L.J. Smith created the organizations and the characters with the exception of Kyros, Maria, and Valdis.
Author's note: I'm okay with beginnings, sickeningly creative with middles, but when the time comes to an end, my mind goes blank. So here I just tried to scrimp and type for whatever I could muster because I absolutely detested it when I read stories with no hope of an end. Sorry if you hate it, but rotten or not a story deserves an ending.
Frozen Fire 7
September 8, 2000
Las Vegas, Nevada
An alternative song came on in a deafening level, making it more difficult to reject his new potential one night stand. "One second, baby, I'll be back in one second," Kyros promised, insincerely, and untangled himself from the drunk blonde. To relent to her seductive slurs might lead to some disease, after all. It wouldn't be too hard to get lost in the hordes of dancers in the middle of the hall. After he attempted to break through without much success, for he was a novice at moshing, he decided a cigarette was just what his tired lungs needed. Now all he needed to do was find a safe place where no querulous preacher could give caveats of lung cancer. He saw the door and, like with many situations, made a simple math problem in his head. Door + room- people = smoking area. Then he saw an old friend in a new dilemma.
Maria appeared panic stricken and scrambled to retrieve the scattered pills. To him, there was an unusual avarice in her eyes for the small pills, now dusty and half melted from the rain that dripped off of her. He expedited the clumsy search with one swipe of the hand, gathering both the pills and the container.
"Dammit Valdis, give it back," she inveighed, and held out an unsteady hand. He threw her a suspicious look and raised his hand so it was out of reach. Maria held all inclement comments in her mouth to retrieve her pills. That is, until he spoke.
"What's this, Maria?" Valdis held an expression of utter disbelief. "Is this what you're refusing me for, that doltish dog and drugs? I know I called you stupid before, all in anger and without sincerity, but now I mean it. If you are purposely harming yourself with these pills…"
"Listen to yourself!" she exploded. "Why is it that every time we meet, you insist of thinking the worst of me? Buy me a brothel why don't you?"
"I am concerned with your well being! I am just saying to stop seeing that hound, and stop taking drugs! What on earth does that tell you? That I care for you, is that so complicated?" He gave himself approval for maintaining a low voice.
"Wrong. It tells me that men are five percent egotism and ninety five percent dumb ass. I have," she paused abruptly, and held her breath. Seconds ticked by. Valdis watched her with worried confusion as she slowly treaded to lean on a column. Her hand clutched to the side of her abdomen.
"Please," she muttered reluctantly, "give me my pills." Kyros' eyes widened at her tone of voice. It was cold, commanding, yet at the same time desperate.
Again, suspicion crossed his dark green eyes. But he yielded, at the sight of her sliding to a sitting position in her weakened condition, and tossed two pills at her. She swallowed them before he could blink. He brought the container to the light and read the drug prescription. Kyros strained silently to read it with him. Before he could get a good look, Valdis' face twisted in fury and he threw it at the wall. Maria shielded her face as the tiny shards flew back at them.
"Hey," Poppy whispered behind him. Kyros jumped and quickly covered her mouth. He made a motion for her to read his thoughts.
It's Maria's assassin. He just found out she's on drugs…and he keeps calling me a dog! Poppy giggled silently and peered from behind the door with him.
"Fuck it, Maria, just fuck it. To hell with you, to that idiot you're dating, to the whole damn Circle. I'm not going to stand for this; somebody's going to pay." It was as if the pills had given her the strength and courage of Hercules. Unafraid of the vampire's roars, Maria drew herself up to full height, or rather lack thereof, and roared back.
"Then to hell with you too! Nobody asked you to be here, Valdis, so nobody's holding you back. If you're so sick of this goddamn place, of this goddamn link, then just crawl into a hellhole and waste away. It would do everybody a favor!"
The raised voices drew another passerby.
"Hey, who's…" Quinn was shushed by the two redheads. In a secretive manner, they pointed two the yelling combatants in the hall. Quinn sprinted away and two minutes later dragged Rashel, Ash, and Mary Lynnette to the door way.
Valdis' massive hands were near Maria's head, either to caress her face or crush her skull. They trembled and with a drawn out growl he turned away.
"Do you have any idea what I'm going through? I am your soul mate, you know this, and I know this. I've acknowledged this and I want happiness for the both of us but you…"he stared at her in a sad wonder, "you…don't want to be happy."
"Soul mates!" James exclaimed behind the six eavesdroppers. None of them bothered to quiet him, since Maria and the new character seemed too involved in their problem to notice anything else. Plus, they were shocked by her relationship as well.
"Am I supposed to jump to your command any time you felt like it? All of a sudden you want a relationship, a baby machine to knit socks in your castle, and you are just so surprised by my refusal. Now, why is that?" Although none of the seven recognized the situation nor the man, they did recognize her acrimonious sarcasm. Thierry wandered by to see what drew such a strange, non dancing crowd.
"You would not be a baby machine, as you so crudely put it. Why would you think I would tell to start being yourself just to confine you in a manor?"
At Poppy's selective mental calls, all who knew Maria hurried to the door way. "Anybody sense a little déjà vu, here?" Morgead asked after surveying their crowded positions in the door way and the arguing couple in front of them. He was promptly shut up.
"I came to you before, Valdis, in an attempt to try…patch things up."
"You kicked me in the balls! I fail to see how that patches things up." The girls smiled, for all could see Maria executing the attack.
"We're getting off track," he realized in irritation and stepped on the remnants of her pills with an echoing crack. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. "Do you realize how much pain I feel when I see you with another man? When we both know that you'll only be happy with me?" There was clear anguish on his face, although he tried to cover it. Hannah's face amidst the crowd melted into compassion for the man. She hoped her arranged meeting of the two would spark some sort of relationship.
So understandably, she felt a sharp pang of irritation when her petite friend retorted, "My aren't we sure of ourselves?"
"Do you have any idea what I go through every second of every minute of every day? Thinking about you and him…it burns inside me, Maria, it hurts."
Maria grabbed his left hand and held it up for all to see. Several over dramatic gasps ran through the group at the door way. A gold ring glinted on his fourth finger. "Yes," she spat, "I'll force myself to understand the concept."
Valdis stared at the ring as if it appeared on his hand by mistake. His mouth moved, but no sufficient words formed. "I…I… Maria you don't understand, this ring it's…"
"Yes, I know it's a wedding ring, Valdis, I know about the stupid wedding and the stupid bimbo wife. I was there, remember? Don't chastise me about dating Kyros when you're married to a nymphomaniac." It took several minutes for her words to sink in, and, again, several dramatic gasps were given. Keller rolled her eyes.
"You know, you're right, Morgead, this does feel vaguely familiar," Keller agreed thoughtfully and Morgead thanked her with exaggerated gratitude.
"Pearl's dead," Valdis explained flatly and Maria interrupted with a gasp of her own.
"You killed her?"
"No," he yelled with venomous incredulity. "I wouldn't kill my own wife!"
"No, just beat her into a coma, right? And, don't you dare say 'no,' Valdis. If you hit me, I fully believe you'd beat your wife."
"He hit you?" Poppy repeated in disbelief. Instead of becoming angry at their presence, Maria simply nodded. Again, Valdis opened his mouth to protest.
"Does the phrase 'obedience in all women' bring any memories to mind, Valdis? That should be enough reason for us to be apart," she railed with a jabbing finger to his chest. "Every time your question our separation, you just remember your slap, your request for dog like obedience, and your claim of my unworthiness to the world." By this time, Maria was fighting tears from rolling down her cheeks and continually swallowed the lump in her throat. There was an eerie silence in the hall.
"I know I was wrong," Valdis said each word distinctly through clenched teeth. "I know they were stupid things to say, but I won't say I didn't mean it. Because at that time, at that place, and being the person who I was, I believed in every single word that I said that night, Maria."
"And now? Now, who are you and what do you believe in?"
"Stop being so cynical! You're so stubborn, you're refusing everything I tell you. You refuse to believe I changed, you're rejecting my feeble attempts to compensate for all the hell I've put you through, and you are trying your damnedest to keep your hopes down. And if you're so worried about my late wife, I'll tell you what happened. We were married and two months later she was killed by a lover's jealous lover. And you know what I did for those two months, Maria? I thought about you. Every single fucking day, some unknown part inside me tried to burn your memory in my mind so I wouldn't lose you altogether. And I never slept with her, Maria, although you seem so eager to jump into Kyros' bed."
"I never jumped into his bed!" Again, Valdis seemed to restrain himself from a fiery combustion.
"Then what the hell are you doing with birth control pills, Maria?!" His tone was dangerous, and warned Maria to proceed with caution. Maria ignored it.
"It's called cramps," she blurted bluntly and crossed her arms in an embarrassed position. The males of the audience became uncomfortable as all males worldwide did, with the exceptions of the medical field.
"I have cramps due to my menstrual cycle. Cramps so painful I actually have to bend over just to stop from fainting. And it just so happens that my doctor prescribed this drug to alleviate the pain." Valdis shifted his weight from one foot to the other, looking at the floor.
"How do I know you're telling the truth?" he asked, avoiding her gaze.
Now she was fed up. Well…as fed up as an already full person could get. "Valdis, do you want to make an appointment with my doctor? Oh, and I have to correct myself for an earlier comment. Men are one percent egotism and ninety nine percent dumb ass." He gazed at her dubiously and she snapped, "Goddammit, Valdis, I'm a virgin!"
At this exclamation, Kyros felt his face grow flaming hot. Suddenly faced with the discovery, Daybreakers surrounding him gave him questioning glances, most likely doubting his stories of their "torrid and heated love affair." He pretended to be very interested in the tile design he stood on. Until the conversation started up again.
"What do you want from me? Maria, just tell me what I have to do to make you start believing in me? Join the army, volunteer to help in third world countries, save babies from burning buildings, just tell me what I have to do so I can erase every scar I inflicted upon you."
Again, she remained to calm herself, slow her breathing, and check the brimming tears. She only managed to calm down and inhale and exhale at a normal pace. He was simply begging for a chance to redeem herself, but she had no answer.
"It's not about what you could do, Valdis, for I myself am no shining saint to judge you. It's about what you can't undo. Do you see this?" She pushed up her left sleeve, and revealed something none of the spectators could view from their distance, even the vampires.
Valdis saw three scars, each roughly cut as lopsided Z's, that overlapped each other.
"This," she said, pointing to the first z, "came from the flash backs of the people I killed. Every single night, I would see strangers' faces, staring in terror at me. Do you know how long it took me to stop those faces, after this cut? The therapy, and the self isolation? Five months, for five long terrible months I saw my victims' expressions in my sleep. This one," she laid a finger on the second scar, "I began to hear the voices of the Battle. In my head, so I couldn't escape them, so I could be tormented with no end in sight!" she explained with a distant, reminiscent smile. "And these weren't expected at any particular, oh no, Valdis, these came abruptly and out of the blue. The cries of help…do you hear them very often? It doesn't bother you every once in a while, a girl getting mugged or so, but when they're all jumbled together and screaming at me to help… It almost killed me. I thought I'd beat them to it, but the paramedics had another idea in mind." She laughed a bittersweet laugh. "Bastards," she said almost fondly.
Many in the crowd already guessed what she pointed to and explained about. It changed their thoughts of her will. This girl was supposed to be the stubborn, feisty survivor that Hannah and others reputed her to be. To envision her, crying in some dark corner with a blade poised to slowly take her own life, was almost impossible. Almost. Presently, Maria gave them a glimpse of a vulnerable side she never allowed them to understand.
"I didn't make you kill those people, Maria… You know as well as I do that a vampire can take blood without killing!" It was a tenuous defense, but it was his last life saver before suicidal grief.
"I didn't kill them for blood! Don't you see?" She stared into his eyes as if it should have been blatantly obvious. "I did it because I was angry, because of what you said. Lord knows I tried to stop being their equal. Because I'm your equal, right Valdis, or was I? I was still pathetic as a vampire, right?"
"I told you that I was stupid, I was blind that night, I've been blind for all of my life! You shouldn't have taken anything I said to heart…"
"It wasn't that! When you changed me, when you decided to play god with my life, you decided to make me different, 'better'. You, the one person in the whole universe who's supposed to accept me for who I am, despite my endless flaws. You weren't happy with who I was. You know what? Before you, I didn't care what anybody thought about me. I didn't give a damn that Morgead called me Mrs. Satan, I didn't care that Keller thought I was a self indulgent brat, and I didn't give a flying fuck if the whole Circle Daybreak wished me to hell."
