A/N: Sorry it took so long. I had testing and wasn't feeling too hot.

I want...wanted to be perfect. Not for me so much as my mom. After she and Dad divorced, she was always so sad. I figured that if I was perfect for her, then maybe she would get better. I wasn't and she didn't. Everything I did only made things worse and she got on my ass harder when I screwed up. I guess I gave up on her...and myself too I suppose.

See, for everything good that has happened in my life, at least one thing has gone wrong. Case in point: love my parents, they divorce; black belt, anorexia; skip 8th grade; start high school with Grace; love my mom, tries to kill herself. It's a vicious cycle. The last one was a chain reaction really because I followed her lead. The cycle had to end somehow, didn't it?

"Well, is my daughter going to live or not?" Karen shouted, frustrated. The others looked at the doctor expectantly.

"She is alive, but is in critical condition. Your daughter can still go either way, it's too soon to tell." The doctor was face with blank, tired stares. That really wasn't the kind of answer they were hoping for. It did, however, mean that there was still a chance.

"What does that mean?!" Rick shouted, suddenly agitated.

"Maybe. It means maybe," the doctor sighed before continuing in an tentative manner. "You must understand, she came here in severe condition. All we can do is wait, she had several other things going on when you brought her in," the others gave him questioning looks.

"What do you mean? What things?" Lily asked, totally stumped.

"She hasn't been eating for one. If she hadn't have...done what she did, well...it might've been too late."

"When will you know if she will come out of it?" Karen asked desperately.

"Soon, I hope. She has a very weak pulse, has lost a lot of blood and her body is in a very vulnerable position. She really can go either way. You would be better off going home, try and get some rest." They all knew that they would be better off leaving for the night. The doctor promised to contact them if something happened, good or bad.

I've always tried to be perfect. For a while, it seemed like they were, but somewhere along the way, things went wrong. All these problems started appearing. Not just in me, but around me.

Mom has been depressed a lot. I don't know what kicked it off, but I know I didn't help make it any better. That's the worst. When you know things are bad and you don't do anything. I just watched as my mom was slowly drowning in her life. The person I loved most was in trouble and I stood by and watched. They are better off without me. They just don't know it yet.

By the next morning, they still haven't heard from the doctor. It was best for them to go about their daily routine, or so the doctor had said. So, that's what happened.

"Eli!" Rick shouted towards the garage. "You're going to be late for work if you don't hurry up."

"I don't have work today," he mumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he came up. Rick gave him a questioning look. "I've got Fridays off," Eli responded.

Rick sighed. "I want you to stay home then. In case the doctor calls, okay?" Rick asked. Eli just nodded, defeated because he wanted to go to the hospital. "I'll see you tonight," Rick said. Noticing his son's expression, he pulled him in for a hug. "She'll be okay E."

For his part, Eli wrapped his arms around Rick and said, "I hope so Dad." Rick let go and left.

Afterwards, Lily came into the kitchen with Grace and Zoe behind her. "Morning Eli," she yawned, none of them had gotten any sleep after 3:00 this morning.

He just nodded his head, noting she only said 'morning', not her usual 'good morning'. "School?" He asked the two girls.

"Yeah," Zoe said. They lapsed into silence. She looked at Grace, Lily, then Eli's somber expressions before breaking the silence. "Is Jessie going to be alright?" She cried out, tears in her eyes. Nobody stirred.

"I don't know," Eli admitted with tears of his own. "But I hope so," everyone nodded in agreement.

"Are you giving us a ride today?" Grace asked Eli, hoping to change the subject. He nodded and they walked out. Lily just stood around a minute before heading to work herself.

Karen was sitting at the kitchen, getting ready to go to work. She told her boss she couldn't make it. They asked why and she wouldn't tell them. Her boss said that unless she could give a good reason, she was coming in. Now Karen wasn't embarrassed, but she didn't want it to get around, for Jessie's sake, and she couldn't bring herself to say it. Due to a big case she was working on, she had to come in. She really had no choice.

Katie was worried sitting in her English class. She hadn't seen Jessie all day and since Grace had refrained from giving her dirty looks, she knew something was up. Usually they see each other in the morning and at lunch, but not today. I know she isn't sick, physically, because I saw her just last night and she was fine. Something's wrong.

"Grace," Katie whispered to her. Grace rolled her eyes, not wanting to deal with her.

