Masquerade

Part 11


The fire returned.

Like an unwelcome guest at a party, it gatecrashed through her peaceful slumber and set about its cruel, evil destruction. Buffy could only watch in horror as the skin on her arms turned from a soft golden brown to a crisp, black ash, and then slowly melted away from the bones. She tried to scream, but the severe pain she felt in every cell of her body clenched the muscles of her throat closed, and her cry of desperation was lost.

She was trapped. There was nowhere left to run nowhere safe to hide and no one she could trust.

Or was there?

As the fierce, red blanket moved ever closer, engulfing her in its heat and anger, Buffy screamed again, and this time the noise of her terror exploded from her throat.

"Buffy! Buffy! Wake up!" The hand on her shoulder shook gently.

Buffy sat upright in bed, shaking and clearly terrified. As her eyes focused, she saw that Angel was sitting on the side of her bed, his face wide-awake with concern.

"It was a dream. Just a dream" His rich, velvety voice tried its' best to reassure her.

Buffy just stared at him, eyes wide, panting for breath as she struggled through her disorientation.

"You were dreaming" Angel tried once again to comfort her.

"D..dr.. Dreaming?" Buffy stuttered as she realised that the fire was no longer burning her body.

Although his kind words meant well, they did little to soothe the panic that was screaming through her blood. Seeing the fear continue to grow behind her frantic eyes, Angel lent forward and wrapping his arm around her trembling body, he cradled her up against bare chest.

Turning her head, Buffy pressed her face into the curve of his shoulder and as she clung to him, her fingers dug deep into the flesh of his back.

"Shh.. You're safe now" Angel tried again to soothe away the terror that had possessed her petite body. When he felt the first hot tear fall against his chest, his arms tightened and rocking her gently, he kissed the crown of her head.

Pressed so closed against his skin, Angel couldn't fail to notice how her heartbeat had doubled, as a rush of adrenaline raced through her veins.

"It was so real. It wants to burn me alive" Buffy whispered, fearful that if she spoke too loud, the flames from her dream would return and finish the job.

As the visions of her dream became clearer, she remembered that this nightmare was identical to the one she had dreamt on the plane trip home. Buffy couldn't explain why, but something evil was haunting her. Something wanted her dead.

**It was so real. It wants to burn me alive**

Her pitiful remark made Angel's heart lurch, he had never seen anybody look so terrified in his whole life.

At her alarmed state, he considered his next words carefully.

"Was it memories from the accident?" He asked gently, as he continued to rock her in the circle of his strong arms.

Buffy was almost too frightened to think.

"I don't know. Maybe. I just don't remember. All I can see is the fire, it's hot and bright and burning everything in its path. It's unbearable" Squeezing back more tears, Buffy leaned in closer and ran her hands down his naked back. She wouldn't cry, she couldn't, because if she did, Buffy bit into her lip, because if she did she feared she would never be able to stop.

This time Angel was the one to tremble. As her small hand absentmindedly caressed the sinewy muscles in his back, he couldn't stop his own body from reacting.

Pulled from his sleep by her frantic cries, Angel had run almost naked to her room. Now, perched on the side of what was once *their* bed, he ignored his state of undress and concentrated fully on Buffy's pain.

"I won't let anybody hurt you, not ever again" Angel murmured as he ran his hand down the length of her back. Slowly, he felt her began to relax, as her breathing returned to normal.

Although she was beginning to feel slightly calmer, Buffy was nowhere near ready to let go of the man holding her. Her fingers lessened their death grip on his flesh but they made no attempt to move away.

Sensing her reluctance and mistaking it for fear, Angel moved his mouth to the top of her head.

"There's no need to be afraid. I've got you " He whispered, softly brushing his lips against her temple.

"Angel"

Buffy's small sigh was barely above a whisper, as she felt her skin burn beneath his lips. This time the feeling of being burned wasn't fearful, but exciting.

As she ran her fingers lightly across his bare arm, Angel silently groaned. She had no idea what it did to him when she called him by that name. No idea of the memories that one simple word could provoke.

Pulling her face from the safety of his shoulder, Buffy looked directly into Angel's dark eyes and tried not to react to his nearness.. Or his nakedness.

"I know this must be just as confusing for you as it is for me. You can remember so much more than I can and.." Buffy stopped; at that second the pain and loneliness reflected in his eyes told her without words how desperately he had missed her.

Reaching up with her hand, she turned his face and softly kissed his lips.

