On a parallel universe far far away...



COMES THE WONDEROUS ADVENTURES OF


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TULK
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~~~ Episode 1 - A near escape ~~~

## Gate Room ##

* A parallel SG-1 return home after yet another successful mission against impossible odds *

Jack: Hay officer butt-babe! Have you seen Tulk?

Sam: Why no I haven't, I wonder where he could be?

* She puts her finger on her mouth, goes cross eyed and leans forwards slightly *

* Suddenly a crack of lightning flies through the gate; someone switches on a smoke machine and TULK, our hero leaps through the gate with two Jaffa in his hands *

TULK: I will crush you, crush you to gooooooo!!!!

* He slams there heads together and cleanly tosses them over his back *

Janet: *enters and grabs TULK's arm* Oh TULK, I was getting worried. Where have you been?

* Hammond, Mr. Gate Operator and the rest of SG-1 all pull on their ears to listen *

TULK: Sorry about the delay, but I had to save a young forest deer from an out of control WWII Panzer, that had been captured by a colony of Sioux who were transported to that planet during an ancient ritual that went wrong. It seemed they were trying to hurry the course of precipitation but ended up opening a crevice in the ground as they incorrectly pronounced the word "bullocks". They then fell, and as they hit a surface of liquid hot "magma", they were charismatically beamed by a process of inverse algebraic tree diagrams to a planet far from home.

Janet: Well, as long as you're OK deer. Come back to my office later so I can check you are in.... ship-shape condition.

* TULK's eyes light up. Could this be because of an evil presence, or is it because of his excitement for Janet's company. Stay tuned to find out! *