Chapter Four
You hold no place for tears
Leave behind those frozen years
Come with me, and we'll go dreaming
No words, no talk, we'll go dreaming
No pain, no hurt, we'll go dreaming
- BT "Dreaming"
Jolix, the captain of the rebel ship the Predator, was particularly happy today. The jaunty Newfoundlander whistled a happy tune as he walked down the metal corridors to the Predator's construct.
One of his crewmembers, Zelazny, nodded at him as he helped Astral out of her terminal.
"Hey," The captain sat next to her, comfortably. "Did you see yer friend?" It had been two months since the amiable Danish girl had come aboard his ship, and he was very pleased with her process. At her pleading, only two months into her new life, he let her wander into the Matrix alone, under close supervision by Zelazny, their operator, to see her friend Inger.
When Jolix first came out of the Matrix, Morpheus had always taught Jolix that it was never a good idea to associate with people left behind in the Matrix, that it only led to heartbreak. But Jolix couldn't look at Astral worry about her friend without thinking back to the ones he left behind in the St. John's of the Matrix, that he used to stay up late watching through the scrolling green code, wistful, until he eventually learned that it was best to let go. He didn't see the harm in letting her go home for just a little while, just once.
"Yeah," She murmured, noncommittally.
"And?" Jolix prompted.
Astral rubbed at the back of her head, where mousy brown hair was growing quickly. "He's doing good. I suppose. He's happy. Sören.well I never liked Sören, but he's doesn't get as high as much as he used to.apparently he doesn't beat Inger up anymore. Which is good." She sighed. "Inger said that Sören said that he was going to quit just for him, because he loved him that much. 'Course, Inger could be lying. But as long as he's happy, you know?"
Jolix nodded.
"It was so hard not to tell him, you know?" Astral bit her lip, thoughtfully. "But I couldn't tell Inger, he couldn't accept it. It would just put him in danger. The boy can't even work a calculator. He doesn't believe in atoms. And he's afraid of germs." She smiled a sad, ghost of a smile. "I don't know how someone can be both, but he pulls it off."
Jolix smiled and put his arm around her. "I knows it's hard, me girl," He consoled. "But you'll get used to it. We's a resilient species, us, we always do. But I'm here fer you, y'know, if you ever wants ta talk."
Astral smiled up at him, her eyes full of hurt. "Thank you, Jolix."
"Anytime, me girl," He rubbed comforting circles on her back. "But fer now," He got to his feet and faced her. "Cheer up, we're gon' to be havin' a party. And you'll see yer bye. I know you'll like that."
Astral grinned at him, meaning it this time. "Thank you, Jolix."
--
Trinity walked into the Nebuchadnezzer's construct for the first time in two months and it felt great.
"Good of you to join us," Tank spoke up as he watched Switch and Apoc's advancements through the Matrix.
"It's good to be off probation," Trinity stepped towards where the other two way and waited for them to wake up. "And it'll be good to finally get off this damned ship for a few hours."
"I hear you," Tank grinned his huge, charming grin. Every so often, the Nebuchadnezzer would dock alongside their sister ship, the Predator, captained by one of Morpheus' former proteges, Jolix. For his part, Jolix always loved seeing his former captain and his friends on the Neb, and always hosted a kitchen party when the two docked together. Let it never be said that culture wasn't alive anymore, Jolix always found a way to bring a part of Before to Now.
"Where is everybody?" Trinity sat across from Switch's terminal.
"Cypher and Dozer are bottling moonshine to take with us. I think Neo was with them, but I don't think he's real comfortable around Cypher."
"And Mouse?"
Tank looked up at her. "I haven't seen Mouse in days."
--
Mouse's cabin was only a few doors down from Morpheus'. He had spent almost all of that day, and most of his two-month probation from the Matrix and recreation, in there thinking. Thinking about Astral, mostly, and what she had said. Then he would start to think about where he had come from, why everyone else was offered a red pill and blue pill, but he had always just sort of been there.
Before this whole thing had been brought to his attention, Mouse had fleeting thoughts of returning to the Matrix, mostly brought on by Cypher's grumbling. About returning to the ignorant bliss of whatever life he had led.
And now he realized that he didn't even know what sort of life that was.
It was killing him, slowly, the not knowing. Everyone else had a past, even if those pasts were forged- they were still there. Apoc often talked about his home in India, Switch about hers in Russia. Trinity had memories of the orphanage in Argentina, and even Neo still liked to simulate hockey games in the northern Canadian town where he had grown up, or the beaches of Australia where he had lived last. Even Tank and Dozer had Zion to fondly remember.
