Disclaimer: All the characters portrayed here in are the property of people other than myself. I get nothing out of using them to my own devious ends except my own amusement and the (hopefully) amusement of others.

Comments: Ok, nobody sue me for this fic. In my head I've got the whole thing worked out and in my own twisted little universe this is how things go. If you don't want to read about the Weiss boys getting a little older and taking those life altering steps such as tying the knot and starting families: turn back now. Please excuse the convolutedness around the whole artificial, test-tube baby thing, but hell that's how I imagined it working out. Ok, so there is a big old fic gap between my last (and so far only other) fic and this. But if people like this I will fill in the gap. If they don't I will hide my head in shame and go far, far away. So read on and just roll with the punches. It's really quite cute.

Warning: Convoluted plot and completely fictionalized portrayal of artificial child production. There is also cheese and corn content enough to make another Mexican side-dish.

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Baby Talk

A Weiss Kruez Fanfic

I pace nervously past the closed door. The doctors said that we have to wait. Just a little longer they said, but I've waited so long already. I don't want to wait anymore. They want to make the process as natural as possible, they want her to start to fight to be free and then they will deliver her. Just wait, Mr. Hidaka, they say. Wait until the heart palpitations are even, wait until the eyes are ready to open, wait until the plugs dissolve, wait, wait, wait. Jesus I've been waiting all this time. It's been nine months, damn it, and I don't want to wait any longer!

Aya just sits, calm as ever. I want to throttle him. I want him to show what he's feeling. There is no possible way he can be as calm inside as he is outside. The only way he shows that he is nervous is by shifting his position every once in a while. Forward then back, hands behind head, hands folded in his lap, clutching the arms of the waiting room chair. I groan in exasperation and throw up my hands; I tear at my hair.

"I can't take this!" I cry. "What the hell is taking so long?"

"Settle down, Ken," Aya says in that deep voice of his. I look over at him. He raises an eyebrow. I stomp to the seat next to him and plop down.

"How can I settle down?! How can you just sit here? Ran, the doctors promised that today was the day and all they do is fart around! I… I want to –see- her. I can't take the waiting!" I cry. I lean sideways and bury my head in his arm. I breathe him in. His smell calms me, surrounds me. I sigh and try to relax.

He doesn't put his arms around me, he wouldn't in public. But he does lean over slightly and gently kiss the top of my head. "Are you sure you're ready for this, koibito?" he asks quietly.

I sit up right and glare at him, "How can you ask! I've been ready for over a year!" but as I look at him I can tell he was only teasing. His eyes are smiling and there is a sparkle behind them that I never used to see. "Oh, you!" I say gruffly and punch his arm.

But I wonder if I really am ready for this. If –we- are ready. This is the next step, and it's a huge step. I thought it was a huge step when Aya and I decided to seal our relationship and file for marital status. But even though I had been nervous then things hadn't really been that different afterwards. We'd been living together for so long anyway (first as team mates and later as lovers), the only major difference was in our taxes, and the fact that women left us alone when they saw our rings.

I know that I'm the one who said I wanted this; I was the one who wanted a child. Aya hadn't been so sure. He didn't really like kids in the first place, and he thought that us raising a child would be cruel and unusual punishment for all involved. He made a good argument. We were killers after all, should we be responsible for maintaining life when all we did was take it? Did we deserve to try to have a normal life? Not to mention the fact that we could never be 'normal' anyway. Being raised by two men had to be warping for any child, and as Aya had pointed out: with Omi and Yohji practically part of our family already it was going to be more like being raised by four men. At first I'd given in. It wasn't going to be fair to the child, and I knew that. But as time went on I brought it up again. I wanted to have children so badly and coaching soccer only reminded me every day exactly how much I wanted it. Why couldn't Aya see how it could work? This time I cried and yelled and pouted so much that Aya finally gave in. I admit that it wasn't very mature on my part, but I couldn't think of any other way to convince him. As we began to make plans I could tell that he, too, was excited over the prospect of having a family.

Once we finally decided to go for it we'd come to a road-block. How were we going to go about this? Should we adopt, find a surrogate mother, invetro, what? I knew that I wanted my child to be a part of me; more I wanted it to be a part of Aya. Though I wasn't opposed to adoption I wanted biological material involved. Once again I knew I was being selfish, but again I couldn't help the way I felt. Aya said there were so many kids who needed good homes. I reminded him that ours wasn't exactly a 'good' home. Besides how many adoption agencies were really going to give us a child? Homosexual marriages, although finally recognized legally were still socially handled with ten foot poles.

