Author's Note: Whee! My second Johnny fic, and no shit…. It's CrAzY! Okay, okay. So I had a little fun with the idea. The whole reason for writing, FUN!!! So, I hope you like it!

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Johnny the Homicidal Maniac was dead. ...Or was he? Johnny (or Nny, as his friends call him) stood before the heads of the afterlife, God and Satan. They were concealed in the middle grounds of paradise and puddings of shit.

"So, um... do I get to go to hell yet? Or heaven... wherever, somewhere I guess?" Nny asked. As long as he was dead, he thought he'd make the best of it and find his place as soon as possible.

Senior Diablo, however, had a different idea. He stood bemused, thinking of how he could further push that little man over the edge. Every so often, a little fun was in order. More torment to those little ant-like people crawling over the earth in the mortal world. Trying not to smile too much, he came up with a completely bull shit explanation for a chaotic little plan. "Johnny C., as a waste lock, you still must be sent back. I can see that you are having some problems managing your physical self. Your anger seems to get you in trouble a bit too often. As I stand here, thinking of HOW to send you back, I think that a change in your life is necessary. Now, my idea is to leave your mind the same. Changing it would only change you as a person, and that wouldn't be good for your soul, now would it?"

"Mmm-hmm..." Nny nodded, pretending to understand what Mr. Satan was leading to. "So... what kind of change?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just something to... protect you..." Senior Diablo snickered. "Protect you from some of the physical abuse from your own kind!" He was lying about something. Hiding something as well. Even Nny could sense something wasn't right. But how do you argue with the Devil?

"So... God? Is this part of the procedure?" Nny looked over to see that God was asleep again in the Lazy-E-God chair. "God…?"

"Oh don't worry, there's no vacancy left in heaven right now anyway. Play along, and I guarantee that everything will be different..." He snickered sinisterly again. The fiend. "Oh, wipe that look off your face. When have I misled you? If you recall, I was the one who informed you of your status in the first place. Show some gratitude for your superiors." He smiled again. "Lookie, Nny. Time to leave again. Remember Johnny, you're worthless. Have fun with the rest of your life." Once Satan had finished talking, There was a great poof of smoke, and Nny was transported back to the mortal coil.

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As Nny's eyes opened, the blur around him transformed into the world. His world, his house. 'Surprise surprise. I'm alive again. It's almost a shame that the so-called mysteries of life have been so damned redundant lately.' Standing up and brushing the dust from his knees, he thought to himself. 'I've been brought back for a reason. Time I took that into consideration and try to be a bit more careful with my life. I think I'll go kill some football players now!' He walked around a bit, pacing across the room. 'Something's strange. Different. Hmm...' He tapped his foot against the crackling wooden floor. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something WAS off. He wished he knew what. Shrugging it off, he decided it must just be the adjustments to being alive again. Regardless, he was thirsty. A nice walk to the 24/7 for a Cherry Freezy, and all would be swell. He didn't feel like hearing any more sound in his head, so he neglected to even touch the headphones. Sticking his hands in his front pockets, he left whistling to himself.

For some reason, just walking down the road, he still felt funny. He simply didn't know why. Shuffling down the streets, he noticed that it was a strangely calm day. The weather stood still, and very few people were crowding the area. As he passed the Cafe le Prick, he noticed a few of the regular assholes were there staring at him. 'Ignore them. Pay them no mind. Time to stop the insanity!' he thought, keeping a swift pace.

"Hey bitch! Don't ignore us!" One of them shouted.

'Shit,' Johnny thought. He turned around a moment, thinking of how easy it would be to gut that bastard like a fish. Oh how kind, the words of strangers. He turned back around and kept going on his way. 'Bitch?! That's a new one. Screw them. Pay them no mind.'

"Yo! Come here!" He shouted again.

His Friend stood up. "Forget that one, dude! Little crack whore..."

That was a first. Those names. God, people were such asses! 'Why must they use their intelligence to make my life miserable?!' He felt the fury rising to his throat. "WHY?!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, only to jump at the startling sound he heard. He clasped his hands over his mouth, ignoring the passer-bys that shot him funny looks. He was so sure he had just shouted! But that wasn't his voice. It couldn't be his voice! "What the-" He covered his mouth again. Was that really him?! Seeing a clothing store right in front of him, he burst into the door, running to the fitting room.

"Can I help you..?" a sales person asked, as Johnny blazed by.

"No!" he shouted, shuddering at what he heard. He shut his eyes tightly, as he opened the dressing room door. When positioned before the mirror, he gulped slightly, then opened them. "AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!"

The sales person rolled her eyes. "Weirdo."

