The Story of Faith 5: Forgiveness is a blessing...
Disclaimer: I own Ariel. Oh! And Father Kevin...figuratively speaking. Nobody else.
After the heated argument she and Ross had, Rachel began making her way toward the park. Rachel flipped open her cell phone and dialed Phoebe's number. "Hey..."
"Oh my goodness, Rach, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay...I'm not sure about him though..."
"Well what happened?"
"I'd rather tell you guys in person."
"Right. Well, just turn left at the corner of the church and walk straight down. You'll see a park ahead. We're on the swing sets on the right."
"Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes." Rachel turned off her phone and began to walk towards the park. Just as they hung up, Phoebe's phone rang again.
"Hey sweetie...uh, look...I kinda forgot to make us reservations-" began Joey.
Phoebe abruptly cut him off, "Ross is here."
"What!" exclaimed Joey. Chandler watched his eyes widen.
"What's going on? Is Monica okay? How's the baby!" asked Chandler worriedly. Joey swallowed the lump in his throat before he turned to look at him.
"No, no it's not that," he whispered hoarsely. "Ross is here..." Chandler's face went white.
"What do you mean, 'here'! Are they sure?"
"Hold on, lemme finish talkin' to Pheebs." He focused his attention on the phone. "Okay, what's going on?"
"Just come to Evergreen park. We'll tell you everything once you guys get here..."
"Alright, we're on our way."
About 10 minutes later, everyone except for Ross was there at the park, sitting at a picnic table. Ariel was playing in the sand a few yards away, and Rachel was watching her, her mind elsewhere.
"Okay Rach, we're all here...what happened?" asked Monica. Rachel snapped back to reality and took a deep breath.
"Well, umm...he said he came to see Ariel..."
"Why?" asked Phoebe.
"I don't know...I guess, I guess he felt threatened or something...like we were going to run away..."
"But you're here on vacation!"
"That's what I told him..." she sighed miserably. "I don't know..." her voice trailed. She stared out into the trees that surrounded them for a moment before she continued. "There was...something different about him today..." she began.
"What do you mean?" asked Chandler.
"When he said he came to be with his daughter...I believed him..." she answered.
"That doesn't make sense..." said Joey. "I mean, he can see her all the time! He just chooses not to!"
"I know...that's what confuses me..." Rachel put her hand to her head and began to rub her temples.
"Maybe...maybe he's finally realizing how stupid he's been..." began Phoebe.
"Oh Pheebs! Come on! After nearly four years of keeping us out of his life and ignoring his responsibility as a father, you think he just woke up and suddenly realized, 'hey, I think I should start growing up today!'" asked Monica bitterly.
"Monica that's not what I'm saying..." Phoebe replied. "I'm just saying that it must have taken something DRASTIC for him to fly all the way over here..." They all became silent.
After a few minutes of thinking, Chandler broke it. "Are we going to forgive him?" he asked quietly.
"What?" cried Monica. "We don't even know if he's here because he's sorry!"
"Well what if he is?" began Chandler defensively. His voice softened after receiving a glare from Monica. "I mean...Mon, he's your brother..."
"Correction, he WAS my brother!"
"Monica, he was one of our best friends..." mumbled Joey. "I just think we should at least hear what he has to say..." Monica glared at them skeptically. Rachel and Phoebe remained quiet.
"How can you easily just forgive him!" she asked, her eyes brimming with tears. "I mean, he has hurt us SO much! I can't...I can't just pretend nothing happened! My dad's death killed me too! But at least I didn't let it ruin my life and the lives of those I loved!"
"Monica..." whispered Phoebe. "Maybe...he just wasn't as strong as you..." Monica sulkily wiped her face.
"Yeah well...I can't be there to let him come back again to just hurt me. I trusted him more than anybody! He's my family! And when I needed him the most...he pushed me away..." She shook her head resentfully. "What comes around, goes around..." She got up, about to walk away.
"Wait, where are you going?" asked Chandler.
"I need to take a walk..."