It was Aya-chan who finally got tired of listening to us go around in circles and supplied us with an answer. She offered to donate her eggs. Then I could be the biological father and the child would share genetic material with Aya-kun as well. At first we'd refused. Aya seemed scandalized at the very idea, always so protective of Aya-chan. And I wasn't so sure how I'd feel about knowing that Aya-chan was the mother of my child. Would it lead to tension? If the child found out would it call Aya-chan 'mother' and Aya-kun, 'uncle?' Would Aya-chan become possessive once the pregnancy was over? Female hormones were unpredictable, and some sort of custody battle was not something I wanted to go through. The opportunity for permanent emotional trauma all around seemed too prominent to go through with it.

But in the end Aya-chan sat us both down and laid out her plan. She wasn't going to carry the child. She flat out refused, because she agreed that doing so would lead to numerable problems, and she didn't want to do this for herself, but for us, and besides she didn't feel she was mature enough to have children yet. She was going to donate her eggs, have them taken from her ovaries and then we could have them fertilized in a laboratory test tube with my sperm. After the embryo was successfully fertilized the child would develop in an artificial womb environment where doctors and specialists would monitor it until it was ready to be 'delivered'. It would be very scientific she assured us. She'd even taken the time to do research on facilities that offered such services and had chosen one. She sounded so confidant and excited for us that we both agreed before we could change our minds.

Somehow Aya and I managed to live with each other for the next few months while we talked with doctors, went to meetings, accompanied Aya-chan to the clinics for her various physicals (there had been some initial concern that she wasn't a good candidate for egg donation because of her earlier medical problems, but eventually everything checked out), visited specialists, and figured out the financial end of our problems. Trying to get Aya to part with money was like trying to get Yohji to stop wearing cologne. It was driving him to distraction to the extent that he was screwing up on missions. Persia became so aggravated that he offered to front us the money if Aya would get back to normal. We were all blown away. Persia had nearly had a conniption fit when we told him that we were getting married (of course he hadn't known that we were together at all), and he hadn't been happy when we told him that we planned to start a family. We'd told him that other members of Kritiker had families and we didn't intend to be any different. Of course all of this had to go through Manx and Birman.

Finally everything worked out and we had all been present for the fertilization ceremony. It was strangely anticlimactic. Aya, Yohji, Omi, Aya-chan, and I had all just huddled around a test tube with transparent fluid in it and watched as the whole saga played out on a magnification screen. When it was all over Aya-chan turned to me and said, "Well, Ken- kun, was it good for you?" We'd all laughed nervously, all except Aya-kun of course. He'd just glowered at both of us until Aya-chan told him to lighten up.

The next nine months had been so long I thought I was going to go insane. The child was kept inside the artificial womb. We couldn't see it developing except through ultra sound images. When it became clear that the child was female we'd been slightly nervous. We'd purposefully asked for the gender to be chance, but still. The four of us raising a girl… this was going to be interesting.

The whole time Aya tried to act as if nothing was going on. He never brought it up. He just went about work as usual. I was a nervous wreck. I started thinking about things like diapers, baby proofing, car seats, jumpers, walkers, educational television programming, baby formula, etc…. I stared buying parenting magazines and reading them late at night after missions. Aya didn't think I noticed, but I know he read them too when he thought he was alone. As the time drew closer and closer I could tell Aya was getting excited. I came up from the Koneko one day to find him painting the room that used to be mine a light shade of yellow. I'd jumped him on the spot and made love to him with all the pent up excitement that was coursing through my body. I'd never known paint could be so much fun.

Now it was finally time. It was finally the delivery day and the doctors were still making me wait. Today is the day we can finally take her home. My stomach is in knots.

Suddenly the door to the waiting room bursts open and Omi and Yohji come running in.

"C'mon, Omittchi! We've probably already missed all the action!"

I stand up quickly and they see me. They run over to us, breathless. "What's going on, Ken? Haven't they started yet?" Yohji asks grabbing my shoulder.

I shake my head in agitation. "No, I don't know what the hell they are doing, but we can't go in yet. We've been here for four hours!"

"Yeah, we know," Yohji says. "Remember how you two left as soon as you got the phone call? I want you to try closing the shop with only two people on a Friday night sometime."

"Oh, Yohji, hush," Omi snaps. "Gee, I can't believe that they called you so long ago and made you wait here like this. When you left we figured you'd be back home with the baby by now."

"Yeah, me too," I grumble. Aya grunts noncommittally.

"We don't have any choice but to wait," he says. "We don't want them to rush things do we?"

I sigh and shake my head. I sit back down. This time Aya puts his hand over mine and squeezes in gently. I turn my hand over and lace my fingers through his. If this public display of affection bothers him he doesn't let it show. Yohji and Omi sit down as well and make themselves comfortable. Omi sits next to me and puts one of his hands on my back to comfort me. He knows how I feel about waiting.

Finally a white-coated doctor looking person comes out of the door. He looks bland. Completely unexcited about anything. He looks over at us. "Mr.'s Hidaka and Fujimaya?" he asks even though he knows who we are, he's only been dealing with my neurosis for the past nine months.

