The Story of Faith 6:

Monica: I'm Rachel-I love Ross! I hate Ross! I love Ross! I hate Ross! (hehehe)

Disclaimer: (Me picking petals off a daisy) Mine. Not mine. Mine. Not Mine. Mine. Not Mine! Damn it!

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for your wedding..." said Ross. Monica and Ross were still talking in the lounge.

"Yeah well, it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. It was a small ceremony, not that many people were invited."

He stared at her suspiciously, "You were married in Vegas weren't you?"

"How'd you know!"

"We DO have the same bitter mother who wasn't invited or informed..."

"Haha...serves her right, believing that I wouldn't EVER marry or have kids. I proved HER wrong!"

Ross started to laugh, "Yeah, you did." His voice shifted. "Monica I want you to get married again..."

"What?" she asked in disbelief.

"No, I mean...I think you and Chandler should have a real ceremony, after your baby's born...you could renew your vows...you can invite everyone you love this time...and I could give you away...that is if you want."

"Monica's eyes watered as she heard her brother's words. "I hate that we lost over three years Ross...I missed you so much..."

"I realized I hated myself too. I've been thinking a lot, you know, especially on the plane ride here. It's amazing what kind of thoughts enter your head when you actually have time to think about something else besides defending an alleged criminal..."

"Yeah, well...I wouldn't really know."

Ross looked straight at Monica before he continued. "I'm quitting my job."

"What!" Her throat became very dry.

"Monica, I wasn't meant to be a lawyer. It-it doesn't make me happy. I just, got so caught up in it that...I don't know..."

Still shocked, Monica replied, "So what are you going to do?"

"I think I want to go back to school...and get my PhD..."

"In Paleontology!" she asked incredulously.

"Yeah..." he began. "Why? Is that weird or something?"

"Okay, you need to understand that before today I hated your guts. And now it's like you've finally seen the light or something and you've gone back into time to become my geeky older brother who's infatuated with dinosaurs!"

Ross laughed lightly.

He paused before he began, "There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and change, Mon, but I can't. I can only make right what is happening now. My life sucks! I'm barely 30 and my life SUCKS! I want to do something I love...and be with the people I love. I don't want to hurt you guys anymore than I have. I NEED to be a good father. Rachel was right, dad wouldn't be proud."

"Yeah, but like me...I'm sure he understands why you did it...I mean, it doesn't excuse ANY of it," Monica said with a stern face, "but I understand..." She thought about what Ross was telling Father Kevin. "You still love her, don't you?"

Right away, Ross understood she was referring to Rachel. He didn't want to talk about it, but knew he needed to. After all, it was Monica. He knew it would be okay. "I was in love with her from the first moment you introduced us, and it took me so long just to tell her that. And then...everything was perfect." He shook his head frustratingly. "I guess after dad died, I was just so messed up in the head, you know? I didn't know who to trust! I couldn't believe what Richard did to dad...and I pretended I didn't care about her anymore. I was so afraid that maybe someday, she'd betray me...but instead, it was actually me who betrayed her..." Ross sighed deeply. "That was the biggest mistake I ever made, Mon. She was nothing but faithful and completely understanding, and I..." It pained him to say these words. Monica gently laid her hand on his, urging him to continue. "I lied through my teeth when I told her we were a mistake...God, Monica! Why was I so stupid! I lost the best thing that ever happened to me...including my daughter." Monica kept caressing his hand.

"So you do still love her?" she said softly.

Ross took a long while to answer, "I haven't been in love with anybody else since then, but maybe it's because I just don't want to go through all that again..."

"Or maybe it's because you never stopped loving her."

Around 5pm that night, Monica finally went back to Joey and Phoebe's while Ross stayed at his hotel.

As soon as he saw her, Chandler ran up quickly to give her a hug and a kiss. "Tell me what happened," he whispered in her ear.

"Actually, I'm going to tell everyone what happened. And then we're meeting him for a late dinner." He broke the hug and looked at her bewildered.

"Okay, no offense but who the hell are you and what did you do to my bitter, stubborn, cynical wife?"

Monica kissed him softly before responding, "She's gone...She was never supposed to marry you..." she replied sweetly. "I was." Chandler smiled, still puzzled, but decided to trust her. "Go get everyone. I'm gonna get some iced tea." She said simply.

