VI – Daughter of the Phoenix
Hu Li was trapped in a closet. Her childhood friend, Seung, had locked her in there as a joke.
They had used to play together a lot before Seung found out whose child Hu Li was. Then Seung never came over again. But now Seung had locked her in a closet, and she couldn't get out. She was stuck! Then she was tied up and there were people sticking needles in her back. She was afraid they were tattooing her back – perhaps with a tiger. After all, Sou Mei had a phoenix on her lower back. It made sense. It was symmetrical.
Then Hu Li was very still. She had a feeling it was a funeral. Her father had always told her to be very respectful and quiet at funerals. She was calm and quiet, but she wondered who was dead. She wondered whose funeral it was.
Then she opened her eyes and her worst suspicions were confirmed.
She was dead.
It was her funeral.
Hu Li was lying in a bed – a coffin? – in a room she had never been in. She found she could not move any part of her body – even her eyes would only open slightly. She saw Hermione was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room. Her face was splotchy and her eyes were very red. She was next to Harry and Ron. Their faces were colorless. Ron kept twisting the sleeve of his robe into a coil and then untwisting it again. Harry was staring at the floor with horror etched in his face.
Then she saw Draco. He was standing off to the side, farther away from the other three. He was staring out the window. His face was blank and his eyes were like windows that had been shuttered and locked and nailed shut forever.
No one spoke. Everyone was as silent as a corpse. Then Hu Li heard a grave murmuring in the background.
" … contact Lo in Hong Kong, but he was away on business and won't be back until
tomorrow. I didn't want to send an owl, because I thought it would be atrocious to hear about the death of your only child and daughter by mail." The voice grew louder and then Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey stepped into the room.
So I am dead, thought Hu Li miserably. Then she thought just as quickly, wait a minute, how can I be dead if I'm thinking? She was very confused.
Dumbledore was patting Hermione on the shoulder. His face was solemn and sad. "I know it will be hardest on her friends and family," he was saying softly. "Hu Li was a wonderful, unusual girl. She will be missed very dearly."
Hermione said in a quavery voice, "Why did it kill her?"
He replied uneasily, "The shock and the pain of breaking her back and being paralyzed was probably too much for her. It has happened before, to others, although certainly not the same way. Marcus Flint swore he didn't do it intentionally and that he just wasn't watching where he was flying."
Draco, who had been staring out the window all this time, looked up and said sharply,
"Bullshit."
Dumbledore looked at him in surprise. Draco continued angrily, "Flint was heading straight for her. He was looking right at her until the moment he crashed into her. He was just bitter that she beat him at Quidditch, the lousy stupid goddamn git."
Hu Li blinked in surprise. Dumbledore opened his mouth to say something to Draco when Hermione shrieked, "Hu Li just blinked!"
Everyone whipped around and stared at Hu Li. Hu Li tried to move to show them she was alive – or she thought she was, anyway – only she couldn't move. Dumbledore threw Madam Pomfrey a glance and said gently to Hermione, "Hermione, this is going to be a very difficult time for you and I know you were hurt very badly by Hu Li's death, but she is dead."
Hermione stood up and stared wildly at Hu Li. Everyone else stared at Hermione, who said belligerently, "No! I saw her blink. She's alive!"
Dumbledore took Hermione by the shoulders and said firmly, "Now Hermione, you and I both know that for Hu Li to be alive is an impossib-"
Dumbledore stopped suddenly, with an arrested look and just an ounce of hope on his face. He turned slowly to look at Hu Li on the bed. At that moment, she found she could open her eyes all the way. She used her arms to push her to a sitting position until she was looking everyone in the eye. It took all her strength just to do that simple act.
They stared at her for a moment, before Madam Pomfrey fainted dead away.
Dumbledore managed to catch her before she hit the floor. He carried her over to one of the empty beds and laid her down. He waved his wand over her while muttering something, and she sat up and moaned.
