Chapter 5 or UPS

Disclaimer--Idon'townthemortheWheelofTime. Mountain Dew is a good thing.

A/N: Sorry this one took so long--three days?!--to post. I've been working on my grand and epic fantasy novel (right) and just kinda threw it together. And so some certain people wouldn't kill me. Behold the power of the reviewer. Fear them.



---Where Demandred is---

The Cranes had beat the Tigers by a landslide, and our favorite Forsaken was not in a good mood. (Oh gee, YA THINK!?) Not to mention that his Gray Men had come back after once more being maimed by the particularly violent women that seemed to inhabit Randland.

"IDIOTS! BRAINLESS BLOCKS OF FUNGUS COVERED FESTERING CHEESE!!! (How does cheese fester you ask. Well don't. It's not pretty.) MORONS! MOLDY BREAD HAS MORE BRAINS THAN YOU THREE PUT TOGETHER! YOU BASTARD CATFISH'S!!"

"Uhhh sir---" Nannygoat began. He was now pink, due to a chemical imbalance that happened on contact with the poison ivy.

"SILENCE!!!!!!"

"Yes sir."

Demandred forced himself to take a looooooonnnnnggggg deep breath so as not to murder his cohorts, and actually felt better. Better enough to give his mentally challenged associates another chance.

"You will try again."

"Ya wanna pickle?"

"No you fool, I want the Dragon Reborn's head on a platter! And do something about that damnable pink!" the Forsaken roared. Nannygoat shrank back.

"Yes sir."

"GO!!"

--Sun Palace--

Rand was sitting in his throne room, reading a letter from Mat. Apparently some freaks dressed as Min and Co. came to his door and stole his take-out. Rand found this amusing except for the fact that he had yet to recieve one from Perrin and wondered if either the weirdos had succeded in kidnapping the former blacksmith or that crazy wife of his had booted them to the Blight.

He was more incline to believe that Faile had taken care of it.

That worried him greatly.

What if she found out he had sent them?

He'd better beef up security.

He was finishing the letter from Mat, when a knock on the door sounded.

"If it's those Aes Sedai that put me in the box, tell them fifty more lashes, dragged behind Lan's horse, laps around the palace till dawn, shine the buttons on all of my coats, and tell them to mop all the floors of the palace. With a toothbrush. Then I might consider calling it even."

"UPS."

"I didn't order anything."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"You didn't order anything?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

Five minutes passed, then another knock.

"UPS."

Rand glared at the door.

"Go away."

"I need a signature first."

"But I didn't order anything."

"Ya wanna pickle?"

"Silence you idiot!"

Rand sighed.

"Fine, I'll sign. Give me a minute."

"OH! He's going to open the door, do you have the platter?"

Rand shuddered and climbed out the window, over to the next room, and jumped in. Sulin and her spear-sister loked up at his arrival.

"I need a favor." Rand asked.

--Five minutes later--

The door to the throne room opened up slowly.

The Three Gray Men cheered, right until Sulin poked her head out.

"RUN FOR YOUR UNLIVES!!!" Nannygoat screamed and headed for the third floor, where a minute later the sounds of breaking glass could be heard.

Sulin shook her head and called Rand. "They take all the fun out of it."

"Yeah, oh yeah, don't bother fixing the window this time, and move the fertilizer pile, you know where."