Disclaimer: I take no credit for the creation of these characters or the
original concept they are a part of.
Comments: Hm. More Baby Talk… at long last. Sorry it took me so long!! (I've been distracted and recently moved back in with my mother, which pretty much just sucked ALL my creative energy away.) I don't know how I managed to let this story get so out of hand. Too many timelines and sub- plots to keep track of. Oh well, I try. **grins sheepishly** (Sorry about killing Asami, for those of you who whined at me, but… Youji couldn't really live in marital bliss forever, now could he? And I liked her too much for them to have a falling out. So I killed her. Sorry.) This time around (since I have gone beyond the nice number of 5 for chapters) I am reversing the POV sequence. So it will go Ran, Youji, Omi, Ken. Hope that's ok. R&R!! Or else there will be much pain.
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Holding her in my hands I am overcome by the sense of how fragile life is. Life is something I have learned to take for granted, something that I can give and take. It is my duty to do so. And yet, here in my arms I cradle life, protecting it. I will go on taking life, destroying endless, countless lives to protect this one. She is more important than any other life in the whole world. "I love you, Kaori-chan," I say softly, letting her little hand close tightly around one of my fingers.
She's strong, and I will make sure she becomes stronger still. The strongest, so that one day she can protect herself when I am no longer here.
I lower her gently into the tiny tub full of lukewarm water. She kicks gently and coos, sucking on one of her fists. She likes the water. I prop her up, my hand flat against her tiny back as I pour water over her chubby little body. She jerks and looks around, looks up at me and smiles, her whole mouth opening wide. I smile back and shake my head. She likes to watch my red hair as it moves. She squeals delightedly and reaches up to grab at one of my eartails.
I pull my head back so that she can't get a good handful. "Oh, no. I love you, but not enough to let you pull my hair out. That wouldn't make Daddy very happy, now would it? No, he likes my hair almost as much as you do," I say under my breath.
She raspberries at me and then chews on her tongue. Silly. I raspberry back. Oh the things you do for the love of a child. I can't believe how different things are now. I see the world in a new way. Everything I see makes me think of the tiny, perfect life that I am now bathing. War, pollution, global warming, child abuse, domestic violence, drug traffic, gangs, hate crimes, segregation, terrorism, ethnic cleansing… these are things I see everyday on the news. Realities of the world we live in. And I've seen worse with my own eyes. Every time I think of these things I only want to wrap her up in my arms and take her to a place where these things can never touch her.
I know I can't do that. No such place exists. Not yet. But that's why I am fighting. I will make the world safe for my child… for Ken's child… for our child. I have a reason again, a reason to call myself the leader of Weiβ.
I fill a small cup with water and pour it gently over Kaori's head, regulating the water flow with my hand. I shield her face. I don't want to get water in her eyes.
I squeeze a small amount of baby shampoo onto my hand and massage my palms together. The scent drifts on the air, the smell of baby. I love it. I begin to slowly work the lather in my hands onto Kaori's head. She giggles and squirms. She always giggles and squirms. She splashes the water with her open palms, sending little sprays all over my shirt, but I don't mind. I can change later.
When she is covered in delicate bubbles I tip her back and gently rinse her off. I shield her eyes with my hand again. It says 'no tears' but I don't trust the baby shampoo. I smile at her and tickle her tummy. She kicks and chews on her tongue. Those teeth are starting to come in in force. What a cutie.
Lifting her from the wash tub I wrap her in a clean towel, wiping her off. She fusses. She doesn't like the cold air on her skin after being in the warm water. I can't blame her. It must be much warmer in there than out here. I tuck her up against my shoulder and support her little bottom. She snuggled against me and burbles happily. I rub her back with my other hand. She's so little. My hand fits over her whole back. She's so warm.
I walk out of the room that used to be Ken's with her. I carry her slowly down the hall, humming softly. She snuffles my shoulder happily and grabs at my shirt. It's still wet. I should change. I turn around and walk back up the hallway towards the room I share with Ken. As I open the door I see him sitting on our bed, his head in his hands. He looks up at us and smiles quickly. It isn't a real smile.
"Oh, hey you two. Are you done with bath time already?" he asks brightly.
I nod. Kaori squeals as she hears Ken's voice. I walk over the bed and sit next to my husband. Strange… it's still strange to think of him like that. "Are you ok?"
He looks a little startled. Ken doesn't realize how bad he is at covering up his feelings. "Yeah, I'm fine," he says thinly. "Why do you ask?"
I run my hand over his cheek and push his hair out of his eyes. I look at him intently. "You look a little… tired."
He sighs. "Yeah, I guess I am a little tired. Nothing major though."
"Why were you sitting in here by yourself then?" I ask pointedly.
He looks at me forlornly and lets the mask drop. He shakes his head sadly and reaches for Kaori. I let him take her and he cradles her against his chest, holding her gently, but firmly. I put my arm around his shoulders and lean close to kiss his ear. I nuzzle his soft, warm hair, god it feels so good to be close to him. He leans against me.
"I don't know, Ran. It's just… every once in a while I get to thinking…." He trails off.
"That's dangerous for you," I say smugly, trying to get him to smile. The corners of his lips twitch slightly and he nods.
"Yeah, well. I wonder if we made the right decision…with Kaori, I mean," his arms reflexively tighten around our daughter. "I love her more than anything, but was I wrong to want this? Was it wrong of me to insist that we have a child? Will our lives be fair for her?"
I shake my head and look down. "Oh, Ken…."
"I could never let her go, not now, but… every once in a while I have to wonder if I'm the most selfish bastard on the face of the earth," he says, contempt in his voice.
I tighten my arm around his shoulders and pull him closer to me, taking his face in my hand so that I can look into his eyes. I kiss his forehead gently and then pull back. "You're worried that our being a part of Weiβ will put Kaori in danger, that it will make her life harder because of the danger it puts us into. You wonder if we should tell her someday, and if we do, how. And if we don't… well I can't imagine that's going to be the case. You want to keep her safe from all the harshness of life, of our lives."
"Of course. I… I never thought about it before. I just wanted to have a child with you so badly. I never even listened to you when you told me it was a bad idea. I'm so selfish!" he hisses.
I shake my head and caress his cheek. "No, Ken, you aren't. You are honest. I admit that I always thought this was a bad idea, but now, like you I could never give her up. I could never go back to the way things were. And I've realized something. Having Kaori, for me, only validates my role in Weiβ that much more. I have a reason to fight again, and it's a lot healthier than my last one," I say smiling again.
He smiles at me in response, and leans forward kissing me sharply. "You always know what to say. I love you so much."
I ruffle his hair and kiss him again. His breath tickles my face. "Now give me back the baby," I growl.
"Fine," he grumbles, handing her back to me. She fidgets and wiggles. Without speaking we both crawl up onto the bed and I sit between Ken's legs, leaning my head back against his chest. He rubs my shoulders for a moment and then runs his fingers though my hair. He wraps his legs around my waist and folds them in my lap. We must make an odd picture. I lift Kaori above my head and smile up at her. She giggles and drools a little. It's good to be loved.
I listen to Ken's breathing, and eventually the three of us begin to doze off. It's these moments that mean the most these days. The quiet times free of the shop and free of Weiβ. I snuggle closer to him, taking in his scent. He grumbles sleepily and wraps his arms around me. It's awkward, especially with a baby on my chest, but it's perfect nonetheless. Portrait of a family…perfect, absolutely perfect.
