Disclaimer: See chapters 1 & 2.
Comments: Oh my God! I –finally- go around to writing a third installment of the Baby Talk. I'm sorry that it took soooo long, but I was having trouble coming up with interesting things. And besides that I got a little out of control with my other multi-part fic. Add the full time job and the dog walking and the need for sleep… well it just took a while. Hopefully this one is good. I hope so. I especially like Youji's part in this one… you'll see why. It's silly. Have fun. R&R if you value your life!! Actually I have now power over your life, but if I did…. No please do R&R. I like to know what you think!
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"Eiiiiiaaaa, raeieieiei! Blbth thbpt thbpt theeeee, aaaahhhhhh!" It's the sound of inarticulate, uncontained joy, and it fills every corner of my head, making my ears ring, making my eyes water, making me want to scream. Kaori has discovered the power of her voice. If she's awake she's making noise.
Two more customers cover their ears and hurry from the store. The bell jingles, "Thanks for coming," I call after them. I'm surprised people even come in here at all anymore.
I look over at my daughter and see Youji grating his teeth, trying desperately not to drop the potted rose bush he's holding. I set down the clipboard in my hands and quickly walk over to her. She looks up at me with adoration and squeals in delight.
"Yeeeeaaaahhhh! Aieeee…." She bounces a million miles a minute in her Johnny Jump-up, which dangles from a beam in the ceiling. Her feet push off from the ground. I wonder how long until she'll be walking. Boing boing boing.
"Oh, what a sound, Kao-chan. What an unbelievable sound," I say waving my hands at her. She reaches up and waves back, little fingers flexing in the air. "You want up? You want Daddy to pick you up so maybe you will stop screeching like a banshee?" I ask in baby talk. She's such a good little girl, but so loud. Guess she takes after me like that. I stoop to pick her up, slinging her over my shoulder and tapping her diapered bottom. She bites my shoulder and drools. I love it when she gums me. Of course at this stage she's gumming everything.
I start to walk her around the shop. She reaches out to grab anything within reach. She gets a good handful of fichus leaves as we walk by. Youji balks, he has a special relationship with that fichus. It's the only plant in the place he actually likes. "Aw, Ken, did you see what she just did?"
"EEEyaahhh!" She squirms as we walk by Youji. She drops the leaves and makes grabby fists at him.
"Not this time, Tater-tot. Uncle Youji knows your hair-pulling ways," he says smiling at her over the top of the rose bush. "Yeah, just keep on walking, Ken."
"Isn't he a meany, Kaori-chan?" I ask, patting her back. "Wave to mean Uncle Youji."
"You're just looking for someone to pawn her off on," Youji says.
"Now why would I want to do that?" I ask. "I love my little princess, but Daddy needs to do inventory, yes he does, yes he does." I look around. Where has the bishounen gotten off to? "Omi?!" I call.
"Oh, no you don't, Ken," I hear from the back. "I'm potting, there's no way I'm going to sit Kaori."
"Oh come on, Omittchi, somebody has to hold her or else she's going to sit here and scream. Customers are leaving, and I need to do the inventory."
"What makes you think I don't have work to do? These plants are so root- bound they are going to go into shock soon. And where's our fearless leader? I haven't seen him down here hardly at all lately. Where is Aya?"
"Tokyo, probably in class right now," I say. There's a pause from the back room as Omi tries to figure out what I've said.
"Fine, where's –Ran-?"
"Oh, -he's- upstairs. Today's his day off, and he's not feeling well. Or something," I say vaguely.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Omi says coming out from the back room, hands on hips. He's covered in potting soil, a streak of dirt on his left cheek.
"Yeah. What's the 'or something?'" Youji asks, setting the rose bush down.
Kaori wriggles in my arms so I shift her slightly. I shrug. "He just hasn't been feeling well lately."
They both stare at me blankly, waiting for elaboration. "And that means… what?" Omi says at length.
"Yeah, Ken, you're the one who's married to the guy. Is Aya ok?" Youji adds.
I look back and forth between them and shrug. "It's… the insomnia again. You know how he gets. He hasn't slept hardly at all in the past week or so. And when he does sleep he has those dreams. The freaky ones. And of course there are always the headaches…. It's catching up to him."
Youji nods and then turns to go back to his plant. "Yeah, I can feel that, but he should really go see a doctor or something. There are meds you can get for insomnia. Anti-anxiety stuff. You'd really think Kritiker would cover us on that shit…."
"The last thing Ran's going to agree to do is start popping pills," I say. "He still keeps it all pent up inside sometimes. It's best just to leave him alone. He usually comes out of it when he's ready."
"Maybe you should go up and see him. He might like to have Kaori," Omi suggests.
I sigh and swing Kaori down from my shoulder and hold her out in front of me. "I suppose it can't hurt to ask. I hoped he might be able to get some sleep today, but with Kaori-chan up there with him that isn't going to happen."
"Maybe he'd like a little cheering up as much as some sleep. You know how much he loves Kaori; she always makes him smile," Youji adds. "And then we might get some customers back in here."
Omi and Youji both look at me, hands on hips. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I want Ran to get some rest, he needs it, he deserves it, but Kaori is making life unbearable for all of us in the shop… and Ran is her father too. I sigh and put Kaori-chan back on my shoulder. "Alright. I'll go and see him. But if he isn't feeling well I'm bringing her back down here with us."
"Fine," Youji says going back to the rose bush.
"Five minutes would be enough," Omi sighs.
I walk out of the shop and into the back, up the stairs and into our living space. It's quiet. So very quiet. Kaori babbles on my shoulder and tugs gently at my ear.
"Ran?" I call softly. No response. Maybe he finally fell asleep. I wander around past the kitchen area and towards the couches. I look over the back, but he isn't lying there. I walk down the hallway to our room and peer inside. "Koi?"
"Hm?"
I blink into the gloom. The shades are drawn, and I can see him lying on top of the bed, still in his pajamas, arm draped over eyes. My heart goes out to him. I wish he'd let me help. I walk into the room, holding Kaori up with one arm. I stand beside the bed and he reaches up slowly, searching for my hand. I hold it out and he laces his fingers in mine, squeezing slightly. "Are you off already?" he asks softly.
"No. I wanted to come and see how you were doing. I brought Kao-chan," I answer. She makes a high-pitched squeal at the sound of her own name. Ran pulls his arm away from his eyes and looks up at us. He looks so tired, his eyes are rimmed in dark circles and the whites are run through with red streaks. He tries to smile. He fails.
"Set her down on the bed," he says, patting it with his free hand. "And then come here."
I lean over his body and place our baby on the far side. She rolls happily onto her back and coos softly to herself. Before I can stand up again, he reaches up and pulls me down next to him. Our hands stay clasped as I curl up beside his body. I rest my head on his chest and listen to his steady breathing. I wrap my free arm around him and gently stroke his side. He lays perfectly still, his arm resting by his side. "Feeling any better?" I ask quietly.
"Much, now," he answers.
I kiss his neck sweetly. He makes a very low purring sound in the back of his throat. "What can I do?" I whisper.
"Go back to work. Inventory needs to get done," he answers, but tightens his fingers around mine.
"Very, funny, koi."
"I mean it. As much as I want you to stay right here with me it isn't going to help either of us. It won't help me sleep and it won't help you get inventory done."
I snuggle closer, tightening my arm around him. "Maybe if you talked to me…."
"Ken…." He growls.
"What is it, Ran? You promised me you'd never hold it in again," I whisper, touching his face.
He looks down into my eyes. I want to make the pain I find there go away. I want to help. "I know, aité. But you already know what it is. It's the same old shit. The same shit you feel, the same shit we all deal with. It just catches up with me now and then."
"Yes, but…," I begin.
"I'm not like you, aité, talking it out doesn't make it go away for me. I just need to work through it on my own. I'll find peace sooner or later."
"I feel so useless to you," I murmur. Kaori-chan begins to babble to herself softly and crawls up onto Ran's stomach, drooling on his shirt a little. He reaches down and softly runs his fingers over her fine, dark head. He smiles distantly at the touch. Then he looks over at me and tilts my chin up slightly. He just likes to touch my face.
