THE PINK SHIRT FILES
Chapter Two: Do These Make Me Look Fat?
10:00 a.m.
The very next day, Quatre's lessons in manliness began. Duo, Trowa and Wufei had Quatre in the lounge room, and were talking to him about what may very well be the biggest step towards masculinity he had ever taken.
"The clothes have *got* to go." Wufei declared. His counterparts nodded in agreement.
"But guys," Quatre protested, "I like these clothes! They're my kind of style! Besides, with twenty-nine sisters running around, I have developed quite a good fashion sense."
"More like fashion NONsense!" Duo laughed. "Look, if you're going for the 1980's AD look, you're on the right track. But this is AC195! You look like variety of flower!" Quatre blushed.
"Look, if you want to become more masculine, you're going to have to follow all our instructions without question." The Shenlong pilot said. "After all, us macho men know what's best!" At that, he, Duo and Trowa struck a pose that looked like it was stolen from either the Ginyu Force or Charlie's Angels.
"Okay, okay." The little Arabian replied. "So what am I gonna wear?"
"You can wear my clothes!" Duo piped.
"Hm." Wufei said, ignoring him completely. "How about one of my gi's?"
"You can wear my clothes!" Duo said again.
"" Trowa replied to Wufei.
"I suppose you're right," came the answer, "it would probably look like a costume on an under-trained weakling like him. Especially walking down the street."
"Hey!" Quatre protested.
"You can wear my clothes!" The braided boy repeated.
"What about you, Trowa?" Wufei asked.
""
"What do you mean the only other outfits you have are clown suits and hotpants?!"
"^_^;"
"You can wear my clothes!" Duo quipped, standing in front of Quatre. The Sandrock pilot looked past him to Wufei.
"I guess we're out of ideas." He said solemnly. Duo screwed up his face.
"Hey, are you guys even listening to me?!" He said, rather peeved. Wufei sighed.
"Duo, when was the last time you washed your clothes?"
"Wa sh ed?" Came the confused reply. Everyone sweatdropped.
"?" [why don't we try Heero's wardrobe?]
Everyone grimaced.
"Do you think he'd let us?" The Sandrock pilot asked.
"Who says he has to know?" Duo asked, grinning mischievously.
10:23 a.m.
The Gundam pilots, minus Heero of course (who had wandered off to who knows where), crept down the hallway and approached the second door on the right. On the door, a piece of paper with Omae o Korosu!!' written on it was taped.
"There's no mistaking *his* room." Wufei thought aloud, as he softly knocked on the door. When there was no reply, he opened it a crack and peered in. There was no one inside. "Okay, the coast is clear!"
The group walked in, closeing the door behind them. Trowa immediately walked over to the wardrobe and began rummaging around in it, whilst Quatre pondered what would happen to him if Heero found them in his bedroom.
"We shouldn't be in here." He said nervously.
"Relax, Q-man!" Duo said, as he helped Trowa in his search for some decent attire. "He'll never even know we were here." When the two emerged from the wardrobe, they each held an article of clothing consisting of – that's right- a loose, army green tank top, and spandex shorts that looked like they had shrunk in the wash.
"Put these on!" The braided pilot said, as the clothes were tossed at their pupil. He gulped, before going into the adjoining bathroom to change.
"I hope these things fit." He said, as he started taking off his usual clothes.
"Oh, and don't forget," Wufei said from the other side of the door, "you can't wear underwear underneath those shorts."
"WHAT?!" Quatre shrieked.
"Wufei's right." Duo added. "Those things are so tight you can see the outline of your undies if you wear em."
"" [Pantylines aren't a good look. You're going commando style, pal.] Trowa commented.
"But but" The blonde whimpered, " they're so tight! And Heero's been wearing them without and if I wore them without gross!"
"Be a man, Quatre!" Wufei encouraged. Reluctantly, the little Arabian obliged.
10:40 a.m.
"?!" [What's taking you so long?!] Trowa yelled. It had been ten minutes, and Quatre still had not emerged form the bathroom.
"I think these things are a little tight." Came the reply.
"They're spandex, they're supposed to be like that!" Wufei snapped. "Now get out here!" Slowly, the doorknob to the bathroom turned. Quatre poked his head around the door and, urged on by his companions, walked out into the bedroom. He felt kind of proud of himself in his new attire, even if it was a little tight. After all- he was a *man* now!
"How do I look?" He asked his fellow pilots, hands on his hips. For a second, no one said anything- just looked at him with wide eyes. Then, Duo cracked up laughing, which triggered off the other two pilots. The three collapsed in a heap laughing, tears in their eyes, and pointing at their friend.
"What?" The confused blonde asked.
"Quatre you BWAHAHAHA!!!" Duo said, failing to complete his sentence because he was laughing so hard. Trowa tried desperately to contain himself, but every time he looked at Quatre, ended up howling with laughter even more. Even Wufei, the most serious of the group, took some time to regain his composure.
"Quatre," he giggled, pointing "I think you were right about those pants being a little tight on you."
The aforementioned pilot looked down at where Wufei was pointing, and realised what the other pilots were laughing at- apparently, he was a couple of sizes up from Heero. In other words, the pants were so tight on him, his ahem lumpy bits' were just about bulging out of the spandex.
