Hard times are fallin' on you
Even when you smile
I see the hurt come through
And I know it feels like it's never gonna end
You say nothin's been right for a long time
And every step you take is an uphill climb
Chapter One: Revelations and Memories
Flashback
"Cordy, let's go outside and play jump rope." The ten year old's eyes shined with excitement. 'Cordy' flipped through the channels and put the remote down. "But it's really hot out today, and the last thing I need is to get burnt to a crisp by unwanted sun, Beth."
"I still don't know why you call me Beth, it makes me sound like a whole other person."
"Beth sounds better than Liz. It's all about first impressions. Take my name for example; Cordelia sounds elegant and classy but Cordy, sounds like a tomboy. When you say Liz...you think Lizard. When you say Beth you think-"
"Boring?" Liz finished for her with a smile. "Come on Cordy...don't turn into a girl on me. I know for a fact that you love playing jump rope. I mean unless you're afraid that I'll beat you or something-"
"Are you challenging me Liz?" Cordelia asked, grinning wildly. She showed off the white teeth that she had taken care of since she heard the word 'toothbrush'.
"You know me." Liz replied, twisting the jump rope in her hands. "So...?"
"So bring it on, Parker." Cordelia said, grabbing the rope from Liz's hands and running outside. She waited at the back door to glance at her cousin. "Well...come on! Grandma Claudia moves faster than you do!"
End Flashback.
"Sweet thing? Are you even listening?" Cordelia felt like she had been drugged and was being shooken to wake up. She massaged her forehead before looking at the speaker. "I'm sorry Lorne, I kind of...spaced out of there for a second. What were you saying?"
"I wasn't saying anything, I was singing. How you can space out during 'Over the Rainbow' is beyond me." Lorne picked his jacket up from the chair and stood. "Well this has been fun but I've got to go. It's 'buy one get one free' on drinks tonight at the club and I've got to make sure everything's in order." Lorne expected Cordelia to give him her usual smile, and goodbye wave, but when he didn't hear it he sat back down. "Are you ok?"
"Lorne...it's me, Cordelia," Cordelia replied with a little laugh, "I'm fine. Just thinking."
"Well whatever you're thinking about certainly has you distracted. Care to share?" Lorne leaned back into his chair, and tried to get comfortable. Cordelia picked up a framed photo and tilted her head, a small smile fluttering onto her face. She handed it to Lorne who looked over the two brunette girls. One was holding a jump rope, flashing a quick smile for the camera. The other was looking deeply towards the camera, her smile reaching her eyes and her arms on her hips.
"Cute, who's the one with the jump rope?" He asked, handing it back to Cordelia. She traced the faces with a finger before setting it next to stacks of papers on her desk. "That's Liz, my cousin. She's a few years younger than me, but we always seemed to connect. I told her everything, and we spent every summer together."
"How come we've never met her? Or does she not know about the whole 'working for a vampire' deal?"
"She doesn't know about vampires, period." Cordelia replied, a sad tone to her voice. "I was always different with Liz than anyone else. I mean, Angel's told you about how I was in high school right? The prom queen who ruled the school...whenever I was with Liz I was the exact opposite. I don't know. But you have to get to the club don't you?"
Lorne gave Cordelia a small smile. "How long since you've talked to her?"
"Before I came to L.A. Do you think I should call her?" Cordelia's eyes lightened up at the thought of getting to talk to Liz again. Lorne nodded. "Sure kitten, no harm in it." He stood up again, and reached for his jacket a second time. "You know, you're different. You seem alot nicer...I can't wait to meet this Liz."
The ringing of the phone interrupted Cordelia before she could reply. "Hold on Lorne." She said, wanting to thank him before he left. "Angel Investigations, we help the helpless." Her smile faded and she rolled her eyes. "I don't think we can help you get a date for your high school reunion pal...sorry." She hung up quickly and than turned back to Lorne. "I just wanted to say thank you is all."
