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Chapter Six
Earth - Harmsville/Maine
In the evening when the military vehicles had left, silence once more came over the house. Cooper had retreated to the backporch overlooking the overgrown garden.
After Nathan had told him that he would return to his parents with Kylen, he had felt a momentary pang of jealousy but he knew that this had been a childish notion. But given the circumstances Cooper was afraid that Kylen would persuade Nathan to leave the Corps and where would that leave him?
As he looked up into the sky from where he was standing, he heard the screech of the backdoor behind him. Without even looking he knew that Meg had come to him and when she leant against the banister beside him he turned to look at her profile which was illuminated by the dim light of the stars above.
She looked tired as she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. Cooper was amazed that despite his doubts and uncertainty, he still reacted so strongly towards this woman. It made him both angry and sad. He knew he wouldn't be able to give her the things she needed and that left him frustrated.
Megan felt nervous and she chided herself for following Cooper out into the garden. The reason why she had joined Cooper outside in the first place, had been simply to be with him. To hear his voice again, feel his presence.
"Congrats to your Victoria Cross, Squadron Leader," Hawkes said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably.
"Thanks, Lieutenant ..." Chambers answered and watched him closely. He looked worn out. Like a man driven too hard to the brink of collapse.
"What do you think, Coop? Will we be able to rescue the Marines?" she asked softly, suppressing the urge to reach out her hand to caress him. Cooper shrugged his shoulders and rested his elbows on the banister.
"If I didn't believe in this mission, I wouldn't take part... I ... dunno, uh ... I mean somewhere deep inside of me I believe that Shane and Vanessa are still alive and yet ..." He fell silent and watched the sky above them.
He had always found it difficult to voice his feelings and thoughts aloud. Normally, it did not frustrate him because he was used to his lack of words but this time he desperately wanted to explain his feelings.
"When I first heard about it I couldn't believe it myself," Meg said. "Only a few months ago you all saved my life and the thought of Shane, Paul and Vanessa being dead makes me so angry. I keep thinking that if I had been with them, perhaps I might have helped preventing it somehow ..."
"No-one could've prevented it from happening, Megan!" Cooper said, his voice sounding sharp. "Don't ya think that I've asked that myself again and again? I felt so helpless back there in the ISSCV, listening to Shane's voice ... and I knew I couldn'a do anything but stay with the POWs ..." Cooper's voice trailed away as the pain swept over him.
Jeeez, he couldn't stand it anymore. When was the pain ever to stop?
Without a second thought Meg put her arms around his shoulders and held him while he wept. At first, he struggled against her embrace but after a few moments he clung to her, all his pain and anger dissolving with the shedding of tears.
Meg closed her eyes and comforted him gently. Over the years she had done the same thing again and again to her father. She knew that In-Vitroes never learned to cope with their feelings but having an In-Vitro father she was used to their helplessness on the emotional side of things.
But when she thought about this, she had to admit that her actions weren't as unselfish as she wanted herself to believe. She wanted to be close to him, she wanted him to need her and as she held him in her arms, she caught herself stroking and caressing him in more than the universal gesture of comfort. After a while Cooper's sobs died down and he became aware of their intimate embrace.
"Sorry ..." he whispered and stepped away from her. Meg let go of him, putting her arms around herself as if she was cold. A stab of rejection shot through her and this made her angry and hurt.
"I hope you feel better, Lieutenant," she said coldly and turned away from him.
Fool, she told herself. Grow up, Meg.
Cooper knew that he had hurt her but he had no idea how he should act around her. What he wanted to do and what he ought to do considering the situation his MIA-mates were in, fighting for their lives on this damn' planet, were two quite different things. He wanted to be close to Meg, hold her and even kiss her but then again he knew that natural borns behaved differently and he did not want to look like some unfeeling bastard who wanted a tumble with her.
"Meg?" he asked shyly and touched her shoulder. Without a word she turned towards him and stepped into his arms. Meg shivered when she felt his arms around her.
"Please, Coop," she pleaded. "Don't push me away! I feel just as bad as you about Shane and the others!" She kissed his cheek. "Don't shut me out!"
