Oh, Baby

Author: Nova-chan E-mail: IlovemenoV@aol.com Rating: G Summary: Xelloss, for some strange reason, has turned himself into a cute, pint-sized toddler. Now, Lina, Zelgadis, Amelia, and Gourry have to babysit him, or face Zelas' consequences. Sure, he may be cute at first, but just wait until he starts teething. Dedication: To my bestest internet buddy in the whole universe, Guyler, the future ruler of the world. And to Shea, who made a pair of frog legs sing "Happy birthday Mr. President." And, also, for my bust, which grows larger everytime I wear a blue shirt. And finally, for my really bad case of influenza, which gave me time to write a fic this long. Foreword: Yes, it's me, everybody's favorite pajama-wearin', pigtail bearin', fanfic writin' blond! I'm back after being sick for five days! I missed everybody, and sorry to say, but this is the only fic I came up with. I'm gonna be working on an MST that I've kept putting off, but that's all I've got for now. If anybody has an idea for a fic, drop me a line! NoV Note: Should Kimi-san have questions about any of the above text, she need only contact Nova-chan. ^.^



**



"Gourry! Gimme that potato wedge!" Lina cried. "Say please," Gourry prompted. "Please this!" the sorceress yelled, snatching the fry out of his hand. "Lina, that wasn't very nice." Gourry pouted. "Yeah, well, you snooze, you lose!"

"Miss Lina!" Amelia exclaimed. "You shouldn't take things that don't belong to you without permission because it is inJust and wrong and mean and you hurt Mr. Gourry's feelings!!" "Yeah," the swordsman agreed, poking his lip out a little, "I wanted to eat the French fry, all juicy and greasy and full of fat with an entire shoe- full of salt-" Amelia giggled. "A shoe of salt? Why would you eat salt that has been in a shoe?" "Oh, it's just an expression," Gourry assured her. Zelgadis quietly drank his coffee, while sitting in a dim corner of the room, reading a book entitled, "CDA: Coffee Drinkers Anonymous." "Mr. Zelgadis!!" Amelia yelled. "Don't you think that it is inJust for Miss Lina to take Mr. Gourry's French fry without asking??" Zelgadis calmly threw the book into a nearby fireplace. "I remain neutral," he muttered. "But, Mr. Zelgadis!" the princess whined. "Neutrality is the next step toward the side of inJustice! Mr. Zelgadis. I never thought that you of all people would stoop down so low as to go closer and closer to inJustice behind my back. You must apologize to Justice immediately!" She held up a plush letter J. "Now, tell Justice that you're sorry." "No," he said, flatly. "Mr. Zelgadis." "Amelia." "Mr. Zel-ga-dis." "A-me-li-a." Amelia's eyes began to water. "Mr. Zelgadis, please say you're sorry." Zelgadis sighed. "I'm sorry." "Yay!!!" she squeaked, jumping up. "Justice forgives all!"



**



In another part of town, a certain purple-haired priest, named Xelloss, was bored. He was so bored, that it wasn't even funny! He was boreder than a student at an assembly on a Monday. "I am bored," he said. He tilted his head back, as he sat on a stone wall, and looked up at the clouds. "Boooooooooooooooore-duh," he said, playing with the word. He yawned and laid down on the wall. "I need something to do. But what?" At that moment, a little girl with an ice cream cone walked up to the wall and stared up at Xelloss with big, inquisitive eyes. "Hey, Mister, whatcha doin?" she asked. "Nothing," he answered. "Why?" "Because there's nothing to do." "Why?" "Because it's a really boring day." "Why?" "Because life is just that way." "Why?" "Because it is." "Why?" "I don't know." "Why?" "Because I-ice cream!!!" Xelloss' eyes grew big and sparkly. "Can I have your ice cream, little girl??"

"No." "Why?" "Because." "Why?" "Because it's mine." "Why?" "Because my mommy bought it for me." "Why?" "Because I screamed and cried and kicked her until she got it for me." "Why?" "Because I wanted it." "Why?" "Because it looked yummy." "Why?" "Go away!" "Not until you gimme your ice cream!!!" "Oh-kay." She reached to give him the ice cream, but yanked it away at the last minute. "Nyah, nyah! Loser!!" she laughed, running away. "I think I'm gonna cry," Xelloss said to himself. "Waitaminute.if that little girl could annoy me.maybe if I." And then, the plot thickened.



**



Back at the restaurant, Lina and Gourry were finished eating, and Amelia was talking to Zelgadis, who was finishing his coffee. "Mr. Zelgadis? What do you think is better? Living or serving Justice?" "Is there a right way to answer that question?" "." "That's what I thought." Zelgadis rolled his eyes. "Amelia, why do you ask me such odd hypothetical questions?" "Well, I don't ask questions as weird as Xelliss!"* the princess responded. "You've got me there." "Hey, you guys!" Lina called from the table. "I'm going to go jump in the hot tub! Wanna come?" "I'll come, Miss Lina!" Amelia answered. "But, only if Mr. Zelgadis comes too!" Zelgadis sweatdropped and buried his head in another book. "Mr. Zelgadis?" the oujo whispered. He slowly turned his eyes toward her. She was looking at him, her eyes, big and sparkly, with a cute, little smile on her face. "Please, Mr. Zelgadis?" He sighed. "Oh-kay, Amelia." "YAY!"



**



As Amelia was about to change into her swimsuit in her room, there came a tiny knock on her door. "Who is it?" she wondered. No one answered. "Mr. Zelgadis, is that you?" she queried. "Miss Lina? Mr. Gourry?" Still no answer. "Hmm." She walked to the door and opened it. She saw no one. "How strange," she commented. She was about to close the door and leave when she heard a giggle below her. "Huh??" Sitting on the floor beneath the Seyruun princess, sat a cute, smiling baby Xelloss with hair shorter than normal, a one-piece outfit, similar to his usual clothes, and a rattle that looked somewhat like his staff. "." Amelia was dumbstruck. She couldn't muster her voice. Slowly, not looking at anything in particular, she stepped over Xelloss, walked into the bathroom across the hall, and closed the door. Baby Xelloss stared after her, as a loud scream erupted from the room. Seconds later, Amelia reappeared, as chipper as ever, with a big smile on her face. Xelloss looked up at her, curiously. "KAWAII!!!!" she squealed. The priest sweatdropped and began to doubt the brightness of this particular plan. Amelia picked him up and squeezed him until his eyes bugged out. "Miss Lina!! Miss Lina!!" she shrieked. "Come look at what I found!!!!" Lina walked out, wearing a two-piece pink bathing suit with bright flowers on it. "What is it, Amelia?" she questioned. "Aag! What is that?? .Xelloss?" The sorceress began to crack up. "Xelloss! What happened to you?" Chibi-Xelloss squirmed in Amelia's arms. He pouted. I think I may have cast the wrong spell, he thought to himself. I hardly have any power! "Lemme see." Lina motioned. Amelia handed her the small mazoku. "How cute," she teased, pinching his pudgy cheek. Without warning, he opened his mouth and bit her finger. "Ouch!" the orange-haired girl cried. "You brat! I'll kill you!!" She loomed over him, ready to fireball him to Hades. "Miss Lina!!" Amelia exclaimed, standing between them. "You can't hurt him!!" "WHY NOT???" Lina demanded. "Well.because I think he's cute!" Lina fell over. Before she could get up, the princess shouted, "Mr. Zelgadis! Mr. Gourry! Come and see this!!" Gourry quickly hopped out of his room, his sword of light drawn, ready to kill anything that had dared to bother Lina or Amelia. Zelgadis came out of his room about five seconds later, with a dull expression on his face. Immediately after seeing the chibi-fied Xelloss, his and Gourry's eyes bugged out and they fell on the floor. Once he had recovered, Gourry said, "Woah! Amelia! When did you have a baby?? I mean, I noticed you were a little fatter than usual, but-" Soon after the words had left his mouth, the swordsman fell down with a giant lump on his head, compliments of Amelia. "Mr. Gourry!" she whined. "Not only have I not engaged in any form of sexual intercourse, but I am NOT fat!!!!!" "Oh-kay, oh-kay!" he cried, holding up his hands, defensively. "You're not fat!" The blond stood up. "But.whose kid is it? Is it yours Lina? Because-" "Gourry, if you say the word fat in a sentence where I am the subject, I am going to kill you in your sleep," Lina threatened, before he could get anything out. "Um.oh-kay." "Xelloss?" Zelgadis wondered, recovering from his fall. The priest sighed and looked at the chimera, sadly. "How did this happen?" Lina queried. "I don't know," Amelia answered. "I just heard a knock, opened the door, and there he was!" "Maybe." Lina paused, thinking of a remedy for this particular problem. "Maybe we should leave him here. I mean, I don't wanna hafta take care of him." "But, miss Lina!" the oujo sniveled. "It's cruel and inJust to leave him here all alone!!" Xelloss quickly nodded in agreement. "Then, we'll just have to leave him somewhere else," Lina decided, glaring at Xellos, as fangs poked out of her lips.



