YESTERDAY'S ASHES

Disclaimer: … … …

I have nothing to say about my ownership of the characters used for this story, so go figure.

CHAPTER 4

Life can put distance between us

Days even years could pass on

But the love that lies between us

Will always be worth holding on

I could try to forget you

But the memories keep lingering on

And the dreams I dream about you

They always keep me holding on

Together forever always

From the dawn 'til the end of the day

No matter how far or where you are

We're together forever always

'Together Forever Always' by LeAnn Rimes

[Just in case you get confused:

Words like this indicate voices heard in the characters' head (sort of like a mind voice)

Stuff in these: ' … ' indicate a second party talking.

Stuff in these: " … " indicate the person concerned talking.

Hope that wasn't too confusing… *sweatdrop*]

Kurei's dream

Fire.

All around me.

I am surrounded by it, yet I am unharmed.

The dancing purple flame I call my own.

The tongues of flame before me waver slightly and form a bird that grows larger with each passing moment.

The Phoenix.

It flaps its wings, sending a blast of hot air over me as it rises above me and stares down at me, scrutinizing me with eyes that burn deep into my soul. I raise my head to meet its gaze, ignoring the fact that I know I can not hide my feelings from it.

"Why are you here?"

You know why. A stern voice echoes in my head, commanding, yet, understanding.

I do. But I do not dare to confess it. Even to myself.

There is silence. I sigh, knowing that one of us has to give in sooner or later. "Because of Kurenai…"

Why do you keep holding on to the past? The future is all about you now. All you have to do is open your eyes, and look.

I laugh, a strange noise that sounds stifled. "What future? All I ever had was in my past. And I was robbed of that as well."

Stop misleading yourself. You cannot see what you have because you refuse to see it.

"What…" Of all things, here was my flame giving me a lecture.

You will not be able to understand yourself and others until you can learn how to let go. You think that by keeping all this to yourself, you are being strong. You are not. You are being a fool.

"Now wait a minute. Since when did I…"

You think that you can deceive yourself, master, but you can't. In the end, it is you who will suffer.

Speechless.

The Phoenix pauses, cocking its head to one side as it looks down at me as I struggle to absorb its words. Words that, much as I hate to admit, were true. It lowers its head slightly, such that it faces me directly, and continues, this time, softer, gentler. Master, look inside your heart, and trust yourself. If you cannot trust yourself and be true to yourself, then there's no one else you can turn to.

It fades, its shape blending into the flames around me. Suddenly, I feel arms around me, holding me tight in a familiar embrace.

I close my eyes, knowing that the person holding me is not human. Well, not fully human -

Kurenai.

I can see her wings stretching out on either side of me as she stays there, hugging me, not saying a word. Finally, she whispers into my ear, 'You know I will always be there with you Kurei, in flesh or in spirit. Trust me.' She lets go of me and withdraws. 'And trust your heart…'

I whirl around. There is no one there behind me.

"Kurenai? Kurenai!"

I hear the voice of an angel, singing a song, as I am dragged slowly back to consciousness. A song of hope, and joy.

'That special place in your heart, and mine. We will meet there. That is my promise to you…'

Kurenai's dream

A rose bush full of red blossoms in full bloom. Red, the colour of passion. For dream flowers, they smell very real…

Almost as though I really am standing in front of them.

I reach out a hand to touch a flower. I hear footsteps on the gravel path. I look up.

A couple approaches me.

They pause right in front of the bush I am standing at, not seeming to see me. They don't even know that I'm there. Their faces are in the shadow.

The girl reaches out and fingers the blooms, like I did, before turning to her companion. 'They're beautiful aren't they?'

He steps forward and closes his hand around hers. 'Not nearly as beautiful as you are.'

I know him. He is…

Kurei.

The light falls upon his face. It lacks the scar I saw when we were at the shop. It also looks so cold, and lonely.

The girl laughs as she says almost teasingly, 'Are you flattering me?'

He smiles at her, his eyes softening.

Then he disappears into the darkness. But the girl remains behind, her face still in the shadow.

"Who are you?" I ask curiously.

'I am you.' She replies.

I realise suddenly that she sounds like me.

"Impossible. How can you be me?"

She steps forward into the light, letting her action speak for her.

I am face to face with her, it's almost like looking into a mirror. Brown hair, amber eyes…

'I am your soul.'

"My…soul?"

'Yes. I can sense that you are confused, about him.'

"I don't know what you are talking about."

'You can't deceive me, I know you better than you do.'

"How do I know you are telling the truth in the first place?"

'Because deep inside you, you know that you trust me.'