And Mouse.Mouse had the Neb, he supposed. He could remember a dark, metal, cold, distant.
The boy sighed and pulled his toque down, determinedly. He was going to ask, it was final. He was going to get over his inherent fear of the huge, black man, stop joking around with his cheeky grin and ask.
Mouse entered the uniform dark room on Morpheus' command. The captain was sitting up in the depression by the bed, as always, reading.
Ha. Books. Somehow Morpheus had a small collection of the few books that were left over from Before.
"What is it, Mouse?"
The boy didn't meet Morpheus' gaze as he shut the thick metal door behind him. "Um, Morpheus? Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, little one," The captain dutifully put aside his book and turned to face his charge.
Mouse leaned against the other wall and played with the fraying edges of his sweater. "Uh.I've been thinking.the last little while.and I was..I was sort of wondering." He cleared his throat and looked up at his mentor. Jesus, it had been so easy when he practiced it in his head, what was his problem now?
"What is it, Mouse?" Morpheus asked gently.
"I was.wondering." Mouse bit his lip a moment, before deciding to just blurt it out. "Where do I come from?"
Morpheus was taken aback a little. "Pardon?"
"Where do I come from?"
"Well you come from the Matrix, Mouse, just like the rest of us," The captain smiled, humoring him, and that enraged Mouse even more.
"No! In the Matrix, where do I come from?"
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean,"
"Dammit, why did everyone else get to choose but me?"
This silenced the big man. The silence hung in the room for a few moments, and Morpheus refused to meet the boy's determined gaze.
"I can't tell you that, Mouse. I want to, but I can't."
"What the fuck do you mean you can't?"
"Mouse," Morpheus said. "Do not swear at me,"
"Just tell me the truth, Morpheus! I need to know, it's killing me!" Mouse stared up at his surrogate father, now standing. "What makes me so different, why can't you tell me?"
"It would kill you to know the truth, Mouse,"
"You always said that we lived to pursue the truth!" Mouse shot back.
"Not this truth, Mouse!" Morpheus yelled back. Mouse stopped and stepped back. "It would hurt you to know this, and it would break my heart to see you hurt."
Mouse stared at the big man who had raised him, thinking about this, before anger overtook him again.
"Fuck you!" He swore at his surrogate father. "I fucking hate you! Just put me back in, then, there's no point in this, is there?"
"Mouse," Morpheus warned.
"Put me back! I hate you! I hate you!"
In all his hormonal teenaged fury, Mouse lashed out at the huge man towering over him with fists, futilely, screaming that he hated him.
When Morpheus had enough and his discipline failed him, he grabbed the frail boy by the shoulders and flung him onto the bed, grasping his shoulders there, he shook him.
"You listen to me, Mouse," Morpheus whispered. "I will never put you back in. I didn't give you a choice because you wouldn't have known better, and you are better off here. I know that you don't believe me, but you are. I will not tell you because you won't be able to handle it. You don't want to know what you had in the Matrix. And I will never, ever put you back in. Do you hear me?" He shook the boy again, and Mouse cringed.
Morpheus immediately released his hold and his anger faded quickly as he saw his young charge rub pathetically at his frail shoulder.
"I'm sorry," Morpheus apologized and left the room, quickly.
He passed Neo in the hall.
"Hey, have you seen-" Neo trailed off as Morpheus briskly walked past him, ignoring him.
After the three had been done loading plastic crates of moonshine into the small hover-shuttle they were using to cross into the Predator, Cypher and Dozer had sent Neo to get Mouse so they could be on their way.
Neo now paused outside the open door and looked inside, seeing Mouse still seated on the bunk, staring into nowhere.
"Hey. You alright?" He asked, sitting next to him. Now that Neo had made his first jump, even though he had failed, he felt more at ease with the rest of the crew.
"I'm.I'm okay. I guess." Mouse responded feebly. He looked up at Neo, eyes shining. "I asked him where I came from,"
Neo paused. The unasked question of Mouse's heritage was always there, but no one really dwelled on it. He had just always sort of been there.
"And?" Neo prompted.
"He wouldn't tell me. Said I couldn't handle it," Mouse made a sort of 'pfft' sound and crossed his arms. "I said I wanted to go back in, 'cause I do sorta, even if just to see what I had, you know?"
Neo shook his head. "Then I guess he was just trying to protect you. I wouldn't want to go back in."
"Why not?"