I stand up quickly. God man look excited: this is the birth of my child we're talking about! This is what I want to shout at him, but I don't. Instead I say, "Y-yes, that's us."

"It's time, please follow me," he says blandly motioning to us. Aya stands up now, he's still holding my hand, and now his grip is even tighter. He's excited. Yohji and Omi stand as well to follow behind us. The doctor looks like he wants to stop them from coming, but the look on Yohji's face stops him from saying anything.

We all file into the room. It's a pretty odd sight. The artificial womb is lying on a clean table all attached to long tubes and blipping machines and it is moving slightly. The sides keep bulging. A nurse is standing next to it, listening through a stethoscope.

The doctor smiles at us weakly. "We thought this would go a lot faster, but I'm afraid that she fell asleep right before we were planning on stimulating the womb for delivery. We thought we'd let her get a little shuteye before we expelled her into this cold world. But as you can see, she's more than ready now."

Stop your blathering, fool, and get on with it! I think as I glare at the doctor.

We all just nod.

"Well, are we all ready?" the doctor asks.

"I think we'd just better get on with things, doctor. I don't think my husband can take much more of the suspense," I hear Aya say gruffly. I look up and him and lean into his side. He lets go of my hand and puts his arm around me. I wrap my arms around his chest and take a deep, quavering breath. I can hear how fast his heart is beating. I can feel how fast mine is.

I don't know what I'm expecting, but I'm not expecting what comes next. The doctor steps over to the nurse motions her away, and -unzips- the artificial womb. He -unzips- it! That's it. Pink fluid gushes out all over the table and there is an odd smell. There are odd little chunks floating around in the pink fluid that is now dripping off the sides of the table and running down a drain in the middle of the floor. I can feel my eyes rolling back into my head. I think I'm going to pass out. Then the doctor reaches into the artificial womb and pulls her out. She's covered in goo, she's red, she's wrinkly, she's perfect. The doctor gives her a little smack and she cries out. Now I do pass out. I slither out of Aya's arm and hit the floor in a boneless pile of mush. I heard our baby cry!

Aya looks down at me, "Ken?"

Omi rushes to my side and starts to shake me, "Ken? Ken! You can't do this now! You're missing it!" he shakes me again, but I'm out of it.

"Here let me try," Yohji says. He kneels down besides Omi and slaps my face twice, once to and once fro. My eyes snap open. Omi helps me sit up.

"She... she cried," I whisper softly. I look over at Omi and he's smiling to beat the band. I look up trying to see my baby again. I catch my breath. She's all wrapped up in a blanket, still all red and gooey, but she's in Aya's arms. My heart skips a beat. He's never looked more beautiful than he does now just standing there with our baby in his strong arms. He's looking at her with wonder in his eyes.

"Aya," Yohji says softly.

Aya turns around and sees me staring up at him; I meet his eyes. He's crying. He comes to me, kneels down before me and holds our daughter between us. He leans forward until our foreheads touch. I can't take my eyes off of her. I burst into tears. I sob uncontrollably. I reach out to touch her, but my hands are shaking so badly I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her, so I touch Aya's arms instead. Omi warps his arm around my shoulder and starts to cry as well. Yohji tries to stay aloof. He knows somebody has to keep it together. He winks at the nurse. How do I know all this? I don't know, I just do.

Eventually the doctor breaks us up, not to be cruel, but because he has to clean the baby and get her ready to go home with us. They need to run a few tests just to make sure that she's healthy and ready to leave the clinic. He takes her from Aya's arms. I know that they feel empty now, so I throw myself into them, holding him so tight that I'm afraid I might hurt him. But he doesn't complain. We just hold each other. The love between everyone in the room is so thick it makes me want to fall asleep.

"I need to call Aya-chan," he says at length. I nod and look up, smiling. We kiss briefly.

"I love you," I whisper.

"I love you more," he whispers back, kissing my forehead. The nurse asks us to wait in the hallway again. I walk out slowly with Omi and Yohji flanking me just in case I pass out again, but I'm not worried about it. Aya ducks down the hall as we sit down. When he comes back a few minutes later he's smiling.

"Aya-chan is excited. She wants to come over this weekend to see the baby," he says.

I nod in agreement. I wrap my arms around his arm and squeeze it. "We're parents," I say.

"Scary thought," Aya responds.

We all giggle nervously. I feel lightheaded and giddy. The doctor finally comes back and we follow him again. Omi and Yohji say they'll wait for us in the lobby. They want to give us a little time alone.

We enter a clean room. There she is lying quietly in a tiny bassinette. I walk over to her and stare down at the tiny wrinkled face. Her eyes open slightly and she yawns, her tongue sticking out slightly. "She looks just like you, koibito," I say laughing.

"Very funny," Aya says standing beside me. "I think those little sticking out ears of hers are definitely yours."

"What?! My ears don't stick out!" I cry. He kisses me on the forehead again. "Jerk," I mumble.

