Strive not to keep what you build from
falling. Rather, strive to keep Hope alive in the darkness.
Chapter 3: Inexorably Changing
Tomorrow, we would depart from this peaceful realm, heading into a perilous journey to which end we knew not. A journey to the heart of the evil, to Mordor where the shadows lie. Once Nienna advised me not to fear shadow, for its presence was brought about by light. "Wisdom is when you can see the light beyond the gloom of the shadow, for shadow is but a forgotten child of light," she said. But it was hard to heed her counsel when all I could see was a bleak future waiting for us, for all free people of Middle Earth. I was afraid. A terrible feeling that was unfamiliar for me when I still dwelt within the Blessed Land, where everything was well. I was afraid, because for the first time in my infinite life, I was not certain that light would overcome darkness. Who could tell that I can always choose light instead of luring that was lie inside of me? Perhaps, this was what it is to be the Children of Iluvatar, to face constant fight to choose the right path, without knowing what the result would be.
How heavy was the burden of the Firstborns! To be undying, unable to rest, bound to this Arda Marred where the war between good and evil was constantly raging. Even in their death, they must face their inner shadows. How cruel it was, to know that such battle would be eternal, that a triumph on a day would only bring the same or perhaps worse struggle for tomorrow. How easy it was, to give up and break under the pressure. Yet, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, as they could always redeem their deeds and grew wiser with the passing of the Time. Time, an inescapable friend and enemy to every creature beneath the sun. I smiled gloomily as I remembered Elrond's words, "I fear to fade." Undoubtedly, Time was his enemy.
Walking around the Last Homely House, I found him standing on a balcony. His eyes were gazing above to look for his father, his frequent habit ever since the darkness threatened the land again. I knew he felt guilty, although I didn't think he deserve the blame for the folly of Isildur. After all, he wasn't the Ringbearer. I did not mean to accuse him when I questioned him, I was merely curious. Curiosity kills the cat, I mused unintentionally.
"I used to fear I would lost everything once the Elven Rings faded. Yet, the lost I suffer now is worse."
I looked at him. He looked sad, but not entirely guilt-ridden. It was not his nature to do so, he was too wise to dwell in past mistake. Yet, the pain of regret stubbornly remained in his soul. He used to tell me that, if only he had forced Isildur to destroy the Ring, the dark creatures would have vanquished completely, and his beloved wife would not have to suffer.
"It was not your fault," I said comfortingly.
"I know." His tone was not convincing. He must rationally know it was not all his fault, but his conscience kept negating it.
"We cannot undo the past. We can only try to atone for it."
He simply nodded and looked above again solemnly, as if trying to communicate with his father. I let him be and sat on a bench near him. There were a lot to think of. Although, I did not doubt his sincerity, I truly doubted if Frodo, as innocent and naïve as he was, could carry out his duty well. If the greatest of Men, even Elves had failed, then what to expect from this young inexperienced Hobbit who had never travelled farther than the back of his home yard? And the rest of the Hobbits insisted on going with him! Had they known what awaited them, perhaps they wouldn't be so hasty to decide their participation in is unrealistic task. But even the wisest could not see all ends. Perhaps Fate was reminding us of the unseen power behind who seemed to be the weakest, and fragility of the ones we deemed to be unbreakable. Perhaps, failure was not as certain as I used to thought. Besides, he would not be alone. I would go with him, and helping as much as I could. My mind was preoccupied with the thought of tomorrow's journey, when Elrond suddenly spoke up again.
"This word of wisdom is indeed true, 'preservation is naught but illusion and I have been like a cliff on the beach, withstanding the waves of Time. Yet, I forget that sand is made out of rocks and nothing can defy the forces of nature."
I listened to his unoptimistic remark he made of himself. I wanted to object, but what he said was indeed true. It was bitter nevertheless. It was good for a man to be a rock against the stream, for his breath was short and he would soon find rest from his turmoil. Yet the immortals must face the relentless erosion and wearing away pieces by pieces, for they were timeless beings, but the world they were living in was regulated by years, hours, even seconds. Celebrimbor did find the way to prevent the decay of the ages, but his invention was dearly bought. For from his great accomplishment, the Dark Lord learned the surpassing art and forged for himself the One Ring, which bound another Rings to it. Whether it would be destroyed or remained exist, the consequences would be as grim. It pained me to think of it, so I focused back on Elrond.
"Being an chiselled cliff is never a shame, Elrond. I do not believe that every attempt to prevent damage is pointless, but it is true indeed that beneath the sun, all things must wear to an end at last."
"Why?"
I shrugged. "I know not, dear friend. The answer is inscrutable for everyone, save for Eru Himself."
He smiled ruefully. "My brother has used his choice well, to let go and live on and die when he is spent. I used to think that my strength would be eternally the same, but it doesn't. And now, as tiredness is taking over, I cannot do anything but watch as the course of Time wipes out everything I have been accomplishing."
"If they indeed fade, then perhaps all you strive is not worth pursuing. Gold does not rust, and diamond is forged by time."
"Then what is valuable? Is my entire struggle worthless?
"No, Elrond. Do not condemn your tendency to achieve, though you might mistake which is essentially valuable and which is not. Consider, that your longing, which resides in every Children of Iluvatar, the longing for perfection and infinity, is the longing to be godlike, to be like your Creator."
It took some time for him to digest my words, but I knew he understood it. His expression changed, more peaceful and wise. He smiled at me, now more positively. "Thank you, Mithrandir. You are called the wisest for good reason."
I laughed and replied," Now, Elrond, are you trying to make me vain?"
He laughed good-naturedly ere answered, "Vanity might be evil, but very gratifying."
"Nay, " I shook my head, "Nothing is more pleasing than a handful of Shire's best weed."
He shook his head, murmuring something like "bad-habit." I laughed ere heading toward the Last Homely House, after all I needed energy for tomorrow. I was glad to see his heart lightened and became more hopeful, for being idle with despair was foolish, no matter how dire the situation was. I too, felt more optimistic. Hope and faith, they were our only comfort for now, but nevertheless the only ones we needed. And I would hold on them as long as flame still burns and water flows.
( finished )
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The quotation above is taken from Stardust by greenleaf-legolas, which inspired me for this fic.
Thanks Nemis for beta reading!