**



"Bye!" Gourry called. "I'll see you later!" They had left the infant mazoku in a local daycare. The large woman holding him grabbed Xelloss' hand and made it wave. "Say bye-bye Xelloss!" she exclaimed. He sniffled. They left me. They left me here with this giant monstrosity, he said to himself. This time I think I really am going to cry. Down the road a bit, Amelia's conscience was bothering her. "Miss Lina? Do you think it was Just to leave Baby Mr. Xelloss there? Don't you think he'll be lonely?" she asked. "Yeah," Gourry joined in. "Who's gonna feed him and clothe him and take him for walks and teach him how to talk and how to eat large quantities of food in the blink of an eye and how to save the rainforest and how to bake me pies and how to sing in Chinese and how to fry oysters and most importantly, how to bake me pies?" "Like I said before, there's no way I'm gonna take care of a baby, especially not Xelloss!" Lina shrieked. "It could be a trick," Zelgadis agreed. "I still don't get who he is," Gourry said, confused. "Is he the daycare lady's baby?" Lina and the others fell over. Standing up, the infamous dragon-slayer exclaimed, "Well, it doesn't matter what happens!! There is NO WAY I'm taking care of him!!" Lightning crackled around them. A puff of swirly smoke appeared and evaporated to reveal greater beastmaster Zelas. She snarled at Lina. "If you don't march right back to that daycare and get my son and take care of him, I will make your lives hell!!!"



**



"I'm glad we decided to keep him, Miss Lina!" Amelia proclaimed. "Heh-heh, so am I!" Lina laughed, nervously, holding chibi-Xelloss, who was smiling happily. "Here, Gourry," she said, shoving the baby into the swordsman's arms. "You hold him for a while." "HI!" Gourry squeaked. A frightened drop of sweat slipped down Xelloss' head. "Hmm.I know! Would you like some ice cream?" he asked, excitedly. The baby-monster's face lit up and his eyes grew big and sparkly. "I'll take that as a yes!"



**



"For the last time, Gourry, we are not naming him! His name is Xelloss!" Zelgadis exclaimed, trying to get these things through the blond's thick head, as they sat on stools at the counter of a Baskin Robbins. "Hey, really?" Gourry cried. "Maybe he's named after Xelloss!" Zelgadis sweatdropped. He tried again: "Read my lips, Gourry: HE. IS. XELLOSS." "Who? Him?" the swordsman asked, pointing to the child in Amelia's arms, happily inhaling some ice cream she was trying to feed him with a spoon. No! he shouted to her in his mind. Don't gimme the spoon! Just gimme the whole thing! "Yes, Gourry, him," Zelgadis said, exasperated. "Oh, come on! He doesn't look anything like Xelloss!" the thick-headed blond pointed out. "Just give up, Zel," Lina advised. "Trying to get Gourry to understand plain, simple wording is like trying to keep him from eating!" Zelgadis sighed. "You're right. Does this place sell coffee?" "Yep!" a waitress answered. "We've got black, decaffeinated, sugared, creamed, sugared and creamed, mocha, vanilla, cappuccino, and something new we're experimenting on that has garlic powder and fish paste in it." The chimera stood up and shook her hand. "Congratulations," he said, his entire body rigid. "You are the first person to succeed in making me disgusted at coffee." He lifted up his hand and a spray of confetti splattered all over the room. "Um." She looked at him, unsure of his sanity. "So, do you want some coffee, or not?" "Not." He turned to Lina. "I'm going to Starbucks. I'll see you guys later." "Hey! Zel, wait up!" Lina called after him. "There's no way I'm letting you go in there alone! Not after you tried to rob Joe Mugg's!" She ran out the door, following him. Gourry walked over and sat in the booth across from Amelia, who was desperately trying to feed Xelloss and stay clean simultaneously. As she was about to put the spoon back into his mouth, chibi-Xelloss' pudgy hand snatched the spoon, dripping the contents on Amelia's skirt. She stood up, causing the bowl to fall out of her lap and onto her new boots. She spilled my ice cream! Xelloss said to himself. Now, I know I'm gonna cry! And he did. In fact, he wailed so loudly that all the other customers in Baskin Robbins ran away, covering their bleeding ears. "Mr. Gourry!" Amelia cried. "Get Baby Mr. Xelloss some more ice cream! I have to go change!" She handed the baby to Gourry, who lifted him high into the air, just barely being missed by the ceiling fan. Xelloss gulped and suddenly wished that one of the others would come back, as he wasn't very keen to being left alone with Gourry. "Look, Baby!" squeaked the swordsman, holding up a triple-scoop chocolate- vanilla swirl ice cream cone. Normally, Xelloss would be giddy at such a sight, but with Gourry holding it, and with no powers, it was thoroughly frightening. This is not gonna be pretty, he said to himself. "Now, open wide!" Gourry leered over the small mazoku, wielding the ice cream cone. Xelloss shrunk away, shaking his head. To further show his dissatisfaction, he slammed his rattle-staff right down the center of the cone, then threw it at the swordsman's head, where it stuck like glue because of the ice cream. "But, it's so GOOD," Gourry told him. "Now, open up so the twain can come thwough!" What does he think I am? Xelloss asked himself. A baby? "Hmm." Gourry tried to think of a motive. "LIFE IS WONDERFUL!!!!" The monster's mouth dropped open, and he covered his ears. The blond swordsman took the opportunity to stuff a spoonful into Xelloss' open mouth. The chibi mazoku choked. Aag! he exclaimed to himself. Is he trying to kill me? "Now, wasn't that yummy??" Gourry dipped the spoon in the ice cream to get another bite. "Open up again!" Xelloss' mouth was still stuffed with the last bite, and Gourry was trying to get an even bigger bite in. So, he did the only logical thing he could. His little hand shot out, grabbed a handful of Gourry's blond hair, and pulled as hard as he could. It took a few seconds for the intense pain to register, but when it did, Gourry cried out in agony, dropped Xelloss on the counter and the ice cream flew into the air, landed on the baby's head, and dripped down his face. Happily, Xelloss licked whatever came closest to his mouth, the rest of it falling on the counter or his clothes. Meanwhile, Gourry was still sniveling, and rubbing the spot on his head, where the roots of his hair had nearly been pulled out. After it stopped hurting as bad, he noticed Xelloss and the mess he was in. "Oh.I guess I'll hafta give you a bath, huh?" The mazoku stopped licking his face. He gulped. This is bad, he told himself.



**



"There, now!" Gourry exclaimed, adding a rubber duckie to the pile of toys that nearly took up all of the tub. "This is fun, right?" Xelloss looked at Gourry. Note to self, destroy him, he thought. "Oh-kay, now where's the soap?" the swordsman mumbled to himself. Forget the soap! Xelloss exclaimed to himself. Where's my rattle-staff?? It's been lost forever in this mass of toys! Gourry found the soap on the counter of the sink. He walked back over and knelt by the tub. Just as the soap was about to make contact with chibi- Xelloss' face, Gourry dropped it, and it disappeared under all the toys. "Whoops."



**



"Mr. Gourry?" Amelia wondered, walking into Baskin Robbins with a clean skirt and boots. "Baby Mr. Xelloss? I wonder where they went."



**



"Grr.Zel.gadis.stop!!" Lina gritted through her teeth, trying to hold the chimera back. "We're.leaving! And we're not coming back!!!" "But, I hafta get more coffeeeeee!" he cried, reaching for the dispenser. "Please," he begged of the waitress. "I just need my fix." "Sorry, pal," she said, shaking her head. "You've had enough." "Hear that??" Lina roared. "Now, can we go? She's not gonna give you anymore!!" "Then, I'll steal it!!" he exclaimed. Somehow, he managed to jerk his hand free of her grip, and jumped onto the counter. "All right," he said, producing a fireball in his hand, "this is a stick-up! Nobody move, or the cream gets it!" Lina sighed. "Zelgadis, what am I going to do with you?" She looked up at him. "All right, if you wanna do this the hard way.FIREBALL!!!" She released a spell, much bigger than Zelgadis'. The chimera's eyes got big, and his fireball dissipated in his hand. "Lina?" he squeaked.



**



Amelia heard an explosion, and turned around to see the Starbucks across the street was in flames. "Uh oh." she whispered, before running over to the scene. "Mr. Zelgadis??" she cried. "Mr. Zelgadis!!! PLEASE BE OH-KAY!!!!" Zelgadis popped his head out of the rubble. His face and upper body was singed. "Ow." "Mr. Zelgadis!!" Amelia squealed, glomping him. Seconds later, she burst into tears. "Mr. Zelgadis!!! I thought I would lose you forever, but here you are, you're oh-kay, I'm so happy!!!!" "Umm.thank-you, Amelia," he replied. Lina stood, unscathed by the attack or the rubble. "Maybe next time, you'll think twice about trying to rob coffee shops, while I'm standing there watching!" she cried. Amelia finally let go of Zelgadis, allowing him to breathe. Some of the normal customers from Starbucks stirred and moaned. "Did anybody get the license number of that fireball?" someone asked, wearily. Suddenly, Amelia gasped. "I forgot! Miss Lina! Mr. Zelgadis!! After I changed my clothes, I went back to Baskin Robbins and Mr. Gourry and Baby Mr. Xelloss were gone!!" "You left them alone???" Lina gaped. "Why in the world did you go change and leave Gourry and Xelloss alone??" "Well.I spilled Baby Mr. Xelloss' ice cream on my skirt and boots, so I had to change into some clean clothes," she answered. Zelgadis groaned. "Who knows what they could be getting into."