* * * * * *
"Noo!" Kaori screams at the top of her lungs. "I don't waaaaannaaaa!!"
Jesus, who could have thought that someone so small could make such a fucking huge racket? I cover my ears. I glance over at Rikuko who rolls her eyes elaborately and then gives me the evil eye. She did not want to come along today. She shifts our newborn son in her arms and walks quickly away, towards the window, away from Kaori's tantrum.
Ken is at a loss. Poor guy. He's hovering over her, trying to get her to quiet down, asking what's wrong, attempting to pick her up, but it's all no use. No use whatsoever. She just kicks and screams and pushes him away. I can tell he's getting mad. His eyes are getting all squinty and his mouth is tight. He's never been very good at disciplining Kao-chan, but he has such a short temper. It's kinda funny actually. Kaori knows how to push all the buttons. And here we thought today meant that the terrible twos were over. Good luck.
"Kaori Fujimaya-Hidaka, if you don't pull yourself together and quit acting like a spoiled little girl I am going to let your father take care of this!" Ken threatens. That usually shuts her up. Not this time.
"No!! I don't wanna! You can' make me, is my birthday, you can' make me!" she screams again.
"Kaori!" Ken yells.
Aya looks over from the table where he is arranging… something. Plates? Presents? A house of cards? God only knows what Aya is doing. He strides quickly past Ken. "I'll handle this." Without another word he scoops Kaori up by the back of her shirt and carries her out of the room and up the stairs.
I chuckle to myself. Her eyes were just about as big as my fists. That shut her up. Aya has instilled the fear of God into that child. Bet she wishes she'd listened to Ken now. Although I do kinda wonder what the fuss was all about.
I mean, why would you expect a little girl like Kaori to acquiesce to wearing a frilly little dress on her birthday when she has a father like Ken, who never dresses her in anything but boy's clothes? Kinda like a double standard if you ask me. But she's their daughter. And it shows.
I look around the room. Omi is hooked into the computer, busily typing away, most likely getting some last minute research done on our next mission. He's so diligent. I never understood that. Ken sighs and wanders away into the kitchen shaking his head. And of course Aya-chan is sitting at the table, finishing whatever Aya-kun had been doing until his paternal duties called him away. Rikuko is still sanding by herself with our son, Kenji, at the window. I should go and talk to her. I know that being here makes her uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder whatever inspired us to get married in the first place. It seemed like such a good idea at the time…. I do love her, it's just we don't seem to have as much in common as we thought we did. I sigh.
Crossing the room I run my hand over the back of the couch. The feeling is so familiar. I really miss this place sometimes.
"Hey," I say softly coming up behind Rikuko and putting my arms around her waist. She's still slightly bigger than usual from the baby. But I don't mind, not at all. I loved it when she was pregnant. She always looked so content and comfortable. I think the postpartum has been a little rough on her. I run a hand over her slightly swollen tummy.
She grumbles and shifts. "Don't poke at my fat," she says under her breath.
"I'm not poking, and it isn't fat, it's your 'mommy tummy,'" I say softly into her ear.
She sighs and leans back against me. "Yeah, well."
We stand together for a few moments and I rock us gently to and fro. I look over her shoulder into the sleeping face of my son. He's so little and red and funny looking. He's quiet to. "What a good boy," I whisper.
Rikuko smiles. "Unlike –some- people's children," she says under her breath. I try to ignore the blatantly rude jab she just made at Ken and Aya. I don't understand how she can be so unforgiving of other people's faults. It's like life is some sort of competition and she has to be the one winning. I'll never get that about her.
"Now, now," I say, "Kaori was a good baby too. Kenji isn't a toddler yet, so I think it's a little premature for us to be making judgment calls."
She pulls away from me and turns around. "There you go again, you always do this!" she hisses.
"Do what?" I say, taken aback.
"Stand up for them. You're always on their side, on the side of those people you work with. You never agree with me, you never take my side. Oh no, what would I know, what loyalty do I deserve? I'm just your wife! It's much more important to stand up for the ideals and imperfections of your –coworkers-. You have to defend them from me, the wicked witch," she snaps, beginning to shake. Is she going to cry?!
"Rikuko, that's not true! That's not what I meant at all. You know how important you are to me. You and Kenji will always come first." I reach for her. She pulls back.
"Oh sure. That's why you spend all your time with us," she hisses sarcastically. "You're never home. You are out all night with these people! I never know where you are or what you are doing. Don't make me laugh, Kudou, I know where I stand in your life."
I put my hand on my hips. "Now you are just being unreasonable. Stop acting like a child, Rikuko."
"Oh, that's a good laugh coming from you! Me act like a child… look at yourself," she snaps.
It is at this point that I realize we are being watched out of the corners of three pairs of eyes. I glance around quickly and then lean in close to my wife. "I don't think this is the place to talk about this."
"Fine," she hisses. "Here you take him. I need to get some air." She deposits Kenji into my arms and walks briskly from the room. I hear her footsteps recede down the stairs. Holding Kenji in my arms I think about how messed up my life is becoming. I look down at my infant son and smile.
I'm a father. It's weird. It's like being in love so hard it hurts and not wanting or getting anything out of it. I bounce him in my arms and blow on his face. He squinches up his eyes and sticks his tongue halfway out. He's so cute. Just like me.
"What was all that about?" Ken asks suddenly. I look up and shrug.
"Ah, nothing really. Rikuko hasn't been very… pleasant lately. Postpartum depression, or something. She'll get over it."
Ken rolls his eyes. "Postpartum nothing, she needs a new personality that's the real issue."
"Hey," I snap, "Even if she can be a baka she's still my wife, so lay off, Ken."
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry, man."
A few minutes later Aya returns leading a very subdued looking Kaori-chan by the hand. She's wearing the dress, but she doesn't look like she likes it.
"Aren't you pretty, tater-tot," I call smiling at her.
She doesn't look at me. She keeps her eyes on the floor. I wonder what Aya said to her. Whatever it was, it worked. Poor tater-tot, having Aya as my leader is bad enough, having him as a parent must be brutal. But then again, deep down inside somewhere… he's a pushover waiting to happen when it comes to Kaori. She looks too much like Ken for Aya's good. I chuckle again.
"Where's Rikuko?" Aya asks.
I "Getting some air. She'll be back soon."
"Should we start without her?"
I open my mouth to say something, but am cut off. "No need to, I'm back," she says, walking into the room. She smiles sweetly. Too sweetly. "So, cake or presents?"
"Presents!" Kaori cries, suddenly coming to life at Aya's side. She tugs on his hand and pulls him towards the table. We all laugh. She sits importantly in a chair and we crowd around the table.
"Which one first?" Ken asks ruffling her hair. Somehow with the hair… the dress just looks ridiculous now, but whatever.
"BIG one!" she cries pointing excitedly at the rather odd shaped package on the floor.
"Ok, are you sure? You don't want to save it for last?" Ken asks raising an eyebrow.
Kaori furrows her eyebrows and runs her tongue over her teethe. This is a big decision when you are three. "Well… ok… then the one fum Uncle Omi first," she says in defeat.
"Don't sound so excited," Omi says, giggling. He puts a largish box in front of Kaori. She pokes at it and then puts her ear to it.