Cooper closed his eyes for a moment. It felt so good to hold her in his arms again, to feel her body pressed close to his. But it wasn't right! How could he let her trust him when he distrusted himself? He pried her arms off his neck and stepped further away from her. He had wanted her since he had seen her all those months back on the 'Toga, and even now his body yearned for her touch and yet he was afraid.
"I got hooked on phyllophthetamines a couple of months back ..." he blurted out and gave off a short embittered laugh. "Cooper Hawkes, the stupid tank, thinking he is superman. Nathan and the others risked their asses for me when I freaked out on Op and now, I can't even repay them. All I could do was just watch ..."
Megan heard the pain in his voice and she stepped closer to him and encircling her arms around his shoulders, she put her cheek against his back.
"Oh, Coop," she whispered. "Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I'd let you down?" Cooper moved uneasily but he put his hands onto her arms and squeezed them slightly.
"Don't ya understand? I thought you'd think me stupid and ... and despise me!"
"Despise you? Lord, Coop, my father was addicted to the meanies and tankbrats are prone to this addiction as well. I would have understood what you've been going through," she shook her head and smiled sadly. "I love you," she heard herself whisper.
As if hit by a whiplash, Hawkes turned around to face Chambers. Grey-blue eyes stared down on her and for a moment she thought she could see something likewise in his eyes but his eyes were immediately guarded again.
"No, you don't ..." Cooper said hoarsely, a definite edge to his voice.
"I LOVE you!" she said again, more confident now.
"Don't!" Hawkes growled and went to the far end of the porch. "I'm a tank, understood? I don't know anything about the love-stuff ..."
Meg shook her head angrily and something snapped in her mind. She couldn't stand it anymore! All those years when she had desperately begged her father to love her, to trust her, came back in a rush. She walked over to Hawkes in long, determined strides, coming to a halt immediately in front of him. At any other time, with any other man half the size of Cooper, her stand could have been threatening but not now. Meg tilted her head backwards to see directly into his eyes.
"Don't give me that shit about being a lifer and lifetaker! I've heard enough of that already! And I know you better than you think!" she hissed angrily.
"No, you don't, Chambers. You think you know me because your father's a tank!"
"I'm pissed off by you tanks. Sometimes I get the feeling that you use your upbringing as an excuse. You just don't bother, do you?" she exclaimed and when he did not answer her right away, the anger got the better part of her and she punched her fist into his stomach. Cooper did not even flinch when she hit him.
Man, he wanted her so much, even now as she was brushing him down, Cooper thought but he tried to shut out the feelings she awoke in him. He wanted to believe her, wanted to believe that he was able to love and be loved but he couldn't.
Megan was so absorbed in her rage and her hurt that she didn't even notice that he didn't ward off her blows as she kept hitting him.
"You really piss me off, Cooper. Why can't you accept that you are human like everyone else, for Chrissake? If you want to drown in your self-pity, then do it but DON'T YOU DARE PUT THE BLAME ON ME! YES, you ARE a stupid tank! I thought you liked me, trusted me ..." She broke off. She knew she was getting meaner the minute and she had to stop before she would say anything more hurting, but she wasn't able to and she didn't want to. She wanted him to pay for all those doubts she had been through when he had stopped answering her letters. She wanted to wound him, wanted to inflict the most damage possible on him for dismissing her pledge of love so easily. Megan raised her knee and slammed it adroitly into his groin. Cooper toppled over, clutching his abdomen. She had taken him unawares and when he looked up at her, the pain slowly subsiding, his eyes showed deadly bloodthirst.
"DON'T you ever do this again," he rasped angrily and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "Or I give you a bashing you'll never forget!" Megan stared down at him, then snorted.
"You and who else, tank? One thing I learned for sure from your kind, never ever try to mess with NBs!" Without so much as a warning she kicked him into his ribs. Cooper growled in fury and swiped her off her feet. Before she could recover her breath which had been knocked out of her, he was on top of her. In blind anger she hit his face, trying to get hold of his head but Cooper backhanded her across the face and caught her wrists with one hand, subduing her.
"I hate you, Cooper Hawkes. I hate you!" she yelled at him, desperately trying to push him off her.
"Not as much as I do, Chambers," Cooper hissed and tried to restrain his anger which hazarded to engulf him any second. He tried to concentrate on other things, tried to shut out the reactions his body dictated against her blows. If he would give in to his anger, he would probably kill her. Forcing his mind to control his rage, he suddenly became aware of her body beneath him. He cursed as other emotions flooded his mind and body.