At the unexpected show of affection, Angel drew in a sharp breath. The kiss started softly but as each heartbeat passed, it intensified. Then, with more strength then he knew he possessed Angel broke off the kiss and pulled away.

"You should try and get some sleep now, it's late" He looked deep into her confused eyes, struggling to keep his voice even.

Suddenly the room felt cold and sitting there in just his black boxer shorts he feared he would soon be trembling himself. But it wouldn't be just from the cold. His body ached to continue the kiss, longed to hold her and press her soft body into *their* mattress, claiming her once more as his own.. But not tonight. When they finally did make love Angel wanted it to be because she *wanted* him with her heart, body and soul and not just because she was scared of the dark.

When Buffy felt him start to move away, the fear she had pushed aside a few moments earlier raised its ugly head again.

"I... I..." She hesitated, shaking her head, unsure if she should continue but knowing that she no longer had a choice.

"Please, don't go. I don't want to be on my own. I really need you tonight" Her nervous voice was small and shaky.

Angel knew, no matter how hard the temptation would be, he couldn't refuse her. Resting his forehead against hers, he fought to control the race of his own heartbeat.

"Okay, I'll stay, but just until you fall asleep" Overcome by tenderness, he smiled softly, as her face relaxed with relief.

Pulling back the sheets, he slipped his long body beneath the covers and wrapping a protective arm around her, he hugged her small back into his hard chest.

For a few minutes they lay quietly together not moving but, as she felt his long legs rubbing against her, Buffy turned in his arms.

Their eyes locked and needing to break the tension, Angel smiled again and brushed a feather-light kiss to the end of her nose. Feeling safe and secure for the first time that night, Buffy returned the smile with one that was so grateful, it almost melted his heart. Then, with a contented sigh, she rested her head against his chest and with the steady beat of his heart drumming against her ear; she gave in to her exhaustion and let the sleep that she needed, reclaim her.

Angel smiled softly as he watched her sleep, his hand lightly stroking her back for the rest of the night.

When she woke the next morning, he was gone.

*****

Walking into the bathroom, Buffy moved towards the shower but at the last moment she changed her mind. She reached over the bathtub and turned on the taps, releasing a fast flow of steaming water.

Slipping her new robe off her shoulders, she waited until the water level had risen to a level of luxury and after testing the temperature with her fingers, she sunk gratefully into its depths. As her body adjusted to the heat, Buffy's tense muscles began to soothe. She had no idea how long she lay there, silently reliving the night before, but it must have been for a while because the water had turned tepid before she reluctantly climbed out.

Leaving the bathroom, she hurried along the corridor and walked straight into Angel coming out of his room.

" Hey!" Angel was the first to break the awkward silence.

"Hey" Buffy tensed when he started to speak but as her eyes flicked over his friendly face, she let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"No more bad dreams?"

Buffy shook her head in relief.

"No, thank you" She whispered shyly, and resisted telling him that the rest of the night her dreams had taken a completely different direction. This time she had dreamt of twisting bodies not crying out in pain, but in passion.

"That's good" Angel replied again with a small grin.

For a few minutes the uncomfortable small talk continued.

"You look very nice this morning" Buffy cursed as she felt her cheeks blush. She couldn't fail to miss the dark, designer suit he was wearing.

Ignoring the colour rising in her cheeks Angel just continued to grin.

"I promised Lindsey that I'd go into the office today. As you'll be busy shopping with Darla I thought it would be all right. You are still okay about going with Darla and not me?" Angel asked quietly. He wanted her to say no, he wanted to be the one to help her buy her new clothes but he quickly shut those selfish thoughts out of his head. Buffy needed her friends just as much as she needed him.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Buffy was having her own doubts about her planned afternoon with her so called *best* friend.

"Sure. Can't wait" Her false smile was frighteningly convincing and on accepting it, Angel started to walk away. As he passed her, Buffy reached out her hand and rested it lightly on his hand.

"Liam.. Just one thing. If you have the time, there's somewhere I have to go first"

*****

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Angel asked softly as Buffy lowered herself into the passenger's seat of the shiny black convertible. He had felt the trepidation radiating from her body all morning and it left him frustrated knowing there was nothing he could do but offer her support.

Dropping into his own seat, he watched from the corner of his eye as Buffy slowly pulled the taut seatbelt across her small chest and clicked it securely into place. With the slightest nod of her head she looked across and when their eyes met and held, her large hazel orbs reflected not only the deep sadness she carried but also an unexpected flash of determination.