**



"Let's see.almost got it.no.wait.I.no." Gourry mumbled, trying to find the soap in all the toys, while Xelloss happily giggled and clapped his hands. You've almost got it! he taunted, in his head. "Hmm." Gourry stared at the plastic sheep in his hand. "Never mind. I'll just find some body wash to get it off." He stood up and looked on a shelf for some liquid body wash. At last, he found some in a purple bottle. He opened it and sniffed it. "Mmm." he said. "It smells just like ripe blueberries.ah.I love blueberry pie." Gourry walked back to the tub and knelt beside it again. "Oh-kay, Baby, I'm gonna get all the sticky ice cream off of your face," he said. Just please don't get any in my mouth or my nose, Xelloss silently pleaded. Gourry squirted some of the body wash onto a sponge and began to clean the sticky mess off of the chibified monster's face.



**



"AAAAH!! AAAH!!!" Lina screamed. "WE LOST HIM!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE SLOW, HORRIBLE DEATHS!!!!" "Miss Lina! Calm down!!" Amelia exclaimed. "He's with Mr. Gourry, after all. What could happen?" Zelgadis and Lina stared at her. Only seconds after she said it, Amelia realized how stupid it had been.



**



"There, now," Gourry said to the clean, dry, and newly clothed Xelloss. "Sorry, but until your other clothes are clean, you'll hafta wear Lina's nightie. At least it's smaller than anybody else's, huh?" Xelloss snickered to himself. Gourry smiled brightly. "Since we're all nice and clean, why don't we take a nap?" Xelloss shook his head stubbornly. A nap? Is he nuts? There's no way I'm going to sleep! I don't even need to sleep! Even if I did, I wouldn't. Not until I figured out how to get out of this.body. he finished with a yawn. "See?" the blond asked. "You are tired. Now, why don't we go lie down and rest, hmm?" The mazoku yawned again, before shutting his eyes, and relaxing his muscles, as he lay in Gourry's arms. "All righty, good night, Baby."



**



"Check under all the tables!!" Lina cried, desperately. Amelia dove underneath a table and crawled around under the others, searching for Xelloss. "Zelgadis!! Look in the bathrooms!!" the red-haired sorceress yelled. "In both of them??" he demanded. "YES!!!" Zelgadis sighed and headed into the men's restroom first. No Xelloss. No Gourry. He emerged. "Lina, why don't you look in the other one?" he wondered. "Fine, I hafta do everything myself!" she fumed, heading into the ladies' room. She came out, shaking her head. "They're not in there." "What made you think they would be?" Zelgadis asked. "They're not under the table, Miss Lina," Amelia reported, sadly. "Maybe Gourry decided to take Xelloss to the toy store?" the chimera suggested. "All right, Zelgadis," Lina said, "you search the toy store." "NO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!! I SWORE I'D NEVER GO BACK! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO!!!" he cried. "Fine, Amelia, you go check out the toy store." "Right, Miss Lina!!" the princess replied, saluting her. "Zelgadis, you can go search the zoo." "The what???" "You heard me!! Get going!!" Lina roared. He sighed again. "Oh-kay.where are you gonna look?" "In the candy store," she responded. "What better place to look for Gourry?" "Right."



**



Amelia walked into the toy store, and was amazed to see how many toys could be in one building, and still stay orderly. "Mr. Gourry? Baby Mr. Xelloss?" she called. She walked down the first aisle she came to, which was stocked full of board games, electronic games, video games, and any other kind of games you could ever want. "Hmm.it doesn't look like they're here," she said to herself. The oujo spotted a man a feet yards down the aisle and walked over to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Person that I've never seen before in my life until now?" Amelia said. He looked at her strangely. "Umm.yes?" "I was wondering if you saw a tall man with long blond hair, and a baby with purple hair?" she queried. "Uhh.no." he answered. "Oh-kay, thanks anyway, Mr. Person that I've never seen before in my life until now!" she called, heading toward another aisle.



**

Meanwhile, Zelgadis had arrived at the zoo. He closed his eyes, slowly. "Why me?" The first exhibit featured some turtles. "Hmm." he said to himself. "I wonder if Xelloss could have fallen in there, drowned, and got his head bit off by one of the snapping turtles." He began to laugh, imagining the sight. Everyone around him began to back away from him, as slowly as they could. "Nah, I couldn't get that lucky," Zelgadis decided, going towards the giraffe exhibit. There were three or four big giraffes, and two small ones. "No. Not here," he mumbled. The next stop was the display with the polar bears. "Maybe Xelloss fell over the fence, and the bears mauled him to death," he contemplated, about to giggle. "Hey Mister!" a little girl said, poking Zelgadis in the side. "What is it?" he replied. "I have ice cream," she said, proudly. "I don't care." "Why?" "Because." "Why?" "Because I don't." "Why?" "Because it doesn't make a difference to me whether you have ice cream or not." "Why?" "Because the fact that you have ice cream will not ever make a difference in my life!!!" A flash of lighting crashed in the sky. Zelgadis looked around, nervously. "Oh.kay."



**



Lina walked into the candy store. "Gourry? Gourry, are you in here?" she called. There was no response. She looked through the lollipops and licorice, and all the other sugary, teeth-rotting items on the first aisle. "Oh, wow!!!" she exclaimed. "Gumdrops! I love gumdrops!! I mean.while I'm here.you know, it won't hurt if I just pick up some while I'm looking." She grabbed four bags of gumdrops and put them in a nearby basket, then picked it up and continued her search.

**



Amelia came to the next aisle of the toy store, which was covered in stuffed animals of every shape, size, and color. "I guess he could be hiding behind some of these stuffed toys," she decided. As inconspicuously as possible, she began tossing the various plush animals behind her, searching behind them as she went. "Well.he doesn't seem to be here," the princess said to herself, standing with her hands on her hips, amidst the hundreds of stuffed animals she had dissipated. "Miss?" a voice asked behind her. "Yes?" she replied, politely. "GET OUT OF MY STORE!!!!"



**



Zelgadis laughed nervously. "Maybe.I should just leave!" He turned around and began running away, as thunder and lightning roared in the background. "Goodbye demonically possessed little girl!!" he called back. "Goodbye Zelgadis," she said, with an evil chuckle.



**



Lina, after failing to find a trace of Gourry or Xelloss, took her overloaded basket to the counter. "My, are you having a party or something?" the clerk asked. "What do you mean by that, buddy?" she questioned, threateningly. "Nothing, I was just-" "Are you saying that I have so much candy that I hafta share it with other people?" "No, I-" "Well, you're wrong! I could eat twice this amount without getting sick, or even feeling queasy!!" she yelled. "I'm sure you can, but-" "So now you're calling me fat??" Lina demanded of the poor man. "No, of course not, Miss!!" "Good. Now ring this up so I can get outta here," she ordered, harshly. "N-no charge. All compliments of the store! Thank you for coming!" he exclaimed, quickly. "Oh, thank-you. I'll be back soon!" She winked at him, as he fainted on the floor.



**



One by one, Zelgadis, Amelia, and Lina trudged back to Baskin Robbins. "I couldn't find them, Miss Lina," Amelia said, sadly. "Me either," Zelgadis muttered. "Well, neither could I." Lina pouted. "Where could they be??" "Miss Lina, maybe they went back to the inn?" Amelia suggested, hopefully. "I guess it couldn't hurt to look," Lina said, headed toward the door, with Amelia and Zelgadis close behind her.



**



Lina knocked on the door of Gourry's room. "Hello? Anybody home?" No answer. "Gourry, I'm gonna open the door!" she cried. No answer. "Oh-kay, ready? One.two.three!!" Lina shouted, as she burst open the door. Amelia and Zelgadis poked their heads in after Lina. On the bed lay Xelloss, stretched out like a rag doll, and Gourry, hanging off the bed, snoring. "Aww! How cute!" Amelia chirped. "Well, at least we didn't lose them," Zelgadis said, leaving. "Come on, Amelia," Lina whispered, "let's go get some lunch."



