The King of the Forest
By. Charles Phipps
Disclaimer: This story is based on my fiction "The Wooing of Ozma" and is sort of a prequel though you don't need any knowledge of Oz to enjoy this fairy-tale. It's sort of fractured and dedicated to L. Frank Baum's "American Fairy Tales". I don't own Knooks, Ryls, or any of the other offhand references to his works (they're public domain) but I'm very grateful he made them.
Milo Starling was trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, kind, courteous, obedient, cheerful, brave, clean, and reverent but he was a terrible boy scout. It wasn't really Milo's fault for he was a boy touched by the faeries and that meant no matter how hard he tried, he was destined to be a magnet for trouble. The other scouts didn't much care for Milo even without the bizarre incidents that followed him like a swarm of insects. Milo, for all his attempts to be friendly, was viewed as a sissy for his constant over-packing for trips (you could not separate him from his umbrella) and he in the words of one young boy 'talked funny' for all his weird quotes from people that most had only heard of in Sunday School class. This was, all in all, a terrible burden for a boy who had only recently reached his tenth birthday and as everyone knows that's the last year before adolescence when things start to get complicated. Milo would have probably called it quits were it not for the Scoutmaster that he loved and the trips in nature that the boy dearly loved.
"Kumbaya milord....Kumbaya...." Milo hummed as he rocked back and forth in the passenger's side seat of the van that they were driving towards Camp Arrowhead for an entire weekend this summer.
Stephen Paine was the Scoutmaster hosting this event and Milo's closest friend though he was significantly older and he had achieved the mythical status of Eagle Scout. Milo himself was worried about winning the rank of tenderfoot and he had only achieved one patch thus far which I shant say but its the patch that everybody gets when they can't do anything else, you know the one. Usually Stephen was quite talkative in their trips but the entire drive he had been quiet as a church mouse.
"Sir, is there something wrong?" Milo finally got up the courage to ask as they approached the sign that marked the camp they were attending. They'd stopped for ice cream along the way and a few nice tourist spots, so everyone had probably beaten them to it by a half hour or so.
"No!" Stephen said just a bit more forcibly than any person who really had nothing wrong with them would say.
"Well pardon me for asking," Milo said as he leaned back and cupped his hands over his legs.
Stephen's face softened as he spoke his next words. "I'm sorry Milo. Things have just been really hard on me lately. It's even possible I might have to leave the Boy Scouts," Stephen said with a shake of his head.
"Good Heavens! Why?" Milo said before immediately stopping to pray for forgiveness for blasphemy. Milo was still stunned by the words though because there was absolutely no better boy scout in America as near as the young boy could tell. Furthermore, the young boy scout knew that the BSA were the most important thing in Stephen's life since his father died.
Stephen started to speak before shaking his head and saying only "I'll tell you when your older Milo,"
"Oh fiddlesticks," Milo said as he gazed out the window of the car to look upon the beautiful forest and lake of Camp Arrowhead. The boy had never particularly much cared for when adults would causally dismiss his questions about these sorts of things. He considered himself an intelligent person and how was he ever supposed to learn about these things if no one ever told him anything. Certainly he didn't think he was going to get any wiser as an adult because everyone who did stupid things he was certain started when they were older than he was now. The new boy scout wasn't precisely correct on this but he was closer to the truth than most would imagine.
The rest of the members of Troop 104 and its junior membership were gathered around the campsite which Milo thought was in a particularly lovely section of the woods. He had once asked his mother why he was so fond of being outdoors roughly about the same time that he became aware that it wasn't particularly normal to make friends with the household brownie, the trees in the front lawn, or the birds that flew through the region.
"That is because your grandfather on your father's side Milo was a Knook. A creature which you know well because I have not neglected your education in matters of the Otherworld. Furthermore you are not only a quarter-fairy for this but my great-grandfather was a Ryl and thus you are part fairy too much mathematics for your busy to do right now," Milo's mother Willamena had told him before smacking his hand away from the fresh brownies she'd made. For those of you who have not had a proper education in the matters of the Fair Folk I should tell you that Knooks and Ryls are in charge of caring for the birds and trees of the world, which they do quite well. They are not fairy-nobility and are quite common though good at hiding, which is why you've never heard of them likely, but a bit of magic in one's blood was something to be quite proud of.
In any case while Milo was quite fond of nature, it was not necessarily fond of him. Milo was quite pathologically afraid of any number of rare, insidious, and unpleasant illnesses that you are highly unlikely to find in the average Boy Scout camp. To that end after asking the trees where would be a good spot to set the entire van of gear he had bought, something that elicited no small amount of odd looks by his fellow scouts, he set to work pitching his tent. Unfortunately, his father in all good intention had purchased the boy a highly expensive Ultra-Protective, Ultra-Comfortable, Ultra-Difficult to set up tent which made sure that after an hour he had almost figured out which end the poles should stick into one another.
"Oh let me help you M," Stephen finally said, it was the older scouts mind never to embarrass boys by offering help when they wanted to do something themselves. However being helpful also meant you had to give aid when a person clearly wasn't capable of the task he had set out to do. Milo was incredibly grateful and they finished setting up the five-room thing in fifteen minutes. After that it was another fifteen minutes to move in the cooler, dinette set, inflatable bed, dresser, and various gizmos that neither scout had any idea the function of but which Mr. Starling had insisted were essential to the camping experience.
After that sordid business was finished it was time for the Scouts to gather round the bonfire and prepare for the night's activities. There was to be the usual storytelling, weenie roasts, and business that boys do on camping trips but Stephen had something especially interesting planned as a trick. The Snipe Hunt was a scout right of passage which for those of you unfamiliar with it, is the hunting for the Snipe. The Snipe is a mythical creature that exists in great abundance in any forest a scout or other boy camper is likely to find himself in and since no one had ever caught one to Stephen's knowledge, he was of the mind that it didn't exist. It would be a fun exercise for the young men and the Scoutmaster was certain that everyone would have a good laugh when they discovered the truth of the joke. Unfortunately, as usual Milo had his objections.
"Are you sure we can't make those graham cracker chocolate things rather than prey on defenseless forest creatures?" Milo raised his objection to the act in general.