"Well," the doctor says. "She's ready to go. Her health is fine and we can see no reason to keep her here. I have scheduled the necessary appointments as far as check-ups and vaccinations are concerned, so I'll give you a calendar with the dates and times penciled in. Let me know if there are any times that aren't going to work for you and we can re- schedule them. And if you will both sign here ... that's it, thank you... you can all be on your way. We'll be in touch. Good luck to both of you."

After all that it seems rather anticlimactic. Aya picks up the bassinette and hands it to me. Her weight feels so good in my arms. "Hi, sweetheart," I coo. She yawns again.

"Thank you, doctor," Aya says, shaking hands with him.

"Yes, thank you," I parrot. I can't shake hands; I know he understands. We walk out of the office. Down the corridor, through the lobby where we meet Omi and Yohji and then down the elevator and out into the night. We walk to the car and here Omi and Yohji part ways with us. "Ahh, I'm parked way the hell over that way," Yohji grumbles. "We'll see you back at the Koneko."

"Ok," I say and Aya nods. They disappear between the cars. Aya opens the door and then takes the bassinette from my arms. "Here," he says, "Take her out and hold her while I get the car seat thing adjusted."

"Ok," I say leaning over the basket. I take the tiny body in my hands and coddle it gently against my body. The feeling is incredible. She's so little and warm and solid. I love her so much I never even imagined that I could feel this way. She makes a funny sound. "Am I doing this right?" I ask, suddenly afraid I'm gonna let her suffocate or something.

Aya looks over at me from where he is crouched down in the back of his Porsche trying to strap in the plastic baby-carrier we agonized over months earlier. "Yeah, you're fine," he says. "Babies make noise, it's ok."

"I know, I know. I just don't want to do anything wrong," I say.

"Koibito, you are better with kids than anybody I know."

"I know, but that's with kids, not with babies! I've never held a baby before."

"Never?"

"No, never. I don't have any younger siblings, remember?"

"That's true." Aya straightens up and takes her from my arms. It's cold where she was, but I don't mind. I like seeing Aya hold her. It makes my chest hurt. He ducks back into the car and puts her in the carrier, strapping her in gently.

"Maybe we should think about getting a four door," I say, poking at his back.

"Sure," he says, "Right after you sell your bike."

I scowl.

"That's what I thought," Aya says. "We'll just have to borrow the jeep from Yohji more often."

He closes the door and turns around. He smiles at me and we embrace each other. I love the way my head fits into the crook of his shoulder. "Finally," I breathe.

"Indeed." We kiss. It's one of those amazing gut wrenching kisses that only Aya can do correctly, he's all over me. I feel kinda weird about making out with my husband in a hospital parking lot, but hell, we just had a baby!



* * * *



I've really never seen anything cuter than Aya wearing the 'front end loader,' as Ken calls it, around the shop. He just walks around with little Kaori-chan tucked into the front carrier, curled up against his chest and stomach. She sleeps most of the day, she's the best baby I've ever seen. He doesn't think anyone watches him, but we all do. Every once in a while he'll reach down and touch her little head, all covered with fine dark hair and then he smiles to himself. He hums too. He doesn't think he does it loud enough for us to hear, but he does. When someone like Aya starts humming, it doesn't matter how soft if is the whole world tunes in.

He greets customers like that. With Kaori in the carrier on his front. He's such a proud father. Who would have guessed? He loves to show her off. He doesn't even mind when the high-school girls come in anymore because now they all crowd around him and fuss over Kaori-chan.

Right now he's standing there, watering the pots with little Kaori curled up against him. He's such a good father. They're both good fathers. But I think Aya is actually a better -mother-. He's always doting. Always checking her diaper and making sure she's eaten lately. Not that Ken doesn't do those things. He does, but he's different.

Ken loves to play with Kaori. He throws her up in the air and catches her again. He swings her around and makes airplane sounds. He tips her upside down and tickles her. He can do anything to that baby and she never cries. Her eyes get big as dinner plates and she makes funny snuffling sounds, but she never cries. Ken treats her like a doll and she loves it.

Aya on the other hand treats Kaori-chan like she's made of glass. He is so careful when he picks her up. He coos to her and cuddles her. His eyes get big as dinner plates too when Ken plays with her, but he never says anything. He trusts Ken that much. They really are perfect for each other.

Ken comes out of the back room with Kaori's bottle. He's humming to himself as he walks up to Aya and leans into him. "Hello, my lover," he says happily and he begins to take Kaori out of the carrier.

Aya looks down. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking my daughter so that I can feed her," Ken says, "It's time for her afternoon bottle."

Aya grumbles, "Yeah, but she just fell asleep again."

"You know that if we feed her later she won't drink her evening bottle and will wakeup hungry in the middle of the night and want to eat then. So I'm gonna risk waking her up now so that we might all be able to sleep later. Besides she sleeps in this thing no matter what you do to her. She'll go right back into la la land as soon as she's back against your chest," Ken says lifting Kaori into his arms. She fusses and starts to cry.