"What's going on here?" a harsh voice inquired angrily and both stopped still for a moment.
Suddenly Megan was released and when she looked up she could see that Cooper was sitting against the banister, his knees drawn to his chest. Drawing herself into a sitting position, she fingered her face delicately. She was sure she would sport a black eye in the morning.
"You two sure made a spectacle out of yourself," McQueen said and stepped out from the deep shadows of the door onto the porch and watched both sternly.
McQueen had been aware of the strong currents of emotion between Megan and Hawkes. But he had not thought that it was that serious. Suffering through the loss of friends was always hard, he had learned this particular lesson the hard way himself back in the AI POW-camp. He should have known that Hawkes would turn towards the one person in his life he had trusted beside Shane and the others, a person who loved him. And indeed he had but different to what he had expected. With their training those two could have easily killed each other if he had not stepped between them. McQueen closed his eyes for a moment and tried to clear his mind.
"What got into you?" he asked in a deadly hiss. "Isn't it enough that the Chigs kill us off one by one, do you have to help them finish the job?"
"No," Cooper muttered and McQueen's head snapped up.
"What was that, Lieutenant?" he asked sharply.
"Sir, no, Sir!" Cooper scrambled to his feet and flinched. Drawing in his breath he touched his right side. Megan had pushed herself to her feet as well and as she stood beside Cooper, she felt embarrassed that her uncle had witnessed her shameful behaviour.
"So tell me, what should I do with you? We have an important mission to execute and all you can do is try to bash each other's heads! I don't know what took you off like that but you better work it out of your systems quickly," he shot both of them a cold stare and Cooper and Megan had the grace to look embarrassed.
"We've a lot to do during this week and I want you to be fit and wide awake ..."
"Sir! Yes, Sir," both muttered and they were halfway to the door when the cold voice of McQueen held them back.
"I don't care what you do on your R&R but we are on Op soon and I won't stand any petty fights between two of my officers just because they've got the hots for each other. Understood?"
"Sir, yes, Sir" Coop replied, deeply shocked and Megan lowered her lids with a deep flush of her skin.
McQueen watched Hawkes and Chambers as they hurried to their rooms. Then he leant against the banister and stared into the sky.
What should he do now? the Colonel asked himself. He should reprimand them according to Military Law. They were both officers and this wasn't exactly a friendly bashing at a barfight. It wasn't even his business to care about those two whether they killed each other or not, he tried to convince himself but he couldn't. He felt trapped. Chambers and Hawkes were the closest he ever got to a family and kids. When he first had seen Hawkes he had been appalled to see the haggard look in the young man's eyes, just as if he had given himself up. For a short moment he had even suspected that the young IV was on the meanies again but seeing him now ... The anger and the pain had been still there but it seemed as if Cooper had found a means to channel those emotions by taking it out on Chambers. He shook his head. Of all things he had expected it wasn't both of them fighting! What had gotten into those two idiots? The reason why he had wanted Megan on this mission was because he had thought that Hawkes needed her remain his cool on this Op, that she would help him coming over the deaths of his crewmates if they found them KIA. She had been through all this herself and Coop had been the one who had helped her half a year ago. He had been wrong. Now then ever he knew that it had been a mistake to involve her in this mission but the dice had been rolled ... McQueen sighed wearily and pulled a small, crumbled book from his flightsuit-pocket. He started reading in the decreasing light, but the words of the Japanese poet did not help to soothe his troubled thoughts. After McQueen had been to the doctor's, Meg, Cooper and McQueen spent the day preparing for their impending mission. After Meg had been already outfitted with standard-issue US Marine Corps gear by her father, the only thing which was left to do for the young Squadron Leader was to pack her army duffel. When she picked up her flight helmet, she lovingly brushed over the old emblem on the front. The emblem showed five BC-48's, the standard attack jets of the RAF Corps, in a perfect diamond formation. But these days were over for now. She got some turpentine, a rug and paints from the garage and started scratching the painting off her helmet.
While she was working on her helmet, Colonel McQueen walked into her room and when he noticed what she was doing, he nodded his head in appraisal.
