Chapter 9
I'm writing a song all about you
A true song as real as my tears
But you've no need to fear it
'Cause no one will hear it
Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year
-Cake "Sad Songs and Waltzes"
Astral went into labour early. Early in that her body wasn't ready to bring another life into the world. Of course, her body was not yet ready to carry another life to begin with. The baby would be underweight. Everyone knew this. Most babies born in the real world in the Now were underweight. But that was normal for them. Astral had been well fed in the pods as a slave, and in the last year that she had been free her body had undergone such stress and starvation that it was really in no shape for anything.
It happened so quickly. She and Mouse were in hydroponics with Switch when her water broke and contractions started. They were more intense than what she had been preparing herself for, or maybe it was that she was just too weak.
They didn't have time to call the Predator, no time to get Varley to come aboard. Astral asked for her, cried for her, but there was nothing they could do.
"Astral, Astral," Apoc cooed to her once they had her in the infirmary, sitting up on one of the slabs, crying and trying to suppress her moans. "You have to calm down for me. You have to breathe. Can you do that?" Astral nodded, her face covered in sweat. She took deep calming breaths and stopped shaking. "Does your back hurt?" She nodded. "Mouse, help her."
Mouse started rubbing Astral's shoulders and back, his hands shaking as much as she was. Switch and Trinity helped, Trinity holding the girl's hand comfortingly, Switch fetching and carrying for Apoc.
The rest of the men hung back in the doorway, all of them a little shocked.
"Ow," Astral said after a moment of stunned silence.
"Does it burn? Okay, lie down,"
There was a minor scuffle as the group arranged Astral comfortably. She closed her eyes and held her breath.
"No, honey, no, don't push," Apoc tried to hide the panic in his voice. Shit. This wasn't in his job description. "It's not in position yet. Just keep breathing."
"But-"
"I know, I know. Just trust me."
"Mouse?"
"I'm here, Astral, I'm here, it's okay, I love you." He held her hand and wiped the sweat from her face and kissed her. He was scared, and seeing her scared only frightened him more.
The was a boom, and a crash, and the Nebuchadnezzer was jostled and Astral nearly fell off the bed.
"Shit! Squiddies! How long have we been here?" Tank yelled and dashed down the corridor.
Trinity winced. "Dammit. Astral, I have to help, I can't-"
"It's fine, Trin, it's okay. Go," Astral was close to fainting.
"What should I do?" Mouse's voice was impossibly small and boyish.
"You stay here," Apoc said firmly, Squids be damned. "She needs you."
"Dozer can stay and help," Morpheus' deep rumbling voice cut through the chaos. "I'll need the others,"
Trinity hugged Mouse to her quickly before disappearing with the rest. All that was left was Mouse, Dozer, Apoc and Astral.
Astral yelled almost inhumanly as a new wave of pain shot through her, arching up on the bed, scaring the hell out of Mouse.
"We need to get the baby in the right position. She needs to squat. Dozer, help her up."
Tank's giant of an older brother picked up the frail girl in his arms and helped her to squat on the cold metal floor of the Nebuchadnezzer's infirmary.
"What should I do?" Mouse asked nervously, unwilling to let go of Astral's hand.
"Go turn on that incubator," Apoc gestured to the same warm space that had welcomed all of them into the real world. "Heat up some blankets in there, too."
Apoc kept Mouse busy and, thankfully, away from the brink of panic as he had him tend to the incubator, boil water, fetch Astral ice and wipe the sweat off her brow. Dozer was also a pillar of strength, calmly keeping Astral from losing balance, unfazed by the wetness running down her naked thighs, and her fingers digging into his arms like nails.
When the baby's head was peeking out, and Astral was lying on her back with three men in between her and her child, Mouse held her hand and laid his head by hers and tried to talk her through it. "We're going to have a baby, Astral," There was so much blood. Too much. "A real baby. Ours. I'm so proud of you, Astral," And Astral only closed her eyes and panted and grunted and sweated. Mouse stroked her brow and kissed her temple. "I love you," he said with the full conviction of the truth in his heart.
After the shoulders were delivered, the rest was comparatively easy. Apoc cut the cord and Dozer swaddled the baby in the same rough gray blankets that Mouse still sometimes wore around his shoulders.
