Chapter 11
What will prove to be our big mistake?

Short-sighted arrogance for what sake?

Our families to ashes, our ambitions to dust

Our progeny in silence thinking 'what about us?'

- Bad Religion 'Victims of the Revolution'

There was a disturbance in the Matrix- a sort of a soft spot that had resurfaced recently. It was almost just too small to go unnoticed as anything important by the Machines, possibly a busted circuit that somebody hadn't gotten around to checking.

To the rebels, though, it served as a weak spot that could be used to their advantage. Hasty messages had been sent from ship to ship, until it was decided that the Nebuchadnezzer had the best crew to take care of it.

It was still a secret, what had happened to Mouse's daughter. The Predator was the only other ship that even knew of Astral's pregnancy, though that sort of thing was usually shared joy, as the human population teetered vicariously on extinction. As of yet, nobody else even knew there had been a frail human life called Hope, and that flame of life had been put out by an unknown hand. It was like a twisted little family secret that the crew of the Nebuchadnezzer kept buried within them whenever confronted by other rebel ships.

It had been two weeks. Mouse had immediately clammed up and spent his days alone in his room, where no one tried to bother him.

"I worry about him," Trinity had said to Neo once, softly, softly enough so Morpheus couldn't hear, because he was the last person who needed to hear it. Neo looked at her a moment and wondered a little if she meant Mouse or Morpheus. Morpheus had thrown himself completely into his work, losing the demeanour of the well-rounded, serene leader he once had. He stayed up nights planning the raid, making sure it was flawless, training Neo to the point of exhaustion. And Neo stood there and took it all, trying not to waiver, trying not to flinch, while everybody else felt sorry for him.

Until one day, Mouse came out of his room.

He simply walked out and into the mess hall, draped in his uniform tight black sweater, his toque pulled down low over his forehead.

There was silence as soon as he came in, slouching, pale, almost exactly the same way he was so long ago, when he was still a boy. Everyone watched like a hawk as he took a bowl of runny, tasteless porridge and sat at the bland metal table.

"What?" He said flippantly, more in tune with his former self.

"Mouse, are.how are you?" Dozer tried to sound neutral.

"I'm fine," Mouse glanced around, pointedly missing Morpheus' gaze. "I'm okay, really. Don't.please don't worry about me," He fingered one frostbitten ear slowly. "I'm fine now."

Morpheus leaned back a little suspiciously. Then, maybe to give Mouse a little space in order to speak to him later, he changed the subject. The weak spot, or the hot spot as they had taken to calling it, was scheduled, according to Dozer and Tank's mathematical manipulations of the past events, to erupt today.

"The whole thing seems strange to me," Trinity broke in, eventually, after Morpheus' briefing the crew. "It seems a little.well, not convenient. I mean, there are disturbances like that all over the Matrix, but they're centralized to certain parts, they make more sense. In that part of the world, something on this scale doesn't happen that often, so randomly. It seems.wrong."

Cypher realized that Mouse had been staring at him. He locked eyes with the boy, who stared back, and eventually smiled a long, slow smile.

"I know it appears odd," Morpheus said. "But we've got to take every chance we're given. If we can destroy even the smallest part of their system, compromise their control the littlest bit- it will be worth it." He gave Trinity a small, enigmatic smile. "I'm asking you all to trust me,"

"You know we trust you, Morpheus," Tank said optimistically.

"Thank you, Tank." Morpheus leaned back and was silent a moment, mostly watching Mouse, who had gone back to quietly eating his porridge without complaint. "Now, why don't you all go prepare?"

Mouse quickly wiped his mouth and was out of the room before Morpheus could stop him, chasing after Cypher who had left even quicker.

"You know something, don't you?" The boy said when they were alone. "You know what's going on."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, kid."

"You're up to something. I'm not stupid," Mouse spat at him. "Tell me what's going on."

"Mouse, I think you need to take a break-"

"I'm serious, Cypher, if you're up to something, I want in."

Cypher and Mouse stared at each other a little bit, before Cypher broke away, smothering a little laugh. "No. No way. You're crazy."

"Just tell me something," Mouse stepped in front of Cypher, cornering the man before he could leave. "What are the chances that those of us who go on this mission will come back alive?"

"What?"

"They killed my daughter, Cypher." Mouse said it with all the intensity of a grown man, his voice remained steady and unbreaking, his demeanor was not shaken by unshed tears. He was serious. "Just tell me."