"Did you chose a code name?" he asked and sat down beside her, inspecting her work.
"There are not many names left, are there?" Meg replied and picked up a paintbrush and dipped it into a pot of black paint.
"I decided to use a name which was not used by Shane and the others ..." Carefully, she drew a poker-card onto the helmet. "I'll use Ace of Spades as my code-name in the 58th squadron ..."
McQueen nodded and lowered his lids. Meg had chosen a name which had never been used by any of the Wild Cards, dead or alive.
"A good choice, Meg," he said and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm proud that you'll honour the missing Marines ..."
"Would you have thought otherwise, Uncle Mac?" Meg asked and applied another coat of paint onto the helmet. "By now you should know me better..."
"Yes, Meg. And because I know you quite well I want to give you a bit of advice. If the Op fails because you and Hawkes screw it, I see to it myself that the two of you are court-martialled!"
Meg's face turned deep crimson when she turned towards her uncle.
"What do you mean?" she asked hoarsely.
"Don't play dumb, Meg. You know what I'm talking about," he said calmly and pointed towards her black eye. "I know that you and Hawkes have come a long way but to see you fighting like this ..." McQueen shook his head.
"What is wrong with the two of you? You both know how important this mission is, during this Op it is crucial that nothing goes wrong. If you and Hawkes can't put a lid on whatever is bothering you, you put the lives of the squad and the POWs at stake!"
Of course, Meg knew he was right. She had not thought about the danger their actions would inflict upon this Op. In fact, last night she had even forgotten the reason why she and Hawkes were here. All that had mattered was bashing the shit out of him for being so stupid.
"I'm sorry, it was a daft thing to do, but he made me so mad," she replied. "I just didn't think when he ... " she broke off and blushed deeply. She had never found it difficult to talk to McQueen but this time it was a somewhat delicate topic and she wasn't sure how he would react. "Let's say Cooper made damn sure that I behaved like a complete idiot," she said and shrugged her shoulders.
"He told me that he doesn't need my affections. I'm just a tankbrat, remember, what do I know about what a tank needs anyway?!" But McQueen shook his head.
"Hawkes needs you, Meg. Don't you ever think that he doesn't need you. Over the last few months he had to put up with a lot of things which put a major guilt trip on him and loosing his mates hasn't made it any easier for him," When he saw her tensing he gently caressed her hand. " All I'm asking you is that you should try to understand him, ok.? He's shocked and doesn't know what he should do. It was just a tank's bad timing ..."
After a while Megan nodded slowly, though she looked more like a sulking child than a seasoned pilot right now.
"Alright, that's settled then," McQueen said after a moment of consideration. "I've decided that you will be in one of the Hammerheads backing the transporter ..."
"You mean, I won't fly with you?" Meg asked in a tense voice, still put off by the Colonel's former words. "I thought we would team up for once?"
"We are a team, Meg!" McQueen replied, almost yelling at her. "But you and Hawkes are the best shots in the five-eight now. West is good but he is a better pilot and with that leg still bothering me I need a good pilot at my side," the Colonel explained calmly and Meg's anger died down.
She knew that her godfather was taking a great risk to join this mission with his health still on the brink. And her brawl with Hawkes had made this mission not any easier for him. On the contrary, she knew that open animosity between fellow-officers could lead to havoc. She was determined to make this Op a success because she knew that the US Marine Corps was McQueen's true family and that he would do anything to rescue the missing Marines even if that meant to reprimand his niece.
"I think you're right," Meg said slowly and inspected her paint-job. She considered it a poor image of the real Wild Cards emblem but for the impending mission it had to suffice. On the front of her helmet she had drawn the Queen of Spades with two Aces on either side of it.
"You should've gone to Art's School," McQueen said, referring to her father's proposition when she had still been a teenager. Meg grimaced and cleaned her paint-stained hands on the rug.
"You cannot defend your country with a paint-brush, Uncle Mac," she said. "Not with aliens from outer of space attacking us anyway."
The Colonel nodded and stood up. Ever since she had joined the Royal Air Force, he had thought that she was not tough enough to last even the first year. But he was glad that his dark prophesies had not been met. After seven years in the RAF and five years as a serving commanding officer, his godchild had shown that she was the true daughter of her father and a goddamn good soldier and fighter-pilot.
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