"Never, ever feel that way, Ken. If it weren't for you I'd be a soulless vacuum by now. You saved my soul, aité. You can't do everything for me."
"I know but… I hate to see you hurting like this."
"Par for the course, Ken." He kisses my forehead and then falls back against the pillows, exhausted. "What I wouldn't give for five minutes of dreamless sleep," he hisses.
Kaori squeals happily, dragging herself up between us. She rests her head next to mine and breathes softly. I look over at her and smile. "Hi there, my little love," I say. She puts a tiny fist on my arm and then starts to drool on it. We lie like this for a few more minutes, just enjoying what it feels like to be a family. Eventually Ran jabs me and tries to pull his hand free of mine.
"Go back to work, aité. Just come back when you're done," he says thinly. "You do help just by being here."
I push away, leaning over to kiss his face softly and then stand up. "Um…."
"Yeah?"
"Can I leave Kao-chan with you, she screams unless we hold her and… we all have things to do," I say quickly.
Aya doesn't say anything, he just closes his eyes tightly.
"She's keeping customers out," I add lamely.
"Alright," he grumbles. "I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway."
"You know she's always so good for you, koibito."
"Yeah."
I smile down at both of them. Kaori rolls over onto her back and flips off of Ran's stomach, flopping onto the bed. She giggles and waves her hands at me. I wave back. "You be good for the father," I say. Ran makes an indefinable grunting sound. I touch his forehead and then walk to the doorway. I close the door most of the way behind me, and turn to peer back through the crack.
Ran shifts slightly and reaches out for Kaori. He picks her up and hoists her up above his head. She dangles between his strong hands and giggles softly. She reaches out and he brings her closer to his face. He smiles. She grabs his eartails, one in each hand and tugs. "I love you, Kaori. I love you more than you will ever know," he whispers to her. She makes a cooing sound and wiggles in his hands. He sets her down on his chest and plays with her little hands.
I smile. My chest hurts. Seeing them together fills me an indescribable feeling. It's heavy and warm, and makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I turn away slowly, leaving the door open a crack. I thank whatever god there may be that I have them both. I walk slowly back to the shop.
By the time we're closing up for the day I feel like I've counted every single plant in the whole world… twice. Who would have known we had that many multifida cristadas? Omi looks like he's been playing in a dirt pile, and Youji has rose thorns in every single finger. At least the rest of the day has been quiet. I whip off my apron and toss it into a corner.
"Ken! Hang it up where it goes," Omi calls after me as I head for the back.
"No can do, Omittchi. I've got a date."
"Lazy ass!" he shouts as I bound up the stairs. I turn down the hallway and jog to our room. I push the door open and stop. "Ran…." I whisper softly. But he doesn't respond. He's lying on his back, Kaori curled up on his chest. One of his hands rests gently on her tiny back, the other is on his chest and it rises and falls steadily with his breathing. They're both fast asleep. I smile, my heart filled with joy. I turn and shut the door all the way behind me.
I walk slowly back to the shop, cross the floor and stoop to pick up my apron. I walk to the rack and hang it up.
"Oh, I thought you had a 'date,'" Omi says sarcastically.
"Naw… no hurry."
* * * * * *
"Around the other way! Head her off at the sofa!" Ken cries to me, snapping his fingers. I weave around the end table and hurtle the armchair.
"Ok, ok, I'm trying!" I cry. Kaori has mastered the art of walking. No, she has mastered the art of running. She's so fast! She zips around the floor like some sort of insect. She knows it's time to change her diaper, and she's not having any. Ken and I have been making monkeys of ourselves for almost five minutes. Youji, on the other hand, has been laughing at us and not been very helpful at all. Aya-kun, of course, is nowhere to be seen. So Ken and I race around the apartment trying to catch a speed demon stink bomb.
"Now drive her this way!" he cries.
"What way?! You're on the other side of the couch! She's just gonna go behind the TV again. Isn't there a better way to do this?!" I shout, attempting to scoop up the miniature racer as she evades me once again. She squeals in delight. This is just a big game of tag as far as she's concerned.
Youji doubles up with laughter again. "You could be helping us out, Youji!" I snap at him as I slide around the coffee table.
"I would, but I don't live here anymore. Besides watching you two is much more fun," he says between bouts of laughter.
"This way! This way, Omi-kun!" Ken calls.
"Fine!" I growl "Koa-chan, come to Uncle Omi!"
She giggles and teeters slightly as she makes her way around the couch.
"That's it! We'll head her off. You close from that side and I'll close from this side. We'll cut her off!" Ken cries triumphantly.
You'd think that two professional assassins would be able to use some of the dexterity required for such a profession to catch a single baby. I mean, Jesus, I've chased down vicious criminals, out raced get away vehicles, and escaped from very cramped quarters, but this is impossible.
"Ok, now!" Ken cries as we close on Kaori-chan. She toddles onward and I watch as Ken stoops to catch her. I rush forward in case he fails. We both fail. At the last moment Kaori-chan feints and races away from both of us. Ken and I collide and both go sprawling, tripping over each other. Ken ends up flat on his ass, I end up in Ken's lap. Kaori streaks across the room straight to Youji's feet. She screeches to a halt and looks up at him.
"Ouji!" she cries. He raises and eyebrow and stops laughing. He bends down easily and picks her up under the arms. Ken, who has propped himself up on his arms groans and falls back to the floor.
"Typical," he mutters.
"Whoo-ee, I think someone's a little stinky, huh Tater-tot?" Youji coos to Kaori, holding her at arms length. Of course things only get better. At that instant Aya walks in. He looks over at Youji. Youji walks to him and deposits Kaori into his arms. "I think you might want to do something about his," he says in that Youji drawl. Then he hitches a thumb at Ken and me and says, "You might want to do something about that too…."
Aya's narrow eyes swivel around. "What the hell are you two doing?" I'm out of Ken's lap like there's a rocket lit under my ass. The last thing I want is Aya thinking I'm deviating with his 'aité.' Sorry, but I like my head where it is.
Ken grumbles as he sits up. "We –were- trying to catch that little bundle of joy in your arms, but as you can see it didn't quite work out."
Aya looks confused and he looks back at Youji. "Did I miss something?"
"Not much, Fujimaya, not much," Youji replies starting to walk away. "But I'd keep my eyes on the little one if I were you."
Aya's eyes dart back to me and narrow. I balk. "Not me!" I cry, pointing, "Kaori-chan!"
Ken giggles. "'It's a madhouse! A madhouse!'"
I cross my arms and go to sit on the couch. Now I'm grumpy. "I don't know why I even bother," I grumble.
Ken gets up and leans over the back of the couch. He ruffles my hair. "Because you're –such- a good uncle, Omi-kun."
"Yeah, well now she's caught so just go and change that diaper before she kills everything that lives here," I say pulling my head away. Ken giggles again and I hear him take Kaori from Aya. It's been weird ever since Youji moved out to live with his –wife- (wrap you mind around that would ya?). Now I feel like an interloper living in Ken and Aya's house, because it's them and Kaori and… me. I'm always afraid that I'm going to start intruding on them or something. When Youji was here I never felt like that because then we were all just roommates like always, but now that he's gone I'm starting to feel like the proverbial 'red-headed step child.' Should I start thinking about finding a place of my own? I thought the point was that we all lived together… but….
"Ok, stinky, let's get you cleaned up," he says happily. Kaori makes a discontented sound and fusses. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It's probably nice and warm, right? But it's making your uncle a little grumpy…." He coos. He walks away.
Aya comes around the other side of the couch and sits down next to me. I look over at him, arms still crossed across my chest. "And where have you been? You could have been helping. Knowing Kaori she would probably have just come to you," I snap.
Aya looks over at me blandly. "I was talking to Aya on the phone."
I swallow. "Oh." I think about Aya-kun's little sister for a moment. I remember the strange telephone conversation she and I had all those months ago.
"She's going to come and visit as soon as finals are over. She's thinking about moving in for a while after graduation…. Hope you don't mind."
I smile slightly and shake my head. "Not at all." Not at all….
