Redhead's Stuttering, Desperate Monologue
fate brought us together so many times before
so it is hardly suspicious to haphazardly meet you here
and yet, fate has ripped us into a thousand pieces
so i make haste,
not knowing if i will have the breath to speak again
i fear choking
well, lover, we have ridden a storm, black as night
skeletons screamed and clawed from black waters
but we lived it up, held on, watched it pass us with a winking glance
i almost recall us laughing in the face of the reaper,
whose dark form was intimidating, but manageable
we didn't resist, and didn't we make it?
pause, and let it sink in, i plead
believe it
aren't i still here, looking into your eyes,
trying to scrutinize you and hoping you can't deny,
mumbling a thousand prayers, biting my lip,
shrinking back from rejection, my stinging red welt,
yet lustful enough to let myself scar a few times?
when black stallions trampled down our roots,
hooves crashing down and ripping us to shreds,
didn't we ride them, too?
when the sun dried us into flakes and we crumbled,
becoming nothing more than meaningless sand grains,
didn't we fall on the same soil?
the universe burned us and ate us alive,
but we went together
and somehow, that was enough for me
i can't explain
forgive me, i don't make much sense
it's hard to cough out all that i want to say
and i'm trying to be quick,
because it looks like you might run away,
like a skittish horse with a lightning streak across his face
deities above, i plea that you restore us,
even if it will perhaps destroy us
and i will ask nothing more
for the risk is present, as always,
and all things are conquerable
flaring orange tigers lie in wait to tackle the walls of stone
but wait, i have not finished
spare me that pained, familiar look in your blue eyes
do you think i would speak to you to only reminisce?
this is the old church revival of yore
i find myself at the pulpit, a saintly preacher,
slamming down my fist, spelling out the law,
as forceful as the cocked gun, or penetrating glare,
praising the lord, knowing that the kingdom is now
for god's sake, lover, it's now
we're now
let that flourish like wildflowers, wildfires
a worldly sacrifice indeed
i'm tossing it all away, letting the drain suck it up thirstily
i'll run naked, homeless, starving, but nonetheless, still alive
clothed, housed, fed by your skin
you need do nothing but stand there and let me hold you
so i might relish the beauty of the sensation of touch,
the beauty of unity, oneness,
the completeness of feeling useful and loved,
that's all i need
the word's upon you
too much to bear, is it?
don't be afraid to love me, though i'm scared too
i don't bite
i suppose it's overwhelming to know i'll fall with you
but i'm coming down, unstoppable
try to charm me out of this one
smoothly following with red ribbons outstretched,
a magnet to you, i am drawn
run far, run hard, and i am behind you,
attempting to be the savior for you,
as you were for me so many times
i am still clinging to a pale, still, pulse-less wrist
i refill your veins will all of your secrets,
which i know better than i know my own
you are my obsession, my idol
my torment and self-crucifixion
bleeding me out
it's reciprocal
you feed, i feed
and we both, somehow, end up filled
the chalices overflow
shouldn't it be like that?
i can't say that i'm perfect,
so much falls short and i fumble on the last down,
losing all control, finding myself surprisingly weak
but i'd like to try and pull through for you
chance it, please
i ask of you with all of myself
could you let yourself?
it is so hard to unleash yourself, i know,
the shackles are familiar, at least,
while i am uncharted, weird, alien territory,
my terrain frightening
let's adventure, ride it together
please, let us be something
i beg you in this stuttering, desperate monologue,
would you, could you,
find a place in the whirlwind of your black hole for us?