Blushing furiously, Quatre turned around as to hide his shame, only to hear another roar of laughter from his friends as they laid eyes upon the biggest wedgie they'd ever seen in their entire lives.
"Kodak moment!" Duo shouted, wishing he had a camera. Blushing furiously, Quatre tried to run back into the bathroom, but tripped as he did so, landing right in the doorway- where a rather angry looking, spandex clad perfect soldier had been standing for the last few moments. The other pilots had been either too busy laughing or trying to hide to notice.
"What do you think you're doing?" Heero asked, or rather growled. His voice reached the ears of the other three pilots, who immediately stopped laughing and stood to attention. Quatre looked from Heero, to them, and back to Heero.
"I I was just they said" Quatre stuttered. Duo stifled a giggled, but was silenced by one of Heero's deathglares®.
"Out." The perfect soldier hissed. "We'll discuss this when you cover up a bit."
The four pilots were out like a flash, leaving Heero both angry and confused.
"Omae o korosu."
11:00a.m.
Quatre had immediately changed back into his normal clothes, and was now on his way to the local shopping centre with the other three boys. If they couldn't find any decent clothes at home, they'd have to go out and buy some- with Quatre's money, of course. The four piled into the car, Wufei in the passenger side front seat, Duo behind him, Quatre next to Duo and, despite Duo's pleas, Trowa in the driver's seat. They pulled out of the driveway, and started on their way.
"But he drives like an old lady!" The Shinigami complained from the back seat, as Trowa calmly drove at the set speed limit for the area.
"" [You're only saying that because I don't drive above a hundred and seventy k's per hour!] came the miffed reply. Duo grumbled to himself for a moment, but was soon sidetracked by Wufei's ponytail in front of him, which was swaying as the car went over a couple of bumps. Discretely, the wide-eyed warrior set to work upon it
11:35 a.m.
After finally managing to find a park, the group of pilots marched into the shopping centre and towards the clothes stores. Duo descended upon a clothes rack, and held up a black t-shirt.
"What about this?" He asked, as the rest of the group started looking through the selection.
"Are you kidding?" Wufei said, irritated (and not yet realising that *someone* had braided his hair in the car ^_~). "Quatre would look *much* better in something like this!" He produced a white, clingy shirt with a navy blue dragon design down the side.
"?!" [Have you men no sense of style?!] Trowa snapped back, holding up a yellow shirt with purple polka dots. Soon, a fully fledged argument broke out between the trio, and none of them noticed when Quatre picked up a dark blue shirt and a pair of jeans, and went up to the counter to purchase them.
"Excuse me!" A security officer said to the group, which was now brawling on the floor. They looked up.
"Uh sorry officer." Duo gacked from Wufei's headlock.
"" Trowa added apologetically, from under Duo and Wufei. Luckily for them, it was at that moment that Quatre walked out of the store. He apologised to the security officer, and gathered everyone up for the trek back to the car.
"So what did you end up buying, anyway?" Wufei asked. Quatre reached into his shopping bag, and proudly displayed the clothes he had picked out. Wufei was little disappointed that it was lacking some Chinese symbols, but still, nodded approvingly.
"Not bad for your first try!" Duo added.
"" [I still think the clown pants looked better]
12:30p.m.
The boys pulled up in the driveway, rather unnerved after listening to Duo's multiple renditions of This is the Song That Doesn't End' the entire way back, and Quatre went into his room to get changed.
"Do you think Heero's still here?" Duo asked as they waited for their counterpart in the lounge room.
"Probably." Wufei replied. "He's probably really pissed that Quatre stretched his clothes, too."
"He should be grateful we wanted to dress Quatre like him!" Came the reply. "After all, imitation's the best form of flattery!"
The other two pilots groaned, just as the suicide-prone pilot walked up to them.
"So, that's the story, is it?" He asked them. Duo gulped.
"Well, it was just that he needed some manly clothes, and, and-"
Heero put a hand up to silence him.
* * *
12:45p.m.
"How do I look?" Quatre asked as he walked into the lounge room, clad in his new outfit- only to find that his three mentors weren't there. Looking around, he thought he heard noises coming from Heero's bedroom. Though somewhat reluctant to enter it after what happened last time, he found that the door was half-open anyway, and decided to take a peek. Inside, the floor and furniture was covered with a plastic sheet, and Trowa, Duo and Wufei were busy with brushes and tins of light blue paint.
"What are you guys doing?" Quatre asked, bewildered.
"Heero said we have to paint his entire room as punishment for trespassing." Duo groaned, his arm feeling like it was going to fall off from all the painting he'd done.
"Oh" The Arabian replied, as he watched Trowa collapse unconscious on the floor from the fumes. "Well, have fun!" And with that, he skipped off to make himself a sandwich- all that shopping had made him hungry.
As the three convicted pilots continued with their chore, Wufei felt different for some odd reason. He ran a hand through his hair and grimaced.
"Since when do I have a braid in my MAXWELL!!"
_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~
~Hee hee, finished another (LONG) chapter ^_^ ! Now that our little blonde friend is good in the clothing dept., what will be his next challenge? Will Duo *ever* learn his lesson? And wouldn't Heero's bedroom look much better in fuchsia? Stay tuned! And don't forget to review! (Oh, and in case you're wondering, yeah I stole that "You look like a variety of flower!" line from DBZ ^_^; I just thought it was cute!)~
