An Emergency Change of Command, part 2
by pari106
pari106@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html
Disclaimer: See part 1; Code: M/Z, Logan/Syl; Zane, Krit, All; Rating: PG-13
An Emergency Change of Command, part 2
by pari106
It was getting later in the day by the time Max, Syl, and Krit came upon the turnoff to which Zane had
directed them. Abruptly, pavement gave way to gravel, and trees rose up around them. They slowed their
speed to compensate for the change in terrain, not minding so much anymore, really, now that they were so
close to the destination.
And yet not close enough.
During the entire trip from Sector 9 to here, Max had been able to hold her anxiety over the situation at bay.
It was pretty easy since the top of her Ninja was not the ideal location for chitchat. She and Krit and Syl
had ridden in verbal silence. And they'd ridden fast, which helped.
But, little by little, Max was cracking just the same. Her palms were sweaty inside her riding gloves, and
she felt like her heart was going to beat its way right out of her chest.
She'd tried, just for the sake of her sanity, not to speculate too often during the ride. When Krit and Syl
had told her that Zane called and had asked them to meet him, they'd also told her not to overreact. "If
something happened to Zack, Zane would have just said so," Krit had said. But Max didn't think so. Zane
wouldn't have been able to just blurt out something like that over the phone. Zack had had to contact the
X5s several times before with such news. To tell them that Brin had been captured, to tell them that Ben
was dead, to tell them that Tinga was gone… And he'd done so with the calm efficiency of a good soldier,
but Max hadn't bought that bullshit act one bit. She knew it had hurt him to be the bearer of bad news.
Especially over the phone, which seemed a little impersonal, didn't it, considering that the news was so
tragic to them all? Max didn't think Zane would treat that pain as indifferently as Zack had.
Still, she'd tried not to speculate. Though, even as he cautioned her about doing the same, Max could see it
there in Krit's eyes – the speculation. The concern. Even fear?
What she'd seen in her brothers eyes had begun to eat at Max. She'd seen the exact same look being
directed at her from Syl. No doubt the same emotions were shining in her own, dark gaze – only more so.
Because if something had happened to Zack, she wouldn't just be losing a brother. She'd be…
Jesus. What would she do?
All this time since the raid, Max had lamented over losing Zack's love. And, sure, there was still some fear
there for his welfare. She'd feared for his welfare all her life. She supposed everyone worried about their
loved ones, and loving Zack was ten times more intense than that, since he was constantly doing things that
made her worry. But once Manticore had gone down, Max supposed she'd begun to worry a little less.
She'd begun to concentrate on other concerns a little more.
She'd never really imagined losing him for good.
She'd thought about it ever since they were children; since before she knew she loved him, or even knew
where he was following the escape. But she'd never really, really imagined it happening. She couldn't
grasp the concept. Especially not now that she'd gotten to know him again. That she'd gotten to love him.
It was all like a bad dream. A nightmare come true.
And if Max didn't wake up by the time they reached that cabin she didn't know what she'd do.
Zack had to be okay. He just had to.
By this time tomorrow, Max wanted to be lamenting her unrequited love once more. Because, as painful as
it was not having Zack by her side, the thought of not having Zack, period, tore Max in two.
Neither Max, nor Syl, nor Krit realized they'd been holding their breaths until they pulled up in front of
Zane's cabin. Then they were there, and suddenly they could breath again.
Apparently, they were the first ones there, because there was only one vehicle parked outside – Zane's,
Max imagined, as it sported some silly bumper sticker degrading cat owners.
Despite the situation, Max nearly smirked.
What was so wrong about cats? She'd have to have a little talk with her brother.
Then Max realized what the others began to realize as well. There was only one truck, so they were the
first ones to arrive. It was just them and Zane. Not Zack.
Then Zane walked out onto the porch, his german shepherd following behind. It was just Zane. Not Zack.
And Max had dreamed of the day when she'd be able to see her quirky brother again. This reunion had
been 10 years in the making.
But when she was finally standing there, face to face with Zane, like she'd wanted so badly, for so long,
Max's elation at reuniting with her brother was eclipsed by her mounting panic.
He did not look happy. He looked worried, too. Worried about them.
And Max stopped, right where she stood. She looked from Zane, to his truck, to the cabin, and back to
Zane, with that look he was giving her.
'No…'
Meanwhile, Zane noticed her expression; the expressions on all their faces. Damn it, what had he been
thinking? Zack was right – he shouldn't have called. He should have known the X5s would get themselves
all wound up. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.' And where was Zack, anyways? His absence wasn't
helping things.
"Max, I'm sorry…"
That's as far as he got. Then he realized Max was about to cry.
She was about to cry!
Zane felt like shit. He hadn't seen his baby sister in ten years, and when they finally do get together he
makes her cry.