"I have to face this. Until I see it for myself it will never be real"

Although she tried to sound strong, her small voice failed to hide the pain she was really feeling.

Reaching over, Angel squeezed Buffy's hand wanting to offer some measure of comfort and felt her fingers tremble. This time it wasn't passion that caused the reaction, this time it was grief.

Feeling utterly helpless and unable to bear the suffering he saw in her eyes, Angel started the car without another word and slowly pulled away from the driveway.

*****



Buffy knelt down in the soft, green grass and lovingly laid the bouquet of fresh yellow roses, she had clutched tightly in her hand ever since leaving the flower shop, down in the centre of the grave. For days now the smell of yellow roses had unexplainably haunted her senses. Every time she had turned around the delicate fragrance had awoken a thought deep inside her head, and now she finally understood why. Running her finger gently over the cold marble headstone, Buffy traced out the small letters of her mother's name and a new wave of pain she didn't know was possible crashed over heart.

Of all the memories she longed to remember, her mother's death was not one of them. And yet here she was, surrounded by gravestones on a beautiful Tuesday morning, and suddenly the pain returned as if it had only been a day since she buried the woman who had blessed her with life.

Buffy closed her eyes as flashes of her past broke into the darkness and pounded her head with the grief.

She could now remember the police officer knocking on the door and telling her that her mother had been killed, she saw Dawnie's young face hysterically screaming that it wasn't true. Buffy remembered every second of the funeral and how the rain had fallen that day as if the Gods in heaven shared her sorrow and in sending the rain, they cried the same tears.

As she plucked out a few stray tuffs of grass from the otherwise immaculate grave, Buffy felt tears burn in the back of her eyes. Focusing on the pale yellow flowers that her mother had loved so dearly, her vision blurred until she could no longer see anything. She could now only feel and what she felt broke her heart.

"Mommy" Her shaking fingers reached out and clenched the grass covering her beloved parent.

**Until I see it for myself it will never be real** Her earlier words returned and the sad truth was, it was real, the grave in front of her bearing witness to the fact. Buffy had no choice but to accept that even when her memories finally returned, she would never see her mother again.

Angel stood back from the graveside, not wishing to intrude on his wife's grief, but when he saw her shoulders buckle under the weight of her pain he moved quickly to her side..

"I miss her so much.. " Buffy's voice cracked, a sob catching in her throat, and the anguish that she felt was clearly evident on her face. She glanced desperately round the graveyard, looking everywhere but in his direction.

When she did finally turn towards Angel, her large hazel eyes were brimming with tears. This time there was no holding back. This time the tears had to fall.

In a heartbeat, Angel reached down and pulling her up from the grassy graveside, he wrapped her tightly in his arms. As the pain, loneliness and grief finally became too great to hold in, Buffy buried her head against his hard chest and cried.

Knowing there was nothing he could possibly say that would make a difference, Angel just held her, whispering meaningless words and rocking her gently in his arms.

**This is becoming a habit** He thought as the memory of their night together played over in his head

**But is holding the woman you adore in your arms and comforting her a habit you ever want to break?** He already knew the answer to that question. Although he hated seeing his wife so upset. He knew he would be happy to hold her in his arms for the rest of their lives.

As Buffy's petite body shook from the force of her sobs, Angel tightened his arms around her and encouraged her to cry all the pent up grief out of her heart once and for all.

For a while time seemed to stand still.

Finally, reluctantly, Buffy raised her head and when she looked Angel in the face, his dark eyes blazed with his concern for her.

Looking into her heartbroken eyes, Angel longed to kiss away her pain but he knew once again, that this was not the time or the place. Without saying a word, he reached out, grasping her hand gently in his and lead her away from the cemetery and back to the car.

******

"Come on I'll take you home" Angel spoke quietly as he opened the passenger door of their car.

"No, not home. I'm supposed to be meeting Darla this afternoon" Buffy took a deep breath and tried to pull herself back together.

Waiting until his wife was safely seated, Angel ran around the other side of the car and dropped down into his own seat.

"Buffy, maybe you should go shopping another day" He asked as he placed the car key in the ignition and fired the engine. Without looking up, Buffy shook her head.

"No, I'll be fine. Really. Besides, you said yesterday that Darla is taking time off work today to take me shopping, so I can't cancel on her now"

Not that Buffy wanted to cancel. After re-watching her wedding video more times then she could remember, she was quite looking forward to meeting Darla Penn. No matter how hard she tried Buffy couldn't shake the thought from her head that they were not the close friends that Angel had led her to believe. She didn't understand where this feeling of doubt was coming from, but she knew that she would only be able to get over it once she met the woman for herself.

