Disclaimer: I borrowed them and it didn't get me anything but a headache
and bad hangover….
Commetns: Much Rejoicing! After a very long period of awayness, I have finally managed to produce more Baby Talk. I know. I am a bad kitty. After I hampered all you people for ideas and then didn't write anything for like forever. Yeah that was bad of me. But I have a good excuse… kinda. I'm traveling. That's my excuse. Right now… I'm in California. Living in an out of control house with my best friend Evan's Nigerian family. It's majorly… crazy! So I am sorry for slacking for so long on all my fics. I will get some more done… eventually. Anyway for now I will dedicate this to Lilas because she said she was going through RanKen withdrawal earlier. So hope this helps. R&R!! I need the reviews… they make me happy. And do inspire me to a point. Hans… he… he is mean and won't leave me alone. *sniffs* Enjoy. I added a Kaori section. It's kinda short. Oh well. POV order goes Ran, Youji, Omi, Ken, Kaori. Yeah.
Warning: This is hella long!!
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One, two, three… across the floor, around the couch. Wobble. She snuffles in surprise and grips my fingers a little tighter. We are walking. Well… she is walking while holding onto my hands. Which perhaps isn't really walking, but it won't be long. I stoop over her, glancing up occasionally to make sure we don't run into any of the furniture.
We closed the shop today. "Official Business." Actually the weather was too nice to spend all day in the shop, so we closed it. Omi and Youji took off to 'enjoy the great outdoors.' This actually means that Youji dragged Omi to the park with him to pick up women. Apparently Omi helps because he's 'just so cute!' and it makes Youji seem less lecherous… or something. It's like having a puppy, I guess… only it's having a bishounen instead. Poor Omi.
"Well, look at you. What a big girl, what a big girl you are, Kaori-chan," I hear Ken say and look up to see him smiling at us from across the room. He's standing there in his jeans, an old faded t-shirt of mine, and stocking feet. I feel warm just looking at him. He always looks so good to me, no matter what he has on. Even if it's nothing. I grin wickedly, but he doesn't notice. He squats down and waves to Kaori.
"Hi, sweetheart, are you walking? Yeah. Can you walk to Daddy? How is her balance getting, koi?" he asks, brushing his hair out of his eyes.
I kneel down behind Kaori and put my hands around her little waist to steady her. "Good. She can stand on her own, but you already knew that," I say.
"Yeah, I did, but I haven't walked her around much lately, so I don't know how much better she's gotten," he replies, rocking back on his heels. He begins to wobble and then looses his balance. "Huh, whoa!" he cries as he falls back onto his rear end. He looks over at me and giggles, running a hand through his hair sheepishly. "Clumsy as ever. Some things never change." He gets back onto his feet and crouches.
I look at him. I wonder if he can see what's going through my mind. "You are so sexy," I murmur.
His eyebrows shoot up, he blushes. We've been married for almost three years and he still blushes when I say things like that. He's so sincere. "Um… koi? Heh, how does me falling on my ass make me sexy?"
"The fact that you don't know only makes you sexier." Kaori huffs loudly and stamps her little feet. She has no idea why I'm making her stay in one spot as I talk to Ken.
I steer her towards the couch and prop her there, letting her balance while holding onto the armrest. Then I back away from her and sit down, clasping my arms around my legs. I smile at her; she furrows her brows at me and looks cross. She doesn't like being stranded over by the couch. Ken chuckles. "What are you doing, koibito?"
"Maybe she'll walk to one of us," I say looking at him over my shoulder. He shakes his head.
"That's just mean."
I can't help but notice the way his jean pull against him as he squats on the carpet. He chews on his bottom lip and wobbles precariously on he balls of his feet. I can't take it. Just looking at him makes me crazy. I stretch out onto all fours and begin to move towards him. "Or better yet," I say softly, "maybe she'll walk to both of us."
He blinks and looks at me as I advance on him. He raises one eyebrow. "You are so weird."
"Hn." I crawl towards him slowly. His eyes become more and more disbelieving as I come to kneel between his legs. I put my hands on his hips and tug sharply, tipping him forward, off balance. He straddles my legs, sitting down hard against my thighs with a little 'uf.' He's blushing furiously as he meets my eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, but I don't let him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, grabbing a fistful of his hair and begin to nibble at his neck. Now all that escapes his lips is a startled but justified moan. I pull him against me tightly and he makes a little squeaking sound.
"Koi… not… ahh, the baby. We have to… watch… the baby!" he gasps, pushing against my shoulder half-heartedly.
"Watch her then," I breathe against his skin. He smells like apple blossoms and sweat. I love the way Ken smells. It's such a turn on. I nip his earlobe just to hear him suck his breath in sharply. I can feel the tenseness in his body. He wants to give in, but I can tell he doesn't exactly know what to do concerning Kao-chan. Neither do I for that matter. I don't know how I let myself get carried away like this… but it's Ken… how can I resist? And it isn't like she's old enough to get what's going on. I am a responsible adult… really.
Through the love haze I am caught up in with Ken, I vaguely feel is body language begin to change. He smacks my shoulders rather violently and starts to grumble something that I can't hear for the rushing in my ears. I pull him tighter and lick the base of his neck, nuzzling his shoulder.
"Ran! Stop as sec… argh… uhn!"
I feel his fists tighten in my hair and then sharp pain shoots through my scalp as he forcefully yanks my head back by the roots. I yelp in pain and shove him off of my lap. He slides back onto his ass and begins to struggle to get up again.
"What was that about?!" I growl, rubbing the back of my head, glaring at him.
"Would you control yourself for one minute and just look?!" he cries, sitting up all the way and grabbing my arm, trying to spin me around. I turn my head quickly and feel my breath suck in.
Kaori is standing about two feet from the couch, wobbling precariously on her chubby little legs. She glares back at both of us as if to say, 'finally you start paying attention to me again!' She raspberries at us, and sticks out her tongue.
I get onto my knees and Ken sidles up beside me. We're both smiling broadly. Ken pats the carpet. "Come on Kao-chan, come to the daddies."
I stretch out my arms to her and wiggle my fingers, beckoning. "Come on, sweetie. Come to us."
Ken and I hold our breathes as she cocks her head to one side and wobbles a bit before taking a tentative step forwards. She shakes a little and then brings her other foot forward. I can't believe she's doing it. I can't believe she's gotten so big. It seems like we just brought her home. She takes a few more wobbly steps towards us and then promptly teeters a little too much and falls onto her little diapered bottom.
She pouts and looks cross. That is until Ken jumps to his feet and rushes towards her with a loud whoop. He scoops her up and tosses her into the air. My stomach churns just like it does every time I watch Ken do things like that, but I bite my tongue. I trust him… but it still makes me queasy. She squeals in delight and a little fear as Ken catches her again and spins her around. He blows air on her tummy and then squeezes her tightly, all the while babbling praises in baby talk. Kaori giggles and puts her hands on his face.
"Ablathbla!" she cries and then puts her head on his shoulder, peering at me with wide eyes. I wiggle my fingers at her and then get to my feet coming to stand beside them.
"I can't believe she actually walked, koi! This is so exciting. When Youji and Omi get back we're all going out to dinner," he says breathlessly, patting Kao-chan on the back. She wuffles and sits back up, stretching her arms towards me.
"Eeaiaia!"
I smile gently and take her from Ken's arms. She sighs deeply and then yawns, drooling on my shoulder a bit as she snuggles against me. I pat her back. I jounce her a bit and walk towards the couch. "I wonder what inspired her to walk just then…," I say absently.
"Probably because we were paying attention to each other and not to her," Ken says. "Either that or she's a yaoi freak…."
I take the time to work up a really good glare of death before I look back at him over my shoulder. "That's disgusting," I say dryly. "She's not even a year old yet, and she's our –daughter-."
Ken shrugs. "Hey, two hot guys getting it on, is two hot guys getting it on…."
I renew the glare of death. "You need to stop before you really piss me off."
"Hey, I'm not the one who decided to start sucking my neck while on baby duty," he points out, putting his hands on his hips.
I smile deviously and roll my eyes. "Yeah well…."
"Yeah well," he echoes coming to stand by me. He puts his head on my shoulder so that he is eye to eye with Kaori. She blinks at him gravely. "So serious," he murmurs, "just like your father."
She snuffles and turns her head away from Ken. I chuckle.
"And just as temperamental," Ken adds. He puts his arm around my waist and nuzzles my shoulder. "Think she'd take a nap?"
"It's possible."
"Well why don't we find out?" he says sweetly.
"Then what are just the two of us going to do by ourselves?" I ask raising my eyebrows.
He looks up, smirking. "I'm sure we can think of something."
"Unfinished business?"
"Exactly."
* * * * * *
It's amazing how used to having a thirty pound weight on your chest one can become. I don't even bother trying to get her off any more. It doesn't work. A losing battle from the very start. At least she doesn't bounce any more. No she just sits there, happy as a clam, watching TV. I can't imagine my chest is a very comfortable place to sit, but she doesn't seem to care.
I take a deep breath and she rises with my inhalation. My ribs are beginning to ache, but like I said it isn't worth trying to get her off.
"What are you thinking about up there, tater-tot?" I ask absently.
She shrugs. "Nothing, Uncle Youji. Jus wondering when Auntie was coming back," she answers flatly.
"Well… Auntie Aya is living on her own now. She's working to become a doctor… or something," I answer.
"I know."
There is a sound of general discontent behind us. Shuffling socks on the carpet and I look over as two short clad legs pause by my head. I follow them up and see the rather melancholy face of Omi Tsukiyono staring down at me. He sits abruptly, Indian style and sighs heavily.
I roll my eyes. "Still pissing and moaning, Omittchi?"
"Yeah… I don't know what's wrong with me," he answers putting his face in his hands.
"There's only one thing that's going to make you feel better…," I answer in a sing song voice.
He shakes his head and moans loudly. "Don't start with me, Kudou," he groans.
"You know it's truuuue. There's only one reason she leeeeft. And it starts with an 'L' and ends with an 'E' and has something to do with the fact that you are a spineless twerp," I drawl, grabbing Kao-chan's shoulder and pulling her back. She props herself up on her elbows on my chest and glares over at Omi.
"Yeah, spineless twerp," she echoes. I kiss the back of her neck and grin at Omi.
"Don't you even start with me, Missy!" he barks, "It's your fault that Youji even knows. I wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for you. I can't believe you found out and then –told- him."
She rolls her eyes. "A' least I didn' tell Papa."
"She does have a point, bishounen," I reply, running a hand through her hair.
Omi grumbles and then groans again, putting his head back in his hands. "I almost wish you had…."
This melodrama is too much for me to take. The whole situation is ridiculous. Aya left because there was nothing to keep her here after a while except the potential of a relationship with Omi, which of course Omi wasn't pursuing because of his deep seeded fear of the pointy end of Aya- kun's katana. So when she got the job offer back in Tokyo she took it, and it worked out nicely seeing as I was moving back in due to Rikuko and my… er… irreconcilable differences. Well it seemed to work out nicely till Kao- chan told me about the little romance that had been brewing. Which explained Omi's melancholy.
The fact of the matter is, pretty much everybody wants Aya-chan to come back. She did the laundry and was always happy and helped take care of Kaori when we had missions or had to be at work, and most of all Aya-kun felt a lot better knowing that she was safely near him. But of course the only way she's coming back is if Omi asks her to with many professions of love and need and sleepless nights. And that means that he'll have to tell Aya-kun the whole story, and it also means that Aya-kun will have to accept it.