"Oooh, what? Ooohh, life is so hard, Kaori-chan! I know, I know, I really do! I wish I could stay curled up against your daddy all day long too, yes I do, but I can't, no I can't, and neither can you," Ken says in his baby talk voice. I laugh behind my hand.

Aya shoots us both dirty looks and goes back to watering.

Ken walks towards me with Kaori in his arms. He's got the bottle in her mouth by now and has it propped up against his chest so that he has one arm free. He's a master at the one-handed baby-feed. I smile at him and he smiles back. Fatherhood suits him so well. "How's it hangin', Omi-kun?"

"Oh, like it always does," I say. We both laugh.

Yohji pokes his head out from behind a huge fichus plant. "No, Omi, the correct way to respond to that is, 'long and strong, my friend.'" He looks over and smiles at us and then sees Kaori-chan and realizes his mistake. He hadn't realized Ken was feeding her, he thought she was still with Aya. He makes a weird face and tries to hide behind the fichus again. But we all know it's too late. She heard his voice.

She spits out her bottle and Ken deftly catches it with one hand. She opens her eyes and squeals. She can see Yohji. She stretches out her little arms and makes grabby fists towards him. She burbles and squeaks.

"She wants you, Yohji," Ken says matter-o-factly.

"Aw, Ken!" Yohji says. "Can't we just pretend I'm not here."

Kaori-chan loves pulling Yohji's hair. She loves to wrap her little baby fists around it and yank until Yohji yells. Thus by default she loves being held by Yohji, because it gives her ample opportunities to pull his hair.

"Yohji, you shouldn't have said anything, but now that you have she knows you're there. I'm not going to stand here and try to feed her when she wants to be held by you. It's an exercise in futility. Now you take her and you feed her!" Ken says stubbornly.

Yohji groans. He's more uncomfortable holding Kaori-chan than anything else. He's afraid he's going to break her. He steps out from behind the fichus plant and holds out his arms. "Fine," he grumbles. Ken hands her over and she squeals with joy.

"Hi there, Tater-tot, come and be a good girl for Uncle Yohji," he says nervously. Ken hands him the bottle and as Yohji leans forward to take it Kaori grabs a good fist full of hair. She yanks. Yohji yells. She squeals with delight. "Ok, ok, Tater-tot, that's quite enough of that! Itaiiii!! Let's let go of Uncle Yotan's hair now. C'mon! I've got a bottle for you."

Ken helps pry her little finger loose as Yohji stuffs the bottle into her mouth. Kaori-chan is momentarily distracted by the warm formula and lets go. "I hope she gets over this hair pulling thing, no niece of mine if gonna be a hair-puller in a fight," Yohji grumbles.

I laugh. "You and Aya-kun, both complain about her pulling your hair. If it bothers you so much, you ought to get it cut," I say.

Yohji looks horrified, "Cut off my golden locks?! Omittchi, you are insane to even suggest it! It drives the women crazy."

"Yeah, especially nine-month olds," I say, giggling.

Yohji glares at me and disappears with Kaori behind the fichus again. Ken shakes his head and walks back over to Aya.

"Ran?" he says. He's been calling Aya by his real name ever since they got married. Yohji and I have both tried to make the conversion, but it's really hard. I've gotten to the point where it's fifty/fifty what's going to come out of my mouth, but Yohji just gave up and usually just calls him Fujimaya. The best was when Yohji started calling him 'Raya' and couldn't stop even though it really pissed Aya off. Funny though... I still think of him as Aya...even though I try to call him Ran. I think we all do, even Ken.

"Ran? You wanna go and get some lunch, koi," he asks.

"Yeah, as soon as Kaori's done eating we can go."

Ken rolls his eyes. "C'mon, Ran, we can leave her here with Omi and Yohji. Besides, I think it would be nice to have lunch together without worrying about changing diapers or about spontaneous projectile vomiting. Don't you?"

Aya can tell that Ken wants to spend time with him, and I can see the struggle in his eyes. He wants to be alone with Ken just as badly, but he doesn't want to leave Kaori-chan.

I smile, "It's ok, Ran-kun, I promise I won't let anything happen to Kaori- chan while you're gone. I'll even put on the carrier. She always goes right to sleep for me, you know. And Yohji's the best baby burper in the history of baby burpers."

Yohji groans from behind the fichus. "Just because I'm good at it, doesn't mean I enjoy it," he mumbles.

Aya furrows his brows, and is about to say something.

"C'mon, Ran, it's just for an hour or so. I really want to spend some time alone," Ken says softly.

Aya gives in. He always does when it comes to Ken. "Ok," is all he says as he takes off the carrier and walks over to give it to me. He gives me the patented Aya Fujimaya 'if anything happens I will disembowel you with my katana' glare and I just smile back at him brightly.

