4. Messages


He awoke suddenly, early the next morning, and for a moment he sat up and stared around stupidly and wondered where he was; then it came back to him, along with last night and everything that had happened therein. Magus lay back against Taban Ashtear's pillow and sighed deeply.

Why? his mind demanded, tone coming just short of hysterical. What is it about that boy?

He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. Rubbing a hand across weary eyes, he dismissed the whole matter for a while.

Glancing to his right, he saw Ayla curled up quite catlike on top of the covers, a contented smile on her face as she continued to slumber. Quietly he slipped out of bed, heading past Robo's deactivated form and tiptoeing carefully over the futon which held the sleeping Frog, before padding downstairs in his bare feet.

Lucca was already awake, a robe wrapped around her as she stood at the kitchen counter making tea; she gave a playful, appreciative whistle as he walked into the room clad only in a pair of loose pajama pants.

"Didn't know you were so built," she said, waggling her eyebrows as she looked up and down the lanky, muscled chest, crisscrossed with old scars even whiter than his skin from years of living on the battlefield. He made no response to the teasing; a moment later, Lucca handed him a cup of hot tea and raised one to her own lips as well, blowing on the surface.

"You're up awfully early," she remarked casually, walking over to sit down at the kitchen table.

Magus took an experimental sip of the tea. It wasn't quite hot enough to hurt. "I wake up when I wake up," he offered in quiet reply, leaning against the wall next to the back door. Lucca took a drink, and didn't speak for a moment.

"Crono is very sorry about what happened last night," she murmured as she lowered the cup from her mouth. "He didn't mean to cause you any pain."

"He didn't." Magus stared down into his tea. "He only asked a question."

"You know what I mean."

The sorcerer nodded slowly, and gave no further reply.

"Where is the boy this morning?" he said after a moment, taking another long sip. "I didn't see him upstairs. Did he sleep at his own house?"

"He's on the couch in the living room, actually." Lucca looked troubled as she set her cup down on the table. "He, um, didn't have the best night. He kinda cried himself to sleep... I just left him there for fear of waking him up."

The young inventor was silent for a moment. When it became apparent no explanation was forthcoming, Magus cocked his head slightly and examined her with his impassive gaze. "What happened?" came the murmured inquiry.

Lucca shrugged and, turning to face him, repeated the particulars of the conversation as best she remembered. When she finished, she was surprised to see him frowning ever so faintly.

"Is he awake yet?"

"Um, no," she said, flustered. "Why do you--"

But without waiting to hear the end of her question, he walked out of the kitchen.

As he left, she wondered softly to herself again, "Why do you care...?"

Care?

He felt a modicum of surprise at the thought.

...Do I really?

What a very remarkable thing.

* * *

Crono didn't want to get up. He wanted to lie there and sleep forever, and the rest of the world be damned.

Well, all right; that wasn't quite correct. He wanted to die, and the rest of the world be damned. It probably was anyway, with or without his help. After all, they had already faced Lavos once, and lost. If he hadn't saved everyone...

I saved them. They lived and I died and I saved them. Didn't they feel grateful for that at all? Why couldn't they have just left me...?!

He knew the answer to that already. They depended on him too much. But it hurt so badly; and to be betrayed in such a fashion by his closest companions... He didn't want to think about it. It wasn't their fault. They meant well; they thought they'd been doing the right thing.

But it hurt.

"Boy."

The Magus's voice drew him from his thoughts, and he opened his eyes to find the sorcerer standing over him, hair tousled, dressed in sleepwear. Crono didn't move or speak for a moment. As silence stretched between the pair, some part of his mind noted apathetically that those crimson eyes regarded him with an unusual intensity.

"What?" he asked dully.

There was quiet for a moment longer. When the sorcerer spoke, it was in a whisper; his voice did not seem altogether very different from the usual quiet, dead tone, and yet there was something in the words that made him sound almost human as he said:

"Please don't die."

Crono's eyes widened slightly, and he sat up to give Magus a quizzical glance.

"Wh...why not?"

"Because," came the reply, tone soft but steady, "I am an amazingly selfish person, and I am not sure what would happen to me if you did."

"What?" Crono whispered stupidly again, staring.

"You have many friends, you know." Magus glanced away. He paused for a long moment. "Existence is a chore and a burden. But sometimes there are reasons to make yourself keep going."

Then, maddeningly, he turned and began to walk away. Crono spared only an instant to ponder those words before shooting up from his place on the couch and marching straight towards Magus, catching the wizard's arm.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" he demanded with a vicious tug. The sorcerer allowed himself to be turned around, and stood in the doorway to the kitchen, regarding Crono with a gaze that had cooled once again.

"It was simply something that needed to be said."

"That's not an answer--"

"I think we've both had our fair share of soul-baring conversation for the moment." Magus's tone was firm as he removed his arm from Crono's grasp. "We can speak of this another time." Walking past a startled Lucca, he picked up his tea off the kitchen counter and headed out through the back. Crono glared at the screen door as it slammed shut.

"Self-righteous bastard," he muttered, plopping down in a kitchen chair.

Lucca shook her head incredulously as she walked over, setting a cup of tea and a piece of toast in front of Crono. "I'd tell you good morning, except that it isn't one, is it?" she remarked dryly. "What was that all about?"