* * * * * *
They thought I was crazy. They were so clueless. 'Why do you want to dig that big hole behind the shop, Youji?' they asked. 'Won't it get in the way of the shed?' 'What are you doing with all that potting soil?' Hah! Clueless! I am the most awesome adult I know.
I shovel the very last load of dirt out of the large, shallow hole I have created. It's perfect. It's just about two feet deep, a little more near the middle. I wish I'd had an uncle like me when I was a kid… or a father like me for that matter. Now where the hell did I put that hose? Oh yeah, it's back in the Koneko… hope Ken wasn't planning on watering any plants right now.
Tough luck for him.
I glance over at Kaori-chan and Kenji-kun. They're both lying on the ground. Kaori looks up at me and rolls her eyes. "Are you almost done yet, Uncle Youji?"
"Almost, Tater-tot, almost."
"Huwy, Dad, I'd borwed," Kenji adds. He rubs at his eyes and runs and hand through his fair hair. It's even lighter than mine. I wonder where he got it. Rikuko's hair is dark. Must be those recessive genes. He blinks at me with big, green eyes. Rikuko's eyes. He yawns.
"Stop yawning," Kaori snaps, hitting his leg. "You'll make me start too."
I grin at the kids and wink. "Just hang in there, you two. It's gonna be worth it."
I've been working on this for over two weeks. It's finally ready. "Stay here," I say and then duck into the Koneko. I look around quickly, making sure the others aren't watching. I'm on babysitting duty this afternoon, which means I'm supposed to be responsible. Yeah, whatever. I see the hose. I dive for it. It's mine! Victory! I race from the shop, unraveling hose as I go. Out into the greenhouse and into the back yard. "You two ready for some fun?"
"Yeah!" they cry in tandem. I wink. "Ok, then just one more thing."
They both sigh and sit back again. I set the hose down and walk into the shed. I drag out four bags full of potting soil and two bags of peat. It'll add texture. I grin to myself. I'm so cool. I rip open the first bag and dump it into the pit.
"Ok kids, now as I dump this stuff in there you guys spread it around so it's nice and even. And make sure you mix the peat in really well, ok?"
"'K," Kaori says, getting up and pulling Kenji with her. They both crawl into the pit and start throwing dirt clods at each other. That'll work. By the time I get all the bags empty the pit is filled about halfway with dirt and peat. Good. I smile down at Kaori.
"Ok, Tater-tot, now it's show time. Go turn that hose on, but don't let your dads or Uncle Omi see you, ok?"
She smiles deviously and winks. "Sure thing, Uncle Youji." She scampers off into the greenhouse. I watch her go and then look down at my son who is sitting waist deep in potting soil. He looks up at me.
"This isn't gonna make Mom mad is it?" he asks.
I shake my head. "Naw, what your mother doesn't know can't hurt her."
"Ok," he says slowly, blowing a piece of hair out of his eyes. He's very astute for a three year old. He throws a clod of dirt up into the air and lets it fall. He looks down. "Daddy?"
"Yeah, kiddo?"
"Um… is this what Mom means bout you being ir'sponzible," he asks solemnly.
"What? When did your mother say that?"
"She says it lots of times. She says you're ir'sponzilbe and that I shouldn do things with you that are ir'sponzible," he answers looking up at me with his big eyes.
I run a hand through my hair. Shit. You know something's fucked up when you own kid calls you irresponsible. I squat down and look at him directly. I reach my hand out to him and ruffle his hair. "Well, kiddo, just maybe your old man's a little irresponsible, but I'd never do anything to get you hurt of in trouble. When it comes to that I'm the most responsible guy you've ever met," I say smiling sadly.
He grins back at me. "So I don't have to tell mom?"
"Not unless you want to."
"'K!"
Just then the hose leaps into life and starts to spurt water at us. Kenji screams gleefully and stands up, tossing dirt into the air. Kaori comes running back out of the Koneko and claps her hands. "They didn't see!"
"Good job, Tater-tot. One day you might just follow in the foot steps," I say under my breath walking over to the hose. I hold it above the pit and let water spurt into it. After a minute I realize this is going to take a while.
"What do you two say we leave the hose on here and go get some lunch?"
"YEAH!!"
I set the hose down at the lip of the pit and grin at my own handiwork. I'm a genius.
Fifteen minuets later we are done with our sandwiches and I march the kids back into the shed yard. "Perfect," I say looking at the pit. "Ok, Kaori- chan, go turn it off the hose and let's get to churning." This is gonna be sweet.
Victim #1: "Where's the hose gone off to?" Ken asks looking around the shop. "Oh there it goes… I wonder what in the world it's doing in the greenhouse…."
I breach out of the mud, brown glop flowing down my face. "I am the mud monster, raaahhh!" The kids squeal and I lunge at Kaori, scooping her up and tossing her into the middle of the pit. She hits with a squishy glorp sound and goes under. When she comes back up she shakes furiously sending bits of peat and mud flying through the air.
"Whee! I'm gonna get you, Uncle Youji!" she cries diving into the gloppy mess.
I go under again as best I can and when I surface again, making a dull roaring sound, I notice that things are oddly quiet. I feel a little hand tap me urgently on the shoulder. I wipe the mud away from my eyes and look up. Ken is standing, eyes wide with horror by the greenhouse door, holding the hose in one hand. "It's Uncle Ken!" Kenji cries.
I stand up quickly, covered in mud from head to foot. I pull a stray piece of peat out of my hair. "Oh, hey there, Ken," I say casually.
"Oh… my… God!" he cries. He looks like he's gonna bolt. And I can't have that. I can't have him alerting the others. I suddenly lunge out of the pit and rush him. He screams… like a girl, and tries to run, but he wasn't ready for me. I grab him and drag him to the mud hole I have created and dump him in. He flounders and sits in utter shock as the squishy, brown goo slowly eases itself around his body.
Kaori wades over to him and smiles into his face. "Hi, Daddy!" she cries and then unceremoniously lobs a large fistful of mud at his head.
"Raahhh!" I cry, jumping back in.
Victim #2: Omi flicks a piece of potting soil off his cheek and looks around. "Ran, where did Ken go? Wasn't he going to get the hose or something?" Ran shrugs. "I think he went out back," Omi trails off.
Ken and I hunker down in the deepest part of the pool, waiting. We're playing sharks and minnows and we're the sharks. Now if the kids would only get close enough so that we could grab them…. But they seem rather content to stand several feet away, throwing mud balls at us.
"Oh no," I hear. Ken and I look up at the same time. Omi is standing at the edge of the pit… dangerously close to the edge of the pit. His hands are on his hips. "I can't believe you two! Would you look at the kids?! Youji, just how much potting soil did you use in here!"
Ken and I glance at each other, a message passes silently between us. I look up and motion to the kids; they nod and start to climb out of the pit. We inch forward through the mud. Omi goes on railing about this and that. Typical Omi. He is so busy telling us why a mud pit is a bad idea that he doesn't realize what's happening until it's too late.
Ken and I both reach out of the pit at the same time, grabbing him behind the knees, making him buckle. The kids tip him forward and the rest is gravity. Omittchi mousse. He shrieks as he meets the mud face to face. Ken and I laugh hysterically and the kids jump back in, helping Omi sit up again. He grumbles loudly. Something about his favorite sweater vest.
Then Ken splatters mud across Omi's face and makes a war whoop sound, tackling the poor bishounen.
Victim #3: "What the fuck?!"
We've got this one all planned out. Ken is pressed up against the side of the green house. Omi is hiding behind the far bush. I'm the bait. The kids… well they're bait too, I guess. It doesn't take long. Aya comes out of the greenhouse… unsuspecting, but wary. He immediately zooms in on me and the pit of divinity that I have created. His eyes get so narrow they almost disappear.
"Youji, what the fu…," he begins. Then Ken comes up behind him and wraps his muddy arms around Aya's torso.
"Careful, koi, there are kids around!" he says.
"Ken, what are you doing?!"
Ken only giggles, picking Aya up off his feet. "Omi, help me!"
"Here I come," Omi cries jumping out from behind the bush. He rushes forward and grabs Aya's flailing legs.
"Argh! Ken you wouldn't dare! No… not in this shirt! This is my favorite sweater!" Aya cries, madly trying to get away. But he has little chance of that.