She gave a little laugh. It was strange how a laugh could sound so sad. "But for some reason, for our link, I assumed that your opinion mattered." By her tone, the others knew she hadn't assumed. She believed in it. This was the girl who would sometimes willingly misbehave to instigate arguments with the others. And the one man who she wanted approval from had harshly criticized her.
He couldn't stand to look at her anymore. The pain wrought upon him by her relationship with the fox was nothing compared to what he felt now. He hated himself more than Maria hated him, he hated his skin, his hair, his face, and his mind. Valdis hated suddenly hated anything or any one that dared hurt his Maria.
"And did you know what I was thinking on December thirtieth? I thought the world isn't worth saving because people like you and me are in it. And what made it worse…" It was becoming hard to talk and swallow the lumps in her throat so she let them stay. Crystal tears threatened to escape her eyes, but her concern with her memories was so strong she no longer cared what she looked like.
"What made it worse was I thought I wasn't good enough. For what? For everything: for saving the world, being a wild power, being your soul mate, hell, being a human! And, for another pathetic note, I couldn't even cut it being a vampire. Because of what you told me on the docks and for what you did to me in the fall of 1999. And for the last lesson of the day class," she announced with false brightness. Her mouth so twisted, her eyes so glassy…Maria looked more like a bitter China doll than the beautiful human they all knew.
"This scar, the latest addition, was caused by your voice. After two visits in the emergency room and countless therapists, you would think little Maria would learn that suicide doesn't solve anything. But, my god, have you ever heard your soul mate degrade every single aspect of your life? Have any of you?" She swung to face the Daybreakers, her voice full of desperation and false carelessness.
"I mean it's bad enough to hear the first time, but to hear the insults continuously day and night, night and day…one week. That's all it took, Valdis," she addressed by stared past him, seeing her violent past somewhere in the darkness. "One week of hearing your voice was enough to make me kill myself for one last time. Permanently dead, just like I was supposed to be months before. Third time's the charm, that's what they say right? Bull shit. Stupid doctors with their stupid stitches and their stupid fake warnings. Aunty dearest almost had me com…put me in a…"
Maria gave a brittle laugh, as brittle as her voice, and tried again. "My aunt nearly made me go to…" Her voice failed her, just as her composure failed her. Like lost little girl seeking help, Maria stared at her surroundings.
There were people, but no faces. There were columns, but no ceiling or floors. Maria was scared. Everything appeared like a twisted cubist painting, except expressed no message nor mood except confusion.
Maria fainted into a heap of soaked skin and bones with curly black hair.
Valdis was the first to reach her.
~*~*~*~
September 10, 2000
Hushed whispers were very clear but their sources were indistinct. She couldn't catch a phrase, a word, or a single syllable. They were similar to the low hum of honey bees. After a few seconds, or hours, she could hear single words but then silence leaped in between. Fleetingly, she assumed God was pressing the mute button of the world on and off again for amusement.
"…leaps Ron…lying…"
No, that doesn't make sense. Stop playing around, Lord, people have to understand each other, she scolded.
"…scant…fur…crop…"
Am I on leaping Ron's farm of scant fur crops?
"…sin…moving…"
Is this Ron a sinful man?
Then, in a harsh mental crash, all the sentences were written before her in simple sense.
"Keeps on crying. Can't make her stop. Has been moving," she whispered faintly.
Her cheek was wet and sticky, but luckily somebody took whatever it was away. Maria opened her eyes to find Poppy staring down at her, with a wet handkerchief in her hand. She simply stared back. Green eyes looked at light brown eyes for quite some time until Poppy laughed.
"One of us has to say something. Too bad, though, because I lose the contest. Wait, I can guess your next question without reading your mind. Hmm…you want to know what happened. It was a nervous breakdown, honey, and let me tell ya, those things ain't so healthy. And land sake's alive, you're heart was beating fast, like a billion times a minute, and your pulse was racing. Thea said you must have had a weak heart or something in child hood. Was it rheumatic fever or something?
Her words brought memories of the palpitations she suffered during recess, or piano recitals. Back then, the chest pain, short breath, and hyperactive rhythm terrified her, but after treatment they were simply bad memories to shake away. Maria shook her head and sat up, ignoring the nausea it caused.
"No, whatever it was went away," she mumbled and then focused, "Listen, I need to go to school." Poppy stared at her with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.
"Weeelll…that was the last thing I expected to be popping out of your mouth. But, isn't schoolroom just a place where adults take pleasure watching their students stumble over themselves?" Maria stared at her blankly. "Duh! It's a quote from the Camilla Erikson comics!"
"Whatever," she dismissed the subject tersely. "I need to go to New York, fast. I'm going to college now, Poppy, I can't miss a day."
"Maria, chill! Besides, you could fail the entire school and I'm sure you're aunt could pay for your intuition at another, better school." She shook her head at Poppy's odd choice of comforting words.
"No," she interrupted sharply. "I won't let her. That's another thing. I'm starting a job on Wednesday and I need to get the uniform in the morning. Plus, I need to start looking for a roommate and hawk all of my electronics."
"Maria…today is Wednesday. You've been out and resting for two days now." Poppy reached over to shut Maria's dropped jaw.
"Are you telling me I missed two days of college? With the exceptions of unfair suspensions, I have never missed a school day in my entire life and you let me miss two days of college?!" Poppy sighed impatiently and rose from the bed.
"Listen, missy, I'm so sorry to have ruined your chances at the ultimate perfect attendance pin, but around here, health comes first."
"Since when did my health matter to you?" she retorted and then quickly put her hand to her lips. "Oh…that just slipped out, I didn't mean…"
"It's okay, you're starting to sound like your old self," Poppy replied airily, unaware that was exactly Maria had tried to avoid before. "Listen, you have got to eat. Thea says you should start off slow with soft and little food, because you haven't eaten in a day. But for a buck, I'll sneak in a snickers," she offered.
"I'll give you five bucks for a baked potato, a chicken sandwich, and a frosty from Wendy's. And I'll throw in one of my leather jackets that you liked so much for Entenmann's chocolate cake and a tub of coffee icecream." At that very moment, Maria was willing to give her life savings for anything containing saturated fat.
"Deal!" Before Maria could remind her about the sweet and sour sauce, Poppy was out in a blur. Maria envied her unnatural speed, knowing no matter how much she jogged each day, she would never achieve the cheetah like swiftness all vampires had. "But if it means being a vampire to be that fast, I'd rather be as slow as a snail," she announced to the furniture about her.
Thankfully, they hadn't placed her in her previous chambers, most likely assuming that she would be forced to confront unpleasant memories. And, like her first visit, she was wearing wrinkled clothes. Ten minutes later, Thierry entered without knocking and held Poppy by the elbow. Poppy was pouting, and stubbornly held on to three bags of food. The pair startlingly resembled the stereotypical juvenile delinquent and her parole officer.
"She tells me you're the master mind behind this scheme," Thierry said rebukingly. "Even after she told you about Thea's directions." Poppy whistled incessantly when Maria glared at her.
"I plead the fifth. Can I have my food now, I'll just get my money…hey!" Thierry confiscated the evidence and summoned Nilsson.
"Give this to anybody who hasn't had lunch," Thierry looked at the three bags, all stuffed with junk food. "And breakfast," he added.
When he shut the door, Thierry confronted two petite, beautiful, and absolutely outraged women. One of whom had terrible cramps and was not in the mood for silly displays of dominance. But instead of erupting immediately, Maria took a deep breath and counted to ten.
"Thierry, I am willing to answer any questions you might have, calmly and cooperating. Just as long as I get my food."
Thierry took the road of caution. "Um…Maria, doesn't a bowl of chicken soup sound nice…" Maria stamped her foot.
"What do you think about the sound of my foot kicking your ass if you don't get me my god damn meal!? And where the hell are my pills?!"
Thierry shook his head to conceal his amusement and relief of her recovery. He should have known better than to refuse a starving woman at that time of the month, who had just dealt with a scorned soul mate.
Thousands of years around them, and you still don't know how to handle us, Poppy told him, still whistling an innocent tune. Nilsson was summoned again, and the meals remained available in the kitchen. A short field trip ensued. Maria knew she should take the advice, but didn't care if the splurge resulted in a major stomach ache.
"Now, why did you pretend blankness when Kyros visited you?" Maria raised her hand in protest.
"No, I answered all questions truthfully. Delos was an island, was Galen was a Greek physician."
"But you pretended to know nothing about the Night World or Circle Daybreak. Why?"
Maria slapped his hand away from her fries before answering. "Thierry, no offense or nothing, but neither organizations were much fun. So, I decided to forget everything bad, including that chapter of my life, and move on with a new normal boyfriend. Devastatingly handsome boyfriend, I know, but I figured that there had to be some amazingly cute human boys out there, right?" Thierry shrugged.
"I don't really ferret out the cute human boys when I go outside," he explained easily.
"What's with the pills?" Poppy asked out of curiosity.
"Well, I'm sure you've heard already…hey where are my pills? Damn, they spilled and now I need to get more… Listen I really need to get back to New York, sorry for lying, can I go now?"
After a meticulous interview concerning her whereabouts, people she met, and what she knew of anything pre and post Final Battle, Thierry couldn't see a reason why not. The only time she hesitated in answering was when he questioned the absence of her power. She gave a vague, "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure." But Poppy did see a reason, and voiced her opinion loudly.
"You can't leave! Valdis is still somewhere around the city, you need closure. Although I'm not sure how much progress he'd make, but at least you need to tell him to leave you alone for good. People need closure!" For some reason or other, Poppy seemed really hung up on the "closure issue." Maria dismissed her reasons as sentimental drivel.
"I don't care about closure. That bastard basically called me a tramp and then tried to defend himself for it. Besides I've got it all planned out: I move back, pretend like nothing's happened, he'll give up his dream of soul mate housewife baby popper…or I'll make him give up," her tone suggested some evil plotting was due. "And then I'll eventually move to the suburbs where I take in stray cats." With her future infallibly planned and told, Maria made her way back to her room to schedule the next few hours.
"I'm sure he needs your help right now, and besides, I don't think he's all that evil."
"And what makes you think that?"
"Well…he didn't even retaliate when Rashel dragged him out of the mansion the other night." Maria paused just in front of her door.
"And why," she said, slowly facing her, "would she want to?"
Poppy began to rub her chin, appearing deep in thought. "It was either the fact that he slapped you, or the 'obedience in all women' comment. You know, I think that one got all the girls riled up." Maria rolled her eyes and escaped to her room to make preparations for departure. While she waited for her call to be answered, Maria wondered why Poppy was present, yet James was nowhere in sight. She made a mental note of asking in casualty in their next encounter.
Since Hannah's hope of their relationship failed, Thierry could not protest to Maria's abandonment of everyone and everything in her past. A pity too, many Daybreakers were just starting to understand her. But not enough to convince her to stay. By the next day, she had all ready planned her trip back, with her own money.
"Is that your earliest flight? Are you sure?" Maria listened impatiently to the rude airline worker. "Jesus please us, all you have to do is tell me the flight times without sarcasm, is that so hard? Did you just say yes? Anybody with an IQ higher than a rock can be serious for a minute…hello? Hello?" Maria stared aghast at the phone. She would have told somebody about her minor misfortunes, but there was nobody else in the hall way. Small wonder, considering they all had work after Labor Day. A few, too rich or too partied up to go back to the nine to five, stayed for an extended vacation at Circle Daybreak.
After gathering an armful of information papers, Maria wandered through the hall ways, absorbing every detail. She assumed it would be the last time she ever visited it, no matter who invited her. Invitations are highly unlikely, Einstein. Distracted by wandering eyes, Maria didn't see Poppy until they collided. Papers flew every where.
"Sorry," they said simultaneously. "Jinx!" Again, they spoke at the same time. Instead of rising, the two small girls laughed and gathered the mess of scattered papers. Some had strange scribble on it, awful pictures, and numbers and time of plane flights.
"Whoa, did your lose your sense of staying in the lines?" Poppy teased, and held up a picture of a pink and purple mess hiding Winnie the Pooh. Maria smiled and took the sheet away to look at it
"I uh…sometimes I baby sit, you know for extra money until the next paycheck came. Coloring was the only thing to calm the little monsters down." For some reason, Maria told her explanation proudly, as if she had just won a war. Poppy shrugged and continued to clean up the sea of papers.
"And then one thing led to another…I got a job at a neighborhood daycare. Not much, and they're starting to enforce the uniform rule, but the kids are great. That is when they're potty trained." Maria did not notice Poppy's nervousness at the word "kids."