"S'not alive…," she says. She then savagely rips the paper from the box and opens it. Her eyes get really big. "Sugoi!" she squeals taking it out. Oh man, is that what I think it is? Yeah, it's a cowboy hat. Who on earth would buy a little girl a cowboy hat? That would be our Omi Tsukiyono. But then again she loves it, so I guess it wasn't a bad idea after all. She puts it on her head and tightens the string under her chin. She's going to wear it for the rest of the day, I can tell.
"Cool, Uncle Omi! Domo, domo, domo!" she cries hugging his arm.
He giggles. "You're welcome, Kao-chan."
We go through the presents one at a time. A heart necklace from Aya-chan, one of those dolls with the growing hair from Rikuko (they're kinda creepy if you ask me…), a Kitty-chan backpack, underwear ("Thaaaanks, Papa."), a soccer ball and Argentina jersey set from Ken (predictable, but boy is she ever excited), the usual collection of little toys and games, etc…. Now for the big present. It's from me.
"Wha is it, wha is it?!" she asks, jumping up and down.
"A big pile of sock!" I cry.
She looks at me and rolls her eyes. "Nu uh!"
"Well I oughta know, cause I got it," I say back.
"It better not be," she grumbles. We all laugh at this. She's so candid. I wish I could be a kid again. Oh well.
"Go on and open it if you want to know so bad," Ken says, leaning into the crook of Aya's arm. They really do go well together. Things were so different once, and yet... I can't imagine things any other way now. Oh well, no use dwelling on the past. I cradle my son closer to my body and nudge Rikuko with my toe. She looks over at me and smiles. Good she finally got to enjoy herself.
Kaori attacks the butcher paper I wrapped my gift in with a fierceness that is rather animalistic. When she gets all the paper off she stands back and stares at what she has uncovered. We all kinda stare.
"Umm… Uncle Youji…? Wha is it?" she asks at length.
"Oh, well it's one of those indoor jungle gym things… you know with all the fabric and the holes and the hoops and stuff…."
She raises and eyebrow and turns around to look at me. "It's a pile of stuff."
"Yeah, well it needs to be put together. But I'll leave that up to your dads," I say, winking at her. "I kinda lost the instructions…."
"Gee, thank's Youji," Ken and Aya say in tandem. Too weird.
"Well, it's cool anyway, Uncle Youji. Domo, domo!" she says happily coming over to hug my legs.
"Anytime, tater-tot."
* * * * * *
This room is so damn cold. The more people who come in the colder it gets. It's no supposed to be like that. I feel alone here. Aya and the twins stayed at home. She didn't want to bring them. She knew they wouldn't understand. They are too young. Everyone feels alone here.
I don't exactly know what to do with myself. I have been a witness to death so many times that it has lost it's meaning for me. At least I thought that it had. It's different when you look upon the death of evil men and when you look upon the death of someone you care about. Someone who didn't deserve to die. There are evil people everywhere, and in this room are collected the mourners of one less good person in the world. I want to leave.
I want to run home and wrap Aya in my arms and hold her until the world ends. I can't imagine… I can't even begin to imagine what Youji is feeling now. And he's been though this before too. How cruel the world is.
I glance over to where Youji is standing. He hasn't moved the entire time. Not since this began. He's just stood there, staring at her face. Staring at her peaceful form. It's been so hard to watch him slowly unravel these past few months. Ever since Asami was rushed to the hospital that night he's been coming apart. She never left the hospital again. What hurts the most is how cheerful she was through the whole ordeal. She never pitied herself. The tears she shed were always for Youji. She felt so guilty about leaving him.
I shiver. It's cold in here. I watch as Ken and Ran walk to Youji and each put a hand on his shoulder. They say something to him. Ken embraces him and begins to cry. Youji's tears are all used up. He has no more to shed. Let Ken shed them for him then. Youji pats Ken on the back, he's trying to comfort him. Oh, Youji… why do you have to be that way? Ran takes Ken's arm and pulls him away and they retreat together to some secluded part of the room. I should go to Youji. But… I can't.
Kaori is left standing in the wake of her fathers at Youji's side. She looks so strange dressed all in black. Her hair is in two neat French braids. She asked Aya to do them for her like that especially, but she wouldn't say why. She's a funny little girl. Too deep for her own good I think. She will be easily hurt, our Kao-chan. She says nothing to her grieving Uncle Yotan, she only takes his hand gently in her own and squeezes it softly. The faintest smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. She turns and faces the casket with him, stoically facing the grief with him. Rikuko took Kenji out of town so that he couldn't attend the funeral. The bitch. I hate her.
This is Koari's first experience with death. Instinctively I know it will not be her last. With a family like ours that is unavoidable. Ken and Ran are going to tell her soon. At least they keep saying they will. I wonder. She is smarter than your average nine year old. She's suspicious, she always has been. "Daddy? Are you a superhero?" I remember that conversation. I smile in spite of myself.
The mourners come and go; time goes by. Eventually the room is empty except for us. We are the last to leave. Ken and Aya motion to me and I join them beside Youji and Kaori.
"Youji," Ken says softly, "it's time to go."
He blinks slowly. "I know. Just give me a few more minutes. You go ahead, I'll be there soon."
Ken starts to protest, but Ran cuts him off, taking his hand and shaking his head. He remembers what this is like. He too has lost precious people in his life. We all have, but some more than others.
"Kaori, are you coming with us?" Ken says, bending down beside her.
She shakes her head. "No. I'm gonna stay with Uncle Youji. We are gonna help each other."
Ken looks at Ran. Ran shrugs and gently puts his hand on his daughter's head. "You do what helps you." He tugs at Ken's hand and they walk away.
I begin to walk away as well, but hang back just slightly, moving more slowly. I hear Kaori say, "It's ok if I stay, right? You don't mind?"
"Of course not, tater-tot."
"I'm sorry, Uncle Youji. Do you mind if I cry?"
"Of course not, tater-tot."
"Ok. It's easier to cry when you are alone, huh?"
"It always is, Kao-chan."
"We can cry together, though. I don't mind if you cry either. I'll stay with you and we can cry. Ok, Uncle Youji?"
"Ok, Kao-chan. Thank you, you are so special."
"It's nothing."
The conversation is so eerie. It echoes in my mind for many days to come. Of all the things I will take with me from the day we said goodbye to Asami Kudou, that one will haunt me the longest.
* * * * * *
I don't understand the 'hurry-up and wait' policy our society seems to employ all the time. I got this call at work from Kaori's school that it was urgent that I come down here and now they ask me to wait outside the office. Reminds me of the night she was born. Only minus the good kind of anticipation. The anticipation I have now only gets me more and more frustrated.
I know exactly why I was called down here. Kaori got in another fight. This is the third time this year. Girls aren't supposed to pick fights! Sixth grade isn't supposed to be this violent! Why does this keep happening?! I grumble in frustration and bang impatiently on the armrest of my chair. She's such a good girl at home! Why does she keep getting into fights at school? It isn't normal.
The office door opens and a secretary-looking woman greets me. "Mr. Hidaka? Please step into the principal's office."
Ugh, that phrase brings back some unpleasant memories… it makes me kinda queasy. I stand up and try to smile. She looks at me coldly. I know what these people think of me… what they think of us. It's no mystery that our family is a subject of continual grief for this school.
I follow her into the stuffy, typical office. There she is, sitting rather dejectedly in a chair. She hazards a glance at me and I glare back sternly. I'm not happy, and she knows it. Ran is going to be less happy and she knows that too. Right now I bet she's really glad that I was the one who answered the phone call. I notice immediately that she has a black eye.
