Part 4...


"There!.. You look as pretty as a picture" The nurse pulled Buffy's freshly washed hair back into a ponytail and snapped on a small coloured band to hold it in place. Even without a trace of makeup, she could tell the young woman was a real beauty. Buffy's large hazel eyes were framed with the longest lashes and her perfect silky skin, apart from the abrasions received in the accident, was the colour of golden honey. There was only one thing that worried the nurse, and that was the girl's weight, or lack of weight. Her petite patient was far too thin; she looked as if she hadn't eaten properly in weeks.

Leaning forward, the concerned nurse tied the small strings at the back of Buffy's ill fitting nightgown and tried not to notice the ribs poking through her skin.

"We really must get you something new to wear, this hospital gown doesn't look at all comfortable" She added adjusting the large starched pillows behind Buffy's head.

At her soft words, Buffy looked down at the simple cotton gown and smiled.

"That would be nice, this kinda itches in all the wrong places" She giggled and for the first time that morning, her fear of the unknown was pushed aside. In that instant, Buffy's whole face changed, and with the new sparkle of light dancing across her eyes, she looked like a completely different person.

"You need to smile more, it really suits you" The nurse smiled back, pleased with the transformation. At the compliment, her patient blushed, a small tinge of colour highlighting her pale cheeks.

**Pale thin cheeks**

As diplomatically as possible, the nurse broached the subject of food.

"Do you think you could manage something to eat? I could order you something light, maybe some eggs?" She offered hopefully

Buffy wrinkled her nose.

"Not a good idea..." she frowned sadly as a wave of nausea washed over her. In the confusion of the last few hours, all thoughts of food had been pushed out of her head. It was hard enough just keeping water inside her stomach.

The nurse still wasn't happy and tried a different approach.

"You need to get your strength back as soon as possible, Buffy. Doctor Walsh will never discharge you until you do."

**Discharge me, I hardly know what day it is**

As the well meaning words entered her head, reality snapped back in.

The turmoil returned like a mist swirling over the sea, its presence once again smothering the light from Buffy's eyes.

Watching the change cover her face, the nurse tactfully changed the subject.

"So, the blanket bath was a success?" She asked, turning to the bedside locker, she started picking up the damp towels and after folding them neatly, she placed them on her trolley.

Buffy nodded, it wasn't the shower she had dreamed of but it was a real relief to feel clean again

"Thank you, you've been very sweet, nurse...?"

Leaning forward, she squinted to read the small nametag on the front of the woman's uniform.

"Tara, you can call me Tara. Unless there's a doctor in the room" Tara winked back and picking up the bowl of dirty water; she turned and pushed her trolley towards the door. Just before leaving, she stopped and turned her head back.

"Buffy... Try to remember what the doctor told you, it's just superficial."

Buffy looked up from her bed and their eyes met for a moment and held. Finally pulling her gaze away, she nodded her head indicating that she understood perfectly.

"Sure, just superficial"

With one last smile, Tara left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

As her small world returned to its quiet, peaceful state, Buffy let her eyes drop down into her lap. Sitting cradled between her fingers was the small make up mirror she had earlier requested. Not that she was worried about applying her lip-gloss, at that moment; a makeover was the last thing on her mind.

For a few minutes she just sat quietly turning the mirror over in her hands but never once looking into its face.. Just knowing it was there caused a dozen different emotions to run screaming through her body. Fear, anticipation, curiosity, uncertainty...

Running her tongue nervously over her dry lips, she studied the back of the small looking glass as if it held the secrets to the universe, and in a strange way, it did. At least the universe she had once lived in..

Both Tara and Doctor Walsh had offered to be with her when she took that first look, insisting that this was something she shouldn't have to face alone. But Buffy had argued, and won. This was definitely something she needed to do on her own.

Taking a deep breath she raised the mirror to her face and slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh God! Thank you." A small prayer of relief slipped softly over her tongue.