Stephen shook his head, he loved Milo like a little brother but sometimes he was such an annoying goody-two-shoes. There is of course nothing wrong with being a goody-two-shoes unless your doing it to make other people feel inferior in which your really not that good are you? This hardly being the topic of the story, Stephen thought up an excuse to placate his caring young scout before the other scouts did something mean to him like hoist him up the flagpole again. "These are dangerous criminal Snipe Milo. Unless they're caught they will overpopulate and kill a significant portion of the local wildlife,"
"Oh. Well that's different I suppose," Milo nodded his head towards his Scoutmaster. This was a matter of law enforcement to the young scout now and proper preservation of innocent young lives of bunnies, chipmunks, and similar such things. Another thing you must understand about Milo Starling was extremely gullible, a side effect of being able to believe in anything. It's an aspect of personality that in some cultures is an admirable one because it shows a trusting heart but in this case it was going to get him into a great deal of trouble....as usual.
"Oh dear," Milo murmured as he took one of the very large sticks they were passing out for the conking of Snipe. Each Scout took one along with a large empty sack to catch the creatures with. After a few minutes of trying to find a group to go hunting Snipe with, Milo finally gave up and tossed away his stick to find a seat in the middle of the camp. He'd much rather conk any wayward dangerous snipe over the noggin with his umbrella that would more likely take the beast alive than a huge stick.
"No one to go with you again Milo?" Stephen said, shaking his head at the boy with a sigh. All the other boys had departed from the camp by this point and the place was left strangely serene but for their distant enthusiastic shouts. The large tall trees were looming over the pair like they were watching them in particular, an affect that unnerved Stephen.
"As usual," Milo murmured with a bitterness too young for his age. He imagined somewhere over the rainbow there was a place for people like him, someplace he had heard of once in a lullaby, someplace like Narnia. Frankly Milo would settle for Middle Earth at this point and that had an great deal of unpleasant creatures like orcs and Balrogs. Milo for all his faults was at least well-read, except for the Oz series but he intended to get around to eventually.
"Why don't we go together then?" Stephen suggested to the boy.
"Oh joy!" Milo said clapping his hands together before looking embarrassed. The man who envisioned himself as a future President of the United States, religious leader, or insurance salesman hadn't completely learned to cover up his excitement about spending time with the older scout on any excursion. Especially if it was going to be something like nabbing hardened wanted Snipe. Swinging his umbrella wildly, Milo made a grab at the sack to his side and went tromping through the forest.
Tromping through forests is an experience I suspect most of my readers have enjoyed and for those that haven't, I heartily recommend it. Stephen after about a half hour of moving from bush to bush with Milo looking for Snipe was starting to feel a little bit guilty about the trick that he had played on the Scouts. Since Stephen was of the sure mind that Snipe didn't exist, this meant all the effort of Troop 104 was going to be wasted and there would be nothing to show for it all. They were also entering a part of the woods that was unfamiliar to Stephen and while the scoutmaster wasn't worried about getting lost, he had stopped hearing the voices of the other Scouts and it was his responsibility to look out for them.
"Got one!" Milo shouted as he reached into one particular bush and grabbed his hand around his prize.
"What?" Stephen said, looking back at Milo with a blink.
"Behold one of the enemies we seek most noble Scoutmaster! The dreaded Snipe whose evil actions we have come to prevent," Milo said as he gestured to the creature that he pulled from the bushes, which was in fact species Fairy Snipecus. It rather resembled a squirrel the Snipe did but its coat was a starkly beautiful black and its tail was a rainbow colored set of fur stripes. To compare the dignified creature to a squirrel actually is rather insulting to the Snipe, much like comparing a unicorn to a horse, but it's the only animal I can think of to give you a proper mental picture.
"Unhand me you wretched Boy Scout!" The Snipe screamed at the top of his lungs which quite stunned Stephen who had never before heard animals talk in his life. You must understand that Snipe, if they have one natural enemy, is the young pre-adolescent boy on a camping trip. It is a peculiar phenomenon that adults oftentimes have more difficulty finding Fairy-creatures than children, in no small part because of an aggressive media campaign by the Fair Folk launched during the Renaissance that specifically targeted them. Children had never entirely fallen for this simple ruse, being somewhat wilier than adults in the ways of the unnatural and thus could often see through the tricks Snipe used. Boy Scouts in particular were the most hated of Snipe hunters because their woodsy experience made them doubly good at catching the small furry creatures.
"I think not! I can promise you that in these here fair United States of America that you will receive due process and fair trial but being a Boy Scout I make this not-entirely police, not entirely citizen's arrest, upon you for a number of crimes I am not entirely familiar with but seem to be threatening the local wildlife in nature due to overpopulation and other...err things," Milo said the speech he had prepared but had not entirely finished for his capture of the animal.
"Milo...." Stephen plopped down on the ground in amazement as he could not muster any particular words to deal with the situation. He wondered if he had perhaps eaten a bag of bad marshmallows or whether or not he'd dozed off during his trip with Milo. The latter seemed rather unlikely given he hadn't been tired and wasn't in the habit of falling asleep in the middle of a good hike.
"Endangering local wildlife? Overpopulation? These charges are completely without merit! In fact if anyone is guilty of these crimes I say it is you humans and in fact you boy scouts in particular!" The Snipe unfortunately was one of those rare speciest fairy-creatures. Specism is a plague on good animal/human/fairy relations and responsible for all the occasional talk about dragons attacking maidens which of course just leads to more specism as everyone makes bad assumptions about all the dragons who don't eat maidens because of it.
"Now see here!" Milo was scandalized by the accusation even as he noticed that for some reason his Scoutmaster looked like he was watching on TV something completely shocking.
"HELP! HELP! GUARDS! SECURITY!" The Snipe ranted and raved into the air even as Milo did his best to ignore the man, obviously a criminal trying to escape just prosecution.
"I say Sir, are you alright?" Milo asked even as he was shocked to find a dozen one foot tall men wielding spears encircling him. Each of them were black as midnight and dressed in attire that was more than a little similar to Native American war dress. A few of the braves were even wielding tomahawks and arrows which made the younger of the boy scouts very nervous and the older terrified.
"AH! What are they?!" Stephen asked with a stunned look of disbelief. The older scout slid himself into the middle of the circle the tiny fairy warriors had formed around them and was struggling with what his conscious mind couldn't believe.