There is another student in the office as well. A young boy who looks to be in considerably worse shape than Kaori. Well... she does take kendo and self defense classes and play soccer … I imagine she probably should be the victor in any fight she picks. For some reason I can't help but feel a glimmer of pride. That's my girl, kicking asses and taking down names. Alright, Ken, that's not helping.
I cover up my train of thought by glaring at Kaori again. She whimpers and looks down at the ground sheepishly. I go to stand beside her. I wonder where the other kid's parents are.
"Hello, Mr. Hidaka. Please have a seat and we can begin our discussion," the principal says severely from her desk. Ugh, old principal woman… scary.
I sit beside Kaori and she shies away from me. I glare at her out of the corner of my eye. She looks guilty.
"This is Jiro Inoue, one of Kaori's classmates and the boy with whom she fought this afternoon. We were happy to discover that he does not have any broken bones," the principal begins, gesturing vaguely to the rather bruised boy. "His parents were not able to get off work to attend this little meeting so we shall simply begin. Now, Miss Fujimaya-Hidaka, I think you are well aware of the fact that this is the third time you have visited me under such pretenses. I am very disappointed in you. This is the third time you have provoked another student with violence. You know very well that fighting is against the rules. There are no exceptions!" the old woman snaps.
Kaori looks up, "I know, but…!"
The principal holds up her hand for silence. Kaori shuts her mouth and stares back at the floor.
"And of course I am only referring to this as the third time that you have been brought to the office. We know very well that there have been other minor incidents. It is not becoming for a girl of your age to be so physical and temperamental. Your character, young lady, could use some sever adjustments. I would suggest that you take note of that Mr. Hidaka," she says in a low voice training her eyes on me. I clear my throat and nod.
"It is absolutely inexcusable for you to attack Jiro unprovoked…."
"But it wasn't like that!" Kaori cries.
"Mind your tongue, Missy!" the principal snaps.
Kaori turns to me and looks at me plaintively grabbing my arm. "But, Daddy, it wasn't like that! I swear. I had a good reason to beat up Jiro. He and his friends were picking on Aniki, and you know how little he is! And when I stood up for him they were being really mean to me too."
"No we weren't!" the boy, who has been silent until now snaps loudly.
"Yes you were, you liar!" Kaori screams back, pointing at him. The boy flinches away from her. "You were calling Aniki 'okama' and you were calling me 'Fujidaka' and everyone knows I –hate- that nickname! You got me mad on purpose, Jiro!"
"Well I didn't know you threw punches like a boy, Fujidaka," the boy jeers.
"Argh!" Kaori starts to get up. I put my hand on her arm and dig my finger in. She tenses.
"Sit down, Kaori," I say dangerously. She sits.
The principal looks at a loss for words. She has been attempting to control the students all during their little tirade and is a bit out of breath. "Ma'am," I begin, "I am very sorry that this has happened. I assure you that Kaori and I will cooperate in any disciplinary actions you choose to take."
She eyes me skeptically. "Yes, well. Since this is her third transgression of this nature it is my opinion that detentions will not suffice any longer. I have chosen to suspend her from school for the duration of a week, effective tomorrow. You are all free to leave."
"Thank you, ma'am," I say and get up to leave. I don't look at Kaori. She scrambles after me and follows me sheepishly down the hallway. I know she feel awful. Good, let it sink in. I'm sick of this, quite frankly. As we get to the front steps of the school she calls out to me.
"Daddy, wait!"
I pause and turn around. She is truly a sight to be seen. Her uniform jumper is wrinkled and dirty, her hair is a mess, the flowers Omi always puts in her barrettes mangled and askew, and her shiner is the cherry on top. She fiddles with her hands and looks guilty. She suddenly bursts into tears.
"Daddy… are you… are you really mad at me?" she sobs, her shoulders shaking. Oh, poor baby. I want to wrap her up in my arms and tell her it's ok. But that would be counter productive as far as teaching a lesson goes… but then again she'll get it good from Ran when we get home. No harm in a little tenderness.
I walk back up the stairs and put my hand on her shoulder. "I am more disappointed than angry."
That didn't help she only cries harder. "But… but… I was only trying to stick up for Aniki and you!"
I furrow my brows. "What do you mean? What else did Jiro say that made you want to fight him?"
She shakes her head, and looks at the ground.
I kneel down. "You can tell me, Kao-chan."
She looks at me with teary eyes. She looks like Ran. I smile softly.
"They… they were saying nasty things about our family. Things that aren't true! They don't understand and they are so mean! They said things about you and Papa and… and that I didn't have a mother. You might think that they don't know or care about things like that, but they do!" she cries fiercely.
So that's it. It can't be easy to be Kaori. I don't imagine that at her age the kids cut her much slack. Still, I know she has a lot of friends. But there are always the ones who will push the buttons, and go for the jugular. I wish I could protect her from the evils in her own world, and not just the evils in mine. I look into her eyes and she cries a little harder. I put my arms around her and pull her to me, hugging her close, stoking her hair.
"Oh, Kaori. It can't be easy. I'm so sorry."
"I had to, Daddy! I had to fight those kids. If I didn't it meant that I'm letting them say those things. I'm letting them call us names and hurt the people I care about! I can't let them!" she says into my shoulder.
I push her back and look hard into her eyes. "I understand why you fought those other students, Kaori, but that doesn't make it ok. Violence can't solve your problems," I say as my hypocrite alarm goes off somewhere in the back of my mind. "When you give in and fight like that then you are doing what they expect you to do. You are giving them the satisfaction of getting you angry. They aren't worth it! No matter what they say, no matter what they do, it isn't worth it. You don't have to answer to anyone about your life. Just tell them that they aren't worth your time. That's the best insult you can give."
It's kinda hard for me to say this, seeing as I am probably the most volatile person I know. Known to lose my cool on a second's notice and talk with my fist as much as with my mouth. At least that's how I was when I was Kaori's age… well and even up until a few years ago… ok, well maybe I still tend to be that way, but not as much. Really.
She hugs my neck. "Ok, Daddy. I'll try."
"Now buck up. Wipe those eyes, cause believe you me, you are going to need those tears when your father gets a hold of you."
She pulls away and stares at me like a deer in headlights. "Oh my gosh, I forgot about Papa! You're right! I better save up what I can, crying is the only way to make him crumble."
I nod. "Yeah and don't forget to look really pitiful. Puppy-dog eyes."
"All the way."
I wink and ruffle her hair. "Let's get you home. You have a nice long week of menial shop labor ahead of you!"
"Aw, Daaad! You can't be serious!"
"Oh, I'm serious, Kao-chan. Dead serious."
"Great."
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Afterward from Marty: Hey! I said last time that I need suggestions for these things cause I'm running out of cute, clever ideas, and I got (count it) one *1*! Pleeaassee I am begging you… input, yes? If you like Baby Talk and you want more then I NEED ideas, cause it is taking me –weeks- to write a single one. And I can't keep fixating on Youji's failed attempts at marital bliss. Sooo… please give me thoughts. Milestones I'm missing? Anything? Help me. Also that one suggestion mentioned adding a Kaori POV section. I was thinking about this myself… thoughts?
And now a message from Marty's shameless ego: Go read my other stuff too. Not that there is that much that's new… but there is my attempt at a song fic! It's Ran/Ken. And I'm gonna write more of them someday… with other pairings. Yeah.
