Chapter 5 -- Self Discovery
Mel took a deep breath before she began. She had spent the entire time between her conversation with Gwen and this moment trying to decide how to broach the subject of Cole's origins. She was fairly certain that it would be easier if she did not tackle it head-on, so she chose her words carefully.
"Cole... Amelia tells me that she hurt herself a few days ago. That you... healed her."
Cole stared uncertainly at Mel, remembering his certainty when he had healed Amelia that whatever secret was behind the ability was something that could keep them separated.
"She was... pretty curious about that."
Cole continued to stare blankly at Mel, cautiously silent.
Mel frowned curiously at him, wondering about his lack of reaction. "Cole, you... do realize that healing people is not something that everyone can do, don't you?"
He nodded slowly. "I'm different. Not normal. Some kind of freak..." No wonder she did not love him. He sighed sadly.
Mel stared, surprised. "Cole, no..." She shook her head and took his hands in hers. "You are a very extraordinary person, but you are not a freak."
"Then what am I?" he asked softly, shaking his head.
Mel winced inwardly. He looked so lonely and afraid, unwilling to accept what he could not understand. What a very human reaction. "You healed me once. Do you remember?" she asked gently.
He nodded. "Yes. You looked at me with so much love..." He reached up with one hand and gently cupped her cheek.
Mel nodded, closing her eyes and leaning into his hand. "Yes, I did. I didn't think you were a freak. I was hurt and you made me whole. How... how can that be a bad thing, Cole?" She opened her eyes and gazed questioningly at him, hoping that he would understand how truly amazing he really was.
He looked into her eyes with a sigh. "Because it keeps us apart, Mel."
"Ooh..." Mel covered her mouth with one hand, tears forming in her eyes. "Cole..." She reached out and lightly touched his chest, shaking her head. "Cole..."
He looked at her uncertainly, absently drying her tears. "It... doesn't keep us apart?"
"Your job keeps us apart, Cole, not what you are."
Startled, he frowned and straightened, staring at her. The word 'what' instead of 'who' struck a chord with him that he could not explain. He wanted, needed to know more. "What I am?" he repeated.
She nodded. "Yeah, Cole. Do you remember?"
He shook his head, confused but no longer afraid. Yes, he was different, but Mel accepted him anyway, so it could not have been all bad. "I don't understand, Mel."
"Your home, Cole... It's not here, not on earth. It's a planet... It... it's called..." She hesitated. There was no way he was going to believe her.
"What planet are you from?" the teenage girl scoffed.
"It's called Cirron..." Cole told her with a gentle smile.
"Cirron. Cirron 17..." he whispered.
"You remember it?" Mel asked hopefully.
He shook his head. "Just the name." He frowned thoughtfully. "I'm not human?" Oddly, he was almost willing to accept it, not just because Mel said it was so, but because it felt right.
He glanced across the crowded dance-floor, forgetting everything else when he saw Mel. How could any human look so beautiful?
He had actually thought that, he remembered. How could any human look so beautiful? Why human? Because, obviously, her being a human was significant to him, and the only reason it should have been was because he was not.
Mel shook her head. "No, Cole. You aren't."
"I look human..." he said, confused by that fact.
"Yeah, you, um... you took on a human form. It's an ability your species has. They can... change their appearances to match a picture."
Moving through trees, searching. He came to a stop in front of a large billboard, an underwear ad. The man on the billboard looked...
He stared at her. "I took my image from an underwear ad?" he asked, incredulous.
Mel laughed, equal parts relieved and amused. "Yes, Cole. That's how you..."
"Got my name." He nodded, remembering. "You called me Cole after the name on the billboard." He smiled.
She smiled and nodded, happy tears in her eyes. "Yes!"
"What is my real name?"
"Daggon."
He nodded. It sounded familiar. "Daggon..." he repeated, trying out the sound. It was right.
"Do you remember anything about Cirron?"
He considered for several minutes, wracking his brain before finally shook his head. "More walls, Mel."