He'd be a very miserable man for the rest of his life. Which would last exactly as long as it took Zack to
return. Then he would promptly kill him.
Max was shaking her head. Then she took off, running into the woods near the cabin.
"Hey, Max! Max, wait, I…"
She was out of earshot before he could say anything more. Zane sighed.
Then he looked at Syl and Krit, who didn't look any happier than Max had. Zane kind of squeaked.
This temporary CO business was turning out to be bad. Real bad.
**** ****
Zack didn't know how many times he circled that lake.
He swam the length of it, again and again, at top speed, his strokes smooth and quick. The water parted
before him with barely a sound, and his movements were no more than a blur to the average human eye.
Water wasn't Zack's favorite medium.
He knew Max didn't particularly care for it either, with all that extra feline DNA of hers. Meanwhile, their
brother Krit, with his own specific brand of transgenic engineering, could just as well spend his whole life
off shore. He loved the water that much. There was just something about the weightlessness of it, he said,
that appealed to him as heights appealed to them all.
Zack didn't know about that. But, sometimes, like now, he did enjoy a fast swim. Racing to beat his own
time across the lake, over and over again; raising a challenge for himself and meeting it, then upping the
ante. It satisfied his competitive nature.
It also relaxed him, as much as he let himself relax. He swam, and as he did, the water smoothed the
tension from his muscles, and the adrenaline rush of physical exertion smoothed the tormented thoughts
from his brain.
In the back of his mind, Zack supposed that, too, was just another part of his programming – the need for
action. For challenge, and conflict, and conquest. Even if all her were conquering was a nameless, little
lake on the edge of Washington. He was the CO, after all. It only made sense that he be instilled with a
sense of craving for those things. That was what a good soldier was supposed to do – meet new challenges,
win conflicts. Divide and conquer.
Then Zack abruptly stopped. He just lingered there in the water for a moment, motionless.
'Screw that.' Not everything was about programming. That was why they'd left Manticore in the first
place – to be more than just their DNA. More than just soldiers; numbers in a long succession of barcodes.
Krit liked to surf and Max called her bike her "baby". Syl was a real caffeine addict, and Zane couldn't
iron a sock without burning down the house. That wasn't programming – that was who they were.
And if Zack were a real asshole sometimes about being the best at everything…Zack smiled. Well, that
was just him, too.
Or at least he liked to think so. Now.
Zack started back for the lakeside, moving at a slower pace now.
As he did, he reflected on who and what he was.
Yeah, he was the CO; he was a soldier. He always would be. You could take the man out of Manticore,
but you couldn't take Manticore out of the man. But he was starting to realize that he was also so much
more than that. They all were.
He'd always known this. But he'd only recently begun to perceive this in a new way.
He'd always valued those little things that made him and his siblings more than the killing machines they
were meant to be. But he'd never seen the logic in indulging in those things. Wasn't it enough just to have
them? Wasn't it enough of a miracle just to be able to feel things like friendship or homesickness? Things
strictly forbidden back at Manticore. Wasn't that what it was all about? The freedom to feel?
Just because they had the capacity for such feeling, that didn't mean they had to get themselves captured or
killed pursuing the impossible dream of feeling normally. That's why Zack had never understood Max's
determination to stay put in Seattle. With Jam Pony and Original. With Logan. What was the good of
indulging in those little human traits they'd earned, if by doing so you just got yourself captured? Then
you'd be worse off than before, because Manticore would brainwash you like they had almost done to Brin.
And those human traits wouldn't even exist anymore.
In Zack's mind, there had always been only two options: to deny himself his full humanity in order to
protect it, or to indulge in it and lose himself as a consequence.
But giving Manticore its fatal blow made Zack consider another option.
Maybe Max was right. maybe it wasn't enough just to feel the capacity for real life. Maybe it was all
about living that life.
After all, Max had lived that way for a year now. And she had been the one, ultimately, who could be
thanked for Manticore's demise. She had convinced the others to work with Lydecker; she'd convinced
Brin to defect. Her humanity hadn't destroyed her. It had saved them all.
'But things could have been different,' came that nagging little cynic in the back of Zack's mind.
Zack shook off the thought as he shook the water from his hair, pulling himself up onto the small pier Zane
had fashioned beside the lake. He stood there, letting the wind and the sun dry his skin.
He remembered the nightmare he'd had earlier, but he didn't think of it now as he might once have. He
knew where most of it came from: guilt. And he did feel guilt over losing Ben and Tinga. He felt guilt
anytime any of his siblings were in danger. To an extent, he realized that he was being irrational, but he
couldn't help it. He couldn't help but feel as though he'd failed, anytime something happened to one of his
brothers or sisters. He felt guilty for minimizing what Tinga had had with Charlie and Case; for
minimizing the relationships Zane had had in the past. He felt guilty that Manticore had gotten Brin, and
then Tinga. He felt guilty that he hadn't been able to find Ben before Max or Lydecker did. That he hadn't
been able to shield Max from what she'd had to do to save Ben from becoming just another X-series lab
experiment. He'd always feel a little guilty.
