Disclaimer: They're not mine
SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!
NOTES TO MY REVIEWERS AT THE BOTTOM.
Okay this chapter is going to be lighter than the last. It has to be. I can't write another chapter that dark again. Oh yes, something I meant to mention. The idea of Ginny meeting a boggart has been used before… I believe there is a story called 'Ginny and the Boggart'. In that story, the boggart became a version of Harry who didn't love her. As in Harry's rejection was her worst fear. The story I thought was very sweet, if you're a Harry/Ginny shipper, but I couldn't see that as being Ginny's truest fear. Somehow fearing herself seemed more sound.
Yeah and I'm sooooo sorry for how dark the last chapter was. This one borders on fluffy, so please hang in there everyone. Notes to my reviewers at the bottom.
I'm a waste of a momma's boy
It's a shame they say there's so much
you know you'll never enjoy
All the love we come to destroy
There's a moment lost in time
When she says 'Hush,
I'm on your side
It's just the two of us
You know that I….
You know I'll never say goodbye'
(Angie Aparo: Hush)
Harry stood outside the Slytherin common room door.
"What the Hell am I doing here?" he thought dubiously.
He almost turned around to head back to his own common room but he stopped. The fact was that no matter how much he truly hated Draco Malfoy he couldn't deny that his worst enemy was the only one who could help him now. Ginny was missing. She had not returned after her disappearance during Potions and no one knew where she was. Ron was frantic, searching the grounds, repeating over and over again that he had to find her and no one could tell them anything except that they had heard her scream, Snape had left to get her but returned without her and more vicious than ever.
He had searched in the owlery tower and in the halls, but he knew that he didn't have a clue as to where she really was. So he had stood outside the Slytherin portrait for the better of fifteen minutes trying to think of an excuse to call for Draco Malfoy.
Finally he knocked. The portrait of a sharp faced lord looked down on him coldly as he banged against the picture. Finally the portrait swung open revealing a rather pretty girl with a confused look on her face. She jumped when she saw herself looking at none other than the famous Harry Potter.
"What are YOU doing here," she asked aghast.
Harry felt incredibly stupid, but he covered it up with an angry expression and said in as rough a voice as he could muster in such short notice, "I want to speak to that git Malfoy! And he knows damn well what it's about!"
The girl automatically assumed that this school hero had some sort of fight going on with the champion of the Slytherin house (it wouldn't be the first time). Turning around she told him to wait and that she would bring Draco. A few minutes later Malfoy was at the door his face drawn up tightly and still wearing his Quidditch jersey. He took one look at Harry and said, "So come to finish things have you? I can't wait to grind your face into the bloody floor."
Harry was grateful that Draco had picked up his hint. Forcing anger into his voice he said, "Well are you coming? Or are you just going to stand there in the happy protection of your lousy cronies?"
Draco threw out his most vile, bitter laugh and said in a dead cold voice, "Harry, you're a dead man."
Just for minute Harry wasn't sure that Draco wasn't really serious. Muttering a few words to the Slytherins he walked out with all the aura of someone ready to have the fight of their life.
They had barely gotten out of earshot of the Slytherins when Draco suddenly yank Harry aside and slammed him up against the wall.
"Ok, Potter what the Fuck is going on? Do you have some kind of death wish? Because if so then by Sauron's Ring I don't mind fulfilling it!"
Harry wrenched himself free of Draco's grasp. "Malfoy I don't have time for this. Something's happened to Ginny. She was in Potions when Snape sent her to the cellar to get some ingredient or other. Some time later the class heard her scream. Snape went down to see what had happened, but he came back fuming without her and nobody's seen her since. I've looked everywhere I can think of… and Ron's scoured the grounds. You have got to help me find her!!" At the end of the tirade Harry sounded almost desperate.
"I don't HAVE to help you with anything," Draco muttered. Harry stared at him as if he hadn't heard correctly. The look he gave him made Draco want to break his jaw. Without bothering to explain himself he began to head towards his own room leaving Harry to choose whether or not he wanted to follow.
Muttering a spell the door swung open revealing the empty room. Harry stared inside blankly. "She's not in here," he said apprehensively.
"I can see that you stupid git!" snarled Draco.
Harry was already pacing around. "Well if she's not here than we have to go look somewhere else…. We can't just wait around here for her to show up again!"
"Will you SHUT UP! Why in Sauron's name am I stuck baby-sitting you? Of all the worthless, hopeless dicks on the planet…"
"Do you know how to do ANYTHING else except insult people! I'm trying to help Ginny here!"
"I'll bet… just like you helped Cedric. To the grave."
Harry spun around furious and made an ill timed swing at Draco's sneering face. Three seconds later the two of them were on the ground with every intention of breaking as many bones in the other as possible. Having just bloodied Harry's nose, Draco release his grip on Harry's throat to make a cheerful swing at his stomach.
Big mistake.
Harry rolled, grabbed his wrist, crushed his tendons and flipped him on his back. Aiming to break Draco's jaw Harry raised his fist… and then stopped. He stood up suddenly shouting, "We have GOT to stop this! I hate you, you hate me, we BOTH want to find Ginny so we're going to have to work together. Just get up and fucking help me!"
Draco felt such and incredible disgust in his throat he thought he would vomit. Why the hell did Harry have to be so damn noble? He could push it, he thought, Harry was already tense and if he wanted he could push this shining example of a perfect bastard into pure rage. What a wonderful feeling to know he could push every button Harry had. He already had him swearing. But Harry was of course right. Ginny was gone and that was more important then the incredible urge to permanently rearrange Harry's face. Rolling over and pulling himself up he buried his head in his hands muttering, "Tell me what happened again during her class so we can figure out what was bloody going on anyways."
Harry wiped his messy nose, touching his purple eye gently. "All I got out of the students was that she was sent to get something from Snape's cellar. She was gone a few minutes and then they heard her scream. Snape went to give a look in on her and came back alone and angry. That's all I know, for all the good it does."
Draco massaged his aching side and thought for a moment. "Something frightened her badly. Course she was tense today… I saw her during lunch and she looked bad, but Ginny's not a screamer by nature, she's more that type to get frozen when she's frightened, so whatever she saw must have been intense… like her worst fear..."
Harry's eyes narrowed. "Worst fear? You think it was a boggart?"
Draco nodded. "That's the only thing that makes sense. Considering she wouldn't be expecting it either… that can terrify a person." He thought involuntarily to the first time he had faced a boggart and seen his murderous father towering above him ready to kill. It was not something he had ever wanted to repeat. He wonder what Ginny had seen… and felt that horrible feeling in his gut. The fear and worry you feel when someone you love is hurt. Of all the disgusting weak side affects of loving Ginny that was the worst.
Talking suddenly to hide his discomfort he said, "If she had wanted comfort she would have come here and waited. She doesn't want to be found."
Harry swallowed. "That's… that's bad isn't it?"
The open concern in Harry's voice made Draco furious again. In a voice dripping in sarcasm he ground out "Well give the boy a metal, gentlemen, he's managed to come to an unusually brilliant conclusion!"
What right did Harry have to be concerned he thought angrily. He didn't love her. He didn't lay awake at night in misery just thinking about her smile or what she had said, even in passing, or that incredible sadness that always swam around in her eyes even when she smiled. He didn't understand that gut wrenching feeling of seeing her trace her fingers over still bleeding cuts with an inhuman tenderness. He didn't know anything.
"Can you stop being an asshole!" hissed Harry. "For the last bloody time, can we please try and -"
"If she doesn't want to be found she's going to go a place she doesn't know so that people won't suspect her of being there." Draco interrupted. He didn't want to listen to anymore of Harry's righteousness. "If she was really upset then her first priority would be to get away from everyone and then to get to a place where she could cut as fast as possible. She's probably still near the dungeons. It's a foreign area for her and no one would think to look so close to the dankness of that place. Give the chance of the halls shifting… "
"Is there some room or some area where she would go or be shifted to? Some Slytherin hideout that the rest of us don't know about?"
Draco raised an eyebrow. "There are some caverns… no that's not right, they're more like attics… past the that statue hallway towards the west end."
He hadn't even finished saying the words before the two of them were already moving down the halls.
The way to get around in Hogwarts is not to think about where you were going but feel forward and let the way find itself. They ignored the eerie hallway of staring statues saluting the wizarding worlds dead and passed to the halls that Draco spoke of. When they reached the rows of random doors Harry felt his stomach drop. They still had a lot of searching to do. Unlocking spells were muttered as they split up to search down the uneven rows of doors. As with everything in the castle, there was no arrangement and no system to the doorways, they went up down and spiraled into nowhere but both of them disregarded that fact… at this point finding Ginny was the only priority.
Harry wasn't sure when it happened exactly but as he was coming down a stair case to the landing where they had begun searching it occurred to him that he hadn't heard Draco's voice calling for Ginny for a time. Looking around he found an open door hidden behind a winding staircase and entered calling, "Malfoy? Are you in there?"
As Harry entered the first thing he noticed was that the room was lit with the unnatural light of a 'luminous' charm. Weaving in between the crates, trunks and broken statues he made his way inside… and found Draco kneeling down on the ground next the still figure of Ginny Weasly. He had barely taken in the expression of utter shock on Draco's face before he got a good look at her. What he saw made his knees weak and his stomach turn.