Neo shrugged. "Wasn't happy. I think partially 'cause I knew there was something bigger. I didn't get along very well with people, kind of antisocial. At least here I can talk to you and Tank. And Trinity."
"Maybe it wasn't like that though. Maybe I had something good. A nice home and stuff."
"Maybe you didn't. Maybe you were a crack baby, or paraplegic. Or maybe you were one of those Romanian orphan babies, who were left alone in their cribs and couldn't interact with people because their senses were deadened."
Mouse glanced at him. "I never thought of that."
Neo shrugged again. "I think he was just trying to protect you. He loves you, you know."
Mouse made another little 'pfft' sound. "He doesn't show it very often."
"You don't think so?"
"No! And I do everything to." Mouse kicked his feet. "You know the Lady in Red, I spent a lot of time on that.he didn't even like it. Said I was letting my hormones control me. You know there's another version of that, with a movie star guy. You don't hear anyone complaining about him!"
Neo sighed. "I know it's tough, what you're going through. It'll pass. I don't think it's even that important, I mean, you're here now and that's all that matters."
Mouse rubbed his face in his hands. "You don't know what it's like to not have a past,"
Neo shrugged. "You'd be surprised." He stood. "Come on. Everyone's waiting for us, let's go."
--
When Mouse entered the Predator's cozy communal area, Astral bounding up and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.
"I've missed you," She whispered.
"I've missed you too," He told her. "How have you been doing?"
"Fine, I guess," Astral let go, but still stood a little near to him. "Everyone's really nice here. I'm getting along really well with everyone. But I get homesick a lot."
It didn't seem like she wanted him to respond to that, so he didn't.
Jolix called everyone over to the counter, where he had a few containers set out.
"Got ye all a surprise," He said, opening the lit of one such container. "Sushi!"
"What?" Tank exclaimed as the rest of them murmured. "How the hell did you manage this?"
When the war first started to wage, before the oceans were depleted, large amounts of fish and wildlife were captured and kept, in manufactured environments. Now, there were still a few places in Zion where one could get a slice of beef, although it was often stringy and undernourished, or fish. Such places were rare, and things like sushi were a ridiculously expensive commodity.
Even though the race had tried their best to eradicate it, money still ruled in the Now, and only the lavishly rich could afford to be well fed.
"You just hafta know the right people, and how to charm 'em, me son," Jolix winked at Tank.
"Do you know how to eat sushi?" Astral asked Mouse suddenly, as Jolix doled out the sushi.
"No. Never had it,"
"Then I'll show you," Astral accepted a plate, and Mouse took the two offered bottles of moonshine, and they wandered over to a corner together.
"Okay, you got your soy sauce," Astral said in her delightful accent. "Now you put in some wasabi.not a whole lot, just the tiniest bit." Mouse followed her actions. "Then you dip a piece in, and eat it in one bite."
Mouse stuffed the little roll in and closed his eyes, sighing. Anything, really, was pleasure compared to his usual diet, but this was pure heaven.
"Good?" Astral asked when they were done.
"Oh yeah," Mouse said.
Astral grinned. "One day, God willing, I'll teach you how to eat shrimp Norwegian-like."
Mouse smiled. "And lobster Swedish-style?" Astral nodded. The boy's smile faded as he realized he had nothing to offer this wonderful girl by way of culture, so he took a swig from his bottle.
Astral followed suit, and ended up wincing and choking and spat it out. "Oh Jesus!" She cried. "That's horrible! This'll do the trick quite well."
Mouse grinned. "You just kinda have to throw it back. Don't let it hit your tongue. Or the walls of your throat for that matter." He took another swig, throwing his head back.
Astral followed his example and managed to get it down with minimal gagging. "Woo.it's my new favourite drink," she commented when she felt it hit her brain a few seconds later. "I, uh.went to see Inger today,"
"How is he?"
"He's fine but.he said.he said my family was looking for me. They had the cops out for me and.my sister came to Copenhagen and found where he was.looking for me." Mouse edged forward when he saw the look on Astral's face. "And I couldn't tell him the truth, couldn't tell them the truth." She looked at him. "I just miss them all so much sometimes." Without wanting it, she started to cry. She angrily wiped a few tears away and took another deep drink of Dozer's moonshine.
"Hey," Mouse put an arm around her, and she leaned into his chest. "I know it's tough. Everyone gets like this sometimes. But it'll be okay."
"It just feels like I don't have anyone anymore," She sobbed.
"You got me," Mouse said. He looked at her, and she looked at him, and they kissed, sweetly.
On the other side of the communal room, Neo and Trinity stood talking over their own bottles of moonshine.