"Well if I had to make a half-informed guess then I would say they are Nunnehi. They are the 'Little people' of the tribal peoples who inhabited the areas around these parts, Camp Arrowhead for instance, before the people they sponsored were driven off by Europeans. Of course we having our own fairy-races to look after us, they were quite annoyed by their sudden unemployment," Milo rattled off some facts that he had read in one of the many stacks of fairy-books that he owned. As near as he could tell they were almost always wrong if what the brownie in his home said was true, which was debatable since even a fairy can't be expected to know everything about his people's history let alone be completely unbiased to what he does know.
"You! Boy Scout! Set down the Snipe!" The Nunnehi chief said in a bit of broken English. He was a few thousand years old this chief but he much preferred speaking in his people's native tongue than the language the Scouts who visited Arrowhead every Summer spoke. It was a personal preference that he argued would prove justified when somebody came in and kicked the current English speakers out in just a few hundred years.
"Well as much as I hate to admit defeat, we are in a bit of a tight spot," Milo set down gently the Snipe and raised his hands in the air. Stephen who was calming down a bit, imitated Milo and they were promptly tied up by the Nunnehi warriors using unbreakable enchanted rope and lifted up by a few of them working together. Despite their size they were each as strong as a full sized man.
"You must see the King of Forest," the Nunnehi chief shouted as he waved his finger chidingly. The Nunnehi were the protectors of the forest of Camp Arrowhead and it was their job to keep the peace from incidents like this.
"Excellent! I intend to raise a hearty complaint against these two!" The Snipe, whose actual name is unpronounceable to humans but sounds much like Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk, hissed a bit through his buck teeth towards the Boy Scouts.
"We're going to see a King?" Stephen said as he finally began to deal with the situation around him, as unbelievable as it was.
"Yes I'm afraid so. How anachronistic is it really? I mean here we are living in the world's oldest Republic and there are still isolated patches of faeries which refuse to accept the wonders of democracy," Milo explained helpfully to Stephen. Try as he might to be worried about the situation, the tenderfoot was glad that someone else was finally there for one of his adventures. While Stephen had never actually flat out said he thought his friend was lying when he explained a few of the things he'd done, he did give the impression that he wasn't taking him seriously. Milo really hated that.
"What are they going to do to us?" Stephen asked Milo, feeling a bit chargined because he was supposed to be the one who knew these sort of things.
"I hope they chop you into little pieces!" Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk said as he grabbed the umbrella from Milo's hands and carried it in his tail. Ninety-Nine percent of a Snipe's strength lies in its tail you know so you should never grab them by them or they're likely to drag you on a merry chase through the forest before they wag you off, that and its appalling bad manners.
"Well they might do that," Milo said, wincing at the possibility.
The Nunnehi, the Snipe, and the two hogtied Boy Scouts moved deeper into the forests of Camp Arrowhead which of course were off-limits to humans usually. Contrary to popular misconception, the Fairy-Peoples of the Earth are neither in decline or in retreat and are just as numerous if not more so than they ever were. However, Fair Folk and the animals like them have intensely private natures and have made it their business to keep nearly every man and a few disagreeable animal species completely unaware of their existence. Thus the part of the forest where the King dwelled was hidden with spells, charms, extra-dimensional space, and a few signs that said this part of the forest was preserved for various nearly extinct woodchucks or some nonsense.
"Your Majesty! We have prisoners!" a small daytime flying spotted owl holding a spear said as the odd procession approached the Royal Gathering Place. His name was Lumpy and he was the royal announcer for his Royal Highness, the King of the Forest, Hopper the CXVII. As royal residences went the palace of the King Hopper wasn't really all that impressive being a exceptionally large set of trees tied together with rope bridges and a few underground passages but it served the purpose of the Forest Monarch nicely. King Hopper was currently holding court with a doe, two families of cardinals, and a bear that served as the king's official Jester.
"What the..." Stephen said rather impolitely for King Hopper was even more strange than the beings he had come into contact with already. King Hopper appeared for the most part to be a normal jack-rabbit, with an admittedly lustrous white pelt but otherwise unremarkable, that was blessed with a huge set of antlers.
"By Saint Peter's Whiskers, which is a compliment to him I might point out, that is a Jackalope!" Milo exclaimed even as he was set down with his scoutmaster on a tuft of grass in the middle of the court.
"What's that?" Stephen asked even as the court was astounded by the presence of these two mortals. It was breaking nine or ten different fairy-rules to bring humans to see the King.
"It's a jack rabbit with antlers of an antelope and lives a few centuries more. I swear Stephen did your mother not teach you anything?" Milo asked in a bit of disbelief, even if he didn't think faeries existed then he should at least have learned the myths for posterity's sake.
"Silence!" King Hopper said as he lifted one paw and nobly wrinkled his nose. All the animals in the court immediately fell silent as did the Nunnehi and the two boy scouts, so powerful were the words from the small figure. King Hopper proceeded then to beckon forth the Snipe to speak his complain against these mortals.
"Your Most Regal Antlerness, I was simply minding my own business collecting nuts for the winter. I intended, you see, to get extra storage for this year so I could prepare a diversified portfolio in a labor for food venture in order to appeal to lazy squirrels. Then one of these.....insipid young men grab my tail! I demand the utmost punishment for them my king!" Tsk-tsk-tsk hissed the last bit as spittle flew from his mouth. Aside from being highly economical creatures, Snipe can be quite vindictive.
"If you had been paying attention, then you wouldn't have been seen by the mortal. Humans, I must now ask you to give your story," The King of the Forest said as he began thumping one foot impatiently.
"Your Majesty..." Milo felt very uncomfortable addressing a monarch, especially since in the United States such a title was most certainly invalid. "As a duly sworn and loyal member of the Boy Scouts of America I must point out that I was entrusted with the knowledge that several dangerous Snipe were moving through the area. To protect the indigenous population I thus was hunting for the beings for capture and questioning," Milo chose his words carefully to avoid angering the powerful fairy creature. Though it was not said, he suspected that the Jackalope King was a powerful magician.
"And WHO pray tell told you this?" The Jackalope King said with a deep rumbling from his throat.
Milo winced slightly as he shifted uncomfortably in his bonds. He considered lying to the King of the Forest in hopes of protecting his friend the Scoutmaster but he didn't think that would particularly help the situation. Milo was about to speak when he was interrupted by the words of Stephen Paine himself.