"So…" Poppy began casually after some silence, " you work with kids in the inner city? You know…troubled?" Maria was shifting the papers into one neat stack.
"Not all the kids who live in the urban area are troubled. TV just shows them like that for drama. But yes, we do have some rebels. You know it's funny," Maria said, suddenly recalling something, "there's this one boy named Carl, quite possibly the meanest, rudest, and loudest little boy on the block. Just last Saturday, he called accidentally called me 'mom.' Oh dear lord, you should have heard all the kids making fun of him."
Poppy frowned. "I don't see how that's funny."
"Of course, it would be tragic if he was embarrassed and threw some kids to the wall, but he wasn't. He just shrugged and said that they could have all done the same." Maria got up, and brushed the floor dust from her pants. Poppy accepted her hand and rose herself.
"And as cheesy, cliché, and movie like as this sounds…those kids are kinda like my kids. I'm sure if I saw them for more than four hours a day, I'd think they were Hell's Angels, but right now they're all right."
"Maria," she said in a slightly chastising tone," you can't tell me they're all Asian, Italian, and white. How can they be you're kids, even if they were of you're ethnic race? I don't think my cousins are my children, just because they're related. And you've only known them for a few months or whatnot." Maria stopped in her tracks, so Poppy did also.
"Poppy…" she said in puzzlement and made an attempt to elucidate. "After a while of learning their personalities, likes and dislikes, and find out that you're one of their favorite people in the whole world, you just…how do I explain it? You just stop seeing their color, you know what I'm saying? When I walk in the room, I don't see 'J.C. the Puerto Rican,' I see J.C. the boy who wants to play in the NBA and who's in love with Brittney Spears." Poppy still appeared doubtful, but also thoughtful as Maria struggled to clarify her meaning. "It's not the skin pigmentation, or the flesh and blood that makes them 'my kids.' It's just….just…the relationship. They trust me more than they trust their parents, they talk to me more than they talk to their siblings. That's why he called me 'mom,' you see, because he needs that figure in his life."
"But what happens when you quit your job, or have to move or something? What happens to J.C. and that boy when you're gone to classes? Or when they're too old to go to daycare anymore?" Poppy shot accusingly. Maria calmly continued to amble lazily down the hallway, still absorbing the minute details. Just when Poppy thought she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to answer, she spoke.
"We talk to their parents, Poppy. Or their brother, their sister, their uncle, hell, the garbage man they see every Thursday. Just so someone could be the substitute. Because…I'm guess all my coworkers have had tough lives. And we all want to make sure those children don't have to worry about their next meal, and who to turn to in trouble. Because…dammit I used to be so articulate. Um…" Maria's eyes lit up as she found the right phrase. "Just because they're not related to me, doesn't mean they don't deserve my love, care, or attention."
And with a smile, Maria turned and disappeared in her room, politely closing the door. Unknowingly, she left Poppy to brew and stew in her own thoughts.
On her dresser, Maria found a list of names and numbers. At the top, it read "People willing to room with Maria." She shook her head, crumpled the list, and threw it in the trash bin. Poppy and her big mouth.
It wasn't completely ridiculous to room and live with a person who'd understand her past, and the strange visitors of the present, but then again it would be even stranger to talk to somebody about it. Maria didn't exactly know how to calmly discuss the problems of her life with anybody. She didn't usually need anybody's verbal counsel, a fact proven by the long line of rejected therapists. No, you idiot, she told herself caustically, you just like to scream your past to Valdis.
Dammit. She mentioned him again. Maria was certain as soon as she left Las Vegas, rearranged or burned anything he touched, the stupid man would be out of sight and out of mind forever. Perhaps optimism was confused with stupidity. And damn again, he touched my Simon and Garfunkel CD.
Then she was in a flurry of tasks. There was hardly enough time organize her flights, ensure her place at the daycare, ensure her place at the apartment complex, or to make last minute refusals to her aunt's succor. If she was going to be independent, she would do her best or die trying. It was hard enough finding a roommate for the little cramped box she called home. And most people who called before Labor Day sounded like psychos or Don Juan's. Plus the depressed, delusional, and snappy men who tried to take after Valentino's gift of hypnosis and Vincent Price's gift of creepiness. The last thing she needed were men who thought they were vampires, unaware they were simply pale, cheap imitations to the real things. On a second thought, she fished for the crumpled list in the trash bin and placed it safely in her purse.
Dusk had settled around the mansion, and a few weak light posts lit up near the entrance of the gate. Unlike the busy, bee like atmosphere before, few people entered the drive away, save those who came to pick up the hang overs and their forgotten belongings. Maria checked her watch, 7: 00. Approximately two hours till her taxi arrived, and three hours until she her ears popped from the take off. All was taken care of…now was the time to wander in the dark and unexplored hallways. Or the greenhouse, which provided some herbs for culinary or witch purposes. And, she recalled, no matter how many times Nilsson had uprooted them, Ash or Kyros would plant a something little extra, and illegal, as a constant prank.
A moving shadow just beyond the gate caught her eye just as she passed one of the French windows. Agitated for no other reason than instinct, Maria quickly moved to Nilsson's quarters, where the intercom and camera for the main gate. With Thierry's second man gone, she was free to investigate the situation herself.
After a series of beeps and static, Maria finally mastered the many buttons of the two way intercom and moved on to put her suspicions to rest. "Hello?" No answer. "Hello," she asked again, and the chirps of crickets answered her.
"Nice try buddy, but Nilsson gets rid of the crickets every year. They eat the fruit trees. Who are you?"
"If I tell you the answer, you won't talk to me." Maria did not answer, frozen by the voice that carried his paralyzing power through the intercom. "Hello?"
"What are you doing here?" she hissed.
"Talking to you," Valdis answered, not at all troubled by her menacing tone. "Wait, before you go, can I ask you one thing?"
"You just did. Bye now."
"Maria!" Valdis sounded just like Ricky Ricardo upbraiding Lucy's behavior, minus the Cuban accent. Very persuasive, she thought dryly.
"You have a minute," she said, surprising both of them. Maria wished reason had absolute control over the mouth, and not curiosity.
"Okay…to tell you the truth I hadn't expected to get this far in the conversation…"
"Forty seconds."
"I know you don't want anything to do with me and I know you say there's nothing that I could do for us to…but at least give me something. Just say one thing that I'll do, with or without your approval, so that I could tell anybody who asked that I tried with everything I got. Tell me anything, Maria, please."
With every pitiful word, something sunk lower in her stomach and her heart began to ache more and more. This is what she had reduced Valdis too, begging for repentance at the mansion's gate. She began to feel like…
"Pope Gregory VII at Conassa when he made Emperor Henry IV beg at the castle gates for forgiveness," Valdis finished for her. "But please don't make me wait for three days."
That was it, that was the thing that scared her the most about him. He understood her, he knew what she was thinking even without mind powers. Nobody else did. And the fact that he entered her mind without permission, again. His invasion didn't bother her this time, in fact, she barely felt any thing. Except a cool, fresh feeling one gets when he visits a snowy wood. He knew her past, present, and would most likely follow her in the future. Maria couldn't let that happen, it would simply be the horrible act of leading on some poor boy without any hope of fulfilling his wishes.
"One thing?" she asked uncertainly.
"Anything…" Valdis confirmed with such an intensity, it broke Maria's heart to say her next words.
"You can leave me alone." Unable to hear his voice to accompany his heartbroken face she had just envisioned, Maria left the intercom. She refused to hear his last words, with no doubt in mind that they would haunt her until the day she died if she stayed.
"But that." His voice resounded in an empty room.
~*~*~*~
September 20, 2000
New York City, New York
Frustrated, Maria erased the math problem for the fifth time. The first time she had written the problem wrong, the second time, she had mistaken a negative integer as a positive, and the third time she hadn't checked with her calculator if all her multiplication were right. Which you think you would have mastered by 10th grade, she thought.
Come to think of it, she could barely hear herself think. Her long sought roomy had just arrived, with unwanted company. Maria didn't bother to order them to hush. These rendez vous never lasted long, and the men were kicked out or passed out in less than an hour.
After giving up on math, Maria moved onto Greek mythology. While most of her classmates thought of it as little more than an ancient soap opera, the old polytheistic religion intrigued Maria for different reasons. She liked to observe the gods and goddesses as if they were lab specimens. It seemed silly to have these power wielding heroes and heroines, full of awesome power beyond any mortal, who act with jealousy, love, and stupidity as any other human being. Why fate, and not the Three Sisters of Fate, decided to grant the deities with common, and usually destructive emotions baffled her.
Maria remained lost in the world of loves, monsters, and revenge plots until she heard the abrupt slam of the door. She peeped her head out her bedroom door. The apartment was void of needle dicks, Maria's favorite term of her roommate's men.
"Hi Maria!" The blonde girl in the kitchen greeted her brightly.
And there's the pin cushion, she thought and returned the greeting. Hi ho bag. "Good morning. What are you doing?" Her hands were swiftly arranging the kitchen counters objects, and taking out boxes of food items.
"Making breakfast, duh!"
"Couldn't you just zap something up?"
"Goddess, just because I'm a teenage witch doesn't mean I have energetic magic on the spot like that."
"And ironically enough, you're name is Sabrina," Maria yawned and made her way for cereal and the milk.
"You know, I still don't get that joke!" Maria brushed past her to the bowl cabinet. Nothing. Determined to have her Reeses Puffs with her honey bun for breakfast, Maria grabbed a huge punch bowl and an icecream scoop and settled herself at the kitchen table. Sabrina tsk, tsk-ed loudly and shook her head.
Being a girl of curves and contours, who constantly remained on diet instead of accepting her natural body form, Sabrina's head was filled with calorie, cholesterol, and saturated fat numbers of virtually every form of junk food. And she always felt the need to share it, at great length.
"Did you know that eating one honey bun is equal to eating four peanut butter jar's worth of fat? And, it may not hurt you now, but as the years go on all that fat is going to build up, clogging your arteries and veins, until you have a heart attack, or a stroke. And Cheerio's has ten grams of calories, and three percent saturated fat less than Reeses."
Maria munched thoughtfully before asking, "What size of peanut butter jars, Sabrina the Teenage Witch?"
"Would you stop calling me that, I don't get it!" Having spent only a year out of the sixteenth century island, Sabrina had spent those twelve months learning how to drive, how to buy and what to eat, and mastering the language of slang. She was so busy putting her new knowledge to party, Sabrina hadn't spent so much time zoning in front of the television.
Maria dropped the teasing, knowing very well Sabrina had her limits when it came to irritation. Go too far and you might end up with inexplicable rashes, headaches, or hallucinations. After devouring her savory unhealthy meal, Maria tried her hand at math again before gathering her books.
"Where are you going?"
"The same place I go every single week day since we've met." Sabrina stared at her blankly. "Didn't I answer this yesterday?" Understanding dawned on her pretty face.
"College!" Maria nodded, and hurriedly fastened her watch and threw up her hair in a bun.
"Good job, you get your certificate when I come home." Sabrina didn't snap at her sarcastic remark. Sleep took away her sense of hearing.
Later that day…
While talking to a concerned parent, Maria felt a tug on her shirt.
"Miss Maria, I need you to proofread my story." She excused herself from the father and took the little girl to children's table.
"Well, Vanessa, let me see it. Hand me that red crayon."
Vanessa reached over to the coloring bin, but held the crayon close to her. "What's the magic word?"
Lordy, seven years old and she's still quoting the big purple dinosaur.
"Please," she replied sweetly and was handed Raspberry Red crayon. As she read the two paragraph story, Maria held back the advanced grammatical skills, such as tenses, subject verb agreement, or noun clauses, and stuck to Vanessa's weakest skill: spelling.
"This is a very interesting mystery, Vanessa. But, you misspelled this, this, this, this, and this. That's only five words, you're improving. Still, I don't approve the use of alcohol in this story, spelled or misspelled."
"Tell me what's wrong with my words," she demanded, and, as always, took her work very seriously.
"First of all 'myst' is spelled m-i-s-t. Myst is either a name, or the title of an extremely good book, not the light fog that you think of at the beginning."
"That's how Heather told me to spell it," she protested stubbornly.
"Well, has Heather graduated high school? Remember, older sisters aren't as smart as the younger ones. And just because I'm telling you how to spell it, doesn't mean I'm telling you to keep it in here or ever drink it. This word is spelled b-r-a-n-d-y."