But there had been a time when Zack viewed his failure as he did everything else – as a soldier. His first
thought, when he'd learned about the problem presented by Tinga's family hadn't been the reaction of an
ordinary brother. He hadn't wondered how he could get his sister out of this mess – that came later. he'd
wondered how he could have allowed her to get herself into this mess in the first place. As if her family
were some sort of extracurricular activity that had become inconvenient. As if he were lord and master of
his sister's every decision.
And, in a way, he supposed that was how he saw himself. He was her commanding officer – therefore she
answered to him. It had never occurred to Zack to think otherwise. He had called her sister, had loved her
like a sister, but he'd treated her like a subordinate.
Yet another item to add to Zack's list of regrets.
Because now he thought differently.
Now he wondered if he'd been wrong all this time and if Max had been right. He'd always believed that,
though his programming wasn't the only part of him, it was the most important part to his survival. For all
his failings, Ben had been right about one thing. He'd spooked the shit out of Zack sometimes, but he'd
been right. There was a hunter inside of each of them. And denying that would be denying themselves.
But couldn't the same be said for their humanity? Wouldn't denying their humanity be just as wrong? And
that's what he'd done for a long time. He'd denied Tinga's right to a family – something no human should
be unwillingly denied. He'd denied himself his own desire for the same, for years, by denying his capacity
for love. He'd denied his own emotions, even while he knew, deep down, that he was in love with Max.
Even when temptation overwhelmed discipline, as it had that once at Logan's cabin, causing him to lay
aside his façade as the big brother, for just a moment, and reach out and touch her. To stare at her with
naked longing in his eyes. With love.
And he'd denied Max by refusing to even consider offering her that love on terms she could accept. He'd
never once considered trying things her way. Home, friends, the whole packaged deal. He'd fought with
her often enough about her not doing things his way; had even resented her for it at times. But he'd never
considered an alternative.
But he was considering it now.
Because something had happened during that raid on Manticore. Something that altered Zack's entire way
of seeing things. Something that frightened Zack so badly, with its power to inspire hope, that he'd fled
Seattle and hadn't looked back.
Until now that he'd allowed Zane to reunite the X5s.
Something miraculous had happened during the raid: Max had told him that she loved him.
And he'd been so sure he hadn't a shot in hell of ever hearing her say that he way he wanted her to say it.
But there she was, holding him and crying, and saying those words just as he'd secretly dreamed them in a
moment of weakness.
Zack had always loved Max. Maybe even before he'd known what love was. Even when they were
children, he'd known there was something different about the way he felt about her. But it had taken
meeting her again, as adults, for Zack to realize what that difference was. And when he had, he hadn't
wanted to believe it. He'd fought it. And then, when he couldn't fight it, he just plain ignored it. The first
time he'd admitted that he loved Max, to himself, almost to her, had come during their brief stay at the
cabin, when he'd believed he could finally get Max to submit to his routine. When he thought she'd be
leaving with him, at last.
But then she'd left him. And she'd gone straight back to Seattle, and to Logan. And though he hadn't
dared entertain it before then, Zack had suddenly realized that he'd been harboring some small hope that
perhaps Max might love him the way he loved her. Or that she might feel something, if not love, than at
least something other than sisterly towards him.
There was no one else who could understand her better than he did, just as there was probably no one else
in the world who understood Zack better than Max. When she let them, he and Max could work together as
the perfect team. Together, they could succeed at anything. He'd learned that back at Manticore during
training exercises, and that hadn't changed since then.
And they had chemistry. He didn't know if it was just him who was feeling it, or if Max was just afraid to
feel it, but they had the most electric chemistry. And Zack was no more innocent than he expected Max to
be, but he had never felt the sort of charge he felt when he was around her.
And some small part of him had begun to hope that that could be enough. It would have been enough for
him. Even after he'd admitted that he loved Max, Zack still wasn't certain he bought into the whole
concept of "love" that many people believed in. He didn't really think "love conquers all" or any of that
shit. He certainly hadn't pictured the pitter-patter of little feet and white picket fences in his head. But he
had finally admitted that he loved her. And he thought that could be something good. He thought that if
they had companionship and cooperation and chemistry…and his love for her, regardless of how she felt
for him, provided that she felt something for him…what more did they need?
Apparently Max had needed something. Because she left. And that small hope that Zack had secretly been
harboring, secret even from himself, had died. He'd returned from Manticore some time later, with a few
new scars, and few new nightmares. But the biggest scar he received came on the day he got back to
Seattle. When Max had taken him back to Logan's place and he'd seen how the two looked at one another,
when he'd seen how close the two had become. How much Max had sacrificed for Logan Cale. How
much she must…love him.