**



"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" Baby-Xelloss cried. It was the next morning, and none of the slayers could figure out what to do. "Aaaah!!" Lina screamed. "I'm going deaf!! WHADDAYOU WANT???" I slept with Gourry! Xelloss cried to himself. WHYYYYYYYYYYY??? "Maybe he's hungry!!" Gourry shouted over the noise. "WHAT??" Lina asked. "I SAID MAYBE HE'S HUNGRY!!!!" Gourry repeated, a little louder. "OH-KAY!!!" Lina ran out of the room, where Amelia and Zelgadis had fled, and closed the door behind her. She handed a wad of money to Amelia. "Please, PLEASE, for the love of humanity, go to Baskin Robbins and get him some ice cream," the flame-haired girl begged. "Oh-kay, Miss Lina," Amelia complied. "I'll be back as soon as I can." And with that, she raced down the stairs, and out of sight. Lina leaned against the wall, and slid down, coming to sit with her head tucked against her knees. "Zelgadis," she said, muffled by her knees, "we're going to die of exhaustion." "We aren't going to die, Lina. There has to be a way to change him back," Zelgadis insisted. "Maybe there's a spell." "Yeah," Lina agreed, sarcastically, as she stood up. "A spell that only he knows." "That may be true, but maybe not. Or maybe he could tell us what it is." "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try." Lina sighed, and opened the door, to hear the infernal screaming of the chibi mazoku. Gourry ran around in circles, grabbing toys and various other items, to try and get Xelloss to stop crying. "LOOK!!" he shouted over the wailing, holding up a spoon. The baby stopped crying and took the spoon. He appeared interested for a moment, before chucking the object at Gourry and wailing some more. The poor swordsman looked dazed for a moment from the spoon hitting him between the eyes, then searched for something else that might grab Xelloss' interest. Lina and Zelgadis sweatdropped as Gourry handed the chibi monster a baseball, then a brick, then a bowling ball, then a shoe, then a basketball, then a chair, getting hit with all of them, of course. Xelloss was still crying at the top of his lungs, and holding his rattle-staff, looking very tempted to throw it too. "Gourry," Lina said, calmly, grabbing the blond around the neck, "are you trying to get brain damage?" "No." he choked out. "I was just trying to make the baby stop crying." "Well, guess what, jellyfish!!" she yelled. "IT'S NOT WORKING!!!" "I guess it isn't, huh?" he said, jokingly. Lina dropped him on the floor. "Look, Amelia went to get him some ice cream. If he's hungry, that's sure to make him happy." "Let's hope so, far all our sakes," Zelgadis added, as the three watched the infant scream and shake his head, wildly. Why??? Why Gourry!!!



**



Amelia arrived at Baskin Robbins. "Excuse me, Mr. Ice cream Vendor?" she called to the boy turned toward the back of the store. "Yes? May I help you?" he replied. "Yes," she answered, nodding. "I need the biggest chocolate-vanilla swirl ice cream cone you can make!" "Well.I'd be glad to give it to you, but-" he began. "BUT NOTHING!!! I HAVE BEEN AWAKE SINCE THREE O'CLOCK THIS MORNING!!" she shrieked, grabbing his collar and slamming his head on the counter. "AND MR. ICE CREAM VENDOR, IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME SOME ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO SHOVE YOU UP THE ICE CREAM MIXER AND PUT YOU IN A CONE!!!" The boy gulped. "W-well.please don't take this the wrong way, Miss, but.but the ice cream machine's broke." Amelia let go of him. "Y-you mean." She trailed off. "Yep," he replied, sadly, "no ice cream. Not until we get it fixed. The repairman's due to get here at 2:00." "But it's only ten-thirty!!" she whined. Suddenly, she stood up straight and pointed a finger into the air. "Not to worry, the great and powerful Justice always finds a way to do good! And, I, Amelia Wil Tesla de Seilluun will not let Justice down!! I will find some ice cream for Baby Mr. Xelloss, so he will stop crying, and the rest of us can get some sleep!!!" "Well.uhh.if you don't find any, you can always come back here at two," the vendor suggested. "No need! Justice will guide me towards victory!!" she exclaimed, flashing a "V" sign. "Thank you, Mr. Citizen, but I will be on my way now, to serve the almighty powers of Justice and Goodness and Righteousness!!" Amelia ran out the door, leaving the boy to stare after her. "Oh-kay, then."



**



"Lookee, Baby!" Gourry cried, showing him a thick book. "Gourry, no!!" Zelgadis exclaimed. "I still haven't checked that one for my cure yet!!" It was too late. Xelloss grabbed it and shredded the pages, and tossed them around the room. Zelgadis slowly walked over and picked up one of the disregarded pages. He cradled it in his hands, and a tiny tear slipped out of his eye. "You could have been the one," he whispered. "Get up, Zelgadis," Lina said, flatly. She looked at her watch. "Geez, Amelia should be back by now! She's been gone an hour!! I might expect something like this if we had sent Gourry, but-" "Maybe she found something that needed justicing?" Gourry suggested, rocking Xelloss in his arms. "That sounds like her." Lina sighed. "I've gotta go rest. I can't take this any longer." She left the room. "I need a break, too," Gourry said, handing Xelloss to Zelgadis, and walking out behind Lina. "Aag!!" the chimera screamed. "Don't leave me here with this thing!!!" His shoulders slumped when no one answered him. It wasn't until a few minutes later that he realized Xelloss had stopped crying. He stared down at the baby, who was clutching his cloak and giggling happily. "Oh, so now you decide to be all cheerful, huh?" he asked, mockingly. "Well.at least you aren't making that awful noise anymore." Zelgadis held him up at eye level. "Between you and me, are you doing all this stuff just to annoy us, or are you really a baby?" As if to respond, the chibified mazoku reached out and grabbed a fistful of Zelgadis' hair and pulled on it. The blue-haired swordsman's eyes bugged out. "Ow.ow.OW!! Stop that hurts!!" he shrieked. Zelgadis tried to get him to let go by holding the small child away from him, but it only made him grip the cerulean locks tighter. "Xel.los, please let go!!" he gritted through his teeth. Xelloss smiled and giggled some more. Yes! Negative emotions!! I haven't had a meal this good in weeks! he exclaimed to himself, delightedly. Screaming, the chimera ran out of the room, Xelloss in tow. "AAAH! AAH! AAAAAAAH!!!"



**



"Excuse me, Mr. Grocery store owner?" Amelia inquired. "Yes?" the man responded. "Do you have any chocolate-vanilla swirl ice cream in stock?" "Well.we have vanilla, and we have chocolate, but no swirl," he answered. "We have blenders, though. You could mix 'em together." The oujo sighed. "I guess I'll have to try that." "All right, ice cream, ice cream, blender," he read off. "That'll be $22.50. The blender's on special." He winked. "Thank you, Mr. Grocery store owner!" she exclaimed, handing him the correct amount, and running out of the store.



**



"Zelgadis!! Hold still for a second!!" Lina yelled, chasing him around the room. "IT HURTS!! I'M GONNA DIE!!" Zelgadis screamed, trying to shake his hair free of Xelloss' grip. He had long since stopped trying to pull him lose, and the mazoku-baby only stayed airborne by holding onto the tufts of blue hair. After awhile, he began to wonder how much longer he could hang on. Ohhh. he thought. I'm getting dizzy.and nauseous. Finally, with a rough shake of Zelgadis' head, the baby let go and fell toward the floor. AAAH!! Xelloss screamed to himself. "WWAAAAAAAAAHH!!!" he screamed out loud. "Gotcha!" Gourry shouted, as he dove forward, saving the infant from a collision with the floor. Phew! That's a relief, Xelloss sighed. I could have busted my head open, or- or-died!! "WAAAAAAAHH!!" he wailed. "Oh, no, not again!" Gourry cried. He began to sniffle. "I-I can't take this.WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" "Gourry, SHUT UP!!" Lina yelled, snatching Xellos from Gourry, and shoving him out of the way. "There, there, it's oh-kay.STOP CRYING, YOU BRAT!!!" Baby-Xelloss stuck his tongue out at her, and reached for Zelgadis. "Oh, no. I'm not going to hold you anymore. Not after what you just did," Zelgadis said, glaring at him. Xelloss began to sniffle. "No, please don't do that. Please, stop. Lina's nice! She'll hold you and you'll be nice and warm and-" Zelgadis tried to suggest. "WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"



**



"And if that mockingbird won't sing, momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring won't shine, momma's gonna buy you a.redwood pine." Zelgadis sat, rocking Xelloss in a rocking chair, singing him a lullaby, and trying to get him to go to sleep. Lina and Gourry had collapsed onto a couch beside the fireplace. "Gourry." Lina whispered. "Yeah, Lina?" "Do you think we're gonna die?" "Yes," he groaned. Abruptly, the door burst open. "I'm back!!" Amelia shouted from the entrance. "WAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!" "Amelia!!" Zelgadis shrieked, practically in tears himself. "I almost had him asleep!!" "Never fear! I have ice cream, and I'm here!" the princess cried, showing her spoils. "Amelia." Lina stared at her. "You don't have the right kind. IT HAS TO BE SWIRLED!!!" she shrieked, losing her insanity. "IT HAS TO BE SWIRLED!!!" "Ah, but Miss Lina, that's what the blender is for." She showed the device she had purchased. "Amelia?" "Yes, Miss Lina?" "I love you."