She was laying utterly still in the midst of a pile of broken glass encrusted in what was obviously dried blood. Her robes were torn and clearly showing across her exposed chest were the red swollen words, 'I hate you'. Harry felt sick and dizzy. This hadn't happened, it wasn't happening…
Draco's voice startled him. "Why?" he whispered in a voice so soft and sad that Harry wasn't sure it was him at first. "Why hate yourself, Ginny? How could you hate yourself?"
Harry finally managed to gasp out, "I-I-I-s she-oh dear god--- is she--- she-"
Draco snapped out of wherever his mind had been. "She's unconscious, you stuttering dolt. Quit gaping like star-struck Satyr and help me get her to my room."
Harry's mind focused again and he said, "Are you mad? We have to get her to the infirmary. She needs help…."
"No," said Draco firmly "Nobody else is ever going to see her like this."
"For the love of Merlin, enough is enough! She's out cold due to blood loss and you're worried about whether someone finds out about her cutting? Get your priorities straight!"
"She's not out because of blood loss. You have to loose a LOT of blood to pass out. It's more likely stress. I'm not asking your opinion in this Potter. You either help me take her to my room, or I put a memory charm on you, knock you out and leave you here till I feel like finding you. Make a choice." To better convince Harry of his seriousness he gripped his wand and raise his hands dangerously.
Harry wanted desperately to just take out his wand and put Draco to the test, but Ginny's cold figure on the ground forced him to put his personal feelings aside. "Well come on then," he muttered. "You carry her, I'll scan the halls."
Moments later they were off. Draco felt the lightness of her body in his arms as he hurried her to his room. For a moment he considered taking her to the infirmary. What if she had hurt herself and something happened? But she was still breathing, though shallowly and her pulse was steady even though it was faint. He pushed his doubts aside and followed Harry to his room.
When they reached their destination Draco laid her gently on the bed and began to fish out the pieces of broken glass from her hair. Harry stood over him pacing nervously.
"Okay, she's here. Now what do we do? Do we just wait around and let her come to?"
Draco rolled his eyes and kept a cold face, but he couldn't stop the slivers of doubt from building up inside. "We have no idea how long that will be. You can't just carry her back to the Gryffindor house unconscious and not expect any to notice!!! We should wake her up. I don't have smelling salts or anything in here though. Is there a spell we can use?"
"How should I know!?" shouted Harry "This is YOUR mess Malfoy, you figure out how to fix it!"
"Harry, YOU'RE supposed to be the great wizard! Surely there's some spell you can use…"
"We use potions for unconsciousness, not spells. And neither of us has access to anything useful…This is so stupid; two able wizards and we can't even revive a girl."
"Can you do a mind probe on her? Sort of nudge her out of it?"
Harry raised his wand, ready to take Draco's advice. But after a few incantations he gave up.
"Draco, this is serious," Harry muttered nervously "She's not just passed out, it's like I can't reach her. Like she's hiding in her mind."
Draco began raking his hands through his hair nervously, every moment more afraid that he had made the wrong choice and that she DID need to be in the Infirmary. "Can't you use something stronger?" he asked dubious
Harry thought for a moment then said, "Wait. There is something…but no, I'd better not play around with it."
Draco's attention was perked. "What are you talking about?"
Harry began biting his nails. "There's something Hermione did a special on a few weeks ago… They're mind bridging spells. They can form temporary links between wizards; empathy, telepathy… but there very difficult to do."
"What would it help anyways? I want her to wake up, not read her mind!"
"No… it works differently. There was one they use for bringing people out of comas. A part of your mind melds with the other persons and you somehow bring them out of it… Never mind. It's a bad idea."
Draco looked from Ginny to Harry in rapid succession.
"Do it."
Harry jumped. "No way. I'm not playing around with something that risky. If I get it wrong…"
"Do it Harry. I'll figure out something. She has to wake up, Harry, before we get caught and this whole mess blows up in our faces. Are you going to wait for something to happen to her, or for those idiot Gryffindors to call a professor?"
Harry wasn't sure why he gave in. Perhaps it was because he couldn't stand the sight of Ginny like that, so cold and pale. Maybe it was because he had never seen Draco in so human a form and it weakened his defenses. But in the end he was there, arms raised, trying to remember the words and the wand movement, trying to focus…
Something was bound to go wrong.
Ginny felt herself coil deeper in the darkness that had settled all around her. It was quiet here and comfortable and she was safe from the mess that lay around her outside.
This was safe.
This was---
Suddenly she felt herself wrenched forward and shooting through space, time and reality so quickly the colors turned into streams of light and dark. She felt sick and dizzy and so completely out of control that she wanted to scream, but she didn't know how to.
Almost before it had begun it was over she felt her consciousness falling head first in to an abyss.
She wasn't sure what happened, but it was as if she had slowed in her fall and she was now semi-floating in a sea of ice. It was so cold! Her body--- but then she realized she didn't have a body. She felt a surge of panic sweep through her as she realized she was not physically present---where ever she was. She was there in some metaphysical sense, like a flame in the dark. But she was not impregnable to sensation and all she felt was cold. Penetrating soul raking cold. It ate through her from every direction, numbing her to any sensation beyond it's iciness.
'I can't live through this,' she thought desperately, pain, darkness even death was better than this.
Just when she thought she couldn't possibly take a moment longer in the frozen hell her conscious mind was drifting through, she came to some sort of barrier.
A barrier meant there was something on the other side….something other than this deadly cold.
She pushed forward trying to direct herself passed the liquid ice around her. As she pushed the barrier is seemed to mold around her, like steel becoming jelly and with out warning she was through.
Out of the freezer into the fire.
The emotions assaulted her in one merciless tidal wave. Nothing was solid. Everything was emotion. Fear, Anger, Lust, Love, Pity, Hate, Sadness crashed around her with no control or order, utterly unrefined and brutal. And everything seemed to rock to an unfathomable rhythm held by throbbing unending Pain. She now understood clearly why the coldness was there: it was the only thing that could contain this raging bloody thirsty emotional war.
Her form as it was, was twisted and pulled by these emotions that weren't hers. She didn't belong here, she didn't fit in with the rhythm and the intensity and it would either purge her out or kill her…
Then something shifted.
Ginny wasn't sure if she had changed to accommodate the rhythm or the rhythm had changed to accommodate her, but she was there in the middle of a raging inferno and she belonged.
No sooner had she reached the realization then she was sucked out, blasting through space once again. Sick, dizzy and lost. If it would only stop spinning, stop moving…
And she opened her eyes and found herself, clutching desperately to Draco's shoulders. Normal body functions seemed to return to her slowly. Breathe in and Breathe out. Swallow. Blink. The thumping she could feel in her chest was a heart beat. Her heart beat. This was normal. This was fine except…
"Draco, I can feel you in my head."
Draco stared down at her blankly. Then he raised his gaze to where Harry stood trembling.
"Harry, what the hell did you do to us?" Draco hissed enraged.
Ouch. Pain. Anger. Cold. They all shot through her head making her cringe. As she cringed, he cringed making him even more furious.
"Harry, what is going on? What's wrong with us?" Draco shouted, standing up and unconsciously carrying Ginny with him. Ginny moaned out loud.
"Draco please, please stop. You're hurting me. I'm not used to this yet…"
Draco swallowed feeling his eyes smart. He could feel her like a flame darting around in his mind cutting through the cold. He could feel every blinking throb of her emotions run through him in an uncheck stream, as the years of fine frost control he had built over his own feelings shattered like breaking ice by the act of hers invading him.
It was heaven to feel so completely.
But he knew all too well it must be hell for her to feel him raging in her brain. He was going to kill Harry…
As the surge of anger flashed through him he felt it run through her as well. He fought to control it if only to spare her the pain of the feeling him.
Ginny felt her vision swimming. They were too close, and even though she had never felt so complete feeling his emotions swimming through her head, it hurt her like nothing she had ever felt before.
Harry stared at them both, misery written in every feature. "I must have gotten the spell wrong. I knew I shouldn't have tried… well this is brilliant. I think I must have given you an empathy link. I'll undo it I promise! But I can't now… I have to find the right spell or else I'll make it worse---"
"Will you shut up!" Draco shouted. He was going to continue but Ginny spoke to him instead.
"Draco please, don't shout. It's not you're fault but everything hurts right now. I have to go or I will pass out again… Dear God this hurts! But I'll come back soon. I promise I'll come back."
Draco looked down at her, her face lined with concentration as she tried to control the storm going on in her mind. Nothing seemed to come easy to them.
Ginny jumped at the jolt of Regret, Sorrow and Love that washed over her. Then she laughed. A true genuine peal of laughter that made Harry stop his furious pacing and brought a responding laugh from Draco's mouth at the wonder of feeling Love wash over their minds.
Harry looked at them dubiously. What on earth did they have to laugh about? This situation had gotten completely out of control with huge ramifications and they were laughing!!? But they were caught up in private joke all of their own of which he ---once again--- had no part in.
"Ginny," he said suddenly "We need to get back to Gryfinddor. Ron's out of his mind with worry and the others are going to call Professor McGonagal if we don't show up soon."
Ginny turned to look at him as if she had seen him for the first time. She nodded after a moments consideration, then leaned forward brushing her lips against Draco's and left the room.