The whole time this was happening, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Draco were staring at Hu Li. Ron had backed away, as if it were a demon that had possessed her body. Hermione looked as though she was torn between happiness and disbelief and fright. Harry was looking her up and down, as if to make sure she was all in one piece. But Draco – he simply looked horrified and sickened. And Hu Li knew that he knew.
Madam Pomfrey said nervously, "How could she – what in the – it's not – she's still –" Hu Li felt sorry for her.
Dumbledore was looking at Hu Li with an expressionless face, but she could sense his amazement and relief.
Harry said softly, "I don't understand, Hu Li. How can you be alive?"
Hu Li could feel Dumbledore, as well as everyone else in the room, looking at her expectantly. She swallowed, her mind on Draco. This was the end. She could feel it. Past the point of no return – the bridges were crossed, and all she could do was stand and watch them burn. Screams of utter misery were echoing through her head – her own screams. "Er," she said hesitantly. "I don't think my back was broken, exactly. I think I just got knocked out when I hit the ground."
How lame, she thought. She could tell no one believed her – least of all Draco. Indeed, it seemed to confirm his worst fears.
Madam Pomfrey sat up primly on the bed and said stiffly, "I know a broken back when I see one, Miss Zhang. And I know a dead body when I see one, as well. You were not alive when you
were brought in here."
Hu Li looked down and said quietly, "I'm sorry, Madam Pomfrey, but you must have made a mistake. As you can see, I am alive and still kicking."
Draco flinched at these words, a grimace on his face. Madam Pomfrey said severely, "Well! Are you saying I was wrong about you being dead?"
Dumbledore murmured, "Poppy, I don't mean to offend your medical pride, but it does seem as though you were wrong, seeing as how Hu Li is clearly as alive as you or I."
Draco turned away at that and resumed his study of the window. Hu Li could feel harsh disappointment and distrust and nausea and especially fear emanating from him. Well, it had been lovely while it lasted, she thought unhappily.
Madam Pomfrey was looking at her with slightly less distaste now. "Perhaps you are right, Professor," she agreed reluctantly. "Either that or she is a medical miracle."
You hit the head on the nail, Poppy baby, thought Hu Li desolately.
Harry and Ron were looking slightly more accepting. Hermione looked doubtful for a moment. Then the positive side of her won out, and she ran forward and hugged Hu Li tightly. "I'm so happy you're alive!" she sobbed into Hu Li's hair. The two boys came over too, and stood awkwardly around, grinning at Hu Li.
"We thought you were dead for sure, Hu Li," said Ron, swallowing.
Harry nodded. "Professor Dumbledore was trying to track down your dad and everything."
Hu Li shuddered to think what would have happened if her father had been told she was dead. Living through the worst possible disaster that a parent could encounter for several hours before being told he had mourned in vain – she was glad her father had been spared that. She was all he had left.
While Hermione strangled her and cried into her hair, Hu Li watched Draco with infinite sadness creeping slowly through her. He refused to look at her. He merely glared daggers at the window.
Hermione finally released her when Madam Pomfrey said, "All right, everyone out. This girl needs rest. She may still have sprains, even if she didn't break her back." Hu Li saw that Madam Pomfrey really did believe that she had made a mistake. Poor, trusting woman – the wise headmaster and the sweet student both tell her a lie convincingly, so she accepts it as truth. Hu Li suddenly felt lower than Jack the Ripper probably ever felt. Hu Li thought, and I'm about as mad as he was, too – or at least I'm almost there.
Hermione gave her one last hug – which hurt; Madam Pomfrey was right, her back did ache even though it was not broken (anymore) – and then trotted out with Harry and Ron, who each slipped Hu Li some Toffee Creams and Peppermint Toads for her stay in the hospital wing. She smiled gratefully at them as they exited. Madam Pomfrey bustled off to the far end of the hospital wing tend to a Hufflepuff fourth year that had the flu.