"I did Your Majesty. I wanted to have the Scouts have a memorable tromp through the woods so I told them they were going on a Snipe hunt. Milo was reluctant so I said the Snipe were overpopulated and endangering other forest creatures. I had no idea that he would actually find one though. I'm sorry," Stephen said as he looked toward his friend, not wanting him to be hurt for his extremely stupid mistake.
"Stephen that was very....oh bother!" Milo said, shocked at his friends words. The younger of the scouts was very touched by his action though and he didn't want to scold someone of a higher rank than him.
"Hmmmmm. It seems that this is all a case of mistaken information. However it was a very dangerous thing to bring the mortals here Chief. For this we must examine these mortal's destinies to see if they have great deeds in the future to perform. If you do, then you shall be allowed to go free once you swear never to reveal this secret to those who would do us harm," The King of the Forest said in his wise and heavy tone.
"And if we don't?" Stephen dared to ask, despite the very real possibility that he wouldn't like the answer.
"Then you must stay in Fairy-Land forever," the King of the Forest said with deep dark eyes staring forth into the soul.
"Oh bother!" Milo said his thoughts on the matter quite eloquently.
"Great," Stephen murmured even as King Hopper beckoned forth the Court Soothsayer. The court soothsayer was a aged blind possum which of course is one of the wisest creature's in the land, provided it can avoid highways.
The possum, whose name was Blind Bleechy, hobbled on over using a staff he held in his tail as the old wizard began throwing his collection of trinkets on the ground. Being blind of course the Possum couldn't see anything of how they hit the ground but being a soothsayer it was always good to have some weird habits for people to believe your predictions.
Milo winced at the casting of the gumballs, string, pencils shavings, and keys as he came up with the best possible quote he could for not believing whatever the possum would say. Unfortunately he couldn't come up with any so he made one up that sounds suitably forceful "Trust not the works of diviners sire! They art wrong and inaccurate!"
"My vision tells me that the younger of the two humans has a great destiny and must be set free," Blind Bleechy said with a smack of his lips.
"Then again, even they may be right once in a while," Milo said with a bit of a cough to correct himself.
"You will marry a beautiful princess from Oz and be instrumental in saving that Fairy-land from destruction," Blind Bleechy said as he was rather surprised by this revelation. The Oz books are some of the most popular books in the Otherworld you must understand and it was a rare occasion to find anyone associated with the wonderful heroines of the Marvelous Land even if they weren't yet.
"Oz?" Milo said stunned by the news.
"Maybe they mean Australia," Stephen said helpfully, stunned by the rather curious pronouncement from the possum. Admittedly he was more stunned that was a possum was reading his fortune rather than the actual fortune itself, he'd always known Milo would make it good.
"I heartily protest this fortune! I would never marry into one of the antiquated autocratic institutions based off invalid divine right ideals. No offense intended Your Majesty," Milo stopped in mid-sentence as he remembered his manners.
"None taken," The King of the Forest said, finding this immensely amusing.
Ironically enough, it was Stephen who was looking at his close friend with a look that was more akin to horror that anything else. He was just about ready to accept that anything was possible and the thing that seemed most possible right now was Milo was going to cost them their freedom over some revolutionary rhetoric.
"I will marry a nice Republican girl as my father has suggested. Religious denomination not particularly important but recommended to be extremely close to my own. Furthermore I suspect that she shall be rather like that girl from the movie, the one about the....." Milo trailed off as he snapped his fingers a bit trying to remember. "Oh bother, I just saw it last week. It had a dog in it. Oh never mind."
"Yes please," Tsk-tsk-tsk said as he suddenly discovered that he no longer had a problem with humans. If this was the way they behaved to themselves and each other then trying to make their lives more miserable them was probably an exercise in futility. It's a good comfort to Snipes but sadly not to any human readers out there I suspect.
"And what of the older mortal's destiny?" King Hopper said, they would of course have to let the boy go. Oz was one of the most important of Fairy-lands and the King was a fan of the books which he would be very disappointed to see cease because the land had been destroyed. It wasn't as if he had much of a choice anyway, in some cases the future is already written so one might as well sit back and enjoy it.
"I cannot say. The forces of change are moving too swiftly around him. He will have to determine his own destiny," Blind Bleechy said with a resigned sigh. Resigned because he couldn't figure out how to read half the people's fortunes now days since everyone had become so keen on this whole free will thing. It was as if no one had any time for a really good destiny anymore.
Stephen didn't know what to particularly make of this situation but he was very aware that they were undoing the ropes that were tying him to Milo. With not a moment to spare the pair were hurried off once again into the huge mass of trees that was Camp Arrowhead. Try as they might, they couldn't find the Forest King's palace or any other entrance to the Otherworld. Well Milo could, it was as plain as the nose on his face, but he really didn't want to get Stephen into any more trouble than he had been.
On their way back to the campsite, Milo couldn't help but speak these next words to Stephen. "I can't thank you enough for your honesty back there Steven. Your courage was grand," Milo for some reason didn't feel like calling him Sir anymore. Their adventure had made them a little more closer to equals which was a big thing since Milo was going to be eleven in just a few days.
"Thanks Milo, you're the best scout I know. I'm going to petition them to make a Fairy Lore badge and give it you along with any other awards I can think of for all this," Stephen almost burst out laughing as he scratched the back of his head. The two men embraced as brothers and finally did make it back to the place their fellow BSA had gathered.
I wish I could say that the story ended there but unfortunately when they arrived, they discovered that the campground was filled with the parents of all the scouts involved in the trip. Even Milo's father was there, though his face did not hold any of the anger or condemnation that was filling the angry adults faces towards Stephen. Information had come out about the young man which the small community that Milo dealt in could not accept and the trip was being summarily called off. Stephen was in fact going to be forced to leave the Boy Scouts of America and though he was always to have the friendship of the Starling family, he was unwelcome among those he wished to be closest to.
Milo himself left not soon after the Boy Scouts and on his eleventh birthday made a silent wish that the faeries indeed heard. "Please take me to a place where a man's differences do not condemn him but exalt,"
But that is another story.
The End
If you wish to read more about Milo Starling and his arrival in Oz, please purchase a copy of THE WOOING OF OZMA. Available soon from 1stbooks Library.
