Masquerade


Part 8


Buffy woke to a room flooded with warm golden sunlight. Utterly exhausted, she had forgotten to draw the curtains the night before so now the early morning light bathed the whole room with a soft warm glow.

Momentarily disorientated with her new surroundings, she pulled herself up in the large double bed and took a deep breath of morning air. Slowly, images of the past few days trickled into her head. The hospital, the accident and then the tiring journey home.

**Home** That's what Liam, her *husband* had told her the night before. **She was home and safe and...** Buffy took a second deep breath to calm the rise of panic that had started to surge inside the walls of her chest. She might have returned *home* but she was still totally lost, confused and bewildered.

Running her hands through her loose, blonde hair, she looked around the pretty peach bedroom hoping that something would shout out from its hiding place and welcome her back.. When nothing did, a third calming breath was needed to squash the growing fear.

Just as she lost hope of ever finding anything familiar, the faint fragrance of roses drifted in through the window and Buffy knew without even looking, that the roses growing outside in the gardens below would be yellow. She liked yellow roses, she didn't remember why, but it was there in her memory, one of the few details about her past life that she could still cling too. There seemed so few of those memories left, but to Buffy, every one of them, no matter how small or insignificant were unbelievably precious.

These tiny scraps from her past were all that were keeping her sane.

Her sister's name, her mother's face, the outside view of her house and...** Angel** Buffy sighed, she'd recognised the face and somehow she remembered that part of his name. **Now if only I could remember the real person, the man behind the angry mask**

"Easier said than done" Buffy spoke her thoughts aloud, safe in the knowledge that nobody else could hear her.

Turning her head towards the window, she caught sight of the small clock on the bedside cabinet. At 9.45.am, it wasn't as early as she'd first thought. After putting off the inevitable for as long as possible, Buffy knew she had to get dressed and go and greet the new day. But it wasn't the thought of the new day that bothered her, more the thought of spending that day with Liam. Their first day together completely alone...

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Buffy stopped for a moment and studied how thin they looked. Whilst in hospital, there was too much on her mind to really pay attention to her body, even though the subject of her weight loss had risen on more than one occasion. But now there was no hiding from the truth. Standing gingerly on her still painful leg, she moved slowly across the room and stood before the full-length mirror on the front of her wardrobe door. Raising her eyes she took notice of her frail appearance for the first time.

At the reflection staring back, Buffy shuddered. She could see her body properly now and it scared her to death. She wasn't just slim, she was skinny, almost a bag of bones.

"No wonder Liam couldn't bare to touch me" Buffy sighed softly as she ran her hand lightly across her small chest and prodded her protruding ribs with her fingertips.

She wasn't sure why, but the thought bothered her. It didn't matter how hard she tried not to, Buffy found herself thinking about Liam more and more. There was just something about him that terrified and excited her at the same time.

Her dreams were filled with jumbled visions but one thing stood out from the chaos more than anything else ... his eyes. Not seething with anger or cool with indifference. The deep brown pools filling her dreams that night had burned with real passion.

**Passion? **

As she struggled to remember the dream, Buffy couldn't be certain if it was just her imagination playing games with her, or something a lot deeper.

**Was the lost part of her memory finally rising to the surface? Could it break through and return while she slept? ** Doctor Walsh had thought so and the possibility that he was right brought a new wave of joy to her heart.

But the joy was momentarily put to one side as her thoughts returned to deep brown, enigmatic orbs.

Raising her hand to the cheek that Liam had caressed the night before, Buffy sighed softly. Just the thought of his fingers caressing her cheek brought a healthy pink flush to her face. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, there was definitely a spark between the two of them, something resembling an electrical current passed through her body whenever he touched her skin. If she really did have to wake up in a void world, with a stranger for a husband, Liam Angelus wasn't such a bad catch. **In a drop dead, gorgeous way**

"Now, if only I could remember him, " Buffy told her reflection with a soft smile. "And remember why those beautiful eyes always look so cold" she added as an afterthought.