"But Brandi spells her name that way."
"But names and nouns are two different ways, Vanessa. And this one is…to tell you the truth, Vanessa, I can't read you're hand writing."
"That says Core, like you know, apple core?"
"Okay, if this is going to be a name, you might want to change it so people don't get confused." Vanessa snatched the correcting crayon from her hand, without using the magic word, and changed the name in the margin. Soon, Core became "Cohr," one of the many detectives Vanessa created in her long line mystery stories.
She left her to change the mistakes and a few minutes later was occupied brushing the sand out of toddler Crystal's hair. Maria took her time combing out the grains out of the fine chocolate hair, for she knew as soon as she solved one problem, another would pop up in the form of an innocent looking child.
There was an immeasurable amount of exhaustion in her when Maria arrived into the tiny apartment after work. The second she passed the doorway, Maria heard Sabrina's CD player, blasting songs from the Coyote Ugly Soundtrack. She believed Sabrina secretly longed for such a bar to exist, just she could have a chance to dance on the bar in scant clothing, soaking wet.
Thank god I have an hour till she goes club hopping. A migraine loomed in the horizon, but Maria learned how to avoid or bear with those time stealers. Her personal recipe was BET's Planet Groove CD, and then staring at the ceiling for an hour or two. With drooping eyes, Maria dragged herself to her bedroom, ready for rest and relaxation.
"SABRINA!" In a heart beat, Maria burst through Sabrina's door. And immediately covered her eyes.
"What are you covering your eyes for? This is a top!"
For a second, Maria forgot her own terror to review Sabrina's outfit. "I could have sworn that was a bra, Sabrina."
"Well, it doesn't matter what you think because I'm pretty sure your new boyfriend liked it."
"Boyfriend?"
"Yeah…I mean he is your boyfriend right? The guy who dropped off the puppy?"
"That's a puppy!? I was about to tell you there was an abnormal rat sitting on my bed!" Maria disregarded Sabrina's explanation and ran to her bedroom. On her bed sat a plump and confused young dog, scratching at a red bow around his neck. Once she flipped on the lights, he was alert for a millisecond, and then returned his attention to the bow and then to lick his…private area. Maria held her hand to it as if she had a treat. He rushed towards her, and she grabbed him before he could leave her empty hand. No note, no card, nothing to tell her who it was. The only information she acquired was that the puppy was going to be a very big dog. And since his future size was the last question in her mind, Maria left to make conversation with her promiscuous friend.
"What did he look like?" Sabrina looked up and then swore, for she was busy applying fake eyelashes when Maria burst in again.
"Who?"
"The man who dropped off the puppy!" Maria literally bit her sharp tongue to restrain the verbal lashing. "Sabrina, we just went over this." Maria kept herself from screaming any more, partly because although Sabrina was built like the gorgeous Barbie, she didn't have the mind capability to do any of her jobs, including dog walking. It wasn't her fault. During the years that should have been spent on common sense and academics, her austere father had ensured that Sabrina had learned to embroidery and witchcraft. She was the epitome of the stereotypical "dumb blonde," but wouldn't be for long.
"Well," she said, using a voice reserved for bragging about her long list of bed escapades, "he was tall, with like a light brown, but it was also dark hair…"
"Dark red?"
"Yeah! And I couldn't really see the color of his eyes because they were looking at my chest…"
Bull shit. "Were they bluish green?" Sabrina nodded. "Did you see any rings on him, any necklaces?"
"Um…I think it was either a ring, bracelet or a watch. Either way, there was a flower on it. Your boyfriend might have been going both ways when he came here, but he's all for the women now that he's met me." Sabrina made it very clear what she was implying.
"Wow, I'd believe you…except I'm not high nor drunk," Sabrina tried to decide if it was a compliment or insult, but gave up and turned her attentions to the next question. "Do you know if he went through anything in my room?"
"Oh, I…" Sabrina stopped her application of make up and twirled the strands of her golden hair. "I…I don't remember."
Maria narrowed her eyes. It was normal for Sabrina to forget the day of the week, but not to forget any encounter with a handsome stranger.
"There's a no pet's policy in this complex," Maria complained. Sabrina resumed her eye make up task.
"Oh that's no problem either. Because, I was all like 'hey, we can't have pets' and he's all like 'don't worry about it, I'll take care of it.' Isn't that cool? And just an hour ago, everybody got a flier from the land lord saying pets are allowed! I think your new beau has the hots for me."
Maria snorted in disgust, ready to leave. "Sabrina, you think priests and rabbis, damn even homosexual men have the hots for you. Believe it or not, my new 'beau' doesn't have the hots for you." Having enough of the exasperating conversation, Maria made her way to her room.
"And just how would you know," she heard Sabrina mutter under her breath.
"Because he has taste!" she yelled before slamming her bedroom door, startling the puppy from its nap. She tried to ignore his inquisitive yet adorable stare as she surveyed her desk and drawers. Maria checked which files were last accessed on her laptop. Valdis had seen several of her essays, poems, and her past Christmas list. The puppy whimpered.
Maria faced him like a soldier heading into battle. Animal shelters, pet want ads, and pet shops filled her mind. "Now, what am I going to do with you?"
~*~*~*~
September 21, 2000
California
It was noon all ready. Thierry had told him that Poppy's flight had left at ten thirty. And it didn't take that long to leave Las Vegas.
"She didn't come home with me, I'm not going to go get her."
James had been telling himself that all day. He had been pacing for three hours since he woke up, imagining the fate of his Poppy and what world record of pacing he broke. And then he told himself:
"But what if she gets kidnapped or stranded at the airport? But if she does, it would be her own fault any way for not coming when I offered. But then again she could defend for herself, but not if they're from the Night World…"
"Who's from the Night World?" James turned to find Poppy standing in their doorway, with her purse in one hand and a valise in the other.
"Uh…nobody." He wasn't startled to find that she had crept up on him without any detection, he was startled because she was actually speaking to him, other than "excuse me," or "pass the salt." Not wanting to ruin whatever mood she was in, he quickly took the valise from her and settled it in their bedroom.
"James," she called from the kitchen, and her voice did not carry the chill as it had on the rare moments she spoke to him. Happy but unwilling to submit to her un-adopting wishes, James slowly made his way to the kitchen, suddenly the place of life changing matters, and sat at the table, a safe distance away from her and any possible tantrums.
"In the mansion," she began in a business like voice, yet her usual mirth was barely subdued, "I have done some talkin' to Maria Tybal. Now don't you dare make that face, because although she hasn't made a full one eighty, she's pretty close. She's more like a full one hundred. And, with all the hell that girl's been dragged through, I'd say she's got some wisdom knocked into her along the way. She told me what you said to me two weeks ago. I guess I just had to hear from someone who knew from experience." Poppy plopped into the chair across from him and then leaned forward. Fleetingly, she reminded him of Poppy from their child hood, leaning her freckled face closer to tell him a secret she had told nobody else. Shaking off the nostalgic thoughts, he leaned forward also.
"And I was thinking that maybe we could…" Poppy looked straight into his eyes. "…you know."
That was it? That's what she thought of it, a "you know" subject. "Yes, I know but I want to hear you say it."
"Well, you won't, you know perfectly well what I'm saying," she returned to her brisk manner, and left the table to make a show of searching for something in the drawers. "Besides, I've already contacted one of the agencies Thierry told me about. We're going to have a person come by next week to interview us. It's in the bag."
James smiled at her in surprise. Just when he believed she wasn't entirely ready to undergo the adopting process, he learned she was two steps ahead of him. With a silly smile, she came over and snuggled onto his lap. The "I love you," was unneeded, for their actions meant more than words.
"Now we're going to have a family…well, at least in a year or two."
James kissed her briefly before he asked, perplexed, "Why?".
"Because that's how long it takes, stupid," she bantered, stroking his hair. "It's not like adopting a puppy!"
~*~*~*~
September 23, 2000
New York City, New York
Maria yawned and stumbled out of bed. Just as she took her first few steps of the day, she tripped and landed flat on her face. Something began to lick her feet.
"Cerberus!" Maria drew her foot back to kick at it, but stopped herself when it whimpered. She suspected her new puppy had recently discovered the amazing power one whimper held. She sighed tiredly had carried it to the kitchen like a baby.
"Ew, get Gerbil out of the kitchen!" Sabrina exclaimed with exaggerated disgust.
"First of all, his name is Cerberus, second of all, it's as much his kitchen as it is yours." So shut up. Maria scooped a handful of dog food and dropped it in his bowl.
"I thought you were going to give it to the animal shelter."
"They uthenize animals there. I found it inhumane…and as soon as I find somebody willing to buy the mutt, he'll be gone. Be good," she told both of them and went off to prepare for school.
"Now do you remember what I told you," she quizzed Sabrina as she checked herself in the mirror.
"Don't kick the dog and don't let that boy in again," Sabrina droned with disinterest.
"Good." Maria was pleased she hadn't forgotten with her short term memory. "I'm off, and try to call your grandma for the rent money." With that friendly note, Maria left, gently shutting the door behind her.
From then on, Mari hauled herself into a world of notes and books. To her, college was similar to high school in the aspect that she didn't care what anybody thought of her in both cases. Different because she actually had to work to understand the lessons; in high school, understanding the subjects came easily as one, two, three.
And, completely unlike high school, Maria made friends. Not strong, solid friends like everybody had as a safety net when they fell from their problems, but friends who said hi to her in the hall way, and invited her to clubs and parties. That was enough, for now at least.
Her Greek Mythology professor was particularly charming. And young. For her part, Maria speculated with her other class mates that he was under thirty five but older than twenty six. Many of her female and some male friends hoped for a chance of romance with him. Maria knew better, for she spied a black iris branded on the handle of his leather bound suit case. She wondered if he lived in the time when people actually worshipped Zeus, Hera, Hermes, Athena, or Artemis. No matter his age, Maria did not consider him a threat. None of the Night World knew that the Wild Powers had lost the blue fire, with the exception of Valdis.
Her last class ended at six, and she made her way home. Trudging up the steps with a bubble bath in mind, Maria nearly crunched on something placed on their door mat. Twelve roses. Blue roses.
She had typed it on her Christmas list with Tennessee William's "The Glass Menagerie" in mind, with the shy girl nick named "Blue Roses." Maria never expected it, for it was a whim and blue roses never naturally existed in the world. Gingerly picking up the fragrant dozen, Maria entered the apartment, and nearly stumbled over Cerberus' napping head.
"Oh, that dog!" Maria exclaimed impatiently, and drew Sabrina out of the room.
"Roses! For me?" Sabrina squealed and made an attempt to take them from her. Maria turned away sharply.
"They're not for you," she stated resolutely and moved to the kitchen with Cerberus winding between her legs.
"How do you know? There's not a card, and it must be for me. You said that you didn't have a boyfriend."
"I know, and I note how your memory improves when you want something. Tell me, what's wrong with these roses?"
"They're in your hands," Sabrina replied tartly and pounced for them, only to be stopped by the counter between them.
"No," idiot, "they're blue."
"So?"
"Blue roses aren't natural."
"Whatever…never mind any way. I don't want those like cheap roses, their stems are all stained."
Maria wondered if it was possible for her roommate to say a sentence without "like" or "all." She peered down at the roses, and true to the idiot's word, there were dark green marks on the smooth stems. Maria grabbed a magnifying glass from the junk drawer and examined them with a closer view. It seemed too coincidental that each stain was placed carefully on the same place with the same length on each stem. Through her squinted eyes, phrases began to be distinguished the phrases.
I'm sorry, but I told you anything but that. I'd rather burn in hell than
hurt you Again. even though I want your happiness, I don't think you know
what kind of Happiness we can have if you just gave us a chance. That
doesn't mean I think You're too stupid or just a female who doesn't know her
choices. I think it means You're still scared of getting hurt. But if you don't
take chances, Maria, then how Will you ever know if you might have had
true love? Please, I've made mistakes and so have you. But you have
repented yours. You are the only one to repent Mine. If there is nothing else
to say or to do, then just tell me that in all the time We've known each other,
that there was a time that you found me honorable Just knowing that you
possibly loved me, for one evanescent moment, will Keep me content until
the end of time…or until we're together, in this life time Or another. Valdis.