"Anytime. Although, next time it will cost you." Lorne walked out of the Hyperion leaving Cordelia looking happier. She grabbed the phone and dialed the number she knew by heart. Angel owed her after all. Did he think those splitting headaches were free?
Cordelia nervously twisted the phone cord around her finger, her mind lost in the memories as the continuous ringing of the line echoed in her ears. She had really missed Liz and the last time they had talked, Liz seemed not there, really distracted. Cordelia, being herself, assumed that the reason for Liz's distracted nature was caused by a male, and even teased Liz about it, to which Liz had indignantly denied, but there had been a strain to Liz's voice. Before Cordelia could comment about it however, she heard a mysterious masculine voice in the background, and she heard the way Liz's voice seemed to sing sweetly to the other voice, and Cordelia had detected something she had never heard in Liz's voice before. Something she had constantly heard in Angel voice when he spoke of Buffy and vice versa.
It had been love, and Cordelia had never heard so much happiness in Liz's voice. However, Cordelia suspected that Liz had kept more from her than just the love of her life...something much deeper. Cordelia did not push because she knew they both had their own secrets. Secrets that were not meant to be revealed just yet, perhaps never.
Hi this is 745-3927 and you've reached...my voice.
Cordelia smiled when she heard Liz's laughter and heard the beep, she was about to leave a message when she heard the slam of the front door, signalling Angel and Doyle's return. They seemed to be arguing about something.
Doyle. Cordelia smiled at the thought of him. For a year she thought he had been dead, and mourned the loss of him. But she had been wrong. Doyle had never died. When he jumped onto the light, sacrificing himself, he was sent to Pylea, the home dimension of Lorne. A year later, when Cordelia was taken there, she found out from a fellow human, Fred, that an Irish man had been with her for a year too before he escaped. As soon as Angel came for her, she told him about Fred and her suspicians of Doyle. Luckily, Doyle had been hiding out close to where Fred's cave had been and had decided to come back to L.A. with Angel, Gunn, Wesley, and Cordelia. Not that he had a better choice of course.
"So what are you two fighting about now? And where's Wesley?" Cordelia stood to greet Doyle, and planted an affectionate kiss on his cheek.
"Doyle here, doesn't know how to read signals."
"Ah honestly, Angel, when you wave your hand for me to go right, at least wave it in the right direction." Doyle replied with a sigh.
"I was waving in the right direction, MY right. You almost got us both killed." Angel stated. He turned to Cordelia, "Wesley is currently at home resting up his arm, which was hit by an arrow thanks to Signal Boy here."
"Angel, Doyle...look at each other." Cordelia commanded, rubbing her forehead. They did as told, although they both glared at each other. "Do you see a dead person standing across from you, and Doyle yes or no works for you."
"We get the point, Cordy." Angel replied. He put the crossbow down on the floor and started for the stairs. "I'm going to go up and lay down for awhile."
"Tired, Angel?" Cordelia asked, picking up the crossbow and heading for the weapon's cabinet.
"No, just want to make sure I can still lay down after today."
"I'm sure you can." Cordelia replied as she walked over to Doyle with some bandages and treatment. "Don't forget to drink that cup of blood. Wouldn't want you going crazy and starting to drink other people's blood."
"I got it Cordy." Angel called as he started to make his way down the stairs. Cordelia tended to the wound on Doyle's face, and he winced away from the medicine.
"Hold still." She commanded and held his head in place with one of her arms.
"Ah Cordy, that stuff stings." Doyle complained. Angel called out to him, "Serves you right!"
"Boys!" Cordelia sighed agrivated, and the two dueling men looked down sheepishly, as if being scolded by their mother. It was a sight to see really, two ex-demons, grown and capable of using many deadly weapons being put in place by such a petite woman, seemingly weaker woman. "Angel go get some rest, and Doyle! Stay still...ahhh!"