"I grew up in Canada," Neo told her. "Northwest Territories. But then I got a scholarship for school in California. Ended up getting a job at an Australian company, and then you guys found me,"
"So you travelled a lot," Trinity said.
"Not really.just those three countries. And except for the local dialects, they're all so similar, it's frightening."
Trinity laughed, a little louder than she usually did. In fact, she didn't laugh much at all.
"What about you?" Neo asked.
"Me? I'm nobody. Grew up in an orphanage outside Buenos Aires, Argentina." Her eyes misted over a little, besides the glossiness they already had taken on due to the moonshine. "Far as I know, my mother was raped by her stepfather when she was eleven and out I came." She sighed.
"So I was never wanted. By anyone. Somehow got my hands on software and eventually came out of the hell the Matrix had deemed it fit to grant me with." She looked away. "And I'm still not wanted."
"Now that's not true-" Neo started, when Trinity leaned forward and grabbed him.
"You want to know something?" Trinity asked.
"What?"
"Tu eres todo para mi," She whispered, and giggled.
"Huh?" Neo asked.
"Do you want to dance?" She asked suddenly.
Seeing as how people in the real world tracked people in the Matrix by use of their own computers, Jolix had also figured out how to get access into those computers. And the culture of Before still lived in the Now- music, visual files, whatever.
A quick-paced, Latin-rock song was playing from the ship's comm system at that moment.
Mouse and Astral stood swaying on the other side of the room, neither really dancing. He ran his hands over her fuzzy scalp and sighed. "I miss your hair, too."
She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I feel so ugly without it,"
"You're not ugly. You're beautiful."
"Yeah."
"You are, Astral, to me anyway." He looked down at her. "I learned Danish, you know."
"Oh yeah?" She smiled and lifted her head, holding his gaze.
"De er mere vakker enn en solnedgang," he pronounced clumsily. Astral burst out laughing.
"What?" Mouse was mildly affronted.
"That's Norwegian," Astral explained. She smiled. "But I understood it. Denmark did own Norway at one point. Thank you, Mouse."
"I mean it, Astral."
Her only response was to kiss him full on the lips.
On the other side of the room, Trinity was resting her head on Neo's chest poignantly.
"You are wanted, you know," Neo whispered to her. "I couldn't do this without you."
Trinity didn't respond.
"Will you teach me Spanish?"
"Just upload it," Trinity said.
"I mean right now. Just a few words." He asked. Trinity looked up at him.
"Okay. Say this. Tu eres todo para mi," She repeated what she had said. "La luna, el sol, mi corazon,"
"Tu eres todo para mi," Neo said badly. "La luna, el sol, mi corazon."
Trinity smiled sadly. "Thank you."
"What does that mean?" Trinity had already put her head back down on his chest.
Mouse and Astral were going at it full force when they stopped, and stared into each other's eyes and saw the pain and doubt and fear there.
"Do you wanna go to my cabin?" Astral asked hurriedly. Mouse could only nod.
No one saw them leave.
Trinity suddenly looked up at Neo, and said to him. "Will you say something for me?"
"What?"
She whispered to him "Quiero hacer el amor con tigo,"
He repeated it, and her face lit up. She smiled, then it faded, and she broke their contact. "I'm sorry," Trinity said, turning to go.
"Wait, Trinity," But she was already gone, with no obvious intention for him to follow.
In the darkness of Astral's cabin, the two youngest crewmembers of their respective ships gave in to whatever force was moving them as they lovingly helped each other out of their heavy clothes.
"Is this your first time?" Astral asked, seriously. Mouse nodded, unable to speak. "It's mine, too," She smiled, and she looked beautiful. "I'm glad it's with you."
Away from the party, away from the action, Morpheus sat in the construct with Jolix and told him his problems.
"I think ye should tell 'im," Jolix, who had been there when Mouse was taken out, offered.
"I can't, I.I can't hurt him like that. I can't be the one to do that to him."
"Sounds like you're hurtin' 'im more not telling him, me son," Morpheus' former protégé said. "I think you owe it to him to tell him the truth. Before he finds out for himself."
Morpheus thought this over for a moment, then nodded. "I suppose you're right.but I still feel so horrible about it. I'll tell him when the time is right, when I'm comfortable with it. Not a moment earlier." He looked up at Jolix.
"Thank you."
"Anytimes, me son."
--
That night, wrapped up in the arms of a beautiful girl, in the darkness of a different cold, impersonal, metal ship, Mouse slept soundly and deeply, for the first time in weeks.