By. Charles Phipps
Disclaimer: This story is based on my fiction "The Wooing of Ozma" and is sort of a prequel though you don't need any knowledge of Oz to enjoy this fairy-tale. It's sort of fractured and dedicated to L. Frank Baum's "American Fairy Tales". I don't own Knooks, Ryls, or any of the other offhand references to his works (they're public domain) but I'm very grateful he made them.
Milo Starling was trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, kind, courteous, obedient, cheerful, brave, clean, and reverent but he was a terrible boy scout. It wasn't really Milo's fault for he was a boy touched by the faeries and that meant no matter how hard he tried, he was destined to be a magnet for trouble. The other scouts didn't much care for Milo even without the bizarre incidents that followed him like a swarm of insects. Milo, for all his attempts to be friendly, was viewed as a sissy for his constant over-packing for trips (you could not separate him from his umbrella) and he in the words of one young boy 'talked funny' for all his weird quotes from people that most had only heard of in Sunday School class. This was, all in all, a terrible burden for a boy who had only recently reached his tenth birthday and as everyone knows that's the last year before adolescence when things start to get complicated. Milo would have probably called it quits were it not for the Scoutmaster that he loved and the trips in nature that the boy dearly loved.
"Kumbaya milord....Kumbaya...." Milo hummed as he rocked back and forth in the passenger's side seat of the van that they were driving towards Camp Arrowhead for an entire weekend this summer.
Stephen Paine was the Scoutmaster hosting this event and Milo's closest friend though he was significantly older and he had achieved the mythical status of Eagle Scout. Milo himself was worried about winning the rank of tenderfoot and he had only achieved one patch thus far which I shant say but its the patch that everybody gets when they can't do anything else, you know the one. Usually Stephen was quite talkative in their trips but the entire drive he had been quiet as a church mouse.
"Sir, is there something wrong?" Milo finally got up the courage to ask as they approached the sign that marked the camp they were attending. They'd stopped for ice cream along the way and a few nice tourist spots, so everyone had probably beaten them to it by a half hour or so.
"No!" Stephen said just a bit more forcibly than any person who really had nothing wrong with them would say.
"Well pardon me for asking," Milo said as he leaned back and cupped his hands over his legs.
Stephen's face softened as he spoke his next words. "I'm sorry Milo. Things have just been really hard on me lately. It's even possible I might have to leave the Boy Scouts," Stephen said with a shake of his head.
"Good Heavens! Why?" Milo said before immediately stopping to pray for forgiveness for blasphemy. Milo was still stunned by the words though because there was absolutely no better boy scout in America as near as the young boy could tell. Furthermore, the young boy scout knew that the BSA were the most important thing in Stephen's life since his father died.
Stephen started to speak before shaking his head and saying only "I'll tell you when your older Milo,"
"Oh fiddlesticks," Milo said as he gazed out the window of the car to look upon the beautiful forest and lake of Camp Arrowhead. The boy had never particularly much cared for when adults would causally dismiss his questions about these sorts of things. He considered himself an intelligent person and how was he ever supposed to learn about these things if no one ever told him anything. Certainly he didn't think he was going to get any wiser as an adult because everyone who did stupid things he was certain started when they were older than he was now. The new boy scout wasn't precisely correct on this but he was closer to the truth than most would imagine.
The rest of the members of Troop 104 and its junior membership were gathered around the campsite which Milo thought was in a particularly lovely section of the woods. He had once asked his mother why he was so fond of being outdoors roughly about the same time that he became aware that it wasn't particularly normal to make friends with the household brownie, the trees in the front lawn, or the birds that flew through the region.
"That is because your grandfather on your father's side Milo was a Knook. A creature which you know well because I have not neglected your education in matters of the Otherworld. Furthermore you are not only a quarter-fairy for this but my great-grandfather was a Ryl and thus you are part fairy too much mathematics for your busy to do right now," Milo's mother Willamena had told him before smacking his hand away from the fresh brownies she'd made. For those of you who have not had a proper education in the matters of the Fair Folk I should tell you that Knooks and Ryls are in charge of caring for the birds and trees of the world, which they do quite well. They are not fairy-nobility and are quite common though good at hiding, which is why you've never heard of them likely, but a bit of magic in one's blood was something to be quite proud of.
In any case while Milo was quite fond of nature, it was not necessarily fond of him. Milo was quite pathologically afraid of any number of rare, insidious, and unpleasant illnesses that you are highly unlikely to find in the average Boy Scout camp. To that end after asking the trees where would be a good spot to set the entire van of gear he had bought, something that elicited no small amount of odd looks by his fellow scouts, he set to work pitching his tent. Unfortunately, his father in all good intention had purchased the boy a highly expensive Ultra-Protective, Ultra-Comfortable, Ultra-Difficult to set up tent which made sure that after an hour he had almost figured out which end the poles should stick into one another.
"Oh let me help you M," Stephen finally said, it was the older scouts mind never to embarrass boys by offering help when they wanted to do something themselves. However being helpful also meant you had to give aid when a person clearly wasn't capable of the task he had set out to do. Milo was incredibly grateful and they finished setting up the five-room thing in fifteen minutes. After that it was another fifteen minutes to move in the cooler, dinette set, inflatable bed, dresser, and various gizmos that neither scout had any idea the function of but which Mr. Starling had insisted were essential to the camping experience.
After that sordid business was finished it was time for the Scouts to gather round the bonfire and prepare for the night's activities. There was to be the usual storytelling, weenie roasts, and business that boys do on camping trips but Stephen had something especially interesting planned as a trick. The Snipe Hunt was a scout right of passage which for those of you unfamiliar with it, is the hunting for the Snipe. The Snipe is a mythical creature that exists in great abundance in any forest a scout or other boy camper is likely to find himself in and since no one had ever caught one to Stephen's knowledge, he was of the mind that it didn't exist. It would be a fun exercise for the young men and the Scoutmaster was certain that everyone would have a good laugh when they discovered the truth of the joke. Unfortunately, as usual Milo had his objections.
"Are you sure we can't make those graham cracker chocolate things rather than prey on defenseless forest creatures?" Milo raised his objection to the act in general.