**



"Oh-kay, oh-kay, I know, I know," Gourry said comfortingly to Xelloss. "She's getting your ice cream. It's coming." He had resorted to pacing around the room, and bouncing the baby on his knees to get him to calm down. It was such a pretty song too!! Xelloss cried to himself. "Don't worry, Baby Mr. Xelloss!" Amelia called, with a hand over the top of the blender as it spun around. "It's almost done!" Zelgadis had crashed onto a big, cushy chair, and had immediately fallen asleep. Lina was still sprawled out on the couch. "There! It's all done!" Amelia announced, opening the top of the blender and showing the interior. "Now.uh.oh." "Uh-oh??" Lina demanded. "WHAT UH-OH????" "Umm.I forgot to get ice cream cones." Amelia said, shyly. "Amelia?" "Yes, Miss Lina?" "I hate you." "Well.I could just put it in a bowl." she said, slowly. "But, we don't have any bowls," Lina pointed out, stressing the words 'have' and 'bowls.' "Umm.then." "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO!!" Gourry cried, anxiously. "JUST DO IT QUICKLY!!" He frantically tried to appease the wailing mazoku, who was currently trying to beat the poor swordsman into a pulp. Put me down! Xelloss screamed at him, in his head. You smell like fish!! "Well." Amelia thought for a moment. "I guess we could feed it to him right out of the blender?" "Yes, fine, WHATEVER!!" Gourry exclaimed. "Just please!! End my torment!!" "Does anybody have a spoon?" "AMELIA!!!" Lina and Gourry yelled. The oujo sighed. She walked over to where Gourry was holding the still- screaming Xelloss. "Oh-kay.umm.Baby Mr. Xelloss?" she wondered. He reached for her, hopefully. Please!! Take me away from the fish!! Amelia took him from Gourry, who fell flat on the floor, snoring. "Miss Lina, how do I-" She stopped, realizing that Lina was asleep too. "Umm." She looked at Xelloss, and decided that it was for the best to carry out the only action she could. She sat him on the ground, propped against the wall, and sat the blender in front of him. "Dig in," she said, softly. His face lit up and he did just that. As one might suspect, very little ice cream ever made it in his mouth. Instead, it spewed around the room, hitting the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the lamp, and Zelgadis, Amelia, Gourry, and Lina, of course. None of them seemed to care, as they had long since fallen into the land of slumber.



**



Though she didn't want to, Lina sat up and stretched, since the sun was beaming in her face from a window. She yawned and spotted Gourry curled up on the floor. A little further over, was Zelgadis, slouching in a big armchair, and finally, Amelia, laying flat on her stomach on the floor. Lina was just about to fall asleep again, when a thought suddenly struck her. "Xelloss?? WHERE ARE YOU, XELLOSS????"



**



Zelgadis brewed himself some coffee, while Amelia and Lina searched the inn for Xelloss, and Gourry snoozed on the floor. He sniffed the coffee, dazedly. "Ahhh.nothing smells quite like it."



**



Amelia had taken it upon herself to search the spa area. "Baby Mr. Xelloss?" she called, searching around the towels. Upon not finding him, the princess looked through the various bottles of cream and water bottles. As she passed by the pool, she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at it. "No.he wouldn't.he.BABY MR. XELLOSS!!!!" she wailed, diving into the pool.



**



Lina had taken the liberty of checking the rooms. She knocked on one of the doors. A pretty, blond-haired girl answered. "Lina-san?" she questioned. "Filia-san?" Lina retaliated. "What are you doing here?" "Well," Filia answered, "I was coming through town, and decided to spend the night. And, what about you?" "Umm." Lina tried to look past the dragon and into her room. "Well, it's a very long story actually, but.before I get into it, I need to let you know that.well.Xelloss may be somewhere in your room." "WHAT!!!!!!" Filia screamed, speeding out of her room to hide behind Lina. "Y-you mean.that namagomi is in my room??" "I didn't say that!!" Lina yelled. "I just said he might be. Let me explain."



**



Filia nearly burst out laughing. "A baby???" "Yes, he's a baby," Lina said, nodding. "And, we lost him! He could be anywhere!" The dragon snorted. "Like hiding somewhere, watching us and laughing his stupid, ugly head off?" "I.don't think so," the sorceress said. "I mean, after Zelas showed up and threatened to 'make our lives hell' if we didn't watch him, I think he really has been turned into a baby." "She could be in on this too!" Filia exclaimed. "Mazoku are all alike! They're filthy, scheming, demons!!" "Maybe, but still, I don't want my life to be hell," Lina reasoned. "Well, for yours, Amelia's, Zelgadis', and Gourry's sakes only, I hope you find him," the priestess offered. "Thanks."



**



Zelgadis sat in his chair, with his two-liter sized cup of coffee. He noticed Gourry was still sleeping on the floor, reached out with his foot, and poked him in the head, getting no response. "Gourry?" he wondered. Gourry didn't even twitch. "Gourry!!!" Zelgadis exclaimed, a little bit louder. He tried throwing some popcorn at him, which he got from nowhere, because of the laws of anime physics. The blond didn't budge. "Hmm." Zelgadis looked from his coffee mug, to Gourry, to the coffee maker, then back to his mug. "I have plenty left in the coffeepot, so it won't matter," he decided. Standing up, he walked one or two steps to get a good angle above Gourry. In one quick movement, Zelgadis dumped the entire two liters of steaming coffee right onto Gourry's head. The swordsman shot straight up, his face burning from the hot liquid. "Welcome to the land of the morning," the chimera greeted him. "Um.uh." Gourry looked at him, strangely. "And, welcome to the land of the morning to you too?" Zelgadis sighed. "Gourry, Xelloss is gone, we can't find him." "Xelloss? Really? It's been awhile seen I've seen him," Gourry said, thoughtfully. "You saw him yesterday." "I did?" "Yes. He's the baby, remember?" "Baby? What baby?" Zelgadis turned around, walked out the door and into the street, closed his eyes, and screamed. All the people going about their business stopped and stared. Someone dared to walk over to the nervous breakdowning chimera, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you gonna be oh-kay?" he asked. "I am never going to be oh-kay," Zelgadis answered in a huff, then headed back into the building. Gourry was snoring again. "Why me??"



**



Amelia, after diving off the edge of the pool, found herself face-to-face with its plastic covering. Apparently it hadn't been removed because the pool wasn't open yet. "Oops," she said. The oujo began to stand up, but realized that once she did, the covering would submerge, and, not wanting to ruin another outfit, decided to crawl slowly to safety. She made it to the edge of the pool where she could climb out. Steadily, she stood up. With one foot on the plastic, and the other in midair, extending towards the cement surroundings, the one on the plastic slipped, and she fell flat on her back on the covering. The impact caused the edges to go under for a second. As the water seeped around her, she felt herself losing control, and getting very angry. "MR. XELLOSS!!!!"



**



Lina, after leaving Filia's, checked the door next to hers. A man came to the door. "Yes? Oh, are you the service I ordered?" "Service?" Lina asked, confused. "Yeah. The um.special service?" "Fireball!!!!"



**



As Filia sat in her room, she began to wonder just what a baby-Xelloss would look like. She also began to wonder if Zelas would really kill all her friends if they didn't find him. She then began to wonder if Xelloss was in her room. And it was that thought that sent her running after Lina.



**



Baby Xelloss sat up and yawned. He was still in the spot behind the couch he had crawled to after gorging on the ice cream last night. He wondered if anyone else was up, so he crawled out from behind the couch, and looked to see that Gourry was still asleep. Well, if they're still asleep, there's no need for me to be awake, he decided. And with that, he went back to sleep.



**



"Lina-san!" Filia cried, catching up with the sorceress. "Yeah? What is it, Filia?" Lina asked, slowing down. "I...you." she stuttered, out of breath. "I want to help you find Xelloss." "You-want to help-find-him??" Lina gaped. "Yes. I wouldn't want any of my friends getting hurt," the dragon said, sternly. "Oh-kay, well, I've had enough of searching rooms, let's go look somewhere else," the short-statured, orange-haired girl suggested. "We could go check in the foyer," Filia told her, helpfully. "All right, let's go."





**



Amelia, who had long since disregarded trying to stay dry, trudged across the plastic covering on the pool, a look of pure anger dancing across her features. "As soon as I find him, I'm gonna give him a big hug, and then, I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!!!!" she screamed. She stomped toward the exit door of the spa, and slammed it shut behind her.



**



Zelgadis sighed deeply, trying to clear his head of his thoughts and his headache. "Mr. Zelgadis!!" Amelia yelled, coming into the room. "Yes, Amelia?" he replied, nonchalantly. "Where is Baby Mr. Xelloss?" she demanded. "I'm going to kill him!!!" "Amelia? Go sit in a bathtub full of ice cubes-and chill." "But, he-oh-kay, Mr. Zelgadis. I guess I did overreact a bit.is Mr. Gourry asleep?" she finished, abruptly. "Yes, he is." "In the name of Justice, I shall wake him up!" the princess announced, toeing the blond in the ribs, gently. Gourry didn't budge, just as before. Amelia smiled sweetly, and whispered to Zelgadis, "How cute, he's sleeping." Zelgadis merely nodded. Amelia reared her leg back and kicked Gourry as hard as she could. He sat up, holding his side, with his mouth wide open. "MR. GOURRY!!!" the enraged oujo shrieked. "WAKE UP!!!!" "I'm awake I'm awake!" he protested. "I've had enough of this!!" Amelia shouted to no one in particular. "Baby Mr. Xelloss can stay back at that daycare center for all I care! I refuse to take care of him anymore!!" And with that, she kicked the couch into the wall, smooshing Xelloss. "Ack!" came a sound from behind the couch. "What was that?" Gourry asked. "Um.I-I dunno.Mr. Gourry, you check it out!!" Amelia squeaked, nervously. "No way! It could be a snake or a bat or an elephant or something!" Gourry protested. "Mr. Zelgadis!!" the oujo whined. The chimera sighed. "Oh-kay, I'm going." He stood up and walked to the side of the couch and peered behind it. He gasped. "Xelloss????"