"If you insist, koi," Ken says smoothly, whipping Aya's shirt off in a blur of motion. It's amazing how good he is at that…. Ken tosses it back towards the greenhouse just as he and Omi give Aya the heave-ho into the mud pit.
He lands with a dull splat sound and then sits dangerously still as the mud oozes around him. I'm afraid to laugh. Something bad will happen if I do, I can see it in Aya's eyes. But I want to so badly it hurts. Omi and Ken are also waiting for a sign, wondering if they went too far.
Kenji wades forward in the mud and stands in front of Aya. He presses his hands against Aya's bare chest and smiles leaving two perfect mud handprints. "Mite! Uncle Ran's a Indian!"
Now we all burst into laughter, even Aya-kun. Then he gets up gruffly, but not without a good mud-lob to the head ala Kaori. She giggles and sinks down into the goo. Aya grumbles and wades to the edge of the pit. He gets out walks up to Ken. "You are so dead," he growls.
"Promise?"
Aya snarls and wipes a muddy hand down Ken's face. Ken giggles. Then Aya turns to Omi who is trying hard not to burst into laughter again. "And you," he growls, "we'll just see about having my blessing now. I don't think I need an underhanded sneak for a brother in law…."
Omi's eyes get wide and scared. "Ran-kun! That's not fair," he squeals.
"Now I'm going to have to close the shop so that at least one of us can get cleaned up," Aya says marching back into the greenhouse. I get out of the mud pit and tag along after him. I hear Ken and Omi go back to playing with the kids. I am such a genius.
Just as Aya enters the shop a little old couple come through the front door. They spy Aya, halfway covered in mud, shirtless, handprints on his chest, and turn around without a word and walk back out. Aya stands, speechless. I run into the shop and call after them. "Thanks, come again!"
* * * * * *
I'm watching her. She is very quiet today, much quieter than usual. Ever since she got home from school she' just been sitting on the couch, chin in hands. Now she's watching Aya-chan and Omi as they play with the twins. She shifts restlessly and sighs. She scratches her head with one hand. I walk over to her, leaning over the back of the couch.
"Hi," I say.
She looks up at me and blinks. "Hi, Papa."
"What are you thinking about?" I ask softly. She squints up her eyes and then shrugs. She tilts her head down and goes back to watching Aya and Omi. Chojiro giggles as he rolls onto his back. Omi leans over him and tickles his tummy. I watch Kaori. Her eyes dart to Aya as she tweaks Soushi's toes. Her eyes furrow slightly. I rest my hand on her head. "I'm going to my room," I say ruffling her dark hair.
"'K," she says.
I wonder what she's thinking about, the way she's acting just isn't like her. If Ken were here, she'd definitely tell him what was wrong, but she and I aren't so good with the talking, and Ken is off at another soccer game. I walk to the room I share with him and grab my book off my nightstand. I sit on the bed and lean back against the headboard. I pull my reading glasses out of the top drawer and out them on. I've just found my page when the door creaks open. Kaori is standing there stubbing her toe against the carpet.
I look up and close my book halfway, pushing my reading glasses up onto my fore head. "What is it, Kao-chan?"
She looks up at me and deliberates. Then she walks forward and closes the door behind her. "Can I ask you something, Papa?"
I nod. "Of course, my love." She comes closer to the bed and hops up next to me. She shifts and I put my book down, pulling her into my lap. She leans back against my chest and puts her head back against my shoulder. We just sit like that for a few minutes. The warmth of her body against mine is sweet and wonderful. I kiss the top of her head and snuffle her hair. I take her hands in mine and play with her fingers.
"Father?" she says at length.
"Yes?"
"Um…."
"What is it, Kao-chan? You can ask me anything," I say.
"Promise you won't get mad?"
I think about this for a moment. What on earth is she worried about now? Did she get in another fight at school? Did she lose her homework again? What now? "Ok, for now I promise."
"That's not a real promise."
"Well, if you've done something wrong I might get mad," I say.
She shakes her head. "No! It's nothing like that! It's a -question-," she says sharply rolling her eyes.
"Ok then, if it's just a question I won't get mad."
"'K then." She's silent again for a little while. She shifts in my lap. She's really getting too big to sit in my lap like this. She's heavy. I don't want her to grow up.
"What is it?" I ask again.
"Ok, fine. Papa…."
"Yeees?"
"Do I have a mommy?"
My heart feels like it has stopped beating. What I meant to say was, 'You can ask me anything but that….' Now what do I do? That's the loaded question, isn't it? How should I answer? The truth of the matter is rather complicated for an eight year old to absorb. Besides that I haven't talked to Ken or Aya-chan about this…. I can't just tell her the whole truth and nothing but the truth. There are too many feelings to consider.
Lucky for me, Kaori likes to talk. "Cause in school today we talked about how people have babies… kinda. Not really detailed, but our teacher said that you need a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. But I have two daddies… is that the same thing? Most people don't have two of one and none of the other… so where's my mommy? Only women have the special place in their tummy where babies grow, right? So… then… do I have a mommy? I've kinda got to, right? Aunty Aya is Chojiro and Soushi's mommy and Youji's son has a mommy, but… since I have you and Daddy… does that mean… what?"
She looks up at me, tilting her head back. I have no idea how to answer those questions. Once I explain one thing this conversation is going to snowball out of control. I clear my throat. "Well… of course you have a… a –biological mother-," I say hoarsely.
She squints up at me. "What's that mean?"
I look around in my head for the words. "Well… um… ok let me try to explain. You are right, Kao-chan, not many people have two daddies or two mommies. But your daddy and I love each other… like men and women do…."
"Cause you are homosexual," she says bluntly.
I blink down at her. "Yeah… wha…."
"I pretty much had it figured out a long time ago, but Uncle Youji helped explain the rest when I asked him," she says matter of factly.
With Youji I wonder just what 'the rest' entailed. "What did he tell you?"
"That you and Daddy are homosexual because you and he are the same gender. Homo means same and sexual means the gender of you sex. So you and Daddy are both boys, but you love each other the way married people do. So it's ok, Papa, I already understand that part," she says squeezing my fingers.
I nod. When did I miss all this? When did my daughter suddenly start understanding the quirks? "Ok… that's right. Are you ok with that?"
She giggles. "Of course. It's always been like that."
"Hn."
"So keep telling me… about what a 'biological mother' is."
"Umm… since your Daddy and I couldn't have children on our own we had a very nice lady help us. She gave us the female part to make you, and your daddy was the male part."
"And I lived in her tummy? In the special place and then she gave me to you?"
"No… you lived in a special tummy that wasn't a part of any woman. It was made especially for you and you grew inside of it in a hospital."
"So I don't have a mommy?!"
"No, you don't. You have a biological mother, a woman who is part of your genetic material, and two daddies who love you more than anything in the world."
Kaori thinks about this for a few moments. She's trying to digest and understand what I've just told her. "I think I understand…. Where is my 'biological mother' now? Did she ever get to see me since she made part of me? And wait… where are you? If daddy is the other part… where are you, Papa?"
"Right here." That's the answer to all of her questions. I wonder if she understands. I run my hand over her head and kiss it gently.
"So who is she?" she asks softly.
"Hmm… I can't tell you right now. Maybe someday."
Kaori fidgets and then sits back, resting her head against my shoulder again. I can tell that she's thinking. Her eyes blink rapidly. "Ok. That's ok. I just wanted to know if I had a mommy, and I don't so that's ok. All I really need is you and Daddy, anyhow. Plus I have Uncle Youji and Uncle Omi and Aunty Aya, and I bet she's better than any mommy could ever be."
I have to smile to myself. How very close to the truth you are, my little one. My love for you is all wrapped up in the two most wonderful people in the world. I wrap my arms around her, and squeeze her tightly against me. "I love you very much, Kaori-chan."
"I know. I love you too, Papa."
We sit together for a few minutes and then she gets up and runs happily to the door. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" I ask reaching for my book.
"I'm going to go and tell Uncle Omi and Aunty Aya what I learned! I bet they'll be surprised," she says happily, rushing out the door.
I smile, sliding my glasses down onto my nose. Won't they just?