"Have fun you two," I call after them as they walk out of the shop together. I turn and smile at Yohji. He smiles back and tilts Kaori- chan's bottle up so that the last little bit can be sucked out.

"How did we ever come to this, Omittchi?"

I shake my head, "I have no idea, Yotan, but somehow, I'm glad we did."



* * * *



"Uncle Yohji! I'm gonna get you!" she cries jumping out from behind the sofa. She's wearing that stupid cowboy hat Omi gave her for her last birthday. She makes a gun with her fingers and shoots at me "Shiii-ne! Bang bang! I got you!"

"Ohhh, itai!" I gasp, clutching at my chest and toppling over onto the floor. "Oh, you got me, pardner." I lie there, sprawled out on the floor silent and motionless.

"Uncle Yohji, you're so silly!" she walks towards me. "Uncle Yohji?" She comes closer. "I didn't really shoot 'cha," she says poking me with her toe. I don't move. She pokes me again. This time I roar and grab her, pulling her to the floor and tickling her ferociously.

She squeals in delight, kicking and giggling trying to get away. I pin her down and blow on her tummy. She laughs even harder. She reminds me of Ken so much. And yet, sometimes I can see the part of her that shares genes with Aya too. Didn't she just yell 'shi-ne' when she jumped out from behind the couch? I try not to dwell on what that might mean.

I roll over onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I can't believe she's gotten so big. It's been over three years now since Aya and Ken brought her home from the clinic. And a lot has happened in that time. I just finalized my first divorce. That's why I'm back here, pulling baby-sitting duty while the others are out on a mission.

The image of my ex-wife floats up before my eyes. Poor Rikuko. She hadn't asked for any of the shit I put her through. I can't believe that I couldn't stay married for more than a year and a half. Granted I should have know that two weeks was not long enough to wait before popping the question, but I'm not sure I had expected her to say yes. Well we went through with it, tied the knot and I moved out of the Koneko and into her grand estate uptown. Yep, I went and married me a rich woman. I walked out of nothing and into everything and now that it's over I've got nothing she wants, so I'm back to where I was, and plus some. I wasn't going to let her keep everything. And since her income is significantly larger than mine: tra la la, she's paying –me- alimony.

Still. I did love her. I still do. I'd have stuck it out if she'd wanted me to. But she really didn't understand the whole out till all hours with no warning and no explanation part of my life. I tried to tell her as much as I could. But in the end it wasn't enough. She couldn't take me coming home battered and bruised, smelling like blood without a clear reason why, and that was the one thing I couldn't give her. Poor Rikuko. Poor Kenji.

Oh yes, we had spawn. Singular spawn. And on the day he was born I finally understood why Ken had passed out in that weird delivery room the night Kaori was 'born.'

That was five months ago. My son was only five months old and I was already as good as estranged for the rest of his life. I am doomed to become on of those Sunday fathers who take their kid to the park once a week and maybe out to a movie every once in a while. It isn't what I wanted, but I didn't have much joint in the joint-custody agreement that had been worked out. I think once he gets to be five I have the right to have him every other summer and minor holidays. I can't wait.

On reflection it's probably better this way. He deserves the best, and Rikuko will be able to give him that. What can I give him? A flower shop, three jaded uncles, and the legacy of a killer. Go me.

Kaori climbs up onto my chest and sits there. "What'cha thinkin', Uncle Yohji?"

"I'm thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life."

"Nuh-uh, you're just sayin' that!"

"Nope, I promise that's what I was thinking."

She leans down and throws her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek. "I love you, Uncle Yohji!"

"I love you too, Tater-tot."

I put my arms around her little body and we stay like that for a few minutes. "When are my daddies and Uncle Omi gonna get back?" she asks sleepily.

"I dunno, princess. You wanna get in your pj's and watch TV till they do?"

She thinks about this for a moment. "Yeah."

I pick her up and walk with her into her room. Ken's old room. That was so long ago. Years and years. What was it now? Five years since he and Aya tied the knot? Something like that. Yeah that sounded about right. They were together for a year and a half before that, and that wasn't until after we'd moved to Kyoto... man we were all getting old. I was almost thirty. This thought made my breath come shallow.

I stand her up on her bed and whisk her out of her clothes and into her nighttime diaper so fast that it makes her giggle. I pull her nighty down over her head and tickle her tummy. I pick her up again and carry her back into the living room.

"Uncle Yotan?" she asks quietly.

"Yes, Tater-tot?"

"Do you think Uncle Omi and Auntie Aya are gonna get married?"

I freeze in my tracks. I process what she said again. "What do you mean, Tater-tot, why do you ask?"

She shrugs against me, "Just asking."

I start to walk again. "Did they say they were going to? Why do you think they might?"

She shifts in my arms. "Um, promise not to tell my daddies?"

"No, but tell me anyway."