Comments: Hm. More Baby Talk… at long last. Sorry it took me so long!! (I've been distracted and recently moved back in with my mother, which pretty much just sucked ALL my creative energy away.) I don't know how I managed to let this story get so out of hand. Too many timelines and sub- plots to keep track of. Oh well, I try. **grins sheepishly** (Sorry about killing Asami, for those of you who whined at me, but… Youji couldn't really live in marital bliss forever, now could he? And I liked her too much for them to have a falling out. So I killed her. Sorry.) This time around (since I have gone beyond the nice number of 5 for chapters) I am reversing the POV sequence. So it will go Ran, Youji, Omi, Ken. Hope that's ok. R&R!! Or else there will be much pain.
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Holding her in my hands I am overcome by the sense of how fragile life is. Life is something I have learned to take for granted, something that I can give and take. It is my duty to do so. And yet, here in my arms I cradle life, protecting it. I will go on taking life, destroying endless, countless lives to protect this one. She is more important than any other life in the whole world. "I love you, Kaori-chan," I say softly, letting her little hand close tightly around one of my fingers.
She's strong, and I will make sure she becomes stronger still. The strongest, so that one day she can protect herself when I am no longer here.
I lower her gently into the tiny tub full of lukewarm water. She kicks gently and coos, sucking on one of her fists. She likes the water. I prop her up, my hand flat against her tiny back as I pour water over her chubby little body. She jerks and looks around, looks up at me and smiles, her whole mouth opening wide. I smile back and shake my head. She likes to watch my red hair as it moves. She squeals delightedly and reaches up to grab at one of my eartails.
I pull my head back so that she can't get a good handful. "Oh, no. I love you, but not enough to let you pull my hair out. That wouldn't make Daddy very happy, now would it? No, he likes my hair almost as much as you do," I say under my breath.
She raspberries at me and then chews on her tongue. Silly. I raspberry back. Oh the things you do for the love of a child. I can't believe how different things are now. I see the world in a new way. Everything I see makes me think of the tiny, perfect life that I am now bathing. War, pollution, global warming, child abuse, domestic violence, drug traffic, gangs, hate crimes, segregation, terrorism, ethnic cleansing… these are things I see everyday on the news. Realities of the world we live in. And I've seen worse with my own eyes. Every time I think of these things I only want to wrap her up in my arms and take her to a place where these things can never touch her.
I know I can't do that. No such place exists. Not yet. But that's why I am fighting. I will make the world safe for my child… for Ken's child… for our child. I have a reason again, a reason to call myself the leader of Weiβ.
I fill a small cup with water and pour it gently over Kaori's head, regulating the water flow with my hand. I shield her face. I don't want to get water in her eyes.
I squeeze a small amount of baby shampoo onto my hand and massage my palms together. The scent drifts on the air, the smell of baby. I love it. I begin to slowly work the lather in my hands onto Kaori's head. She giggles and squirms. She always giggles and squirms. She splashes the water with her open palms, sending little sprays all over my shirt, but I don't mind. I can change later.
When she is covered in delicate bubbles I tip her back and gently rinse her off. I shield her eyes with my hand again. It says 'no tears' but I don't trust the baby shampoo. I smile at her and tickle her tummy. She kicks and chews on her tongue. Those teeth are starting to come in in force. What a cutie.
Lifting her from the wash tub I wrap her in a clean towel, wiping her off. She fusses. She doesn't like the cold air on her skin after being in the warm water. I can't blame her. It must be much warmer in there than out here. I tuck her up against my shoulder and support her little bottom. She snuggled against me and burbles happily. I rub her back with my other hand. She's so little. My hand fits over her whole back. She's so warm.
I walk out of the room that used to be Ken's with her. I carry her slowly down the hall, humming softly. She snuffles my shoulder happily and grabs at my shirt. It's still wet. I should change. I turn around and walk back up the hallway towards the room I share with Ken. As I open the door I see him sitting on our bed, his head in his hands. He looks up at us and smiles quickly. It isn't a real smile.
"Oh, hey you two. Are you done with bath time already?" he asks brightly.
I nod. Kaori squeals as she hears Ken's voice. I walk over the bed and sit next to my husband. Strange… it's still strange to think of him like that. "Are you ok?"
He looks a little startled. Ken doesn't realize how bad he is at covering up his feelings. "Yeah, I'm fine," he says thinly. "Why do you ask?"
I run my hand over his cheek and push his hair out of his eyes. I look at him intently. "You look a little… tired."
He sighs. "Yeah, I guess I am a little tired. Nothing major though."
"Why were you sitting in here by yourself then?" I ask pointedly.
He looks at me forlornly and lets the mask drop. He shakes his head sadly and reaches for Kaori. I let him take her and he cradles her against his chest, holding her gently, but firmly. I put my arm around his shoulders and lean close to kiss his ear. I nuzzle his soft, warm hair, god it feels so good to be close to him. He leans against me.
"I don't know, Ran. It's just… every once in a while I get to thinking…." He trails off.
"That's dangerous for you," I say smugly, trying to get him to smile. The corners of his lips twitch slightly and he nods.
"Yeah, well. I wonder if we made the right decision…with Kaori, I mean," his arms reflexively tighten around our daughter. "I love her more than anything, but was I wrong to want this? Was it wrong of me to insist that we have a child? Will our lives be fair for her?"
I shake my head and look down. "Oh, Ken…."
"I could never let her go, not now, but… every once in a while I have to wonder if I'm the most selfish bastard on the face of the earth," he says, contempt in his voice.
I tighten my arm around his shoulders and pull him closer to me, taking his face in my hand so that I can look into his eyes. I kiss his forehead gently and then pull back. "You're worried that our being a part of Weiβ will put Kaori in danger, that it will make her life harder because of the danger it puts us into. You wonder if we should tell her someday, and if we do, how. And if we don't… well I can't imagine that's going to be the case. You want to keep her safe from all the harshness of life, of our lives."
"Of course. I… I never thought about it before. I just wanted to have a child with you so badly. I never even listened to you when you told me it was a bad idea. I'm so selfish!" he hisses.
I shake my head and caress his cheek. "No, Ken, you aren't. You are honest. I admit that I always thought this was a bad idea, but now, like you I could never give her up. I could never go back to the way things were. And I've realized something. Having Kaori, for me, only validates my role in Weiβ that much more. I have a reason to fight again, and it's a lot healthier than my last one," I say smiling again.
He smiles at me in response, and leans forward kissing me sharply. "You always know what to say. I love you so much."
I ruffle his hair and kiss him again. His breath tickles my face. "Now give me back the baby," I growl.
"Fine," he grumbles, handing her back to me. She fidgets and wiggles. Without speaking we both crawl up onto the bed and I sit between Ken's legs, leaning my head back against his chest. He rubs my shoulders for a moment and then runs his fingers though my hair. He wraps his legs around my waist and folds them in my lap. We must make an odd picture. I lift Kaori above my head and smile up at her. She giggles and drools a little. It's good to be loved.
I listen to Ken's breathing, and eventually the three of us begin to doze off. It's these moments that mean the most these days. The quiet times free of the shop and free of Weiβ. I snuggle closer to him, taking in his scent. He grumbles sleepily and wraps his arms around me. It's awkward, especially with a baby on my chest, but it's perfect nonetheless. Portrait of a family…perfect, absolutely perfect.