You hold no place for tears
Leave behind those frozen years
Come with me, and we'll go dreaming
No words, no talk, we'll go dreaming
No pain, no hurt, we'll go dreaming
- BT "Dreaming"
Jolix, the captain of the rebel ship the Predator, was particularly happy today. The jaunty Newfoundlander whistled a happy tune as he walked down the metal corridors to the Predator's construct.
One of his crewmembers, Zelazny, nodded at him as he helped Astral out of her terminal.
"Hey," The captain sat next to her, comfortably. "Did you see yer friend?" It had been two months since the amiable Danish girl had come aboard his ship, and he was very pleased with her process. At her pleading, only two months into her new life, he let her wander into the Matrix alone, under close supervision by Zelazny, their operator, to see her friend Inger.
When Jolix first came out of the Matrix, Morpheus had always taught Jolix that it was never a good idea to associate with people left behind in the Matrix, that it only led to heartbreak. But Jolix couldn't look at Astral worry about her friend without thinking back to the ones he left behind in the St. John's of the Matrix, that he used to stay up late watching through the scrolling green code, wistful, until he eventually learned that it was best to let go. He didn't see the harm in letting her go home for just a little while, just once.
"Yeah," She murmured, noncommittally.
"And?" Jolix prompted.
Astral rubbed at the back of her head, where mousy brown hair was growing quickly. "He's doing good. I suppose. He's happy. Sören.well I never liked Sören, but he's doesn't get as high as much as he used to.apparently he doesn't beat Inger up anymore. Which is good." She sighed. "Inger said that Sören said that he was going to quit just for him, because he loved him that much. 'Course, Inger could be lying. But as long as he's happy, you know?"
Jolix nodded.
"It was so hard not to tell him, you know?" Astral bit her lip, thoughtfully. "But I couldn't tell Inger, he couldn't accept it. It would just put him in danger. The boy can't even work a calculator. He doesn't believe in atoms. And he's afraid of germs." She smiled a sad, ghost of a smile. "I don't know how someone can be both, but he pulls it off."
Jolix smiled and put his arm around her. "I knows it's hard, me girl," He consoled. "But you'll get used to it. We's a resilient species, us, we always do. But I'm here fer you, y'know, if you ever wants ta talk."
Astral smiled up at him, her eyes full of hurt. "Thank you, Jolix."
"Anytime, me girl," He rubbed comforting circles on her back. "But fer now," He got to his feet and faced her. "Cheer up, we're gon' to be havin' a party. And you'll see yer bye. I know you'll like that."
Astral grinned at him, meaning it this time. "Thank you, Jolix."
--
Trinity walked into the Nebuchadnezzer's construct for the first time in two months and it felt great.
"Good of you to join us," Tank spoke up as he watched Switch and Apoc's advancements through the Matrix.
"It's good to be off probation," Trinity stepped towards where the other two way and waited for them to wake up. "And it'll be good to finally get off this damned ship for a few hours."
"I hear you," Tank grinned his huge, charming grin. Every so often, the Nebuchadnezzer would dock alongside their sister ship, the Predator, captained by one of Morpheus' former proteges, Jolix. For his part, Jolix always loved seeing his former captain and his friends on the Neb, and always hosted a kitchen party when the two docked together. Let it never be said that culture wasn't alive anymore, Jolix always found a way to bring a part of Before to Now.
"Where is everybody?" Trinity sat across from Switch's terminal.
"Cypher and Dozer are bottling moonshine to take with us. I think Neo was with them, but I don't think he's real comfortable around Cypher."
"And Mouse?"
Tank looked up at her. "I haven't seen Mouse in days."
--
Mouse's cabin was only a few doors down from Morpheus'. He had spent almost all of that day, and most of his two-month probation from the Matrix and recreation, in there thinking. Thinking about Astral, mostly, and what she had said. Then he would start to think about where he had come from, why everyone else was offered a red pill and blue pill, but he had always just sort of been there.
Before this whole thing had been brought to his attention, Mouse had fleeting thoughts of returning to the Matrix, mostly brought on by Cypher's grumbling. About returning to the ignorant bliss of whatever life he had led.
And now he realized that he didn't even know what sort of life that was.
It was killing him, slowly, the not knowing. Everyone else had a past, even if those pasts were forged- they were still there. Apoc often talked about his home in India, Switch about hers in Russia. Trinity had memories of the orphanage in Argentina, and even Neo still liked to simulate hockey games in the northern Canadian town where he had grown up, or the beaches of Australia where he had lived last. Even Tank and Dozer had Zion to fondly remember.