Ok. So she had a point there.

I sigh wearily, all the feelings that have been troubling me for the past few days resurfacing. "Tell me… what to do. I don't know what to do, or think, or feel. He seems so familiar to me, but I don't know him. Do I?"

'You knew him once, a long time ago.'

"Then why don't I remember?"

'Because you don't want to remember it. To remember him, would be to remember all the pain that came with the happiness…'

Recklessly, I reply, "Show me."

She pauses. 'Are you sure you are ready for this?'

I nod. I am past caring about anything. I just want to know the truth.

She sighs slightly and vanishes back into the shadows. I feel something stirring inside me, unfolding… I can feel her become me, both in body and soul. I feel complete, yet lacking in something. Then, the memories hit me.

The good times we had together behind his father's back, all the secret trysts we had in the moonlit garden when no one was around to spy on us.

The pain of seeing him waste away emotionally under his father's thumb. The pain of…

Flash

My heart

It hurts

So bad

"Kurenai!!"

Make it stop

"Don't leave me please!"

I have to go

I'm sorry

My love

Flash

I stagger, then sink to my knees. The images flood my head, flashes of colour, so much pain. I could see it all happening again. Over and over…

His tears… my blood. A bird of flame hovering over my still body, entering me, consuming me totally, turning me into his flame…

I could see the battles I fought by his side, watching his comrades fight for him and with him. The purple-haired ninja, the masked man in armour, the red-headed flutist, whose affections for him were more than just that of a loyal employee… all of them…

Don't you see? He is the one your heart is searching for. Stop holding yourself back. The voice chides me softly.

I shake my head, unable to control the tears that start flowing down my face. "I know… I want to… but how? I am dead… aren't I?"

The inner me laughs softly. Yes, you were. But you see, sometimes wishes have the ability to surpass all boundaries.

"I need time…. I… don't know my own heart still."

The voice fades, Take your time. When you are ready, search your heart, and you will find him…

An image.

A wish.

A promise.

My love…

Kurei's POV

I dreamt of her again, last night.

But then again, it wasn't her. Not her human form in any case.

The Phoenix's advice certainly made sense to me…

Oh well. I suppose it's now or never.

I hold out my hand and summon my flame before I can stop myself again.

The familiar sensation of fire spreads up my arm as a ball of purple flame appears about my fingertips.

I hold my breath as I will out my flame angel…

Nothing.

She's not there. She's really alive.

A ridiculous grin spreads across my face. It takes all my self-control not to start jumping up and down in excitement, and convince my Uruha that I really have gone off my rocker.

There's only one place she'll be at if she has come to the same conclusion as me.

This time, I won't let her down.

Kurenai's POV

Do dreams really tell us the truth? Or are they just tricks that our imaginations play on us when we are not in control of them as we sleep?

Well, last night's dream seemed pretty real.

So real I was still crying when I woke up.

Yet, I felt no sadness, only a sense of… I could only call it… peace.

So here I am thinking about what 'I' told myself last night, about Kurei.

To find out that one is dead is… disconcerting to say the least. But to be able to come back from the dead, I'm sure there must have been a purpose in it.

I tried to lie to myself again in the dream, by saying that I did not know my heart, when in actual fact…

I knew it all too well.

I want to see him again.

I need to see him again.

To tell him that he is everything I hold dear.

'When you are ready, search your heart, and you will find him…'

I am searching, trying to remember where he could be, when I realise…

The answer was right in front of me all the time.

I know where I will find him.

And I know that that's where he'll find me.

Because he promised.

Insane Author's Notes:

Yay! One more chapter and I can say that I finished one whole serious fic that didn't have an ounce of crap in it!! Apart from the disclaimers and my spastic commentaries known as author's notes, that is… oh well, I just can't live without crap, like I can't live without sugar! *hyper grinz*

I'll be changing style again in the last chapter (aka, I'll be writing in proper prose in 3rd person instead of jumping from POV to POV). Sorry if this chapter and the previous one turned out rather fragmented; didn't want to confuse pple who might not get who is having what POV by not labeling the parts… Ok fine. I didn't want to confuse myself while writing this. But, oh well, if there're pple out there like me, then I guess you guys would appreciate it, ne?

Since this is almost the end of the fic, any suggestions abt what I should write in the future are welcome. All my inspiration is currently being channeled into my Playstation. Ü Last but not least, please R & R!!

Ps: I might go MIA again cos I'm supposed to study for my exams… but then again, I've a reputation for being on the computer when I'm not supposed to. *winks* I'll try to finish this ASAP okie?