* * * * * *
"Noo!" Kaori screams at the top of her lungs. "I don't waaaaannaaaa!!"
Jesus, who could have thought that someone so small could make such a fucking huge racket? I cover my ears. I glance over at Rikuko who rolls her eyes elaborately and then gives me the evil eye. She did not want to come along today. She shifts our newborn son in her arms and walks quickly away, towards the window, away from Kaori's tantrum.
Ken is at a loss. Poor guy. He's hovering over her, trying to get her to quiet down, asking what's wrong, attempting to pick her up, but it's all no use. No use whatsoever. She just kicks and screams and pushes him away. I can tell he's getting mad. His eyes are getting all squinty and his mouth is tight. He's never been very good at disciplining Kao-chan, but he has such a short temper. It's kinda funny actually. Kaori knows how to push all the buttons. And here we thought today meant that the terrible twos were over. Good luck.
"Kaori Fujimaya-Hidaka, if you don't pull yourself together and quit acting like a spoiled little girl I am going to let your father take care of this!" Ken threatens. That usually shuts her up. Not this time.
"No!! I don't wanna! You can' make me, is my birthday, you can' make me!" she screams again.
"Kaori!" Ken yells.
Aya looks over from the table where he is arranging… something. Plates? Presents? A house of cards? God only knows what Aya is doing. He strides quickly past Ken. "I'll handle this." Without another word he scoops Kaori up by the back of her shirt and carries her out of the room and up the stairs.
I chuckle to myself. Her eyes were just about as big as my fists. That shut her up. Aya has instilled the fear of God into that child. Bet she wishes she'd listened to Ken now. Although I do kinda wonder what the fuss was all about.
I mean, why would you expect a little girl like Kaori to acquiesce to wearing a frilly little dress on her birthday when she has a father like Ken, who never dresses her in anything but boy's clothes? Kinda like a double standard if you ask me. But she's their daughter. And it shows.
I look around the room. Omi is hooked into the computer, busily typing away, most likely getting some last minute research done on our next mission. He's so diligent. I never understood that. Ken sighs and wanders away into the kitchen shaking his head. And of course Aya-chan is sitting at the table, finishing whatever Aya-kun had been doing until his paternal duties called him away. Rikuko is still sanding by herself with our son, Kenji, at the window. I should go and talk to her. I know that being here makes her uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder whatever inspired us to get married in the first place. It seemed like such a good idea at the time…. I do love her, it's just we don't seem to have as much in common as we thought we did. I sigh.
Crossing the room I run my hand over the back of the couch. The feeling is so familiar. I really miss this place sometimes.
"Hey," I say softly coming up behind Rikuko and putting my arms around her waist. She's still slightly bigger than usual from the baby. But I don't mind, not at all. I loved it when she was pregnant. She always looked so content and comfortable. I think the postpartum has been a little rough on her. I run a hand over her slightly swollen tummy.
She grumbles and shifts. "Don't poke at my fat," she says under her breath.
"I'm not poking, and it isn't fat, it's your 'mommy tummy,'" I say softly into her ear.
She sighs and leans back against me. "Yeah, well."
We stand together for a few moments and I rock us gently to and fro. I look over her shoulder into the sleeping face of my son. He's so little and red and funny looking. He's quiet to. "What a good boy," I whisper.
Rikuko smiles. "Unlike –some- people's children," she says under her breath. I try to ignore the blatantly rude jab she just made at Ken and Aya. I don't understand how she can be so unforgiving of other people's faults. It's like life is some sort of competition and she has to be the one winning. I'll never get that about her.
"Now, now," I say, "Kaori was a good baby too. Kenji isn't a toddler yet, so I think it's a little premature for us to be making judgment calls."
She pulls away from me and turns around. "There you go again, you always do this!" she hisses.
"Do what?" I say, taken aback.
"Stand up for them. You're always on their side, on the side of those people you work with. You never agree with me, you never take my side. Oh no, what would I know, what loyalty do I deserve? I'm just your wife! It's much more important to stand up for the ideals and imperfections of your –coworkers-. You have to defend them from me, the wicked witch," she snaps, beginning to shake. Is she going to cry?!
"Rikuko, that's not true! That's not what I meant at all. You know how important you are to me. You and Kenji will always come first." I reach for her. She pulls back.
"Oh sure. That's why you spend all your time with us," she hisses sarcastically. "You're never home. You are out all night with these people! I never know where you are or what you are doing. Don't make me laugh, Kudou, I know where I stand in your life."
I put my hand on my hips. "Now you are just being unreasonable. Stop acting like a child, Rikuko."
"Oh, that's a good laugh coming from you! Me act like a child… look at yourself," she snaps.
It is at this point that I realize we are being watched out of the corners of three pairs of eyes. I glance around quickly and then lean in close to my wife. "I don't think this is the place to talk about this."
"Fine," she hisses. "Here you take him. I need to get some air." She deposits Kenji into my arms and walks briskly from the room. I hear her footsteps recede down the stairs. Holding Kenji in my arms I think about how messed up my life is becoming. I look down at my infant son and smile.
I'm a father. It's weird. It's like being in love so hard it hurts and not wanting or getting anything out of it. I bounce him in my arms and blow on his face. He squinches up his eyes and sticks his tongue halfway out. He's so cute. Just like me.
"What was all that about?" Ken asks suddenly. I look up and shrug.
"Ah, nothing really. Rikuko hasn't been very… pleasant lately. Postpartum depression, or something. She'll get over it."
Ken rolls his eyes. "Postpartum nothing, she needs a new personality that's the real issue."
"Hey," I snap, "Even if she can be a baka she's still my wife, so lay off, Ken."
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry, man."
A few minutes later Aya returns leading a very subdued looking Kaori-chan by the hand. She's wearing the dress, but she doesn't look like she likes it.
"Aren't you pretty, tater-tot," I call smiling at her.
She doesn't look at me. She keeps her eyes on the floor. I wonder what Aya said to her. Whatever it was, it worked. Poor tater-tot, having Aya as my leader is bad enough, having him as a parent must be brutal. But then again, deep down inside somewhere… he's a pushover waiting to happen when it comes to Kaori. She looks too much like Ken for Aya's good. I chuckle again.
"Where's Rikuko?" Aya asks.
I "Getting some air. She'll be back soon."
"Should we start without her?"
I open my mouth to say something, but am cut off. "No need to, I'm back," she says, walking into the room. She smiles sweetly. Too sweetly. "So, cake or presents?"
"Presents!" Kaori cries, suddenly coming to life at Aya's side. She tugs on his hand and pulls him towards the table. We all laugh. She sits importantly in a chair and we crowd around the table.
"Which one first?" Ken asks ruffling her hair. Somehow with the hair… the dress just looks ridiculous now, but whatever.
"BIG one!" she cries pointing excitedly at the rather odd shaped package on the floor.
"Ok, are you sure? You don't want to save it for last?" Ken asks raising an eyebrow.
Kaori furrows her eyebrows and runs her tongue over her teethe. This is a big decision when you are three. "Well… ok… then the one fum Uncle Omi first," she says in defeat.
"Don't sound so excited," Omi says, giggling. He puts a largish box in front of Kaori. She pokes at it and then puts her ear to it.