Stephen shook his head, he loved Milo like a little brother but sometimes he was such an annoying goody-two-shoes. There is of course nothing wrong with being a goody-two-shoes unless your doing it to make other people feel inferior in which your really not that good are you? This hardly being the topic of the story, Stephen thought up an excuse to placate his caring young scout before the other scouts did something mean to him like hoist him up the flagpole again. "These are dangerous criminal Snipe Milo. Unless they're caught they will overpopulate and kill a significant portion of the local wildlife,"
"Oh. Well that's different I suppose," Milo nodded his head towards his Scoutmaster. This was a matter of law enforcement to the young scout now and proper preservation of innocent young lives of bunnies, chipmunks, and similar such things. Another thing you must understand about Milo Starling was extremely gullible, a side effect of being able to believe in anything. It's an aspect of personality that in some cultures is an admirable one because it shows a trusting heart but in this case it was going to get him into a great deal of trouble....as usual.
"Oh dear," Milo murmured as he took one of the very large sticks they were passing out for the conking of Snipe. Each Scout took one along with a large empty sack to catch the creatures with. After a few minutes of trying to find a group to go hunting Snipe with, Milo finally gave up and tossed away his stick to find a seat in the middle of the camp. He'd much rather conk any wayward dangerous snipe over the noggin with his umbrella that would more likely take the beast alive than a huge stick.
"No one to go with you again Milo?" Stephen said, shaking his head at the boy with a sigh. All the other boys had departed from the camp by this point and the place was left strangely serene but for their distant enthusiastic shouts. The large tall trees were looming over the pair like they were watching them in particular, an affect that unnerved Stephen.
"As usual," Milo murmured with a bitterness too young for his age. He imagined somewhere over the rainbow there was a place for people like him, someplace he had heard of once in a lullaby, someplace like Narnia. Frankly Milo would settle for Middle Earth at this point and that had an great deal of unpleasant creatures like orcs and Balrogs. Milo for all his faults was at least well-read, except for the Oz series but he intended to get around to eventually.
"Why don't we go together then?" Stephen suggested to the boy.
"Oh joy!" Milo said clapping his hands together before looking embarrassed. The man who envisioned himself as a future President of the United States, religious leader, or insurance salesman hadn't completely learned to cover up his excitement about spending time with the older scout on any excursion. Especially if it was going to be something like nabbing hardened wanted Snipe. Swinging his umbrella wildly, Milo made a grab at the sack to his side and went tromping through the forest.
Tromping through forests is an experience I suspect most of my readers have enjoyed and for those that haven't, I heartily recommend it. Stephen after about a half hour of moving from bush to bush with Milo looking for Snipe was starting to feel a little bit guilty about the trick that he had played on the Scouts. Since Stephen was of the sure mind that Snipe didn't exist, this meant all the effort of Troop 104 was going to be wasted and there would be nothing to show for it all. They were also entering a part of the woods that was unfamiliar to Stephen and while the scoutmaster wasn't worried about getting lost, he had stopped hearing the voices of the other Scouts and it was his responsibility to look out for them.
"Got one!" Milo shouted as he reached into one particular bush and grabbed his hand around his prize.
"What?" Stephen said, looking back at Milo with a blink.
"Behold one of the enemies we seek most noble Scoutmaster! The dreaded Snipe whose evil actions we have come to prevent," Milo said as he gestured to the creature that he pulled from the bushes, which was in fact species Fairy Snipecus. It rather resembled a squirrel the Snipe did but its coat was a starkly beautiful black and its tail was a rainbow colored set of fur stripes. To compare the dignified creature to a squirrel actually is rather insulting to the Snipe, much like comparing a unicorn to a horse, but it's the only animal I can think of to give you a proper mental picture.
"Unhand me you wretched Boy Scout!" The Snipe screamed at the top of his lungs which quite stunned Stephen who had never before heard animals talk in his life. You must understand that Snipe, if they have one natural enemy, is the young pre-adolescent boy on a camping trip. It is a peculiar phenomenon that adults oftentimes have more difficulty finding Fairy-creatures than children, in no small part because of an aggressive media campaign by the Fair Folk launched during the Renaissance that specifically targeted them. Children had never entirely fallen for this simple ruse, being somewhat wilier than adults in the ways of the unnatural and thus could often see through the tricks Snipe used. Boy Scouts in particular were the most hated of Snipe hunters because their woodsy experience made them doubly good at catching the small furry creatures.
"I think not! I can promise you that in these here fair United States of America that you will receive due process and fair trial but being a Boy Scout I make this not-entirely police, not entirely citizen's arrest, upon you for a number of crimes I am not entirely familiar with but seem to be threatening the local wildlife in nature due to overpopulation and other...err things," Milo said the speech he had prepared but had not entirely finished for his capture of the animal.
"Milo...." Stephen plopped down on the ground in amazement as he could not muster any particular words to deal with the situation. He wondered if he had perhaps eaten a bag of bad marshmallows or whether or not he'd dozed off during his trip with Milo. The latter seemed rather unlikely given he hadn't been tired and wasn't in the habit of falling asleep in the middle of a good hike.
"Endangering local wildlife? Overpopulation? These charges are completely without merit! In fact if anyone is guilty of these crimes I say it is you humans and in fact you boy scouts in particular!" The Snipe unfortunately was one of those rare speciest fairy-creatures. Specism is a plague on good animal/human/fairy relations and responsible for all the occasional talk about dragons attacking maidens which of course just leads to more specism as everyone makes bad assumptions about all the dragons who don't eat maidens because of it.
"Now see here!" Milo was scandalized by the accusation even as he noticed that for some reason his Scoutmaster looked like he was watching on TV something completely shocking.
"HELP! HELP! GUARDS! SECURITY!" The Snipe ranted and raved into the air even as Milo did his best to ignore the man, obviously a criminal trying to escape just prosecution.
"I say Sir, are you alright?" Milo asked even as he was shocked to find a dozen one foot tall men wielding spears encircling him. Each of them were black as midnight and dressed in attire that was more than a little similar to Native American war dress. A few of the braves were even wielding tomahawks and arrows which made the younger of the boy scouts very nervous and the older terrified.
"AH! What are they?!" Stephen asked with a stunned look of disbelief. The older scout slid himself into the middle of the circle the tiny fairy warriors had formed around them and was struggling with what his conscious mind couldn't believe.
