Conséquence-Alias, PG13-Vaughn

Peregrine

Alias is owned by ABC, Touchstone and is the creation of JJ Abrams and Bad Robot Productions.

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Chapter Four: Random Flight

Break my fall in vain
Pain won't go, rest in peace

Break Me Gently, lyrics by The Doves
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Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean

Consciousness pricks at me like a med tech who can't find a vein, nudging me closer to a reality I'm not ready to face. A melange of voices breaks through from the other side. Syd's softly bewildered words and her father's attempt to reassure her.

What's wrong with him?

I don't know.

But he never acts this way.

How well do you really know him?

I thought he was different….special.

I'm sorry.

All those things he said about his dad….he was so sad. I should have guessed….I should have seen this coming.

Nobody could predict this.

It doesn't matter. I should never have let him get involved.

Jack has no answer for that, and neither do I. She always blames herself, thinks that the world turns on her actions. I have to make her see how wrong she is. That she is not responsible for what I have become. As the entire warehouse sequence replays itself in my mind, I realize that a second chance won't matter. I don't take it back. I'm not sorry for what I almost did. If Irina crosses my path again, it will be the last thing she ever does.
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It sucked you in, it dragged you down
To where there is no hallowed ground

Dream On, Lyrics by Depeche Mode

I let my eyes flutter open and see that I'm on another military transport plane, propped against a pile of parachutes and crates. Syd and Jack are closer to the cockpit, heads bent together, oblivious to my sudden state of consciousness.

It buys me a few minutes, and I use the time to get the lay of the land. No shackles or restraints. No one standing guard over me. That didn't mean they trusted me, but it meant they didn't see me as a threat. A mistake? Maybe. I really don't know the man inside me. The thirst for revenge…..the call for a certain brand of justice….all foreign objects….rankling….a painful reminder of what I want to forget.

"Hey." I almost jump at the sound of her voice. Syd kneels down and touches my arm lightly. "You gave us a bit of a scare back there."

The understatement of the year. I search her dark eyes and find nothing but compassion and the shimmer of tears lurking at the edges. "What did they drug me with?" I ask, rubbing my eyes and sitting up, still slightly shaky from the effects of the dart.

That produces a faint smile as she sits back on her heels. "We're not sure. But it's not lethal….they never intended to kill you."

I closed my eyes, wanting to blot her out, erase all the memories. All the words about her mother. Crying on the pier. Her father's alleged betrayal as he tried to protect her by painting himself as the villain. I know why he did it. And the confession that I forced out of him. All of this is my fault. Where I am now. How I feel. My failure to end this the right way. "You may be right."

Jack hears us talking and joins the party. "Can I have a moment?" he asks tersely.

I smile tightly and watch Sydney's shapely backside as she moves back to the cockpit. "Sure."

"I have to file a report." Short and right to the point. I like that about Jack.

"I know." With a shrug, I get to my feet and stare through the porthole at a bank of cirrus clouds. Should I tell him that one is shaped like a gun? Or the one over there looks a lot like the battery we destroyed? If you wait long enough, you can see your whole life in a cloudscape.

"She got away." He manages to keep his voice down, but I hear the rancor lurking behind the cool exterior. "We almost had her."

"Not from where I was standing." I turn away from the window with the buttress of my folded arms protecting me. Erecting the walls of my fortress. Fortifying myself against the attack that was sure to come at any moment.

"You disobeyed orders." The mask slips just a bit and I shrink back slightly from the blazing inferno in his eyes.

"So?" I let him stew on that for a moment, knowing I was playing with fire. "You forced me into this, and that's what I'll tell them when they ask."

"You volunteered for this mission. And as her handler, you had a responsibility to follow this through." The gloves are off and I step out of range of his clenched fists.

Don't fuck with Jack Bristow.

Those were the first words out of Weiss's mouth when I transferred out to LA. The best advice he could ever give me.

Don't cross the line.

Was he ever right about that. Biggest mistake I ever made was getting emotionally attached to Sydney. It weakened me as an agent. Almost got her killed. I looked death in the face and liked what I saw. Death would have been far easier than living this lie.

Don't shit where you live.

My drunken Aunt Trish on one of the rare occasions when she made perfect sense. Red hair flying in her face as she dances around my enraged mother. Christmas morning. One too many eggnogs. Sneaking me drinks upstairs while the grownups party. Playing chess while she doles out advice between sips of her cocktail.

This flies through my mind as I stare back at him. A hundred things I could say. Discarded in favor of what I really think. "You sold me out."

"I can see why you'd think that."

He floors me with this answer and as usual, I'm at a loss for words. "Really. How's that?"

"It makes perfect sense. I threatened you with deadly force."

I nod absently. "And then there's the gun…."

"What are you talking about?"

"The Glock? It had a jammed firing pin." Amazing how calm I can be when I put my mind to it.

"I see." Jack shrugs and cracks his knuckles. For some reason, that unnerves me more than his earlier anger. "It was the best I could do."

"I'm sure." The conversation is ended by the announcement that we should prepare for landing.

"We'll talk later." Heavy and somber, weighted by the force of his hand on my shoulder. Pushing me into my proper place as he joins Sydney.

LAX. Only twelve minutes away. The rest of my life lies down there. My fate decided by a bunch of stiffs in suits. I sit back and enjoy my last few minutes as a free man.