"Mouse?" Astral whispered as she lay there panting in a pool of sweat, an ocean of blood between her legs.
"I'm here. I love you." Mouse realized he was crying.
"I love you too." Astral weakly pressed Mouse's knuckles against her lips and kissed them. "Go see our baby."
Mouse wandered over to where Dozer was clearing the baby's nose and cleaning her up. "Is she.is she okay?"
"She'll be fine," Dozer said, wrapping the blankets loosely and warmly around the wailing infant. "You should be happy." He spared Mouse a quick, jovial smile. "You're a daddy now."
".Yeah."
And sometime in those moments when Mouse looked down at his child with trepidation, Astral died on the table before she even passed the afterbirth.
--
Steak. Oh, god, it had been so long since he had eaten steak. A real, good, juicy barbecued steak. Cypher almost had a screaming orgasm as the juicy dead meat made it's way through his mouth.
And to think he had given this up. This, the smallest of pleasures he could have made for himself in the Matrix. For nothing. For cold, metallic, damp, sickly anger and tension. For a fight everybody knew they couldn't win, under a captain who had possibly lost his sanity years ago, chasing a myth.
Astral's death had been the breaking straw. And Morpheus could only stand there with his all-knowing, everything-has-a-purpose look that made Cypher want to punch him. If she had stayed in the Matrix they could have saved her, she could have lived her life the way it was supposed to be. She would have grown up into a beautiful woman, too, if she knew how to dress. But instead she died. In the cold mean environment of the Nebucadnezzer, where Cypher's soul had died long ago.
See, Cypher had a heart after all. He smiled smugly to himself as he took a long deep drink of the sweet red wine before him.
"All right. You get my body back in a power plant, reinsert me into the Matrix and I'll get you what you want."
Agent Smith almost had that sickly intelligent look as Morpheus. Almost. It was a little less nauseating. "Access codes to Zion."
"I told you, I don't know them. But I can give you the man who does."
Morpheus. Ha. The bastard deserved it.
--
"You can't blame yourself." Switch said for what seemed like the millionth time. Apoc didn't respond. Not really. His glassy eyes sort of widened but he continued to stared at a point slightly above nowhere, picking listlessly at the blades of hydroponics grass he clutched lovingly in his hand. "You.you did all you can."
"It wasn't enough." His voice cracked like a child's.
"But.but you couldn't." Switch was getting frustrated. She hated seeing Apoc like this, she hated seeing anyone like this. "There was no time. It's not your fault. If we had gotten Varley-"
"Varley could have saved her. But I couldn't."
"No, no, Apoc." Switch sighed. "Even if Varley had been here, and she survived.it was only a matter of time. You know that. We all knew that. She was little, she was.she was sick. Like Mouse. Except she.she couldn't possibly survive having a baby, could she? Really? Her heart was there but she.Apoc, please."
Apoc didn't respond. Tears threatened to fall from Switch's icy eyes as she threaded her fingers through Apoc's and laid her head on his shoulder. "Please, Apoc, please." She placed her other hand on his arm, searching for anything, any sort of response. "Please."
There was no response.
--
"What is the One supposed to do, Trinity?" Neo sat up in the construct, staring listlessly at the scrolling green code.
".what do you mean?" Trinity leaned against the wall behind him.
"What.what exactly am I supposed to do? Why.what's so special?"
There was a brief pause as Trinity regarded the side of Neo's face, trying to form a reasonable answer. "He.they say.they say the One can control the Matrix from the inside, and change it as he sees fit. Make it better."
"I'm supposed to be able to do this?"
"Well.it's going to take some time."
"What good will it do?" Neo was asking sincerely, like a child.
"If.if we can control the Matrix.we win. We take it back. We take all our people back."
"What good does that do if.if that's the result?" He jerked a thumb towards the corridor, presumably where Astral's body lay wrapped.
"Well.you.we'd win the war, Neo. It'd all be over." How did she explain to him that people died all the time here, and it never got any easier?
"And then what?"
Trinity didn't have an answer for him. She just stared into his eyes, feeling sadder than she possibly ever had before.
"Maybe I'm not the One," Neo said with finality. "What then?"