"But-but you shouldn't be on your feet! And you don't know you're way around here!"
"Chandler I'm only 4 months pregnant and I'm going around the block. I have my cell on me. I just want to walk off some steam for a few minutes."
"Okay..." he said unsurely. He was worried about her, but he knew it was best to not argue. They sat in silence. Rachel's mind was cluttered.
"I'm afraid to talk to him again..." she finally said.
"What? Why?" asked Chandler.
"Chandler you should have been there! I mean...augh!" she vented frustratingly. "The expression on his face...his eyes...they were so sad...and full of regret...I just, I was so angry at him! I kept yelling...I just wanted him to know how badly he hurt me...but, the entire time I felt my heart twisting. I swear...he wasn't the obnoxious stranger who replaced Ross after Jack died...I saw the old Ross...MY Ross...and that scares me so much!"
"Because you're not completely over him...right?" asked Phoebe.
"I don't know..." she mumbled, near tears. "My daughter is the most important person in my life. I mean...I just can't let him hurt me and Ariel anymore...we ended all of that nearly four years ago..." she exhaled heavily.
"But I promised..." she whimpered. "I promised..." She couldn't finish.
Joey got up and went to the other side of the table to hold her. "You promised what, sweetie?"
"When Ross and I first started dating..." she said through tears, "we exchanged promise rings...I wore mine on my finger, and he wore his around his neck on a chain..."
"So that was what it was!" exclaimed Chandler, remembering. "Yeah! I used to bug him about it all the time! The only thing he'd ever say though, was that it meant forgiveness..."
Rachel nodded. "We promised each other that no matter what...whatever we did...we'd find a way to forgive each other...because we couldn't imagine not being together..."
"That was a pretty intense promise, Rach," said Chandler.
"I know..." she sighed. "But we were so in love...and so naïve...but I guess that's why it was so hard for me to leave the first time..."
"Rachel, you had to leave..." said Phoebe sympathetically. "He changed so much by then..."
"I know Pheebs...and when I left, I told myself that it was for good...Ariel needed to be in a loving environment...my life with Ross was far from that..." She gently wiped her eyes. "Monica's right. I can't go back to that. As much as I'd want him to be, he isn't the Ross I fell in love with. He is welcome to spend as much time with Ariel as he wants. He's her father...and that's it."
Somewhere near the park Monica was walking past the church, still very upset, when she overheard two male voices speaking a few yards ahead. As she got closer, she noticed one of them was Father Kevin, Phoebe and Joey's minister. She couldn't see the other man's face, though. His back was facing her. She shrugged it off and kept walking, until she recognized the voice...
"I uh, I guess when I found out about my dad...my life fell apart...I just, I didn't know how to handle it...I ended up hurting everyone I loved, including Rachel...but especially my sister...Monica and I had this incredible bond...we weren't like other brothers and sisters...I mean, even though I was VERY protective, and she bugged me like little sisters were supposed to, we never fought...I mean REALLY fought...we weren't just siblings, we were best friends...until my dad died."
Monica stopped in her tracks after hearing what the man said. She knew it was Ross. Not knowing what to do, she hid by the side of the church, sitting down on a step that led to a basement, still listening intently on every word.
"...This isn't about winning, Ross. It's about you admitting you were wrong, and letting yourself be loved...and learning to love in return. Openly. Honestly. Trustingly." Monica heard Ross cry. She felt her heart break as she began to cry herself. After a few moments of silence, she heard Father Kevin speak again. "You need to have faith, Ross..." Those words...those familiar, simple words pushed her over the edge. Monica covered her mouth, trying so hard to fight back her sobs. She had heard the entire conversation...from how he changed after her dad died, his reaction to Rachel's pregnancy, and why he had flown to California...and now she finally understood how he felt. After four years, Ross finally confided in someone...Why did it take him so long?
"Ross, it's not about what we don't have in life that matters... it's about what we DO have..." Father Kevin walked toward the church and left Ross on the bench alone.