After about fifteen minutes, everyone was seated in the living room, their gazes fixed on Monica, anxiously awaiting what the fuss was about. Ariel was watching "The Little Mermaid" in the next room.

"I spent the afternoon with Ross." Monica braced herself for the gang's reaction.

NOBODY, besides Chandler of course, was expecting that.

"Did you...I mean...is he dead!" asked Phoebe afraid.

"No Phoebe! I spent a GOOD afternoon with Ross."

"Huh?" asked Joey. He threw up his hands to emphasize his confusion.

"That's what I said," agreed Chandler.

"You knew about this?" asked Rachel. Chandler nodded his head.

"But she wouldn't tell me anything else!" he said defensively.

"Maybe I should just tell you guys what happened," said Monica.

"Duh!" Phoebe said exasperatedly.

"Okay...well when I took that walk, I overheard him talking to Father Kevin," she began. "Basically I got scared, and umm, curious. I didn't want him to see me, but I wanted to know what was going on. So I hid and kinda eavesdropped. I must've been listening for over an hour…" They hung on every word, not wanting to miss a single detail. "I heard so much you guys...you were right Phoebe, something drastic did make him fly over here. It was a revelation..."

"I don't understand..." said Phoebe.

"Rachel, when you guys talked...did he yell at you for anything stupid?" asked Monica.

She narrowed her eyes trying to remember. "No...Actually I was the one doing most of the yelling. He even…he even apologized for yelling at me last night and Ross never apologizes. I mean, since we broke up he never apologized..."

"I never thought I'd say this again," started Monica. "But after hearing what he said today, and spending some time with him, I trust him. And I believe his intentions are good. I'm giving him a second chance."

"You thought you'd never say that? WE thought you'd never say that!" cried Joey.

"What exactly did he say!" Phoebe questioned.

"I can't really explain it to you. It would mean a lot more coming from him. That's why he wants to have a late dinner tonight back at his hotel at 8." Phoebe and Joey exchanged uneven glances as Chandler nodded his head understandingly. Rachel's face was unresponsive.

"I'm not going." She said simply.

"What? Rachel you NEED to go! Especially you!"

"Why!" she asked accusingly. "He hasn't proved ANYTHING to me! I'm not saying it's not okay for you guys to go, after all, he was your best friend and he's Monica's family. But it's NOT okay for me. It is just too much. If he wants my friendship, it's going to take a lot more than a conversation and a few sincere glances."

"Rachel..." begged Monica. "Please. He really, really wants to talk to you."

She shook her head stubbornly before looking back at Monica. She held her breath, "It's my turn to not care." Rachel got up and went upstairs. The room fell silent.

"Well, do you guys still want to go?"

"I think we should," said Phoebe supportively. "I mean, if what you're saying is true, then it would be the perfect wedding present..." Joey smiled at her before turning to Monica. He nodded his head agreeing.

Hours later, Ross sat at the dinner table, nervously fidgeting with his water glass, afraid of what was going to happen. The others hadn't arrived yet. It was only 7:50, but he decided to be early just in case. Luckily, the restaurant was pretty empty. After Monica left, he kept thinking about what he was going to tell them, especially Rachel, but he knew that it had to come from the heart. Feelings aren't supposed to be scripted. Suddenly, he overheard the Host behind him.

"Right this way Mrs. Bing." Ross quickly stood up and turned around to see Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler coming towards him. No Rachel. No Ariel. He had a feeling she wouldn't come, but he was still very disappointed. As they approached him, he felt his heart race hysterically. Monica smiled warmly at him and touched his arm as she sat beside him. Ross sensed that Phoebe, Joey and Chandler felt incredibly uncomfortable. They gave him subtle smiles before they sat down.

"Your server will be right with you," said the host.

"Actually, can you tell him I'll call him when we're ready?"

"Of course, Sir."

"Thank you," said Ross. He waited for the host to leave before he continued. He cleared his throat before he began.