"Just go tell him!" I snap. "You can't just give up on your feelings for her because of an overprotective sibling. Aya-kun will get over it. It's not his place to say who either of you can be with."
Omi stretches his neck back and then looks over at me. "It isn't that simple, Youji."
"Uncle Omi… I want Auntie Aya to come home…," Kaori-chan says with a trembling lip and big eyes. She sniffs dramatically and then crawls off my chest and into Omi's lap. She slips her little arms around Omi's neck and sniffles into his shoulder. "Please make her come back, Uncle Omittchi… so we can be a … a family." She sqeezes her eyes shut and forces a few tears.
Omi bites his lip. I can see the battle warring inside of his head. He furrows his eyebrows and then makes a funny choking sound, wrapping his arms around Kaori's little body. "Oh, Kao-chan… I want us to be a family too…," he takes a deep breath and then gently takes her out of his lap and sets her on the floor. He gets up, his hands balled in determined fists. "I… I'm going to talk to Ran. Even if he is angry… I should tell him the truth. Then I'm calling Aya."
He stalks away stiffly and mounts the stairs.
Kaori and I watch him and then I turn to her. "Way to go, tater-tot," I say holing up my hand. We high-five. She grins at me wickedly, no trace of tears in her eyes.
"I knew it would work."
"The whole 'family' thing was a nice touch."
She nods. "Waterworks."
"Oh yeah, you are definitely a con artist in the making. Hmmm… what do you say we go out for some ice cream or something? I don't really want to be here when the nuclear holocaust starts," I say looking at her, propping myself up on my elbows.
She nods vigorously. "Papa's gonna be grouchy… and Daddy's gonna be grouchy cause Papa is. Let's go, Uncle Yotan."
I stand up and stretch and then stoop, sweeping Kaori up in my arms. She giggles and grabs onto my hair. She still likes to pull it. What a cutie. "Alrighty then. It's an afternoon with Uncle Youji."
"Whee!" she cries kicking her legs.
We head towards the door and I give her a big kiss in the middle of her forehead. "Hey, Uncle?"
"Yeees?"
"Since you and Aunt Rikuko aren't married anymore… can I marry you some day?!" she asks with wide eyes.
I raise my eyebrows. "Well, Kaori-chan, I think I'm a little old for you. And… you deserve someone waaay better than me. I just don't think it would work out."
She thinks about this for a minute and then shrugs. "I guess, but I wanna marry someone just like you then."
Oh no you don't. I won't let you marry someone just like me. I'll lace the loser up in razor wire first. "Well, you could marry Kenji," I reply.
She giggles fitfully. "He's a baby!"
"Yeah, but he won't always be a baby," I answer.
"I guess not, but still. I'd rather marry you."
"Not gonna happen."
"Ok. Can we go to the park too?"
"Whatever you want, tater-tot," I reply swinging her down and slipping my shoes on. *sigh* What a pity the only woman I get along with is three and half years old. And she didn't even cry when I broke up with her. If only real women were as easy to get along with. Oh well.
* * * * * *
She pulls herself farther up onto the couch as Chojiro-kun toddles by with sticky hands and wide eyes. He pauses and looks over at her, clapping appreciatively.
"Kao!" he cries.
She smiles blandly, her lip curling more than anything else. I chuckle to myself. More like Ran every day. I ruffle her hair as she pulls her legs tightly up against her chest.
"Kao! Kao!" he repeats coming closer and reaching for her.
"Go play, Choji-kun," she whines flicking her wrists at him. "Don't… touch me, you're sticky," she growls.
"Chojiro, come see Mommy!" Aya calls from the other room. "Bath time!"
My son takes a huge gulp of air and nearly falls over in his excitement. Everyone says that he's just like me and sometimes I wonder if that isn't an insult. I don't remember being that… genki. Of course I have to admit that there is a definite resemblance, even though he has his mother's coloring. Soushi is the light one, the reserved one.
Chojiro toddles off and I ruffle Kaori's hair again. "I remember when you were that age. You used to throw food at me when I fed you," I say softly, leaning over to kiss her head.
"Yeah well. Just because I used to be a baby doesn't mean I have to like them. Don't get me wrong, Uncle Omi, of course I love my cousins. I'd just prefer it if they didn't… come near me after eating… or at any other time," she says. "Besides I liked it when you and Auntie Aya lived with us, and you were just my Uncle Omi."
"I'm still your Uncle, Kao-chan."
"I know. But I like it when you were just mine," she answers nudging my ribs with her elbow.
"Yeah, I know. But things change."
"When are my daddies getting home?" she asks abruptly.
I run my hand through her hair. "Soon," I answer. It's odd watching her sometimes. Especially since Aya and I had children, because looking at her I know that she isn't really a cousin to them. She is their sister. She is Aya's daughter. The physical resemblance she has to Soushi is quite striking. They both have those narrow Fujimaya eyes, and some of the gestures, the way they look or tilt their heads. So similar. I wonder if Kaori will ever know the truth, or if it bothers Aya-chan at all. I know that it never used to, but now that she has children of her own… does she feel the maternal pull towards Kaori?
I shake my head. It isn't really worth worrying about.
The phone rings. I reach for the receiver, but Kaori beats me to it. "Moshi-moshi, Tsukiyono residence, Kaori speaking."
I roll my eyes and hold out my hand. She shakes her head and giggles. "It's Daddy!" she cries. "Hi, Daddy, are you home?… Oh, good… No, no I've been having a good time at Uncle Omi's, but I miss you so much…. I don't –want- anything! I'm being serious! I just wanna come home. Can I come home now? …. Uncle Omi doesn't want to talk to you, he's making evil eyes at the phone."
"Kaori! Give me the phone!" I say, trying to stifle a giggle.
She laughs out loud before I manage to wrestle the phone from her. I hold it up to my ear and settle back into the couch. I hear Ken chuckling on the other end. "Hey, Ken, it's me."
"Oh, really? I thought maybe it was someone else."
I pause. I'm easily confused. "Stop being weird. Are you and Ran back now? Everything worked out? No problems?"
"No, no problems. We got all the information we needed. Thanks for looking after Kao-chan while we did the research."
I shake my head. "No problem. Is Youji back as well?"
"Yeah. He's around here somewhere. I think he said something about having a date tonight," Ken says a little hesitantly.
"A date?!" I can't keep the disbelief out of my voice. He hasn't even looked at a woman since Asami's funeral. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. He said he met some woman somewhere and… well a date has ensued. I don't know. I think it's healthy for him to get out there again."
"Yeah, unless he's doing what he did after Asuka died. Well… just make sure he doesn't start being an idiot or do anything stupid," I say seriously.
"Yeah yeah. Ran is practically Youji's emotional police now, so I'm not worried. Anyway, do you mind walking Kao-chan home? If you are busy I can drive over…," Ken says slowly.
"No, no it's fine. Aya is giving the twins a bath so it's fine if I leave. Besides there are a couple things at the Koneko I should pick up… then maybe I can get some work done tonight too."
"That would be good. Well, see you soon. Thanks Omi-chan."
The line goes dead. Omi-chan? Married with children and I'm still 'Omi- chan.' I shake my head. Oh well. I look over at Kaori who has been trying to follow the one sided conversation.
"Ready to go home, Kaori-chan?" I ask smiling.
"I was born ready, Uncle Omi," she responds hopping off the couch and making a break for the door. I follow her and start to put on my shoes and coat. "I remember when Uncle Yotan and Aunt Asami lived here," she says quietly.
I look at her and watch as her eyes get a little dreamy.
"We used to take a lot of walks from this door."
"I can still feel their presence here," I say softly, patting her head. "Especially Asami."
She looks up at me and smiles. She looks like Ken when she smiles. We walk out the door in silence.
It's a calm evening. People come and go up and down the sidewalks, cars drive by more slowly than usual it seems. We don't talk much. Kaori likes to go inside her head and stay there. I can tell because her mouth works over words that she isn't saying out loud. I wonder what goes on inside that little head of hers.
About halfway to the shop I spy Youji walking towards us. I flag him down. "Hey, Kudou!"
"Oi, Omi, walking the tater-tot home?"
"Uncle Youji!" Kaori cries latching onto his legs.
"Hey, sweetness," he responds, patting her back. She lets go and starts to bob impatiently at his elbow.
"Ken said you were going out on a date, is that true?" I ask as nonchalantly as I can.
Youji smiles a little sadly. "Yep. I'm hitting the dating pool once again. I figure it's a crime to deprive the ladies as long as I'm available."
I snicker. "I have news for you, Yotan, you aren't 25 anymore."
He runs a sheepish hand through his hair. "Hell, bishounen I'm not even 35 anymore. God only knows how I got to be this old. I think some retirement might be in the works…."
I laugh. "Don't start thinking that way, Youji. We've got a few more good years in us yet, and you can believe that you-know-who will milk them for all they're worth."
Youji and I continue with our small talk. I don't get to see enough of him anymore. He and I haven't live together for what seems like years… seems like? Has been! I decide to make it a point to spend more time with the others.
By the time Youji and I part ways Kaori has wandered off. I look around for her a bit worriedly. The last thing I need is to lose Ran's daughter. That would not make things very happy for me.
"Kaori?! Kao-chan?!" I call.
I move down the sidewalk a ways. Scuffling sounds from an alleyway catch my attention. As I head in that direction two prepubescent boys come scurrying out of it, one with a bloody nose and the other with eyes the size of dinner plates and a big red handprint on his cheek. Bingo. I rush into the alley and stop short.
"Can you believe some people!" Kaori cries, stalking towards me. "I can't believe it. What a couple of juvenile delinquents. Picking on a defenseless animal like that! What a load of crap!" She walks into the middle of the sidewalk and shakes her fist down the street. "Think of that the next time you pick on a puppy!"
"Kao-chan, watch you mouth!" I snap. "What have we told you about getting into fights?!"
"It wasn't a fight, Uncle Omi," she says earnestly coming back into the alley way. She jogs past me to the dumpster at the far end. "I was just defending the less fortunate from the oppression of the wicked."
I raise an eyebrow. This girl is following in some footsteps. It's scary. "Oh, really? And how so? You know your fathers aren't going to be very happy with either of us if I tell them that I let you get in a fight on the way home."
She starts to hoist herself up into the dumpster. She's already dangling halfway up, her little arms working furiously to pull her body after them by the time I realize what it is she's trying to accomplish. "Then don't… argh.. uf… tell them, and…I.. ugh… I told you… unhh… it wasn't a… a fight," she pants as she begins to hook one leg over the lip of the metal trash receptacle. "Could you… unngh… give me a… a hand?"
"There is no way I am going to help you into a dumpster. What are you doing?!" I cry walking to her. I grab her around the waist and try to pull her off. She squeals and clamps down on the greasy container.
"Nooo! I hafta go in there!" she cries.
"There is no way in hell I am going to let you swim around in that garbage can!" I say giving her another tug.
"I have to, Uncle Omi. They threw it in there! I have to go and save it!"
"Save what?"
"The puppy!"
My heart squeezes. Puppy? Puppy in a dumpster? That's so sad! "Oh alright!" I growl, putting my hands on her behind and lifting her up over the top. She cries out in surprise and disappears over the edge. I can hear her rummaging around in the filth and I can just begin to imagine the chewing out I'm going to get when I waltz her into the Koneko covered in refuse. "How can you stand to be in there?" I ask at length. "You didn't even want Chojiro to touch you with his sticky fingers, but you'll swim around in garbage?"
"That's different. Babies are dirty…." Her voice echoes around in the metal container.
"And this rusted hunk of a dumpster isn't?" I ask as sarcastically as I can.