Comments: Oh my God! I –finally- go around to writing a third installment of the Baby Talk. I'm sorry that it took soooo long, but I was having trouble coming up with interesting things. And besides that I got a little out of control with my other multi-part fic. Add the full time job and the dog walking and the need for sleep… well it just took a while. Hopefully this one is good. I hope so. I especially like Youji's part in this one… you'll see why. It's silly. Have fun. R&R if you value your life!! Actually I have now power over your life, but if I did…. No please do R&R. I like to know what you think!
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"Eiiiiiaaaa, raeieieiei! Blbth thbpt thbpt theeeee, aaaahhhhhh!" It's the sound of inarticulate, uncontained joy, and it fills every corner of my head, making my ears ring, making my eyes water, making me want to scream. Kaori has discovered the power of her voice. If she's awake she's making noise.
Two more customers cover their ears and hurry from the store. The bell jingles, "Thanks for coming," I call after them. I'm surprised people even come in here at all anymore.
I look over at my daughter and see Youji grating his teeth, trying desperately not to drop the potted rose bush he's holding. I set down the clipboard in my hands and quickly walk over to her. She looks up at me with adoration and squeals in delight.
"Yeeeeaaaahhhh! Aieeee…." She bounces a million miles a minute in her Johnny Jump-up, which dangles from a beam in the ceiling. Her feet push off from the ground. I wonder how long until she'll be walking. Boing boing boing.
"Oh, what a sound, Kao-chan. What an unbelievable sound," I say waving my hands at her. She reaches up and waves back, little fingers flexing in the air. "You want up? You want Daddy to pick you up so maybe you will stop screeching like a banshee?" I ask in baby talk. She's such a good little girl, but so loud. Guess she takes after me like that. I stoop to pick her up, slinging her over my shoulder and tapping her diapered bottom. She bites my shoulder and drools. I love it when she gums me. Of course at this stage she's gumming everything.
I start to walk her around the shop. She reaches out to grab anything within reach. She gets a good handful of fichus leaves as we walk by. Youji balks, he has a special relationship with that fichus. It's the only plant in the place he actually likes. "Aw, Ken, did you see what she just did?"
"EEEyaahhh!" She squirms as we walk by Youji. She drops the leaves and makes grabby fists at him.
"Not this time, Tater-tot. Uncle Youji knows your hair-pulling ways," he says smiling at her over the top of the rose bush. "Yeah, just keep on walking, Ken."
"Isn't he a meany, Kaori-chan?" I ask, patting her back. "Wave to mean Uncle Youji."
"You're just looking for someone to pawn her off on," Youji says.
"Now why would I want to do that?" I ask. "I love my little princess, but Daddy needs to do inventory, yes he does, yes he does." I look around. Where has the bishounen gotten off to? "Omi?!" I call.
"Oh, no you don't, Ken," I hear from the back. "I'm potting, there's no way I'm going to sit Kaori."
"Oh come on, Omittchi, somebody has to hold her or else she's going to sit here and scream. Customers are leaving, and I need to do the inventory."
"What makes you think I don't have work to do? These plants are so root- bound they are going to go into shock soon. And where's our fearless leader? I haven't seen him down here hardly at all lately. Where is Aya?"
"Tokyo, probably in class right now," I say. There's a pause from the back room as Omi tries to figure out what I've said.
"Fine, where's –Ran-?"
"Oh, -he's- upstairs. Today's his day off, and he's not feeling well. Or something," I say vaguely.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Omi says coming out from the back room, hands on hips. He's covered in potting soil, a streak of dirt on his left cheek.
"Yeah. What's the 'or something?'" Youji asks, setting the rose bush down.
Kaori wriggles in my arms so I shift her slightly. I shrug. "He just hasn't been feeling well lately."
They both stare at me blankly, waiting for elaboration. "And that means… what?" Omi says at length.
"Yeah, Ken, you're the one who's married to the guy. Is Aya ok?" Youji adds.
I look back and forth between them and shrug. "It's… the insomnia again. You know how he gets. He hasn't slept hardly at all in the past week or so. And when he does sleep he has those dreams. The freaky ones. And of course there are always the headaches…. It's catching up to him."
Youji nods and then turns to go back to his plant. "Yeah, I can feel that, but he should really go see a doctor or something. There are meds you can get for insomnia. Anti-anxiety stuff. You'd really think Kritiker would cover us on that shit…."
"The last thing Ran's going to agree to do is start popping pills," I say. "He still keeps it all pent up inside sometimes. It's best just to leave him alone. He usually comes out of it when he's ready."
"Maybe you should go up and see him. He might like to have Kaori," Omi suggests.
I sigh and swing Kaori down from my shoulder and hold her out in front of me. "I suppose it can't hurt to ask. I hoped he might be able to get some sleep today, but with Kaori-chan up there with him that isn't going to happen."
"Maybe he'd like a little cheering up as much as some sleep. You know how much he loves Kaori; she always makes him smile," Youji adds. "And then we might get some customers back in here."
Omi and Youji both look at me, hands on hips. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I want Ran to get some rest, he needs it, he deserves it, but Kaori is making life unbearable for all of us in the shop… and Ran is her father too. I sigh and put Kaori-chan back on my shoulder. "Alright. I'll go and see him. But if he isn't feeling well I'm bringing her back down here with us."
"Fine," Youji says going back to the rose bush.
"Five minutes would be enough," Omi sighs.
I walk out of the shop and into the back, up the stairs and into our living space. It's quiet. So very quiet. Kaori babbles on my shoulder and tugs gently at my ear.
"Ran?" I call softly. No response. Maybe he finally fell asleep. I wander around past the kitchen area and towards the couches. I look over the back, but he isn't lying there. I walk down the hallway to our room and peer inside. "Koi?"
"Hm?"
I blink into the gloom. The shades are drawn, and I can see him lying on top of the bed, still in his pajamas, arm draped over eyes. My heart goes out to him. I wish he'd let me help. I walk into the room, holding Kaori up with one arm. I stand beside the bed and he reaches up slowly, searching for my hand. I hold it out and he laces his fingers in mine, squeezing slightly. "Are you off already?" he asks softly.
"No. I wanted to come and see how you were doing. I brought Kao-chan," I answer. She makes a high-pitched squeal at the sound of her own name. Ran pulls his arm away from his eyes and looks up at us. He looks so tired, his eyes are rimmed in dark circles and the whites are run through with red streaks. He tries to smile. He fails.
"Set her down on the bed," he says, patting it with his free hand. "And then come here."
I lean over his body and place our baby on the far side. She rolls happily onto her back and coos softly to herself. Before I can stand up again, he reaches up and pulls me down next to him. Our hands stay clasped as I curl up beside his body. I rest my head on his chest and listen to his steady breathing. I wrap my free arm around him and gently stroke his side. He lays perfectly still, his arm resting by his side. "Feeling any better?" I ask quietly.
"Much, now," he answers.
I kiss his neck sweetly. He makes a very low purring sound in the back of his throat. "What can I do?" I whisper.
"Go back to work. Inventory needs to get done," he answers, but tightens his fingers around mine.
"Very, funny, koi."
"I mean it. As much as I want you to stay right here with me it isn't going to help either of us. It won't help me sleep and it won't help you get inventory done."
I snuggle closer, tightening my arm around him. "Maybe if you talked to me…."
"Ken…." He growls.
"What is it, Ran? You promised me you'd never hold it in again," I whisper, touching his face.
He looks down into my eyes. I want to make the pain I find there go away. I want to help. "I know, aité. But you already know what it is. It's the same old shit. The same shit you feel, the same shit we all deal with. It just catches up with me now and then."
"Yes, but…," I begin.
"I'm not like you, aité, talking it out doesn't make it go away for me. I just need to work through it on my own. I'll find peace sooner or later."
"I feel so useless to you," I murmur. Kaori-chan begins to babble to herself softly and crawls up onto Ran's stomach, drooling on his shirt a little. He reaches down and softly runs his fingers over her fine, dark head. He smiles distantly at the touch. Then he looks over at me and tilts my chin up slightly. He just likes to touch my face.