As soon as they were out in the hall Ginny felt the weight in her head decrease. It was still there but not enough to make her head throb. Harry watched her closely and saw how she gained her composure with each step. Distance seemed to lessen the intensity of the connection.
Presently she stopped. "Harry, I need to get washed off before I go to the common room, so I'll detour in a few minutes to the bathroom," she said when they were in the Gryffindor part of the castle. "Thank you Harry, for helping Draco find me. Draco's thankful to even though he doesn't know it. I'm sorry I scared everyone… But I'm fine now, much better in fact."
Harry listened to her amazed at how steady her voice sounded. He had no idea her nerves were that strong.
"I'm so sorry I got the spell wrong, Ginny, so very sorry. I promise I'll fix everything…"
Ginny laughed again. "I think you just may have done the right thing this time, Harry. And stop apologizing about things that don't matter. Here we are. I won't be ten minutes, so wait for me okay?"
Harry nodded and leaned against a wall exhausted. Then he chuckled to himself. Sirius, the Tri-wizard tournament, Snape and Voldemort he could deal with. But little Ginny Weasly was giving him an absolute run for his money. She was so much more than she seemed. And when she sat there laughing with Draco he had seen something that scared him more than when he had watched her pale figure convulse on the bed as he cast his spell. They had a world of their own and he had just helped to cement it, with himself on the outside. At that moment he accepted that whatever was to happen to Ginny was above and beyond him. He just prayed that by the end of it she would be alive, safe and happy.
Ten minutes later Ginny stepped out the bathroom a changed girl. Harry recognized some spell casting here and there to cover obvious blemishes, but on the whole a hot shower did wonders for her appearance. He stood up and offered her an arm which she took as they both headed for the common room.
"So what alibi are we creating for this fiasco?" ask Harry lightly. The ambience was easier now than ever before between them and Harry felt it keenly.
"The truth would be the best route," answered Ginny. "After a horrible day I was caught off guard by a boggart and instead of listening to Snape's relentless taunts, I left, got lost and fell asleep until you found me. Simple."
Harry nodded slowly; it did make sense. But something still bothered him.
"Ginny, what DID happen?" he asked.
She stared straight ahead unblinkingly and answered, "What I just said. I wish it was more dramatic but it isn't. I just got caught off guard and over reacted. It's been a long day Harry. Such a long day…"
As her voice trailed off Harry watched her face change in the dim light of the halls. A collage of emotions played across her face in the shifty luminosity and for the thousandth time he wondered what she was thinking. What had his miss-matched spell done to her mind?
When they entered the common room the students who had waited up to see what had happened to Ginny assaulted them both in an overwhelming crowd. Harry took hold of the anxious Gryffindors while Ginny was swept away by her frantic brother.
Ron hugged her, shook her then hugged her again. "Where were you, you little fool!?? I was so scared! What would I have told Charlie? Or Mum? I ought to KILL YOU! You're alright aren't you?"
This came out in one rush as Ron held her in a breathless embrace. Hermione was the one to pry him off, taking Ginny to sit down and explain what had happen. Ginny told her tale with as little drama and emotion as possible. Ron was soon satisfied that she was safe and that he was safe from any irresponsible wrath or so he let on and after she had told her narrative in sufficient detail and played up how exhausted she was they released her to her dorm.
Ginny fled them feeling warm, exhausted and giddy. She had never been so terrified as she had been that afternoon, but none of it matter nearly so much as the presence she felt like an ocean breaking against sea rocks in the depth of her soul. Even under the covers of her bed safe in the dorm room she could feel Draco's emotions swirling inside her mind. They were incredibly brutal and they clashed with everything she had felt before, yet they fit with and completed every emotion she had ever held inside. When she had been in his room the power had been so intense she couldn't separate what she felt from him. At this distance it was clearer and better adapted. With an intoxicated smile she let his emotions roll over her like a multi-colored sea. So much anger. So much hurt. Pain tainted everything he felt, even love. But Love was there. It was rich and tangible and it balanced everything, even the ice shattering cold. Ginny closed her eyes and just felt. Because nothing had ever felt this good.
After Hermione had left him to go to bed as well Ron stayed awake pacing the Gryffindor common room. He didn't know what was bothering him. Ginny was back safe. Harry was being less of a git over her and everything seemed to be going fine. So why was he so disgruntled? Ginny… something about her wouldn't leave him alone. His little sister was always his little sister. Nothing bad could happen to her. But today when she had disappeared a real fear that something awful was going to happen had gripped him. Over-protectiveness? Maybe. But when she had come back he looked her over and it was like he had seen her for the first time. She was too thin, but that wasn't the problem so much as she had a strained look to her that had not been there before. There was something in her eyes he didn't recall seeing… and nothing explained those scars on her arm. The thought of Persephone being the cause was ridiculous. But what then? And Why did she lie? It bothered him to no end, but he didn't know what to do. Exhausted finally, he went wearily up to his room. He would have to watch his little sister carefully.
For a week Ginny was forced to avoid Draco at every possible turn. There were times when she wanted to be with him but as soon as she got close to him her head throbbed so intensely that she had to run in the opposite direction to keep from passing out. Harry told her the spell would wear thinner with time, but he didn't know how long and he wouldn't risk a counter spell on them until he was sure he knew what he was doing. It didn't matter to her, she WANTED to feel Draco in her mind, she just wished it didn't hurt so much. But she was learning that love and pain seemed to be intertwined; one did not come without the other. Even so as the days passed she taught herself carefully how to modify what she felt. Slowly she built mental blocks that soften the assault of Draco's persona on her mind. Each day she could get a little closer to him without her head splitting in two. And then one day she felt a complete mental shift occur in her mind and she knew she was ready to see him.
Draco lounged carelessly in the Slytherin common room, focusing on the flame burning in his head. Every where Ginny's persona touched she left a sort of lingering warmth that was completely alien to him. He grabbed on to it in his mind and let it course through him. He knew guiltily what she must be going through to have him in her mind. The cold and the anger and the pain. But he wouldn't relinquish his piece of her mind, not even to spare her his… she was like a drug. Ginny was something he never thought he would have again. She was hope.
But right now he could feel the link between them shifting; dimming and strengthening in tides. He smiled to himself as he rose to leave the room. She would come looking for him soon. Good. He had missed her terribly.
When she got to his room he was already sprawled on the bed waiting for her. He sat up when she came in and looked her over. She looked back at him unfocused for a moment trying to contain all of his emotions and hers. Suddenly she smiled.
"Nice to see you."
He still looked at her carefully, "Is it better now? Your head I mean… can you be this close and not get sick?"
"I'm fine," she answered.
For a moment they were silent and just looked at each other wondering what to say. What could you say to someone who you could feel in your mind? It was Ginny who broke the silence first.
"What happened last Tuesday? You were so upset I could feel it all the way in my room like a double edge razor."
Draco grimaced. "Letter from Father. Threats, back-lash, 'you worthless disgrace to wizarding kind…' the usual."
Ginny sat down next to him, titling her head towards him. "What does he want from you? To start a lynch mob in the school under Dumbledore's nose?"
Draco laughed bitterly. "Actually that idea would probably have a great appeal to him. I don't know what he wants. Some sort of assurance that when school ends I'll join him." His eyes darkened "He can do whatever he wants I won't give him the satisfaction of cowering."
"Will he leave you alone?" asked Ginny concerned.
"For awhile," answered Draco. "I wrote him a long letter demanding that Trelawney get sacked. That should please him well enough."
Ginny stiffened. "Will he listen to you?"
Draco's eyebrows perked. "Of course he will. She'll be gone in a week."
Ginny didn't say anything but her silence couldn't hide her feelings. Draco leaned back carefully, gathering his coolness over him like a protective cape. "It bothers you when I do things like that doesn't it," he said after a time.
"Of course it does. It's cruel to make someone lose their job, just because you don't like them."
"She's a useless fraud."
"I know that."
"But you're still upset."
"Yeah..."
"I don't understand you," he muttered.
"Yes you do," she answered gently. "You know that when you lash out at people I cringe. But I accept it because I accept you and I can't accept you in pieces."
He hated her then for her for being logical and calm. He loved her for loving him in spite of his hatred. And he could feel her in his mind, gentle and patient like she always was when she was around him and her calmness frustrated him to rage.
"Why are you angry at me?" she asked suddenly.
"Because you confuse everything. I have all the rules worked out in proportion in my mind and everything fits. I'm miserable but everything fits. Then you come it all shatters, because you don't fit, but you're the only thing that matters."
She started at his abrupt admission; she hadn't expected to hear that. "Do you realize what you just said?" she asked quietly.
His eyes narrowed dangerously. "I know. See what you make me do…"
Ginny leaned forward and for a moment he thought she might kiss him again, but she didn't. She just looked at him deeply in the eyes and said, "How about if we let go of how it should be in your world and how it should be in mine, and just BE while we're here. Right here and right now we don't have to answer to anyone else but ourselves."
Draco's jaw tightened dangerously at first, but she would not back down and she had that smile on her face that he couldn't resist. Out of the blue he chuckled to himself. "You are very dangerous," he said seriously.
"So are you. That's a place to start."