Cordelia dropped the cloth she had in her hand, and started to clutch at her head, falling but never reaching the ground as Doyle's warm arms broke her fall. Angel came running back in, panicked.
Everything was a blur, the scene so undistinguishable. There was nothing, no voices, no sounds...nothing but silence. She felt overwhelming heartache, regret, guilt, but most of all a soul searing love. A flash of brown hair suddenly lit up the black and white scene. The scene became clearer and she saw countryside passing in a blur, heard crying in the background, a window, and in the window a petite brunette who felt oddly familiar. The scene shifted and she felt once again heartache, pain, guilt, and a sense of loss and confusion. This time she saw a grave, she couldn't make out the name, but it was a freshly buried grave. She saw a tree, two figures, and then the same grave, but a lone figure standing in the dark.
She let out a soundless scream, trying to warn the blonde. The blonde whirled around and grabbed the brunette's arm, the two struggle. She saw a flash of the knife once more, and a third figure not too far away, chanting. Suddenly a bright light engulfed the two struggling females, and when the light finally disappeared, the blade dropping to the ground, and the third figure, evil eyes and laughter, picked up the object.
Cordelia gasped and tears rolled freely down her cheeks. She opened her eyes slowly, as if expecting to see the evil eyes staring back at her. Instead she saw friendly green ones and she clung to Doyle. "Doyle." She cried. Angel was next to him, his eye filled with worry. "Cordy, are you ok?"
"It was horrible." She replied, remembering the vision. She shivered and hid her head in Doyle's neck. "I'm so sorry." He replied, shaking his head. Cordelia could sense the guilt radiating off of him. She looked into his eyes, "I can handle this Doyle, I'll be ok." She gave him a brave smile through her tears.
"Do you need something?" Angel asked, holding a glass of water in his hand. Cordelia took it appreciatively and gulped it down. "That was...so different from all my other visions Angel. I felt what she felt. She felt so sad, guilty, and confused. But I knew her...I think I knew her. She felt so familiar but I never saw her face really." Cordelia searched the vision for more that she could offer to Angel.
"I remember the country flying by. Not like country-country but California country. Near Sunnydale. Angel, and the girl was a brunette...she and a blonde were fighting. There was a knife too!" Cordelia reached for a pad of paper and a pen. When she pulled the picture of her and Liz came crashing to the floor along with all of Cordelia's paperwork.
"I'll clean it up," Doyle replied, already picking up the broken glass.
Angel nodded to Doyle and turned back to Cordelia concern pouring out from him in waves. Cordelia continued drawing, though conscious of the world around her, and she didn't look up when she scolded Angel.
"I said I was okay Angel. Please stop worrying."
But inside she wasn't okay, the visions kept coming back and the emotions were hurting her like they were her own. She sensed Doyle as he cleaned up the glass at her feet, and she felt Angel's eyes on her, but she kept drawing, trying to concentrate on the blade and not the evil eyes that were seeming to mock her. Her mind went to the two females, they had just disappeared. How could that be? No one could just disappear into thin air...okay they could, but something still didn't seem right about this. Added to all of that, her mind kept flashing to Liz, wondering how her little cousin was doing.
"Here." She handed the drawing to Angel. Doyle leaned around his shoulder to take a look at it too. "It doesn't look like something I've ever seen."
"It looks a like a normal dagger to me." Doyle said as he examined the beautiful etchings on the hilt of the knife.
"Maybe Wes has seen it before?" Angel suggested, and no sooner did he say that did he hear the front door open.
"Seen what before?" Wesley came in with Fred tending to him like a mother hen. Angel handed Wesley the picture, and Wesley grabbed it with his good arm.
"Hey Angel, how was Buffy?" Fred asked as she greeted Doyle and Cordelia with a smile.
Cordelia's vision flashed before her eyes, "OH MY GOD!!"
Everyone looked at Cordelia, and she looked straight at Angel when she exclaimed with no hesitation in her voice, "It was Buffy!"
