Absence Of Fear Chapter 5 Second Chances

Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the characters. Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and to everyone who has reviewed this fic so far. The feedback has been very positive, and I'm glad you are all enjoying the story. Sorry this chapter has taken so long, hope it doesn't spoil the enjoyment. So here's chapter 5, enjoy!!! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time.... It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other" ( Leo F. Buscaglia ) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Dr Legaspi?" John looked straight at the female psychiatrist in shock and amazement. "Um....you're Dr Carter, correct?" she asked the man his name politely. "Yeh" he nodded, rubbing the back of his aching neck with his left hand. "What are you doing here, I thought you had left County for good?" "I heard about Kerry" she answered quietly, tears forming at the corners of her red, puffy eyes. Dark shadows encircled those bloodshot eyes, allowing John to quickly guess she had been crying her heart out over the horrible incident. "It's been all over the news" she explained, wiping away the tiny tear that trickled down her tanned cheeks and trying to put on a brave face. "They're still working on her in a trauma room" the male doctor told her as he led her towards the waiting area near reception. "How severe are her injuries?" Kim inquired as she sat down on the edge of a chair, desperate for news on Kerry's condition. "It's too early to say" he finally replied after a long pause of silence. "How severe?" she demanded to know. "Please tell me" "Dr Weaver's in a pretty bad condition at the moment" "Oh god" Kim shook her head in disbelief, raising her trembling hands to cover her mouth. "This...this can't be happening" "I know just how you feel" John comforted her by wrapping his arm lightly around her shoulders. "I know exactly how you feel" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Clear!" Robert yelled loudly as he lowered the paddles held tightly in his swaeting hands into contact with Kerry's chest. "Still in V-Fib!" Gallant informed the group worringly as he continued to watch over the monitors surrounding him. "Charge to 300, clear!" the male surgeon commanded as he continued to lead their desperate attempts to save the woman lying in front of them. Ever since he had strolled into the trauma room and caught sight of Weaver upon the gurney, he had been racked with an immense sense of guilt. Guilt for every cruel word he had spoken to her, guilt for discriminating her sexuality, guilt for acting so coldly towards her. But most of all, guilt for not protecting her. She was an employee, a colleague, a member of his staff. He hadn't prevented the brutal stabbing of Lucy and he certainly hadn't prevented this brutal attack. Even though he would never admit it, he did care about Kerry Weaver. He admired the way she challenged his authority, that she wouldn't allow herself to be pushed over by him. He couldn't just let her die. He wouldn't just let her die. "Charge again" he instructed Chuny. "Clear!" "Sinus tach" Susan smiled positively as she looked up at the monitor. "Check the pressure" Chen spoke as she quielty sighed in relief that their Chief was still alive. "Pulse ox 92, pressure is 90 systolic" Gallant replied. "Hook her up to a portable monitor, I'm taking her to the OR now" Robert began to manoveure the gurney out of the trauma room and through the ER. "Hang another unit on the rapid infuser, page Lizzie too" "We'll have the type specific blood sent upstairs" Susan assured him as a tall woman sprinted towards the moving gurney. "Kerry, oh god Kerry!" Kim screamed in horror as she reached over to touch Kerry's hand, walking beside the other two doctors as they approached the elevators. "Legaspi?" Robert sounded surprised as his eyes widened in shock at seeing the doctor he perviously fired from the hospital almost a year ago. "How could you allow this to happen?" she screamed angrily at him, grabbing his arm and leading him to the side as Susan and Chuny wheeled the unconcious Kerry onto the elevator. "You are supposed to ensure a safe workplace for your employees, how could you allow Kerry to get hurt?" "I didn't know this was going to happen!" Robert shook his head in defence, trying his best to control his temper. "Maybe if you weren't so busy firing your staff for no reason, you could spend time on improving safety!" "Listen Kim......" "No I will not listen!" she threw her hands in the air in a fit of anger and frustration. "For once in your life you will listen to me! If anything happens to Kerry, anything at all.....I'm holding you responsible" she warned the male surgeon before following John to the stairs. Robert stood still for a moment, contemplating the woman's fierce words. Never in his life had he stood back and allowed anyone to threaten him like such. Normally he would deliver his own form of revenge to remind the person in question exactly who was in charge. But a part of him did feel guilty for the awful shooting. Perhaps if he did stop for a minute to think of his employees safety, he could prevent such tragedies. Despite their daily arguments and clashes, Robert held a great amount of respect and admiration for Kerry Weaver. He wouldn't let fate cruelly snatch her life away like it did young Lucy Knight's. He was determined to save the female physician. At any cost. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Metz!" Donald shouted as he worked feverishly on controlling Abby's internal bleeding. "How is her pressure?" "Pressure's up to 80, pulse ox up to 92" David Babcock answered, hanging another unit of blood up on the rapid infuser. "Kidney is in tact" Dale Edson noted as he assisted Anspaugh. "Suction please" "Small exit wound to the pancreas, I need a 4-0 prolene on an r.b - 1 needle" "Run in another amp of epi" Dale instructed one of the surgical nurses beside him. "Give her another milligram of atrophine" "Okay I've repaired the liver and I'm now working on the pancreas" Donald muttered, sewing the hemorrage carefully. "We'll need to run the bowel again" Dale watched the other surgeon sew carefully. "It seems Miss Lockhart has been very fortunate, the bullet doesn't seem to have caused any massive injuries" Anspaugh sounded positive. "Should make a full recovery" Edson replied as he looked up to catch a glimpse of John watching the surgery from behind the OR doors. Watching and praying for his Abby to pull through. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Suction" Robert ordered as he continued to operate on the injured Kerry with the assistance of Elizabeth. "Large exit wound to the liver, I need a G.1 needle now" the English surgeon asked for the much needed equipment to be handed to her. "Angle potts, I need to cut down on the bleeding!" "How exactly did this happen?" Elizabeth asked, shaking her head in disbelief at the tragic situation. "God knows" Robert mumbled under his breath as he glanced over at Kerry's pale, emotionless face. "It doesn't make any sense" "Robert there's an exit wound to the colon. Bullet must have travelled down a vein" Elizabeth informed him loudly, breaking the surgeon out of his deep thoughts. "More lap pads then, we need to cut down on this massive blood loss" "Hang another unit on the rapid infuser" Elizabeth instructed as the monitors around Kerry suddenly began to bleep wildly, the peiercing noise echoing across the OR for all to hear. "BP's falling, 70/60!" Shirley yelled, keeping watch over the monitors surrounding her. "Dammit she could be throwing a major clot!" Robert cursed as he exchanged worried glances with the female surgeon standing opposite him. "Start a heparin drip and prep me for a thoracotomy, stat!" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ John tapped his foot against the concrete pavement as he inhaled the sweet nicotine of the cigarette he raised carefully towards his mouth. He had been sitting in the quiet ambulance bay for almost half an hour now, reflecting on the events of the past couple of hours. Reflecting on how he almost lost the woman he chersihed most in this world. The male doctor closed his eyes in anguishb as he raised his head and felt the tiny droplets of rain fall from the grey skies above onto his nose and eyelids. "Surely you realise it's raining?" a female voice chirped as he turned around to meet Susan's warm smile. "You'll catch your death out here" she laughed lightly, trying to remain upbeat "The flu is nothing compared to the physical pain Abby has to endure" he shook his head and ran a hand through his damp hair. "Will you listen to yourself?" the female medic exclaimed as she wrapped her arms tightly around her body in a bid to stay warm. "We all feel guilty for what has happened John, but we don't mope around feeling sorry for ourselves!" "I didn't ask for a lecture Susan" he snapped back angrily, throwing the cigarette to the ground in fury. "How can you possibly begin to understand how I'm feeling at the moment, I lo........" he suddenly stopped talking, tearing his eyes away from Susan and biting his lower lip. "You lover her" Susan finished, correctly guessing the words he couldn't manage to speak aloud. "Yes" he whispered, nodding his head in agreement. "I love her" "Then tell her. When she wakes up tell her how much you truly care about her" "I can't" John replied rather sadly, rubbing his aching forehead irritably with his freezing hand. "You can't or you're too frightened to?" Susan inquired, narrowing her eyes at the man sitting beside her. "She doesn't love me half as much as what I love her. I need Abby more than she'll ever need me. It's Luka she truly wants to be with, and I don't want to play the role of the substitute for him" he spat. "And where exactly does Luka fit into this situation?" "She only seeked my friendship when she experienced troubles in her relationship with Kovac. I poured my heart out to her one day but yet she still went home to Luka that night. But when they break up she then decides to ask me out, even though she spent the day making a fuss over his new relationship with Nicole. When her neighbour attacked her it was Luka she went to live with, but when I tried to reach out to her because of her drink addiction she turned me away. I'm nice to have around when troubles arise with Luka, but I'm not who she really wants to be with" "If you love her