Finally it was just she and Draco. Madam Pomfrey had somehow overlooked him, perhaps because he was standing in the shadows without making a sound.
Hu Li cleared her throat a few times. Draco made no response, except to glare harder at the window.
"So, Draco," she tried. "I was just –"
He whirled on her like a viper striking. "Don't," he hissed. "Don't talk to me. I don't want anything to do with you. I know what you are. You are a liar – you are unnatural - you are a monster. You are Death walking, with a beautiful mask to cover your evil. I have had experience with your race – they are liars and frauds and murderers. I knew when you got on that train that you looked like someone I have seen before, and now I know who." He stopped and said very slowly and deliberately, "You are the daughter of the Phoenix, the most terrible vampire ever to taint the earth. And you wear her horror well."
Hu Li closed her eyes. In one outburst, he had condemned her. He was jury, judge, and executioner – all in one. The verdict: guilty. Away to the gallows.
A tear slid out of her eye and dripped onto the sheets, surprising her. She rarely cried. "I do not deny any of that," she whispered. "I am what you say I am. I am all of it."
Draco stared at her, taken aback. He evidently expected her to contradict him. "So it's true," he said. His arms dropped to his sides and he began to look slightly apprehensive.
"Yes," Hu Li muttered. "You are right – as always. A liar, a freak, a monster, a murderer, and the daughter of a demon – I am everything you say. But I am not happy with it. Why would I be?" She suddenly felt like throwing up.
"I don't know," he said softly. "But I know what my father tells me – about the Phoenix and about you. You are the half-blood, no?"
She nodded mutely.
He stared at her, and she could see and feel his fear grow with each second. "The one who violently killed the Mad Minister of China - with her bare hands?"
"One and the same," she said, raising her head and looking him directly in the eye. "Of all the things that I am, that is the one that I do not regret. He deserved that and much more, and you would agree if I told you everything he did to me – and many others like me. He was the monster – not me. Sou Mei is the monster – not me. You must understand – I did not ask to be this way. I do not enjoy it. I do not take advantage of it. It is just a part of me, just as you can not help your father being one of the most horrible Death Eaters ever – excluding the Phoenix."
He looked at her, startled. "How do you know that?"
"I know all the Death Eaters and the ex-Death Eaters," she said bitterly. "Fun bunch of people, if you ask me. Entertained themselves with Muggle-torturing – yes, I believe that was one of your father's personal favorite hobbies?"
Draco stared at her. He was not expecting this – a counter-attack. He began to edge back.
She lost patience and snapped, "Don't go anywhere. You have no reason to fear me. You are wrong about one thing – I am nothing like Sou Mei. I do not need blood; I do not kill for the fun. I do not kill at all – Jun Tao is nothing. I am basically a good person." As she said the last sentence, she did not know whether she said it to assure Draco or to assure Hu Li.
Suddenly Hu Li began to cry, shocking and disgusting herself. She found that once you got started, it was hard as hell to stop. She buried her head in her sheets and sobbed, as she never had before. "You don't understand," she wept. "No one does. I am an outcast in every society. Everyone fears me. I thought I was mortal. I was glad that at least I would die and be rid of it all, but now I am not so sure. I was dead, Draco. I know it - I could feel it. My back was broken." She cried harder than ever. "My blood is a poison and it is a remedy. It heals all wounds and it destroys all life. I do not want to be Sou Mei – older than the pyramids, immortal as the night. I want to die."
Draco looked thunderstruck. She could understand why – she had never revealed so much emotion in front of him – in front of anyone.
Abruptly he took three steps forward and wrapped his arms around her. Shocked, Hu Li stopped in mid-sob. She raised her head and stared intently into his eyes. She was sure she looked dreadful from crying, but for some reason it didn't bother her, because in Draco's eyes, there was forgiveness. In Draco's eyes, there was compassion.