There is a pause in both the rummaging and the conversation. When it finally picks up again all I hear is a muttered, "It's different…."
I cross my arms and lean against the dumpster, looking at my nails. "Are you sure they threw it in there?"
"Yes!"
"Ok, ok. Don't get snippy."
There is a startled yelping sound from inside the behemoth trashcan. "Oh there you are! It's ok, little guy. I'm here to help you." More yelping and scuffling. "I got 'im. I'm coming out. Catch me!"
"Whatever," I answer. I see her feet kick up over the lip of the dumpster and then suddenly the rest of her is tumbling after. I very nearly don't catch her in time, but in the end I break her fall with my chest. As I lie flat on my back on the filthy alley floor she looks down at me and smiles sweetly.
"Thanks, Uncle Omi! You're the best partner in crime a girl could want!" she chirps.
"Thanks. Just what I always wanted," I grumble. "Now get off before I start to smell as bad as you do."
She giggles and stands up. I struggle to my feet and look down at her. She smiles and holds up a rather mangled, filth encrusted, fur ball. It squirms. "That's not a puppy," I say flatly, "it's a dust bunny covered in slime."
"Uncle!" she cries, "it's not his fault he all crusty! You would be too if you lived under a dumpster in an alley way and had nasty boys poking you with sticks and throwing mud and stuff at you."
I think about this. And almost start to laugh. I can just see me living under a dumpster…. Wait… that's all wrong.
"Alright, well we rescued it, so now put it back in it's home and lets get you back to the shop," I say turning to walk away.
"I can't just leave it! It won't survive out here alone! Those boys will come back or it will get eaten by a feral cat or something."
A feral cat? Where did that come from?
"Well then what exactly do you intend to do with it?" I ask, already fearing and knowing the answer.
"I'm going to take it home and clean it up," she says defiantly already marching past me and back onto the street.
I roll my eyes. Just great. I know that it isn't any use to argue with her. She's even more stubborn than Ken and that's saying something. But I do not relish the reception I am going to receive from Ran when I bring his little doll home not only smelling like a landfill but with a gremlin to boot. I follow her down the street and pick a loose piece of what appears to be rotten lettuce out of her hair. She's so wrapped up in the disgusting little ball in her arms that she doesn't notice the looks we are getting from the other passersby on the street or the wide berth people are starting to give her. Not that I blame them. I smile apologetically at the few more disapproving matrons, but what can I do? She's not my child.
As soon as we get to the Koneko she bursts through the door, sending the greeting bells to gangling furiously. *Ting tling tling* "Daddy! Daddy! Papa! Look, look what I found!" she cries eagerly.
I sigh and sidle inside, keeping as close to the door as possible. Ken and Ran both come forward to greet their ecstatic daughter. Ken is wiping his hands on a towel and Ran holds a pair of shears in one hand and a clipped rose stem in the other.
Her clothes are streaked with dirt, little bits of rotten this and that cling to her hair, and she emits a smell that is reminiscent of a sewer vent. Ran stops dead his mouth falling open, his eyes widening in horrified disbelief at the sight of his child. Ken does much the same but has the sense to manage, "What on earth…."
She smiles brightly and holds up the fur ball. It yips appreciatively. "I found him in a dumpster. I'm gonna name him Gaki! Can I keep him?!"
Ran's mouth works furiously to find the words he wants to exclaim, but he can't quite pull himself together sufficiently. Ken starts to laugh hysterically.
I wave, hiding a snicker behind one hand, pushing the door open with my shoulder. "See you later." I'll get those things I wanted to work on tomorrow.
* * * * * *
It's been a long day. Lying on my bed, the bed I share with Ran, I can feel all the muscles in my body trying to relax. But I'm all bound up in knots. I wish Ran were here to talk to about all this, but he was hauled off to the Kritiker building first thing when the mission was completed. There are a lot of questions to answer. I suppose I should be glade that Kaori has locked herself in her room and refuses to talk to me. Questions can wait this way.
What a fiasco. An absolute disasterpiece. I bury my head deeper into one of the pillows and try to make sense of the whole thing.
There was a mission. A mission that involved the kidnapping of middle school and high school girls. Pretty straightforward, average, bad guy stuff. We've dealt with this thing a million times. The girls usually ended up dead or sold to white slavers or forced into prostitution. Sometimes we got them back alive, sometimes we saved lives. Not always. 'We aren't here to save lives,' is what Ran always says. Sometimes that comforts me. Not all the time.
Kaori started coming home telling us about girls who had been missing from her school, her class even. Ran and I got worried. We made her stay home from school on the days we couldn't walk her there ourselves. Other people's children are one thing, but when it's your own child… there was no way in hell we were going to let her get caught up in any of the shit we have to deal with. Halfway through our preparations for the mission one of Kaori's friends, Miki Nomoto, went missing. This was too much for Kaori to take. Her sense of justice blown way out of proportion, she broke house arrest to look for her.
I suppose the rest is history. I don't know how Kaori knew where to look for Miki, but she did. She added herself to the list of missing persons. I thought the house was going to have a nuclear melt down when we figured out what had happened. I thought my heart would stop beating. I've never seen Ran look the way he looked when he told us that preparations were over. We were completing the mission –now-.
Of course everything worked out. It really wasn't that big of a deal in the end. Just some pedophilic men who liked to gain the trust of young women by hanging around their school yards and lure then to a dark and secluded place where they could keep them locked up, but of course we already knew that going in. What we didn't know was whether they kept them locked up in parts or in wholes, breathing or not so much.
I roll over and blink, trying to keep sleep away. I want to know what Persia wanted with Ran.
I conjure up the image of Kaori backing herself farther and farther into a corner as she slowly realizes what is going on, as her –fathers- slice through the bodies of pleading men, mercilessly ending their lives with obviously practiced efficiency. A spray of blood splattered across her cheek and as I reached for her with a gloved hand her eyes grew wide with terror. I'd called her name softly, but all she could do was shake her head and stare at me blankly.
It was Ran who finally tired to get her to her feet and take her out of there, but she screamed and ran to the side of her dazed friend. She latched onto Miki's arm and the two of them sat huddled, shivering and crying. She stared at us without recognition. Afraid of scaring her farther or making things worse Ran and I couldn't bring ourselves to make her move. It was Youji who finally told her to pull herself together and pulled her to her feet.
We herded the rest of the children out of the building and told them to call their parents. Mission over.
Kaori didn't say anything in the car on the way home except, "I thought we sold the Porsche."
Omi met us back at the Koneko, speeding up on his bike. He'd been the backup, waiting outside incase something unexpected happened.
"Kao-chan!" he'd cried running to her and embracing her. "I'm so glad that you're ok."
She let herself be hugged like a rag doll. "Not you too, Uncle… what are you wearing?" she'd murmured.
"Kaori let us try to explain," Ran began, touching her head with a gloved hand.
"Ahh! Don't touch me! You're all obviously crazy!" she screamed. "Leave me alone!" With that she'd ran up the stairs and disappeared into her room. The door slamming loudly behind her.
That's when Manx appeared and Ran had to leave. Since then I've been trying to collect myself here on the bed. I feel so… guilty. Like I've betrayed my own flesh and blood. But what else could we have done? There just never seemed to be a good time to explain things before. I can't even begin to explain how awful and awkward I feel right now.
Despite my reluctance I finally fade away into sleep. I'm exhausted. So tired….
The bed sags, a familiar presence stirs my dreams and I pull myself back into wakefulness. I take a deep breath and sit partway up, looking around. "Ran…?" I call softly. I turn to peer over my shoulder. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, head in hands.
"What did Persia want?" I ask bluntly.
He sighs deeply but doesn't answer. Instead he turns and crawls up onto the bed. He puts his arms around me and pulls me down with him, spooning with me, our bodies pressed together. He buries his face in the back of my neck and kisses me once before tightening his arms around me so that I can hardly breathe.
"What did Persia want?" I repeat the question.
"Hn…."
"Tell me."
"It won't make you happy," he says at length.
"I'm already not happy. Now tell me what he wanted." I run my hand over his arm.
"Kaori. He wants Kaori. For Kritiker. Some… new program involving the children of existing Kritiker members. 'Kinder' I think he said. It's for conditioning… or something. I wasn't really listening."
I laugh hollowly. "Persia wants our daughter… and you weren't really listening?!"
"… I didn't have to. We don't have a choice in the matter. And we have to explain things tonight," he says in a voice I don't really recognize.
I tense and try to turn to look at him. "What do you mean 'we don't have a choice?' Of course we have a choice! She's our daughter!" I cry.
There is a long pause, he doesn't move, I can't even tell if he's breathing. "No… not really. We didn't create her. She is of you and Aya, but… it was Kritiker that funded her existence… don't you remember? The way Persia put it… Kaori is the property of Kritiker. She always has been."
"What?! People are not property! If he's serious then he's no better than… than all the people we've killed for him!" I cry pulling away from Ran and standing up. I'm so furious I'm shaking.
Ran sits up and shakes his head. "No, it's not quite like that. Persia said that we have to –tell- Kaori about Kritiker and about this… Kinder program. She has the right to choose whether or not she joins, but you and I don't have any say in the matter."
"Still… we are her parents! We raised her! We… we… I don't want her involved in a life like ours," I say, rather defeated.
Ran gets off the bed slowly and takes me in his arms. I collapse against his shoulder and would dissolve into tears if I still had the energy. As it stands I just shake against him, unable to stop. I had so many hopes for her… I wanted her life to be peaceful and happy. But I know my daughter. She'll sign her soul over to Kritiker without a second thought. She's always had an over developed sense of justice…. I don't want to watch her soul harden to the beauty of life.
"We should go to her," he says softly against my hair. I can't answer him in words. I just nod against his shoulder.
He takes my hand and leads me out of our room. How are we going to make all of this make sense to her? I mean… she's always known that something was a little strange, but… she never really asked questions.
Ran knocks on the closed door. There is no response. "Kaori? Please open the door," he calls softly. Nothing.
I try, stepping past his shoulder and wrapping with one knuckle on the hard wooden door. "Kao-chan, please let us in. We need to talk to you."
There is a long pause and then, "Go away."
Ran presses forward. "Open the door."
"I don't want to. Can't you just let me sleep? I'll talk to you tomorrow," comes her reply, a short snap.
"No. This can't wait. Let us in. Now," Ran's voice means business. Kaori rarely ignores that tone.
"I don't want to!" she screams again.
"Have it your way," Ran growls. He takes a step back and then puts his shoulder to the door, shoving it open. It swings inward with a startled pop. It was nothing.
"What are you doing?! I told you I don't want to see you! Now you can just break into my room with no regard to my privacy?! Get out! I don't know you!" she cries from her bed. She hasn't changed from the clothes she's been wearing for over a day. Gaki jumps down from her bed, hair on end. He lowers his head and growls deeply.
Ran casts him a sharp glance, "Down!" The large dog flattens its ears and tilts its head to the side, showing throat. Ran never liked the dog… but then again Ran doesn't like animals much in general.
"Don't yell at him! He's just trying to protect me," she cries getting to her knees on the bed. "And he doesn't lie to me!"
"We never lied to you, Kao-chan!" I cry, pushing past Ran and sitting down on her bed. The bed that used to be mine. I reach for her, but she pulls away.
"Don't touch me! You're a murderer! I saw it with my own eyes, you … you killed those men!" she cries. "You can't kill people."
"We've been killing people since before you were born, Kaori," I hear Ran's deep voice say evenly. "It's what we do. Ken, Youji, Omi, and I are killers. Asassins. We kill for money."