"Never, ever feel that way, Ken. If it weren't for you I'd be a soulless vacuum by now. You saved my soul, aité. You can't do everything for me."
"I know but… I hate to see you hurting like this."
"Par for the course, Ken." He kisses my forehead and then falls back against the pillows, exhausted. "What I wouldn't give for five minutes of dreamless sleep," he hisses.
Kaori squeals happily, dragging herself up between us. She rests her head next to mine and breathes softly. I look over at her and smile. "Hi there, my little love," I say. She puts a tiny fist on my arm and then starts to drool on it. We lie like this for a few more minutes, just enjoying what it feels like to be a family. Eventually Ran jabs me and tries to pull his hand free of mine.
"Go back to work, aité. Just come back when you're done," he says thinly. "You do help just by being here."
I push away, leaning over to kiss his face softly and then stand up. "Um…."
"Yeah?"
"Can I leave Kao-chan with you, she screams unless we hold her and… we all have things to do," I say quickly.
Aya doesn't say anything, he just closes his eyes tightly.
"She's keeping customers out," I add lamely.
"Alright," he grumbles. "I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway."
"You know she's always so good for you, koibito."
"Yeah."
I smile down at both of them. Kaori rolls over onto her back and flips off of Ran's stomach, flopping onto the bed. She giggles and waves her hands at me. I wave back. "You be good for the father," I say. Ran makes an indefinable grunting sound. I touch his forehead and then walk to the doorway. I close the door most of the way behind me, and turn to peer back through the crack.
Ran shifts slightly and reaches out for Kaori. He picks her up and hoists her up above his head. She dangles between his strong hands and giggles softly. She reaches out and he brings her closer to his face. He smiles. She grabs his eartails, one in each hand and tugs. "I love you, Kaori. I love you more than you will ever know," he whispers to her. She makes a cooing sound and wiggles in his hands. He sets her down on his chest and plays with her little hands.
I smile. My chest hurts. Seeing them together fills me an indescribable feeling. It's heavy and warm, and makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I turn away slowly, leaving the door open a crack. I thank whatever god there may be that I have them both. I walk slowly back to the shop.
By the time we're closing up for the day I feel like I've counted every single plant in the whole world… twice. Who would have known we had that many multifida cristadas? Omi looks like he's been playing in a dirt pile, and Youji has rose thorns in every single finger. At least the rest of the day has been quiet. I whip off my apron and toss it into a corner.
"Ken! Hang it up where it goes," Omi calls after me as I head for the back.
"No can do, Omittchi. I've got a date."
"Lazy ass!" he shouts as I bound up the stairs. I turn down the hallway and jog to our room. I push the door open and stop. "Ran…." I whisper softly. But he doesn't respond. He's lying on his back, Kaori curled up on his chest. One of his hands rests gently on her tiny back, the other is on his chest and it rises and falls steadily with his breathing. They're both fast asleep. I smile, my heart filled with joy. I turn and shut the door all the way behind me.
I walk slowly back to the shop, cross the floor and stoop to pick up my apron. I walk to the rack and hang it up.
"Oh, I thought you had a 'date,'" Omi says sarcastically.
"Naw… no hurry."
* * * * * *
"Around the other way! Head her off at the sofa!" Ken cries to me, snapping his fingers. I weave around the end table and hurtle the armchair.
"Ok, ok, I'm trying!" I cry. Kaori has mastered the art of walking. No, she has mastered the art of running. She's so fast! She zips around the floor like some sort of insect. She knows it's time to change her diaper, and she's not having any. Ken and I have been making monkeys of ourselves for almost five minutes. Youji, on the other hand, has been laughing at us and not been very helpful at all. Aya-kun, of course, is nowhere to be seen. So Ken and I race around the apartment trying to catch a speed demon stink bomb.
"Now drive her this way!" he cries.
"What way?! You're on the other side of the couch! She's just gonna go behind the TV again. Isn't there a better way to do this?!" I shout, attempting to scoop up the miniature racer as she evades me once again. She squeals in delight. This is just a big game of tag as far as she's concerned.
Youji doubles up with laughter again. "You could be helping us out, Youji!" I snap at him as I slide around the coffee table.
"I would, but I don't live here anymore. Besides watching you two is much more fun," he says between bouts of laughter.
"This way! This way, Omi-kun!" Ken calls.
"Fine!" I growl "Koa-chan, come to Uncle Omi!"
She giggles and teeters slightly as she makes her way around the couch.
"That's it! We'll head her off. You close from that side and I'll close from this side. We'll cut her off!" Ken cries triumphantly.
You'd think that two professional assassins would be able to use some of the dexterity required for such a profession to catch a single baby. I mean, Jesus, I've chased down vicious criminals, out raced get away vehicles, and escaped from very cramped quarters, but this is impossible.
"Ok, now!" Ken cries as we close on Kaori-chan. She toddles onward and I watch as Ken stoops to catch her. I rush forward in case he fails. We both fail. At the last moment Kaori-chan feints and races away from both of us. Ken and I collide and both go sprawling, tripping over each other. Ken ends up flat on his ass, I end up in Ken's lap. Kaori streaks across the room straight to Youji's feet. She screeches to a halt and looks up at him.
"Ouji!" she cries. He raises and eyebrow and stops laughing. He bends down easily and picks her up under the arms. Ken, who has propped himself up on his arms groans and falls back to the floor.
"Typical," he mutters.
"Whoo-ee, I think someone's a little stinky, huh Tater-tot?" Youji coos to Kaori, holding her at arms length. Of course things only get better. At that instant Aya walks in. He looks over at Youji. Youji walks to him and deposits Kaori into his arms. "I think you might want to do something about his," he says in that Youji drawl. Then he hitches a thumb at Ken and me and says, "You might want to do something about that too…."
Aya's narrow eyes swivel around. "What the hell are you two doing?" I'm out of Ken's lap like there's a rocket lit under my ass. The last thing I want is Aya thinking I'm deviating with his 'aité.' Sorry, but I like my head where it is.
Ken grumbles as he sits up. "We –were- trying to catch that little bundle of joy in your arms, but as you can see it didn't quite work out."
Aya looks confused and he looks back at Youji. "Did I miss something?"
"Not much, Fujimaya, not much," Youji replies starting to walk away. "But I'd keep my eyes on the little one if I were you."
Aya's eyes dart back to me and narrow. I balk. "Not me!" I cry, pointing, "Kaori-chan!"
Ken giggles. "'It's a madhouse! A madhouse!'"
I cross my arms and go to sit on the couch. Now I'm grumpy. "I don't know why I even bother," I grumble.
Ken gets up and leans over the back of the couch. He ruffles my hair. "Because you're –such- a good uncle, Omi-kun."
"Yeah, well now she's caught so just go and change that diaper before she kills everything that lives here," I say pulling my head away. Ken giggles again and I hear him take Kaori from Aya. It's been weird ever since Youji moved out to live with his –wife- (wrap you mind around that would ya?). Now I feel like an interloper living in Ken and Aya's house, because it's them and Kaori and… me. I'm always afraid that I'm going to start intruding on them or something. When Youji was here I never felt like that because then we were all just roommates like always, but now that he's gone I'm starting to feel like the proverbial 'red-headed step child.' Should I start thinking about finding a place of my own? I thought the point was that we all lived together… but….
"Ok, stinky, let's get you cleaned up," he says happily. Kaori makes a discontented sound and fusses. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It's probably nice and warm, right? But it's making your uncle a little grumpy…." He coos. He walks away.
Aya comes around the other side of the couch and sits down next to me. I look over at him, arms still crossed across my chest. "And where have you been? You could have been helping. Knowing Kaori she would probably have just come to you," I snap.
Aya looks over at me blandly. "I was talking to Aya on the phone."
I swallow. "Oh." I think about Aya-kun's little sister for a moment. I remember the strange telephone conversation she and I had all those months ago.
"She's going to come and visit as soon as finals are over. She's thinking about moving in for a while after graduation…. Hope you don't mind."
I smile slightly and shake my head. "Not at all." Not at all….