Blue roses and tiny words on each stem. Maria suspected witch powers were called in for this effort. Or a very talented miniaturist scribe. Once again, he analyzed her innermost feelings with complete accuracy. Through any form of communications, whether it be through technology or romantic flowers, he had shaken her strong stock of denial. It wasn't fair. She didn't allow anybody to understand, let alone tell her how she felt, and the man knew her thoroughly from looks from afar. And yet she had no idea what made him suddenly "love" her, or seek her forgiveness from anybody. And of course there was a time when she was happy in his presence, he must have known that. Who wouldn't be happy to be saved when one was slashed in both neck and abdomen?
No, it wasn't fair at all. Maria needed somebody to help her with this, in fact, the only person who's actually helped her with her personal life instead of blundering into it, and deciding actions for themselves. She needed Martha.
"Sabrina I'm leaving for a while. Feed the dog before you go but no beer."
An hour later, Maria stood anxiously on a small porch. The lights were out, and not a soul was heard, not even the "damn noisy neighbors" on the floor above. She had no way to try to contact her, she didn't even know her number, home or work. And her daughter was most likely off at another sleep over. Maria's taxi cab had left in a hurry, and the air was thick and heavy, anticipating the fall of rain. The entire street was dark, and the street lights struggled to fight off the moist blackness.
Then, as if the sky mercifully let out a ray of sunshine, Maria spotted a golden beam two blocks away. It was a church tower. Ignoring the fact that she hadn't entered a place of worship in years, Maria quickly made her way to the ornately styled church. As she neared, a faint choir of children was heard. Maria paused near the doorway to read the plaque.
"Saint Aloysius," she read aloud, wondering if her mother ever attended mass there. Without hesitating, she pushed the heavy doors and made the sign of the cross with holy water in the lobby.
When she entered the main part, Maria was in awe. The churches in Georgia never looked so elegant, for most took the modern and technological style. Stained glass windows lined both east and west walls. The ceiling far above had paintings similar to those of the Sistine Chapel. At the end of the red carpeted aisle laid the altar, with massive white marble stairs which led to the golden and jewel studded altar table. An organ, with pipes tall enough to reach the ceiling, stood near the side. Maria wondered where the angelic voices practiced and looked up to find herself standing beneath a balcony of sorts. And there in the higher shelf of seats sat an uncomfortable, or bored, assortment of boys, ranging from kindergarten to early teens.
"Excuse me," she heard somebody address her and turned around. An elderly nun looked at her with a mixture of kindness and reprehension. Maria sensed that this church received many fearful sinners, hence the sister's cautious behavior. And who wouldn't in such a neighborhood?
"Are you here for confession?" Maria shook her head and then stopped herself. I did need somebody to talk to after all, and the priest won't even see my face any way.
"Lead the way," she answered brightly. The nun nodded and led her between the wooden pews to small confession room.
Maria sat in the dim confession booth until she heard the slot slide open, and saw the dark profile of a man through the wicker like screen. For a moment she forgot what to say, until the priest cleared his throat.
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been…" Maria counted on her fingers, "about five to seven fuzzy years since my last confession." She thought she heard the priest give a low whistle and then called it her imagination.
"And what is this sin my child?" Maria couldn't help but roll her eyes at the my child bit.
"I…I've denied a man happiness, possibly his life happiness" she whispered, grateful nobody could see her anguished face.
"And why have you denied him happiness?"
"For my own," she murmured, with her eyes cast down. Despite the darkness and the screen hiding her identity, she felt the man's gaze on her. The pressure to speak was almost tangible, so Maria blurted:
"And before you ask why, it's because…well because I'm screwed up, Father. I'm just a mess of emotional scars. And he's screwed up, too. And when you have two screwed up people in love, that's just a recipe for catastrophe, or heart break. Or a guess spot on the Jerry Springer Show. And, I know you can't really relate, Father, but can you tell me how to get out of this thing, guilt free? Oh, and pardon my French."
"Are you gifted with second sight?"
"Actually, no, I wear contacts." The Father laughed.
"No, second sight is the ability to read the future. How are you so sure this will end in heartbreak? I'm no expert in romance, but I'm pretty sure you must have an open heart to truly attain solid knowledge."
In her mind, Maria thought of one of her favorite quotes, this one overheard from a class mate. Knowledge is power; power corrupts. Learn more and be evil.
"And just how do you know that?" Maria retorted out smartly before she could stop herself.
" 'Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart.'"
"How poetic, did you write that yourself?"
"Actually, it's from the Bible."
"Really?" Maria propped her chin on the sill where the screen kept them apart. "And just what else does this Bible say?"
"It says that 'Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.' Does that help you my child?"
"I don't know, padre, between me and this guy, I think we've broken all Ten Commandments. Except, for adultery that is, oh and that carved image one," she added quickly, hoping that the priest didn't fear there were heathen in his confession booth.
"What the Bible says, the Bible says," he stated simply. She supposed that was the clergy's version of "Stupid is as stupid does." Maria pulled on her jacket to go when the priest's voice stopped her.
"My child, just one thing…are you even Catholic?"
Maria grinned, and recalled her lost of faith when the first tragedy struck. At the time, people said her family's death was a test of faith. She called it petty retaliation for missing a few days in church and using the Lord's name in vain once or ten times. Perhaps it was simply a time to stop depending on god and start depending on herself. Either way, she had found her way back. "Once upon a time, I was. Maybe I will be again."
~*~*~*~
September 26, 2000
Arizona
"I thought you said last week would be the last call," Ash whispered, and peered over his shoulder. Mary Lynnette was nowhere in sight.
"I know, I know, but I still need some help. She's not doing anything, I wrote her everything and she's still not showing signs of knowing anything. What does it mean?"
"Gee, genius, did you say just how to contact you if she did want another go at it?" Silence from the other line. "Oh my god, you didn't even tell her. I don't know why I ever agreed to help you…"
"Hey," Valdis interrupted, "you're helping me because you've been in my position before. Bad guy trying to do good. Back in the day, Ash Redfern, I used to look up to you, and you were much worse than I was."
"Jesus Christ, Valdis, at least I never bitch slapped my soul mate!" he nearly screamed in annoyance. "You may have been a friend of mine before, but now…"
"Don't you ever mention that again. I know that it was desecration of God's most beautiful creation…" Not exactly what Ash had in mind. "But I don't need you reprimanding me, or anyone else. Listen, you betrayed me. Besides, I'm trying to change, just like you did. Circle Daybreak won't let me join them, so I don't have that convenience. Just give me some more help and then I'll never speak to you again."
Right, like I never heard that one before. "I don't even know Maria that well, how am I supposed to know what she'd like?" Ash heard Mary Lynnette shuffle upstairs and lowered his voice.
"That doesn't matter, Redfern, because out of all the people who knew her, you're the only one who owes me one. Don't forget who helped convince the Council to let you leave the enclave unscathed," he warned.
"How could I forget, you remind me at least once a week since Labor Day. Valdis, I don't know what to do in your situation…"
"But you were in my situation before!"
"This is a little different, pal, Mary Lynnette and I were on speaking terms when we hated each other." He heard Valdis sigh, a sigh Ash often let out on the road while thinking of Mary Lynnette. Pity wrapped around his heart.
"Fine, fine, the only thing you could do is keep trying. What's next on birthday list?"
"Roller blades."
"Never mind, what's on the Christmas List?"
"All it says is PG. And there's no explanation whatsoever." Ash turned to see Mary Lynnette's feet descending the stair way.
"Then get the next thing on her list, with a romantic twist. I gotta go bye." He hung up just as she entered the kitchen. He embraced her from behind in a great bear hug.
"Good morning to you, too. Who was that on the phone?"
"Valdis," Ash mumbled truthfully, knowing very well she'd find out the truth sooner or later. Mary Lynnette almost choked on her granola bar.
"Did you just say Valdis? As in Valdis Eldson, man who nearly killed the fourth Wild Power?"
"Yes, Valdis Eldson, man who helped me leave the enclave safely. I owed him."
"Does he want Maria tied up with a bow on top?" she badgered him.
"No," he defended his old friend, "he wants tips on how to seduce the little lady into accepting their soul mate ship."
"Seduction? Why would he want to ask you?" Ash shrugged, uncomfortable with the subject. The last thing he needed was a rumor saying Ash was aiding the Night World.
Mary Lynnette sensed this and let the conversation die. Her soul mate had made some progress on following his conscience, and if he felt that assisting an unrequited love situation was right, then she would leave it alone.
"So are you ready for a day of lolligagging and then star watching in our brand new observatory?" She started abruptly, excitement evident in her voice.
"You're kidding, we have an observatory? Since when did we acquire one of those fancy do-hickeys? And from who?" Ash asked in mock amazement.
"From a devilishly handsome, surprisingly intelligent fellow. Goes by the name of Redfern," Mary Lynnette explained, giggling. She rose to throw away her granola bar wrappers when Ash grabbed her around the waist and swung her to his lap.
"Anybody I know?" He asked, and leaned his head very close to hers.
"Yeah, his name was like Ass or something like that, I can't quite remember…" Ash stood up and she fell to the ground with a thud and an "ouch."
"Geez, Mary Lynnette, we got a busy schedule ahead of us. You can't waste both our times when we're supposed to be lolligagging!" She grabbed an apple off the table and threw it at his head. He let it hit him, for had grown accustomed to physical abuse from his soul mate.
~*~*~*~
September 30, 2000
New York City, New York
Maria came home to an apartment full of chocolates. Every flavor of every kind of every brand took occupation on every available space of the living room, kitchen, and her bedroom. Boxes made a walk way of sorts to the kitchen table, where heart shaped chocolates spelled out a number. Cerberus sat struggling with the plastic wrap of a Godiva box.
Sabrina, who was off on an early date ending at six, flew into the apartment a few minutes after her. She halted in her tracks, nearly sliding into a pyramid of boxes.
"Holy shit! I know for sure that none of my boyfriends did this, they're not rich enough. Damn, is this from Belgium," she squealed and seized a red and white box of chocolates. Maria snatched it away and read the brand.
"Ugh, he's reading my list!" As usual, Sabrina stared at her blankly, except this time there was a greed for sweets in her blue eyes.
"My Christmas list, and my birthday list. He's getting me everything on there! Except," she said, observing her surroundings, "he's going way overboard."
"You had chocolates on your Christmas list? Wow, you're cheap."
"A type of chocolates from Georgia, that Carol used to buy for me before the arguing years. I never thought he'd…"
"Go there? Hey, as far as I can tell, this guy will go to India to get you porcelain."
"That's China you dumb ass."
"Whatever!" Maria muffled a laugh when Sabrina actually made a "w" with her fingers. It's official: there is such thing as stupidity personified. And she's trying to give me advice.
"Why don't you just go out with him already!? Or better yet, keep him waiting and see what else he gets you!"
Maria sighed and threw her the box of chocolates into her arms to shut her up. She asked anybody who she thought was wise, from the priest to Martha. And she had a feeling anybody, at least those who didn't know the details of their relationship, would have said, "Give him a chance."
"Jesus please us, if only it was that easy." Although there was no doubt in her mind that there was no hope at all about their relationship, or lack thereof, Maria copied the number spelled out on the table into her phone book before eating every single chocolate heart.
~*~*~*~
October 3, 2000
New York City, New York
PG. PG. It had to be initials for something, he just couldn't figure out what. It was obvious she wouldn't want a movie rating for Christmas. PG.
"Pans of gold?" Even the pigeons of Central Park looked at him with disappointment.
"Pigeons? Pretty grass? Pink glasses?" The pigeons gave him a condescending look. He threw the bread crumbs at them, including the bag. The corpulent birds fluttered about until they settled to peck at the free meal.
"All I know is that it has to be important. She's putting all the things that she wished she had on that list. I just have to give every single thing and hope for the best." Valdis sat on the bench lost in his thoughts, and missed the appreciative stares of the women who passed him, once or twice.
"I got it," he exclaimed suddenly. The pigeons flew up at his loud epiphany.
"I'll just question those closest to her! And they would be…Hannah, her Aunt, and that Martha woman. That Martha woman is off limits because she'll clue Maria and then Maria will suspect that I'm a threat. Hannah's…we won't even go there. So that leaves that damn prating and absolutely frivolous woman." Time for another flight down south, but not before one more present to Maria.
Valdis' hasty departure was good riddance to the greedy birds.
~*~*~*~
October 7, 2000
Unexpectedly, a migraine blasted into her temples without their usual warnings. Maria was grateful that it came after she had studied and presented her one on one oral book report on Thoreau. Nonetheless, it stole her time to finish the chocolates.