She always laughs at how honest I am with her. So she tells me anyway. "Well, cause I saw Uncle and Auntie kissing one time while you were still living with Aunt Rikuko. Cause while you were gone Auntie Aya came and lived with us here in your room cause she was outta school and all growed up and wanted to stay here, so everyone said she could."

I know that Aya-chan lived at the Koneko for a while after she graduated from college. She'd moved out just shortly before I finalized with Rikuko. I hadn't heard anything about an Aya-chan/Omi romance, but the thought wasn't completely out in left field.

"Yes I know that, Tater-tot, are you sure they weren't just friendly kissing? To say good-bye or something?"

"Huh-uh. They were kissing like my daddies do sometimes when they think I'm not awake. I don't think that Uncle and Auntie know I saw either. And Uncle said, 'Ran-kun is going to kill me!' and Auntie said 'Ran isn't in charge of what we do.' They said some other stuff too, but it was all confusing and grown-uppish. Uncle Yohji, why would papa want to kill Uncle Omi for kissing Auntie Aya? Isn't it good if they are in love? I hope they are and that they get married cause then maybe Aunty Aya will come back and live with us!"

"That would be nice, huh?" I say sitting down on the couch with Kaori on my lap. She snuggles up against my chest and nestles into the crook of my arm. I turn on the TV. "What do you want to watch, Tater-tot?"

"Soccer," she says solemnly.

"Well," I say chuckling, "I don't know if I can find any soccer, but I'll try. How does cartoons sound if we can't find any?"

She thinks it over. "Ok, I guess." I flip through the channels idly. She become impatient and takes the controller from me and turns it right to the sports network. And there it is: soccer. She sighs in satisfaction and watches the screen with wide eyes. Before too long I can hear her steady breathing and I know she's fallen asleep. My plan worked. I change the channel.

A couple hours later I hear the door open. Voices come from the hallway. My three teammates come marching in all decked out in assassin gear. Funny how everything else has changed, but our wardrobes haven't. Ken's still wearing his leather jacket with the useless orange sweater around his waist. Omi, even though he outgrew his adolescent genkiness several years ago, is still wearing shorts, knee socks, and a baggy sweatshirt. And Aya is still Aya when he's killing. All leather trench coat and buckles. I think of the fact that I still wear that crop top and then connect this with the fact that I'm almost thirty. I shudder.

"Hey there, sexies," I say softly from the couch. They all turn to look at me. Ken and Aya are immediately back in father mode as soon as they see Kaori curled up in my lap.

"Aw, she's so precious. C'mon, koi, let's put her to bed," Ken says shedding his claws.

"Ok, or don't acknowledge my existence," I say as I hand Kaori-chan off to Ken's waiting arms.

Ken smiles, "Thanks for staying with her, Yohji."

"Anytime, boys, anytime. Now you two run along and put the princess to bed. Omi and I have something to talk about."

Omi looks at me with his big eyes, ok so he hasn't completely outgrown his genkiness. "We do?"

"Oh, yes, Omittchi. Children say the darndest things, you know?"



* * * *



I run my hand over his body. He still quivers when I touch him. Even after all this time he still quivers. He sucks air between his teeth. "Ah... Ran...." he says softly.

I roll over on top of him, straddling his hips. He rises slightly beneath me, wanting to meet me halfway, but I don't let him make contact. He groans and falls back to the bed. "Ran...," he sighs, closing his eyes. I lean down and kiss him on the lips. He opens his mouth to me, but I tease him. I don't take his invitation and I pull away. He grumbles and reaches up to tangle his hands in my hair. "Stop jerking me around," he says hoarsely.

"I thought you liked it when I jerked you around," I say softly, biting the soft place below his ear.

"Sadistic bastard," he moans.

"You know you like it," I respond. He doesn't answer because I'm right.

I kiss him again and this time he isn't so quick to comply. He makes me work a little bit to get access. I like that. But in the end I win, because he wants me to. I kiss him deeply, plunging my tongue into his mouth, running it over his smooth teeth and teasing his sensitive lips. He groans into me. I can't help it, I groan back.

We haven't done this in a long time. Things keep getting in the way. Work, worries, Yohji's second wife (don't ask), and of course Omi and Aya- chan. We make love, but it's hard to make love like –this- when you are afraid your little sister will hear you. But tonight they have gone out. We can do this.

Of course there is that other thing that keeps getting in the way.... There's a soft knock on the door.

I pull away from his mouth hurriedly and roll back over. "Shit," Ken breathes. "Not again."

The knock comes again and this time the door opens slightly. "Daddy? Papa?" a tiny voice calls out. There are tears in that voice. I forget about making Ken scream, I forget about wanting him so badly it hurts, I forget that Omi and Aya are out tonight.

"What is it, Kaori-chan?" I call softly. Ken sits up beside me. He hasn't forgotten. He grumbles. I glare at him and he rolls his eyes.

