Wolfwood is one of the two people I affectionately call my "bishies". He's a good man under that whole "Thou shalt not kill, but I do anyway," thing. He even belongs to the most well-planned organization of hit-men (and -woman; don't forget Dominique), and he has an orphanage.

I was thinking about episode twenty-three, and the song "Youth of a Nation" came on the radio. And you can guess where the inspiration came from.

Eh, the first bit's about Wolfwood, and then he thinks of his precious orphans for a bit, then back to Mr. Priest for a few more lamentations.

I don't own Trigun or "Youth of a Nation," by POD. (Oh, god, there's a death factor in everything here…the Wolfie spoiler, Payable on Death, the song…augh!) I've included my nice, yummy, Wolfwood spoiler. I'm warning you, if you haven't seen episode 23, you better go back and find some other story. I do not want people telling me I've ruined it for them!

Thoughts Before the Cross

            I staggered into the church. How is it, in all my years of being God's servant, I had never actually made a confession?

*Last day of the rest of my life

I wish I woulda known

'Cause I'da kissed

My mama good-bye*

            I realized I didn't tell Milly good-bye. I just ran out, ordering her to wait for me to come back. She was going to be waiting an awful long time. I didn't even tell her I loved her. I hope she knew.

*Didn't tell her

That I loved her

How much I care

Thank my pops

For all the talks

All the wisdom

He shared*

            Why hadn't I understood Vash sooner? There must be a way in everything, to let everyone live, even if it isn't obvious at first.

            At least I saved him before Caine blew his brains out with a well place sniper shot. I knew it was coming, so I guarded him.

*I just did the same thing

That I always do

Every day the same routine

Before I skate off to school

But who knew this day

Wasn't like the rest

Instead of taking the test

I took two to the chest*

            Even though Vash was right, and I did let Chapel live, I wish I'd have killed him. Then I wouldn't have to leave everyone like this. I had left a trail of blood. I wondered if Vash had noticed it when I left him, after telling him where Knives was.

            "How do you know about Knives?"

            Oh, Vash, I know so many things that you'll never know.

*Call me blind

But I didn't see it coming

Everybody was running

But I couldn't hear nothing

Except gun blasts

It happened so fast

Didn't really know this kid

Was the bottom of the class*

            I also wondered if Milly even had some vague idea that I wouldn't be coming back to her. Last night was so perfect, even though it was much to short. All of my insecurities flew away for a few hours of passion. I'm sure hers did as well.

            And, what about Meryl? I never really felt anything for her as I did for Milly or Vash. She would probably spend her time trying to cheer Milly up, being the strong and loud leader, as usual.

*Maybe this kid

Was reaching out for love

Or maybe for a moment

He forgot who he was

Or maybe this kid

Just wanted to be hugged*

            I picked up my first gun at seven, and shot. I remember it being surprisingly easy to pull the trigger.

            It silenced my guardian, at least. He didn't care about me, made me forget that I was Nicholas D. Wolfwood. I never got any attention at all from him. He was, as Knives would have aptly put it, garbage.

*Whatever it was

I know it's because*

            I couldn't die. Not just because of Meryl, Vash, and Milly, but my orphans. I was out here making money for them! I needed to live, to support them. What kind of a person starts an orphanage, then dies while funding it?

            A rotten person, that's what. And that's what I was.

*We are, we are

The youth of a nation

We are, we are

The youth of a nation

Little Suzy, she was only twelve

She was given the world

With every chance to excel

She'd hear the boys

Hear the stories they tell

She might act kinda proper

But no respect for herself*

            I took them all. The abused, the unloved. Some, like Neil, I didn't want to take them. But, I just didn't want kids to grow up like I did, to grow up and be just like me.

            "Play with us, Mr. Wolfwood!"

*She finds love

In all the wrong places

The same situations

Just different faces

Been this way

Since her daddy left her

Too bad he never told her

She deserved much better*

            I wondered about all the children who weren't real orphans, but runaways, that I had taken in. I'd even found one girl whose parents were alive, but the life she was leading was horrible.

            Then, there were the head cases, the depressed ones, who worried me the most. They were the ones I really didn't want, though, I took anyway. They needed me, and I liked feeling needed.

*Little Johnny boy always

Played the fool

Broke all the rules

So you would think he was cool

He was never really

One of the guys

No matter how hard he tried

To hide the thought of suicide

It's kinda hard

When you ain't got no friends

He put his life to an end

They might remember him then

He crossed the line

And there's no turning back

Told the world how he felt

With the sound of a gad*

            Something I admired about Vash was his stance on suicide. He clearly didn't approve.

            There were so many times I considered it, but stopped, because Knives would have just tortured me posthumously. My soul would have been tortured. Besides, the big guy himself doesn't approve either.

            "Believers will be redeemed in the end."

            I stopped thinking about the orphans. They were making me feel guilty, worse than before. This hurt so badly.

*We are, we are

The youth of a nation

We are, we are

The youth of a nation

We are, we are

The youth of a nation

We are, we are

The youth of a nation*

            I'd be forgotten in a year or so. Just a face pushed back in the memories of those whom I loved and held in the highest respect.

            Another reason I really couldn't kill Vash, no matter what Knives wanted. I respected him too much. All my talk just veiled the fact that this may have been the closest thing to a family I'd ever had, or ever would have.

*Who's to blame

For the life tragedies claim

No matter what they say

It don't take away the pain*

            I needed my Eden, with the orphans, Meryl, Vash, and Milly. Oh, my Eden would be perfect just with Milly there, and no one else. I had never loved anyone so much in my life.

            All this time, I had been talking, confessing, and none of the words I said I could hear within me. I was playing it by ear.

*That I

Feel inside

I'm tired of all the lies

Don't nobody know why

It's the blind

Leading the blind*

            I lied so much, my sins so heavy. I never got to say all the things I wanted to. I needed more time.

*That's the way

That the story goes

If it makes sense

Somebody's gotta know

There's got to be

More to life than this

There's got to be

More to everything

I thought exists*

            "I did not want to die this way!" I yelled, heaving my last breaths.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't flame me if I messed up the words. I just put in what made sense. And, I didn't finish it, I know. But, it's just repeating the chorus a zillion times until the end.

Ecaep dna evol, Sunny.