It was easy after that. She could needle him into a blaring rage and then cool him down with word. He fought hard against her assault to make him happy and forget what would happen once that went back to their respective realms, but it was hard. He knew that the fantasy world they indulged in would end as soon as they were apart. Once she left he was still head of the Slytherin helm, captain of the tyrants and son to the most lecherous man in the wizarding world. He would have to make a choice at the end of the year whether or not to join his father and the easy and safe choice was to follow the man whether he believed in the cause or not. Letting one snippet of a girl trip through his mind and meddle in his feelings was not only pointless but dangerous. But every time he wanted to tell her to go away and leave him alone something in him fought against his own will and he ended up chasing behind her.
She blossomed like fire in the days that followed. Draco had thought he had known her before, but now he realized he had only seen a shadow of her true character. Unrestrained in the freedom of feeling, he was startled at how vivacious Ginny was. She would appear out of nowhere with some daring challenge to accomplish and drag him along in spite of himself. She loved the Forbidden forest at all hours, she didn't seem to be afraid of anything it could throw at her. She would bring him to places where wood sprites and tiny elves lived introducing him into a magic world he had completely ignored. This Ginny was always up some tree trying to reach an unattainable fruit without a care as to tears thorns or brambles, showing him how real and alive she was being finally able to shrug off the monotony of repressive unhappiness. He wondered sometimes as he watched her how anyone could NOT be in love with her. What was wrong with those Gryffindors? So she wasn't beautiful… but still. He realized then he was seeing a side of her few saw and couldn't help grinning… he was the luckiest person in the world.
It was like that for many dizzy weeks. Time was irrelevant, as were the thoughts and opinions of other people. It was a time for discovering one another inside out. Ginny learned so much in that time. She finally understood why Draco didn't touch her. It had bothered her a little at first. She had seen plenty of couples and she clearly remembered Ron when he had first officially started dating Hermione; he couldn't keep his hands off her. She had long since accepted that she and Draco were nothing close to a normal couple of school kids dating, but she wondered why he avoided touching her. Now she knew that it was his way of controlling the state he found himself in with her. He needed to feel like he had some control over his emotions or else the whole situation would overwhelm him.
There was the hate as well. It frightened her sometimes how much he hated everything… even her sometimes. Ginny had never really seen how far the mental damage that his life had done him extended, she had somehow assumed that since he had stopped cutting he had gained control over the all the pain, fear and anger that propelled that sort of self destructive masochism. She was wrong. In lashing out at other people he had channeled one form of hatred to another. They were interchangeable feelings. Nothing was resolved. He had no peace and no sanctuary.
Except with her.
Because he did love her.
That was something Ginny couldn't quite get a complete hold on. It balanced every other ugly feeling that ran through her head. She had never been loved before, at least not to her knowledge. It changed everything. On those horrible horrible days when cutting seemed like the only way out Draco could feel her struggle and he dosed her with a wash of love that flooded her whole system. There was no guessing as to when one of them needed the other… the could feel and they knew. When they were together they didn't need to talk, things were understood without words messing up the meanings.
But then there was the down side. As time went on Ginny could feel something growing inside Draco that was bitter, cold and ugly. At first it just mingled with the other emotions and she ignored at is some sort of irritation with the way he lived. But later it got bigger and bigger until it was no longer a passing emotion but a malignant tumor.
It was like growing despair.
She asked him about it one day when they were out after dark on the grounds. The air was finally warming up and the grounds betrayed the coming of spring even in the dim moonlight. She was sitting on the grass breathing heavily from the aftermath of her play with nocturnal pixies. The show had entertained him for awhile, but that feeling that had been growing crept up on him and she just couldn't ignore it any longer.
"Just tell me what's going on, Draco. I can feel it but I don't understand. Has your father written you again?"
Draco laid back in the grass and avoided her eyes letting his breath out in one rush. He wished he could pretend like he didn't know what she meant but he did all too clearly.
"He writes…" Draco answered, indicating his father. "I ignore him, most of time. But it's not that. People are talking again, saying something is going to happen."
Ginny froze. "Another up rising? This soon? That's impossible!"
But Draco shook his head in the negative. "Not an uprising… it IS too soon. But some followers are nervous after the last failure and they want their strength doubled quickly. Some Slytherins are saying they may have to leave before the end of the year and join the Death Eaters. And it's not just Slytherins. I've heard rumors from the Ravenclaws and even some of your precious Gryffindor followers. They're calling people in to strengthen reserves…"
Ginny felt her throat constrict; she knew what was coming next before Draco even said.
"It's one thing Ginny, to avoid answering Father when he writes his stupid letters, but I thought I had time to disappear after school ended. If he tries to put a claim on me before the year is over… I won't have a way out."
"You can't join them," she said not bothering to try and hide the panic in her voice. "You can't. They'll kill you inside out mercilessly if you do. They'll---"
"I'm not condemned yet," he interrupted. "It is all rumors up until now. It may be just a scare to keep us 'inheritors of the realm' on our toes. Don't think about now. Tell me something entertaining while we still have time."
She knew he meant while they still had time before it became too dangerous to be out upon the grounds with Filch prowling about, but in her mind the words seemed to echo like distant warning, telling her that her little bit of happiness was running on a clock and time was slipping like grains of sand through the waist of an hourglass… sure to run out sooner or later.
Ron Weasly was getting nervous. The more he looked into the case of his sister the more uneasy he became. It had started with Colin. He had asked the skinny photographer if he had noticed anything different about Ginny lately. Colin didn't know, except that she seemed to keep to herself a lot. He said she seemed a little down, but he really didn't know. Then he added, 'But Ron, tell her a decent bug repelling charm, she always itching in class from the mosquitoes.' Ron had ignored the comment until he too noticed Ginny scratching her arms one day. He asked her about the bug bites, but she refused to let him see her arms. The situation was completely normal, but why on earth she would refuse him something like that made no sense to him. He wanted to ask Hermione's opinion but somehow he couldn't pull the guts to admit he was worried about Ginny… the past few weeks had shown him how little he really knew about her.
Things really frightened him later on. He was looking in a picture album for a photograph of himself and Hermione he wanted to have especially framed for their anniversary, when he saw an old picture of Ginny at the Burrow, spinning in a great field, full of incurable laughter. Every once in a while the picture would fall over in a great gasp of laughter, eyes sparkling with such exuberance in her face that he had to laugh and it suddenly dawned on him… how long had it been since he had seen that look on her face?
He started looking for pictures of her, recent ones. There weren't that many… it seemed she had been avoiding the camera lately, but the ones he did find had none of the Ginnyish quality that he had known in her. The more recent the photos the more distant and vague she looked. What had happened to his Ginny Winny?
'I've been a hopeless brother,' he thought as he stared at a picture of her sitting on the outskirts of family photo staring somewhere off in the distance. 'Something's wrong and it's not PMS or any blood short term thing and I don't have clue as to how I can get her to open up to me.' He sighed. 'I hoped Harry is taking care of her. I hope she's alright.'
Okay:
To those who like a little fluff, enjoy this chapter. That's about as fluffy as this is going to get. To those who like the angst, don't worry, next chapter I'll be back up to mark. To those who feel like they'd rather die than read another chapter as gory as Chp. 4 don't worry, next one isn't that bad.
Climax is next chapter, and then I should finish this story in a couple of chapters. We're almost done here folks.
To anonymous and =( and anyone else who really wants to talk to me:
I would love to email all of you, but it's not allowed in my family. I did email someone once… I was caught and the ramifications were disastrous. The sad thing is I really have so much I'd like to share with you all, that's I'm really disappointed I can't correspond. Please to anyone, who asks me to email them, if I don't email, it's not because I don't want to, but because I really can't for fear of getting in serious trouble.
To =(
About your friend… I don't know what advice to give you in regards to his/her cutting. People react to cutting differently. Some people WANT their friends to know, they need someone to be there for them. Other's feel cutting is very private. I can say feel your friend out emotionally, before you act. DO NOT telling any sort of authority, that ALWAYS back fires. If you do decide to confront her/him, just try and being understanding, don't ever talk about them quitting and see if you can get her/him to admit the reasons why the feel self-abuse is necessary. Hope I helped
Violet Jersey: thanks for the theme song, I downloaded it. It's cool!
Darker child: I'm so sorry to hear you're down… I have to battle with that so much… Don't ever let other people get you down, which is me being totally hypocritical because half the time I cut it's either self-disgust or because of other peoples' disgust in me. I can tell you that no matter what society thinks, cutting is a better solution to depression than drinking or drugs. I'm a med student, so I can have some authority there. But whatever happens, YOU take care of yourself, for YOU and if that's too hard, do it for me, which sounds lame, but I take your reviews very much to heart. You sound so much like me sometimes… we would have been great friends. As for friends not writing, that's THE STORY of my life. Well I'll always write you up in my chapters okay? Take care
Ann H Lin:
Sorry you think this story is too angsty… but I have to deal some serious issues. I do assure you that you've gotten passed the worse and that it's lighter from now on. And almost over. No more that three chapters to go.
Riverwinde: this chapter probably has some mistakes in it. I'm in such a hurry to up load I'm sure I haven't edited properly. Sorry
LilyAyl: You are dead on about self hatred. It's all coming to head son… just wait and see. ('pull a Harry'? that is so cute!)
TO EVERYONE: Check out Black Dragon's section on fanfic, she's an excellent writer and very undiscovered. (Megan, you take care and be happy, okay?)
SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!
NOTES TO MY REVIEWERS AT THE BOTTOM.
Okay this chapter is going to be lighter than the last. It has to be. I can't write another chapter that dark again. Oh yes, something I meant to mention. The idea of Ginny meeting a boggart has been used before… I believe there is a story called 'Ginny and the Boggart'. In that story, the boggart became a version of Harry who didn't love her. As in Harry's rejection was her worst fear. The story I thought was very sweet, if you're a Harry/Ginny shipper, but I couldn't see that as being Ginny's truest fear. Somehow fearing herself seemed more sound.
Yeah and I'm sooooo sorry for how dark the last chapter was. This one borders on fluffy, so please hang in there everyone. Notes to my reviewers at the bottom.
I'm a waste of a momma's boy
It's a shame they say there's so much
you know you'll never enjoy
All the love we come to destroy
There's a moment lost in time
When she says 'Hush,
I'm on your side
It's just the two of us
You know that I….
You know I'll never say goodbye'
(Angie Aparo: Hush)
Harry stood outside the Slytherin common room door.
"What the Hell am I doing here?" he thought dubiously.
He almost turned around to head back to his own common room but he stopped. The fact was that no matter how much he truly hated Draco Malfoy he couldn't deny that his worst enemy was the only one who could help him now. Ginny was missing. She had not returned after her disappearance during Potions and no one knew where she was. Ron was frantic, searching the grounds, repeating over and over again that he had to find her and no one could tell them anything except that they had heard her scream, Snape had left to get her but returned without her and more vicious than ever.
He had searched in the owlery tower and in the halls, but he knew that he didn't have a clue as to where she really was. So he had stood outside the Slytherin portrait for the better of fifteen minutes trying to think of an excuse to call for Draco Malfoy.
Finally he knocked. The portrait of a sharp faced lord looked down on him coldly as he banged against the picture. Finally the portrait swung open revealing a rather pretty girl with a confused look on her face. She jumped when she saw herself looking at none other than the famous Harry Potter.
"What are YOU doing here," she asked aghast.
Harry felt incredibly stupid, but he covered it up with an angry expression and said in as rough a voice as he could muster in such short notice, "I want to speak to that git Malfoy! And he knows damn well what it's about!"
The girl automatically assumed that this school hero had some sort of fight going on with the champion of the Slytherin house (it wouldn't be the first time). Turning around she told him to wait and that she would bring Draco. A few minutes later Malfoy was at the door his face drawn up tightly and still wearing his Quidditch jersey. He took one look at Harry and said, "So come to finish things have you? I can't wait to grind your face into the bloody floor."
Harry was grateful that Draco had picked up his hint. Forcing anger into his voice he said, "Well are you coming? Or are you just going to stand there in the happy protection of your lousy cronies?"
Draco threw out his most vile, bitter laugh and said in a dead cold voice, "Harry, you're a dead man."
Just for minute Harry wasn't sure that Draco wasn't really serious. Muttering a few words to the Slytherins he walked out with all the aura of someone ready to have the fight of their life.
They had barely gotten out of earshot of the Slytherins when Draco suddenly yank Harry aside and slammed him up against the wall.
"Ok, Potter what the Fuck is going on? Do you have some kind of death wish? Because if so then by Sauron's Ring I don't mind fulfilling it!"
Harry wrenched himself free of Draco's grasp. "Malfoy I don't have time for this. Something's happened to Ginny. She was in Potions when Snape sent her to the cellar to get some ingredient or other. Some time later the class heard her scream. Snape went down to see what had happened, but he came back fuming without her and nobody's seen her since. I've looked everywhere I can think of… and Ron's scoured the grounds. You have got to help me find her!!" At the end of the tirade Harry sounded almost desperate.
"I don't HAVE to help you with anything," Draco muttered. Harry stared at him as if he hadn't heard correctly. The look he gave him made Draco want to break his jaw. Without bothering to explain himself he began to head towards his own room leaving Harry to choose whether or not he wanted to follow.
Muttering a spell the door swung open revealing the empty room. Harry stared inside blankly. "She's not in here," he said apprehensively.
"I can see that you stupid git!" snarled Draco.
Harry was already pacing around. "Well if she's not here than we have to go look somewhere else…. We can't just wait around here for her to show up again!"
"Will you SHUT UP! Why in Sauron's name am I stuck baby-sitting you? Of all the worthless, hopeless dicks on the planet…"
"Do you know how to do ANYTHING else except insult people! I'm trying to help Ginny here!"
"I'll bet… just like you helped Cedric. To the grave."
Harry spun around furious and made an ill timed swing at Draco's sneering face. Three seconds later the two of them were on the ground with every intention of breaking as many bones in the other as possible. Having just bloodied Harry's nose, Draco release his grip on Harry's throat to make a cheerful swing at his stomach.
Big mistake.
Harry rolled, grabbed his wrist, crushed his tendons and flipped him on his back. Aiming to break Draco's jaw Harry raised his fist… and then stopped. He stood up suddenly shouting, "We have GOT to stop this! I hate you, you hate me, we BOTH want to find Ginny so we're going to have to work together. Just get up and fucking help me!"
Draco felt such and incredible disgust in his throat he thought he would vomit. Why the hell did Harry have to be so damn noble? He could push it, he thought, Harry was already tense and if he wanted he could push this shining example of a perfect bastard into pure rage. What a wonderful feeling to know he could push every button Harry had. He already had him swearing. But Harry was of course right. Ginny was gone and that was more important then the incredible urge to permanently rearrange Harry's face. Rolling over and pulling himself up he buried his head in his hands muttering, "Tell me what happened again during her class so we can figure out what was bloody going on anyways."
Harry wiped his messy nose, touching his purple eye gently. "All I got out of the students was that she was sent to get something from Snape's cellar. She was gone a few minutes and then they heard her scream. Snape went to give a look in on her and came back alone and angry. That's all I know, for all the good it does."
Draco massaged his aching side and thought for a moment. "Something frightened her badly. Course she was tense today… I saw her during lunch and she looked bad, but Ginny's not a screamer by nature, she's more that type to get frozen when she's frightened, so whatever she saw must have been intense… like her worst fear..."
Harry's eyes narrowed. "Worst fear? You think it was a boggart?"
Draco nodded. "That's the only thing that makes sense. Considering she wouldn't be expecting it either… that can terrify a person." He thought involuntarily to the first time he had faced a boggart and seen his murderous father towering above him ready to kill. It was not something he had ever wanted to repeat. He wonder what Ginny had seen… and felt that horrible feeling in his gut. The fear and worry you feel when someone you love is hurt. Of all the disgusting weak side affects of loving Ginny that was the worst.
Talking suddenly to hide his discomfort he said, "If she had wanted comfort she would have come here and waited. She doesn't want to be found."
Harry swallowed. "That's… that's bad isn't it?"
The open concern in Harry's voice made Draco furious again. In a voice dripping in sarcasm he ground out "Well give the boy a metal, gentlemen, he's managed to come to an unusually brilliant conclusion!"
What right did Harry have to be concerned he thought angrily. He didn't love her. He didn't lay awake at night in misery just thinking about her smile or what she had said, even in passing, or that incredible sadness that always swam around in her eyes even when she smiled. He didn't understand that gut wrenching feeling of seeing her trace her fingers over still bleeding cuts with an inhuman tenderness. He didn't know anything.
"Can you stop being an asshole!" hissed Harry. "For the last bloody time, can we please try and -"
"If she doesn't want to be found she's going to go a place she doesn't know so that people won't suspect her of being there." Draco interrupted. He didn't want to listen to anymore of Harry's righteousness. "If she was really upset then her first priority would be to get away from everyone and then to get to a place where she could cut as fast as possible. She's probably still near the dungeons. It's a foreign area for her and no one would think to look so close to the dankness of that place. Give the chance of the halls shifting… "
"Is there some room or some area where she would go or be shifted to? Some Slytherin hideout that the rest of us don't know about?"
Draco raised an eyebrow. "There are some caverns… no that's not right, they're more like attics… past the that statue hallway towards the west end."
He hadn't even finished saying the words before the two of them were already moving down the halls.
The way to get around in Hogwarts is not to think about where you were going but feel forward and let the way find itself. They ignored the eerie hallway of staring statues saluting the wizarding worlds dead and passed to the halls that Draco spoke of. When they reached the rows of random doors Harry felt his stomach drop. They still had a lot of searching to do. Unlocking spells were muttered as they split up to search down the uneven rows of doors. As with everything in the castle, there was no arrangement and no system to the doorways, they went up down and spiraled into nowhere but both of them disregarded that fact… at this point finding Ginny was the only priority.
Harry wasn't sure when it happened exactly but as he was coming down a stair case to the landing where they had begun searching it occurred to him that he hadn't heard Draco's voice calling for Ginny for a time. Looking around he found an open door hidden behind a winding staircase and entered calling, "Malfoy? Are you in there?"
As Harry entered the first thing he noticed was that the room was lit with the unnatural light of a 'luminous' charm. Weaving in between the crates, trunks and broken statues he made his way inside… and found Draco kneeling down on the ground next the still figure of Ginny Weasly. He had barely taken in the expression of utter shock on Draco's face before he got a good look at her. What he saw made his knees weak and his stomach turn.