Her eyes widen slightly and her body tenses. Then she begins to cry. Poor kid, she's only twelve. This is a lot to take in. Everything we've taught her is in direct opposition to what we actually do.
I take her in my arms and pull her to my chest, cradling her against me. She sobs against my shoulder and I stroke her hair gently quieting her. "I… I don't… understand," she hiccups against me.
"It isn't quite how your father said," I say softly, casting Ran a rather nasty glance. That was a bit uncalled for of him.
"How is it not the truth, Ken?" he asks coming to sit next to me on the bed. Kaori looks up at him from my shoulder and squeezes me a bit more tightly.
"We don't just kill anyone, Kaori. We… we work for an organization called Kritiker. We only kill criminals, bad people who escape the law. So we're kinda like a very extended police force."
"That's stretching it a bit, don't you think, Ken?" Ran growls.
"Well… maybe. We take missions and go after targets… people who do horrible, illegal things. We kill to protect the people of Japan," I say. That sounded super cheesy.
"I don't care! You should have told me before. I should know things like this, and you scared me so much! I… I've never seen anything like what you did to those men," she cries shaking her head and burying her face in my shoulder. "How am I supposed to feel about seeing my… my family do –that- to other human beings? You're supposed to make me feel safe and… protect me… take care of my life, and… and all that blood and the screaming! Because of you! How should I feel about that?!" Ran moves closer and puts his arms around both of us. Kaori's tears are redoubled. He whispers into her ear and runs his hand over her back. We all sit like this for a time, just trying to get back to feeling like a family.
"We haven't changed, Kaori-chan," Ran says, trying to comfort. "Ever since you were born, I've done my job only to protect you. That's what parents do. They protect their children from harm. We just do it a little more… kinetically."
"I'm sorry that we hurt you, sweetheart," I say, "but we had to save you, and killing those men was the only way to make sure you and Miki and the other kids would be safe. But like your father said: we are still the same people we've always been. Now you just know our dirty little secret."
We sit still for a few more minutes and slowly Kaori's tears begin to fade as what we've told her sinks in. She pulls away from me and sits back, rubbing at her eyes. She looks back and forth between us. "So… let me get this straight…you guys are like some sort of… vigilantes of justice? Why has my life suddenly turned into a bad episode of 'Charlie's Angels?' Don't tell me you have some sort of snappy name too."
Ran and I glance at each other. "Weiβ," we say in flat tandem.
She looks at us blankly and then raises her eyebrows. "You mean like… 'white' in German?"
We nod a bit lamely. She actually starts to giggle. "That's hilarious," she snickers. "Don't tell me, right, you've got an arch nemesis and they are called 'Schwartz!' That would be a gas!" she says, beginning to laugh out loud. "'Schwartz!' Oh, that would be classic!"
As her laughter slowly becomes louder Ran and I exchanger rather hesitant glances and don't say anything.
She looks up. "Come on, why aren't you guys laughing? You have to admit that would just be priceless, too much."
We exchange another glance and I shrug, opening my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Ran looks up at the ceiling. Kaori's mouth falls open. "Oh my god, don't tell me you really –do- have an arch nemesis called Schwartz!"
"Well… we did…," I begin.
"It's a long story," Ran says quickly.
Now Kaori's laughing hysterically. "That's so bad! I can't take it, I'm going to die!" She falls back onto the bed squealing maniacally. She bangs one fist on the wall.
Ran and I start to giggle too. It really was ridiculous when you thought about it.
Youji appears by the door in his pajamas and leans against the door frame. "What in the world is going on in here?" he drawls.
Kaori sits up, tears of laughter in her eyes. "Oh… Uncle Youji… Schwartz… whoo! It's too much!" She collapses again.
Youji raises one eyebrow and shakes his head. "I don't remember anything terribly funny about Schwartz…. Wait did she just say 'Schwartz?!' As in –the- Schwartz? As in the freaky foursome Schwartz?" he cries.
I nod, still giggling. "Well there wasn't much choice in telling her now, was there?"
"I guess not," Youji says turning away. "But do try to keep it down… I need my beauty rest."
Kaori squeals anew. "You guys are living in a cheesy manga! Weiβ, Schwartz, Kritiker… whoo hahaha! What, do you have catchy code names too? Muwahahaha!"
"Ok, ok that's enough!" I snap. She's starting to hit a little close to home. "This shouldn't be taken lightly."
"Your dad's right," Ran says pulling Kaori back up to sit with us. "Now are you sure you are going to be ok?"
She blinks away a few more laughter-induced tears and takes a deep breath. "I guess so. I mean… I'm gonna have to think about it for a while. But I think I can get used to it. I always used to figure you guys were in some sort of FBI or CIA type deal with the government, so this won't be that much harder to accept. But I might have nightmares about earlier…."
"You can sleep with us if you do," I say kissing her head.
"Uhh... thanks, Dad, but I think I'm old enough to sleep by myself," she says flatly, giving me a weird look.
I raise my hands. "Oh, of course you are. Sorry."
"There's one more thing," Ran says suddenly. Oh great. I'd forgotten about our earlier conversation. "Kritiker has a… program… for the children of members of its teams. It's called 'Kinder' I think. Persia, our boss, has asked that you join if you would like to." He stares off into the darkness of the room, not wanting to make eye contact with either of us. I hold my breath and my tongue. I don't want to say anything.
"Umm… do you think I should?" she asks at length.
"We can't give you advice. You have to make this decision for yourself," Ran says quietly.
"Well… I guess I would like to see exactly what it is that this Kritiker place does. Can I go and just see? I think I'd like to see. Then I can decide if I want to stay with it right?"
"Of course. I'll tell Persia," Ran says, the slightest hint of dismay in his voice. I don't think Kaori can detect it, but I've been listening to that voice every day and in my dreams for over fifteen years. I know all its little quirks.
I give Kaori a quick squeeze, knowing that my little baby won't be for much longer. Things are going to change. I don't want them to. I want to freeze time. But that's just wishful thinking. Unrealistic thinking.
"You'll be able to sleep alright?" I ask against her hair. She nods.
"I have Gaki to keep me safe. It's ok," she says assuredly.
I stand as Ran does and step into the curve of his arm. We look down at our daughter. She looks back at us. "Good night, Kao-chan," I say.
Ran kisses her forehead and then we head for the door. "Good night, Dads. But tomorrow we're going to have a serious talk about your assassin fashion sense. It was the costumes that scared me the most."
We glare back at her. "Smart ass," we growl in tandem.
* * * * * *
I wake for no particular reason. Not that I was really sleeping all that well anyway. I stretch and sit up, swinging my legs out from under the covers. My long legs. Too long. I'm too tall. Why do I have to be cursed like this?
Gaki grumbles and then yawns, his huge muzzle gaping open. "Phew, dog breath," I hiss. I pat him, trying to push him off the bed, but he's too big for me to sway in any realistic manner. "Gaki! Get off! I'm too hot with you on here."
He shakes his head and pants playfully attempting to roll over. He fails. There isn't enough room on the bed. "Don't get all flirty with me, mister," I say under my breath. I stand up and wobble a bit on my legs, stretching again. I wander over to the door, but pause before the full- length mirror before heading out into the deadly quiet of the house. I assess myself in the mirror.
"Hey, sexy," I say to myself, winking. I flex one arm. I'm pretty toned for a girl. Of course there isn't much that's all that girly about me. I'm fairly flat and my hips are boxy. Both results of playing too many sports. I note the way my hips sway forward like a boy's. I stand like my father. Hips out, hands in pockets. I guess Dad kinda does the same thing, but he's got that whole weight shift thing going on. I note the way my back sways inward as my pelvis sticks out. I run my hand over my flat tummy. A little too flat. I don't even have one of those cute girly pot bellies. In fact… my stomach's pretty hard. I should stop working out and eat more ice cream. Even Aniki says that I'm too butch for my own good. Well… he's gay so what does he know? It's almost like we switched places on the gender scale. Only… I still like boys. I like Aniki… *sigh* Sucks to be in love with your homosexual best friend. Then again… most of my friends are gay guys. Yep, I'm a fag hag. Miki's pretty much my only girl friend these days… funny how she's also the most beautiful girl in school. We're like the odd couple.
Gaki clambers down from my bed and sit next to me. He really is a fairly uncouth looking mutt. All shaggy and patchwork. I giggle as I remember how I got him. Uncle Omi… he was always so cool. I can't believe he actually lifted me into that dumpster. I rub Gaki's head and hunker down to scrub the ruff around his face. He pants happily and licks my face.
I stand up and look around my room. The walls are covered with posters of soccer players and the like. My laundry is mostly everywhere. I'm gonna have to clean in here soon. I push the door to the hallway open and step into the cooler air outside my room. I pause and listen. No sounds. No breathing, no hushed voices. They aren't back yet. Of course I already knew that. They'd have come in to say good night if they were back. I've discovered that I can't sleep when I know they are away. It's weird, but… I worry.
I've been a part of Kritiker now for almost three years, but I still worry about my parents and my uncles whenever they go out on missions. I can't help it. Now I know what they're really up against. Ignorance was bliss, but those days are long gone.
I wander down the stairs and the faint humming of the television assails my ears. Is Kenji still up? Hmm, poor kid. He always waits up for Youji. I think Youji told Kenji about Weiβ and Kritiker right around the same time I found out, because not long after he started coming to Kinder with me. Then when Aunt Rikuko married that European model guy… Kenji refused to move to Switzerland and has lived with us ever since. It was a rather bloody custody battle, but in the end we won. Go us.
I tiptoe quietly into the TV room, Gaki at my heels. Kenji is on the couch, but he isn't watching the television. He's asleep, his head resting on his arm on the back of the couch. He was watching the door. I smile and shake my head. He acts so tough. What a loser.
I sit down next to him on the couch and touch his arm gently. "Kenji-kun? Kenji-kuuun, wake up!" I say pinching him.
He jolts awake, wiping away a line of sleep drool away with the back of his hand. I snicker as he whips his head around and straightens his body. "Itai! Oh… Kaori. Are they back yet?"
"No, but you should go to bed anyway," I say waggling my finger at him. He shrugs and shakes his head.
"I'm not tired."
"Suuure, you're not."
"I'm not," he says languidly, sliding sideway and resting his head on my shoulder. "Hmm, you always smell nice, Kao-chan."
I snort. "That's because I bathe on a regular basis, unlike –some- people," I say sarcastically.
"Hey! I bathe! What are you trying to say? That I stink?" he says defensively, poking my ribs.
I giggle. "Just stating the facts as I observe them."
"You're mean," he grumbles and then shifts, lying down, putting his head in my lap. He yawns. "Tell me when they get home."
"What, now I have to stay awake for you?!" I cry.
"You weren't going to sleep anyway. Just wake me up," he says.
I cross my arms. "Whatever."
He smiles distantly. He really does look an awful lot like Uncle Youji… minus the long hair. Kenji keeps his pretty short. "Love you, cous."
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. You too, -cous-."
He smiles again and falls asleep like that. What a kid. I wonder if he'll ever grow up or if he'll be a Peter Pan just like Uncle Yotan.
I reach of the clicker, trying not to disturb my sleeping cousin. After a rather involved and somewhat painful campaign I manage to get it. Now I just sit back, watch TV and wait for them to come home. Wonder if there's anything good on ESPN at this time of night….
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After thoughts: Yeah, so there you have it. The really messed up way that Kaori finds out about her family's real job. It wasn't very good, but… it was good enough. And Omi's section… seemed kinda out of character for him. I dunno. I really should get crackin' and write some more stuff. Also be warned. I have taken to writing e-mails to the people who leave me reviews… hehehe. I love you all!!