she deserves to know" the female doctor spoke quietly, shivering slightly from the icy rain that fell freely from the dark skies above. "You can't even begin to imagine how happy she makes me" he continued. "When I'm with her I feel complete, whole. When we argue or distant with one another I feel as though a part of me is missing. I can't imagine never loving her. I can't imagine life without her. I don't want to. Nearly losing her today made me realise just how much I need her" "If you can't see that it's you she wants John then you are blind" Susan simply stated as she stood up. "You nearly lost her once today, don't make the same mistake again" "What about us though?" Carter asked, finally looking the woman straight in the eye instead of staring at the concrete pavement below his feet. "There never was an us. And there never will be either. We both know we mistook feelings of friendship and companionship as something more. I care about you, but I can see now it's Abby you belong with" "Still friends though?" he flashed a friendly smile. "We always will be" she laughed, kissing him lightly on the forehead. "Providing you don't hand me any more cases of projectile vomiting" John laughed merrily as he watched Susan walk back towards the hospital entrance and out of his sight. As soon as she was out of view, his thoughts immediately turned back to a certain nurse. As he closed his eyes and pictured her precious face, Susan's voice echoed clearly in his mind. Tell her. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Pressure's down to 60, pulse ox 72!" Shirley shouted above the the sound of the bleeping monitors. "She's in tamponade, we need to crack the chest" Elizabeth stated as she poured a plentiful supply of Betadine over the patient's chest. "No carotid pulse" Kit informed as she proceeded to begin chest compressions on Kerry's small, lifeless body. "Push in another amp of epi" Robert instructed as he picked up the sternal saw from the tray beside him. "Go!" Elizabeth nodded as she finsihed making an incision down Weaver's chest. A wave of nausea passed over the English woman as she watched Robert perform the gruesome yet essential action. Watching the man carefully, she could clearly see how hard it was for him to control his emotions. This was a fellow doctor they were cutting open, a friend and collegue. She had only spoken to Kerry that very morning on the telephone, how could they now be opening her chest a few hours later? "Rib spreader!" "Start internal compressions" Robert motioned to Kit as Elizabeth inspected the chest. "We've definately got a few clots here" "Side-biting clamp" he ordered as he tried to suck out the life threatening blood clots. "Scalpel" "Pulse ox is 65 on 100 percent oxygen" Shirley shook her head worringly, fully knowing how grave a situation this was for Dr Weaver. "She's still not oxygenating" "Suction" Corday called for the piece of equipment. "V-Fib!" the nurse screamed in a panic, the monitors bleeping furiously around the team. "Internal paddles now" Robert bit down on his lower lip, trying to stay as calm and focused as possible. "Charge to 30, clear!" "Still in V-Fib" Elizabeth shook her head. "Another amp of epi" "100 of lidocaine, charge to 30. Clear!" "Nothing" "Pressure's down to 60!" Shirley informed. "Charge again" Robert looked straight up at Liz with tears in his eyes. The situation was just all too painfully familiar for the pair. "Clear!" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Dr Anspaugh!" John called out the surgeon's name as he quickly sprinted down the corridor to catch up with the man. "How is Abby?" "Very well" he answered, watching the younger doctor sigh with relief at his words. "It took a while to control the bleeding and her pancreas and liver was damaged, but she came out of surgery very well indeed" "That's......that's brilliant" John smiled happily, pleased and relieved to hear that his dear friend would recover. "Can I see her now?" "She's extubated in recovery at the moment" Donald pointed toward the large room. "She's very tired so try not to stay there for too long, she needs plenty of rest" "Thank you" he patted the surgeon lightly on the shoulder, taking a deep breath before heading in the direction of the room. Heading in the direction of Abby. It's now or never, he thought nervously. I have to tell her the truth. I have to. Donald watched the man enter the room before beginning his journey across the surgical floor towards the reception desk. "Excuse me" a quiet female voice called as the surgeon turned round to realise a small, dark haired woman was standing directly behind him. "Were you the doctor working on my daughter?" "Yes, and you are?" "Oh I'm sorry, I'm Maggie Wyzensci" she answered politely. "Abby Lockhart's mother" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Author's Notes: So how will Abby react when she discovers her mother has turned up? Will Kerry survive the latest setback in her surgery or will the actions of Robert and Elizabeth fail to save her? Will Carter finally tell Abby how he feels about her, how will she react? Will Kim live out her threat to Robert? If you want me to continue just say, all feedback and reviews greatly appreciated.