Nny stood there gaping, completely mesmerized by the image in the mirror. HE was a SHE! (Author's note: All further pronouns representing Johnny will be changed hence forth from 'he' to 'she.' *Snickers*) She couldn't possibly believe what she was seeing, but there it was, right in from of her. "Shit..." she spoke aloud. "That's some change..." She bolted from the dressing room and ran all the way home.

"Have a nice day, miss!" The sales person chirped as Johnny ran by again.

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She ran into her house, and slammed the door behind her. Descending the stairs of her many floor basement, she wondered why such a cruel joke was unraveling itself. She went into the dark, damp bathroom and flicked the light switch on. With a determined look on her face, she studied herself in the mirror. Not all that different, really. Her face was slightly rounder, and her jaw not as wide. Her lips seemed fuller, and her eye lashes a bit longer. Her course dark hair was at least ten times longer, flowing just over her shoulders. Her body was still just as skinny, but for a girl, she had a decent form. She looked down. 'My God!' Her eyes wide with curiosity, she peered down her shirt. 'I have boobies!' Starting to feel a little sick, she looked back up. Her fingers clenched against the counter. 'This can't be happening! I am not a woman! Well... I guess that explains the voice... and that weird feeling. And those assholes down at the cafe. Damn it! This can't be happening!' She stomped upstairs, angry as ever. Never in a million years had she felt so humiliated.

* Who is that? ...Hello? *

"Hey…! Burger thing! It's me!" Nny exclaimed.

* You can hear me?! No… can't be! You're… you're… Tee hee heeeeee! Oh this is priceless! Oh lord, Nny, where do you keep the cameras? *

"Shut… up… Just don't say a thing…! In case you haven't noticed, this hasn't been a very good day." She turned away from the little Bub's Burger Boy that represented the voice of his desires. As much of a pain as it usually was, Nny could tell it would be worse today. She needed to get out. After all, she never did make it to the 24/7, and all the freaking out was making her quite thirsty. Still with the change in her pockets, she left the house. With a sneer, she checked the inside of her coat to make sure that she had a few knives with her.

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Nny stormed down the street, as mad as ever, with the fires of hell burning in her eyes.

"Heya, baby! Where's a skinny little thing like you headed?"

Nny spun around. It was that creep who had called her a crack whore! He smiled stupidly at her. That was it. That was all it took to push her over the edge. "You… You're talking to me?" The man nodded, and raised his beer bottle up in the air. He cackled a drunken laugh between his teeth. Nny smirked at him. There was something strangely amusing about this. She slowly reached into her coat. "You're talking to… me…?" Her smile grew wider. The man had a creepy horny look on his face. Nny decided this would be fun. As she revealed the blade from inside her jacket, the man's expression changed to one of complete and utter terror. He mumbled some expletives, and tried to run, stumbling around. Nny leapt at him, then pinned him against the wall, holding the tip of the knife to the man's throat. "I don't think I need to explain my day to you, but rather, teach your miserable mind a lesson…" Though she was not her normal self, her maniacal, toothy grin was still the same. "Not every is as submissive to your stupidity as you may think. With that said, buh-bye."

"No… No! Stop it!" He shrieked like a sissy.

She quickly sliced the edge of the blade through his throat, then casually stepped back as the body fell to the ground. 'That was somewhat fun. There's something nice about luring those assholes into their own idiocy. And it's a lot less bothersome than getting a beating before hand. But, now… how shall I deal with the assholes out there who are now my own gender? Heh heh… I'll work that out later.' She trudged down to the 24/7. 'Dammit. Stupid hair,' she thought. From running to the kill, her long brown hair had fallen in front of her eyes. She pushed it behind her ears, but could feel the knots in it. 'I'm not gonna get used to this, am I?' For a minute, she thought of chopping it off. But as she glared at the strangers along the side of the road, she changed her mind. The last thing she wanted was to get hassled for uneven hair.

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Once she arrived back home, Brain Freezy in hand, she decided something had to be done about her hair. The wind had picked up, and dealing with it was quite a bitch. 'That's it! It's coming off now!' She whipped out her blade, and began hacking at it. Some of the portions fell to the ground, but most of it resisted, split and knotted. 'Shit… shit… SHIT!!!'

* Nny, might I suggest a rubber band? *

"Eh?" She turned around and faced Reverend Meat.

* We're really at first base here, aren't we? *

"Oh! Oh yeah," she replied to Meat's question. Pulling a rubber band out of a nearby drawer, she pulled her hair up into a high ponytail. Some of the side bangs still wouldn't fit, so she let them hang down, framing her face. "Hmm… better, but this is still quite fooked…"

* Such is life, Nny. Such is life. *

Nny raised an eyebrow at the whimsical little burger toy. "You can shut up now."

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Author's Note: Okee Dokes. There's the first installment! Hope you enjoyed your stay, and don't forget to R/R on your way out! ^_^