Commetns: Much Rejoicing! After a very long period of awayness, I have finally managed to produce more Baby Talk. I know. I am a bad kitty. After I hampered all you people for ideas and then didn't write anything for like forever. Yeah that was bad of me. But I have a good excuse… kinda. I'm traveling. That's my excuse. Right now… I'm in California. Living in an out of control house with my best friend Evan's Nigerian family. It's majorly… crazy! So I am sorry for slacking for so long on all my fics. I will get some more done… eventually. Anyway for now I will dedicate this to Lilas because she said she was going through RanKen withdrawal earlier. So hope this helps. R&R!! I need the reviews… they make me happy. And do inspire me to a point. Hans… he… he is mean and won't leave me alone. *sniffs* Enjoy. I added a Kaori section. It's kinda short. Oh well. POV order goes Ran, Youji, Omi, Ken, Kaori. Yeah.
Warning: This is hella long!!
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One, two, three… across the floor, around the couch. Wobble. She snuffles in surprise and grips my fingers a little tighter. We are walking. Well… she is walking while holding onto my hands. Which perhaps isn't really walking, but it won't be long. I stoop over her, glancing up occasionally to make sure we don't run into any of the furniture.
We closed the shop today. "Official Business." Actually the weather was too nice to spend all day in the shop, so we closed it. Omi and Youji took off to 'enjoy the great outdoors.' This actually means that Youji dragged Omi to the park with him to pick up women. Apparently Omi helps because he's 'just so cute!' and it makes Youji seem less lecherous… or something. It's like having a puppy, I guess… only it's having a bishounen instead. Poor Omi.
"Well, look at you. What a big girl, what a big girl you are, Kaori-chan," I hear Ken say and look up to see him smiling at us from across the room. He's standing there in his jeans, an old faded t-shirt of mine, and stocking feet. I feel warm just looking at him. He always looks so good to me, no matter what he has on. Even if it's nothing. I grin wickedly, but he doesn't notice. He squats down and waves to Kaori.
"Hi, sweetheart, are you walking? Yeah. Can you walk to Daddy? How is her balance getting, koi?" he asks, brushing his hair out of his eyes.
I kneel down behind Kaori and put my hands around her little waist to steady her. "Good. She can stand on her own, but you already knew that," I say.
"Yeah, I did, but I haven't walked her around much lately, so I don't know how much better she's gotten," he replies, rocking back on his heels. He begins to wobble and then looses his balance. "Huh, whoa!" he cries as he falls back onto his rear end. He looks over at me and giggles, running a hand through his hair sheepishly. "Clumsy as ever. Some things never change." He gets back onto his feet and crouches.
I look at him. I wonder if he can see what's going through my mind. "You are so sexy," I murmur.
His eyebrows shoot up, he blushes. We've been married for almost three years and he still blushes when I say things like that. He's so sincere. "Um… koi? Heh, how does me falling on my ass make me sexy?"
"The fact that you don't know only makes you sexier." Kaori huffs loudly and stamps her little feet. She has no idea why I'm making her stay in one spot as I talk to Ken.
I steer her towards the couch and prop her there, letting her balance while holding onto the armrest. Then I back away from her and sit down, clasping my arms around my legs. I smile at her; she furrows her brows at me and looks cross. She doesn't like being stranded over by the couch. Ken chuckles. "What are you doing, koibito?"
"Maybe she'll walk to one of us," I say looking at him over my shoulder. He shakes his head.
"That's just mean."
I can't help but notice the way his jean pull against him as he squats on the carpet. He chews on his bottom lip and wobbles precariously on he balls of his feet. I can't take it. Just looking at him makes me crazy. I stretch out onto all fours and begin to move towards him. "Or better yet," I say softly, "maybe she'll walk to both of us."
He blinks and looks at me as I advance on him. He raises one eyebrow. "You are so weird."
"Hn." I crawl towards him slowly. His eyes become more and more disbelieving as I come to kneel between his legs. I put my hands on his hips and tug sharply, tipping him forward, off balance. He straddles my legs, sitting down hard against my thighs with a little 'uf.' He's blushing furiously as he meets my eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, but I don't let him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, grabbing a fistful of his hair and begin to nibble at his neck. Now all that escapes his lips is a startled but justified moan. I pull him against me tightly and he makes a little squeaking sound.
"Koi… not… ahh, the baby. We have to… watch… the baby!" he gasps, pushing against my shoulder half-heartedly.
"Watch her then," I breathe against his skin. He smells like apple blossoms and sweat. I love the way Ken smells. It's such a turn on. I nip his earlobe just to hear him suck his breath in sharply. I can feel the tenseness in his body. He wants to give in, but I can tell he doesn't exactly know what to do concerning Kao-chan. Neither do I for that matter. I don't know how I let myself get carried away like this… but it's Ken… how can I resist? And it isn't like she's old enough to get what's going on. I am a responsible adult… really.
Through the love haze I am caught up in with Ken, I vaguely feel is body language begin to change. He smacks my shoulders rather violently and starts to grumble something that I can't hear for the rushing in my ears. I pull him tighter and lick the base of his neck, nuzzling his shoulder.
"Ran! Stop as sec… argh… uhn!"
I feel his fists tighten in my hair and then sharp pain shoots through my scalp as he forcefully yanks my head back by the roots. I yelp in pain and shove him off of my lap. He slides back onto his ass and begins to struggle to get up again.
"What was that about?!" I growl, rubbing the back of my head, glaring at him.
"Would you control yourself for one minute and just look?!" he cries, sitting up all the way and grabbing my arm, trying to spin me around. I turn my head quickly and feel my breath suck in.
Kaori is standing about two feet from the couch, wobbling precariously on her chubby little legs. She glares back at both of us as if to say, 'finally you start paying attention to me again!' She raspberries at us, and sticks out her tongue.
I get onto my knees and Ken sidles up beside me. We're both smiling broadly. Ken pats the carpet. "Come on Kao-chan, come to the daddies."
I stretch out my arms to her and wiggle my fingers, beckoning. "Come on, sweetie. Come to us."
Ken and I hold our breathes as she cocks her head to one side and wobbles a bit before taking a tentative step forwards. She shakes a little and then brings her other foot forward. I can't believe she's doing it. I can't believe she's gotten so big. It seems like we just brought her home. She takes a few more wobbly steps towards us and then promptly teeters a little too much and falls onto her little diapered bottom.
She pouts and looks cross. That is until Ken jumps to his feet and rushes towards her with a loud whoop. He scoops her up and tosses her into the air. My stomach churns just like it does every time I watch Ken do things like that, but I bite my tongue. I trust him… but it still makes me queasy. She squeals in delight and a little fear as Ken catches her again and spins her around. He blows air on her tummy and then squeezes her tightly, all the while babbling praises in baby talk. Kaori giggles and puts her hands on his face.
"Ablathbla!" she cries and then puts her head on his shoulder, peering at me with wide eyes. I wiggle my fingers at her and then get to my feet coming to stand beside them.
"I can't believe she actually walked, koi! This is so exciting. When Youji and Omi get back we're all going out to dinner," he says breathlessly, patting Kao-chan on the back. She wuffles and sits back up, stretching her arms towards me.
"Eeaiaia!"
I smile gently and take her from Ken's arms. She sighs deeply and then yawns, drooling on my shoulder a bit as she snuggles against me. I pat her back. I jounce her a bit and walk towards the couch. "I wonder what inspired her to walk just then…," I say absently.
"Probably because we were paying attention to each other and not to her," Ken says. "Either that or she's a yaoi freak…."
I take the time to work up a really good glare of death before I look back at him over my shoulder. "That's disgusting," I say dryly. "She's not even a year old yet, and she's our –daughter-."
Ken shrugs. "Hey, two hot guys getting it on, is two hot guys getting it on…."
I renew the glare of death. "You need to stop before you really piss me off."
"Hey, I'm not the one who decided to start sucking my neck while on baby duty," he points out, putting his hands on his hips.
I smile deviously and roll my eyes. "Yeah well…."
"Yeah well," he echoes coming to stand by me. He puts his head on my shoulder so that he is eye to eye with Kaori. She blinks at him gravely. "So serious," he murmurs, "just like your father."
She snuffles and turns her head away from Ken. I chuckle.
"And just as temperamental," Ken adds. He puts his arm around my waist and nuzzles my shoulder. "Think she'd take a nap?"
"It's possible."
"Well why don't we find out?" he says sweetly.
"Then what are just the two of us going to do by ourselves?" I ask raising my eyebrows.
He looks up, smirking. "I'm sure we can think of something."
"Unfinished business?"
"Exactly."
* * * * * *
It's amazing how used to having a thirty pound weight on your chest one can become. I don't even bother trying to get her off any more. It doesn't work. A losing battle from the very start. At least she doesn't bounce any more. No she just sits there, happy as a clam, watching TV. I can't imagine my chest is a very comfortable place to sit, but she doesn't seem to care.
I take a deep breath and she rises with my inhalation. My ribs are beginning to ache, but like I said it isn't worth trying to get her off.
"What are you thinking about up there, tater-tot?" I ask absently.
She shrugs. "Nothing, Uncle Youji. Jus wondering when Auntie was coming back," she answers flatly.
"Well… Auntie Aya is living on her own now. She's working to become a doctor… or something," I answer.
"I know."
There is a sound of general discontent behind us. Shuffling socks on the carpet and I look over as two short clad legs pause by my head. I follow them up and see the rather melancholy face of Omi Tsukiyono staring down at me. He sits abruptly, Indian style and sighs heavily.
I roll my eyes. "Still pissing and moaning, Omittchi?"
"Yeah… I don't know what's wrong with me," he answers putting his face in his hands.
"There's only one thing that's going to make you feel better…," I answer in a sing song voice.
He shakes his head and moans loudly. "Don't start with me, Kudou," he groans.
"You know it's truuuue. There's only one reason she leeeeft. And it starts with an 'L' and ends with an 'E' and has something to do with the fact that you are a spineless twerp," I drawl, grabbing Kao-chan's shoulder and pulling her back. She props herself up on her elbows on my chest and glares over at Omi.
"Yeah, spineless twerp," she echoes. I kiss the back of her neck and grin at Omi.
"Don't you even start with me, Missy!" he barks, "It's your fault that Youji even knows. I wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for you. I can't believe you found out and then –told- him."
She rolls her eyes. "A' least I didn' tell Papa."
"She does have a point, bishounen," I reply, running a hand through her hair.
Omi grumbles and then groans again, putting his head back in his hands. "I almost wish you had…."
This melodrama is too much for me to take. The whole situation is ridiculous. Aya left because there was nothing to keep her here after a while except the potential of a relationship with Omi, which of course Omi wasn't pursuing because of his deep seeded fear of the pointy end of Aya- kun's katana. So when she got the job offer back in Tokyo she took it, and it worked out nicely seeing as I was moving back in due to Rikuko and my… er… irreconcilable differences. Well it seemed to work out nicely till Kao- chan told me about the little romance that had been brewing. Which explained Omi's melancholy.
The fact of the matter is, pretty much everybody wants Aya-chan to come back. She did the laundry and was always happy and helped take care of Kaori when we had missions or had to be at work, and most of all Aya-kun felt a lot better knowing that she was safely near him. But of course the only way she's coming back is if Omi asks her to with many professions of love and need and sleepless nights. And that means that he'll have to tell Aya-kun the whole story, and it also means that Aya-kun will have to accept it.
"Just go tell him!" I snap. "You can't just give up on your feelings for her because of an overprotective sibling. Aya-kun will get over it. It's not his place to say who either of you can be with."