That had hurt Zack worse than anything Lydecker had done to him.
Here he'd been suffering, for her. He'd done the one thing he thought he'd never do – he'd let Manticore
take him, alive. For her. And she'd let him so that she could help Logan. She'd let him and then she'd
spent all this time since here with him.
Any hope that he'd had of them being together disappeared that day.
But then the raid happened, and hope began to burn anew. Because even after all of that, after all that time,
and after all the time she'd spent in Logan's arms…there she was, saying that it was Zack that she loved.
At first, he hadn't believed it. He hadn't dared believe. Max was experiencing a moment of panic. Or
maybe he was the one panicking. Surely she had to know how he felt about her. Maybe she was only
trying to give him a moment's peace before death; maybe she was just telling him what he wanted to hear.
He wasn't Logan. He wasn't rich or influential in normal society. He wasn't cultured, nor did he
particularly desire to become cultured. He'd had no idea what the fuck Logan had been playing on the
radio that day on the way to the cabin, until the other man had told them. He just didn't know those kinds
of things. He knew strategy and defense. Things Max already knew all too well, and obviously no longer
found of interest. He didn't smile easily, or laugh easily. If he was angry with her for something, he didn't
just let her do her thing while he sulked. He punched a hole in the wall and then tried to kick her ass. That
was him. And she loved him.
Max loved *him*? She had Logan practically eating out of her hand, after all this time, but she loved him?
She chose him?
No way. Or so Zack had thought.
He'd thought that even if the spell Logan had cast on Max did one day wear off, that there would be no way
she'd go from loving someone like him to loving someone like Zack. Apparently she liked men with
emotional availability issues; men with missions. But past that, Zack couldn't see any similarities between
himself and his rival. If Max was so in love with Logan, she couldn't possibly end up loving him.
Besides, he'd been shot up pretty badly at the time Max had said she loved him. Perhaps she hadn't even
said anything at all. Even if she had, she probably hadn't realized that he'd hear her. Maybe he'd dreamed
the whole thing up?
So he hadn't believed it. At first.
But then he'd allowed himself to think about her declaration. To consider the sincerity he'd heard in her
voice, but hadn't allowed himself to believe. To consider the desperation, the sorrow and the pain there, as
well.
And a little bit of him had begun to believe.
Maybe Max could love him.
And if that were possible, then anything was possible.
Maybe he could live like Max did – pursuing that impossible dream. Maybe he had been denying himself
for far too long. Maybe it was time to stop.
Because if he'd been wrong about Max's loving him, Zack supposed he could have been wrong about
everything.
Her declaration had been that effective. It as that surprising that it made Zack question everything he'd
once held as true.
He didn't know if he'd get any different answers, this time around, but he was beginning to question, all the
same.
That was what this reunion, really, was all about. Answering that one, big question: what next? If Max
did love him, what then?
He knew he'd probably disturbed her with his absence these past months. But he'd needed time to think
these things over. To come to the revelation that he had about his feelings and what they meant for his
future. For their future.
He only hoped that he hadn't had that revelation too late.
Of course, once he'd begun to believe that Max really did love him, he'd stopped worrying so much about
losing her love. If his own emotions were any indication, than love wasn't nearly so fleeting as he'd once
believed. Love – and he didn't know if it were this way for everyone, or if it were exclusive to just certain
people – but love, as Zack had learned, was a resilient thing. He'd loved Max even when he hadn't been
able to find her. He'd loved her even when she wasn't his to love. He'd gone back to Manticore for her,
had taken gunfire for her. And he still loved her.
He was confident that a few months of separation could hardly destroy love, if none of that could.
Well. He was mostly confident.
Then Zack turned, finally deciding it was time to head back. The sun looked lower in the sky now that it
had been when he'd reached the lake, and the others would be arriving anytime now.
Zack felt anxiety and anticipation at the thought that Max would be there soon. And he'd admit it, he felt a
little nervous, too.
Then he turned, and it was as if his thoughts had come to life. Because Max was standing there, a couple of
feet away, just staring at him.
Zack felt surprise, and relief, and all those other things he'd been feeling for so long, all at once.
"Max…"
Then he realized that she looked like she'd seen a ghost.
She thought she had. All this time she'd been worrying about Zack, and there he was in front of her.
Alive.
Very, very much alive. Beautiful, standing there by the water, with the setting sun in his hair and on his
tanned skin. His perfect body.
Max was immobilized by the beauty of the scene in front of her.
But then all the love and concern and the fear of the day passed moved her into action.
She saw Zack turn to her and say something, but she didn't hear what.
"Zack!"
All she heard was the beat of her own heart as she was filled with a joy, and a relief that Zack was okay,
that weakened her entire body.
Then she threw herself at him, and was in his arms.