"I don't understand... Gwen said that once you knew--"
"Gwen knows I'm not human?"
"No." Mel shook her head. "But she... uh, she was pretty sure that once we started talking about this stuff... that your memories would come back."
"Many are..." He paused, a dozen memories vying for his attention at the same time.
Crawling over to Ansen, ripping the life-force from his chest.
Explaining to Mel about Rhee. "He killed my wife and daughter."
"You just had to tell the custom's guy that you were from Cirron?" Mel said in obvious frustration.
Realizing that he had been betrayed. "Zin! You did this?"
Mel's voice, amused, "On our planet, that would be a snake that barks..."
Capturing Rhee, in his anger making the Collection process slow and painful.
Taking Kres' life-force because it was the only way to save his life. "Think of the most beautiful place you've ever seen..." he said soothingly, making the Collection as quick and painless as possible.
Mel with easily a dozen boxes of Jell-O in her hands, looking and sounding eager to please him, "I hope lemon-lime's okay..."
Hanging from chains, weak and drained, Mel weeping over him.
Struggling against cold-induced weakness to reach Mel before the killer could use the scalpel he was holding against her throat.
Dancing on the bar.
Mel's voice, "Personal hygiene is extremely important..." The feel of her gentle hands on his chest, a completely new sensation to a man to whom sensation itself was new. So absorbed in this wonderful new experience that he could not even remember what he had been talking about, his eyes half-closing, leaning back slightly, towards her. There were no words for how amazing her hands felt, no concept to describe the emotions and sensations it stirred in him...
"Whew..." he gasped, staring at her. That last memory had left his heart pounding and his head spinning. But it was the memory before that which left him feeling confused. "Why was I standing on the bar taking my clothes off?" he finally asked, after taking a few moments to compose himself.
Mel dissolved into helpless giggles at the question. Or maybe it was just the memory. "Long story..." she gasped, still laughing.
Cole smiled. It was the first time he had seen her genuinely happy since they had been reunited. Her laughter was infectious, and he soon found himself chuckling softly. His memory was still very spotty, and he remembered nothing before patterning his image after that on the billboard, but he knew who and what he was and Mel could not have been happier about it. These factors combined to make him very happy. He gently rubbed her back with one hand as she got the giggles out of her system.
When her laughter had subsided, he took her hands in his and requested eagerly. "Tell me more."
Mel smiled and nodded. This was her Cole, eager and curious and physical without reason or expectation. "What do you want to know?"
"Everything."
"Um... that could take me a few weeks, Cole." She grinned.
He nodded. "Can we go into my room? Maybe I'll remember more in there."
She smiled and nodded, rising. "You've got it."
Grinning, Cole followed. His memory was rapidly filling itself in. As soon as he entered his room, he discovered a new one.
Wahote, the Native American man whose grandson had been killed. "What's this?"
"My room."
"No bed?"
"I don't sleep."
Cole paused, frowning thoughtfully.
Mel frowned apprehensively at him. "Is... something the matter?"
"I don't sleep..." he muttered, confused.
She nodded. "That's right, normally you don't."
"Why now? What's different?"
"I had assumed that whatever it was that gave you the amnesia was also the reason that you needed to sleep."
He nodded, considering this. What had given him the amnesia?
"Um... here's your Collector." Mel gingerly picked the device up and handed it to him.
It fit easily into his hand, comfortable and familiar. He made a slow pass with his hand, Collecting an imaginary life-force.
Mel smiled and nodded, but kept well away from it. Cole never had mentioned if it worked on humans or not. "Yeah, that's right. That's how you capture them. And you keep them--"
He stepped forwards and pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her. Wanting to remember for himself, he looked around the room. "Here..." He walked over to the storage-unit and glanced thoughtfully at it for a moment. "I keep them here."
Mel nodded again, still smiling. "Yeah. That's right."
Cole moved the Collector over the storage-unit until he found the right position. Then he carefully transferred Ansen's life-force from the Collector into the storage-unit. It was easy, almost instinctive.