Omi stretches his neck back and then looks over at me. "It isn't that simple, Youji."
"Uncle Omi… I want Auntie Aya to come home…," Kaori-chan says with a trembling lip and big eyes. She sniffs dramatically and then crawls off my chest and into Omi's lap. She slips her little arms around Omi's neck and sniffles into his shoulder. "Please make her come back, Uncle Omittchi… so we can be a … a family." She sqeezes her eyes shut and forces a few tears.
Omi bites his lip. I can see the battle warring inside of his head. He furrows his eyebrows and then makes a funny choking sound, wrapping his arms around Kaori's little body. "Oh, Kao-chan… I want us to be a family too…," he takes a deep breath and then gently takes her out of his lap and sets her on the floor. He gets up, his hands balled in determined fists. "I… I'm going to talk to Ran. Even if he is angry… I should tell him the truth. Then I'm calling Aya."
He stalks away stiffly and mounts the stairs.
Kaori and I watch him and then I turn to her. "Way to go, tater-tot," I say holing up my hand. We high-five. She grins at me wickedly, no trace of tears in her eyes.
"I knew it would work."
"The whole 'family' thing was a nice touch."
She nods. "Waterworks."
"Oh yeah, you are definitely a con artist in the making. Hmmm… what do you say we go out for some ice cream or something? I don't really want to be here when the nuclear holocaust starts," I say looking at her, propping myself up on my elbows.
She nods vigorously. "Papa's gonna be grouchy… and Daddy's gonna be grouchy cause Papa is. Let's go, Uncle Yotan."
I stand up and stretch and then stoop, sweeping Kaori up in my arms. She giggles and grabs onto my hair. She still likes to pull it. What a cutie. "Alrighty then. It's an afternoon with Uncle Youji."
"Whee!" she cries kicking her legs.
We head towards the door and I give her a big kiss in the middle of her forehead. "Hey, Uncle?"
"Yeees?"
"Since you and Aunt Rikuko aren't married anymore… can I marry you some day?!" she asks with wide eyes.
I raise my eyebrows. "Well, Kaori-chan, I think I'm a little old for you. And… you deserve someone waaay better than me. I just don't think it would work out."
She thinks about this for a minute and then shrugs. "I guess, but I wanna marry someone just like you then."
Oh no you don't. I won't let you marry someone just like me. I'll lace the loser up in razor wire first. "Well, you could marry Kenji," I reply.
She giggles fitfully. "He's a baby!"
"Yeah, but he won't always be a baby," I answer.
"I guess not, but still. I'd rather marry you."
"Not gonna happen."
"Ok. Can we go to the park too?"
"Whatever you want, tater-tot," I reply swinging her down and slipping my shoes on. *sigh* What a pity the only woman I get along with is three and half years old. And she didn't even cry when I broke up with her. If only real women were as easy to get along with. Oh well.
* * * * * *
She pulls herself farther up onto the couch as Chojiro-kun toddles by with sticky hands and wide eyes. He pauses and looks over at her, clapping appreciatively.
"Kao!" he cries.
She smiles blandly, her lip curling more than anything else. I chuckle to myself. More like Ran every day. I ruffle her hair as she pulls her legs tightly up against her chest.
"Kao! Kao!" he repeats coming closer and reaching for her.
"Go play, Choji-kun," she whines flicking her wrists at him. "Don't… touch me, you're sticky," she growls.
"Chojiro, come see Mommy!" Aya calls from the other room. "Bath time!"
My son takes a huge gulp of air and nearly falls over in his excitement. Everyone says that he's just like me and sometimes I wonder if that isn't an insult. I don't remember being that… genki. Of course I have to admit that there is a definite resemblance, even though he has his mother's coloring. Soushi is the light one, the reserved one.
Chojiro toddles off and I ruffle Kaori's hair again. "I remember when you were that age. You used to throw food at me when I fed you," I say softly, leaning over to kiss her head.
"Yeah well. Just because I used to be a baby doesn't mean I have to like them. Don't get me wrong, Uncle Omi, of course I love my cousins. I'd just prefer it if they didn't… come near me after eating… or at any other time," she says. "Besides I liked it when you and Auntie Aya lived with us, and you were just my Uncle Omi."
"I'm still your Uncle, Kao-chan."
"I know. But I like it when you were just mine," she answers nudging my ribs with her elbow.
"Yeah, I know. But things change."
"When are my daddies getting home?" she asks abruptly.
I run my hand through her hair. "Soon," I answer. It's odd watching her sometimes. Especially since Aya and I had children, because looking at her I know that she isn't really a cousin to them. She is their sister. She is Aya's daughter. The physical resemblance she has to Soushi is quite striking. They both have those narrow Fujimaya eyes, and some of the gestures, the way they look or tilt their heads. So similar. I wonder if Kaori will ever know the truth, or if it bothers Aya-chan at all. I know that it never used to, but now that she has children of her own… does she feel the maternal pull towards Kaori?
I shake my head. It isn't really worth worrying about.
The phone rings. I reach for the receiver, but Kaori beats me to it. "Moshi-moshi, Tsukiyono residence, Kaori speaking."
I roll my eyes and hold out my hand. She shakes her head and giggles. "It's Daddy!" she cries. "Hi, Daddy, are you home?… Oh, good… No, no I've been having a good time at Uncle Omi's, but I miss you so much…. I don't –want- anything! I'm being serious! I just wanna come home. Can I come home now? …. Uncle Omi doesn't want to talk to you, he's making evil eyes at the phone."
"Kaori! Give me the phone!" I say, trying to stifle a giggle.
She laughs out loud before I manage to wrestle the phone from her. I hold it up to my ear and settle back into the couch. I hear Ken chuckling on the other end. "Hey, Ken, it's me."
"Oh, really? I thought maybe it was someone else."
I pause. I'm easily confused. "Stop being weird. Are you and Ran back now? Everything worked out? No problems?"
"No, no problems. We got all the information we needed. Thanks for looking after Kao-chan while we did the research."
I shake my head. "No problem. Is Youji back as well?"
"Yeah. He's around here somewhere. I think he said something about having a date tonight," Ken says a little hesitantly.
"A date?!" I can't keep the disbelief out of my voice. He hasn't even looked at a woman since Asami's funeral. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. He said he met some woman somewhere and… well a date has ensued. I don't know. I think it's healthy for him to get out there again."
"Yeah, unless he's doing what he did after Asuka died. Well… just make sure he doesn't start being an idiot or do anything stupid," I say seriously.
"Yeah yeah. Ran is practically Youji's emotional police now, so I'm not worried. Anyway, do you mind walking Kao-chan home? If you are busy I can drive over…," Ken says slowly.
"No, no it's fine. Aya is giving the twins a bath so it's fine if I leave. Besides there are a couple things at the Koneko I should pick up… then maybe I can get some work done tonight too."
"That would be good. Well, see you soon. Thanks Omi-chan."
The line goes dead. Omi-chan? Married with children and I'm still 'Omi- chan.' I shake my head. Oh well. I look over at Kaori who has been trying to follow the one sided conversation.
"Ready to go home, Kaori-chan?" I ask smiling.
"I was born ready, Uncle Omi," she responds hopping off the couch and making a break for the door. I follow her and start to put on my shoes and coat. "I remember when Uncle Yotan and Aunt Asami lived here," she says quietly.
I look at her and watch as her eyes get a little dreamy.
"We used to take a lot of walks from this door."
"I can still feel their presence here," I say softly, patting her head. "Especially Asami."
She looks up at me and smiles. She looks like Ken when she smiles. We walk out the door in silence.
It's a calm evening. People come and go up and down the sidewalks, cars drive by more slowly than usual it seems. We don't talk much. Kaori likes to go inside her head and stay there. I can tell because her mouth works over words that she isn't saying out loud. I wonder what goes on inside that little head of hers.
About halfway to the shop I spy Youji walking towards us. I flag him down. "Hey, Kudou!"
"Oi, Omi, walking the tater-tot home?"
"Uncle Youji!" Kaori cries latching onto his legs.
"Hey, sweetness," he responds, patting her back. She lets go and starts to bob impatiently at his elbow.
"Ken said you were going out on a date, is that true?" I ask as nonchalantly as I can.
Youji smiles a little sadly. "Yep. I'm hitting the dating pool once again. I figure it's a crime to deprive the ladies as long as I'm available."
I snicker. "I have news for you, Yotan, you aren't 25 anymore."
He runs a sheepish hand through his hair. "Hell, bishounen I'm not even 35 anymore. God only knows how I got to be this old. I think some retirement might be in the works…."
I laugh. "Don't start thinking that way, Youji. We've got a few more good years in us yet, and you can believe that you-know-who will milk them for all they're worth."
Youji and I continue with our small talk. I don't get to see enough of him anymore. He and I haven't live together for what seems like years… seems like? Has been! I decide to make it a point to spend more time with the others.
By the time Youji and I part ways Kaori has wandered off. I look around for her a bit worriedly. The last thing I need is to lose Ran's daughter. That would not make things very happy for me.
"Kaori?! Kao-chan?!" I call.
I move down the sidewalk a ways. Scuffling sounds from an alleyway catch my attention. As I head in that direction two prepubescent boys come scurrying out of it, one with a bloody nose and the other with eyes the size of dinner plates and a big red handprint on his cheek. Bingo. I rush into the alley and stop short.
"Can you believe some people!" Kaori cries, stalking towards me. "I can't believe it. What a couple of juvenile delinquents. Picking on a defenseless animal like that! What a load of crap!" She walks into the middle of the sidewalk and shakes her fist down the street. "Think of that the next time you pick on a puppy!"
"Kao-chan, watch you mouth!" I snap. "What have we told you about getting into fights?!"
"It wasn't a fight, Uncle Omi," she says earnestly coming back into the alley way. She jogs past me to the dumpster at the far end. "I was just defending the less fortunate from the oppression of the wicked."
I raise an eyebrow. This girl is following in some footsteps. It's scary. "Oh, really? And how so? You know your fathers aren't going to be very happy with either of us if I tell them that I let you get in a fight on the way home."
She starts to hoist herself up into the dumpster. She's already dangling halfway up, her little arms working furiously to pull her body after them by the time I realize what it is she's trying to accomplish. "Then don't… argh.. uf… tell them, and…I.. ugh… I told you… unhh… it wasn't a… a fight," she pants as she begins to hook one leg over the lip of the metal trash receptacle. "Could you… unngh… give me a… a hand?"
"There is no way I am going to help you into a dumpster. What are you doing?!" I cry walking to her. I grab her around the waist and try to pull her off. She squeals and clamps down on the greasy container.
"Nooo! I hafta go in there!" she cries.
"There is no way in hell I am going to let you swim around in that garbage can!" I say giving her another tug.
"I have to, Uncle Omi. They threw it in there! I have to go and save it!"
"Save what?"
"The puppy!"
My heart squeezes. Puppy? Puppy in a dumpster? That's so sad! "Oh alright!" I growl, putting my hands on her behind and lifting her up over the top. She cries out in surprise and disappears over the edge. I can hear her rummaging around in the filth and I can just begin to imagine the chewing out I'm going to get when I waltz her into the Koneko covered in refuse. "How can you stand to be in there?" I ask at length. "You didn't even want Chojiro to touch you with his sticky fingers, but you'll swim around in garbage?"
"That's different. Babies are dirty…." Her voice echoes around in the metal container.
"And this rusted hunk of a dumpster isn't?" I ask as sarcastically as I can.
There is a pause in both the rummaging and the conversation. When it finally picks up again all I hear is a muttered, "It's different…."