She was laying utterly still in the midst of a pile of broken glass encrusted in what was obviously dried blood. Her robes were torn and clearly showing across her exposed chest were the red swollen words, 'I hate you'. Harry felt sick and dizzy. This hadn't happened, it wasn't happening…
Draco's voice startled him. "Why?" he whispered in a voice so soft and sad that Harry wasn't sure it was him at first. "Why hate yourself, Ginny? How could you hate yourself?"
Harry finally managed to gasp out, "I-I-I-s she-oh dear god--- is she--- she-"
Draco snapped out of wherever his mind had been. "She's unconscious, you stuttering dolt. Quit gaping like star-struck Satyr and help me get her to my room."
Harry's mind focused again and he said, "Are you mad? We have to get her to the infirmary. She needs help…."
"No," said Draco firmly "Nobody else is ever going to see her like this."
"For the love of Merlin, enough is enough! She's out cold due to blood loss and you're worried about whether someone finds out about her cutting? Get your priorities straight!"
"She's not out because of blood loss. You have to loose a LOT of blood to pass out. It's more likely stress. I'm not asking your opinion in this Potter. You either help me take her to my room, or I put a memory charm on you, knock you out and leave you here till I feel like finding you. Make a choice." To better convince Harry of his seriousness he gripped his wand and raise his hands dangerously.
Harry wanted desperately to just take out his wand and put Draco to the test, but Ginny's cold figure on the ground forced him to put his personal feelings aside. "Well come on then," he muttered. "You carry her, I'll scan the halls."
Moments later they were off. Draco felt the lightness of her body in his arms as he hurried her to his room. For a moment he considered taking her to the infirmary. What if she had hurt herself and something happened? But she was still breathing, though shallowly and her pulse was steady even though it was faint. He pushed his doubts aside and followed Harry to his room.
When they reached their destination Draco laid her gently on the bed and began to fish out the pieces of broken glass from her hair. Harry stood over him pacing nervously.
"Okay, she's here. Now what do we do? Do we just wait around and let her come to?"
Draco rolled his eyes and kept a cold face, but he couldn't stop the slivers of doubt from building up inside. "We have no idea how long that will be. You can't just carry her back to the Gryffindor house unconscious and not expect any to notice!!! We should wake her up. I don't have smelling salts or anything in here though. Is there a spell we can use?"
"How should I know!?" shouted Harry "This is YOUR mess Malfoy, you figure out how to fix it!"
"Harry, YOU'RE supposed to be the great wizard! Surely there's some spell you can use…"
"We use potions for unconsciousness, not spells. And neither of us has access to anything useful…This is so stupid; two able wizards and we can't even revive a girl."
"Can you do a mind probe on her? Sort of nudge her out of it?"
Harry raised his wand, ready to take Draco's advice. But after a few incantations he gave up.
"Draco, this is serious," Harry muttered nervously "She's not just passed out, it's like I can't reach her. Like she's hiding in her mind."
Draco began raking his hands through his hair nervously, every moment more afraid that he had made the wrong choice and that she DID need to be in the Infirmary. "Can't you use something stronger?" he asked dubious
Harry thought for a moment then said, "Wait. There is something…but no, I'd better not play around with it."
Draco's attention was perked. "What are you talking about?"
Harry began biting his nails. "There's something Hermione did a special on a few weeks ago… They're mind bridging spells. They can form temporary links between wizards; empathy, telepathy… but there very difficult to do."
"What would it help anyways? I want her to wake up, not read her mind!"
"No… it works differently. There was one they use for bringing people out of comas. A part of your mind melds with the other persons and you somehow bring them out of it… Never mind. It's a bad idea."
Draco looked from Ginny to Harry in rapid succession.
"Do it."
Harry jumped. "No way. I'm not playing around with something that risky. If I get it wrong…"
"Do it Harry. I'll figure out something. She has to wake up, Harry, before we get caught and this whole mess blows up in our faces. Are you going to wait for something to happen to her, or for those idiot Gryffindors to call a professor?"
Harry wasn't sure why he gave in. Perhaps it was because he couldn't stand the sight of Ginny like that, so cold and pale. Maybe it was because he had never seen Draco in so human a form and it weakened his defenses. But in the end he was there, arms raised, trying to remember the words and the wand movement, trying to focus…
Something was bound to go wrong.
Ginny felt herself coil deeper in the darkness that had settled all around her. It was quiet here and comfortable and she was safe from the mess that lay around her outside.
This was safe.
This was---
Suddenly she felt herself wrenched forward and shooting through space, time and reality so quickly the colors turned into streams of light and dark. She felt sick and dizzy and so completely out of control that she wanted to scream, but she didn't know how to.
Almost before it had begun it was over she felt her consciousness falling head first in to an abyss.
She wasn't sure what happened, but it was as if she had slowed in her fall and she was now semi-floating in a sea of ice. It was so cold! Her body--- but then she realized she didn't have a body. She felt a surge of panic sweep through her as she realized she was not physically present---where ever she was. She was there in some metaphysical sense, like a flame in the dark. But she was not impregnable to sensation and all she felt was cold. Penetrating soul raking cold. It ate through her from every direction, numbing her to any sensation beyond it's iciness.
'I can't live through this,' she thought desperately, pain, darkness even death was better than this.
Just when she thought she couldn't possibly take a moment longer in the frozen hell her conscious mind was drifting through, she came to some sort of barrier.
A barrier meant there was something on the other side….something other than this deadly cold.
She pushed forward trying to direct herself passed the liquid ice around her. As she pushed the barrier is seemed to mold around her, like steel becoming jelly and with out warning she was through.
Out of the freezer into the fire.
The emotions assaulted her in one merciless tidal wave. Nothing was solid. Everything was emotion. Fear, Anger, Lust, Love, Pity, Hate, Sadness crashed around her with no control or order, utterly unrefined and brutal. And everything seemed to rock to an unfathomable rhythm held by throbbing unending Pain. She now understood clearly why the coldness was there: it was the only thing that could contain this raging bloody thirsty emotional war.
Her form as it was, was twisted and pulled by these emotions that weren't hers. She didn't belong here, she didn't fit in with the rhythm and the intensity and it would either purge her out or kill her…
Then something shifted.
Ginny wasn't sure if she had changed to accommodate the rhythm or the rhythm had changed to accommodate her, but she was there in the middle of a raging inferno and she belonged.
No sooner had she reached the realization then she was sucked out, blasting through space once again. Sick, dizzy and lost. If it would only stop spinning, stop moving…
And she opened her eyes and found herself, clutching desperately to Draco's shoulders. Normal body functions seemed to return to her slowly. Breathe in and Breathe out. Swallow. Blink. The thumping she could feel in her chest was a heart beat. Her heart beat. This was normal. This was fine except…
"Draco, I can feel you in my head."
Draco stared down at her blankly. Then he raised his gaze to where Harry stood trembling.
"Harry, what the hell did you do to us?" Draco hissed enraged.
Ouch. Pain. Anger. Cold. They all shot through her head making her cringe. As she cringed, he cringed making him even more furious.
"Harry, what is going on? What's wrong with us?" Draco shouted, standing up and unconsciously carrying Ginny with him. Ginny moaned out loud.
"Draco please, please stop. You're hurting me. I'm not used to this yet…"
Draco swallowed feeling his eyes smart. He could feel her like a flame darting around in his mind cutting through the cold. He could feel every blinking throb of her emotions run through him in an uncheck stream, as the years of fine frost control he had built over his own feelings shattered like breaking ice by the act of hers invading him.
It was heaven to feel so completely.
But he knew all too well it must be hell for her to feel him raging in her brain. He was going to kill Harry…
As the surge of anger flashed through him he felt it run through her as well. He fought to control it if only to spare her the pain of the feeling him.
Ginny felt her vision swimming. They were too close, and even though she had never felt so complete feeling his emotions swimming through her head, it hurt her like nothing she had ever felt before.
Harry stared at them both, misery written in every feature. "I must have gotten the spell wrong. I knew I shouldn't have tried… well this is brilliant. I think I must have given you an empathy link. I'll undo it I promise! But I can't now… I have to find the right spell or else I'll make it worse---"
"Will you shut up!" Draco shouted. He was going to continue but Ginny spoke to him instead.
"Draco please, don't shout. It's not you're fault but everything hurts right now. I have to go or I will pass out again… Dear God this hurts! But I'll come back soon. I promise I'll come back."
Draco looked down at her, her face lined with concentration as she tried to control the storm going on in her mind. Nothing seemed to come easy to them.
Ginny jumped at the jolt of Regret, Sorrow and Love that washed over her. Then she laughed. A true genuine peal of laughter that made Harry stop his furious pacing and brought a responding laugh from Draco's mouth at the wonder of feeling Love wash over their minds.
Harry looked at them dubiously. What on earth did they have to laugh about? This situation had gotten completely out of control with huge ramifications and they were laughing!!? But they were caught up in private joke all of their own of which he ---once again--- had no part in.
"Ginny," he said suddenly "We need to get back to Gryfinddor. Ron's out of his mind with worry and the others are going to call Professor McGonagal if we don't show up soon."
Ginny turned to look at him as if she had seen him for the first time. She nodded after a moments consideration, then leaned forward brushing her lips against Draco's and left the room.