"I had a bad dream, can I come in?" she calls out softly from where she is hanging on the door knob.

"Of course, sweetheart," I say. Ken punches my arm. I glare at him, "She needs us, Ken! She's our daughter," I hiss.

Ken sighs. I swing my legs out of the bed. Good thing I hadn't taken off my pajama pants. I stand and walk to my daughter in the middle of the room. I squat down and she throws herself into my arms, clasping me around the neck. She squeezes me tightly. The kind of squeeze that means, "I'm so afraid, Daddy." I pick her up and carry her to the bed. I sit down with her there and rock her slowly back and forth.

"What was your dream about?" I ask gently.

"Monsters," she says. "Big mean monsters. And they were going to eat you and Daddy and Uncle Yohji and Aunt Asami and Uncle Omi and Auntie Aya and everybody. They were really bad and scary."

"That sounds awful," I say smoothing her hair.

"It was. I don't want monsters to eat me."

"Don't worry. I'd never let monsters eat you or your Daddy or your uncles or you aunts," I'd rather die first, I think.

"Papa?"

"Hm?"

"Can I sleep with you and Daddy?"

I hear Ken make a funny sound and I think it over before answering. "I don't think that's a good idea, honey. Daddy doesn't feel good. How about I take you back to your room and tuck you in and sing you a song and lie with you until you fall alseep? Is that ok?"

Kaori-chan looks past my shoulder at Ken who is sitting up, staring at the ceiling. She crawls out of my arms. "What's wrong with, Daddy?" she asks innocently. She kneels at his side and touches his arm.

"He's very tired," I say.

"Oh... I hope you feel better, Daddy, and aren't tired anymore," she says throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "I love you, Daddy."

As bad as Ken is with late night parenting he melts. He always does. He smiles broadly and puts his arms around our daughter and holds her close. "I love you waaaay more!" he says fiercely. Then he kisses her face all over and starts to tickle her. She dissolves into giggles and falls back on the bed.

Once again he's done what I can never do. He's taken away her fear in two seconds. She's not afraid of monsters any more. She's not afraid of anything, she's just a sleepy little girl being tickled by her Daddy. I try to be gentle and kind and soothing, but she doesn't really want that. She wants to be tickled mercilessly by Ken.

She flops back over and rolls away from him. Ken's not angry any more. He smiles at us both. Kaori takes my hand. "Will you take me to bed now, Papa?" she asks rubbing her eyes.

"Oh course, honey," I say. I stand and pick her up, cradling her in my arms. "G'night, Daddy."

"Sleep-tight, Kaori-hime"

She giggles at this and curls up against my chest. I walk her back into her room, the room I painted yellow. The room where Ken used to sleep. Where we used to make love. I set out daughter down on her bed and sit next to her as she gets under the covers. I tuck her in and sing her a lullaby that I somehow know. I lie down next to her and in minutes she is asleep. I stand again and simply watch her sleep. My heart feels like it might break just looking at her. There she is, perfect. The product of pure love. Two halves and one whole made up of the two people I love more than anything in this world. That is why I love her so much. Not because she is mine, but because she is Ken and Aya-chan. She is all their warmth, all their smiles, all their love, and all their spirit in a living, breathing, tangible form. I love her because she is a part of them. I know I would not love her as much if she was truly my child. I don't value myself enough. I'd see the things I hate about myself in her and that would break me. I hate nothing about Ken or Aya-chan. I have only unending love for our child.

I don't hear him come up behind me. It isn't until I feel his arms slip around my waist that I know he is there. I don't say anything. He pulls me closer to his body. I turn in his arms so that we are facing each other and I kiss him tenderly. He reaches up to touch my face and tug on one of my ear-tails. I'm thinking about cutting them off. I'm getting too old for cutting edge style. I put my finger to my lips and we walk out of the room, closing the door behind us. In the hallway he wraps his arms around me again and I back him against the wall.

"You're so good with her, koi," he whispers to me.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I laugh. "I was just thinking the same thing about you. I tried to calm her fears, but all you had to do was give her a hug and a tickle. She loves you so much, Ken."

"Me? Yeah right, I'm Mr. Self-absorbed. I was ready to tell her to go back to bed so that I could fuck you. But no, you have to be all parental and caring. I envy you that. I'm not very good at being a good parent in the middle of the night."

I hold him closer and rock my hips against his. "Well the night's still young, Kenken."

He licks his lips and laughs throatily, "You haven't called me that in forever, Aya-kun."

Now it's my turn to laugh, "Aya-kun, huh? Talk about haven't been called in forever. So it's gonna be Kenken and Aya-kun, huh?"

This time he licks my lips. "I most certainly hope so."

We kiss like we haven't kissed since we first realized that our feeling for each other were something more than friendly. It's intense. I love it. "I'm going to fuck you stupid," he hisses in my ear.

"I most certainly hope so."