Raising her arm, Buffy checked her watch and tried to swap the frown she was wearing into a smile. It was a good job Angel was driving and concentrating on the road, because she failed miserably.

" I have a few hours yet before I'm due to meet her, can you drop me off at my mother's - I mean, my Gallery, I'd really like to take a look around the place. Maybe if I can see where my mother worked all those years it might help trigger more of my memory"

Angel wasn't sure if it would work but he agreed just the same.

*****

Buffy gripped Angel's hand tighter as they walked towards the Joyce Summers art gallery on Main Street.

It was a small building and as she approached the front door, she hesitated.

"You don't have to go inside" Angel said and softly squeezed her fingers.

Buffy took a deep breath and nodded her head.

"Yes I do. If I want to find the past I have to look where it happened.

Seeing her determination, and knowing there was no changing her mind, Angel withdrew a small bunch of keys from his pocket and after turning the largest key in the lock, he pushed open the door. Walking inside the gallery, the small old-fashioned bell hanging over the doorway rang announcing their arrival. Once inside, Buffy turned her face up to see where the sound had come from and on noticing the small antique over the door, she smiled.

"I remember that bell" Her whole face came alive as another memory fell into place.

"You've been saying for years that you wanted to take it down and replace it, but you never did" Angel laughed.

Moving away from the door Buffy walked slowly around the displays.

"Has the gallery been closed for a long time" She asked running her finger down the small glass counter and watching a faint line appear in the thin layer of dust

"Anya kept it open for a few weeks but...."

"Anya?" Buffy interrupted. For a second the name seemed to register in her mind but just as quickly, it was gone.

"Anya Chase was the young woman that worked for you. You used to say she had a great head for business, although her public relations skills left a lot to be desired..." Angel laughed again as he remembered the small assistant and her aptitude for making a quick buck.

"So where is she now?" Buffy's eyes returned to the dust covering the galley and knew nobody had cleaned in weeks.

"I'm afraid she no longer works here, she quit, not long after..."Angel's voice trailed off unsure of how to continue. The day had been hard enough on Buffy as it was, it wasn't the time or the place to bring up the small fact that she'd run out on him three months earlier and to this day he still had no idea why. Closing the gallery hadn't been done out of spite, after his wife had disappeared, he was simply too worried and upset to care.

Walking across the room Buffy studied the many works of art hoping that something would jump out on her. It didn't. Turning around she caught Angel glancing at his watch.

"You promised Lindsey that you'd drop in at the office today, didn't you?"

Angel nodded

"I should really, it's only a couple of blocks away. Why don't you come with me, I could show you around..."

Noticing a small door that had the word office clearly written across it, Buffy shook her head.

"I think I'd like to stay here for a while," She said as she moved closer towards the office door. Something invisible almost pulling her.

Seeing her need to be alone, Angel reluctantly agreed.

"Why don't I call Darla from the office and tell her to pick you up from here?" He offered.

"Yeah, that would be better"

Without looking back Buffy nodded. As she opened the office door and walked slowly inside, she didn't even notice Angel leave the gallery.



****



Deeply engrossed with the gallery invoices, Buffy almost missed the small bell ring as the front door opened. Thinking that Liam had returned, or maybe the dreaded Darla was early, she placed the book she had been studying down on the desk and walked into the main room.

On seeing that it was neither Liam or Darla, she frowned, realising that she should have locked the door. The last thing she needed was for a customer to come in asking questions about a subject she was yet to remember.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid the galley is closed today" Buffy apologised as she walked from the office. On reaching the front desk she stopped.

He was tall, fair and incredibly good-looking. That was the first thing she noticed. Tight faded jeans sheathed his lean hips and a white T-shirt hugged his well-developed chest.

His eyes were bright blue, sparkling, with just a hint of mischief and when he looked directly at her, Buffy almost swore they devoured her every movement.

"I. Um...." She didn't get a chance to continue. With three long strides he had passed the counter and had swept her clean off her feet.

"Bloody hell.. I thought I was seeing a ghost for a minute" His hoarse voice brushed against her ear.

Buffy could no longer breathe as she was then crushed into his hard embrace.

"Dammit Buffy, I've been worried sick. Where the hell have you been for the last three months?"