"You remember." Mel patted his shoulder encouragingly. "This is great Cole."
"I still remember nothing before taking my image..." He sat down with a sigh, considering the significance of this.
"Maybe it'll come in time..." Mel suggested hopefully.
He shook his head. "No. These walls are different, Mel. Not like the others. They're not crumbling. They should be, but they aren't." He rubbed his forehead, sighing.
"Headache?" Mel asked, disheartened.
He shook his head. "No, Mel... I just..." He stared up at her with sad eyes. "I had a daughter!" He remembered telling Mel about her, about how she had been killed. "I can't remember what she looks like..." he whispered.
"Oh, Cole..." Mel whispered, leaning over him and drawing him into a hug.
Cole slipped his arms around her as well, glad for her presence. With her, he truly was not alone. "Why can't I remember her?" he whispered, his whole body shaking with grief.
"You will, Cole, you will..." Mel whispered, rocking him. She held him close until the tremor subsided, and for several more minutes after that, not sure what else to do. She wanted so badly to comfort him, but she had never come close to experiencing that kind of loss. "Come on. Let's... let's go into the living-room. I've got some ice-cream..." she offered, feeling silly even as she said it. As if ice-cream could offset the grief of knowing that you had a daughter, knowing that she had been killed, and not being able to remember what she looked like.
"Cookies and cream?" he asked hopefully. It was Mel's favorite flavor and had, either through default or osmosis, become his as well. Or maybe it was just that it was the best flavor of ice-cream known to mankind.
Mel smiled and nodded. "I bought two cartons right before I left to come get you."
Cole smiled and rose, following her into the kitchen. The ice-cream was not particularly comforting in and of itself, but Mel's attempt to offer him some small reassurance and comfort was. No wonder she had been the only thing on his mind. She was his anchor, his life-line. His friend, companion, partner... She was everything to him but what he had thought she was, what he still wanted her to be. He sighed again as she handed him a bowl of ice-cream with a comforting smile.
"You will remember her, Cole..." Mel assured him gently, patting his arm lightly. She could not help but wonder how much of his desire to remember his daughter was really a desire to remember his wife.
"I know, Mel." Cole smiled and nodded.
Mel had misunderstood the sigh, but that was really just as well. It was so hard for both of them, feeling the things they did and not being able to act on them. He remembered how much he had hated himself when he had told her what they could not have. He had not been able to find any better words than the ones that had hurt her so. His vocabulary, while extensive, was insufficient to explain the raw fear he felt for her well-being.
First London, her life in danger so many times in that one night... Then the seminar, her trying to aid him, then to rescue him, unaware that their quarry had agreed to kill her if she stood between them and him. They would have killed her without missing a beat. The thought of any harm coming to her left him feeling desolate, bereft, empty... All he wanted was to be able to protect her, to keep her safe.
They ate their ice-cream in silence, Cole occasionally regaining a fragment of a memory or connecting one to another. Finally, he spoke. "I'm sorry about embarrassing you in London, Mel..." he told her, recalling that he had done so more than once.
"What?" she asked, pausing with her spoon half-way to her mouth. "What do you mean?"
"In customs. And afterwards. And in the hotel room when you were setting up the screen, I thought you would be comforted..."
"Cole... It's okay." Mel smiled, placing the spoon in her bowl and pushing it aside. "You didn't know. It's... it's not something that... looking back, a lot of those things were actually pretty funny."
"I'm sorry I nearly got you killed in London..." he whispered, not looking at her.
Mel stared, wide-eyed. "Cole..." She shook her head. "It was not your fault. It was a trap. We walked into a trap. That's no one's fault."
"I should never have let you come..."
"I wouldn't have let you keep me from going, Cole."
Cole considered this for a moment. It seemed like a very strong statement from a simple friend, and it made him wonder about her. About them...
He smiled up at her. "I remember that about you. You're a very stubborn woman." He bowed his head. "I've always liked that in you."