"You are the One, Neo." Trinity said with what she hoped was as much finality.
"How do you know?"
"Because-"
"Because of Morpheus? What the fuck does Morpheus now?"
"Dammit. Neo, you are the One, I know you are! Can't you just believe that?"
Silence.
"No," Neo said, smally, eventually. "Not really."
He turned away from her and slumped back in his seat, staring at the coding. Trinity sighed and just left.
--
Morpheus stood in the darkened infirmary, where Dozer stood feeding the baby with a tiny bottle. She gurgled happily and snuggled up to the big bare arms, seeking warmth there.
"How is he?" Morpheus looked over to where Mouse sat at Astral's body, unmoving.
"I don't know, man. He won't come talk to me. He won't even see his baby." Dozer rocked the gurgling infant in his strong arms.
Morpheus slowly walked over to where his white, frail charge sat glumly. "Mouse?" He laid a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder. There was no answer. "Mouse, I know how you feel. I do." Morpheus stroked Mouse's tense neck gently. "It's all right to feel the way you do. But you have to be there for your child."
What seemed like forever later, Mouse looked up at Morpheus with shining eyes and the big captain was hit with the intensity of the emotion that radiated off the child. Years of abuse and sadness and frustration shocked Morpheus like a slap in the face. Mouse stared at him for a moment, then flicked his eyes over to where Dozer was tending to the baby, quickly, then back down at Astral's body.
"I know you're scared," Morpheus muttered softly. "It's okay to be scared. It's normal. Mouse." The boy picked up one of Astral's heavy white hands and held it in his. Already cold. "You have to at least see your daughter. Name her."
Mouse took in a deep, shaky breath. "We already did name her." His voice shook and cracked, tears spilt out of his eyes.
Morpheus edged closer, still keeping one arm across the child's pale shoulders. "What name did you give her?"
Mouse looked up at Morpheus, his face tear-stained, sobs racking up from deep within him. "Hope," He whispered, and Morpheus barely heard him.
Then he was crying softly in Morpheus' arms, like he had countless times before- but those sobs had never held such intensity as they did now.
I'm writing a song all about you
A true song as real as my tears
But you've no need to fear it
'Cause no one will hear it
Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year
-Cake "Sad Songs and Waltzes"
Astral went into labour early. Early in that her body wasn't ready to bring another life into the world. Of course, her body was not yet ready to carry another life to begin with. The baby would be underweight. Everyone knew this. Most babies born in the real world in the Now were underweight. But that was normal for them. Astral had been well fed in the pods as a slave, and in the last year that she had been free her body had undergone such stress and starvation that it was really in no shape for anything.
It happened so quickly. She and Mouse were in hydroponics with Switch when her water broke and contractions started. They were more intense than what she had been preparing herself for, or maybe it was that she was just too weak.
They didn't have time to call the Predator, no time to get Varley to come aboard. Astral asked for her, cried for her, but there was nothing they could do.
"Astral, Astral," Apoc cooed to her once they had her in the infirmary, sitting up on one of the slabs, crying and trying to suppress her moans. "You have to calm down for me. You have to breathe. Can you do that?" Astral nodded, her face covered in sweat. She took deep calming breaths and stopped shaking. "Does your back hurt?" She nodded. "Mouse, help her."
Mouse started rubbing Astral's shoulders and back, his hands shaking as much as she was. Switch and Trinity helped, Trinity holding the girl's hand comfortingly, Switch fetching and carrying for Apoc.
The rest of the men hung back in the doorway, all of them a little shocked.
"Ow," Astral said after a moment of stunned silence.
"Does it burn? Okay, lie down,"
There was a minor scuffle as the group arranged Astral comfortably. She closed her eyes and held her breath.
"No, honey, no, don't push," Apoc tried to hide the panic in his voice. Shit. This wasn't in his job description. "It's not in position yet. Just keep breathing."
"But-"
"I know, I know. Just trust me."
"Mouse?"
"I'm here, Astral, I'm here, it's okay, I love you." He held her hand and wiped the sweat from her face and kissed her. He was scared, and seeing her scared only frightened him more.
The was a boom, and a crash, and the Nebuchadnezzer was jostled and Astral nearly fell off the bed.