"And I have nothing..." Monica got up from where she was sitting and went over to Ross. He was crying into his hands, facing the ground. She knew she still loved her brother, and now she knew he still loved her. She was ready to forgive him.
"You have me..." she whispered through tears. Ross lifted his head, taken aback by who was standing before him.
"Monica?" he asked quietly, his eyes wet and red. She slowly nodded her head and broke a smile. Ross couldn't believe what was happening. He got up quickly to embrace his sister, uncontrollable sobs releasing from his mouth...a large heavy burden released from his heart. "Mon-Monica..." he stuttered through tears. "I'm so sorry, Mon! I'm so-so sorry!"
"Sshh..." she rubbed his back soothing him. "It's okay, Ross. It's okay. I forgive you..." she murmured, her eyes wetting his shoulder. They stayed embraced for a long while.
After about a half hour since Monica left, Chandler began to worry. She wasn't back yet. He walked away from the picnic table to call her. He pulled out his phone and dialed her cell. Nobody answered. His worrying deepened. He dialed again. After a few rings, she finally picked up.
"Yeah..." Monica answered wearily.
"Hey honey..." said Chandler carefully. He didn't know if she was still mad. "I was just getting a little worried. Are you okay?"
"Yeah Chandler..." her voice was frail. "Umm...I'm with Ross..." His mouth opened but nothing came out. He was very, very surprised. "Hello?" asked Monica.
"I'm-I'm sorry. Did I hear right?"
"Yeah...look, it's a long story...just tell everyone to go back to Phoebe and Joey's. Don't tell them I'm with Ross...just say I took a cab to the mall or something."
"Uh..." Chandler was incredibly confused. "Okay..."
"Honey..." eased Monica, "Trust me, okay? Everything's fine...I'll call you in a few hours." Her voice sounded surprisingly calm to him. Chandler knew she wasn't in danger, but he was still very confused.
"Are-are you sure?"
"Yes sweetie. I love you, Chandler."
"I love you too..." After he hung up he stood, staring blankly into the sky. Finally, he walked back to the gang. "Uh, I called Monica and apparently she took a cab to the mall."
"What?" asked Rachel.
"Yup...well, you know how stubborn Monica can be."
"Yeah," the rest of them agreed.
"I guess we should go back home then..." said Joey. Rachel called to Ariel who was still busying herself in the sand. Then they left.
About an hour later back at Joey and Phoebe's, Rachel put Ariel down for a nap. Phoebe was going over the last details with her wedding planner, while Chandler and Joey watched a basketball game in the game room. She went into the backyard, admiring the beautiful decorations for the reception. She found herself at the far corner of the yard, walking up the steps of the gazebo. She sat down, and gazed out into the Valley. As she let out a breath, she felt herself get lost in memories.
How
do you love someone,
That hurts you oh so bad?
With intentions
good,
Was all he ever had?
It was their first year anniversary. Ross hands her a box, tied with a purple ribbon. "What is it?" asked Rachel curiously.
"Open it and see..." She did so and took out 2 white gold bands. She saw they were inscripted and read it out loud.
"I promise..." She looked up at Ross confused.
He kissed her softly and said, "It means, I promise you that no matter what...you and I will find a way to be together..."
But
how do I let go when I've,
Loved him for so long and I've,
Given
him all that I could?
Maybe love is a hopeless crime,
Giving up
what seems your lifetime,
What went wrong with something once so
good?
"I can't believe this is our very own apartment!" Rachel squealed excitedly as she walked through the doorway with a suitcase in her hand.
"I know!" Ross exclaimed, just as excited.
"I'm going to miss college! I can't believe all of this is ending so quickly!"
"No, Rach...this is just the beginning..."
How
do you find the words to say,
To say goodbye?
When your heart
don't have the heart to say,
To say goodbye?
"Ross...can you help me put the star on the tree?" asked Rachel as she finished decorating their apartment for Christmas.
"Sure sweetie." He brought out a ladder and placed the twinkling ornament on top of the tree.
