Resisting

I bear the scars of those who weren't strong enough to live out their goals.

I am the one who feels the punishment for THEIR mistakes.

I tried so hard to be what they wanted and all I got was scars and memories I would like to bury in the back of my mind. There are things I don't want to think about, things I don't want to deal with, and things that are better left unsaid.

I remember the night of the escape. Trigs and I ran as the sound of dogs and guns echoed in our ears. She and I would've made it had it not been for the piercing screams of Khalid. I couldn't leave him, I just couldn't, so I dragged Trigs with me. She was still in a dazed stupor over the death of Eva. When we got to Khalid, he was dead, and Dragon was caught. I tried to save Dragon, but I couldn't. There were too many guards.

They managed, in total, to drag seven of us back to Manticore. Finn, who had partnered off with Cole, was caught just before he reached the fence. Adam had made it past the fence with Tinga, but went back to help Zack. Myself, Dragon and Trigs all got caught by the fence, while Cree came back of his own volition in order to be with us.

I remember the next year at Manticore, the pain, the suffering, the horror of being left behind. I went through every kind of torture I can think of. I don't even want to think of some of them. The fact that the people at Manticore could do that to a child made me absolutely ill. I remember watching Adam come in her eyes all bloodshot and blood seeping down her face. The Doctors had used Psycho-actives on her, and was cutting open her forehead while he was doing it.

The people there, they made me sick.

And we couldn't stop it, that was the worst part. We didn't know what they wanted to know. None of us knew what they wanted to know. None of us could tell them where any of the others were.

And through all that, I resisted.

I remember one day I found Dragon Crying on the floor, bleeding. One of the guards had done something to him no one should do to a little boy. Dragon said the man said it was the ways boys were made men. It make me sick to think that anyone would do that to a young boy. He was only ten when it happened, and every time I look in his eyes now all I see is that abused little boy crying out for his brother Khalid, or his sister Tinga.

I remember finally getting out of the torture, out of that place, back into the world. Of the seven of us, six made it. Cole died at the hands of the doctors who were trying to find out where Max was.

…When I was in there I often wondered if the ones who escaped still loved us. At least they could've made some sort of sign to let Manticore know where they were. They would've saved us all a lot of trouble. Even a glimpse would've sent Lydecker running and saved all of us the agony.

But I resist.

After we got out, we were 'specialized'. Manticore saw different talents in each of us and separated out unit. Trigs became a doctor. Dragon handled the weapons. Finn, Cree and I were all made deep-cover operatives. Adam was found to have Psy-ops type abilities and went there to help operatives when they needed to forget.

Even after we were split, I never forgot about those days. The pain, the suffering all caused by one fact. The ones who made it out forgot about us. They never even looked back, not once, and we suffered for it.

Dragon was involved in weapons related accidents more often than he likes to admit. The abuse he had as a child carried on all his life. He hated all soldiers who were older than him, held them in no respect. I can't understand him at all, and I used to be able to.

Finn and Cree and me have all been involved in missions we regret. The blood of children rests on my hands, while Zack and the others need only kill those who would destroy them. I have INNOCENT BLOOD ON MY HANDS!

Trigs has bad memories too, memories of dissecting little X7's who had progeria. Memories of being caught in bed with another woman and being sent to Psy-Ops for reprogramming. I remember her coming out of there, unable to speak to anyone. Only by the grace of the blue lady was she lucky enough to have little Adam on her side.

Soon after the 09 escape, Adam was tested for abilities Psy-Ops could use. Three hundred cards were shown to one of the guards. She knew them all, in proper order, except for one which was a trick card. Psy-Ops saw her potential and had her working for them with the X5's within a week. She ended up later being in charge of making the young X7's hive minds work.

I remember watching her come back to the barracks after a hard day with an X5, or X7. She would curl up in a little ball on her bed and cry. She cried for the kids she wasn't able help, she cried for the kids she couldn't help, and for the kids she knew one day would need her help that she would never be allowed to help.

And I still resisted.

I think my most vivid memory of my adolescent years was when I was about seventeen. It was late at night, and Trigs and I were sitting at the window watching some of the X4's run through a training exercise for the twelfth time. It was late, and the moonlight filled the room.

What are you thinking Frankie?

About them.

The ones who made it out?

Yeah.

I miss Eva.

Why?

Because of things.

Like?

I think I was in love with her Frankie. If she had lived…I think I would be with her, if she'd have me.

You…like women?

…Yeah.

Oh.

I know it's not allowed.

I thought the other time was just to try it.

I did, and I liked it.

Are you with anyone now?

I want to be.

Who?

…I don't know if I should say. If she rejected me I would die.

I don't think she will.

You.

I won't reject you.

I love you.

I love you too.

We sat up all night talking and just being together, but by morning we knew it couldn't happen. We were soldiers at Manticore and we weren't allowed to love. I remember staring longingly at Trigs, wanting to be with her, but I wasn't allowed. Because of the new rules, X5's weren't allowed to get close to other X5's.

I loved Trigs, and I couldn't even kiss her.

And still I resisted.

Through it all, I stayed strong and resisted the urges that my mind and heart told me. I didn't want to give in. It would betray those who I once loved.

Soon I stopped resisting some parts.

I stopped loving those who left me behind. Tinga, Brin, all of them. They were just people who happened to have the same genes as me. I stopped thinking of them as my brothers and sisters. All except for Ben. I always had a soft spot for Ben.

And even though I didn't love them, I still resisted the urge.

I resisted up until about a year ago. I remember being told that my mission was to track down a rogue X5, possibly two. The Number 331845739493 rang clear in my mind. It was Ben, I was hunting Ben.

I was paired with Dragon, and I chased the trail all through the woods. I saw the priest run the other way, but I ignored him. I was about to get my brother back. Ben would be able to tell me stories about the outside and keep the Blue Lady happy.

I never heard her say anything.

I only heard the crack.

Dragon says he remembers what Max said to Ben, but I don't. I only remember the sickening crack of my brothers neck at the hand of my sister. The crack seemed to echo in my mind that day, and to this day I can still hear it when I'm alone.

And she was supposed to be my sister.

It was then I gave in. The urges that had plagued me for so long. The burning Hatred welled up inside me, consuming my every emotion, my very existence. Those bastards killed my brother.

HE DIED AT THE HANDS OF HIS SISTER!

And so I stopped resisted.

And started hating them for leaving me behind.

Authors Note: Sorry it took so long to get this one up. The next one is Finn, and it will be short. I may do a sequel to this, where the six get to meet up with Max again. Please read and review. Feedback is my friend.