**



Lina and Filia walked around the inn until they came to the reception area. They searched under chairs, around the front desk, and everywhere else, to no avail. "I guess he isn't here either," Lina said, sighing. "Maybe one of the others found him," Filia conspired. "We should go back and see."





**



Amelia gulped. "Did.did I squish him?" "Um.no," was Zelgadis' response. Help me. Xelloss silently cried. Gourry got up to push the couch over a little. He peered over the back. "Hey, Baby, what're you doing back here?" he questioned, happily. The mazoku gurgled and stuck out his tongue at Gourry. Zelgadis gathered him in his arms and began to stand up with him. "Baby Mr. Xelloss!!" Amelia ranted, almost immediately. "Not only was I worried sick, but I was quite peeved with you!! And, what would have happened if you had been squished to death by the couch?? That would not have been pleasant, and-" She paused when Zelgadis dropped the infant into her arms. "Oh, Baby Mr. Xelloss, I could never ever stay mad at you for long." She smiled a big, happy smile. Suddenly, the chibi monster remembered something and began squirming around, reaching for the couch. My rattle-staff!! It's still back there!! he exclaimed to himself. Amelia struggled to keep from dropping Xelloss, as he reached over her shoulder for the back of the couch. "Baby Mr. Xelloss! Please!!" Amelia shrieked. "Mr. Zelgadis!! Help me!!" Zelgadis peered behind the couch, seeing nothing but cobwebs and lint. "There isn't anything back there," he reported. "Mr. Gourry!!!" "Aw, come'ere Baby!" Gourry beckoned. Amelia sat him in the swordsman's arms. Hmm.if my rattle-staff isn't behind the couch.then where did I leave it? Xelloss asked himself. Of course!! He snapped his fingers, or at least made the gesture, since its kinda hard to snap baby-fingers, (which Gourry thinks would make a delicious snack, by the way). I left it in the blender after eating the ice cream! "Gah!!" Baby-Xelloss exclaimed, pointing toward the direction of the blender. "Yes, that's right," Gourry agreed, nodding. "It's a wall! Can you say 'wall'??" Xelloss sweatdropped. I'm surrounded by idiots. He pointed to the blender again. "Aw, don't worry, you can learn to say 'wall' when you're old enough," the blond assured him. The chibi priest put a pudgy hand over his face. I would give my left arm to be able to talk. "And one day, I'll teach you how to say Uncle Gourry!! .can you say 'Uncle Gourry'??" Oh-kay, Mr. 'Let's mess with the baby's head,' you asked for it! "WAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!"



**



Lina and Filia broke out into a run when they heard the crying. They slid to a stop in front of the door. "Ready?" Lina asked. Filia nodded. Slowly and carefully, Lina opened the door. She and Filia gaped at the scene unfolding before their eyes. Gourry was holding Xelloss, who was wailing loud enough to break several sound barriers, while Amelia smacked the swordsman across the head repeatedly, screaming "WHAT DID YOU DO??" and Zelgadis merely watched the spectacle from his position on the couch, as he drank some coffee. "Oh-kay, oh-kay!!" Filia exclaimed. "Everybody stop!!!" Her voice was so commanding, that all stopped and stared, giving her their full attention. "All right, good. Now, I have a solution to this problem," the dragon said, glaring at Xelloss. "Namagomi.kawaii!!!" AAAH!! Xelloss shrieked to himself, while clawing at Gourry's shirt at the same time. She's lost her mind!! Help me!! "What's your solution, Miss Filia?" Amelia asked, hopefully. "Well," the Ryuzoku began, "first."



**



"Filia, you are a genius," Lina complimented. "Why thank you, Lina-san, I always knew I was," the dragon priestess boasted, gleefully. Lina had woven a band of magic into a box around Xelloss to make a playpen. Sure, that solves your problem, Xelloss said mentally, but what about me?? What about my rattle-staff?? I need it!! He began to sniffle and pointed at the blender again. Filia, seeing this, walked over to the blender, and looked into it. She saw the rattle-staff inside it. "A-ha!" she cried, grabbing the object. Xelloss could hear the victory ring in her voice, and was sure that she had his precious, desired rattle-staff. The dragon merrily walked to the makeshift playpen, holding his power-wielding rattle-staff behind her back. "Do I have what you want?" she asked, cheerfully. Xelloss nodded. "Do you want me to give it to you?" He nodded again. "Well, guess what!!! You can't have it! Nyah!" she teased, sticking out her tongue. "Filia," Lina warned, angrily, "if you-" "Just kidding!!" Filia shrieked. "How could I say no to such a kawaii namagomi? Hmm?" Xelloss graciously received his possession, yet could not shake off the eerie feeling he received from the Ryuzoku. It has to be one of three things, he silently decided. One, she's lost her mind. Two, this is her extremely odd way of being nice. Three, she has some alternative motive, and is trying to hide it. "There, now!" Filia exclaimed, with a broad smile gracing her lips. "Does my widdle Xelly-welly feel all better now?" Ding, ding, ding! The correct answer is behind door number one! She is indeed losing her mind! "Gosh, Filia," Gourry said, dazedly. "How come you know how to make him happy and.we don't?" "Well, I did raise my little Valgaav, you know. And lemme tell you! It was no picnic!" she replied. "Oh, well that makes sense, I guess," Lina decided. "Miss Filia-sama?" Amelia asked, quietly. "Could I ask you a favor, please?" "Of course, Amelia-san!" "Well.I believe that I speak for everyone when I say that we are very tired and." The oujo paused. "And?" Filia prompted. "And.could you watch Xelloss while we take a break, please?" "Yes, yes!! PLEASE!!" Lina cried. "I'll do anything!" Zelgadis offered. "Pretty please with a cherry and ice cream and chocolate fudge and cheese and pickles and relish and tacos and pie and squash and some more pie and dolphins and clouds and sandwiches and barbecue ribs and-" "She gets the point, Gourry," Zelgadis said, cutting the swordsman off. "I'd be glad to watch him for you!" Filia complied. Xelloss' jaw dropped to the floor. No. She did not say yes. "We'll have lots of fun, won't we, namagomi-chan?" the priestess asked, happily. That is the strangest oxy-moron I've ever heard in my life! Xelloss exclaimed to himself. 'My dearest rotten garbage'.puh-lease. "You all go and have fun! Take a nice holiday off! You deserve it!" Filia called after everyone else, who was leaving. The chibified mazoku gulped as Filia slowly turned around to face him. Help. "Hello there! Would you like to play a game with your Filia-obasaan?" she squeaked. Let me see. he thought to himself. If I don't, she's probably going to kill me, although whatever 'game' we're playing probably has a deep-rooted motive to kill me anyway.decisions, decisions.. He ended up nodding his head. "Oh-kay, why don't we play a game called.cat's cradle?" Xelloss sweatdropped. She probably only wants to choke me with the string. Filia pulled a string from her bag and twisted it in a certain fashion around her fingers. "Now, watch carefully," she instructed, as she nimbly began kneading the thread in and out of her fingers. "An ice cream.a bird.a fish.and Xelloss!" she exclaimed, as she made various designs. That's supposed to be me? Xelloss wondered, disgustedly, at the stringy formation that seemed to make a face. "Hmm.why don't we play a different game?" the dragon suggested. The baby monster merely sighed. "How about.we eat?" Ice cream! I want ice cream!! he cried out in his mind, hoping by some miracle that it would reach her. "I'll go into the kitchen and make you some lunch!" she exclaimed, hopping up and skipping toward the interior of the lodge. Xelloss sweatdropped. I think she may be taking this a little too seriously.



**



"Come on, Xelloss! No dessert until you eat your veggies!" Filia urged. The mazoku in question crossed his arms and shook his head. There is no way I'm letting her poison me. "I'm gonna count to ten, and if you haven't eaten all of your carrots, you're gonna hafta go to time out!" she threatened. Ooh, time out, he mocked. They'll be mopping my blood off the walls for weeks! "One," Filia began. "Two." Hmm.I didn't know she could count that high, Xelloss said to himself. "Three." Those carrots look like they're still alive. "Four." One potato, two potato, three potato, out the door! Xelloss exclaimed mentally, flinging a potato wedge out of the playpen. "Five." Something smells like it's burning, oh, tail-ed one. Looks like you're a worse cook than Gourry is. "Six." Someone's in the kitchen with Filia. Someone's in the kitchen named Beth. Someone's in the kitchen with Filia, stabbing her to death. "Seven." At this point, Filia's tail popped out of the back of her dress. Eep. She's doing the thing again! "Eight." I'm gonna die. That's all there is to it. As soon as she says the word, 'ten,' she's gonna kill me, and I'll never get dessert. "Nine." Please, gods of Filia's anger, have mercy. I had no idea that this would happen. Please, please, don't let her kill me. "Ten." Filia stepped next to the magic-induced playpen. "All right, Mister. No dessert for you." She picked him up and sat him in a chair. "And, as punishment, you will have time out for ten minutes." This.is punishment? the chibi mazoku asked himself, unbelievingly. This is the best she could come up with? HA! Poor Filia. She must be losing her mind in her old age.