* * * * * *
They thought I was crazy. They were so clueless. 'Why do you want to dig that big hole behind the shop, Youji?' they asked. 'Won't it get in the way of the shed?' 'What are you doing with all that potting soil?' Hah! Clueless! I am the most awesome adult I know.
I shovel the very last load of dirt out of the large, shallow hole I have created. It's perfect. It's just about two feet deep, a little more near the middle. I wish I'd had an uncle like me when I was a kid… or a father like me for that matter. Now where the hell did I put that hose? Oh yeah, it's back in the Koneko… hope Ken wasn't planning on watering any plants right now.
Tough luck for him.
I glance over at Kaori-chan and Kenji-kun. They're both lying on the ground. Kaori looks up at me and rolls her eyes. "Are you almost done yet, Uncle Youji?"
"Almost, Tater-tot, almost."
"Huwy, Dad, I'd borwed," Kenji adds. He rubs at his eyes and runs and hand through his fair hair. It's even lighter than mine. I wonder where he got it. Rikuko's hair is dark. Must be those recessive genes. He blinks at me with big, green eyes. Rikuko's eyes. He yawns.
"Stop yawning," Kaori snaps, hitting his leg. "You'll make me start too."
I grin at the kids and wink. "Just hang in there, you two. It's gonna be worth it."
I've been working on this for over two weeks. It's finally ready. "Stay here," I say and then duck into the Koneko. I look around quickly, making sure the others aren't watching. I'm on babysitting duty this afternoon, which means I'm supposed to be responsible. Yeah, whatever. I see the hose. I dive for it. It's mine! Victory! I race from the shop, unraveling hose as I go. Out into the greenhouse and into the back yard. "You two ready for some fun?"
"Yeah!" they cry in tandem. I wink. "Ok, then just one more thing."
They both sigh and sit back again. I set the hose down and walk into the shed. I drag out four bags full of potting soil and two bags of peat. It'll add texture. I grin to myself. I'm so cool. I rip open the first bag and dump it into the pit.
"Ok kids, now as I dump this stuff in there you guys spread it around so it's nice and even. And make sure you mix the peat in really well, ok?"
"'K," Kaori says, getting up and pulling Kenji with her. They both crawl into the pit and start throwing dirt clods at each other. That'll work. By the time I get all the bags empty the pit is filled about halfway with dirt and peat. Good. I smile down at Kaori.
"Ok, Tater-tot, now it's show time. Go turn that hose on, but don't let your dads or Uncle Omi see you, ok?"
She smiles deviously and winks. "Sure thing, Uncle Youji." She scampers off into the greenhouse. I watch her go and then look down at my son who is sitting waist deep in potting soil. He looks up at me.
"This isn't gonna make Mom mad is it?" he asks.
I shake my head. "Naw, what your mother doesn't know can't hurt her."
"Ok," he says slowly, blowing a piece of hair out of his eyes. He's very astute for a three year old. He throws a clod of dirt up into the air and lets it fall. He looks down. "Daddy?"
"Yeah, kiddo?"
"Um… is this what Mom means bout you being ir'sponzible," he asks solemnly.
"What? When did your mother say that?"
"She says it lots of times. She says you're ir'sponzilbe and that I shouldn do things with you that are ir'sponzible," he answers looking up at me with his big eyes.
I run a hand through my hair. Shit. You know something's fucked up when you own kid calls you irresponsible. I squat down and look at him directly. I reach my hand out to him and ruffle his hair. "Well, kiddo, just maybe your old man's a little irresponsible, but I'd never do anything to get you hurt of in trouble. When it comes to that I'm the most responsible guy you've ever met," I say smiling sadly.
He grins back at me. "So I don't have to tell mom?"
"Not unless you want to."
"'K!"
Just then the hose leaps into life and starts to spurt water at us. Kenji screams gleefully and stands up, tossing dirt into the air. Kaori comes running back out of the Koneko and claps her hands. "They didn't see!"
"Good job, Tater-tot. One day you might just follow in the foot steps," I say under my breath walking over to the hose. I hold it above the pit and let water spurt into it. After a minute I realize this is going to take a while.
"What do you two say we leave the hose on here and go get some lunch?"
"YEAH!!"
I set the hose down at the lip of the pit and grin at my own handiwork. I'm a genius.
Fifteen minuets later we are done with our sandwiches and I march the kids back into the shed yard. "Perfect," I say looking at the pit. "Ok, Kaori- chan, go turn it off the hose and let's get to churning." This is gonna be sweet.
Victim #1: "Where's the hose gone off to?" Ken asks looking around the shop. "Oh there it goes… I wonder what in the world it's doing in the greenhouse…."
I breach out of the mud, brown glop flowing down my face. "I am the mud monster, raaahhh!" The kids squeal and I lunge at Kaori, scooping her up and tossing her into the middle of the pit. She hits with a squishy glorp sound and goes under. When she comes back up she shakes furiously sending bits of peat and mud flying through the air.
"Whee! I'm gonna get you, Uncle Youji!" she cries diving into the gloppy mess.
I go under again as best I can and when I surface again, making a dull roaring sound, I notice that things are oddly quiet. I feel a little hand tap me urgently on the shoulder. I wipe the mud away from my eyes and look up. Ken is standing, eyes wide with horror by the greenhouse door, holding the hose in one hand. "It's Uncle Ken!" Kenji cries.
I stand up quickly, covered in mud from head to foot. I pull a stray piece of peat out of my hair. "Oh, hey there, Ken," I say casually.
"Oh… my… God!" he cries. He looks like he's gonna bolt. And I can't have that. I can't have him alerting the others. I suddenly lunge out of the pit and rush him. He screams… like a girl, and tries to run, but he wasn't ready for me. I grab him and drag him to the mud hole I have created and dump him in. He flounders and sits in utter shock as the squishy, brown goo slowly eases itself around his body.
Kaori wades over to him and smiles into his face. "Hi, Daddy!" she cries and then unceremoniously lobs a large fistful of mud at his head.
"Raahhh!" I cry, jumping back in.
Victim #2: Omi flicks a piece of potting soil off his cheek and looks around. "Ran, where did Ken go? Wasn't he going to get the hose or something?" Ran shrugs. "I think he went out back," Omi trails off.
Ken and I hunker down in the deepest part of the pool, waiting. We're playing sharks and minnows and we're the sharks. Now if the kids would only get close enough so that we could grab them…. But they seem rather content to stand several feet away, throwing mud balls at us.
"Oh no," I hear. Ken and I look up at the same time. Omi is standing at the edge of the pit… dangerously close to the edge of the pit. His hands are on his hips. "I can't believe you two! Would you look at the kids?! Youji, just how much potting soil did you use in here!"
Ken and I glance at each other, a message passes silently between us. I look up and motion to the kids; they nod and start to climb out of the pit. We inch forward through the mud. Omi goes on railing about this and that. Typical Omi. He is so busy telling us why a mud pit is a bad idea that he doesn't realize what's happening until it's too late.
Ken and I both reach out of the pit at the same time, grabbing him behind the knees, making him buckle. The kids tip him forward and the rest is gravity. Omittchi mousse. He shrieks as he meets the mud face to face. Ken and I laugh hysterically and the kids jump back in, helping Omi sit up again. He grumbles loudly. Something about his favorite sweater vest.
Then Ken splatters mud across Omi's face and makes a war whoop sound, tackling the poor bishounen.
Victim #3: "What the fuck?!"
We've got this one all planned out. Ken is pressed up against the side of the green house. Omi is hiding behind the far bush. I'm the bait. The kids… well they're bait too, I guess. It doesn't take long. Aya comes out of the greenhouse… unsuspecting, but wary. He immediately zooms in on me and the pit of divinity that I have created. His eyes get so narrow they almost disappear.
"Youji, what the fu…," he begins. Then Ken comes up behind him and wraps his muddy arms around Aya's torso.
"Careful, koi, there are kids around!" he says.
"Ken, what are you doing?!"
Ken only giggles, picking Aya up off his feet. "Omi, help me!"
"Here I come," Omi cries jumping out from behind the bush. He rushes forward and grabs Aya's flailing legs.
"Argh! Ken you wouldn't dare! No… not in this shirt! This is my favorite sweater!" Aya cries, madly trying to get away. But he has little chance of that.