**** ****
by pari106
pari106@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html
Disclaimer: See part 1; Code: M/Z, Logan/Syl; Zane, Krit, All; Rating: PG-13
An Emergency Change of Command, part 2
by pari106
It was getting later in the day by the time Max, Syl, and Krit came upon the turnoff to which Zane had
directed them. Abruptly, pavement gave way to gravel, and trees rose up around them. They slowed their
speed to compensate for the change in terrain, not minding so much anymore, really, now that they were so
close to the destination.
And yet not close enough.
During the entire trip from Sector 9 to here, Max had been able to hold her anxiety over the situation at bay.
It was pretty easy since the top of her Ninja was not the ideal location for chitchat. She and Krit and Syl
had ridden in verbal silence. And they'd ridden fast, which helped.
But, little by little, Max was cracking just the same. Her palms were sweaty inside her riding gloves, and
she felt like her heart was going to beat its way right out of her chest.
She'd tried, just for the sake of her sanity, not to speculate too often during the ride. When Krit and Syl
had told her that Zane called and had asked them to meet him, they'd also told her not to overreact. "If
something happened to Zack, Zane would have just said so," Krit had said. But Max didn't think so. Zane
wouldn't have been able to just blurt out something like that over the phone. Zack had had to contact the
X5s several times before with such news. To tell them that Brin had been captured, to tell them that Ben
was dead, to tell them that Tinga was gone… And he'd done so with the calm efficiency of a good soldier,
but Max hadn't bought that bullshit act one bit. She knew it had hurt him to be the bearer of bad news.
Especially over the phone, which seemed a little impersonal, didn't it, considering that the news was so
tragic to them all? Max didn't think Zane would treat that pain as indifferently as Zack had.
Still, she'd tried not to speculate. Though, even as he cautioned her about doing the same, Max could see it
there in Krit's eyes – the speculation. The concern. Even fear?
What she'd seen in her brothers eyes had begun to eat at Max. She'd seen the exact same look being
directed at her from Syl. No doubt the same emotions were shining in her own, dark gaze – only more so.
Because if something had happened to Zack, she wouldn't just be losing a brother. She'd be…
Jesus. What would she do?
All this time since the raid, Max had lamented over losing Zack's love. And, sure, there was still some fear
there for his welfare. She'd feared for his welfare all her life. She supposed everyone worried about their
loved ones, and loving Zack was ten times more intense than that, since he was constantly doing things that
made her worry. But once Manticore had gone down, Max supposed she'd begun to worry a little less.
She'd begun to concentrate on other concerns a little more.
She'd never really imagined losing him for good.
She'd thought about it ever since they were children; since before she knew she loved him, or even knew
where he was following the escape. But she'd never really, really imagined it happening. She couldn't
grasp the concept. Especially not now that she'd gotten to know him again. That she'd gotten to love him.
It was all like a bad dream. A nightmare come true.
And if Max didn't wake up by the time they reached that cabin she didn't know what she'd do.
Zack had to be okay. He just had to.
By this time tomorrow, Max wanted to be lamenting her unrequited love once more. Because, as painful as
it was not having Zack by her side, the thought of not having Zack, period, tore Max in two.
Neither Max, nor Syl, nor Krit realized they'd been holding their breaths until they pulled up in front of
Zane's cabin. Then they were there, and suddenly they could breath again.
Apparently, they were the first ones there, because there was only one vehicle parked outside – Zane's,
Max imagined, as it sported some silly bumper sticker degrading cat owners.
Despite the situation, Max nearly smirked.
What was so wrong about cats? She'd have to have a little talk with her brother.
Then Max realized what the others began to realize as well. There was only one truck, so they were the
first ones to arrive. It was just them and Zane. Not Zack.
Then Zane walked out onto the porch, his german shepherd following behind. It was just Zane. Not Zack.
And Max had dreamed of the day when she'd be able to see her quirky brother again. This reunion had
been 10 years in the making.
But when she was finally standing there, face to face with Zane, like she'd wanted so badly, for so long,
Max's elation at reuniting with her brother was eclipsed by her mounting panic.
He did not look happy. He looked worried, too. Worried about them.
And Max stopped, right where she stood. She looked from Zane, to his truck, to the cabin, and back to
Zane, with that look he was giving her.
'No…'
Meanwhile, Zane noticed her expression; the expressions on all their faces. Damn it, what had he been
thinking? Zack was right – he shouldn't have called. He should have known the X5s would get themselves
all wound up. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.' And where was Zack, anyways? His absence wasn't
helping things.
"Max, I'm sorry…"
That's as far as he got. Then he realized Max was about to cry.
She was about to cry!
Zane felt like shit. He hadn't seen his baby sister in ten years, and when they finally do get together he
makes her cry.