**You were away for over three months** As his words returned and lingered inside her head, Buffy found herself once again questioning the reason for her absence. She was still not happy with Liam's reply and made a mental note to ask him about it later, once she got dressed that was.

**Dressed** Buffy blushed again as she glanced at her near naked form.

Too tired the night before to worry about anything but sleep, she had kicked off her shoes, dropped her jeans and shirt casually over a chair and crawled into bed wearing just her underwear. Now, standing in front of the mirror almost naked, she decided that getting showered and finding some clean clothes were definitely the first priorities of the day. On that thought, Buffy opened the closet door and after viewing its contents for a few seconds, she stood back in horror.

This time she was more than a little confused

"So were the hell are my clothes?" She mumbled, as her hands reached up and flicked through the endless rows of naked hangers.

Moving to the drawers on her left, she found the same thing. Buffy struggled to understand. This was supposedly her home, her bedroom and yet there was nothing here that proved she'd ever spent a single day in this room. The dressing table was also completely bare. No photos, no toiletries, nor make up, not even a hairbrush.

Noticing the small bag that Liam had brought back from the hospital, Buffy unzipped it and withdrew a fresh set of underwear. She eyed her jeans and shirt still lying on the chair in the corner and, although they had been worn to travel home in the day before, Buffy was grateful that at least she wouldn't have to walk around the house almost naked. Collecting the garments in her arms, she walked across the room and stood at the bedroom door. Reaching out, she placed her hand on the handle only to hesitate again before pulling it open.

"Now, if only I remembered where the hell the shower was?" she grumbled in frustration before finally walking out.

*******

Meanwhile

Angel was sitting at the kitchen table holding a cup of strong black coffee in one hand and flicking through the newspaper with the other. Although he looked deeply engrossed in the sports pages, he wasn't concentrating on any article in particular, especially after spending the whole night lying awake. After finishing the bottle of scotch in his study, Angel had pulled his weary body up the stairs to their small guest bedroom and collapsed in a heap on the tiny single bed.

The alcohol flowing through his blood stream did little to help his mood, if anything; it left him feeling even more frustrated. As the endless dark hours slipped silently by, all Angel could do was stare up at the ceiling and wonder for the millionth time how their once perfect marriage had disintegrated all around them, without him noticing a single crack in the paintwork.

Sleep was impossible.

No matter how hard Angel tried, his imagination refused to allow him one moment of peace as it ran riot with images of Buffy.

**Wife?**

** Friend?**

** Lover?**

**Bitch?** It simply hurt too much to decide.

The woman who had stolen his heart with a single glance and had broken it just as quickly, lay sleeping just a few feet along the corridor. Twice that night, Angel had forced himself away from her bedroom door only to return to his cold empty bed, feeling utterly disgusted with his weakness. Although he knew it was wrong, he couldn't help himself. With Buffy being home again and sleeping in a room so close by, his body burned for her, a low ache in his stomach twisted so tight he wanted to scream.

**But She doesn't want you**

**She left you**

**The bitch even had the audacity to blame you**

Angel pulled the pillow over his head to cut out the annoying voices in his mind, but they simply wouldn't quit. All night long, with a little help from the alcohol in his system, he tortured himself in a desperate need to control his emotions. He tried everything to remind himself he no longer cared. But his heart knew it was a lie and the torture continued.

**You want her**

**You need her**

** You love her. **

Angel jerked upright in bed, his face strained and tiny beads of sweat peppering his brow.
It didn't matter if she hated him; nothing mattered at 2.am but the pain in his chest and the ache in his groin.

Climbing out of bed for a third time, the tormented man threw open the small closet door and without even looking, he reached inside and removed a pale yellow bathrobe from its hiding place. Holding it close to his face he breathed deeply and the faint smell of Buffy flooded his senses and melted down the steel wall surrounding his heart. Falling back on his bed, Angel held Buffy's old robe against his cheek and tried desperately to shut out the pain he was feeling. He knew it was insanity to lower his defences but, after months of being alone, he needed to forget the emptiness that threatened to suffocate him and just this one night let his heart drown in the smell of her scent.