"Thanks for hearing me out guys. I umm, I know Monica probably told you why I asked you to meet me here...but I," he found his voice trembling and looked down at his water glass. "I know there's nothing I can really say to justify how much of a Jerk I've been for the past few – many years." He looked up to see Monica nodding her head encouragingly. "I can't take back how awful I was to you. But I want to so badly. I lost someone I loved very much, and instead of embracing those who were still here...I turned my back..." Ross bit his lip to fight from crying. "I'm not expecting you guys to just turn around and forgive me...I just." The tears were inevitable. "God, I can't do this..."

"Yes you can..." whispered Phoebe. Ross smiled at her gratefully with glistening eyes.

"I just need you guys to know how sorry I am..." he managed to say. "And to know after all this time I still consider you my family...and that I love you very, very much..." Phoebe began to cry as well. "Please give me another chance..." Chandler felt his heart soften. "It was my fault I missed the birth of my child...and my fault I missed my sister's wedding...and my fault I wasn't invited to Phoebe and Joey's wedding." Joey cleared his throat subtly, trying to stay conformed. "I don't want to have anymore regrets because of my stupid, ignorant pride..." Everyone continued to listen. "Last night, after getting off the phone with Rachel, I realized I wasn't angry at her for bringing Ariel here, I was angry at myself for not being responsible enough to know where the hell my daughter was... and I got scared and incredibly jealous"

"Jealous? Why?" asked Joey.

"You two are getting married!" He cried out. "I mean, that is a HUGE deal! And I was missing it...again." He exhaled heavily. Monica leaned over to him and put her arm around his shoulder, gently rubbing his back. "The point is...I'm nothing without you guys...you are the most important people in my life, including Rach and Ariel...and no matter how long it takes, I'm going to prove this to you." The table fell nervously silent.

"That was a good start..." whispered Phoebe, wiping her face.

"I agree," nodded Joey.

"Now I know why Monica forgave you so easily," said Chandler.

"Okay good, now everything's hunky-dory right?" asked Monica unexpectedly, breaking the tension. Everyone exchanged warm smiles and nodded. "Good cuz' I'm hungry... Waiter!" she called, "I'll have one of everything!"

About an hour later, Monica was polishing off the last few bites of a strawberry cheesecake, Ross and Joey were talking about Joey's new movie, Chandler excused himself for the restroom, and Phoebe sat back and just watched. She considered how this was so weird...yet so right. Things were the way they should be. Even though Ross had only apologized an hour ago, she understood what Monica meant by how there was something different about him. He was finally back.

"Ross," interrupted Phoebe.

"Yeah?"

"Come to my wedding tomorrow."

He looked at her and Joey unsurely. Joey nodded his head supportively. "Wow...umm, thank you guys so much for caring enough to invite me," he started. "But I really don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" asked Monica. Bits of cheesecake escaped her mouth.

"Because things are so good right now. I don't want to mess anything up by jumping right into it..."

"But Ross, Joey and I are only getting married once...and it's tomorrow. I trust you're not going to do something stupid..."

"But I-"

Phoebe cut him off, "It would mean so much to us. Even though we were angry at you, we still loved you...this could be your present to us..."

Joey continued, "Please. If you meant what you said, you'd come."

Ross knew he couldn't argue. He really wanted to go, but he was still afraid. "Okay," he said smiling. "You're right. It would mean a lot to me too..."

"Hey, should we bring something home for Rachel and Rie-Rie?" asked Chandler as he returned to the table. Monica looked quickly at Ross.

"Speaking of Rachel," Ross said carefully. "Why, umm, why didn't she come?" Monica gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Sweetie...we – we tried."

He nodded his head sadly. "I understand." The table became silent with awkwardness again. "Hey, you guys should probably get going! I mean, there's a BIG day tomorrow!" He tried to sound enthusiastic.

A few minutes later, Ross was walking them to the car. As they stepped outside, they realized it had started to rain heavily.

"Oh no! Oh geez I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow!" cried Phoebe worriedly.

"Don't worry honey, I think it's just a little spring shower," said Monica.

"Little?"

"Well, the weather guy said it was supposed to be clear skies throughout the whole weekend..." said Joey.

"Oh what do they know? They also thought the earth was flat!" Phoebe was getting slightly annoyed. She sulkily got into the car.

"Are you going to be okay, tonight?" asked Monica before she got in.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Get in, you'll get sick..."

"Yes sir..." she teased before she kissed his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey Ross...it's just good to have you back man," said Chandler as he shook his hand.

