Fuck Me You Will

Disclaimer: George Lucas owns it, so sue him for Yoda's pediophilia.

Summary: Nobody really knows what happened that night on Dagobah… Luke/Yoda SLASH!

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(Luke's POV)

They always say Dagobah's a dark planet. It's a good thing, because Yoda hates to do it in the light…

It all started that day when I was training. Yoda was standing on my foot while I was upside down. I stopped concentrating for a second and I fell down, along with Yoda. That wouldn't mean anything normally, except that he fell on, um, a not-so-good place.

"Could you… uh… move, master?" I asked.

"Oh…like this I do," said Yoda, grinding himself into me.

"Well I don't!" I lied, trying to get away.

"Lying you are. Stay here and fuck me you will."

"But… wasn't I supposed to go help my friends?" I asked breathlessly.

"Help them you would not have done anyway."

"So I would've gone there for nothing?"

"Your father Darth Vader is."

"What??? That really changes everything… incest isn't illegal anymore, is it?"

"No. Anyway, have your right hand for useful things you will," said Yoda, trying unsuccessfully to strip. "Damn jedi robes!"

I couldn't take it anymore. Hey, using the Force makes you horny. Or is that just me? So anyway, I ripped off all of our clothes. At the sight of Yoda naked, my mouth gaped open.

"Um, no offense, but isn't it a bit small, master?"

"Size matters not! Besides, your body's lightsaber the force deactivates," Yoda said defensively.

"Really? Why don't you tell Leia that? She's been complaining for so long!"

"Told you about Leia, I never did? Time for that later there is. Now, pleasure me you must."

"Aren't you of a different species though?"

"Slash fic this is. Shut up you will before the writer, excuse me God, stops writing."

"So, where were we?" I asked seductively.

"FUCK ME YOU WILL!" wailed Yoda, who was throwing a temper tantrum.

And fuck him I did, though I won't give any details because God is disgusted by now. But let's just say it was the best orgasm either of us had ever had (and trust me, Yoda's been around, he's 800). There was screaming, moaning, and the occasional jealous look from Ben.

The moral of the story: if you can't use the Force, please your master another way.

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Author's Note: If you've read this, I'm sorry.