Angel looked fearful and was about to say something when Fred suddenly spoke up, "Hey cool knife."
Everyone turned to her, and Fred noticed the silence. Looking up she asked, "What?"
A/N the song is Better Days by Faith Hill
Even when you smile
I see the hurt come through
And I know it feels like it's never gonna end
You say nothin's been right for a long time
And every step you take is an uphill climb
Chapter One: Revelations and Memories
Flashback
"Cordy, let's go outside and play jump rope." The ten year old's eyes shined with excitement. 'Cordy' flipped through the channels and put the remote down. "But it's really hot out today, and the last thing I need is to get burnt to a crisp by unwanted sun, Beth."
"I still don't know why you call me Beth, it makes me sound like a whole other person."
"Beth sounds better than Liz. It's all about first impressions. Take my name for example; Cordelia sounds elegant and classy but Cordy, sounds like a tomboy. When you say Liz...you think Lizard. When you say Beth you think-"
"Boring?" Liz finished for her with a smile. "Come on Cordy...don't turn into a girl on me. I know for a fact that you love playing jump rope. I mean unless you're afraid that I'll beat you or something-"
"Are you challenging me Liz?" Cordelia asked, grinning wildly. She showed off the white teeth that she had taken care of since she heard the word 'toothbrush'.
"You know me." Liz replied, twisting the jump rope in her hands. "So...?"
"So bring it on, Parker." Cordelia said, grabbing the rope from Liz's hands and running outside. She waited at the back door to glance at her cousin. "Well...come on! Grandma Claudia moves faster than you do!"
End Flashback.
"Sweet thing? Are you even listening?" Cordelia felt like she had been drugged and was being shooken to wake up. She massaged her forehead before looking at the speaker. "I'm sorry Lorne, I kind of...spaced out of there for a second. What were you saying?"
"I wasn't saying anything, I was singing. How you can space out during 'Over the Rainbow' is beyond me." Lorne picked his jacket up from the chair and stood. "Well this has been fun but I've got to go. It's 'buy one get one free' on drinks tonight at the club and I've got to make sure everything's in order." Lorne expected Cordelia to give him her usual smile, and goodbye wave, but when he didn't hear it he sat back down. "Are you ok?"
"Lorne...it's me, Cordelia," Cordelia replied with a little laugh, "I'm fine. Just thinking."
"Well whatever you're thinking about certainly has you distracted. Care to share?" Lorne leaned back into his chair, and tried to get comfortable. Cordelia picked up a framed photo and tilted her head, a small smile fluttering onto her face. She handed it to Lorne who looked over the two brunette girls. One was holding a jump rope, flashing a quick smile for the camera. The other was looking deeply towards the camera, her smile reaching her eyes and her arms on her hips.
"Cute, who's the one with the jump rope?" He asked, handing it back to Cordelia. She traced the faces with a finger before setting it next to stacks of papers on her desk. "That's Liz, my cousin. She's a few years younger than me, but we always seemed to connect. I told her everything, and we spent every summer together."
"How come we've never met her? Or does she not know about the whole 'working for a vampire' deal?"
"She doesn't know about vampires, period." Cordelia replied, a sad tone to her voice. "I was always different with Liz than anyone else. I mean, Angel's told you about how I was in high school right? The prom queen who ruled the school...whenever I was with Liz I was the exact opposite. I don't know. But you have to get to the club don't you?"
Lorne gave Cordelia a small smile. "How long since you've talked to her?"
"Before I came to L.A. Do you think I should call her?" Cordelia's eyes lightened up at the thought of getting to talk to Liz again. Lorne nodded. "Sure kitten, no harm in it." He stood up again, and reached for his jacket a second time. "You know, you're different. You seem alot nicer...I can't wait to meet this Liz."