"Perfect..." Rachel smiled. "Make a wish!" Ross smiled back.
"Don't need to..." he started. "It already came true..."
I
know now I was naïve.
Never knew where this would lead.
And
I'm not trying to take away,
From the good man that he is.
"Ross...sweetie talk to me, please! Don't shut me out..." Ross just finished talking to his mother on the phone. His dad has been arrested.
"Rachel...please...I just, I just want to be alone..."
But
how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given
him all that I could?
Was it something wrong that we did
Because
others infiltrated
What went wrong with something once so good?
(One night Ross came home very late. Rachel knew his last class ended six hours ago. When she called his cell earlier that day, he didn't pick up. So she stayed up, worrying. She noticed that he was walking staggered and his eyes drooped. "Ross? Are you, are you drunk?"
"What? Of course not! I don't drink!" he spat, very slurred and smelling strongly of alcohol.)
How
do you find the words to say,
To say goodbye?
When your heart
don't have the heart to say,
To say goodbye?
"Where are you going?" Ross asked sternly.
"Umm, I'm just going to have lunch with Mark. Is that okay?"
"Does it matter?" he asked, irritated.
"Of course it matters! If it bothers you, I won't go," she answered simply.
"I don't care. Do what you want..." he replied crossly. Ross went into the bedroom and shut the door behind him.
Is
this the end, are you sure?
How should you know when you've never
been here before?
It's so hard to just let go,
When this is the
one and only love I've ever known.
"Monica," began Rachel on the phone. Ross wasn't home and she was crying very hard. "I can't take this anymore...what's happened to us? He's never home! And when he is, he avoids me, or is yelling at me, or is too busy to care!"
"Rachel..." Monica tried to calm her down. "This is a tough time for him...for all of us...give him time...you guys will pull through...I mean, come on...it's you and Ross..."
"I think I'm pregnant..." Rachel murmured.
"Woah..." Monica swallowed hard. "Tell him. Maybe a baby will bring him back to life..."
So
how do you find the words to say,
To say goodbye?
When your
heart don't have the heart to say,
To say goodbye?
Ross and Rachel were arguing. She was seven and a half months pregnant. "That is it!" she screamed. "I have had it Ross! I'm so tired of being the only person who gives a damn about this relationship! You don't even care that we're having a child!"
"Hey!" he boomed. "Nobody is forcing you to stay! Leave! I don't need you! I don't care what you do anymore anyway, Rachel!"
"What?" Rachel started to cry. "How can you say that? Haven't these past four years meant ANYTHING to you!" She quickly picked up her left hand to display the ring on her finger. "What about this, Ross? Huh? Does this mean NOTHING to you too!"
He looked at her hand, then turned away. "Yeah it does mean something..." he began. "It means we were a mistake..." Rachel stared at him in disbelief, before she turned around and walked out the door...
So how do you find the words to say,
To say goodbye?
The memories were too much to bear. Rachel let the liquid from her eyes run freely. She already said goodbye. She couldn't do it again. She sat in silence and looked blankly ahead for quite some time.
Back at The Fairmont Hotel, Ross and Monica were sitting in the lounge area, Ross sipping a bottle of water and Monica sipping a diet soda.
"Monica...I don't know..." whispered Ross unsurely as he looked down.
"Ross, look at me..." she told him. He looked up. "No matter what, you're going to have to face them sometime..."
"I know I just...it's been so long, you know? And this day has been crazy enough! I don't know if I can handle this..."
"Hey...you're not alone anymore, okay? Don't think that you have to go through this alone...and besides...I have a feeling that things will turn out okay...I mean, I was REALLY, REALLY pissed at you...but I realized, being a good friend means trying to understand, not blame...and trying to forgive, not ignore..." Ross smiled sincerely at his sister. "You're trying...and you ARE different. I see it in you...and I have faith in you..."
"Thank you..."
"I know..."
To be continued...
This Fic included the song, "Goodbye" by Alicia Keys.