Cypher didn't answer for a long time. When he did, he only managed a nervous gulp.

Mouse treated him to another one of those cocky, long, slow smiles.

"That's what I thought," He said knowingly before turning on his heel and walking out with a conduct that hadn't been with him since he'd been married. He seemed like he had come alive again.

Cypher watched him go and realized that, even if no one could see if but him, Mouse was already dead inside.

--

"I don't think I want you to come with us on this mission," Morpheus said softly. Mouse didn't look up from what he was doing, cleaning off some of the terminal instruments for Tank.

"Why not?" He asked, his rag still making rhythmic movements across the port.

"It isn't good to jump right back into these things after.I want you to take some more time off. Rest a bit. I'm worried about you, little one." Mouse had stopped cleaning and was staring at the port now. "I think it would be best if you stayed aboard with Tank and Dozer."

"But.no!" Mouse looked up at Morpheus and the older man realized how much the boy's eyes had changed. "I.I want to go, Morpheus, please. Please let me come."

"Mouse, I-"

"I.I want to help. I want to keep going. I need to get my life back, Morpheus. Please?"

"I'm not putting you in any more danger." Mouse was still Morpheus' child, at least the latter was having problems getting beyond that. The last ten months had created a rift between the two that Morpheus wished he could fix.

"I know! I know, I.I understand that. I do. Look, I'll stay at the touchdown, too.you can go with Neo and Trinity and Cypher to the hot spot, and Apoc and Switch can stay on the ground, and I'll stay inside with the backup gear as a contact, okay?" He looked up at Morpheus and smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes, and hoped his guardian would say yes.

Morpheus sighed. "If you promise to stay out of trouble and do as you're told." He regarded his charge sadly, resisting the urge to stroke the boy's brow the way he did when Mouse was a child clinging to his neck.

Mouse surprised him. He smiled again, almost for real, and hugged him.

"Thank you," Mouse said, though the gratitude was tinged with a shaky, doubtful voice. Morpheus chalked it up to his constant worry and buried the boy in his huge hug, planting the occasional kiss on Mouse's toque.

He had done the best he could.

--

It had been a bust. The area imploded- there was a riot that they couldn't stop, too much destruction to keep count of.

They had saved lives- Neo had snatched several children out of the way of burning effigies or canisters of tear gas. He had been struck with an immense sense of uselessness, however, when he realized that they'd be stuck living in slavery anyhow.

Several buildings had been destroyed, however, which made for several of the controlling AI systems down. Other rebel groups had been poised in the real world to take advantage of the downtime- but it wasn't enough, it wasn't what they had planned for.

Morpheus was disappointed, Neo could feel it in the air as they drove back to the contact point. A dense silence filled the air, and Neo kept glancing up at the big, forbidding man with apprehension.

The words of the Oracle, given him so long ago, came shuddering back and Neo was suddenly nervous.

"It's not enough that I believe in you, is it, Neo?" Morpheus' eyes couldn't be seen behind his sunglasses.

Neo stared at him and was about to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean, when he felt Trinity's slender hand find his own on the seat between them. He glanced at her, but she was staring out the window.

--

"Don't worry about it," Apoc said for the seventeenth time that day, as Switch glanced up and behind her at the building. "He's fine,"

"I can't just not worry," Switch sighed. "He shouldn't have come. He should be.in bed or something."

"Mouse'll be fine. He needs to get some semblance of normalcy back. You can't just expect him to stagnate in that room of his forever." Switch didn't answer. Apoc sighed a little and moved closer to her. "I know you're worried, but you got to let go sometime. He'll get through this. He's a pretty together kid."

"Yeah.yeah, you're right."

"I'm always right."

"Weird."

"What?"

"That's the third white van I've seen."

--

Mouse, for his part, was not all right, and he was definitely not together. He pretended to be, for everyone else's sake, to stop the patronizing glances and worried whispers.

He sat in the old, worn leather chair up in the rundown office building, feet on the table, staring at a conjured magazine of the woman in red.

His heart wasn't in it.

Instead, what was there was a growing, gnawing blackness that had ceased trying to get out, that turned itself inward until it consumed him completely.

He had tried to stop it. Mouse didn't want it to come to this. That morning, when he had spoken with Morpheus, when they hugged for the first time in ever, he wanted to say something about it. He wanted to stop it. He wanted to apologize.