And Mouse.Mouse had the Neb, he supposed. He could remember a dark, metal, cold, distant.
The boy sighed and pulled his toque down, determinedly. He was going to ask, it was final. He was going to get over his inherent fear of the huge, black man, stop joking around with his cheeky grin and ask.
Mouse entered the uniform dark room on Morpheus' command. The captain was sitting up in the depression by the bed, as always, reading.
Ha. Books. Somehow Morpheus had a small collection of the few books that were left over from Before.
"What is it, Mouse?"
The boy didn't meet Morpheus' gaze as he shut the thick metal door behind him. "Um, Morpheus? Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, little one," The captain dutifully put aside his book and turned to face his charge.
Mouse leaned against the other wall and played with the fraying edges of his sweater. "Uh.I've been thinking.the last little while.and I was..I was sort of wondering." He cleared his throat and looked up at his mentor. Jesus, it had been so easy when he practiced it in his head, what was his problem now?
"What is it, Mouse?" Morpheus asked gently.
"I was.wondering." Mouse bit his lip a moment, before deciding to just blurt it out. "Where do I come from?"
Morpheus was taken aback a little. "Pardon?"
"Where do I come from?"
"Well you come from the Matrix, Mouse, just like the rest of us," The captain smiled, humoring him, and that enraged Mouse even more.
"No! In the Matrix, where do I come from?"
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean,"
"Dammit, why did everyone else get to choose but me?"
This silenced the big man. The silence hung in the room for a few moments, and Morpheus refused to meet the boy's determined gaze.
"I can't tell you that, Mouse. I want to, but I can't."
"What the fuck do you mean you can't?"
"Mouse," Morpheus said. "Do not swear at me,"
"Just tell me the truth, Morpheus! I need to know, it's killing me!" Mouse stared up at his surrogate father, now standing. "What makes me so different, why can't you tell me?"
"It would kill you to know the truth, Mouse,"
"You always said that we lived to pursue the truth!" Mouse shot back.
"Not this truth, Mouse!" Morpheus yelled back. Mouse stopped and stepped back. "It would hurt you to know this, and it would break my heart to see you hurt."
Mouse stared at the big man who had raised him, thinking about this, before anger overtook him again.
"Fuck you!" He swore at his surrogate father. "I fucking hate you! Just put me back in, then, there's no point in this, is there?"
"Mouse," Morpheus warned.
"Put me back! I hate you! I hate you!"
In all his hormonal teenaged fury, Mouse lashed out at the huge man towering over him with fists, futilely, screaming that he hated him.
When Morpheus had enough and his discipline failed him, he grabbed the frail boy by the shoulders and flung him onto the bed, grasping his shoulders there, he shook him.
"You listen to me, Mouse," Morpheus whispered. "I will never put you back in. I didn't give you a choice because you wouldn't have known better, and you are better off here. I know that you don't believe me, but you are. I will not tell you because you won't be able to handle it. You don't want to know what you had in the Matrix. And I will never, ever put you back in. Do you hear me?" He shook the boy again, and Mouse cringed.
Morpheus immediately released his hold and his anger faded quickly as he saw his young charge rub pathetically at his frail shoulder.
"I'm sorry," Morpheus apologized and left the room, quickly.
He passed Neo in the hall.
"Hey, have you seen-" Neo trailed off as Morpheus briskly walked past him, ignoring him.
After the three had been done loading plastic crates of moonshine into the small hover-shuttle they were using to cross into the Predator, Cypher and Dozer had sent Neo to get Mouse so they could be on their way.
Neo now paused outside the open door and looked inside, seeing Mouse still seated on the bunk, staring into nowhere.
"Hey. You alright?" He asked, sitting next to him. Now that Neo had made his first jump, even though he had failed, he felt more at ease with the rest of the crew.
"I'm.I'm okay. I guess." Mouse responded feebly. He looked up at Neo, eyes shining. "I asked him where I came from,"
Neo paused. The unasked question of Mouse's heritage was always there, but no one really dwelled on it. He had just always sort of been there.
"And?" Neo prompted.
"He wouldn't tell me. Said I couldn't handle it," Mouse made a sort of 'pfft' sound and crossed his arms. "I said I wanted to go back in, 'cause I do sorta, even if just to see what I had, you know?"
Neo shook his head. "Then I guess he was just trying to protect you. I wouldn't want to go back in."
"Why not?"