"S'not alive…," she says. She then savagely rips the paper from the box and opens it. Her eyes get really big. "Sugoi!" she squeals taking it out. Oh man, is that what I think it is? Yeah, it's a cowboy hat. Who on earth would buy a little girl a cowboy hat? That would be our Omi Tsukiyono. But then again she loves it, so I guess it wasn't a bad idea after all. She puts it on her head and tightens the string under her chin. She's going to wear it for the rest of the day, I can tell.
"Cool, Uncle Omi! Domo, domo, domo!" she cries hugging his arm.
He giggles. "You're welcome, Kao-chan."
We go through the presents one at a time. A heart necklace from Aya-chan, one of those dolls with the growing hair from Rikuko (they're kinda creepy if you ask me…), a Kitty-chan backpack, underwear ("Thaaaanks, Papa."), a soccer ball and Argentina jersey set from Ken (predictable, but boy is she ever excited), the usual collection of little toys and games, etc…. Now for the big present. It's from me.
"Wha is it, wha is it?!" she asks, jumping up and down.
"A big pile of sock!" I cry.
She looks at me and rolls her eyes. "Nu uh!"
"Well I oughta know, cause I got it," I say back.
"It better not be," she grumbles. We all laugh at this. She's so candid. I wish I could be a kid again. Oh well.
"Go on and open it if you want to know so bad," Ken says, leaning into the crook of Aya's arm. They really do go well together. Things were so different once, and yet... I can't imagine things any other way now. Oh well, no use dwelling on the past. I cradle my son closer to my body and nudge Rikuko with my toe. She looks over at me and smiles. Good she finally got to enjoy herself.
Kaori attacks the butcher paper I wrapped my gift in with a fierceness that is rather animalistic. When she gets all the paper off she stands back and stares at what she has uncovered. We all kinda stare.
"Umm… Uncle Youji…? Wha is it?" she asks at length.
"Oh, well it's one of those indoor jungle gym things… you know with all the fabric and the holes and the hoops and stuff…."
She raises and eyebrow and turns around to look at me. "It's a pile of stuff."
"Yeah, well it needs to be put together. But I'll leave that up to your dads," I say, winking at her. "I kinda lost the instructions…."
"Gee, thank's Youji," Ken and Aya say in tandem. Too weird.
"Well, it's cool anyway, Uncle Youji. Domo, domo!" she says happily coming over to hug my legs.
"Anytime, tater-tot."
* * * * * *
This room is so damn cold. The more people who come in the colder it gets. It's no supposed to be like that. I feel alone here. Aya and the twins stayed at home. She didn't want to bring them. She knew they wouldn't understand. They are too young. Everyone feels alone here.
I don't exactly know what to do with myself. I have been a witness to death so many times that it has lost it's meaning for me. At least I thought that it had. It's different when you look upon the death of evil men and when you look upon the death of someone you care about. Someone who didn't deserve to die. There are evil people everywhere, and in this room are collected the mourners of one less good person in the world. I want to leave.
I want to run home and wrap Aya in my arms and hold her until the world ends. I can't imagine… I can't even begin to imagine what Youji is feeling now. And he's been though this before too. How cruel the world is.
I glance over to where Youji is standing. He hasn't moved the entire time. Not since this began. He's just stood there, staring at her face. Staring at her peaceful form. It's been so hard to watch him slowly unravel these past few months. Ever since Asami was rushed to the hospital that night he's been coming apart. She never left the hospital again. What hurts the most is how cheerful she was through the whole ordeal. She never pitied herself. The tears she shed were always for Youji. She felt so guilty about leaving him.
I shiver. It's cold in here. I watch as Ken and Ran walk to Youji and each put a hand on his shoulder. They say something to him. Ken embraces him and begins to cry. Youji's tears are all used up. He has no more to shed. Let Ken shed them for him then. Youji pats Ken on the back, he's trying to comfort him. Oh, Youji… why do you have to be that way? Ran takes Ken's arm and pulls him away and they retreat together to some secluded part of the room. I should go to Youji. But… I can't.
Kaori is left standing in the wake of her fathers at Youji's side. She looks so strange dressed all in black. Her hair is in two neat French braids. She asked Aya to do them for her like that especially, but she wouldn't say why. She's a funny little girl. Too deep for her own good I think. She will be easily hurt, our Kao-chan. She says nothing to her grieving Uncle Yotan, she only takes his hand gently in her own and squeezes it softly. The faintest smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. She turns and faces the casket with him, stoically facing the grief with him. Rikuko took Kenji out of town so that he couldn't attend the funeral. The bitch. I hate her.
This is Koari's first experience with death. Instinctively I know it will not be her last. With a family like ours that is unavoidable. Ken and Ran are going to tell her soon. At least they keep saying they will. I wonder. She is smarter than your average nine year old. She's suspicious, she always has been. "Daddy? Are you a superhero?" I remember that conversation. I smile in spite of myself.
The mourners come and go; time goes by. Eventually the room is empty except for us. We are the last to leave. Ken and Aya motion to me and I join them beside Youji and Kaori.
"Youji," Ken says softly, "it's time to go."
He blinks slowly. "I know. Just give me a few more minutes. You go ahead, I'll be there soon."
Ken starts to protest, but Ran cuts him off, taking his hand and shaking his head. He remembers what this is like. He too has lost precious people in his life. We all have, but some more than others.
"Kaori, are you coming with us?" Ken says, bending down beside her.
She shakes her head. "No. I'm gonna stay with Uncle Youji. We are gonna help each other."
Ken looks at Ran. Ran shrugs and gently puts his hand on his daughter's head. "You do what helps you." He tugs at Ken's hand and they walk away.
I begin to walk away as well, but hang back just slightly, moving more slowly. I hear Kaori say, "It's ok if I stay, right? You don't mind?"
"Of course not, tater-tot."
"I'm sorry, Uncle Youji. Do you mind if I cry?"
"Of course not, tater-tot."
"Ok. It's easier to cry when you are alone, huh?"
"It always is, Kao-chan."
"We can cry together, though. I don't mind if you cry either. I'll stay with you and we can cry. Ok, Uncle Youji?"
"Ok, Kao-chan. Thank you, you are so special."
"It's nothing."
The conversation is so eerie. It echoes in my mind for many days to come. Of all the things I will take with me from the day we said goodbye to Asami Kudou, that one will haunt me the longest.
* * * * * *
I don't understand the 'hurry-up and wait' policy our society seems to employ all the time. I got this call at work from Kaori's school that it was urgent that I come down here and now they ask me to wait outside the office. Reminds me of the night she was born. Only minus the good kind of anticipation. The anticipation I have now only gets me more and more frustrated.
I know exactly why I was called down here. Kaori got in another fight. This is the third time this year. Girls aren't supposed to pick fights! Sixth grade isn't supposed to be this violent! Why does this keep happening?! I grumble in frustration and bang impatiently on the armrest of my chair. She's such a good girl at home! Why does she keep getting into fights at school? It isn't normal.
The office door opens and a secretary-looking woman greets me. "Mr. Hidaka? Please step into the principal's office."
Ugh, that phrase brings back some unpleasant memories… it makes me kinda queasy. I stand up and try to smile. She looks at me coldly. I know what these people think of me… what they think of us. It's no mystery that our family is a subject of continual grief for this school.
I follow her into the stuffy, typical office. There she is, sitting rather dejectedly in a chair. She hazards a glance at me and I glare back sternly. I'm not happy, and she knows it. Ran is going to be less happy and she knows that too. Right now I bet she's really glad that I was the one who answered the phone call. I notice immediately that she has a black eye.