"Yeah...earlier today, before we found out you were here, we were talking about how much we missed you!" said Joey. He broke into a wide smile. "Aww...man come here!" He gave into his pride and grabbed Ross in a bear hug. Ross returned the hug gratefully. A smile crept across Chandler's face and he too joined them in the hug. The guys started to goofily jump around in the rain. The girls began to laugh. They finally broke and got into the car. "See you tomorrow at noon. We're meeting at the church," said Joey excitedly.

"Of course! And send my love to Ariel..." Ross added. "And uh, tell Rachel to call me."

"Sure..." said Monica. She waved goodbye as the car drove away and out of sight.

It was 2am. Ross was nowhere near tired. The entire day had felt like a dream. For the first time in so long, he was smiling, and it was genuine. He was excited about tomorrow.

Ross closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep, however it was short- lived. It wasn't excitement that kept him awake anymore; it was disappointment, longing, and a lot of heart ache. Rachel hadn't come to the dinner.

He stared up into the darkness of the ceiling for a long time. Before he realized what he was doing, he suddenly got out of bed and began to dress himself. He grabbed his phone and his hotel key and left.

The cab stopped in front of Joey and Phoebe's house. He stared at it, amazed. He paid the driver and stepped out. It was still raining, but he was unaware of that fact. He was fixated on Rachel. He took out his phone and dialed her number.

Rachel was awakened by the sound of bells. When she fully gained consciousness, she realized bells weren't ringing; her cell phone was. She flipped it open to see who in God's name would be calling her at 2:30 in the morning. It was Ross. She snapped it shut and stuffed the phone underneath a pillow to muffle the ringing. However, the ringing was annoyingly consistent. She grabbed the phone and left the room, hoping it wouldn't wake Ariel up. Once she was in the hall, she lazily pushed the "accept" button.

"Ross," she began warningly.

He cut her off. "I'm outside."

Rachel didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

"I'm outside Phoebe and Joey's house."

Rachel gasped, and then realized that explained the echoed static on the other end of the phone. "What? It's 2:30 in the morning Ross? So what, have you taken up stalking as some kind of sick hobby?" she deathly whispered into the phone.

"No. I just knew you wouldn't talk to me unless I came here."

Rachel didn't know what to do. She quietly went back into her room to look out her window. She saw Ross, dripping wet, standing outside...looking extremely lost. She tried to not let it get to her.

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," she murmured. "But I'm not coming outside. You better call a cab and leave."

"Not until you listen to me."

"Fine then. Stand there in the rain and get sick. I don't care."

"Okay I will," he said before he turned off the phone. Rachel grew increasingly frustrated.

'What the hell does he want me to do?' she thought. 'I swear he is more stubborn than Monica!' She looked outside her window again and saw Ross, standing contentedly in the rain. She put a robe around herself before she went downstairs. She opened the door and quickly ran out to him. The rain was loud.

"Go away Ross!"

"No! You need to listen to me!"

"WHY?"

"Because this is important!"

"To you maybe, not to me!"

"If you won't listen for your sake...listen to me for Ariel's sake." Rachel froze at the mention of her daughter's name. That was a low blow, and he knew it'd work.

She considered it a few seconds. "Fine," she said. "You've got five minutes. But let's get out of the rain. I'm cold."

"We can't go inside, people will hear us."

"Follow me." Ross followed Rachel into the backyard. They walked into the gazebo, sheltered from the rain, but still cold from the wind. They were dripping wet.

"Thank you," mumbled Ross.

"Don't thank me yet..." Rachel was annoyed and very tired.

"You're shivering," he noticed.

"Obviously."

"Here..." He took off his jacket to put it around Rachel. Under different circumstances, she wouldn't have accepted it, but she felt like she was surrounded by ice. She tried to not look at him as he adjusted his coat around her shoulders. She was unsuccessful. They locked helpless gazes for a quick second, before she timidly stepped back.

The calmed silence between them alleviated the anger from Rachel. They shared a subtle smile. "Thanks," she said meekly. "Now what is so important that you need to tell me?"

Ross held his breath. "I found something in my suitcase earlier," he said softly.

"Umm...okay..." she said confused. Ross fumbled inside his pocket for a moment before he pulled out the object. Rachel stared at it, dazed.