Neo shrugged. "Wasn't happy. I think partially 'cause I knew there was something bigger. I didn't get along very well with people, kind of antisocial. At least here I can talk to you and Tank. And Trinity."
"Maybe it wasn't like that though. Maybe I had something good. A nice home and stuff."
"Maybe you didn't. Maybe you were a crack baby, or paraplegic. Or maybe you were one of those Romanian orphan babies, who were left alone in their cribs and couldn't interact with people because their senses were deadened."
Mouse glanced at him. "I never thought of that."
Neo shrugged again. "I think he was just trying to protect you. He loves you, you know."
Mouse made another little 'pfft' sound. "He doesn't show it very often."
"You don't think so?"
"No! And I do everything to." Mouse kicked his feet. "You know the Lady in Red, I spent a lot of time on that.he didn't even like it. Said I was letting my hormones control me. You know there's another version of that, with a movie star guy. You don't hear anyone complaining about him!"
Neo sighed. "I know it's tough, what you're going through. It'll pass. I don't think it's even that important, I mean, you're here now and that's all that matters."
Mouse rubbed his face in his hands. "You don't know what it's like to not have a past,"
Neo shrugged. "You'd be surprised." He stood. "Come on. Everyone's waiting for us, let's go."
--
When Mouse entered the Predator's cozy communal area, Astral bounding up and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.
"I've missed you," She whispered.
"I've missed you too," He told her. "How have you been doing?"
"Fine, I guess," Astral let go, but still stood a little near to him. "Everyone's really nice here. I'm getting along really well with everyone. But I get homesick a lot."
It didn't seem like she wanted him to respond to that, so he didn't.
Jolix called everyone over to the counter, where he had a few containers set out.
"Got ye all a surprise," He said, opening the lit of one such container. "Sushi!"
"What?" Tank exclaimed as the rest of them murmured. "How the hell did you manage this?"
When the war first started to wage, before the oceans were depleted, large amounts of fish and wildlife were captured and kept, in manufactured environments. Now, there were still a few places in Zion where one could get a slice of beef, although it was often stringy and undernourished, or fish. Such places were rare, and things like sushi were a ridiculously expensive commodity.
Even though the race had tried their best to eradicate it, money still ruled in the Now, and only the lavishly rich could afford to be well fed.
"You just hafta know the right people, and how to charm 'em, me son," Jolix winked at Tank.
"Do you know how to eat sushi?" Astral asked Mouse suddenly, as Jolix doled out the sushi.
"No. Never had it,"
"Then I'll show you," Astral accepted a plate, and Mouse took the two offered bottles of moonshine, and they wandered over to a corner together.
"Okay, you got your soy sauce," Astral said in her delightful accent. "Now you put in some wasabi.not a whole lot, just the tiniest bit." Mouse followed her actions. "Then you dip a piece in, and eat it in one bite."
Mouse stuffed the little roll in and closed his eyes, sighing. Anything, really, was pleasure compared to his usual diet, but this was pure heaven.
"Good?" Astral asked when they were done.
"Oh yeah," Mouse said.
Astral grinned. "One day, God willing, I'll teach you how to eat shrimp Norwegian-like."
Mouse smiled. "And lobster Swedish-style?" Astral nodded. The boy's smile faded as he realized he had nothing to offer this wonderful girl by way of culture, so he took a swig from his bottle.
Astral followed suit, and ended up wincing and choking and spat it out. "Oh Jesus!" She cried. "That's horrible! This'll do the trick quite well."
Mouse grinned. "You just kinda have to throw it back. Don't let it hit your tongue. Or the walls of your throat for that matter." He took another swig, throwing his head back.
Astral followed his example and managed to get it down with minimal gagging. "Woo.it's my new favourite drink," she commented when she felt it hit her brain a few seconds later. "I, uh.went to see Inger today,"
"How is he?"
"He's fine but.he said.he said my family was looking for me. They had the cops out for me and.my sister came to Copenhagen and found where he was.looking for me." Mouse edged forward when he saw the look on Astral's face. "And I couldn't tell him the truth, couldn't tell them the truth." She looked at him. "I just miss them all so much sometimes." Without wanting it, she started to cry. She angrily wiped a few tears away and took another deep drink of Dozer's moonshine.
"Hey," Mouse put an arm around her, and she leaned into his chest. "I know it's tough. Everyone gets like this sometimes. But it'll be okay."
"It just feels like I don't have anyone anymore," She sobbed.
"You got me," Mouse said. He looked at her, and she looked at him, and they kissed, sweetly.
On the other side of the communal room, Neo and Trinity stood talking over their own bottles of moonshine.