There is another student in the office as well. A young boy who looks to be in considerably worse shape than Kaori. Well... she does take kendo and self defense classes and play soccer … I imagine she probably should be the victor in any fight she picks. For some reason I can't help but feel a glimmer of pride. That's my girl, kicking asses and taking down names. Alright, Ken, that's not helping.
I cover up my train of thought by glaring at Kaori again. She whimpers and looks down at the ground sheepishly. I go to stand beside her. I wonder where the other kid's parents are.
"Hello, Mr. Hidaka. Please have a seat and we can begin our discussion," the principal says severely from her desk. Ugh, old principal woman… scary.
I sit beside Kaori and she shies away from me. I glare at her out of the corner of my eye. She looks guilty.
"This is Jiro Inoue, one of Kaori's classmates and the boy with whom she fought this afternoon. We were happy to discover that he does not have any broken bones," the principal begins, gesturing vaguely to the rather bruised boy. "His parents were not able to get off work to attend this little meeting so we shall simply begin. Now, Miss Fujimaya-Hidaka, I think you are well aware of the fact that this is the third time you have visited me under such pretenses. I am very disappointed in you. This is the third time you have provoked another student with violence. You know very well that fighting is against the rules. There are no exceptions!" the old woman snaps.
Kaori looks up, "I know, but…!"
The principal holds up her hand for silence. Kaori shuts her mouth and stares back at the floor.
"And of course I am only referring to this as the third time that you have been brought to the office. We know very well that there have been other minor incidents. It is not becoming for a girl of your age to be so physical and temperamental. Your character, young lady, could use some sever adjustments. I would suggest that you take note of that Mr. Hidaka," she says in a low voice training her eyes on me. I clear my throat and nod.
"It is absolutely inexcusable for you to attack Jiro unprovoked…."
"But it wasn't like that!" Kaori cries.
"Mind your tongue, Missy!" the principal snaps.
Kaori turns to me and looks at me plaintively grabbing my arm. "But, Daddy, it wasn't like that! I swear. I had a good reason to beat up Jiro. He and his friends were picking on Aniki, and you know how little he is! And when I stood up for him they were being really mean to me too."
"No we weren't!" the boy, who has been silent until now snaps loudly.
"Yes you were, you liar!" Kaori screams back, pointing at him. The boy flinches away from her. "You were calling Aniki 'okama' and you were calling me 'Fujidaka' and everyone knows I –hate- that nickname! You got me mad on purpose, Jiro!"
"Well I didn't know you threw punches like a boy, Fujidaka," the boy jeers.
"Argh!" Kaori starts to get up. I put my hand on her arm and dig my finger in. She tenses.
"Sit down, Kaori," I say dangerously. She sits.
The principal looks at a loss for words. She has been attempting to control the students all during their little tirade and is a bit out of breath. "Ma'am," I begin, "I am very sorry that this has happened. I assure you that Kaori and I will cooperate in any disciplinary actions you choose to take."
She eyes me skeptically. "Yes, well. Since this is her third transgression of this nature it is my opinion that detentions will not suffice any longer. I have chosen to suspend her from school for the duration of a week, effective tomorrow. You are all free to leave."
"Thank you, ma'am," I say and get up to leave. I don't look at Kaori. She scrambles after me and follows me sheepishly down the hallway. I know she feel awful. Good, let it sink in. I'm sick of this, quite frankly. As we get to the front steps of the school she calls out to me.
"Daddy, wait!"
I pause and turn around. She is truly a sight to be seen. Her uniform jumper is wrinkled and dirty, her hair is a mess, the flowers Omi always puts in her barrettes mangled and askew, and her shiner is the cherry on top. She fiddles with her hands and looks guilty. She suddenly bursts into tears.
"Daddy… are you… are you really mad at me?" she sobs, her shoulders shaking. Oh, poor baby. I want to wrap her up in my arms and tell her it's ok. But that would be counter productive as far as teaching a lesson goes… but then again she'll get it good from Ran when we get home. No harm in a little tenderness.
I walk back up the stairs and put my hand on her shoulder. "I am more disappointed than angry."
That didn't help she only cries harder. "But… but… I was only trying to stick up for Aniki and you!"
I furrow my brows. "What do you mean? What else did Jiro say that made you want to fight him?"
She shakes her head, and looks at the ground.
I kneel down. "You can tell me, Kao-chan."
She looks at me with teary eyes. She looks like Ran. I smile softly.
"They… they were saying nasty things about our family. Things that aren't true! They don't understand and they are so mean! They said things about you and Papa and… and that I didn't have a mother. You might think that they don't know or care about things like that, but they do!" she cries fiercely.
So that's it. It can't be easy to be Kaori. I don't imagine that at her age the kids cut her much slack. Still, I know she has a lot of friends. But there are always the ones who will push the buttons, and go for the jugular. I wish I could protect her from the evils in her own world, and not just the evils in mine. I look into her eyes and she cries a little harder. I put my arms around her and pull her to me, hugging her close, stoking her hair.
"Oh, Kaori. It can't be easy. I'm so sorry."
"I had to, Daddy! I had to fight those kids. If I didn't it meant that I'm letting them say those things. I'm letting them call us names and hurt the people I care about! I can't let them!" she says into my shoulder.
I push her back and look hard into her eyes. "I understand why you fought those other students, Kaori, but that doesn't make it ok. Violence can't solve your problems," I say as my hypocrite alarm goes off somewhere in the back of my mind. "When you give in and fight like that then you are doing what they expect you to do. You are giving them the satisfaction of getting you angry. They aren't worth it! No matter what they say, no matter what they do, it isn't worth it. You don't have to answer to anyone about your life. Just tell them that they aren't worth your time. That's the best insult you can give."
It's kinda hard for me to say this, seeing as I am probably the most volatile person I know. Known to lose my cool on a second's notice and talk with my fist as much as with my mouth. At least that's how I was when I was Kaori's age… well and even up until a few years ago… ok, well maybe I still tend to be that way, but not as much. Really.
She hugs my neck. "Ok, Daddy. I'll try."
"Now buck up. Wipe those eyes, cause believe you me, you are going to need those tears when your father gets a hold of you."
She pulls away and stares at me like a deer in headlights. "Oh my gosh, I forgot about Papa! You're right! I better save up what I can, crying is the only way to make him crumble."
I nod. "Yeah and don't forget to look really pitiful. Puppy-dog eyes."
"All the way."
I wink and ruffle her hair. "Let's get you home. You have a nice long week of menial shop labor ahead of you!"
"Aw, Daaad! You can't be serious!"
"Oh, I'm serious, Kao-chan. Dead serious."
"Great."
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Afterward from Marty: Hey! I said last time that I need suggestions for these things cause I'm running out of cute, clever ideas, and I got (count it) one *1*! Pleeaassee I am begging you… input, yes? If you like Baby Talk and you want more then I NEED ideas, cause it is taking me –weeks- to write a single one. And I can't keep fixating on Youji's failed attempts at marital bliss. Sooo… please give me thoughts. Milestones I'm missing? Anything? Help me. Also that one suggestion mentioned adding a Kaori POV section. I was thinking about this myself… thoughts?
And now a message from Marty's shameless ego: Go read my other stuff too. Not that there is that much that's new… but there is my attempt at a song fic! It's Ran/Ken. And I'm gonna write more of them someday… with other pairings. Yeah.