Mel blushed and bowed her head, then changed the subject. "How's your memory?"
"Nothing before the billboard. Things after are still very spotty, but getting better." He shook his head. "It's so random, Mel. It's annoying."
"Random is good."
He frowned. "It is?"
"Gwen said so." At least, she thought that was what Gwen had said. Much of Gwen's little speech had sailed over her head.
He smiled and nodded. "Gwen should know. She's a..." he paused, knowing the concept but having to search for the word. "Psychologist." He frowned. "No, that's wrong, isn't it?" Even if it was not wrong, it was insufficient, he knew. There was more to the girl than the surface Gwen, although he could not clearly define what more. Perhaps it was just a matter of waiting for the proper memories to return.
"It's close..." Mel offered, wanting him to remember.
"She's a student. I remember telling her that I used to be an educator when she told me that." Yes, Gwen was a student, but still... she was something else as well, something that he could not adequately explain, even to himself. Just a feeling, really, not even a certainty.
"What did you teach?" Mel asked, hoping for some memory of home.
"I don't know. She didn't ask." He echoed the sigh that Mel gave to that response. "It's so frustrating, Mel."
"I know, Cole..." she whispered. "We'll... figure it out. Don't worry."
He smiled at her. With Mel, it often seemed that nothing was impossible. "I know, Mel." He leaned over and gently caressed her throat for a moment before dropping his hand. His memory was still spotty enough that it was hard to tell how much was too much. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, but words eluded him. He settled for, "Thank you, Mel."
"For what?" she asked softly, curious.
"For everything. For taking me in. For trusting me. For helping me. For being there when I need you. Everything, Mel..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "You've done so much for me, and..." He caressed her throat again, once more at a loss for words. "Thank you, Mel."
She smiled and patted his chest gently. "It... There was just something about you. I still don't know why I offered you that ride that day, but... Once I got to know you, I couldn't do anything but help you."
"You... like helping people." He rose and walked into the hallway, stopping outside of her bedroom door. "Here. It was here."
"What was?" Mel asked, following.
"I was in my underwear again and you were upset. You... you gave me clothes and you said..." He picked up her hands and held them in front of his chest. "You said 'you need more help than I can give you'... and then..." He smiled and closed his eyes, a golden glow appearing under his hands.
When she felt the gentle energy, Mel abruptly found herself lost in a memory of her own.
"You need more help than I can give you..." she said in frustration, pushing the clothes towards the nearly-naked and clearly insane man.
He looked at her with that blank, expressionless stare of his, only his eyes conveying anything. He regarded her thoughtfully, his eyes curious and a little hopeful, then he reached out and covered her hands with his. As she stared at him uncertainly, a golden glow appeared under his hands. Immediately, frustration and confusion were swept away, replaced by trust and wonder and an emotion that she could not have begun to describe. One thing was sure, though. Whoever this strange man was, he needed her help, and she would give it to him.
He was like a newborn child, helpless, alone, and naked. He needed her help, and she had no choice but to give it to him. Not because of him, not because of what he had just done, but because something inside of her was drawn to him. Something inside of him was calling out to something inside of her. As done as she was with rescuing men, she could never have turned her back on him. And, as she offered to let him stay in her spare room for one night, she knew that she would never be able to turn her back on him.
"I remember..." she breathed, smiling up at him. She freed her hands from his and slid her arms around him, holding him close. "God, I was so worried about you, Cole..." she whispered.
"I know. I missed you..." he replied, hugging her fiercely and closing his eyes.
"Tell me it's going to be okay..."
"Everything will be fine, Mel. I promise."
He held her tightly, rocking her absently. He was still troubled by his inability to remember anything before, but that would pass, he was sure. It would take time, it would be frustrating, but he could do it. Mel would be there for him, and, with her help, there was nothing that he could not accomplish.
Still, it was troubling. There was a reason those memories were not returning, and it bothered him. He was not sure, but he thought that he would probably have to find that reason before the memories would return.