I cross my arms and lean against the dumpster, looking at my nails. "Are you sure they threw it in there?"
"Yes!"
"Ok, ok. Don't get snippy."
There is a startled yelping sound from inside the behemoth trashcan. "Oh there you are! It's ok, little guy. I'm here to help you." More yelping and scuffling. "I got 'im. I'm coming out. Catch me!"
"Whatever," I answer. I see her feet kick up over the lip of the dumpster and then suddenly the rest of her is tumbling after. I very nearly don't catch her in time, but in the end I break her fall with my chest. As I lie flat on my back on the filthy alley floor she looks down at me and smiles sweetly.
"Thanks, Uncle Omi! You're the best partner in crime a girl could want!" she chirps.
"Thanks. Just what I always wanted," I grumble. "Now get off before I start to smell as bad as you do."
She giggles and stands up. I struggle to my feet and look down at her. She smiles and holds up a rather mangled, filth encrusted, fur ball. It squirms. "That's not a puppy," I say flatly, "it's a dust bunny covered in slime."
"Uncle!" she cries, "it's not his fault he all crusty! You would be too if you lived under a dumpster in an alley way and had nasty boys poking you with sticks and throwing mud and stuff at you."
I think about this. And almost start to laugh. I can just see me living under a dumpster…. Wait… that's all wrong.
"Alright, well we rescued it, so now put it back in it's home and lets get you back to the shop," I say turning to walk away.
"I can't just leave it! It won't survive out here alone! Those boys will come back or it will get eaten by a feral cat or something."
A feral cat? Where did that come from?
"Well then what exactly do you intend to do with it?" I ask, already fearing and knowing the answer.
"I'm going to take it home and clean it up," she says defiantly already marching past me and back onto the street.
I roll my eyes. Just great. I know that it isn't any use to argue with her. She's even more stubborn than Ken and that's saying something. But I do not relish the reception I am going to receive from Ran when I bring his little doll home not only smelling like a landfill but with a gremlin to boot. I follow her down the street and pick a loose piece of what appears to be rotten lettuce out of her hair. She's so wrapped up in the disgusting little ball in her arms that she doesn't notice the looks we are getting from the other passersby on the street or the wide berth people are starting to give her. Not that I blame them. I smile apologetically at the few more disapproving matrons, but what can I do? She's not my child.
As soon as we get to the Koneko she bursts through the door, sending the greeting bells to gangling furiously. *Ting tling tling* "Daddy! Daddy! Papa! Look, look what I found!" she cries eagerly.
I sigh and sidle inside, keeping as close to the door as possible. Ken and Ran both come forward to greet their ecstatic daughter. Ken is wiping his hands on a towel and Ran holds a pair of shears in one hand and a clipped rose stem in the other.
Her clothes are streaked with dirt, little bits of rotten this and that cling to her hair, and she emits a smell that is reminiscent of a sewer vent. Ran stops dead his mouth falling open, his eyes widening in horrified disbelief at the sight of his child. Ken does much the same but has the sense to manage, "What on earth…."
She smiles brightly and holds up the fur ball. It yips appreciatively. "I found him in a dumpster. I'm gonna name him Gaki! Can I keep him?!"
Ran's mouth works furiously to find the words he wants to exclaim, but he can't quite pull himself together sufficiently. Ken starts to laugh hysterically.
I wave, hiding a snicker behind one hand, pushing the door open with my shoulder. "See you later." I'll get those things I wanted to work on tomorrow.
* * * * * *
It's been a long day. Lying on my bed, the bed I share with Ran, I can feel all the muscles in my body trying to relax. But I'm all bound up in knots. I wish Ran were here to talk to about all this, but he was hauled off to the Kritiker building first thing when the mission was completed. There are a lot of questions to answer. I suppose I should be glade that Kaori has locked herself in her room and refuses to talk to me. Questions can wait this way.
What a fiasco. An absolute disasterpiece. I bury my head deeper into one of the pillows and try to make sense of the whole thing.
There was a mission. A mission that involved the kidnapping of middle school and high school girls. Pretty straightforward, average, bad guy stuff. We've dealt with this thing a million times. The girls usually ended up dead or sold to white slavers or forced into prostitution. Sometimes we got them back alive, sometimes we saved lives. Not always. 'We aren't here to save lives,' is what Ran always says. Sometimes that comforts me. Not all the time.
Kaori started coming home telling us about girls who had been missing from her school, her class even. Ran and I got worried. We made her stay home from school on the days we couldn't walk her there ourselves. Other people's children are one thing, but when it's your own child… there was no way in hell we were going to let her get caught up in any of the shit we have to deal with. Halfway through our preparations for the mission one of Kaori's friends, Miki Nomoto, went missing. This was too much for Kaori to take. Her sense of justice blown way out of proportion, she broke house arrest to look for her.
I suppose the rest is history. I don't know how Kaori knew where to look for Miki, but she did. She added herself to the list of missing persons. I thought the house was going to have a nuclear melt down when we figured out what had happened. I thought my heart would stop beating. I've never seen Ran look the way he looked when he told us that preparations were over. We were completing the mission –now-.
Of course everything worked out. It really wasn't that big of a deal in the end. Just some pedophilic men who liked to gain the trust of young women by hanging around their school yards and lure then to a dark and secluded place where they could keep them locked up, but of course we already knew that going in. What we didn't know was whether they kept them locked up in parts or in wholes, breathing or not so much.
I roll over and blink, trying to keep sleep away. I want to know what Persia wanted with Ran.
I conjure up the image of Kaori backing herself farther and farther into a corner as she slowly realizes what is going on, as her –fathers- slice through the bodies of pleading men, mercilessly ending their lives with obviously practiced efficiency. A spray of blood splattered across her cheek and as I reached for her with a gloved hand her eyes grew wide with terror. I'd called her name softly, but all she could do was shake her head and stare at me blankly.
It was Ran who finally tired to get her to her feet and take her out of there, but she screamed and ran to the side of her dazed friend. She latched onto Miki's arm and the two of them sat huddled, shivering and crying. She stared at us without recognition. Afraid of scaring her farther or making things worse Ran and I couldn't bring ourselves to make her move. It was Youji who finally told her to pull herself together and pulled her to her feet.
We herded the rest of the children out of the building and told them to call their parents. Mission over.
Kaori didn't say anything in the car on the way home except, "I thought we sold the Porsche."
Omi met us back at the Koneko, speeding up on his bike. He'd been the backup, waiting outside incase something unexpected happened.
"Kao-chan!" he'd cried running to her and embracing her. "I'm so glad that you're ok."
She let herself be hugged like a rag doll. "Not you too, Uncle… what are you wearing?" she'd murmured.
"Kaori let us try to explain," Ran began, touching her head with a gloved hand.
"Ahh! Don't touch me! You're all obviously crazy!" she screamed. "Leave me alone!" With that she'd ran up the stairs and disappeared into her room. The door slamming loudly behind her.
That's when Manx appeared and Ran had to leave. Since then I've been trying to collect myself here on the bed. I feel so… guilty. Like I've betrayed my own flesh and blood. But what else could we have done? There just never seemed to be a good time to explain things before. I can't even begin to explain how awful and awkward I feel right now.
Despite my reluctance I finally fade away into sleep. I'm exhausted. So tired….
The bed sags, a familiar presence stirs my dreams and I pull myself back into wakefulness. I take a deep breath and sit partway up, looking around. "Ran…?" I call softly. I turn to peer over my shoulder. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, head in hands.
"What did Persia want?" I ask bluntly.
He sighs deeply but doesn't answer. Instead he turns and crawls up onto the bed. He puts his arms around me and pulls me down with him, spooning with me, our bodies pressed together. He buries his face in the back of my neck and kisses me once before tightening his arms around me so that I can hardly breathe.
"What did Persia want?" I repeat the question.
"Hn…."
"Tell me."
"It won't make you happy," he says at length.
"I'm already not happy. Now tell me what he wanted." I run my hand over his arm.
"Kaori. He wants Kaori. For Kritiker. Some… new program involving the children of existing Kritiker members. 'Kinder' I think he said. It's for conditioning… or something. I wasn't really listening."
I laugh hollowly. "Persia wants our daughter… and you weren't really listening?!"
"… I didn't have to. We don't have a choice in the matter. And we have to explain things tonight," he says in a voice I don't really recognize.
I tense and try to turn to look at him. "What do you mean 'we don't have a choice?' Of course we have a choice! She's our daughter!" I cry.
There is a long pause, he doesn't move, I can't even tell if he's breathing. "No… not really. We didn't create her. She is of you and Aya, but… it was Kritiker that funded her existence… don't you remember? The way Persia put it… Kaori is the property of Kritiker. She always has been."
"What?! People are not property! If he's serious then he's no better than… than all the people we've killed for him!" I cry pulling away from Ran and standing up. I'm so furious I'm shaking.
Ran sits up and shakes his head. "No, it's not quite like that. Persia said that we have to –tell- Kaori about Kritiker and about this… Kinder program. She has the right to choose whether or not she joins, but you and I don't have any say in the matter."
"Still… we are her parents! We raised her! We… we… I don't want her involved in a life like ours," I say, rather defeated.
Ran gets off the bed slowly and takes me in his arms. I collapse against his shoulder and would dissolve into tears if I still had the energy. As it stands I just shake against him, unable to stop. I had so many hopes for her… I wanted her life to be peaceful and happy. But I know my daughter. She'll sign her soul over to Kritiker without a second thought. She's always had an over developed sense of justice…. I don't want to watch her soul harden to the beauty of life.
"We should go to her," he says softly against my hair. I can't answer him in words. I just nod against his shoulder.
He takes my hand and leads me out of our room. How are we going to make all of this make sense to her? I mean… she's always known that something was a little strange, but… she never really asked questions.
Ran knocks on the closed door. There is no response. "Kaori? Please open the door," he calls softly. Nothing.
I try, stepping past his shoulder and wrapping with one knuckle on the hard wooden door. "Kao-chan, please let us in. We need to talk to you."
There is a long pause and then, "Go away."
Ran presses forward. "Open the door."
"I don't want to. Can't you just let me sleep? I'll talk to you tomorrow," comes her reply, a short snap.
"No. This can't wait. Let us in. Now," Ran's voice means business. Kaori rarely ignores that tone.
"I don't want to!" she screams again.
"Have it your way," Ran growls. He takes a step back and then puts his shoulder to the door, shoving it open. It swings inward with a startled pop. It was nothing.
"What are you doing?! I told you I don't want to see you! Now you can just break into my room with no regard to my privacy?! Get out! I don't know you!" she cries from her bed. She hasn't changed from the clothes she's been wearing for over a day. Gaki jumps down from her bed, hair on end. He lowers his head and growls deeply.
Ran casts him a sharp glance, "Down!" The large dog flattens its ears and tilts its head to the side, showing throat. Ran never liked the dog… but then again Ran doesn't like animals much in general.
"Don't yell at him! He's just trying to protect me," she cries getting to her knees on the bed. "And he doesn't lie to me!"
"We never lied to you, Kao-chan!" I cry, pushing past Ran and sitting down on her bed. The bed that used to be mine. I reach for her, but she pulls away.
"Don't touch me! You're a murderer! I saw it with my own eyes, you … you killed those men!" she cries. "You can't kill people."
"We've been killing people since before you were born, Kaori," I hear Ran's deep voice say evenly. "It's what we do. Ken, Youji, Omi, and I are killers. Asassins. We kill for money."