She turned around anyway. "What?" She hissed.

"Is Jessie sick or something?" Grace had a shocked and sad expression on it. "Grace, is something wrong with her?" She was now panicking. Grace still hadn't answered and Katie knew now that something was wrong. Katie grabbed her stuff and walked right out of the room in the middle of Mr. Dimitri's lesson.

The class was astonished and started to giggle. Grace rested her head on the desk. She wasn't surprised at all. Katie loves her. Of course she's going to track her down. All she could do is sit through the rest of the day and hope for the best.

Katie took a hard right onto Jessie's mother's street. She pulled into the driveway, noticing that Karen wasn't home. Then she went up to the door and started pounding. "Jessie! Jessie! Are you in there?" There was no answer. Duh. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. As the phone rang, she tried looking in the windows to see if Jessie was there.

The answering machine picked up. Katie gave up on Karen's house and decided to try Rick's. There's always someone there. She got back in her car and drove off.

Eli was sitting in the living room, the phone no more than two feet away, in case the doctor called. He suddenly heard intense pounding at the door. Upon looking out the peephole, he saw that it was Katie. The hell? What's she doing here? He looked at the clock. Skipping again I guess. He unlocked the door and let her in.

"Is Jessie here?" Eli was taken aback by her bluntness. She looked at him hopefully. His confused eyes looked back at her. "She wasn't in school today and when I asked Grace, she wouldn't say anything. So, is Jessie okay?" She sputtered out in one breath.

"You don't know," he began, "how not okay she is," he sobbed, tears started to come to his eyes. He led her to the living room and offered her a seat.

"Wha...what do you mean?" All of her confidence went out the window, paving the way for anxiety.

Eli wiped his eyes. "Late last night Jessie..." he choked down a sob. "She tried to kill herself."

"What?" Katie breathed out. "She...Oh my God," she gasped.

The phone chose that moment to ring. Eli reached over a grabbed it. "Hello?...Yes...Okay...I will...We will...Thank you." Katie looked at him expectantly. "Jessie's condition has stabilized, but she's still unconscious." They both smiled. "I have to call Mom and Dad."

Everyone rushed to the hospital from where they were at. Eli picked Grace and Zoe up from their respective schools. Katie had to follow him because she didn't know which hospital it was. Lily, Rick and Karen left work to go there. At about 2:30, they had all arrived. Jessie was still not awake.

I'm actually beginning to rethink this whole 'suicide' thing. A real stupid time to change my mind.

There's a song by Dido called 'Slide'. I keep thinking back to it.

"...It's all right to make mistakes/ You're only human/ Inside everybody's hiding something/ Staring at the same four walls/ Have you tried to help yourself/ The rings around your eyes they don't hide/ That you need to get some rest/...Take time to catch your breath and choose your moment/ Even at a time like this/ When the morning seems so far/ Think that pain belongs to you/ But it's happened to us all/...You brought this on yourself and it's high time you left it there/ Lie her and rest your head and dream of something else instead."

Maybe I'm wrong. I know what I did was stupid, it was the chicken's way out so to speak. But, there was really no choice, things have just gotten so...so...hard. maybe everyone is right, I should stop blaming myself. Maybe I should have left it alone, given everything a chance to heal itself. Great, what a time to second-guess myself. It's too late anyway, isn't it?

It was Karen's turn to sit by her daughter's hospital bed. This has to stop. We both have to stop feeling guilty about...everything. She sat there watching Jessie's peaceful expression. It was the first time she's seen it in a while. Jessie started to move a little, but she didn't wake, to Karen's dismay.

I hope it's not too late. I really do. But, if it is, there are a lot of things I'll miss. Like Eli, sometimes. I'll never forget the way he would try and steal my fries at Burger King and I would smack him before he got the chance. Katie, she's another big one. I'll miss Dad and Mom. I always liked when Dad picked me up on his shoulders and swung me around saying that I was flying. I will never forget how my would wake me up. She would come to the side of my bed and brush my hair out of my face. The she would say-

"Jessie, honey," Karen said gently as Jessie stirred again. Jessie moaned and moved again, towards her. Then her eyes slowly fluttered open. "Jessie?" Karen had tears coming to her eyes.

"Mommy?" Jessie said, tears also welling up. Karen leaned down and the two embraced, both holding on to each other for dear life. I guess it wasn't too late after all. She smiled to herself.

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To Be Continued