Sam lay in a puddle of agony. The Ham-Hams dragged him outside to take part in the annual Japanese Rodent Fun Time Fighting Competition Match, and Pikachu roundhouse kicked him into submission. He'd been kicked in the stomach so many times that he was starting to feel like Jean Claude Van Damme's wife.

"Ugh, I have to... sit this next one out." he said, crawling off the sparring mat in pain.

Maxwell helped him up, saying, "Here, Hamtaro. Come sit in my car and take a load off for awhile." Sam nodded and climbed into the miniature automobile's backseat. Oxnard watched in horror as Sam closed the door and fell asleep in Max's car.

"No... It can't end like this... I have to save him." Oxnard ran towards the car as Maxwell went around back and kicked it with his foot. The chassis stayed in place, but the frame rocked forward.

"Nooooooooooo!" shouted Oxnard, trying desperately to get through the sea of out-of-work Pokemon extras in the audience.

"Have a pleasant trip to Hell, Shamtaro!" Maxwell snickered, putting his whole body into one final push against the trunk. The car started sliding down the hill, although the tires weren't moving. It was headed straight for the ceremonial Japanese Rodent Fun Time Fighting Competition Match Olympic Torch Shrine Place. Sam woke up and stared at the moving car he was in.


**********


Three years in the past, Hamtaro was caught under the shoe of an angry cook who didn't see him as relations between the mob and management broke down into a bloody fight. He was in incredible pain and couldn't see how the situation could be any worse. Then he remembered what had happened the night before in Old Gluey's house. All of the horrible visions of foul-mouthed longshoremen having their way with him--no wonder he blocked all of it out of memory!

"I wish I was back in my own body!" Hamtaro exclaimed. Three years later, at that very moment, Sam was saying the same thing.

A strange 60s-era transformation took place, and Hamtaro and Sam reverted back to their old bodies.

"Where? Where am I? Chanticleer's office, of course! This is great!" Sam looked around with a renewed sense of happiness. The cook standing on top of him looked down in surprise at the scientist under his feet.

"How could I have missed you all this time?" He called all of the other cooks over, and they soundly thrashed Sam into a paralysis that would both last him his entire life and render him completely sterile.


**********


Meanwhile, Hamtaro looked round just in time to see the car he was in careen down the hill towards a huge torch. He rolled down the window and squeezed out, barely escaping before the kerosene-laden deathmobile smashed into the shrine. It exploded with a bang. He slowly crawled to his feet and stood up. Soon there were hundreds of onlookers rushing to the scene of the accident. Oxnard was in the fore, shouting something to Hamtaro.

"Hamtaro! You're alive! Oh, thank God it was only a dream!"

"What was?"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you on the way to the hospital."

"The... hospital?" Hamtaro followed Oxnard's eyes down to his broken arm. "Oh."

The hambulance arrived and swerved to a halt. Two paramedics rushed out and put Hamtaro on a stretcher. Oxnard got into the vehicle with the three of them so he could comfort his buddy on the ride to the emergency room. The hambulance pulled out of the shrine and back up the hill. As it climbed, an empty beer bottle rolled from the front seat towards the back of the vehicle. Oxnard picked it up and then dropped it in horror.

"It wasn't a car you crashed in. I remember now! It was... this hambulance!"

The paramedic in the passenger seat turned around and stared at him for a few seconds, before saying, "Well, this was an awfully contrived ending, wasn't it?" Yeah, that's what I thought when I saw Twilight Zone: The Movie.