Strangled

The eighth poem in the "Kibito's Thoughts" series

by Rivka Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

A/N: Loads of angst ahead. Like mush? Go back a few poems. –Rivka

I wanted to strangle myself for you,

Let the life-force out of me, slowly,

Let it seep into you, deeply,

Let it mingle with your very soul.

Now I am dead, through no fault of my own,

And I await your arrival here, in the palace of a lesser god,

For I see you breaking, disintegrating, strangling yourself,

Although struggling to exist.

I hear your voice cry out plaintively…

It is not my name. It angers me. I know not why.

Maybe it is because I have loved you for eons

And yet you forget. Did it happen upon you

That I can hear in death??

I would like to know why Gohan?

Do you love him? Do you cling to him

Like a drowning sailor to a rock?

I want to strangle you, but I can't.

Even if I were alive

Killing you would mean killing me,

The most important part of myself.

Can you imagine me wasting away like that, Kaiooshin-sama?

I know you cannot hear me

But I pray that you hold me in your heart just the same.

Be strong.

-Rivka