As soon as they were out in the hall Ginny felt the weight in her head decrease. It was still there but not enough to make her head throb. Harry watched her closely and saw how she gained her composure with each step. Distance seemed to lessen the intensity of the connection.
Presently she stopped. "Harry, I need to get washed off before I go to the common room, so I'll detour in a few minutes to the bathroom," she said when they were in the Gryffindor part of the castle. "Thank you Harry, for helping Draco find me. Draco's thankful to even though he doesn't know it. I'm sorry I scared everyone… But I'm fine now, much better in fact."
Harry listened to her amazed at how steady her voice sounded. He had no idea her nerves were that strong.
"I'm so sorry I got the spell wrong, Ginny, so very sorry. I promise I'll fix everything…"
Ginny laughed again. "I think you just may have done the right thing this time, Harry. And stop apologizing about things that don't matter. Here we are. I won't be ten minutes, so wait for me okay?"
Harry nodded and leaned against a wall exhausted. Then he chuckled to himself. Sirius, the Tri-wizard tournament, Snape and Voldemort he could deal with. But little Ginny Weasly was giving him an absolute run for his money. She was so much more than she seemed. And when she sat there laughing with Draco he had seen something that scared him more than when he had watched her pale figure convulse on the bed as he cast his spell. They had a world of their own and he had just helped to cement it, with himself on the outside. At that moment he accepted that whatever was to happen to Ginny was above and beyond him. He just prayed that by the end of it she would be alive, safe and happy.
Ten minutes later Ginny stepped out the bathroom a changed girl. Harry recognized some spell casting here and there to cover obvious blemishes, but on the whole a hot shower did wonders for her appearance. He stood up and offered her an arm which she took as they both headed for the common room.
"So what alibi are we creating for this fiasco?" ask Harry lightly. The ambience was easier now than ever before between them and Harry felt it keenly.
"The truth would be the best route," answered Ginny. "After a horrible day I was caught off guard by a boggart and instead of listening to Snape's relentless taunts, I left, got lost and fell asleep until you found me. Simple."
Harry nodded slowly; it did make sense. But something still bothered him.
"Ginny, what DID happen?" he asked.
She stared straight ahead unblinkingly and answered, "What I just said. I wish it was more dramatic but it isn't. I just got caught off guard and over reacted. It's been a long day Harry. Such a long day…"
As her voice trailed off Harry watched her face change in the dim light of the halls. A collage of emotions played across her face in the shifty luminosity and for the thousandth time he wondered what she was thinking. What had his miss-matched spell done to her mind?
When they entered the common room the students who had waited up to see what had happened to Ginny assaulted them both in an overwhelming crowd. Harry took hold of the anxious Gryffindors while Ginny was swept away by her frantic brother.
Ron hugged her, shook her then hugged her again. "Where were you, you little fool!?? I was so scared! What would I have told Charlie? Or Mum? I ought to KILL YOU! You're alright aren't you?"
This came out in one rush as Ron held her in a breathless embrace. Hermione was the one to pry him off, taking Ginny to sit down and explain what had happen. Ginny told her tale with as little drama and emotion as possible. Ron was soon satisfied that she was safe and that he was safe from any irresponsible wrath or so he let on and after she had told her narrative in sufficient detail and played up how exhausted she was they released her to her dorm.
Ginny fled them feeling warm, exhausted and giddy. She had never been so terrified as she had been that afternoon, but none of it matter nearly so much as the presence she felt like an ocean breaking against sea rocks in the depth of her soul. Even under the covers of her bed safe in the dorm room she could feel Draco's emotions swirling inside her mind. They were incredibly brutal and they clashed with everything she had felt before, yet they fit with and completed every emotion she had ever held inside. When she had been in his room the power had been so intense she couldn't separate what she felt from him. At this distance it was clearer and better adapted. With an intoxicated smile she let his emotions roll over her like a multi-colored sea. So much anger. So much hurt. Pain tainted everything he felt, even love. But Love was there. It was rich and tangible and it balanced everything, even the ice shattering cold. Ginny closed her eyes and just felt. Because nothing had ever felt this good.
After Hermione had left him to go to bed as well Ron stayed awake pacing the Gryffindor common room. He didn't know what was bothering him. Ginny was back safe. Harry was being less of a git over her and everything seemed to be going fine. So why was he so disgruntled? Ginny… something about her wouldn't leave him alone. His little sister was always his little sister. Nothing bad could happen to her. But today when she had disappeared a real fear that something awful was going to happen had gripped him. Over-protectiveness? Maybe. But when she had come back he looked her over and it was like he had seen her for the first time. She was too thin, but that wasn't the problem so much as she had a strained look to her that had not been there before. There was something in her eyes he didn't recall seeing… and nothing explained those scars on her arm. The thought of Persephone being the cause was ridiculous. But what then? And Why did she lie? It bothered him to no end, but he didn't know what to do. Exhausted finally, he went wearily up to his room. He would have to watch his little sister carefully.
For a week Ginny was forced to avoid Draco at every possible turn. There were times when she wanted to be with him but as soon as she got close to him her head throbbed so intensely that she had to run in the opposite direction to keep from passing out. Harry told her the spell would wear thinner with time, but he didn't know how long and he wouldn't risk a counter spell on them until he was sure he knew what he was doing. It didn't matter to her, she WANTED to feel Draco in her mind, she just wished it didn't hurt so much. But she was learning that love and pain seemed to be intertwined; one did not come without the other. Even so as the days passed she taught herself carefully how to modify what she felt. Slowly she built mental blocks that soften the assault of Draco's persona on her mind. Each day she could get a little closer to him without her head splitting in two. And then one day she felt a complete mental shift occur in her mind and she knew she was ready to see him.
Draco lounged carelessly in the Slytherin common room, focusing on the flame burning in his head. Every where Ginny's persona touched she left a sort of lingering warmth that was completely alien to him. He grabbed on to it in his mind and let it course through him. He knew guiltily what she must be going through to have him in her mind. The cold and the anger and the pain. But he wouldn't relinquish his piece of her mind, not even to spare her his… she was like a drug. Ginny was something he never thought he would have again. She was hope.
But right now he could feel the link between them shifting; dimming and strengthening in tides. He smiled to himself as he rose to leave the room. She would come looking for him soon. Good. He had missed her terribly.
When she got to his room he was already sprawled on the bed waiting for her. He sat up when she came in and looked her over. She looked back at him unfocused for a moment trying to contain all of his emotions and hers. Suddenly she smiled.
"Nice to see you."
He still looked at her carefully, "Is it better now? Your head I mean… can you be this close and not get sick?"
"I'm fine," she answered.
For a moment they were silent and just looked at each other wondering what to say. What could you say to someone who you could feel in your mind? It was Ginny who broke the silence first.
"What happened last Tuesday? You were so upset I could feel it all the way in my room like a double edge razor."
Draco grimaced. "Letter from Father. Threats, back-lash, 'you worthless disgrace to wizarding kind…' the usual."
Ginny sat down next to him, titling her head towards him. "What does he want from you? To start a lynch mob in the school under Dumbledore's nose?"
Draco laughed bitterly. "Actually that idea would probably have a great appeal to him. I don't know what he wants. Some sort of assurance that when school ends I'll join him." His eyes darkened "He can do whatever he wants I won't give him the satisfaction of cowering."
"Will he leave you alone?" asked Ginny concerned.
"For awhile," answered Draco. "I wrote him a long letter demanding that Trelawney get sacked. That should please him well enough."
Ginny stiffened. "Will he listen to you?"
Draco's eyebrows perked. "Of course he will. She'll be gone in a week."
Ginny didn't say anything but her silence couldn't hide her feelings. Draco leaned back carefully, gathering his coolness over him like a protective cape. "It bothers you when I do things like that doesn't it," he said after a time.
"Of course it does. It's cruel to make someone lose their job, just because you don't like them."
"She's a useless fraud."
"I know that."
"But you're still upset."
"Yeah..."
"I don't understand you," he muttered.
"Yes you do," she answered gently. "You know that when you lash out at people I cringe. But I accept it because I accept you and I can't accept you in pieces."
He hated her then for her for being logical and calm. He loved her for loving him in spite of his hatred. And he could feel her in his mind, gentle and patient like she always was when she was around him and her calmness frustrated him to rage.
"Why are you angry at me?" she asked suddenly.
"Because you confuse everything. I have all the rules worked out in proportion in my mind and everything fits. I'm miserable but everything fits. Then you come it all shatters, because you don't fit, but you're the only thing that matters."
She started at his abrupt admission; she hadn't expected to hear that. "Do you realize what you just said?" she asked quietly.
His eyes narrowed dangerously. "I know. See what you make me do…"
Ginny leaned forward and for a moment he thought she might kiss him again, but she didn't. She just looked at him deeply in the eyes and said, "How about if we let go of how it should be in your world and how it should be in mine, and just BE while we're here. Right here and right now we don't have to answer to anyone else but ourselves."
Draco's jaw tightened dangerously at first, but she would not back down and she had that smile on her face that he couldn't resist. Out of the blue he chuckled to himself. "You are very dangerous," he said seriously.
"So are you. That's a place to start."
