Last Piece of the Last Puzzle
i'm confronted, helpless, gasping for oxygen
i'm scrambling to get out of the cage,
hands sliding up to nowhere, gripping air
hearing the wretched sound of nails scratching,
terror on my breath, lips, in my shattered irises
it's still a dead end with a rugged cliff
my eyes fall down it,
shrieking as they collide with rusty earth
you're shaking the bars
mercilessly tearing up everything i crystallized,
forcing your way into the turtle shell,
your face glinting with a hurt expression,
not comprehending what i've done
you weren't supposed to
you surprised me
the aftershock leaves a tingle
it's drawing us away
farewell
there's only so much room inside my globe
a space for you, but not me, too
so i leave you with this vague shadow of myself,
a haunting that cannot fill the shoes
that's all that fits in my single box
i know you're trying to crack it
you remember so much shared,
how much we loved, how it rushed,
a million golden coins overflowing
like waterfalls lit by radiant neon lights,
i can see the treasure in your hands, glimmering,
passing over elegant fingers
capture it, coddle it like a little child
that sensation is all that's left for us
i'm sorry
remember me as i am now
we're parting ways
your eyes are like niagara falls
i cannot take the plunge
i'm breathless
if i never see you again,
i love you
wincing, i sting, laced in wounds
i'm walking away, feeling tired eyes on my back,
the sound of fingertips swiping at me rings silver chimes
i'm hearing you fall and keep falling,
listening to your hair brush into your face and eyes
but you never hit ground
and the puddles of your sobs drip down my neck,
making black burn marks that rub away self-control
i can't comprehend it
lost, i whirl, and you're sprawled on the marble
that's how it can't be
and that's how it is
i must stay back
this is what i swore to do
i am a statue
cold, hard, unmoving, lips frozen purple
with the words caught in my throat
i'm sorry
for the both of us
the choices vanish, leaving me speechless
confused, i wonder how i ended up so small,
so pitiful, so clumsy, so heartless
i'm left with the option of killing or killing
would i let the world break you open
like a coconut shell, splattering your juices?
or should allow you to perish at my own paralyzed hands?
i threaten you with my presence and my absence
something snapping whether i leave you or stay
it's a wicked snare
either way, you're doomed, like me
i'm dizzy and sick at the notion
now i see why we belong
yes, you're a goddess,
exhaling life into me, waking me from a drugged slumber
with cautious hands, we drag ourselves to our feet
it's my fault we fell in the first place
whispering hesitantly in your ear,
my breath catches and my heart beat quickens,
for i suddenly feel fuller than ever before in my brief life,
as if the last piece of the last puzzle has clicked into place
something surrenders – perhaps my control? -
and, in an instant, ecstasy takes me over
everything else vanishes
i am possessed by you, holding you
we melt together,
becoming a twisted puddle, formless
i'm lost in your essence
and i don't want to find myself again