The words just wouldn't come.

He had tried, after that, to find Trinity and say it to her, too, he tried to say it to everyone. But the empty blackness had kept him grounded where he was cleaning the terminals, or in his room alone in darkness.

He was sorry.

His cellular rang- "They're on their way," Tank told him.

There was a sinking feeling in the small of his back, but it didn't bother him too much. He felt it grow stronger when his phone rang the second time as he reached for the curtains- it wasn't a surprise. He wanted to be shocked by it, he wanted to act like it was a surprise.but he had known all along. Since he had locked eyes with Cypher over breakfast in the mess- since their one-sided conversation. Mouse knew all along, and it didn't really bother him.

Somehow, he wished it did.

Then there was the rumble of running feet, and the staccato of gunfire.

Mouse may have screamed. He wasn't too sure.

Epilogue

Where would I be

Without your love?

Where would I be

Without your arms around me?

-Cake 'Where Would I Be?'

Tank stared at his brother's grave, unmoving, his face unreadable. The captain of the hovership Predator stood a little ways behind him, waiting for when he was needed.

"You haven't said anything in a while." Trinity said softly. Neo stood next to her on the edge of the overcrowded cemetary. Makeshift tombstones marked the final resting place of the countless fallen of Zion.

The city had grown silent, eventually. The Nebuchadnezzer had floated home to welcoming throngs of encited masses. To them, the shotgun had gone off at a turning point in the war. It was their "Battle of Seattle"- the new revolution had certainly begun. No one knew how long it was going to take, but they had found their hero, and they gave him a hero's welcome.

"You're a hero to them now. We'll win this. You'll see."

Neo didn't answer. Something dark and angry inside him kept eating at his heart, and didn't stop. Some accusing voice telling him he was worthless and opportunistic. That for all his power, he couldn't save them all. Switch. Apoc. Dozer.

Mouse.

"You were his hero, too." Trinity said, softly, wistfully, and neither of them had to mention his name.

It was warm in Zion, even at night. A little balmy for Neon's pseudo- Canadian sensitivies. A humid, encompassing heat welled up from the center of the Earth, not too far away. It felt weird to not be draped in blankets.

Neo shifted a little and leaned into Trinity more, trying not to think about how Mouse was finally sleeping in warmth.

--

He had failed.

He had been trusted with a young human life, the most precious kind of life left in the Now, and he had failed. He had failed so badly as to put the rest of his remaining crew in danger, to encourage the young man with potential to save them all to sacrifice himself. He had failed.

The dank, warm and humid air down in the Earth's belly created a dark atmosphere of helplessness and angst. Zion itself was quiet, settled down for the night, watch fires flickering in the distance. Barely, if one listened hard enough, the sound of small, bare feet pattering into tiny hovels of homes.

He felt a human presence more than he heard it approaching behind him. Morpheus didn't turn when whoever it was sat beside him, where he kept a vigil watch over the new grave.

"It's not your fault, you know." A deep accent that was faintly familiar turned his head. A young girl was there, smiling shyly, a little sadly at him. "This is war. There are always casualties in war."

"If one child dies, it is not worth it." Morpheus replied, his voice low and soft.

"But children have died since this started. They die inside the Matrix, suffering, in a double slavery. It'll be like that until this is over. Soon. You'll see." She leaned forward and drew her hands over the dingy plaque rising out of the barren, clayey earth.

Mouse

Astral

Hope

"Suffer the children to come to me, for of such is the kingdom of God."

-Matthew 19:14

"Then their deaths won't be in vain. She would have wanted it that way. They all would've."

"Who are you." It was less a question than a command.

"They call me Gretel. Like from the Fairy Tale." Another faint, sad smile. "She saved the day in the end." Gretel turned when she heard her captain, Jolix, calling her name. "You were her hero, Morpheus," She said hurriedly. "I never understood before, but..." Gretel trailed off, and gave him a quick, low hug, the kind Mouse gave when he was very young. Then she ran off to her captain's side.

Morpheus turned back to the grave of his youngest charge, to the grave where the remains of his little boy slept alongside the ashes of his wife and child.

He died because I didn't love him enough. The unexpected, accusatory, bitter thought flitted through his mind.

Humanity's newest war had begun. But all wars, Morpheus realized with horror, were fought with the lives of children.

For the first time since he could remember, Morpheus started to cry.

End.