He'd be a very miserable man for the rest of his life. Which would last exactly as long as it took Zack to
return. Then he would promptly kill him.
Max was shaking her head. Then she took off, running into the woods near the cabin.
"Hey, Max! Max, wait, I…"
She was out of earshot before he could say anything more. Zane sighed.
Then he looked at Syl and Krit, who didn't look any happier than Max had. Zane kind of squeaked.
This temporary CO business was turning out to be bad. Real bad.
**** ****
Zack didn't know how many times he circled that lake.
He swam the length of it, again and again, at top speed, his strokes smooth and quick. The water parted
before him with barely a sound, and his movements were no more than a blur to the average human eye.
Water wasn't Zack's favorite medium.
He knew Max didn't particularly care for it either, with all that extra feline DNA of hers. Meanwhile, their
brother Krit, with his own specific brand of transgenic engineering, could just as well spend his whole life
off shore. He loved the water that much. There was just something about the weightlessness of it, he said,
that appealed to him as heights appealed to them all.
Zack didn't know about that. But, sometimes, like now, he did enjoy a fast swim. Racing to beat his own
time across the lake, over and over again; raising a challenge for himself and meeting it, then upping the
ante. It satisfied his competitive nature.
It also relaxed him, as much as he let himself relax. He swam, and as he did, the water smoothed the
tension from his muscles, and the adrenaline rush of physical exertion smoothed the tormented thoughts
from his brain.
In the back of his mind, Zack supposed that, too, was just another part of his programming – the need for
action. For challenge, and conflict, and conquest. Even if all her were conquering was a nameless, little
lake on the edge of Washington. He was the CO, after all. It only made sense that he be instilled with a
sense of craving for those things. That was what a good soldier was supposed to do – meet new challenges,
win conflicts. Divide and conquer.
Then Zack abruptly stopped. He just lingered there in the water for a moment, motionless.
'Screw that.' Not everything was about programming. That was why they'd left Manticore in the first
place – to be more than just their DNA. More than just soldiers; numbers in a long succession of barcodes.
Krit liked to surf and Max called her bike her "baby". Syl was a real caffeine addict, and Zane couldn't
iron a sock without burning down the house. That wasn't programming – that was who they were.
And if Zack were a real asshole sometimes about being the best at everything…Zack smiled. Well, that
was just him, too.
Or at least he liked to think so. Now.
Zack started back for the lakeside, moving at a slower pace now.
As he did, he reflected on who and what he was.
Yeah, he was the CO; he was a soldier. He always would be. You could take the man out of Manticore,
but you couldn't take Manticore out of the man. But he was starting to realize that he was also so much
more than that. They all were.
He'd always known this. But he'd only recently begun to perceive this in a new way.
He'd always valued those little things that made him and his siblings more than the killing machines they
were meant to be. But he'd never seen the logic in indulging in those things. Wasn't it enough just to have
them? Wasn't it enough of a miracle just to be able to feel things like friendship or homesickness? Things
strictly forbidden back at Manticore. Wasn't that what it was all about? The freedom to feel?
Just because they had the capacity for such feeling, that didn't mean they had to get themselves captured or
killed pursuing the impossible dream of feeling normally. That's why Zack had never understood Max's
determination to stay put in Seattle. With Jam Pony and Original. With Logan. What was the good of
indulging in those little human traits they'd earned, if by doing so you just got yourself captured? Then
you'd be worse off than before, because Manticore would brainwash you like they had almost done to Brin.
And those human traits wouldn't even exist anymore.
In Zack's mind, there had always been only two options: to deny himself his full humanity in order to
protect it, or to indulge in it and lose himself as a consequence.
But giving Manticore its fatal blow made Zack consider another option.
Maybe Max was right. maybe it wasn't enough just to feel the capacity for real life. Maybe it was all
about living that life.
After all, Max had lived that way for a year now. And she had been the one, ultimately, who could be
thanked for Manticore's demise. She had convinced the others to work with Lydecker; she'd convinced
Brin to defect. Her humanity hadn't destroyed her. It had saved them all.
'But things could have been different,' came that nagging little cynic in the back of Zack's mind.
Zack shook off the thought as he shook the water from his hair, pulling himself up onto the small pier Zane
had fashioned beside the lake. He stood there, letting the wind and the sun dry his skin.
He remembered the nightmare he'd had earlier, but he didn't think of it now as he might once have. He
knew where most of it came from: guilt. And he did feel guilt over losing Ben and Tinga. He felt guilt
anytime any of his siblings were in danger. To an extent, he realized that he was being irrational, but he
couldn't help it. He couldn't help but feel as though he'd failed, anytime something happened to one of his
brothers or sisters. He felt guilty for minimizing what Tinga had had with Charlie and Case; for
minimizing the relationships Zane had had in the past. He felt guilty that Manticore had gotten Brin, and
then Tinga. He felt guilty that he hadn't been able to find Ben before Max or Lydecker did. That he hadn't
been able to shield Max from what she'd had to do to save Ben from becoming just another X-series lab
experiment. He'd always feel a little guilty.