The reflection staring back at her was one she instantly recognised. The many cuts and bruises covering her skin didn't surprise her, they were pretty much what she had come to expect. The large black eye was a bit of a shocker, but all in all, her face wasn't too horrifying. Raising her hand, her fingers traced lightly over the line of butterfly stitches on her cheek, before moving across her nose and stopping at her swollen left eye.

**You seem to have escaped lightly** Adam Walsh's words filtered into her head and lingered. It was true, an inch either way and she could have been blinded, or maybe even worse. But she wasn't. Somehow a miracle had given her the chance to see another day.

Amnesia wasn't such a high price to pay after all.

Buffy sighed deeply and a single tear slipped over her dark lashes and trickled silently down her cheek. But it wasn't the sight of her injuries that caused her to cry with relief, under all that trauma, she finally saw something she remembered.

"I know you, you're Buffy.....Buffy Anne Summers" She smiled softly and watched her eyes reflect back the pleasure she felt at seeing a familiar face, even if it was only her own.

**Buffy Anne Summers** For reasons she didn't understand, this was the name that best fitted the reflection. Buffy shivered, she recognised the name and the face, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find a single memory of being the person.

**Your name's Elizabeth Angelus**

At the new thought, Buffy shook her head, she didn't know that person either, but out of the two, she knew which one she preferred.

A small rap at the door caught her attention and before she could call out, it opened.

"Can I come in?" Angel asked but didn't wait to be invited. In a few long strides he was standing at her bedside, the same stoic expression masking his handsome face.

"How are you feeling?... " He asked as calmly as he could manage.

Just seeing his wife looking so vulnerable had awoken feelings Angel didn't want to acknowledge. He had stood outside her room for thirty minutes, waiting for the nurse to leave and in all that time, pictures of their past life together taunted his head. As he walked into her room, it took every ounce of determination he possessed not to tell her just how much he really cared.

On seeing her new visitor Buffy attempted to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

It felt strange looking at a man who she obviously shared so much of her life with, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't find a trace of that life in her memory.

Liam Angelus had just fallen into a big dark hole of nothingness inside her head.

Feeling slightly sick, Buffy reached over for a glass of water and to fight the effect of the nausea, she sipped the cool liquid slowly. In the quiet room, her empty stomach growled out loudly as the water reminded her again that she hadn't eaten in days.

Lost in thought, her fingers must have trembled because suddenly Angel was reaching over and removing the glass of water from her hands.

"Here, let me take that for you before you soak the whole bed" His deep rich voice sent prickles over her skin.

**Maybe this man hadn't fallen completely into that black hole after all**

Buffy looked up as his face closed in and she felt a slight tug in her chest. There was obviously something between them; just his nearness set alarm bells ringing in her blood. It was just so confusing. He said he was her husband and sometimes he looked as if he really worried about her, but there was definitely something missing between them. There was just something in his eyes, or maybe there was something missing from his eyes.

*Were they close. Had they ever been close?* Far too many questions and no where near enough answers made Buffy's mind even more jumbled.

Pulling up a small chair Angel sat down. He forced his eyes not to stare at the small row of butterfly stitches that snaked across her cheek and involuntarily found himself hoping they wouldn't leave a scar. The thought of Buffy's lovely face being disfigured had haunted his dreams every night since the accident. No matter how much she had hurt him, he couldn't help feeling that she didn't deserve that.

"I've spoken to your doctor" His voice was soft when he spoke and although it gave nothing away, it surprised her.

"Me too "Buffy smiled back again, trying to lighten the mood between them. If they really were husband and wife they should at least be able to talk to one another.

But her pleasant smile was ignored and his face remained stoic.

"They want to keep you in for a few more days, just for observation. Are you all right with that?"
Buffy raised her eyebrows.

"Why wouldn't I be alright with it?" She asked confused at such a strange question.

"I just thought with your fear of hospitals and such..."

Her vacant expression portrayed that she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Hospital fear? Sorry, just add it to the long list of things I seem to have forgotten!" Buffy apologised for not understanding and waited for a deeper explanation.