**



Five minutes later:

I've gotta get out of here! I'm gonna die! I'm actually going to die of boredom!! Xelloss frantically cried to himself. He looked over the edge of the chair, wagering how much pain would be induced if he fell off, and looked over to Filia, sewing in a chair nearby. He leaned over the end of the chair, feet-first, and began to slowly inch himself toward the floor. Of course, Filia chose this time to look up from her sewing. "Oh, no, you don't!" she exclaimed, instantly picking him up again. "I think that I should add another five minutes of time out for this." Xelloss shook his head, frenetically. "Oh-kay, you've learned your lesson," the dragon decided. "Now, let's go eat those yummy veggies!" A look of pure terror crossed the young monster's face. I am going to die.



**



"Aaahhh." Lina sighed. "It sure is nice to get away from all that crying and feeding and tiring and just Xelloss, altogether." "Miss Lina," Amelia piped up, "maybe it's time we gave Miss Filia a break? We've been gone for quite awhile now. She may be lonely, or tired." "If I cared, I'd kill myself for caring about something so stupid." Amelia sighed, deeply. The group of refugees had gone to a nearby resort theme park. Gourry was taking a swim in the giant heated pool, Lina and Amelia were lounging in some lounge chairs, trying to get a tan, and Zelgadis was looking awfully bored, while sipping a coconut, filled with coffee. "Excuse me, sir?" a voice called to him, interrupting his soon-to-be nap. (Although after all the coffee he's drank today, I don't know how he could even close his eyes.) "What is it?" he blurted. "Well, Zelgadis, aren't we rude?" He had no choice but to look at the person who was standing over him like a vulture. "How did you know my-AAAAAHHH!!!!" he screamed, upon realizing that it was the same possessed lightning-producing girl from the zoo. "Lina!! LINA! LINA, LINA, LINA!!!" he cried, hiding behind the sorceress. "Zelgadis!" she complained. "You're getting in the way of my sunlight. What do you want?" "Oh, Mr. Zelgadis!" Amelia exclaimed. "Did you get a sunburn? I'll be right back with some cooling gel for you!! Don't move!! With your blue skin, you could end up yellow or something!!" And with that, the well-endowed princess ran to the gift shop. "Umm." The chimera stared after her for awhile. "Lina!!" "WHAT???" "It's her." "'Her' who?" "Hello Zelgadis, Lina," the girl said, walking up. Lina stared at the girl, who had short, black hair, and who bore a slight resemblance to Sailor Saturn. "How do you know our names?" she demanded. "Oh, I know much more than that," the girl answered. "My name is of no consequence-" "Hello, Offnocompestence!" Gourry called to her. The nameless girl sighed. "Idiot. Anyway, I have been following you around for quite some time now, and, as you all are, I am a dealer in magics, too. Preferably black magics." "And what does this have to do with anything at all?" Lina asked. "Well, while your friend, Xelloss, was chanting a spell, I decided to alter it a little, and now, he's stuck as a baby, does any of that ring a bell?" "You're the one who turned him into a baby?" Zelgadis asked, calmly. "Well, it was already his intention, I only made it so he didn't have any power," she answered. "Oh, oh-kay." Zelgadis smiled softly at her. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE OF YOU??" "Well.I did have a reason. And you had better not raise your voice at me again, or else!" the girl yelled. She chanted a spell under her breath, and transformed herself into a taller, very well-endowed, sorceress wearing black leather. Lina's jaw hit the pavement. "Nahga??"



**



I don't get it. Xelloss sighed, flicking his rattle-staff towards Filia, trying to turn her into a bat. Why won't it work? Filia had taken up her sewing again, after placing Xelloss in the playpen. "There! I'm all finished!" she declared, walking over to the magic playpen. "I made you some little shoes!!" She showed him a pair of pink shoes, with little ties on them. The baby gaped. Pink??? "Now," Filia said, grabbing a foot, which automatically tried to kick her, "time to wear these pretty shoes Filia-momma made you!" Xelloss gulped. Filia-momma??? NO!!!!!



**



Nahga laughed her disturbing laugh and exclaimed, "Yes, it's me, Nahga, the world's most powerful, beautiful, and busty sorceress!" "Miss Oneesama?" Amelia cried. "Amelia?" "MISS NAHGA-CHAN!!!" the oujo shrieked, glomping her older sister. "Ack!" "Wait, Amelia!" Lina warned. "Nahga's the bad guy in this fic! Get back!" "Oops, sorry, Miss Lina," Amelia apologized, backing away from Nahga. "Why in the world did you do this, Nahga?" Zelgadis asked. "And why were you disguised as a little kid? And how did you make the lightning crackle? And why is Gourry so stupid? And why is Lina so tiny? And why are you so big? And why is Amelia your sister? And why am I a chimera? And why is my grandfather also my great-grandfather? And why does the sun always set in the west? And why does the moon orbit the earth, while the earth orbits the sun? And why is the grass always greener on the other side? And why does aluminum explode in the microwave? And why-" "That's enough, Zelgadis," Lina stated. "OHOHOHOH!" Nahga cackled. "Well, I wanted Xelloss to be a baby, so that." She paused and sniffled. "So that I could switch bodies with him." No one spoke for a few minutes. "Why?" Lina asked, scrunching her eyes. The large sorceress sniffled again and looked at Lina. "You don't know how hard it is for me!!!" she suddenly exclaimed. "My chest is so heavy that I can't go anywhere without falling over at least once! And its so big that I can't wear a t-shirt or a dress to save my life! So, I want to switch places with Baby-Xelloss, merely age switching, that is, and this time, I won't talk breast enlargement pills!" Amelia gasped. "You took breast enlargement pills?" "And you didn't?" Nahga wondered, accusingly. "Of course not!" the princess defended. "My breasts are not some after- effect of a pill made only to grab attention! Why, I was only born this way! Unlike some people, who aren't satisfied with what they have!" "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time!" "Well, I don't think that this idea is good either!" "Well, you don't have to lug around watermelons!" "Well, you cheated!" Zelgadis covered his face with his hands. "I'm not hearing this conversation."



**



Filia's gone insane, and that's all there is to it, Xelloss decided. She's calling herself 'Filia-momma.' She called me 'Xelly-welly.' She tried to feed me carrots. She called me namagomi-chan!!! He ran along all the points that made Filia crazy. "Oh, namagomi-chan?" Filia called. "Do you wanna learn how to swim?" Oh, gods, the chibified mazoku gaped, she's going to drown me.

"Let's go down to the pool, and I'll teach you how to swim!" the dragon priestess exclaimed. Xelloss smiled sadly. I would like to leave all of my personal effects to any fans I may have had. All of my clothing should be donated to a miscellaneous charity. Any and all other items may be given to.my mommy!!



**



"So, you want to go through your childhood again by switching ages with Xelloss," Lina wondered. "Yes. That's exactly right!" Nahga cried. "But, um.Nahga?" "Yes?" "Xelloss is thousands of years old." "." Lina stared at the shapely sorceress before her. "Nahga, I don't think it's a good idea to switch bodies with him. He'll be your age.and you'll be a baby, but.I don't think Zelas would be too happy." "But, it has to work, it just has to!!!!" Nahga cried, running off. "Nahga!!! WAIT!!! COME BACK HERE!!" Lina yelled. "Zelgadis, Amelia, Gourry!! We've gotta go!!!" "I'm coming, Lina!" Gourry replied. He tried to pull himself out of the inner tube he was in. "Um.I hate to say this, but.I'm stuck." The group sweatdropped. Zelgadis stepped toward the pool, where Gourry's middle was trapped in the tube. "Grab my hands, and I'll pull you out," he instructed. "I don't think that'll work," the blond said, shaking his head. "Just grab my hand, you baka!!" Zelgadis yelled. "Oh-kay, oh-kay, gee, crabby!" Gourry leaned over and reached out slowly to Zelgadis. Right as they were about to make contact, the inner tube flipped over, with Gourry's bottom half sticking out of the water, and his lower half underwater. As Lina, Zelgadis, and Amelia sweatdropped, the swordsman's legs began to kick frantically. "Um.Zelgadis?" Lina finally asked. "I think we should.do something." "I guess we should," he responded. Jumping in the water, the chimera began to wade over to where Gourry and the inner tube flailed. He grabbed hold of the tube and flipped it back over. Gourry gasped for air. Once he had gained his breath again, he exclaimed, "Thanks, Zelgadis!" "Don't mention it, Gourry."



**

Xelloss, dressed in a blue swimsuit, along with Filia, in a pink one, sat in front of the pool. The dragon, though they were at an indoor pool, insisted on wearing sunblock. "Everytime you go out into the sun, ultraviolet rays automatically go into your skin, just dying to cause wrinkles!" she exclaimed, burying herself in creamy sunscreen. As if you don't already have wrinkles, Xelloss said to himself. "Ahhh." Filia sighed, once her body had turned pale from all the sunscreen. "It's your turn." The mazoku gulped. Please, gods of sunblock, have pity on me. I know that you protect people who are actually in the sun, but I don't wanna wear you when I'm inside, he pleaded. Suddenly, he felt a blob plop onto his skin. He looked at his shoulder to see a clump of whitish mass that Filia was rubbing around. Eww.