Her eyes widen slightly and her body tenses. Then she begins to cry. Poor kid, she's only twelve. This is a lot to take in. Everything we've taught her is in direct opposition to what we actually do.
I take her in my arms and pull her to my chest, cradling her against me. She sobs against my shoulder and I stroke her hair gently quieting her. "I… I don't… understand," she hiccups against me.
"It isn't quite how your father said," I say softly, casting Ran a rather nasty glance. That was a bit uncalled for of him.
"How is it not the truth, Ken?" he asks coming to sit next to me on the bed. Kaori looks up at him from my shoulder and squeezes me a bit more tightly.
"We don't just kill anyone, Kaori. We… we work for an organization called Kritiker. We only kill criminals, bad people who escape the law. So we're kinda like a very extended police force."
"That's stretching it a bit, don't you think, Ken?" Ran growls.
"Well… maybe. We take missions and go after targets… people who do horrible, illegal things. We kill to protect the people of Japan," I say. That sounded super cheesy.
"I don't care! You should have told me before. I should know things like this, and you scared me so much! I… I've never seen anything like what you did to those men," she cries shaking her head and burying her face in my shoulder. "How am I supposed to feel about seeing my… my family do –that- to other human beings? You're supposed to make me feel safe and… protect me… take care of my life, and… and all that blood and the screaming! Because of you! How should I feel about that?!" Ran moves closer and puts his arms around both of us. Kaori's tears are redoubled. He whispers into her ear and runs his hand over her back. We all sit like this for a time, just trying to get back to feeling like a family.
"We haven't changed, Kaori-chan," Ran says, trying to comfort. "Ever since you were born, I've done my job only to protect you. That's what parents do. They protect their children from harm. We just do it a little more… kinetically."
"I'm sorry that we hurt you, sweetheart," I say, "but we had to save you, and killing those men was the only way to make sure you and Miki and the other kids would be safe. But like your father said: we are still the same people we've always been. Now you just know our dirty little secret."
We sit still for a few more minutes and slowly Kaori's tears begin to fade as what we've told her sinks in. She pulls away from me and sits back, rubbing at her eyes. She looks back and forth between us. "So… let me get this straight…you guys are like some sort of… vigilantes of justice? Why has my life suddenly turned into a bad episode of 'Charlie's Angels?' Don't tell me you have some sort of snappy name too."
Ran and I glance at each other. "Weiβ," we say in flat tandem.
She looks at us blankly and then raises her eyebrows. "You mean like… 'white' in German?"
We nod a bit lamely. She actually starts to giggle. "That's hilarious," she snickers. "Don't tell me, right, you've got an arch nemesis and they are called 'Schwartz!' That would be a gas!" she says, beginning to laugh out loud. "'Schwartz!' Oh, that would be classic!"
As her laughter slowly becomes louder Ran and I exchanger rather hesitant glances and don't say anything.
She looks up. "Come on, why aren't you guys laughing? You have to admit that would just be priceless, too much."
We exchange another glance and I shrug, opening my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Ran looks up at the ceiling. Kaori's mouth falls open. "Oh my god, don't tell me you really –do- have an arch nemesis called Schwartz!"
"Well… we did…," I begin.
"It's a long story," Ran says quickly.
Now Kaori's laughing hysterically. "That's so bad! I can't take it, I'm going to die!" She falls back onto the bed squealing maniacally. She bangs one fist on the wall.
Ran and I start to giggle too. It really was ridiculous when you thought about it.
Youji appears by the door in his pajamas and leans against the door frame. "What in the world is going on in here?" he drawls.
Kaori sits up, tears of laughter in her eyes. "Oh… Uncle Youji… Schwartz… whoo! It's too much!" She collapses again.
Youji raises one eyebrow and shakes his head. "I don't remember anything terribly funny about Schwartz…. Wait did she just say 'Schwartz?!' As in –the- Schwartz? As in the freaky foursome Schwartz?" he cries.
I nod, still giggling. "Well there wasn't much choice in telling her now, was there?"
"I guess not," Youji says turning away. "But do try to keep it down… I need my beauty rest."
Kaori squeals anew. "You guys are living in a cheesy manga! Weiβ, Schwartz, Kritiker… whoo hahaha! What, do you have catchy code names too? Muwahahaha!"
"Ok, ok that's enough!" I snap. She's starting to hit a little close to home. "This shouldn't be taken lightly."
"Your dad's right," Ran says pulling Kaori back up to sit with us. "Now are you sure you are going to be ok?"
She blinks away a few more laughter-induced tears and takes a deep breath. "I guess so. I mean… I'm gonna have to think about it for a while. But I think I can get used to it. I always used to figure you guys were in some sort of FBI or CIA type deal with the government, so this won't be that much harder to accept. But I might have nightmares about earlier…."
"You can sleep with us if you do," I say kissing her head.
"Uhh... thanks, Dad, but I think I'm old enough to sleep by myself," she says flatly, giving me a weird look.
I raise my hands. "Oh, of course you are. Sorry."
"There's one more thing," Ran says suddenly. Oh great. I'd forgotten about our earlier conversation. "Kritiker has a… program… for the children of members of its teams. It's called 'Kinder' I think. Persia, our boss, has asked that you join if you would like to." He stares off into the darkness of the room, not wanting to make eye contact with either of us. I hold my breath and my tongue. I don't want to say anything.
"Umm… do you think I should?" she asks at length.
"We can't give you advice. You have to make this decision for yourself," Ran says quietly.
"Well… I guess I would like to see exactly what it is that this Kritiker place does. Can I go and just see? I think I'd like to see. Then I can decide if I want to stay with it right?"
"Of course. I'll tell Persia," Ran says, the slightest hint of dismay in his voice. I don't think Kaori can detect it, but I've been listening to that voice every day and in my dreams for over fifteen years. I know all its little quirks.
I give Kaori a quick squeeze, knowing that my little baby won't be for much longer. Things are going to change. I don't want them to. I want to freeze time. But that's just wishful thinking. Unrealistic thinking.
"You'll be able to sleep alright?" I ask against her hair. She nods.
"I have Gaki to keep me safe. It's ok," she says assuredly.
I stand as Ran does and step into the curve of his arm. We look down at our daughter. She looks back at us. "Good night, Kao-chan," I say.
Ran kisses her forehead and then we head for the door. "Good night, Dads. But tomorrow we're going to have a serious talk about your assassin fashion sense. It was the costumes that scared me the most."
We glare back at her. "Smart ass," we growl in tandem.
* * * * * *
I wake for no particular reason. Not that I was really sleeping all that well anyway. I stretch and sit up, swinging my legs out from under the covers. My long legs. Too long. I'm too tall. Why do I have to be cursed like this?
Gaki grumbles and then yawns, his huge muzzle gaping open. "Phew, dog breath," I hiss. I pat him, trying to push him off the bed, but he's too big for me to sway in any realistic manner. "Gaki! Get off! I'm too hot with you on here."
He shakes his head and pants playfully attempting to roll over. He fails. There isn't enough room on the bed. "Don't get all flirty with me, mister," I say under my breath. I stand up and wobble a bit on my legs, stretching again. I wander over to the door, but pause before the full- length mirror before heading out into the deadly quiet of the house. I assess myself in the mirror.
"Hey, sexy," I say to myself, winking. I flex one arm. I'm pretty toned for a girl. Of course there isn't much that's all that girly about me. I'm fairly flat and my hips are boxy. Both results of playing too many sports. I note the way my hips sway forward like a boy's. I stand like my father. Hips out, hands in pockets. I guess Dad kinda does the same thing, but he's got that whole weight shift thing going on. I note the way my back sways inward as my pelvis sticks out. I run my hand over my flat tummy. A little too flat. I don't even have one of those cute girly pot bellies. In fact… my stomach's pretty hard. I should stop working out and eat more ice cream. Even Aniki says that I'm too butch for my own good. Well… he's gay so what does he know? It's almost like we switched places on the gender scale. Only… I still like boys. I like Aniki… *sigh* Sucks to be in love with your homosexual best friend. Then again… most of my friends are gay guys. Yep, I'm a fag hag. Miki's pretty much my only girl friend these days… funny how she's also the most beautiful girl in school. We're like the odd couple.
Gaki clambers down from my bed and sit next to me. He really is a fairly uncouth looking mutt. All shaggy and patchwork. I giggle as I remember how I got him. Uncle Omi… he was always so cool. I can't believe he actually lifted me into that dumpster. I rub Gaki's head and hunker down to scrub the ruff around his face. He pants happily and licks my face.
I stand up and look around my room. The walls are covered with posters of soccer players and the like. My laundry is mostly everywhere. I'm gonna have to clean in here soon. I push the door to the hallway open and step into the cooler air outside my room. I pause and listen. No sounds. No breathing, no hushed voices. They aren't back yet. Of course I already knew that. They'd have come in to say good night if they were back. I've discovered that I can't sleep when I know they are away. It's weird, but… I worry.
I've been a part of Kritiker now for almost three years, but I still worry about my parents and my uncles whenever they go out on missions. I can't help it. Now I know what they're really up against. Ignorance was bliss, but those days are long gone.
I wander down the stairs and the faint humming of the television assails my ears. Is Kenji still up? Hmm, poor kid. He always waits up for Youji. I think Youji told Kenji about Weiβ and Kritiker right around the same time I found out, because not long after he started coming to Kinder with me. Then when Aunt Rikuko married that European model guy… Kenji refused to move to Switzerland and has lived with us ever since. It was a rather bloody custody battle, but in the end we won. Go us.
I tiptoe quietly into the TV room, Gaki at my heels. Kenji is on the couch, but he isn't watching the television. He's asleep, his head resting on his arm on the back of the couch. He was watching the door. I smile and shake my head. He acts so tough. What a loser.
I sit down next to him on the couch and touch his arm gently. "Kenji-kun? Kenji-kuuun, wake up!" I say pinching him.
He jolts awake, wiping away a line of sleep drool away with the back of his hand. I snicker as he whips his head around and straightens his body. "Itai! Oh… Kaori. Are they back yet?"
"No, but you should go to bed anyway," I say waggling my finger at him. He shrugs and shakes his head.
"I'm not tired."
"Suuure, you're not."
"I'm not," he says languidly, sliding sideway and resting his head on my shoulder. "Hmm, you always smell nice, Kao-chan."
I snort. "That's because I bathe on a regular basis, unlike –some- people," I say sarcastically.
"Hey! I bathe! What are you trying to say? That I stink?" he says defensively, poking my ribs.
I giggle. "Just stating the facts as I observe them."
"You're mean," he grumbles and then shifts, lying down, putting his head in my lap. He yawns. "Tell me when they get home."
"What, now I have to stay awake for you?!" I cry.
"You weren't going to sleep anyway. Just wake me up," he says.
I cross my arms. "Whatever."
He smiles distantly. He really does look an awful lot like Uncle Youji… minus the long hair. Kenji keeps his pretty short. "Love you, cous."
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. You too, -cous-."
He smiles again and falls asleep like that. What a kid. I wonder if he'll ever grow up or if he'll be a Peter Pan just like Uncle Yotan.
I reach of the clicker, trying not to disturb my sleeping cousin. After a rather involved and somewhat painful campaign I manage to get it. Now I just sit back, watch TV and wait for them to come home. Wonder if there's anything good on ESPN at this time of night….
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After thoughts: Yeah, so there you have it. The really messed up way that Kaori finds out about her family's real job. It wasn't very good, but… it was good enough. And Omi's section… seemed kinda out of character for him. I dunno. I really should get crackin' and write some more stuff. Also be warned. I have taken to writing e-mails to the people who leave me reviews… hehehe. I love you all!!