But there had been a time when Zack viewed his failure as he did everything else – as a soldier. His first
thought, when he'd learned about the problem presented by Tinga's family hadn't been the reaction of an
ordinary brother. He hadn't wondered how he could get his sister out of this mess – that came later. he'd
wondered how he could have allowed her to get herself into this mess in the first place. As if her family
were some sort of extracurricular activity that had become inconvenient. As if he were lord and master of
his sister's every decision.
And, in a way, he supposed that was how he saw himself. He was her commanding officer – therefore she
answered to him. It had never occurred to Zack to think otherwise. He had called her sister, had loved her
like a sister, but he'd treated her like a subordinate.
Yet another item to add to Zack's list of regrets.
Because now he thought differently.
Now he wondered if he'd been wrong all this time and if Max had been right. He'd always believed that,
though his programming wasn't the only part of him, it was the most important part to his survival. For all
his failings, Ben had been right about one thing. He'd spooked the shit out of Zack sometimes, but he'd
been right. There was a hunter inside of each of them. And denying that would be denying themselves.
But couldn't the same be said for their humanity? Wouldn't denying their humanity be just as wrong? And
that's what he'd done for a long time. He'd denied Tinga's right to a family – something no human should
be unwillingly denied. He'd denied himself his own desire for the same, for years, by denying his capacity
for love. He'd denied his own emotions, even while he knew, deep down, that he was in love with Max.
Even when temptation overwhelmed discipline, as it had that once at Logan's cabin, causing him to lay
aside his façade as the big brother, for just a moment, and reach out and touch her. To stare at her with
naked longing in his eyes. With love.
And he'd denied Max by refusing to even consider offering her that love on terms she could accept. He'd
never once considered trying things her way. Home, friends, the whole packaged deal. He'd fought with
her often enough about her not doing things his way; had even resented her for it at times. But he'd never
considered an alternative.
But he was considering it now.
Because something had happened during that raid on Manticore. Something that altered Zack's entire way
of seeing things. Something that frightened Zack so badly, with its power to inspire hope, that he'd fled
Seattle and hadn't looked back.
Until now that he'd allowed Zane to reunite the X5s.
Something miraculous had happened during the raid: Max had told him that she loved him.
And he'd been so sure he hadn't a shot in hell of ever hearing her say that he way he wanted her to say it.
But there she was, holding him and crying, and saying those words just as he'd secretly dreamed them in a
moment of weakness.
Zack had always loved Max. Maybe even before he'd known what love was. Even when they were
children, he'd known there was something different about the way he felt about her. But it had taken
meeting her again, as adults, for Zack to realize what that difference was. And when he had, he hadn't
wanted to believe it. He'd fought it. And then, when he couldn't fight it, he just plain ignored it. The first
time he'd admitted that he loved Max, to himself, almost to her, had come during their brief stay at the
cabin, when he'd believed he could finally get Max to submit to his routine. When he thought she'd be
leaving with him, at last.
But then she'd left him. And she'd gone straight back to Seattle, and to Logan. And though he hadn't
dared entertain it before then, Zack had suddenly realized that he'd been harboring some small hope that
perhaps Max might love him the way he loved her. Or that she might feel something, if not love, than at
least something other than sisterly towards him.
There was no one else who could understand her better than he did, just as there was probably no one else
in the world who understood Zack better than Max. When she let them, he and Max could work together as
the perfect team. Together, they could succeed at anything. He'd learned that back at Manticore during
training exercises, and that hadn't changed since then.
And they had chemistry. He didn't know if it was just him who was feeling it, or if Max was just afraid to
feel it, but they had the most electric chemistry. And Zack was no more innocent than he expected Max to
be, but he had never felt the sort of charge he felt when he was around her.
And some small part of him had begun to hope that that could be enough. It would have been enough for
him. Even after he'd admitted that he loved Max, Zack still wasn't certain he bought into the whole
concept of "love" that many people believed in. He didn't really think "love conquers all" or any of that
shit. He certainly hadn't pictured the pitter-patter of little feet and white picket fences in his head. But he
had finally admitted that he loved her. And he thought that could be something good. He thought that if
they had companionship and cooperation and chemistry…and his love for her, regardless of how she felt
for him, provided that she felt something for him…what more did they need?
Apparently Max had needed something. Because she left. And that small hope that Zack had secretly been
harboring, secret even from himself, had died. He'd returned from Manticore some time later, with a few
new scars, and few new nightmares. But the biggest scar he received came on the day he got back to
Seattle. When Max had taken him back to Logan's place and he'd seen how the two looked at one another,
when he'd seen how close the two had become. How much Max had sacrificed for Logan Cale. How
much she must…love him.