"Shit! Squiddies! How long have we been here?" Tank yelled and dashed down the corridor.
Trinity winced. "Dammit. Astral, I have to help, I can't-"
"It's fine, Trin, it's okay. Go," Astral was close to fainting.
"What should I do?" Mouse's voice was impossibly small and boyish.
"You stay here," Apoc said firmly, Squids be damned. "She needs you."
"Dozer can stay and help," Morpheus' deep rumbling voice cut through the chaos. "I'll need the others,"
Trinity hugged Mouse to her quickly before disappearing with the rest. All that was left was Mouse, Dozer, Apoc and Astral.
Astral yelled almost inhumanly as a new wave of pain shot through her, arching up on the bed, scaring the hell out of Mouse.
"We need to get the baby in the right position. She needs to squat. Dozer, help her up."
Tank's giant of an older brother picked up the frail girl in his arms and helped her to squat on the cold metal floor of the Nebuchadnezzer's infirmary.
"What should I do?" Mouse asked nervously, unwilling to let go of Astral's hand.
"Go turn on that incubator," Apoc gestured to the same warm space that had welcomed all of them into the real world. "Heat up some blankets in there, too."
Apoc kept Mouse busy and, thankfully, away from the brink of panic as he had him tend to the incubator, boil water, fetch Astral ice and wipe the sweat off her brow. Dozer was also a pillar of strength, calmly keeping Astral from losing balance, unfazed by the wetness running down her naked thighs, and her fingers digging into his arms like nails.
When the baby's head was peeking out, and Astral was lying on her back with three men in between her and her child, Mouse held her hand and laid his head by hers and tried to talk her through it. "We're going to have a baby, Astral," There was so much blood. Too much. "A real baby. Ours. I'm so proud of you, Astral," And Astral only closed her eyes and panted and grunted and sweated. Mouse stroked her brow and kissed her temple. "I love you," he said with the full conviction of the truth in his heart.
After the shoulders were delivered, the rest was comparatively easy. Apoc cut the cord and Dozer swaddled the baby in the same rough gray blankets that Mouse still sometimes wore around his shoulders.
"Mouse?" Astral whispered as she lay there panting in a pool of sweat, an ocean of blood between her legs.
"I'm here. I love you." Mouse realized he was crying.
"I love you too." Astral weakly pressed Mouse's knuckles against her lips and kissed them. "Go see our baby."
Mouse wandered over to where Dozer was clearing the baby's nose and cleaning her up. "Is she.is she okay?"
"She'll be fine," Dozer said, wrapping the blankets loosely and warmly around the wailing infant. "You should be happy." He spared Mouse a quick, jovial smile. "You're a daddy now."
".Yeah."
And sometime in those moments when Mouse looked down at his child with trepidation, Astral died on the table before she even passed the afterbirth.
--
Steak. Oh, god, it had been so long since he had eaten steak. A real, good, juicy barbecued steak. Cypher almost had a screaming orgasm as the juicy dead meat made it's way through his mouth.
And to think he had given this up. This, the smallest of pleasures he could have made for himself in the Matrix. For nothing. For cold, metallic, damp, sickly anger and tension. For a fight everybody knew they couldn't win, under a captain who had possibly lost his sanity years ago, chasing a myth.
Astral's death had been the breaking straw. And Morpheus could only stand there with his all-knowing, everything-has-a-purpose look that made Cypher want to punch him. If she had stayed in the Matrix they could have saved her, she could have lived her life the way it was supposed to be. She would have grown up into a beautiful woman, too, if she knew how to dress. But instead she died. In the cold mean environment of the Nebucadnezzer, where Cypher's soul had died long ago.
See, Cypher had a heart after all. He smiled smugly to himself as he took a long deep drink of the sweet red wine before him.
"All right. You get my body back in a power plant, reinsert me into the Matrix and I'll get you what you want."
Agent Smith almost had that sickly intelligent look as Morpheus. Almost. It was a little less nauseating. "Access codes to Zion."
"I told you, I don't know them. But I can give you the man who does."
Morpheus. Ha. The bastard deserved it.