**You really are a big, stupid, dumb ass**

**Liam, be careful, please, please be careful this time**

**Don't worry, sis. She won't break my heart a second time**

His sister's voice of warning was clear in his mind, but it didn't help.

Angel wanted to be strong, he longed to cut Buffy Angelus out of his heart once and for all, but in the early hours of that morning, he discovered he couldn't lie to himself any more. He loved her, he always had and, sadly, he always would...

Tomorrow his strength would return, with the sunlight he would remember the anger, the disappointment and the hatred.. But not tonight, tonight he just wanted to hold part of her.

Sleep never came, but as Angel lay in the darkness with the scent of his lost love by his side, he found the spark of comfort he needed to get through the rest of the night...

It was probably a mistake but for a few hours it was enough.

******

"Hey!" Buffy's small voice broke into his thoughts and snapped his attention right back to the present. Without looking up, Angel folded the newspaper and placed it on the table. When he did raise his eyes his breath caught deep in his throat at the sight before him.

"Did you... Did you sleep well?" Angel asked, needing to do something, anything to stop losing himself in her eyes. Standing up, he pulled out the nearest chair and indicated for her to sit down.

"Yes, thanks. I didn't think I would, but I must have been exhausted because I slept like the dead last night." Buffy accepted the offer of the chair and when she looked up, she couldn't fail to notice the dark rings that circled his eyes. She surmised that Liam hadn't been as fortunate with sleep as she had.

Even with his head down, Angel could feel her warm gaze wash over his face. He had showered and shaved that morning but he knew after drinking a bottle of scotch and failing to sleep, he wasn't looking his best His wife on the other hand looked amazing.

"I see you found the shower" He reluctantly turned his head and met her gaze

Buffy nodded her head.

Her long blonde hair was still wet and Angel watched in awe as tiny droplets of water sparkled like silver as they dripped unnoticed onto her skin.

After everything that had happened, she still took his breath away.

Buffy was completely unaware how beautiful she looked, sitting there with the morning sunlight caressing her skin. But Angel noticed, he noticed everything. He observed the way the golden light danced gently across her large hazel eyes, the way her breasts swelled against the thin material of her shirt .....

**The way she shuddered when you touched her** That thought hurt more than he wanted to admit and the flicker of despair he felt lingered.

"Liam, I was..." Buffy started to question her lack of clothing but was cut off before she could reach the end of her sentence.

"What would you like for breakfast. I could fix you some cereal or maybe something hot. I do a mean scrambled eggs," Angel asked, dragging his hungry eyes away from her body. She was thinner now but there was still enough of her curves to set his blood on fire.

Buffy was about to refuse, seeing that her appetite had disappeared along with the rest of her past, but as she opened her mouth to speak, she remembered how thin she'd looked in the bedroom mirror and knew that her body couldn't afford to lose any more weight. It didn't matter that she wasn't hungry, from now on she would force herself.

"Thanks, eggs would be great" she accepted gratefully then as an afterthought added "But shouldn't I be doing the cooking?"

Angel blinked at the unexpected question.

"We don't have that sort of marriage, Buffy. We both work, so we both share the cooking.. Besides, until you remember where everything is kept, it will be quicker if I do it" He walked to the refrigerator and removed a large carton of eggs. Moving easily around the large kitchen, Angel then set about preparing the meal.

As Buffy watched helplessly from her seat at the table, her frustration continued to grow. He was right, she didn't have a clue where anything belonged. This was her kitchen, her home and yet she felt like an intruder.

She had no memory, no past and now no belongings.

Buffy knew she didn't belong here anymore, but until she found out who she really was, she didn't belong anywhere else...

TBC....