Each clang of her foot made against the metal steps pounded with ten times the intensity as it had in the empty stair way. Droplets, landing with joyful pops into invading puddles, taunted her with their unattainable tranquillity. She was rising in possibly the only hushed stair well, and the tiny sounds drove her into crippling pain. Maria sighed; it seemed nothing made sense any more. When she reached her door, her thoughts rushed between headaches, back aches, and chocolates so much she hadn't thought about a new gift.
"Okay, this guy, the one who I wasn't supposed to let in, I didn't let him in, I swear!" Sabrina greeted her with a rapid explanation. "Besides, I think he's getting cheap on you, all he got you was a picture." Maria's migraine heightened.
She thought she mumbled something berating, but she wasn't sure with chaos running amuck on her skull. Maria picked up the wooden frame resting on the couch, took refuge in her dark room, and tossed the picture on her bed. Cerberus scratched at the door outside, but fatigue forced her to ignore him. In a sluggish manner, she turned on the CD player and scrambled for the Planet Groove CD.
"To hell with it," she mumbled and popped in the nearest disc. Still in her presentation attire, very similar to a female corporate executive, Maria crawled under her the cool bed sheets. She blinked.
When she awoke, Maria couldn't distinguish any shapes or forms, and couldn't tell what time it was or how long she had slept. For a few seconds she couldn't even tell where she was. Then a sharp jab at her thigh knocked her back into awareness. Maria threw her stuffed animals at her light switch until one beanie baby pig finally pushed the switch to on. Once light filled her room, Maria grabbed the sharp object, ready to catapult it out the window for injuring her so, when she took a closer look.
"No way," she gasped, amazed for maybe the third time in her life time. "No way!" she repeated, screaming at the top of her lungs.
"What? Where is it?" Sabrina ran it, rather tipsy, with a rolled up newspaper in one hand and a plastic baggy in the other. Maria shoved the picture in her face, all but shaking with excitement.
Sabrina took it and raised with a perfectly plucked eye brow. "One's cute, but you can take the old man."
"Hello! It's Joe Torre and Derek Jeter! He got me their autographs, oh my god!" Maria clutched the framed treasure to her chest and flopped backwards on her bed.
"Okay then," Sabrina murmured, in a tone suggesting she was the challenged one, and ran out of the apartment when they heard a car beep outside.
Maria thought it would be silent once the witch was gone but then heard the faint tinkling of her CD player. In her torpid haze, she had slipped Jewel's debut album on continual play. Ignoring the lulling melody, Maria set about to gather the generous presents. Every once in a while, however, particular verses of the next song would slip in her ears while she uncovered the items.
Please don't say I love you,
Those words touch me much too deeply
And they make my core tremble
Don't you realize the power you have over me
She kicked open the door and coaxed Cerberus onto the bed. He happily obliged after some skepticism of her invitation. Maria never allowed him to reside on furniture before.
Please don't kiss me so sweet
It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
Makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow…
She scoured the kitchen floors and counters. A thorough search ensued in Sabrina's place of relaxation. Then she realized she had left them somewhere in her own cluttered domain.
Please don't send me flowers
They only whisper the sweet things you'd say.
Don't try to understand me
Your hands already know too much anyway…
After hovering about like a metal detector over a sandy beach, Maria plunged her hands into a pile of clothes and pulled out the still fresh, now slightly bent, bouquet of blue roses and set them on the bed. Maria remembered the chocolates.
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
You have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please…
She gathered what she could with one trip and piled them onto her bed, and distracted Cerberus' attention from the cerulean and sky blue flowers. And last but certainly not least, she placed the autograph propped up on the bed corner.
And it makes me want to make you near me always
I want to be near you always…
In irritation, she shut CD player off. She didn't like the way songs had a nasty habit of putting their two cents into personal situations. Maria crossed her arms and faced her presents. Cerberus was the only one who looked up.
She sighed at the petulance of the situation. It was wrong. Wrong to keep the tokens of love and give no love in return. By accepting the gifts, by naming the damn dog, she had encouraged him through her actions while her words had said quite another. Hypocrisy had crept upon her and stolen her sight of morality, the little of it. There was nothing to do except return them. And the path away from sanctimony laid in seven numbers scribbled on a rumpled scrap of paper on her desk.
Maria forced herself to turn away from the presents as she waited for him to pick up the phone. She couldn't bear to face Derek Jeter or Joe Torre's smiling faces and, she grudgingly admitted, the dog.
~*~*~*~
October 13, 2000
Las Vegas, Nevada
Keller was having a marvelous time. In their nursery, Apollo slept peacefully in his crib while Galen snored on the floor next to it. Funny how father and son bore such resemblance to Mustafa and Simba on The Lion King. She shifted and poured more bubble bath under the fall of running water. It didn't matter if she splashed gallons of water on her tiled bath room floor. After all, it was her house and she would remember to mop it up later. Just as long as she had some peace and quiet.
She tried to remember the last time she felt so exhausted and content at the same time. Oh yeah, Iliana, the dragon, Galen…,but that didn't result in a new addition of the family. A boisterous, whimsical, emotional, and energetic addition, to say the least. But she would live the nights of cradling Apollo to sleep, imagining spoonfuls of food as airplanes, or battling him in the war of dressing up a thousand times over just to hear him laugh. Keller couldn't explain, just as she couldn't explain why she knew how to take care of him. Instinct, she supposed.
While half submerged in her personal sea of bubbles, she contemplated her future. Not the immediate future, such as Apollo's lunch, as she had a habit of doing since July. She pondered the rest of her life, such as Apollo's college and her grand children. What she would do with her career as a Circle Daybreaker, for instance. Keller was certain that all members would retain the title as a Daybreakers, the strong, but what of their duties? There were no more blonde pieces of fluff to guard, and no more newbies to train. With the diminishing numbers of the enemy, the need for protectors and body guards decreased. It didn't mean that these Daybreakers were put on the streets, Goddess knew they had plenty of ways to make money. It just meant that they would slip into "normal" lives, like the ones they often watched on TV. But for some, it would be such a dull livelihood compared to their previous occupation. Keller wondered just how Rashel would function; most likely teaching self defense classes or something similar.
But for herself…well, she wouldn't stay a house wife. But she wasn't so sure what she was good at other than protecting others. Perhaps celebrities…no. If she lost her patience with the bubbly Iliana, only Goddess knows what bodily harm she'd inflict on the movie stars. Whatever her career decision might be, she knew she'd have her family's approval. And if all else failed, she'd have Galen and Apollo to turn to; Galen would assume the head of the house of Drache, while Apollo…Keller guessed would become somebody unbelievably admirable or important. The thoughts of President of the US or head of Circle Daybreak, or better yet, the worlds most famous and successful military hero…someday.
So lost in her thoughts was the relaxing mother that she did not hear the phone just outside the bath room door until the answering machine blared into her thoughts.
"This is probably the strangest request that you've heard from probably the strangest person you know…and you're probably listening and rolling your eyes right about now." Coincidentally, Keller had just rolled her eyes, grabbed a towel, and rose from the tub.
"But I needed to ask somebody who really understood me for the rotten person I am and the history of every thing else…"
Keller picked up the phone tried her best not to drip on the blue carpet. "Get to the point, Tybal."
"I knew you were there! Oh, okay, I'll try to make it was quick as possible. Valdis is sending presents, I like them but I'm not sure if I like him, and he says that he's sorry for everything he's said and done and he claims he's done a full three sixty. What should I do?" She sputtered out in one quick breath.
"And you're asking me because…"
"I need somebody who would be totally honest with me, without fear of hurting my feelings, to give me advice, hard core, no doubt in mind advice. Please? C'mon you know I wouldn't ask if this wasn't desperately important."
Keller sighed, and sensed that Tybal would call her or beg her until she gave some decisive words of wisdom.
"Just follow what your head says. In my personal opinion, once a close minded, macho jerk, always a close minded macho jerk. Isn't that what you're thinking?"
"Well…yeah."
"So what's the problem, Tybal?"
"Every time I make it a point to give back everything, some meaningful song comes on, or I read a book with similar situations, and I swear to god, Keller, it's like I get palpitations whenever I think of him."
"Listen to me, you called me for advice and I'm giving it to you my piece of mind. Take it or leave it."
She heard Maria sigh miserably. "Fine, fine, fine…just one more thing, Keller. What did you do, when you didn't want to be soul mates with Galen?"
"I…"Keller faltered. "I followed my head," she confirmed, uncertainly, "eventually…Okay fine, so maybe you shouldn't think of reason so much when in comes to these matters. But, Tybal, by the sound of it, this Eldson character is horrible and incurable."
"Keller, he bought me a puppy."
She heard the faint movements from the nursery, and expected one cranky blonde and another hungry for mashed banana.
"Let me guess, he put its hacked up pieces in a big box on your door mat."
"No, it was alive and healthy. He even put a bow on it." Keller raised her eyebrows. It was unheard of for the Night World vampires to treat anybody of the dog family with that much care.
"Are you sure there isn't some slow acting drug in it…"
"Yes, I'm sure. He bought me roses, three roomfuls of chocolates, and autographs. He's getting me everything I had on my Christmas list. And I really, really want to keep them," she admitted, rather selfishly.
"Listen, I'm about five minutes away from a diaper change and soul mate maintenance, so I'm going to tell you what probably everybody else who you've asked has told you. Do what you feel is right." And without a good bye, Maria heard a click and a dial tone. It was typical Keller behavior, at least towards her.
In New York, Maria hung up the phone in a confused, detached manner. That was not what she wanted. She wanted to hear Keller insult her, and then tell her she was crazy for even considering a relationship. All she needed was a push in the right direction, but all signs pointed the other way, what she thought of as a dead end. Maria chuckled at her strange metaphor.
"Screw this," she said with an attempt of decisiveness. "I don't need anybody's advice. Besides, they don't know him like I do." She moved to bathroom to splash her face with freezing water, with the hope of finding fresh sensibility. Maria looked at her reflection and found a small girl of twenty, lost and frustrated out of her mind.
"Girl, you're road kill," she told her in a confiding manner. She nodded in agreement and caught sight of the telephone in the mirror, just outside the door. There was no harm in trying.
By this time she had memorized the number and pushed the buttons with growing agitation, with a contradicting hopes of his presence and absence. He wasn't there, but this time she would leave him a message on his machine, one that she had prepared for more than a week now.
"Valdis, this is…well, you probably already know who it is. And I don't know if you're listening right now or off somewhere doing God knows what…any ways, I just called to say that I can't accept them. I can't encourage this any more," her voice trembled a bit and she pretended to clear her throat. "I'll just leave it in my living room and, since you obviously have an easy way of entering, you could get them as soon as possible. And if you don't want them, I'll donate them to somebody. Because you can't erase the past with gifts, you know that. I can't forget with a bouquet of roses. Well, I've been taking up too much of your time and that's it." Maria glanced at the clock, 8:30, far too early for her room mate to finish partying.
Sabrina burst in with two men at her heels. Too troubled to snap at the males' vulgar once overs or invitations to clubs, Maria retreated to her room. A moment later, her door open and Cerberus was pushed out. Even in her sanctuary, she couldn't find a way to escape her problems.
He had been here. He had invaded her files and papers to find out what she liked. He had scoffed at her new life, he had begged her forgiveness. He changed everything, just when she wanted normalcy. A small headache was inevitable, but she sat at her desk with her head down in hopes of avoiding it any way. It always worked in mind numbing high school.
When all else fails, turn to what's mightier than the sword. She grabbed a notepad and a Crayola marker, and scribbled her emotions on paper.
My hope was rising, growing
My life restarted, and was showing
That there were second chances
To stop standing or sneaking glances
So that I could start living my life
With nothing like pain or strife.
Until you came.
Why are you doing this, what do you need?
It's not a question of your desire, not your greed.
What I want is my life, not our life as one.
There is past that can't be undone.
So stop.
Just stop.
Stop being there for me, stop trying.
We both know how this will end,
You'll be angry, and I'll be crying.
My love today and will never be bought,
My heart's leaving you, and will never be caught.
I'm sorry.
We're meant for each other, but then we're not.
Maria sat back and reviewed what she had just written. As always, it never satisfied her. In her mind, her poetry was nothing compared to Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, or Maya Angelou. "Hell, it's not good enough for fortune cookies."
Maria crumpled the sheet of paper and threw it in her over filled trash bin. Sounds of sleazy good-byes trespassed in her place of peace. Just as she stood to complain of her nightly visitors for the first time, Sabrina opened the door and quietly slipped in.
"Maria, I was thinking that something's been bothering for a while…," she began gingerly and sat Indian style in front of her. Intrigued, Maria sat also, so that they could see eye to eye.