"Well if I had to make a half-informed guess then I would say they are Nunnehi. They are the 'Little people' of the tribal peoples who inhabited the areas around these parts, Camp Arrowhead for instance, before the people they sponsored were driven off by Europeans. Of course we having our own fairy-races to look after us, they were quite annoyed by their sudden unemployment," Milo rattled off some facts that he had read in one of the many stacks of fairy-books that he owned. As near as he could tell they were almost always wrong if what the brownie in his home said was true, which was debatable since even a fairy can't be expected to know everything about his people's history let alone be completely unbiased to what he does know.
"You! Boy Scout! Set down the Snipe!" The Nunnehi chief said in a bit of broken English. He was a few thousand years old this chief but he much preferred speaking in his people's native tongue than the language the Scouts who visited Arrowhead every Summer spoke. It was a personal preference that he argued would prove justified when somebody came in and kicked the current English speakers out in just a few hundred years.
"Well as much as I hate to admit defeat, we are in a bit of a tight spot," Milo set down gently the Snipe and raised his hands in the air. Stephen who was calming down a bit, imitated Milo and they were promptly tied up by the Nunnehi warriors using unbreakable enchanted rope and lifted up by a few of them working together. Despite their size they were each as strong as a full sized man.
"You must see the King of Forest," the Nunnehi chief shouted as he waved his finger chidingly. The Nunnehi were the protectors of the forest of Camp Arrowhead and it was their job to keep the peace from incidents like this.
"Excellent! I intend to raise a hearty complaint against these two!" The Snipe, whose actual name is unpronounceable to humans but sounds much like Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk, hissed a bit through his buck teeth towards the Boy Scouts.
"We're going to see a King?" Stephen said as he finally began to deal with the situation around him, as unbelievable as it was.
"Yes I'm afraid so. How anachronistic is it really? I mean here we are living in the world's oldest Republic and there are still isolated patches of faeries which refuse to accept the wonders of democracy," Milo explained helpfully to Stephen. Try as he might to be worried about the situation, the tenderfoot was glad that someone else was finally there for one of his adventures. While Stephen had never actually flat out said he thought his friend was lying when he explained a few of the things he'd done, he did give the impression that he wasn't taking him seriously. Milo really hated that.
"What are they going to do to us?" Stephen asked Milo, feeling a bit chargined because he was supposed to be the one who knew these sort of things.
"I hope they chop you into little pieces!" Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk said as he grabbed the umbrella from Milo's hands and carried it in his tail. Ninety-Nine percent of a Snipe's strength lies in its tail you know so you should never grab them by them or they're likely to drag you on a merry chase through the forest before they wag you off, that and its appalling bad manners.
"Well they might do that," Milo said, wincing at the possibility.
The Nunnehi, the Snipe, and the two hogtied Boy Scouts moved deeper into the forests of Camp Arrowhead which of course were off-limits to humans usually. Contrary to popular misconception, the Fairy-Peoples of the Earth are neither in decline or in retreat and are just as numerous if not more so than they ever were. However, Fair Folk and the animals like them have intensely private natures and have made it their business to keep nearly every man and a few disagreeable animal species completely unaware of their existence. Thus the part of the forest where the King dwelled was hidden with spells, charms, extra-dimensional space, and a few signs that said this part of the forest was preserved for various nearly extinct woodchucks or some nonsense.
"Your Majesty! We have prisoners!" a small daytime flying spotted owl holding a spear said as the odd procession approached the Royal Gathering Place. His name was Lumpy and he was the royal announcer for his Royal Highness, the King of the Forest, Hopper the CXVII. As royal residences went the palace of the King Hopper wasn't really all that impressive being a exceptionally large set of trees tied together with rope bridges and a few underground passages but it served the purpose of the Forest Monarch nicely. King Hopper was currently holding court with a doe, two families of cardinals, and a bear that served as the king's official Jester.
"What the..." Stephen said rather impolitely for King Hopper was even more strange than the beings he had come into contact with already. King Hopper appeared for the most part to be a normal jack-rabbit, with an admittedly lustrous white pelt but otherwise unremarkable, that was blessed with a huge set of antlers.
"By Saint Peter's Whiskers, which is a compliment to him I might point out, that is a Jackalope!" Milo exclaimed even as he was set down with his scoutmaster on a tuft of grass in the middle of the court.
"What's that?" Stephen asked even as the court was astounded by the presence of these two mortals. It was breaking nine or ten different fairy-rules to bring humans to see the King.
"It's a jack rabbit with antlers of an antelope and lives a few centuries more. I swear Stephen did your mother not teach you anything?" Milo asked in a bit of disbelief, even if he didn't think faeries existed then he should at least have learned the myths for posterity's sake.
"Silence!" King Hopper said as he lifted one paw and nobly wrinkled his nose. All the animals in the court immediately fell silent as did the Nunnehi and the two boy scouts, so powerful were the words from the small figure. King Hopper proceeded then to beckon forth the Snipe to speak his complain against these mortals.
"Your Most Regal Antlerness, I was simply minding my own business collecting nuts for the winter. I intended, you see, to get extra storage for this year so I could prepare a diversified portfolio in a labor for food venture in order to appeal to lazy squirrels. Then one of these.....insipid young men grab my tail! I demand the utmost punishment for them my king!" Tsk-tsk-tsk hissed the last bit as spittle flew from his mouth. Aside from being highly economical creatures, Snipe can be quite vindictive.
"If you had been paying attention, then you wouldn't have been seen by the mortal. Humans, I must now ask you to give your story," The King of the Forest said as he began thumping one foot impatiently.
"Your Majesty..." Milo felt very uncomfortable addressing a monarch, especially since in the United States such a title was most certainly invalid. "As a duly sworn and loyal member of the Boy Scouts of America I must point out that I was entrusted with the knowledge that several dangerous Snipe were moving through the area. To protect the indigenous population I thus was hunting for the beings for capture and questioning," Milo chose his words carefully to avoid angering the powerful fairy creature. Though it was not said, he suspected that the Jackalope King was a powerful magician.
"And WHO pray tell told you this?" The Jackalope King said with a deep rumbling from his throat.
Milo winced slightly as he shifted uncomfortably in his bonds. He considered lying to the King of the Forest in hopes of protecting his friend the Scoutmaster but he didn't think that would particularly help the situation. Milo was about to speak when he was interrupted by the words of Stephen Paine himself.