Angel shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he remembered the first time she had confided her phobia. Not long after they married, Buffy had woken one morning in incredible pain, she was immediately rushed to the emergency room with a suspected Appendicitis. It turned out to be a false alarm, only a touch of food poisoning, but Buffy had been almost hysterical at the thought of staying in overnight. She explained about a cousin who had once died in hospital when she was a child and the irrational fear had followed her into adulthood. Angel had stayed by her bedside the whole night, never moving in case she woke up and thought she was alone..

**You should know better, Buffy. I'll never leave you**

It was only that promise that had kept her in the hospital that night.

Angel almost smirked at the memory, but deep in his chest, his heart ached at the irony.

"You once told me you hated hospitals, they ..."

Buffy watched carefully as he explained her childhood fear in more detail. As the words passed between them her eyes carefully studied his body language. He seemed tense, almost as if he were holding back a torrent of emotion she had yet to see. It baffled her but then again so much about this man confused her.

He looked different today. When she had first woken the man greeting her had looked a wreck, all being a drop dead gorgeous wreck. Now was a different story. Liam had shaved, gelled his hair in to tiny spikes and swapped the crumpled black outfit for blue faded jeans and a dark navy sweater. Mr. tall dark and gorgeous suddenly appeared Mr. tall dark and breathtaking.

"How's your head?"

Realising that he had stopped talking and was waiting for an answer, Buffy raised her hand and ran her fingers lightly over the small bump.

"I think my head's still there" she smiled at his concern and this time her eyes sparkled.

Angel felt himself drawn into the deep hazel pools and felt a pang of regret crush his chest. He'd always loved her eyes; they were the windows to her soul..

"I see you haven't lost your sense of humour" he grinned, determined not to let her see the effect she was having on him.

"No, just the memory" Buffy playfully grinned back. For the first time she found herself relaxing and enjoying his company.

Without either noticing, the tone of their voices changed and as they continued the conversation, they sounded more like lovers than strangers

" You were so lucky, Buffy. You could have died" His warm brown eyes looked distant for a moment.

"Liam? You weren't with me on the bus, right?" This was a question that had played on her mind more than once. Even though she'd already been told there were only three survivors, Buffy couldn't help wondering where her husband had been that day.

Angel shook his head and his eyes filled with regret. She hadn't called him Liam since the first few weeks of their relationship. Buffy had shortened his surname Angelus to Angel and had used the endearment as a pet name just between the two of them. Cordelia nearly had a fit the first time she heard it. His sister had cried with laughter but it hadn't worried him at all. He loved the way the new name caressed his wife's tongue. As the memories continued, the pain in his heart grew, It seemed so long ago now, back in the days when his sister and wife had been the closest of friends... And then out of nowhere Buffy had ruined everything.

Angel slammed the door shut on the past and brought his mind back to Buffy's question.

You weren't on the bus with me, right?

"No. The police think you were travelling alone" he replied honestly.

Buffy crinkled her forehead as she struggled to delve into her memory but no matter how many times she tried, there were still no answers to be found.

"Where was I going?" The not knowing was driving her crazy.

"From what I understand the bus was leaving New York."

" We live in New York?" she asked hopefully.

Angel shook his head

"We live in a small town called Sunnydale."

At the name of their hometown Buffy looked at a loss

"You don't remember Sunnydale?"

"No"

The name meant nothing.

"Do you remember any of the accident?" He asked curiously

Buffy bit her lip and stared at him blankly for a few seconds before replying

"No. Just waking up" Into this nightmare she added silently. A nightmare that seemed to grow more confusing by the second.

"So what do you remember?" Angel persisted with his questioning.

"Well...Umm...The president of the United States, I got that one right" Buffy joked. She knew she was clutching at straws, there were other insignificant things she remembered, but that wasn't what Liam wanted to know.

His next question proved her right.

"What about me Buffy, you said you recognised me. How much do you remember about us?" the faintest hint of a humourless smile crossed his lips as he waited for the answer. Angel had waited a long time for this moment, he wasn't going to like what he heard, but he needed to know all the same.