Crono reached for the toast, and began pulling the crusts off in sullen silence. "I gather you told him about what happened last night?" he said after a moment.

"Yeah," she said, wearing an awkward expression as she sipped at her tea.

"Well, for some reason, that just touched him right here," Crono drawled, rolling his eyes as he placed a hand over his heart, "and he just had to come share something with me, and he has the audacity to tell me...not to die. And then he said something real pretty and philosophical-sounding so he could walk off acting like he had all the answers." The youth snorted. "A holier-than-thou attitude doesn't come off real well when you're Mr. Unholy."

"I'm pretty sure that's not how he meant it," Lucca replied quietly. "I'd say that's just how you chose to take it."

Crono made no reply, and the room stood in silence for a little while. His expression sobered somewhat as he looked down at his food.

"I'm making an absolute ass of myself, aren't I?" he asked, lips twitching in a humorless smile.

"Well..." Lucca sighed. "We are a little worried about you."

"This is all happening so fast," he muttered.

Finishing the last of her tea, Lucca set the cup down next to the sink, and walked over to the door that led into the living room. "I guess I'd better go get everyone else up," she said, a little awkwardly, as she turned to look at him in the doorway. He was facing away from her, and did not acknowledge her words. "We have to get back to the End of Time pretty soon, y'know. Places to go, people to see, space parasites to kill..."

Her attempt at a joke was met only by silence, and Lucca smiled half-heartedly. Without further words, the young inventor turned and left.

* * *

For obvious reasons, Frog couldn't be the one to do it. Robo's appearance was a little too exotic as well. Though Magus might have passed as a random Mystic, he exhibited an understandable lack of eagerness to present himself at a traditional enemy's center of power. Ayla was, to put it frankly, much too wild to be taken seriously. And Crono... well, Crono was not exactly the most diplomatic person at the moment. Thus, it had unfortunately fallen upon Lucca Ashtear to troop all the way up to Guardia Castle and inquire about Marle--if she was there--and tell her that the group was about to leave--if Marle would consent to see her.

The guards at the castle gate sent someone off to find the princess, following which they entertained themselves by sneering at Lucca until the messenger returned. The royal emissary looked at her with a surprised and dubious expression, as though he couldn't quite believe what he was saying as he announced, "Yes, her Highness claims you for an acquaintance, and has agreed to meet with you. Please follow me to the audience chamber."

He wasn't the only person who felt surprised. As Lucca walked down the castle's entrance hall, she shook her head in bewilderment. I didn't really expect to find her here. Just because she was a little angry at me surely wasn't enough to send her running home to daddy. I mean, she hates this place, doesn't she?

They stopped in front of a large doorway, and the emissary stepped to one side, waving a hand at the door. "Her Highness, Princess Nadia Guardia, awaits inside. May I remind you," and he glared down at her disapprovingly, "to be on your best manners."

"Right," she murmured, pushing the door open and stepping inside. She shut it securely again before turning around to see who awaited her.

Sure enough, there sat Marle in an overstuffed velvet chair, dressed in royal finery. Beside her was another chair and a low table which held a silver tea service for two. The Princess of Guardia smiled awkwardly at her friend.

"Hey, Lucca. Thanks for coming by." She gestured toward the other chair. "Sit down and have some tea and cookies."

"Um, that's all right, thanks. I just ate," Lucca murmured, walking over to perch on the armrest of the second chair. "I came to tell you that we're getting ready to leave. For the End of Time, that is. So, if you're gonna come along..."

"Although you'd rather I didn't," Marle remarked in a tone of studied casualness, one eyebrow raised as she bent down to pour herself a cup of tea.

The young inventor sighed. "Look, Marle, I'm sorry if I offended you. But Crono's my best friend..." She leaned forward slightly as though to emphasize her point. "I look out for his interests. So if that's what it would take for him to get through this bad time, well, I'd offend everybody in the whole world. Including Magus," she added wryly.

Marle gave her a short but genuine smile. "I think you'd be taking your life in your hands there."

"Precisely my point!" Lucca gave the princess a grin in return. "So..." Her expression sobered. "Are we okay now?"

Marle pursed her lips for a moment, and then nodded sharply. "Sure." She smiled again, expression a bit sheepish. "Sorry I walked off in a huff like that. It wasn't even much of a fight." The princess glanced off to one side. "It's just that I... well, I'm really... fond of Crono, you know?"

Lucca was rigid in her seat, but her tone was casual as she replied, "Yeah, I'd kinda noticed."

"Is it that obvious?" Marle's embarrassed smile widened for a moment, then disappeared, her face sobering. "I--I don't know. I guess I just couldn't face the fact that... maybe things wouldn't turn out perfect, after all..." she said quietly, eyes turning toward the floor. "I just...

"I just wanted everything to be the way it was."

Lucca nodded slowly.

"I know. We all did. But what's done is done... It can't ever be the same."

She lapsed into silence, and for a moment, neither of the girls spoke. Marle sighed.

"So, you guys are ready to go on with the journey?"

"Yeah, we sure are." Lucca smiled faintly. "Can you just walk out of here, or are you gonna have to do some sneaking?"