That had hurt Zack worse than anything Lydecker had done to him.
Here he'd been suffering, for her. He'd done the one thing he thought he'd never do – he'd let Manticore
take him, alive. For her. And she'd let him so that she could help Logan. She'd let him and then she'd
spent all this time since here with him.
Any hope that he'd had of them being together disappeared that day.
But then the raid happened, and hope began to burn anew. Because even after all of that, after all that time,
and after all the time she'd spent in Logan's arms…there she was, saying that it was Zack that she loved.
At first, he hadn't believed it. He hadn't dared believe. Max was experiencing a moment of panic. Or
maybe he was the one panicking. Surely she had to know how he felt about her. Maybe she was only
trying to give him a moment's peace before death; maybe she was just telling him what he wanted to hear.
He wasn't Logan. He wasn't rich or influential in normal society. He wasn't cultured, nor did he
particularly desire to become cultured. He'd had no idea what the fuck Logan had been playing on the
radio that day on the way to the cabin, until the other man had told them. He just didn't know those kinds
of things. He knew strategy and defense. Things Max already knew all too well, and obviously no longer
found of interest. He didn't smile easily, or laugh easily. If he was angry with her for something, he didn't
just let her do her thing while he sulked. He punched a hole in the wall and then tried to kick her ass. That
was him. And she loved him.
Max loved *him*? She had Logan practically eating out of her hand, after all this time, but she loved him?
She chose him?
No way. Or so Zack had thought.
He'd thought that even if the spell Logan had cast on Max did one day wear off, that there would be no way
she'd go from loving someone like him to loving someone like Zack. Apparently she liked men with
emotional availability issues; men with missions. But past that, Zack couldn't see any similarities between
himself and his rival. If Max was so in love with Logan, she couldn't possibly end up loving him.
Besides, he'd been shot up pretty badly at the time Max had said she loved him. Perhaps she hadn't even
said anything at all. Even if she had, she probably hadn't realized that he'd hear her. Maybe he'd dreamed
the whole thing up?
So he hadn't believed it. At first.
But then he'd allowed himself to think about her declaration. To consider the sincerity he'd heard in her
voice, but hadn't allowed himself to believe. To consider the desperation, the sorrow and the pain there, as
well.
And a little bit of him had begun to believe.
Maybe Max could love him.
And if that were possible, then anything was possible.
Maybe he could live like Max did – pursuing that impossible dream. Maybe he had been denying himself
for far too long. Maybe it was time to stop.
Because if he'd been wrong about Max's loving him, Zack supposed he could have been wrong about
everything.
Her declaration had been that effective. It as that surprising that it made Zack question everything he'd
once held as true.
He didn't know if he'd get any different answers, this time around, but he was beginning to question, all the
same.
That was what this reunion, really, was all about. Answering that one, big question: what next? If Max
did love him, what then?
He knew he'd probably disturbed her with his absence these past months. But he'd needed time to think
these things over. To come to the revelation that he had about his feelings and what they meant for his
future. For their future.
He only hoped that he hadn't had that revelation too late.
Of course, once he'd begun to believe that Max really did love him, he'd stopped worrying so much about
losing her love. If his own emotions were any indication, than love wasn't nearly so fleeting as he'd once
believed. Love – and he didn't know if it were this way for everyone, or if it were exclusive to just certain
people – but love, as Zack had learned, was a resilient thing. He'd loved Max even when he hadn't been
able to find her. He'd loved her even when she wasn't his to love. He'd gone back to Manticore for her,
had taken gunfire for her. And he still loved her.
He was confident that a few months of separation could hardly destroy love, if none of that could.
Well. He was mostly confident.
Then Zack turned, finally deciding it was time to head back. The sun looked lower in the sky now that it
had been when he'd reached the lake, and the others would be arriving anytime now.
Zack felt anxiety and anticipation at the thought that Max would be there soon. And he'd admit it, he felt a
little nervous, too.
Then he turned, and it was as if his thoughts had come to life. Because Max was standing there, a couple of
feet away, just staring at him.
Zack felt surprise, and relief, and all those other things he'd been feeling for so long, all at once.
"Max…"
Then he realized that she looked like she'd seen a ghost.
She thought she had. All this time she'd been worrying about Zack, and there he was in front of her.
Alive.
Very, very much alive. Beautiful, standing there by the water, with the setting sun in his hair and on his
tanned skin. His perfect body.
Max was immobilized by the beauty of the scene in front of her.
But then all the love and concern and the fear of the day passed moved her into action.
She saw Zack turn to her and say something, but she didn't hear what.
"Zack!"
All she heard was the beat of her own heart as she was filled with a joy, and a relief that Zack was okay,
that weakened her entire body.
Then she threw herself at him, and was in his arms.
**** ****
