Realizing I Lost Her

Three- Ballistic

by Sakura Maxwell

"Ne, Takeru.." Angel's soft voice says as she wraps both arms around my neck. "How about we go to the beach? It'll be relaxing there.."

I ignore her, eyes fixated on the T.V. screen, but not really watching. Hikari.. It's been a month since she killed herself.. Tai, with the help and encouragement of Yamato, was able to recover. His parents.. I think they're pretty okay, sort of. I would be devastated if my child committed suicide..

"Takeru..? Are you alright? Honey..?"

I squeeze my eyes shut. Shut up, shut up, shut up.. I keep repeating in my head. Her voice has become so annoying and sickly sweet that it's driving me absolutely nuts. I can't stand it anymore!

Her arms leave me and I sigh in relief. Then I flinch as I find her face in front of mine.

"Takeru, dear, when are we going to have our wedding?" she asks, eyes serious. I blink. "Wedding?" I echo. She nods. "Yes, our wedding. You put it off for how long just because Hikari died. Haven't you gotten over that yet?" I blink, at a loss for words, then narrow my eyes. "It's hard to get over one of your best friends' death, *Angel*.." I hiss.

Angel doesn't flinch a bit. "Takeru, I'm sure Hikari wouldn't want you to mope around forever like this. She'd want us to get married. Didn't you mention she saying that in her little letter before she went and killed herself?"

Something in my mind clicks. The way she said that.. How carelessly.. As if it meant nothing.. As if Hikari's death was nothing..

I snatch her shirt and pull her closer to me, so that our faces are not even an inch away. "How dare you talk about Hikari's death as if it meant nothing," I hiss with hatred, then fling her away from me and get up, stalking towards the door.

"Takeru!" she yells. "You're acting like you *love* her or something!!"

I stop.

"..You.. You..*do* love her.." Angel mumbles in shock. I turn around and see her wide eyes staring at me. "I guess I do," I say emotionlessly, then turn around and open the door.

"No, you bastard!" Angel screams, and tackles me into the door. I hit it hard, and wince. What the fuck is she doing?!

"You fucking *liar*!!" she shrieks, getting up and running into my room. I stare at her, then follow when I hear the sound of crashing.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I demand, standing in my doorway. She's rampaging through all my drawers.. "HEY!"

She whips around, holding up a picture and a letter in her hand. Hate is burning in her eyes; her other hand is balled in a fist and shaking madly. Blood trickles from her palm onto the carpet.

Then I turn my gaze to the picture and gasp. Hikari!

"This!" Angel snarls, gripping the photo and letter so hard they crumple by her fingers, "How long have you been hiding this?!"

I stare at her, not answering.

"You *asshole*!" she screams, stalking towards me.

I stare speechless.

"Answer me!!" she says, on the verge of losing it. She roughly shoves the photo and letter in my face.

It's the letter Hikari wrote.

"You *lying, back-stabbing, cheating* JERK! You've been with her, haven't you?!" she accuses.

I rip the letters from her grasp and hold them at my side. "Angel, you have no right to accuse me of doing such a thing," I say as calmly as I can while glaring daggers at her. "For all I know, you could be--"

"No wonder Hikari went and killed herself!" Angel suddenly exclaims coolly as if understanding everything, turning around and walking back towards the drawer with her arms up at her sides. "She knew you were cheating when she realized you had *me, too*." She glances back at me with smirking eyes. "Oh, the poor girl.. She didn't know what to do so she just ended the pain *caused*--"

"SHUT UP!"

Her eyebrows rise, the smirk still there.

I'm shaking with rage. "How *dare* you accuse me of causing Hikari's death! As if you would know *anything* about her! I did not have a relationship with her, but you know what, I wish I had instead of going with you because I know what kind of bitch you can be, you no good for nothing piece of cra--"

"She loved you, but you turned your back to her, is it?"

My eyes widen.

The gleam returns to Angel's eyes. "You turned your back to her, and because of that, she killed herself. Isn't that right? That's what your saying."

I stare, the words stabbing me like a thousand daggers. I.. I turned my back to her..? But..

I'm sorry.. Gomen nasai, minna-san. I'm so, so sorry.. But.. I just can't get over this anymore. I've ignored and ignored but I can't anymore.. I couldn't.. I know I have disappointed you all, but please.. At least I won't have to endure all of the burdens I carried.. Gomen, Okaasan, Otousan.. Gomen, Tai..

Takeru.. I..hope.. I hope you're not sad.. You wouldn't be, right..? You love Angel. I guess.. I.. I hope you two.. Gomen nasai.. Takeru..

Hikari

Oh my God..

She's right.

I *did* turn my back to Hikari.

She tried to push it away but I..

..didn't notice at all…

Shaking.

I'm shaking.

Why?

..I'm..

..scared…

I..

I…murdered her…

I..

I murdered Hikari…

Oh God, no…

"The truth hurts, doesn't, hon?" Angel says with a sick satisfied voice. "But all is forgiven; I won't tell a soul if you just come back with me…"

She's right.

"Just forget Hikari."

I should.

"Come."

I..

I love Angel, right?

Isn't that why Hikari died?

"I love you, honey."

She loves me.

That's enough, right?

Right?

"Aishiteru, Takeru.."

.. 'Aishiteru, Takeru..' ?

"Aishiteru, Takeru.." ?

That voice.

Hikari.

"Takeru-babe," Angel whispers, coming closer. Her hands are on my arms. She's too close. Too close.

"Get away from me, you witch," I snarl, roughly escaping her grasp.

Angel stares wide eyed, then her face changes to that of a crazed, very pissed off savage.* "How *dare* you…"

"How dare *you* try to fuck with my mind!" I hiss angrily, grabbing her arm and slamming her into my drawer. I get up and start towards the door. I turn back at her and, with a dangerous tone, say, "Rest assured if you had gone too far, you would have knives stabbed all over your body," then leave.

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* - haha, a savage! haha!! XD

-

Okay, that was really screwed up, sorry. Wee hee! We got the new puter up an' running! …Except my dad won't let me go on the internet today and yesterday because he might get an important call from his work bossy dude…thing. Boss. Haha XP

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