**



"Oh-kay, Lina, you hang onto Gourry's arms while I pull off the float," Zelgadis said. "Right," Lina replied, grabbing Gourry around the waist. "You guys," Gourry interrupted, "I don't think this is a good idea." "Shut up, Gourry. If you wanna get out of this thing, keep your opinions in the trash!" Lina exclaimed, harshly. The swordsman sighed, as Zelgadis began to yank at the inner tube stuck around his waist. "Lina." the chimera gritted through his teeth. "Pull!" Lina yanked on her end, leaving Gourry in a painful predicament. The blond waited for the inevitable. Zelgadis and Lina pulled and pulled, until their muscles felt achy. They let go at the exact same time, and Gourry fell back into the pool. "Oops!" Lina cried, rolling her eyes.



**



"Now that we've both got our bathing suits and sunblock, let's go for a nice dip in the pool, hmm?" Filia offered. Xelloss shook his head, angrily. I can't swim in this body! She knows that! "Not to worry, namagomi-chan," she said, calmly. "I have these." She produced a pair of neon orange water wings. The baby priest stared at the two. They look like orange marshmallows. Are they supposed to be for my neck? The priestess began the extremely difficult task of sliding the floatation wings onto Xelloss' arms. She had no trouble getting them over the hands, but the elbows were a different story. "Urgh." she grunted, pushing with all her might. Ow, the chibi monster privately said, once the first of the wings was on.



**



"All right, here's my next plan," Zelgadis said to the group. "First, we pour hand soap around the tube, so it'll be slippery. Then, we pull Gourry out. How's that?" "Mr. Zelgadis, I don't mean to be rude, but that won't work," Amelia said, speaking up for the first time in awhile. "Why not?" he asked, defensively. "Because none of your plans work!" she exclaimed. "Fine, if you think you're so smart, what's your plan?" the chimera demanded. Amelia gracefully stepped forward. "Part one, we deflate the tube." She pulled out the stopper to let out the air from the inner tube, which immediately flattened and fell to the ground. "Part two, but no need! Why, all the work is completed, Mr. Zelgadis."

Zelgadis glared at her. "Let's just go before chaos ensues."



**



Filia had much more trouble with the second water wing that she tried desperately to shove onto Xelloss' upper arm. I feel like I'm having my blood pressure taken, Xelloss said to himself. Ow. Ow. OW!!! "WAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!" "Oh, no, namagomi-chan, don't cry!! It's oh-kay," the Ryuzoku said, comfortingly. She kept jerking at the float, while trying to calm the wailing monster- baby. Finally, after much effort and pain, both of the neon water wings were in position. Filia sighed. "We're ready," she said, happily. My arms hurt, Xelloss whined mentally. The priestess picked him up and planted one of her feet in the cool waters of the pool. "Ooh!" she squealed, delightedly. "This feels nice." Once up to the waist, she dipped the baby's feet in the water. "You wanna get in?" she asked. Xelloss stared at her. I'm not going to answer that. Not for a baka dragon like her, he told himself, stubbornly. "Fine. I'll just take your silence as 'yes.'" And with that, she dropped him into the water, where he disappeared for a few moments, before bobbing back up, thanks to the water wings. Gah! I got water in my nose! the chibified mazoku exclaimed mentally, sniffling. "Oops!" Filia smiled. "Now, to teach you to swim." Oh brother. "First, you must learn to push your arms through the water," she instructed, demonstrating a front stroke with her arms only. I already know how to swim. "Then, you should try to see if you can float." She demonstrated this. I should push you under right now. "And, then you just kick your feet, and voila! You're swimming!" Filia cried, stretching out her arms. "Wanna try it?" Just as Xelloss was about to answer, an ear-splitting laugh erupted nearby. "OHOHOHOHOH!!" the black-clad serpent laughed. Nahga. Xelloss mused, nearly getting a nosebleed. "Beware, all you innocent-like people innocently standing by!" Nahga warned, clearing all the onlookers away. "Now, Xelloss, let's do this!!" I'm all for that! the mazoku cried out to himself. "Nahga-san?" Filia asked, picking up the dazed baby. "Hello there, Filia!" Nahga cried, enthusiastically. "I see you've met Xelloss!" "Unfortunately." the priestess grumbled. "What are you two about to do?" "We're going to switch bodies," was the blatant answer.

This must be my lucky day. Xelloss ruminated, happily.

"Why would you want to do that?" Filia asked, a bit confused. "Well, it all started when I took some breast enlargement pills-" she began.



**



"-and the only way to correct the problem is for us to switch bodies. That way, I'll be able to stop myself from making enhancements to myself, and have a normal childhood!" Nahga concluded. "But." Filia scrunched her nose. "Wouldn't you grow up as Xelloss?" "Of course not!" the leather-clad sorceress exclaimed. "I'd grow up as me! I have it all figured out, trust me!" "How are you going to do this.exactly?" "Well, you see I have this spell, and it switches two people's ages," she explained. "All I have to do is cast the spell, and my troubles will be over!" And so will mine! Xelloss smiled. "Oh-kay, sounds logical to me." Filia said, uneasily. "Oh-kay. Let's start right away." Nahga closed her eyes. "Fire in the deepest, water in the lowest, bodies of centuries past!" Xelloss and Nahga felt their bodies tingling. "Grant us the switch, grant us your power!" "NAHGA STOP!!!!" Lina yelled, coming onto the scene, along with Amelia, Zelgadis, and Gourry. It was too late. "SWITCH NOW!!!" the white serpent yelled. Xelloss felt himself sucked out of his body. He could see nothing, only shapes that looked like blobs. He saw an opening in one of them nearby and slid himself into it. On his way in, something else went out past him. Then, everything was black for a few minutes.



**



Nahga looked around. "YES!! YES!! Wait.no!!! WHAT HAPPENED???" she cried, finding herself in the same body she had been in. "WHY ME???" "Well, it serves you right," Lina said, scornfully. "WAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" something cried beside her. Lina looked down, and a grin slowly started to take over her face. "Zelgadis??" The poor chimera had been taken over by the spell and changed into a baby. Why me?? he cried to himself. "Aw, don't cry, Baby!" Gourry exclaimed, picking him up. "There, there. Everything's oh-kay." "Aw, Baby Mr. Zelgadis!!" Amelia squeaked. "Waitaminute! What happened to Mr. Xelloss?" "Oh, Filia, I love it when you hold me so close." "EWW!!! NAMAGOMI!!!!!" After the age switch of Xelloss and Zelgadis, Filia failed to notice the she was still tightly clinging to the former, until he spoke up, at which point, she promptly pushed him away from her and into the pool. The monster resurfaced, spitting out water. "I like your bathing suit!" The dragon turned bright red and immediately searched for a towel or a robe or anything to cover herself with. Xelloss hopped out of the pool, already dry for some odd reason, and looked at Zelgadis, who was pouting. "Kawaii!!" he exclaimed, as Zelgadis shrunk away from him. "Lemme see, Gourry." The swordsman handed the tiny bundle to Xelloss, who pinched his cheek. Zelgadis suddenly had an idea. He smirked. "OUCH!! OW! OW!! OW!!!! LET GO OF MY HAIR!!!!" the mazoku screamed, running around in circles. An eye for an eye, a pull for a pull. the chimera mused. "Well, we can't say he didn't deserve it." Lina sighed. Amelia sat in a lounge chair with some popcorn. "They do make a great show, Miss Lina." "Ooh! Popcorn!!" Gourry exclaimed, seizing the bowl. "Mr. Gourry! It is inJust to take things that don't belong to you and that popcorn is clearly not yours because I had to take it out of the bag and pop it and put it into the bowl and hide it from you so you wouldn't eat it and I only got one bite of it and it is not enough to satisfy my hunger!!" "Oops." Gourry said, looking at the empty bowl. Nahga sighed, softly. "Oh, well. I guess I could always work at a bar." She walked away. Xelloss, who was still screaming and trying to shake Zelgadis off, ran into Filia, who was bending over a chair, trying to get a towel. She shrieked in surprise and fell over into the pool. It was an odd sight to see Xelloss standing rigid, with baby Zelgadis hanging onto his hair, as Filia popped out of the water, followed by her tail, and transformed into a golden dragon. "I'm in trouble." Xelloss smiled. And with that, Filia chased him around the pool, Zelgadis still hanging out of his hair, as Lina, Gourry, and Amelia watched with a newly-popped bowl of popcorn.



**



Yes, I'm sorry, but I hafta end it here. I won't make any other chapters. Gomen. The next chapter is only a 'Nova-chan's gripings' list. Sorry if anyone didn't like the ending, but I really can't write another. I already have an idea for my next fic, and I've got that MST to work on.so don't expect miracles anytime soon. 3 Nova-chan ^.^

*Xelliss is a character from two or three of my other fics. Because Filia was shaky around him, Xelloss transformed himself into a paranoid girl who kept asking weird questions like, "Can polar bears kill you?" Just wanted people to know. ^_^