"And tonight, while Robby and Mitch left, the light bulb in my head just suddenly turned on."
More like somebody lit a small candle. But she encouraged her to continue, eager what philosophy the naïve witch had produced.
"I think the guy who's sending these presents is Valdis, and I know about your story with him."
That's all?
"And, you don't need him. I mean, you really don't. Before the witches seceded from the Night World, I had a friend who had a cousin who was good buddies with this guy. And, with all the stuff they've boasted about, he is seriously un-curable."
"Incurable," she corrected.
"Whatever. I mean, you've been thinking this all along right? So what's taking you so long!? Just tell him to blow off, and get rid of that mutt. And, I promise on my mother's grave…"
"She's not dead," Maria protested.
"All right then, if you want to get technical, I swear on my dead raven's grave that I'll bring home a boyfriend for you. I have plenty of extras."
"Gee thanks," she muttered. "For the advice," she added when she saw Sabrina's hurt eyes. "But right now I need some sleep, I have a very hard class tomorrow," she lied. Sabrina nodded, perhaps forgetting that the next day was a Saturday. After tripping twice over the mess Maria refused to clean up, Sabrina left with a helpful smile.
Poor girl, she probably thinks she's done something important.
Writing didn't mitigate the pain, nor the emotional pandemonium warring in her mind. She was both restless and tired; scared but also fearless. Maria found the four yellow walls unbearable, but could not summon a relaxing place outside her apartment. All she wanted to do was leave the world behind.
The streets weren't empty, but the few who wandered about seemed hollow or hopeless, as if they had no comfort in their homes either. The air was crisp, and she met every corner with chilling winds. It was unusually quiet, and the common disturbances of the peace were nowhere in sight. Dead leaves swirled about her swift feet, and the street lights she passed either flickered unexpectedly or glared severely.
She felt rain drops on her nose. It didn't matter, a little rain never hurt anybody. She moved her conflux to the rhythm of her feet, clad in Nike tennis shoes. That's all that mattered now, just to keep running, and to let the world pass by in a blur. She felt as if the farther away she ran, the less she had to face when she returned; that the issues would die down or fly away during the hours she was gone.
Maria had no idea where she was or what time it was. Even Sabrina wouldn't have gone jogging alone at night. But when Maria ran alone, an expression of utter determination usually made potential muggers, rapists, or scoundrels let her alone. She just wished that a simple facial expression would scare off one special scoundrel.
There was something in the chilling air, something that she felt was a little more than electricity. Suddenly, Maria lost her mask of invulnerability, and realized she was lost. No cars in sight, no familiar street signs, nobody on the streets. She'd rather run than stand helplessly, and be the primary target for criminals. Taking turns when she guessed she needed to, Maria found herself even more confused than before. No matter where she went, no matter how far she ran, there was still no one, and the rain pounded even harder with the wind directing the liquid bullets to aim diagonally.
Instinct told her no doors of the stores would be open, it was far too late for that. Maria tried to descry the street signs and which turns would lead into dead ends. When she turned at a curb, certain it would lead her back to her apartment.
"It's in your eyes, and in the sky." Maria didn't stop to hear the insane woman's cackling behind her, which most would have found disturbing. In fact, she was glad to hear somebody's voice. New York City was desolate during the lonely hours she spent running.
"I said it's in your eyes." This time she heard the voice just a few feet ahead of her, hiding the shadows of the steps of a tiny house. She mistook the voice as a hag's, but presently it sounded like it belonged to a middle aged woman.
Maria forced her legs to continue. She knew from experience that fear could paralyze, and standing still would have made a murderer's job much more easier.
"Why don't you ever listen?" The rain stopped, or at least she couldn't feel the stinging shots of water any more. Maria faced a silhouette standing in the middle of the road. Instead of accepting the confrontation, she darted to the right, only to find herself in dead end. Disappointment arose in her; she thought she was smart enough not to trap herself for the killer…unless she could climb over the wire fence…
"Will you start listening for once and stop running away?" A shadow grew beneath her feet, and Maria pivoted; the silhouette stood there, with its dainty hands on slim hips. Maria took a vacillatory step forward, eager to see who flanked her so petulantly.
In a flash, she saw who it was. "Christ," she exclaimed in shock.
"Actually, I prefer Maria." She recognized the emphasis on the first word. As a child, she would choose a "big" word and say it repeatedly for months on end.
"You know, I wanted to grow up, have a house and a dog with husband and two children. Actually, that's not such so much to ask for? Don't you won't the same thing?"
"What I want," she told the child, "is a prescription for Prozac." Good lord, she thought. I'm standing here talking to myself.
"Actually, I don't know what that means but it doesn't sound good for you."
"Yes it is," she argued heatedly. "It would stop these stupid hallucinations with their stupid words of advice. So what now, princess, are you gonna tell me what I should do? Well, you're too late, because I've decided all ready. Now, hop back into your time machine with that kooky mad scientist and go back from where, when you came from and take all hallucinations, flash backs, and other symptoms of insanity with you. Or," she began after a moment of deep thought, "you could be a clone, some instrument of the Night World so that they'd slowly drain me of all common sense and stability…"
"Why do you run from me?" the face rippled as the voice aged into a mixture of old and young. Maria felt the cold power of it and evaded deeper into the alley way.
"I do not run," she objected carefully.
"You run from me," the younger stated again, this time with more forcefulness. "Look at me and look at you. Who is truer to herself?" Maria heard contempt in the voice. She already knew what the real her looked like: a rain soaked girl in sweats and a pony tail. But the copy, or was it the original, before her remained completely dry with long wavy black hair, and eyes glowing like double bonfires.
"Stop destroying my life," the younger Maria demanded the older. "Come on! We've worked hard for this, we have been to hell and back…"
"Hey! At your age I never cursed…" But even as she spoke the girl slowly grew and her features matured.
"That's besides the point," she interrupted. "The point is that you finally have your child hood dream, and not to mention destiny is smacking you in the ass, and you deny it. Wake up and kiss the soul mate!"
She knew she hit rock bottom, especially now when she entered the world of surrealism. "Right, and I suppose I'm supposed to forget everything that's happened for the past two years?"
"Don't be childish," the thirteen year old Maria snapped. "Because only a child would hold onto a grudge that lasts for years, therefore refuse all happiness that could last a life time. And don't tell me you've never made a mistake."
"I won't be childish if you stop trying to understand adult matters! How dare you presume it would be that simple! If you really were me, which you are not, you'd know the pain the rejection is causing me. He's…"
"Stubborn, hot headed, unpredictable, and at times stupid, correct?" Maria nodded, relieved to see the clone knew something of her feelings.
"So are we and that's why you love him," she added, making Maria's jaw drop.
"I am not! I mean, you maybe because you're just a child, but, like you've said, I've been through hell and I've picked up a little wisdom along the way. It may not have looked like it right now, but I'm doing all three of us a favor. This way, nobody gets hurt."
"Do you really believe that you can live without him? Can you honestly, and when I say honest I mean honest, say that you don't love Valdis Eldson?" Although it was a question, it hung around Maria like a major ultimatum. She felt tiny shocks thrumming along her skin, and then shivered as the wind wrapped its invisible arms around both of them. Sounds of the city emerged from nowhere, but their origins floated around them like ghosts. The outline of a cat shot from the end of the alley, and passed directly through little Maria's legs.
"Yes," she asserted, but the gales carried her voice away.
"What was that?" little Maria put a hand to her ear.
"I said yes," Maria yelled. Dark clouds that she hadn't noticed earlier rested heavily on the buildings, and in a blink of an eye the biting rain drops poured down on them.
"I still can't hear you…," her mirror image taunted with familiar hauteur. A white branch of lightning flashed from the violent gray clouds. Maria Tybal seethed, and allowed the bubbling anger over flow within her. Her entire body shook with anger and coldness. It seemed that nobody asked what she wanted in life, they just gave without approval. Nobody gave her a choice as to who should be the love of her life. All she wanted was control and now the imp of the blast from the past was taking all her authority and self reserve. And still, the little girl mocked her.
"Honey, time's a-wasting and I'm not getting any younger…just say it one more time. Come on, sweetie, you remember our mother's song, don't ya? How bout I start?" Maria threw her head back to avoid seeing spiteful little girl and felt the full force of the thunderstorm's soldiers. The moment she did, however, she saw an interesting, bright vein from the sky, slowly branching its way towards her.
Children could be so cruel. In a ghostly voice, little Maria sang ruthlessly. "Your eyes are the eyes of a woman in love, and, oh, how they give you away. Why try to deny you're a woman in love…"
"I DON'T LOVE VALDIS ELDSON!" The power prickling along her skin walls erupted, and fled from its prison to meet the lightning bolt. Trapped and paralyzed by the tendrils of pure electricity and magic, Maria sought her younger version's aid, but she was nowhere in sight. Unable to carry the weight of the volts pressing all around her, Maria covered her head with her arms and hoped for the best. But even when she closed her eyes and turned away from the blinding glare, gray disturbing scenes played in her mind.
There was a woman, beautiful and married, but unhappy.
She had two healthy children. Was she crying when they didn't see?
Her husband was sweet, intelligent, and funny. There should have been no reason to cry.
Her children were mischievous, curious, and human. She wished they had red hair.
They played in a yard surrounded by a white picket fence. They kept her in. Kept the scary things out.
Everyday she and her husband went to work together, with smiles. The smiles hurt so bad…
Finally, after raising the children to adults, she died on a bleak day in humdrum Suburbia.
Hundreds at wake, and at the funeral to see her lifeless body lowered in the ground.
After all had gone, a hill of flowers resting over the grave, one visitor stayed behind.
To place his blue rose on the head stone, and she saw his tearful good bye.
One six feet under, who had lived a life under a facade of merriment and denial.
Another on earth, doomed to eternal misery and longing.
Both would forever be unhappy.
~*~*~*~
"Hey miss, move your ass. If you wanna eat, just get yourself to the front door like all the other bums in the city. Oh for cryin' out loud," she opened her eyes and saw a bovine greasy cook go around her to dump a load of trash in the bin. After muttering some obscenities, he hobbled back into the back entrance of the restaurant.
Her skin felt burned and highly sensitized. Beads of water ran down her body, soothing her feverous skin. Cars, people, stray animals…everything she missed earlier was now in sight. The sky , no longer threatening, was a calm gray. Cautiously, she left the alley. Horns blared and headlights sliced through the darkness. She wasn't hallucinating. She was standing on the street corner, drenched but alive and with a head clear and dizzy, and the city was bustling with night life.
As she jogged back to the apartment, she sensed something wrong within her. With each breath there came a grating pain in her lungs, and she felt as if her heartbeat would break free from the ribcage. She didn't want to feel the pain but she didn't want to hold her breath hours on end. Dizziness that she associated with the strange liberation of the blue fire intensified, and blurred her vision. Get a taxi, you idiot!
But none came. Perhaps they avoided wet homeless teenagers, or they only came to women in a miniskirt and tight top. She wasted ten minutes standing on a corner when she realized the pain had gotten worse. It was either the hospital or her apartment.
"Chest pain, short breath, and dizziness…aw, hell, this isn't good," she gasped, but kept her pace. Most doctors told her when the palpitations came, to call them and then lie down. Maria brushed the forgotten symptoms aside, for there was something more important at hand than her health.
God, how could I be so stupid? A normal life, normal family…it's not worth anything unless you have the man you lov- Maria put the brakes on her thoughts before she could finish. Love? She barely knew him. Well, the man you are meant to be with.
By schedule, the street lights had switched off by the time she ran down her block. Hints of dawn hid behind light gray clouds, and her neighbors began to drive off to work. Had she been gone that long?
It seemed like five minutes ago I left that message for Valdis… She would have said it aloud but she didn't want to waste her breath.
"Oh my god," she realized and her knees buckled under her just as she landed on the doorstep. The message, hours ago, and…oh dear lord, Sabrina's "helpful" vow. Valdis must have heard it by then, and she had said as soon as possible. Just when she thought she had seen the worst, something unbelievable just had to happen.
"Hey, Maria!" With great difficulty and stiff joints, Maria rose from the concrete stairs and looked up to Sabrina's face four stories up.
Please don't tell me he came here, please don't…
"Valdis came here last night, but don't worry, I told him what's…what." Her light hearted words wounded her more than the merciless rain drops had done before. Too exhausted to shut her up, Maria stood helplessly on the street. She let the walkers bump into her, she let the sounds of the city swallow her up. Maria's face remained heaven ward, but she felt her rapidly beating heart sinking the opposite direction.