"I did Your Majesty. I wanted to have the Scouts have a memorable tromp through the woods so I told them they were going on a Snipe hunt. Milo was reluctant so I said the Snipe were overpopulated and endangering other forest creatures. I had no idea that he would actually find one though. I'm sorry," Stephen said as he looked toward his friend, not wanting him to be hurt for his extremely stupid mistake.
"Stephen that was very....oh bother!" Milo said, shocked at his friends words. The younger of the scouts was very touched by his action though and he didn't want to scold someone of a higher rank than him.
"Hmmmmm. It seems that this is all a case of mistaken information. However it was a very dangerous thing to bring the mortals here Chief. For this we must examine these mortal's destinies to see if they have great deeds in the future to perform. If you do, then you shall be allowed to go free once you swear never to reveal this secret to those who would do us harm," The King of the Forest said in his wise and heavy tone.
"And if we don't?" Stephen dared to ask, despite the very real possibility that he wouldn't like the answer.
"Then you must stay in Fairy-Land forever," the King of the Forest said with deep dark eyes staring forth into the soul.
"Oh bother!" Milo said his thoughts on the matter quite eloquently.
"Great," Stephen murmured even as King Hopper beckoned forth the Court Soothsayer. The court soothsayer was a aged blind possum which of course is one of the wisest creature's in the land, provided it can avoid highways.
The possum, whose name was Blind Bleechy, hobbled on over using a staff he held in his tail as the old wizard began throwing his collection of trinkets on the ground. Being blind of course the Possum couldn't see anything of how they hit the ground but being a soothsayer it was always good to have some weird habits for people to believe your predictions.
Milo winced at the casting of the gumballs, string, pencils shavings, and keys as he came up with the best possible quote he could for not believing whatever the possum would say. Unfortunately he couldn't come up with any so he made one up that sounds suitably forceful "Trust not the works of diviners sire! They art wrong and inaccurate!"
"My vision tells me that the younger of the two humans has a great destiny and must be set free," Blind Bleechy said with a smack of his lips.
"Then again, even they may be right once in a while," Milo said with a bit of a cough to correct himself.
"You will marry a beautiful princess from Oz and be instrumental in saving that Fairy-land from destruction," Blind Bleechy said as he was rather surprised by this revelation. The Oz books are some of the most popular books in the Otherworld you must understand and it was a rare occasion to find anyone associated with the wonderful heroines of the Marvelous Land even if they weren't yet.
"Oz?" Milo said stunned by the news.
"Maybe they mean Australia," Stephen said helpfully, stunned by the rather curious pronouncement from the possum. Admittedly he was more stunned that was a possum was reading his fortune rather than the actual fortune itself, he'd always known Milo would make it good.
"I heartily protest this fortune! I would never marry into one of the antiquated autocratic institutions based off invalid divine right ideals. No offense intended Your Majesty," Milo stopped in mid-sentence as he remembered his manners.
"None taken," The King of the Forest said, finding this immensely amusing.
Ironically enough, it was Stephen who was looking at his close friend with a look that was more akin to horror that anything else. He was just about ready to accept that anything was possible and the thing that seemed most possible right now was Milo was going to cost them their freedom over some revolutionary rhetoric.
"I will marry a nice Republican girl as my father has suggested. Religious denomination not particularly important but recommended to be extremely close to my own. Furthermore I suspect that she shall be rather like that girl from the movie, the one about the....." Milo trailed off as he snapped his fingers a bit trying to remember. "Oh bother, I just saw it last week. It had a dog in it. Oh never mind."
"Yes please," Tsk-tsk-tsk said as he suddenly discovered that he no longer had a problem with humans. If this was the way they behaved to themselves and each other then trying to make their lives more miserable them was probably an exercise in futility. It's a good comfort to Snipes but sadly not to any human readers out there I suspect.
"And what of the older mortal's destiny?" King Hopper said, they would of course have to let the boy go. Oz was one of the most important of Fairy-lands and the King was a fan of the books which he would be very disappointed to see cease because the land had been destroyed. It wasn't as if he had much of a choice anyway, in some cases the future is already written so one might as well sit back and enjoy it.
"I cannot say. The forces of change are moving too swiftly around him. He will have to determine his own destiny," Blind Bleechy said with a resigned sigh. Resigned because he couldn't figure out how to read half the people's fortunes now days since everyone had become so keen on this whole free will thing. It was as if no one had any time for a really good destiny anymore.
Stephen didn't know what to particularly make of this situation but he was very aware that they were undoing the ropes that were tying him to Milo. With not a moment to spare the pair were hurried off once again into the huge mass of trees that was Camp Arrowhead. Try as they might, they couldn't find the Forest King's palace or any other entrance to the Otherworld. Well Milo could, it was as plain as the nose on his face, but he really didn't want to get Stephen into any more trouble than he had been.
On their way back to the campsite, Milo couldn't help but speak these next words to Stephen. "I can't thank you enough for your honesty back there Steven. Your courage was grand," Milo for some reason didn't feel like calling him Sir anymore. Their adventure had made them a little more closer to equals which was a big thing since Milo was going to be eleven in just a few days.
"Thanks Milo, you're the best scout I know. I'm going to petition them to make a Fairy Lore badge and give it you along with any other awards I can think of for all this," Stephen almost burst out laughing as he scratched the back of his head. The two men embraced as brothers and finally did make it back to the place their fellow BSA had gathered.
I wish I could say that the story ended there but unfortunately when they arrived, they discovered that the campground was filled with the parents of all the scouts involved in the trip. Even Milo's father was there, though his face did not hold any of the anger or condemnation that was filling the angry adults faces towards Stephen. Information had come out about the young man which the small community that Milo dealt in could not accept and the trip was being summarily called off. Stephen was in fact going to be forced to leave the Boy Scouts of America and though he was always to have the friendship of the Starling family, he was unwelcome among those he wished to be closest to.
Milo himself left not soon after the Boy Scouts and on his eleventh birthday made a silent wish that the faeries indeed heard. "Please take me to a place where a man's differences do not condemn him but exalt,"
But that is another story.
The End
If you wish to read more about Milo Starling and his arrival in Oz, please purchase a copy of THE WOOING OF OZMA. Available soon from 1stbooks Library.