"Is that...?" she asked, taken aback.

"It's my promise ring."

"How-how was that in your suitcase?"

"The day I moved out of our apartment, I...I took it off because I was going to leave it there. But I couldn't. So I put it inside the pocket of my suitcase. I haven't used the suitcase since then, and when I was unpacking earlier this morning, I found it..."

There were nights when the wind was so cold

That my body froze in bed

If I just listened to it

Right outside the window

"What does that have to do with me..." she mumbled, her eyes fixed on his.

Ross slowly moved closer to her, driving out the last bit of courage sustained in him. "Rachel, it has everything to do with you...I thought I died with my dad...but I was wrong." He shook his head as he leisurely took her hands into his. Rachel wanted to pull back, but found herself unable to move. "I died the day you left me..." She searched for an explanation in his eyes, but the answer was so clear. He was telling the truth.

There were days when the sun was so cruel

That all the tears turned to dust

And I just knew my eyes were

Drying up forever

"I've been dead these past four years, Rach. I wasn't there when you needed me. I lied to you. You have every reason to hate me..." She stared at him in disbelief, her eyes glistening against the faint moonlight.

I finished crying in the instant that you left

Though I can't remember where or when or how

"There is nothing I can do to make you understand how sorry I am...but I am sorry. Even if you don't believe me, I need to tell you that." With his eyes directly on hers he whispered, "I'm sorry Rachel."

And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

Ross carefully watched as streams of water flowed down Rachel's delicate face. He let one of her hands go to gently wipe her cheek. She trembled...

But when you touch me like this

And you hold me like that

I just have to admit

That it's all coming back to me

"I'm still in love with you, Rachel. I've loved you from the first moment I saw you...and I still do...Seeing this ring again made me finally realize this..." Rachel felt herself falling...

When I touch you like this

And I hold you like that

It's so hard to believe

"Say something, please..."

After so many years, to hear the words she had been secretly praying for...but believed she would never hear, was so strange. She looked at the ground, wanting so badly to say something, but unsure of what to say...

But it's all coming back to me

Before she could think of a response, Ross gently tipped her chin up with his finger and lightly grazed her lips with his.

If you kiss me like this

And if you whisper like that

It was lost long ago

But it's all coming back to me

Everything fell into place with that kiss. She wouldn't let herself believe she still loved him. But now...there was nowhere to run...

If you want me like this

And if you need me like that

It was dead long ago

But it's all coming back to me

Rachel's hands lingered onto his shoulders, caressing his face as their souls intertwined...

It's so hard to resist

And it's all coming back to me

Ross's arms encircled her waist to pull her closer; their bodies warm and immortal against the harshness of the wind...

I can barely recall

But it's all coming back to me now

Suddenly Ross felt Rachel tense up; fear came over him...

But you were history with the slamming of the door

And I made myself so strong again somehow

And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

Rachel caught herself before she completely gave in. She broke the kiss and pounded her fist into his chest to push him away.

"No! NO! It is NOT that easy, Ross!" She cried angrily and spun around. "You've had a million flings since me! You don't even TRY to spend time with me and Ariel! If you still loved me and if I was so important, why the hell did you treat me the way you did! Why did it take you so long to finally say this!"

If you forgive me all this

If I forgive you all that

We forgive and forget

As it's all coming back to me

Ross urgently held his arms out to Rachel. "Rachel, I am trying so hard to make you understand!" A mixture of rain and tears blinded his vision. "Please, Rachel...please..." he begged through incoherent sobs.

When you see me like this

And when I see you like that

We see just what we want to see

As it's all coming back to me

He desperately fell to his knees and grasped her arms. "Losing you is the biggest regret of my entire life! I've been in hell these past four years! I can't-I can't imagine living one more day without you!" He held her waist, crying into her body...

The flesh and the fantasies

All coming back to me

I can barely recall

but it's all coming back to me now...

"You promised Ross!" Her livid sobs were uncontainable. "You promised we would be together! You promised you'd always be there, no matter what! I put so much faith into that promise...and you broke it..."

It's all coming back to me now...

"Rachel, I'm here now..." He murmured frantically. "Please Rachel, please...I'm here now..."

To Be Continued...

P.S. This fic included the song "All Coming Back To Me" by Celine Dion.