"If you insist, koi," Ken says smoothly, whipping Aya's shirt off in a blur of motion. It's amazing how good he is at that…. Ken tosses it back towards the greenhouse just as he and Omi give Aya the heave-ho into the mud pit.
He lands with a dull splat sound and then sits dangerously still as the mud oozes around him. I'm afraid to laugh. Something bad will happen if I do, I can see it in Aya's eyes. But I want to so badly it hurts. Omi and Ken are also waiting for a sign, wondering if they went too far.
Kenji wades forward in the mud and stands in front of Aya. He presses his hands against Aya's bare chest and smiles leaving two perfect mud handprints. "Mite! Uncle Ran's a Indian!"
Now we all burst into laughter, even Aya-kun. Then he gets up gruffly, but not without a good mud-lob to the head ala Kaori. She giggles and sinks down into the goo. Aya grumbles and wades to the edge of the pit. He gets out walks up to Ken. "You are so dead," he growls.
"Promise?"
Aya snarls and wipes a muddy hand down Ken's face. Ken giggles. Then Aya turns to Omi who is trying hard not to burst into laughter again. "And you," he growls, "we'll just see about having my blessing now. I don't think I need an underhanded sneak for a brother in law…."
Omi's eyes get wide and scared. "Ran-kun! That's not fair," he squeals.
"Now I'm going to have to close the shop so that at least one of us can get cleaned up," Aya says marching back into the greenhouse. I get out of the mud pit and tag along after him. I hear Ken and Omi go back to playing with the kids. I am such a genius.
Just as Aya enters the shop a little old couple come through the front door. They spy Aya, halfway covered in mud, shirtless, handprints on his chest, and turn around without a word and walk back out. Aya stands, speechless. I run into the shop and call after them. "Thanks, come again!"
* * * * * *
I'm watching her. She is very quiet today, much quieter than usual. Ever since she got home from school she' just been sitting on the couch, chin in hands. Now she's watching Aya-chan and Omi as they play with the twins. She shifts restlessly and sighs. She scratches her head with one hand. I walk over to her, leaning over the back of the couch.
"Hi," I say.
She looks up at me and blinks. "Hi, Papa."
"What are you thinking about?" I ask softly. She squints up her eyes and then shrugs. She tilts her head down and goes back to watching Aya and Omi. Chojiro giggles as he rolls onto his back. Omi leans over him and tickles his tummy. I watch Kaori. Her eyes dart to Aya as she tweaks Soushi's toes. Her eyes furrow slightly. I rest my hand on her head. "I'm going to my room," I say ruffling her dark hair.
"'K," she says.
I wonder what she's thinking about, the way she's acting just isn't like her. If Ken were here, she'd definitely tell him what was wrong, but she and I aren't so good with the talking, and Ken is off at another soccer game. I walk to the room I share with him and grab my book off my nightstand. I sit on the bed and lean back against the headboard. I pull my reading glasses out of the top drawer and out them on. I've just found my page when the door creaks open. Kaori is standing there stubbing her toe against the carpet.
I look up and close my book halfway, pushing my reading glasses up onto my fore head. "What is it, Kao-chan?"
She looks up at me and deliberates. Then she walks forward and closes the door behind her. "Can I ask you something, Papa?"
I nod. "Of course, my love." She comes closer to the bed and hops up next to me. She shifts and I put my book down, pulling her into my lap. She leans back against my chest and puts her head back against my shoulder. We just sit like that for a few minutes. The warmth of her body against mine is sweet and wonderful. I kiss the top of her head and snuffle her hair. I take her hands in mine and play with her fingers.
"Father?" she says at length.
"Yes?"
"Um…."
"What is it, Kao-chan? You can ask me anything," I say.
"Promise you won't get mad?"
I think about this for a moment. What on earth is she worried about now? Did she get in another fight at school? Did she lose her homework again? What now? "Ok, for now I promise."
"That's not a real promise."
"Well, if you've done something wrong I might get mad," I say.
She shakes her head. "No! It's nothing like that! It's a -question-," she says sharply rolling her eyes.
"Ok then, if it's just a question I won't get mad."
"'K then." She's silent again for a little while. She shifts in my lap. She's really getting too big to sit in my lap like this. She's heavy. I don't want her to grow up.
"What is it?" I ask again.
"Ok, fine. Papa…."
"Yeees?"
"Do I have a mommy?"
My heart feels like it has stopped beating. What I meant to say was, 'You can ask me anything but that….' Now what do I do? That's the loaded question, isn't it? How should I answer? The truth of the matter is rather complicated for an eight year old to absorb. Besides that I haven't talked to Ken or Aya-chan about this…. I can't just tell her the whole truth and nothing but the truth. There are too many feelings to consider.
Lucky for me, Kaori likes to talk. "Cause in school today we talked about how people have babies… kinda. Not really detailed, but our teacher said that you need a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. But I have two daddies… is that the same thing? Most people don't have two of one and none of the other… so where's my mommy? Only women have the special place in their tummy where babies grow, right? So… then… do I have a mommy? I've kinda got to, right? Aunty Aya is Chojiro and Soushi's mommy and Youji's son has a mommy, but… since I have you and Daddy… does that mean… what?"
She looks up at me, tilting her head back. I have no idea how to answer those questions. Once I explain one thing this conversation is going to snowball out of control. I clear my throat. "Well… of course you have a… a –biological mother-," I say hoarsely.
She squints up at me. "What's that mean?"
I look around in my head for the words. "Well… um… ok let me try to explain. You are right, Kao-chan, not many people have two daddies or two mommies. But your daddy and I love each other… like men and women do…."
"Cause you are homosexual," she says bluntly.
I blink down at her. "Yeah… wha…."
"I pretty much had it figured out a long time ago, but Uncle Youji helped explain the rest when I asked him," she says matter of factly.
With Youji I wonder just what 'the rest' entailed. "What did he tell you?"
"That you and Daddy are homosexual because you and he are the same gender. Homo means same and sexual means the gender of you sex. So you and Daddy are both boys, but you love each other the way married people do. So it's ok, Papa, I already understand that part," she says squeezing my fingers.
I nod. When did I miss all this? When did my daughter suddenly start understanding the quirks? "Ok… that's right. Are you ok with that?"
She giggles. "Of course. It's always been like that."
"Hn."
"So keep telling me… about what a 'biological mother' is."
"Umm… since your Daddy and I couldn't have children on our own we had a very nice lady help us. She gave us the female part to make you, and your daddy was the male part."
"And I lived in her tummy? In the special place and then she gave me to you?"
"No… you lived in a special tummy that wasn't a part of any woman. It was made especially for you and you grew inside of it in a hospital."
"So I don't have a mommy?!"
"No, you don't. You have a biological mother, a woman who is part of your genetic material, and two daddies who love you more than anything in the world."
Kaori thinks about this for a few moments. She's trying to digest and understand what I've just told her. "I think I understand…. Where is my 'biological mother' now? Did she ever get to see me since she made part of me? And wait… where are you? If daddy is the other part… where are you, Papa?"
"Right here." That's the answer to all of her questions. I wonder if she understands. I run my hand over her head and kiss it gently.
"So who is she?" she asks softly.
"Hmm… I can't tell you right now. Maybe someday."
Kaori fidgets and then sits back, resting her head against my shoulder again. I can tell that she's thinking. Her eyes blink rapidly. "Ok. That's ok. I just wanted to know if I had a mommy, and I don't so that's ok. All I really need is you and Daddy, anyhow. Plus I have Uncle Youji and Uncle Omi and Aunty Aya, and I bet she's better than any mommy could ever be."
I have to smile to myself. How very close to the truth you are, my little one. My love for you is all wrapped up in the two most wonderful people in the world. I wrap my arms around her, and squeeze her tightly against me. "I love you very much, Kaori-chan."
"I know. I love you too, Papa."
We sit together for a few minutes and then she gets up and runs happily to the door. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" I ask reaching for my book.
"I'm going to go and tell Uncle Omi and Aunty Aya what I learned! I bet they'll be surprised," she says happily, rushing out the door.
I smile, sliding my glasses down onto my nose. Won't they just?