He hugged her tightly and uncertainly, as if he had never hugged anyone before. He whispered, "I know how you feel – born to a parent that despises you and yet wants to mold you into a version of themselves. Born to a parent who is purely selfish, purely evil."
She sniffled, thinking about that, and then said, "I can't live like this – I can't live forever. I'll go mad. Maybe I am mad, I don't know." She was silent for a moment and then she said, "You were right to be afraid of me. I am dangerous. I fear myself, just as much as others fear me. I was once told that my problem was that I hold the keys to too many doors. I see know what he was talking about. He must have known I am not mortal. But this immortality – this is what Jun Tao was after: immortality that has no price to be paid."
"But there is a price," said Draco sensibly. "You hate it."
Hu Li nodded slowly. "I do. I don't understand how someone can want to live forever. I have not even two decades behind me and already I am tired of living."
"Don't say that," he said sharply. "You're not mad. You are as normal as the next girl, only
you have very special genes to make you smart and strong and psychic and – immortal."
Hu Li pulled away from him. "How the hell would you know whether I am mad or not?" she said tearfully, her voice rising in anger. "I could be as mad as a goddamn Hatter, and you would never guess! What I have been through is enough to make anyone a lunatic! Jun Tao – you meet him on the street and he'll be the finest gentleman you'd ever see – but look at him cross-eyed, and he'll throw you into his torture chamber!"
Draco said quietly, "Is that what he did to you?"
Hu Li let out her breath slowly, calming herself. "Yes," she admitted. "Only it was because he said I was a danger to China and to the world because my mother was a Death Eater. He told my father I would have to be detained for questioning to make sure I wasn't working for Voldemort. That heartless brute – the only reason he disliked Voldemort is because he was jealous that Voldemort had more power than he did. My father tried to fight him against holding me, but Jun Tao always did whatever he wanted to do. He really wanted to find out what he called my 'secrets'. He wanted to create a super-race of humans and make himself immortal as well, to be their leader forever. He wanted the super-race to be more powerful than the normal humans so that they could destroy them, but less powerful than him so he would always be the authority." She sighed. "He was a genius in many ways, but he was a madman in so many more."
"What did he do to you, exactly?" Draco said cautiously. He probably thought she was a time bomb, for sure, and should be handled with extreme care.
"Tortured me," she said shortly. "Tortured me and beat me and starved me and screamed at me for a week. He used the Cruciatus Curse and other wizard torture, but he also used Muggle instruments from the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem Witch Trials, and China's own secrets. The Chinese do the worst and the best torture in the world – the best, for Jun Tao. I managed to escape, finally, but it has left scars not on my body, but on my soul."
Draco looked out the window again. "I am very sorry," he said. "I can understand what a terrible time you've had – sort of – and I can understand why you lied about being part vampire. I can see why you would – my own reaction is enough evidence. And I want you to know that I hold no grudges against you. You can't choose your family."
Hu Li stared at him. "Yes," she whispered. "Exactly."
Draco's eyes met hers, and for a moment she drowned in those wise silver pools – or wished
she could drown in them. Then the click of feet was audible, and Hu Li spun around to see an angry Madam Pomfrey striding across the hospital wing.
"I can understand you'd like to have your friends around, Miss Zhang," she shouted heatedly, "after the situation you've been through, but this is too much! Out, Mr. Malfoy! Now!"
Draco threw Hu Li an understanding smile as Madam Pomfrey chased him out. Then she turned sternly to Hu Li. "Lay down," she said menacingly, "and sleep, or I shall call the headmaster in here!"
Hu Li obediently lay down and closed her eyes till she was gone. Then she opened them and stared at the ceiling. Draco knew and Draco understood. She almost thought it was too good to believe. Did she secretly repel him? Was he merely a good actor, playing for his life? Was he just afraid to cross her? She did not know.
Hu Li told herself sleepily, only the future will tell. Then she closed her eyes and fell willingly into a deep and unquenchable sleep.