" I remembered your name.." Her eyes looked away.

"And?" Angel fought to get the word out, he swore she almost looked embarrassed.

Buffy bit her lip again, unsure of herself. After a few frustrating seconds she shook her head.

"That's all.. I'm sorry, I know you said that I'm your wife but... but I don't remember you at all"

Angel sighed with disappointment, it was worse than he first thought. Until Buffy remembered her past, neither of them would ever find the peace they were both searching for.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"Tell me about my family" Buffy asked startling him slightly. Angel wasn't sure if it was a good idea but they had to begin somewhere.

"There's not really much to tell. Your mother, Joyce, she died before we met. She was killed one night coming home from the gallery she owned. That just left you and your sister, Dawn. Dawnie's away in college at the moment. Your father's alive but you haven't had contact in a while.. Buffy?.. Buffy are you all right?" Angel stopped talking on seeing a stream of tears run unchecked down her cheeks. Her small shoulders shook and his heart melted at the sight. He'd always hated seeing his wife cry.

Drawing her legs up to her chest, Buffy wrapped her arms around them. She suddenly looked like a small child again, her features covered in grief.

"I remembered something earlier today, just a face really. It was my mom's. I... I didn't remember her being dead ... I'm sorry, I know this is stupid but it feels like I've just lost her all over again" Her small voice broke. The pain and exhaustion of the last few days finally taking their toll.

Picking up her hand for the first time, Angel absentmindedly caressed her fingers. He suddenly had a crazy urge to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to work out fine, that he would take care of her.. She was his life and the explanations he looked for didn't matter any more.. But they did matter and the romantic thoughts shook him right down to his toes....Denial returned quickly. He didn't want to take care of her, he wanted to cut her heart out and use it for target practice, just as she had done with his, three months earlier.

"So, apart form my sister, I've got no one" Buffy sniffed, feeling even more sorry for herself.

At her careless words a cold shiver run down Angel's spine. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he re-opened them, his mask returned and covered his face, draining all the emotion he felt from his features.

There was a time, not long ago, when all Buffy had ever wanted was him, he had been enough. Dammit, he had been everything to her, just as she had always been enough for him.. As his fury rose, Angel slammed the door shut on those sickening memories; he simply couldn't bear to remember the lies that had broken his heart. Realising he was holding her fingers, Angel dropped them, almost as if they burned his skin.

"You're not completely alone, Buffy. You have a few close friends." he sneered at the thought.

**They had all taken her side. Buffy could never do anything wrong in their eyes. All except one**

Looking up, she didn't seem to notice the coolness return to his eyes.

Buffy wasn't sure how she felt at that moment. Finding out she was almost totally alone in the world scared her more than she wanted to admit. This man, this stranger who held her hand for a few moments might act indifferent but she had felt warmth in his touch, a glimmer in his eyes that didn't lie. She knew for some reason he cared about her more than he wanted her to know. Something else scared her, when Liam was holding her hand she had the strangest feeling she never wanted him to let it go..

Suddenly she was beginning to believe that there was maybe something between them after all.

Taking a calming breath, Buffy looked back into Angel's dark eyes

"And there's you" She whispered as she wiped away her tears.

Angel didn't answer her, he couldn't. Everything was becoming too confusing. Months of bitterness had kept his anger strong but every time he looked into her eyes, he was reminded of all the reasons he had loved this woman in the first place. It terrified him .. No matter how much he wanted to hate her, his lonely heart continued to rebel.

Angry at his weakness, Angel pulled all his bitterness to the front of his mind.

"Do you want me to take you home, Buffy?"

"Home?"

To Buffy, the word sounded almost unreal.

Flashes deep inside her mind told her that home was were the heart was, home was warm and safe and smelled of chocolate cookies and family.. Not strangers with cold hands and even colder hearts.

But where else is there to go??? Her head whispered back sadly

"Well...?" Angel asked impatiently, at her hesitation, he couldn't stop the twinge of bitterness that entered his voice

Buffy sighed deeply; there really was nowhere else.

"Yes, take me home..."