It was easy after that. She could needle him into a blaring rage and then cool him down with word. He fought hard against her assault to make him happy and forget what would happen once that went back to their respective realms, but it was hard. He knew that the fantasy world they indulged in would end as soon as they were apart. Once she left he was still head of the Slytherin helm, captain of the tyrants and son to the most lecherous man in the wizarding world. He would have to make a choice at the end of the year whether or not to join his father and the easy and safe choice was to follow the man whether he believed in the cause or not. Letting one snippet of a girl trip through his mind and meddle in his feelings was not only pointless but dangerous. But every time he wanted to tell her to go away and leave him alone something in him fought against his own will and he ended up chasing behind her.
She blossomed like fire in the days that followed. Draco had thought he had known her before, but now he realized he had only seen a shadow of her true character. Unrestrained in the freedom of feeling, he was startled at how vivacious Ginny was. She would appear out of nowhere with some daring challenge to accomplish and drag him along in spite of himself. She loved the Forbidden forest at all hours, she didn't seem to be afraid of anything it could throw at her. She would bring him to places where wood sprites and tiny elves lived introducing him into a magic world he had completely ignored. This Ginny was always up some tree trying to reach an unattainable fruit without a care as to tears thorns or brambles, showing him how real and alive she was being finally able to shrug off the monotony of repressive unhappiness. He wondered sometimes as he watched her how anyone could NOT be in love with her. What was wrong with those Gryffindors? So she wasn't beautiful… but still. He realized then he was seeing a side of her few saw and couldn't help grinning… he was the luckiest person in the world.
It was like that for many dizzy weeks. Time was irrelevant, as were the thoughts and opinions of other people. It was a time for discovering one another inside out. Ginny learned so much in that time. She finally understood why Draco didn't touch her. It had bothered her a little at first. She had seen plenty of couples and she clearly remembered Ron when he had first officially started dating Hermione; he couldn't keep his hands off her. She had long since accepted that she and Draco were nothing close to a normal couple of school kids dating, but she wondered why he avoided touching her. Now she knew that it was his way of controlling the state he found himself in with her. He needed to feel like he had some control over his emotions or else the whole situation would overwhelm him.
There was the hate as well. It frightened her sometimes how much he hated everything… even her sometimes. Ginny had never really seen how far the mental damage that his life had done him extended, she had somehow assumed that since he had stopped cutting he had gained control over the all the pain, fear and anger that propelled that sort of self destructive masochism. She was wrong. In lashing out at other people he had channeled one form of hatred to another. They were interchangeable feelings. Nothing was resolved. He had no peace and no sanctuary.
Except with her.
Because he did love her.
That was something Ginny couldn't quite get a complete hold on. It balanced every other ugly feeling that ran through her head. She had never been loved before, at least not to her knowledge. It changed everything. On those horrible horrible days when cutting seemed like the only way out Draco could feel her struggle and he dosed her with a wash of love that flooded her whole system. There was no guessing as to when one of them needed the other… the could feel and they knew. When they were together they didn't need to talk, things were understood without words messing up the meanings.
But then there was the down side. As time went on Ginny could feel something growing inside Draco that was bitter, cold and ugly. At first it just mingled with the other emotions and she ignored at is some sort of irritation with the way he lived. But later it got bigger and bigger until it was no longer a passing emotion but a malignant tumor.
It was like growing despair.
She asked him about it one day when they were out after dark on the grounds. The air was finally warming up and the grounds betrayed the coming of spring even in the dim moonlight. She was sitting on the grass breathing heavily from the aftermath of her play with nocturnal pixies. The show had entertained him for awhile, but that feeling that had been growing crept up on him and she just couldn't ignore it any longer.
"Just tell me what's going on, Draco. I can feel it but I don't understand. Has your father written you again?"
Draco laid back in the grass and avoided her eyes letting his breath out in one rush. He wished he could pretend like he didn't know what she meant but he did all too clearly.
"He writes…" Draco answered, indicating his father. "I ignore him, most of time. But it's not that. People are talking again, saying something is going to happen."
Ginny froze. "Another up rising? This soon? That's impossible!"
But Draco shook his head in the negative. "Not an uprising… it IS too soon. But some followers are nervous after the last failure and they want their strength doubled quickly. Some Slytherins are saying they may have to leave before the end of the year and join the Death Eaters. And it's not just Slytherins. I've heard rumors from the Ravenclaws and even some of your precious Gryffindor followers. They're calling people in to strengthen reserves…"
Ginny felt her throat constrict; she knew what was coming next before Draco even said.
"It's one thing Ginny, to avoid answering Father when he writes his stupid letters, but I thought I had time to disappear after school ended. If he tries to put a claim on me before the year is over… I won't have a way out."
"You can't join them," she said not bothering to try and hide the panic in her voice. "You can't. They'll kill you inside out mercilessly if you do. They'll---"
"I'm not condemned yet," he interrupted. "It is all rumors up until now. It may be just a scare to keep us 'inheritors of the realm' on our toes. Don't think about now. Tell me something entertaining while we still have time."
She knew he meant while they still had time before it became too dangerous to be out upon the grounds with Filch prowling about, but in her mind the words seemed to echo like distant warning, telling her that her little bit of happiness was running on a clock and time was slipping like grains of sand through the waist of an hourglass… sure to run out sooner or later.
Ron Weasly was getting nervous. The more he looked into the case of his sister the more uneasy he became. It had started with Colin. He had asked the skinny photographer if he had noticed anything different about Ginny lately. Colin didn't know, except that she seemed to keep to herself a lot. He said she seemed a little down, but he really didn't know. Then he added, 'But Ron, tell her a decent bug repelling charm, she always itching in class from the mosquitoes.' Ron had ignored the comment until he too noticed Ginny scratching her arms one day. He asked her about the bug bites, but she refused to let him see her arms. The situation was completely normal, but why on earth she would refuse him something like that made no sense to him. He wanted to ask Hermione's opinion but somehow he couldn't pull the guts to admit he was worried about Ginny… the past few weeks had shown him how little he really knew about her.
Things really frightened him later on. He was looking in a picture album for a photograph of himself and Hermione he wanted to have especially framed for their anniversary, when he saw an old picture of Ginny at the Burrow, spinning in a great field, full of incurable laughter. Every once in a while the picture would fall over in a great gasp of laughter, eyes sparkling with such exuberance in her face that he had to laugh and it suddenly dawned on him… how long had it been since he had seen that look on her face?
He started looking for pictures of her, recent ones. There weren't that many… it seemed she had been avoiding the camera lately, but the ones he did find had none of the Ginnyish quality that he had known in her. The more recent the photos the more distant and vague she looked. What had happened to his Ginny Winny?
'I've been a hopeless brother,' he thought as he stared at a picture of her sitting on the outskirts of family photo staring somewhere off in the distance. 'Something's wrong and it's not PMS or any blood short term thing and I don't have clue as to how I can get her to open up to me.' He sighed. 'I hoped Harry is taking care of her. I hope she's alright.'
Okay:
To those who like a little fluff, enjoy this chapter. That's about as fluffy as this is going to get. To those who like the angst, don't worry, next chapter I'll be back up to mark. To those who feel like they'd rather die than read another chapter as gory as Chp. 4 don't worry, next one isn't that bad.
Climax is next chapter, and then I should finish this story in a couple of chapters. We're almost done here folks.
To anonymous and =( and anyone else who really wants to talk to me:
I would love to email all of you, but it's not allowed in my family. I did email someone once… I was caught and the ramifications were disastrous. The sad thing is I really have so much I'd like to share with you all, that's I'm really disappointed I can't correspond. Please to anyone, who asks me to email them, if I don't email, it's not because I don't want to, but because I really can't for fear of getting in serious trouble.
To =(
About your friend… I don't know what advice to give you in regards to his/her cutting. People react to cutting differently. Some people WANT their friends to know, they need someone to be there for them. Other's feel cutting is very private. I can say feel your friend out emotionally, before you act. DO NOT telling any sort of authority, that ALWAYS back fires. If you do decide to confront her/him, just try and being understanding, don't ever talk about them quitting and see if you can get her/him to admit the reasons why the feel self-abuse is necessary. Hope I helped
Violet Jersey: thanks for the theme song, I downloaded it. It's cool!
Darker child: I'm so sorry to hear you're down… I have to battle with that so much… Don't ever let other people get you down, which is me being totally hypocritical because half the time I cut it's either self-disgust or because of other peoples' disgust in me. I can tell you that no matter what society thinks, cutting is a better solution to depression than drinking or drugs. I'm a med student, so I can have some authority there. But whatever happens, YOU take care of yourself, for YOU and if that's too hard, do it for me, which sounds lame, but I take your reviews very much to heart. You sound so much like me sometimes… we would have been great friends. As for friends not writing, that's THE STORY of my life. Well I'll always write you up in my chapters okay? Take care
Ann H Lin:
Sorry you think this story is too angsty… but I have to deal some serious issues. I do assure you that you've gotten passed the worse and that it's lighter from now on. And almost over. No more that three chapters to go.
Riverwinde: this chapter probably has some mistakes in it. I'm in such a hurry to up load I'm sure I haven't edited properly. Sorry
LilyAyl: You are dead on about self hatred. It's all coming to head son… just wait and see. ('pull a Harry'? that is so cute!)
TO EVERYONE: Check out Black Dragon's section on fanfic, she's an excellent writer and very undiscovered. (Megan, you take care and be happy, okay?)