"I grew up in Canada," Neo told her. "Northwest Territories. But then I got a scholarship for school in California. Ended up getting a job at an Australian company, and then you guys found me,"
"So you travelled a lot," Trinity said.
"Not really.just those three countries. And except for the local dialects, they're all so similar, it's frightening."
Trinity laughed, a little louder than she usually did. In fact, she didn't laugh much at all.
"What about you?" Neo asked.
"Me? I'm nobody. Grew up in an orphanage outside Buenos Aires, Argentina." Her eyes misted over a little, besides the glossiness they already had taken on due to the moonshine. "Far as I know, my mother was raped by her stepfather when she was eleven and out I came." She sighed.
"So I was never wanted. By anyone. Somehow got my hands on software and eventually came out of the hell the Matrix had deemed it fit to grant me with." She looked away. "And I'm still not wanted."
"Now that's not true-" Neo started, when Trinity leaned forward and grabbed him.
"You want to know something?" Trinity asked.
"What?"
"Tu eres todo para mi," She whispered, and giggled.
"Huh?" Neo asked.
"Do you want to dance?" She asked suddenly.
Seeing as how people in the real world tracked people in the Matrix by use of their own computers, Jolix had also figured out how to get access into those computers. And the culture of Before still lived in the Now- music, visual files, whatever.
A quick-paced, Latin-rock song was playing from the ship's comm system at that moment.
Mouse and Astral stood swaying on the other side of the room, neither really dancing. He ran his hands over her fuzzy scalp and sighed. "I miss your hair, too."
She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I feel so ugly without it,"
"You're not ugly. You're beautiful."
"Yeah."
"You are, Astral, to me anyway." He looked down at her. "I learned Danish, you know."
"Oh yeah?" She smiled and lifted her head, holding his gaze.
"De er mere vakker enn en solnedgang," he pronounced clumsily. Astral burst out laughing.
"What?" Mouse was mildly affronted.
"That's Norwegian," Astral explained. She smiled. "But I understood it. Denmark did own Norway at one point. Thank you, Mouse."
"I mean it, Astral."
Her only response was to kiss him full on the lips.
On the other side of the room, Trinity was resting her head on Neo's chest poignantly.
"You are wanted, you know," Neo whispered to her. "I couldn't do this without you."
Trinity didn't respond.
"Will you teach me Spanish?"
"Just upload it," Trinity said.
"I mean right now. Just a few words." He asked. Trinity looked up at him.
"Okay. Say this. Tu eres todo para mi," She repeated what she had said. "La luna, el sol, mi corazon,"
"Tu eres todo para mi," Neo said badly. "La luna, el sol, mi corazon."
Trinity smiled sadly. "Thank you."
"What does that mean?" Trinity had already put her head back down on his chest.
Mouse and Astral were going at it full force when they stopped, and stared into each other's eyes and saw the pain and doubt and fear there.
"Do you wanna go to my cabin?" Astral asked hurriedly. Mouse could only nod.
No one saw them leave.
Trinity suddenly looked up at Neo, and said to him. "Will you say something for me?"
"What?"
She whispered to him "Quiero hacer el amor con tigo,"
He repeated it, and her face lit up. She smiled, then it faded, and she broke their contact. "I'm sorry," Trinity said, turning to go.
"Wait, Trinity," But she was already gone, with no obvious intention for him to follow.
In the darkness of Astral's cabin, the two youngest crewmembers of their respective ships gave in to whatever force was moving them as they lovingly helped each other out of their heavy clothes.
"Is this your first time?" Astral asked, seriously. Mouse nodded, unable to speak. "It's mine, too," She smiled, and she looked beautiful. "I'm glad it's with you."
Away from the party, away from the action, Morpheus sat in the construct with Jolix and told him his problems.
"I think ye should tell 'im," Jolix, who had been there when Mouse was taken out, offered.
"I can't, I.I can't hurt him like that. I can't be the one to do that to him."
"Sounds like you're hurtin' 'im more not telling him, me son," Morpheus' former protégé said. "I think you owe it to him to tell him the truth. Before he finds out for himself."
Morpheus thought this over for a moment, then nodded. "I suppose you're right.but I still feel so horrible about it. I'll tell him when the time is right, when I'm comfortable with it. Not a moment earlier." He looked up at Jolix.
"Thank you."
"Anytimes, me son."
--
That night, wrapped up in the arms of a beautiful girl, in the darkness of a different cold, impersonal, metal ship, Mouse slept soundly and deeply, for the first time in weeks.