Was this it? Was this Fate's punishment for denying her for so long? Surrender, complete and utter, almost washed over her. The images that played before eyes in the alley way suddenly became a reality. Maria saw the heartbreaking scenes and almost sobbed if it wasn't too painful to inhale. Her new life was a failure, just as her attempt of true happiness. Heavy depression blanketed over her mind, and sadness glazed in her eyes. But her stubbornness just wouldn't allow her to give up, not without a long bloody fight. Well, minus the bloody part.
Puh lease. You are Maria Yolken Tybal. You were a Wild Power, you helped save the world, and you have survived living with that bimbo for a month. Don't tell me you are giving up now. If you are, you do not deserve happiness. Don't expect fate to do everything, you gotta help along the way.
She should have worried about multiple personalities. She should have laid down and rested after six hours of running. She should have gone inside before she relapsed into illness. But instead she thought of Valdis.
"Which way did he go?"
"What?"
"Which way did he go, hurry Sabrina," she shouted urgently. Sabrina gave her customary confused expression and then shrugged.
"Don't say I didn't warn you. He went left and then turned right at the second intersection. But remember, I knew a friend whose cousin who was a good buddy of his…hey, where are you going?"
She had no time to lose, but the odds were stacked against her. Her legs were as wobbly as a baby's and her lungs were smoldering. Her teeth now chattered uncontrollably as she walked, for she had not the strength to even jog, swiftly and cut through the crowds like a knife. Maria had heard of soulmates finding each other through the bond, but she had brushed it aside for so long she didn't know what part of her held it. The maze of concrete held Valdis somewhere, and the only navigator she had was instinct and their faint bond. She prayed to god it was enough.
Unconsciously, she slowed her pace. Her mind, however, ran at a million thoughts a second. A passerby would have mistaken her as a foolish runaway, too scared to deal with conflicts at home. In perspective, she had been.
"Come on," she panted, "all you got to do is find him." Her pessimistic side told her finding an atheist in the Vatican was easier than finding a single man in New York City. But she refused to believe that. After all, she was Maria Yolken Tybal, and she was going to get her soul mate whether fate allowed it or not. Maria took turns into lanes she never visited and paced avenues she never saw before. Umbrella toting men and women looked at her as if she were insane. There was a chance she was, but she didn't care.
The sound of mud squishing under her sneakers snapped her into focus of her surroundings. Instinct, or sheer stupidity, had led her to a debilitated street of houses squeezed together as close as possible. Normal house hold actions could be seen through the windows, while some children sat under the metal awnings. At the corner at which she stood, was a boarded up chapel, the faded brick desecrated by graffiti. The invisible string that had dragged her through out the city lost its pull, and she nowhere to turn. For the second time in twenty four hours, she was lost and it wasn't likely the schizophrenic side of her would tell what to do again. Giving up, for that day at least, she leaned on the black iron admirably still standing to protect the small church and waited for an idea to come to her mind. The time was also valuable to stop her shivering and calm her heart rate. She may not have found Valdis now, but she intended to spend the rest of her life trying if needed. The least anybody could do was try.
A flower petal, possibly a late casualty of the autumn, landed in front of her and then was blown away again. She followed its movement from her shoe to under the black iron fence, until it was caught against a headstone.
Feeling the ridiculous need to help the poor thing, she sauntered with the support of the fence to the grave yard also defended by the. Her Samaritan deed was forgotten when she saw whose grave it was plastered against. With baffling strength for one who hadn't slept for nearly forty hours and experienced a ravaging palpitation longer than thought possible, Maria gingerly climbed over the fence and limped slowly to the head stone. She sank to her shaking knees and with unsteady hands she pushed the leaves and weeds to read the name.
Theodore Tybal. 1950-1980. Loving son, husband, and father.
Her stomach lurched. Almost positive surrealism had overtaken her mind again, she let her fingers trace the marble letters. Yes, they were real. She had sought for her soul mate and found her father's grave yard instead. But, some deluded part pleaded, it might not be your father, it could be some other man with the same name. Come on, keep trying, Valdis must be here somewhere.
She almost stood up and continued her desperate search, if it wasn't for the color of the petal. A blue curled up petal. Her knees sunk into the wet grass again. She was so hypnotized by the headstone that she didn't spy the children just across the street staring at her with inquisitive eyes, and mouths full of chocolate. Five or six boxes sat at their feet.
A man to the other side of them was surrounded by a group of male teenagers. All murmured excitedly while swarming around an ancient looking man, maybe their grandfather. He held a rectangular wooden frame in his hand and squinted at the corner of the picture through his thick glasses. They, too, had chocolates.
Afraid of disappointment, Maria slowly turned her head to her left. Another weed covered headstone laid directly next to his. The entire memorial seemed a dull brown and gray, except for one effervescent objected.
A bouquet of slightly bent, blue roses with dark green stains on the stems lay against the head stone. She didn't have to brush aside the weeds to know whose grave it was.
"Fate, God, whoever you are that makes these things happen ," she whispered, hoping somebody other than they could hear her. "I'm not ready for disappointment right now, but if this is just another letdown, I will die. Not by my own hands, but yours. My grief…" Instinct, the wonderful instinct that saved her life for the past twenty years, told her to turn around.
Blood red hair. Sad blue green eyes. Beautiful lips drawn into a tight white line.
"Jesus, Maria, you're freezing."
And there stood Valdis, hiding behind a monument of a stone angel praying over some unfortunate soul. He must have seen her since the moment she staggered in front of the corner, yet he hadn't said a word, and was satisfied to simply watch her from a distance. Why didn't he catch my attention? Maria thought of her persistent complaint concerning his ardent attempts to reconcile, and smiled when she realized that he was simply complying. She was dumbfounded to know he still worried about her.
Valdis took off his coat and draped it over her shivering shoulders. He avoided her wondering gaze and quickly buttoned it close.
This was it. This was the brink of the happy ending she had wanted all her life and she had nothing to do except cry. Rivers of tears surfaced in a heartbeat. His eyebrows furrowed as his hand rose to her forehead.
"You're burning up, what were you thinking walking in the freezing rain ten months after pneumonia?" She leaned into his touch, loving the feel of his skin against hers.
Maria's hands fluttered to his cheeks, delicately stroking the stubble on his face. In the quivering mass of happiness, she found her voice. "Valdis?" she marveled. "Valdis, please tell me you're here, tell me you're not coming from some part of my brain…"
"God, your aunt told me you got delirious when you get sick; come on let's get you inside some where." His arms snaked around her, ready to lift her off her feet. Maria broke free from her awe and remained seated. By pleading eyes he sat down next to her and she felt a thrill ripple through her when he scooted closer.
"No, no, no, I'm not crazy, Valdis. I understand everything, now. I understand why you did all of this, why the fate decided we should be together." A horrible thought entered her head. "That is…you're not leaving are you?" Valdis looked away but before he could answer she began to speak rapidly.
"Please, don't leave now, Valdis, I told you I understand everything and I'm sorry that I was so stubborn before but that's just the way I am and I would have gone to you sooner but I've just been so desperate for a normal life I didn't realize it wouldn't be normal if I pretended all the time." She paused for a deep breath when Valdis clamped a hand on her mouth.
"I was going to leave…," he confessed, and threw a dark look at the children who had benefited from his chocolate donation earlier. They scrambled into their house and hid behind the window curtains. With the dark look and visible tensing of his sinewy body, the men with the autograph, now investigating Maria's situation from afar, quickly entered in their separate houses.
"…after I heard that message. And then I remembered I had one more gift to give on your unbelievably expensive Christmas list." She bit into his palm so that she could talk.
"PG," they said at the same time.
"My parents' graves," she said with a small laugh, still in amazement of his appearance. Just as she was certain there was no hope in sight, quirky God had decided to give her a break after all.
"Isn't this the part when you ask me 'how did you know?' Nah, don't bother, I'll just say it any way. I flew all the way to Georgia to see if your aunt knew."
"Did she?" Maria didn't recall ever sharing her Christmas list with her adoptive aunt, but who knew what she said when her dreams followed her into reality during the weeks of pneumonia. Valdis shook his head.
"No, she had no inkling what PG meant. But she did mention that you would mumble somebody called 'Gwendolyn' when you were sick and after hours of brainstorming I-"
"Put two and two together," she finished for him. The euphoria had abated and common sense allowed him to pull her to her feet. "She answered all your questions willingly?"
"Don't you start reprimanding me about mind games, Maria. I've heard some of the stories of your manipulations and we're both guilty of mind control." Maria shrugged and gazed at the block around them. The houses were still depressing, and the shower still fell rudely about them, but there was a new brilliant shine to everything. At the moment, she didn't care if their bond had led her to the garbage dump or the city morgue, just as long as she found him. "What made you seek me out?"
With the last tiny details safely stored in her head she looked up into his face. It was strange to see him smile and smile back, without any malevolence whatsoever. Strange and delightful. Maria shrugged again, finding it difficult to put her experience into words. The means of their present happy ending didn't seem to matter.
"I was running away, literally, when I just suddenly saw myself in a different angle, a different person really." It was quite possibly the most emotional moment of her life, and her tears took the utmost advantage of it. "It was just stupid to hold your past against you when you completely forgot mine. Here you are, ready to accept me with open arms in less than a second, and it took me months to even consider it. Oh don't," she protested and pushed his lips away. "If we're going to make this work, you're gonna hafta learn that you can't shut me up with kisses like they do in the movies. Oh, look," she lamented, "there I go again, ruining the moment. I shouldn't have gotten so assertive…"
Rough fingers caressed her dripping chin and tilted her head up so golden orbs met his. The flames he had thought of every day once again blazed as if the sun had taken refuge from the mauvais temps in her eyes Her eyelashes held captured droplets from the storm. As he leaned closer, water dripped from his rain soaked head onto her cheeks. For a breathtaking second, his lips stopped a hairsbreadth away from hers, long enough for her to pull back an inch to protest for his coyness when he pulled her close and pressed his kiss against hers.
Never in her life had she felt anything like it. She had been romantically kissed by two men before, and Dorian had never really counted. Kyros was fun, but all that pawing had been irritating.
But to be kissed by a soul mate…for endless moments she reveled in the simple joy of it. With a soft touch of his lips she had been thrown in to such harmonious ecstasy that she began to shake more violently than before.
He was in an only slightly better condition. Losing all consciousness of their audience, his hands grabbed her by the waist and held her as if she were only a fleeting dream. She found bruises on her hips later on.
Together they explored the link, tangling their souls through the fluid sea of their thoughts. Before, she had seen his mind as a turbulent whirlpool of anger, and confusion. And Valdis had expected the broken tundra encasing the searing thoughts of the lively girl within. But both were surprised to find themselves in growing warm flood of emotions: happiness, love, surprise, laughter…and some feelings no word in any language could describe.
He pulled away just as her legs failed her. Her hands clung around his neck for support. She laughed in his worried face. Ten hours of irrational exercise had taken its toll. Before she could laugh any more, she fainted in his arms with a hopeful smile on her face.
~*~*~*~
She always thought swooning women were weak. Or ridiculously emotional or just planning to fall into the arms of a handsome men. In movies, books, and shows she criticized any female who fainted in the most important scenes. They had all just been so damn annoying. Maria made a mental note to stop any form of criticism from then on.
She was aware she was in a very stiff bed with bright lights just overhead. A hospital bed, after all she had plenty of experience in emergency rooms. Maria felt the golden link strengthen and felt Valdis just in the corner of the room. She smelled strong impostor perfume and knew Sabrina hovered over her.
"Damn girl," she whispered close to her ear. "If you faint with his kiss, think how good the sex is!" Lassitude prevented Maria from pointing out that Valdis had vampire ears and could pretty much hear everything in Queens. Maria opened her eyes and smiled at Valdis across the room, which disappeared when the blue green eyes rose to meet hers, summoning him to come closer. The whole world and everything in it vanished when their fingers met. On closer inspection, he could feel pieces of frozen denial or pain holding back thoughts that she didn't even know existed. It had little matter, for they had the rest of their lives to delve each other's mind.
Valdis didn't expected to live the rest of their lives in complete pacifistic peace. Maria knew fights and arguments were unavoidable. Just as long as embraces, kisses, and stubborn apologies, the only definite idea was that they would be together until the end of time. Maybe longer.
The End
~*~*~*~
"Better to have loved and lost a short person than never to have loved a tall." David Chambless