--
"You can't blame yourself." Switch said for what seemed like the millionth time. Apoc didn't respond. Not really. His glassy eyes sort of widened but he continued to stared at a point slightly above nowhere, picking listlessly at the blades of hydroponics grass he clutched lovingly in his hand. "You.you did all you can."
"It wasn't enough." His voice cracked like a child's.
"But.but you couldn't." Switch was getting frustrated. She hated seeing Apoc like this, she hated seeing anyone like this. "There was no time. It's not your fault. If we had gotten Varley-"
"Varley could have saved her. But I couldn't."
"No, no, Apoc." Switch sighed. "Even if Varley had been here, and she survived.it was only a matter of time. You know that. We all knew that. She was little, she was.she was sick. Like Mouse. Except she.she couldn't possibly survive having a baby, could she? Really? Her heart was there but she.Apoc, please."
Apoc didn't respond. Tears threatened to fall from Switch's icy eyes as she threaded her fingers through Apoc's and laid her head on his shoulder. "Please, Apoc, please." She placed her other hand on his arm, searching for anything, any sort of response. "Please."
There was no response.
--
"What is the One supposed to do, Trinity?" Neo sat up in the construct, staring listlessly at the scrolling green code.
".what do you mean?" Trinity leaned against the wall behind him.
"What.what exactly am I supposed to do? Why.what's so special?"
There was a brief pause as Trinity regarded the side of Neo's face, trying to form a reasonable answer. "He.they say.they say the One can control the Matrix from the inside, and change it as he sees fit. Make it better."
"I'm supposed to be able to do this?"
"Well.it's going to take some time."
"What good will it do?" Neo was asking sincerely, like a child.
"If.if we can control the Matrix.we win. We take it back. We take all our people back."
"What good does that do if.if that's the result?" He jerked a thumb towards the corridor, presumably where Astral's body lay wrapped.
"Well.you.we'd win the war, Neo. It'd all be over." How did she explain to him that people died all the time here, and it never got any easier?
"And then what?"
Trinity didn't have an answer for him. She just stared into his eyes, feeling sadder than she possibly ever had before.
"Maybe I'm not the One," Neo said with finality. "What then?"
"You are the One, Neo." Trinity said with what she hoped was as much finality.
"How do you know?"
"Because-"
"Because of Morpheus? What the fuck does Morpheus now?"
"Dammit. Neo, you are the One, I know you are! Can't you just believe that?"
Silence.
"No," Neo said, smally, eventually. "Not really."
He turned away from her and slumped back in his seat, staring at the coding. Trinity sighed and just left.
--
Morpheus stood in the darkened infirmary, where Dozer stood feeding the baby with a tiny bottle. She gurgled happily and snuggled up to the big bare arms, seeking warmth there.
"How is he?" Morpheus looked over to where Mouse sat at Astral's body, unmoving.
"I don't know, man. He won't come talk to me. He won't even see his baby." Dozer rocked the gurgling infant in his strong arms.
Morpheus slowly walked over to where his white, frail charge sat glumly. "Mouse?" He laid a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder. There was no answer. "Mouse, I know how you feel. I do." Morpheus stroked Mouse's tense neck gently. "It's all right to feel the way you do. But you have to be there for your child."
What seemed like forever later, Mouse looked up at Morpheus with shining eyes and the big captain was hit with the intensity of the emotion that radiated off the child. Years of abuse and sadness and frustration shocked Morpheus like a slap in the face. Mouse stared at him for a moment, then flicked his eyes over to where Dozer was tending to the baby, quickly, then back down at Astral's body.
"I know you're scared," Morpheus muttered softly. "It's okay to be scared. It's normal. Mouse." The boy picked up one of Astral's heavy white hands and held it in his. Already cold. "You have to at least see your daughter. Name her."
Mouse took in a deep, shaky breath. "We already did name her." His voice shook and cracked, tears spilt out of his eyes.
Morpheus edged closer, still keeping one arm across the child's pale shoulders. "What name did you give her?"
Mouse looked up at Morpheus, his face tear-stained, sobs racking up from deep within him. "Hope," He whispered, and Morpheus barely heard him.
Then he was crying softly in Morpheus' arms, like he had countless times before- but those sobs had never held such intensity as they did now.