The ringing of the phone interrupted Cordelia before she could reply. "Hold on Lorne." She said, wanting to thank him before he left. "Angel Investigations, we help the helpless." Her smile faded and she rolled her eyes. "I don't think we can help you get a date for your high school reunion pal...sorry." She hung up quickly and than turned back to Lorne. "I just wanted to say thank you is all."
"Anytime. Although, next time it will cost you." Lorne walked out of the Hyperion leaving Cordelia looking happier. She grabbed the phone and dialed the number she knew by heart. Angel owed her after all. Did he think those splitting headaches were free?
Cordelia nervously twisted the phone cord around her finger, her mind lost in the memories as the continuous ringing of the line echoed in her ears. She had really missed Liz and the last time they had talked, Liz seemed not there, really distracted. Cordelia, being herself, assumed that the reason for Liz's distracted nature was caused by a male, and even teased Liz about it, to which Liz had indignantly denied, but there had been a strain to Liz's voice. Before Cordelia could comment about it however, she heard a mysterious masculine voice in the background, and she heard the way Liz's voice seemed to sing sweetly to the other voice, and Cordelia had detected something she had never heard in Liz's voice before. Something she had constantly heard in Angel voice when he spoke of Buffy and vice versa.
It had been love, and Cordelia had never heard so much happiness in Liz's voice. However, Cordelia suspected that Liz had kept more from her than just the love of her life...something much deeper. Cordelia did not push because she knew they both had their own secrets. Secrets that were not meant to be revealed just yet, perhaps never.
Hi this is 745-3927 and you've reached...my voice.
Cordelia smiled when she heard Liz's laughter and heard the beep, she was about to leave a message when she heard the slam of the front door, signalling Angel and Doyle's return. They seemed to be arguing about something.
Doyle. Cordelia smiled at the thought of him. For a year she thought he had been dead, and mourned the loss of him. But she had been wrong. Doyle had never died. When he jumped onto the light, sacrificing himself, he was sent to Pylea, the home dimension of Lorne. A year later, when Cordelia was taken there, she found out from a fellow human, Fred, that an Irish man had been with her for a year too before he escaped. As soon as Angel came for her, she told him about Fred and her suspicians of Doyle. Luckily, Doyle had been hiding out close to where Fred's cave had been and had decided to come back to L.A. with Angel, Gunn, Wesley, and Cordelia. Not that he had a better choice of course.
"So what are you two fighting about now? And where's Wesley?" Cordelia stood to greet Doyle, and planted an affectionate kiss on his cheek.
"Doyle here, doesn't know how to read signals."
"Ah honestly, Angel, when you wave your hand for me to go right, at least wave it in the right direction." Doyle replied with a sigh.
"I was waving in the right direction, MY right. You almost got us both killed." Angel stated. He turned to Cordelia, "Wesley is currently at home resting up his arm, which was hit by an arrow thanks to Signal Boy here."
"Angel, Doyle...look at each other." Cordelia commanded, rubbing her forehead. They did as told, although they both glared at each other. "Do you see a dead person standing across from you, and Doyle yes or no works for you."
"We get the point, Cordy." Angel replied. He put the crossbow down on the floor and started for the stairs. "I'm going to go up and lay down for awhile."
"Tired, Angel?" Cordelia asked, picking up the crossbow and heading for the weapon's cabinet.
"No, just want to make sure I can still lay down after today."
"I'm sure you can." Cordelia replied as she walked over to Doyle with some bandages and treatment. "Don't forget to drink that cup of blood. Wouldn't want you going crazy and starting to drink other people's blood."
"I got it Cordy." Angel called as he started to make his way down the stairs. Cordelia tended to the wound on Doyle's face, and he winced away from the medicine.
"Hold still." She commanded and held his head in place with one of her arms.
"Ah Cordy, that stuff stings." Doyle complained. Angel called out to him, "Serves you right!"
"Boys!" Cordelia sighed agrivated, and the two dueling men looked down sheepishly, as if being scolded by their mother. It was a sight to see really, two ex-demons, grown and capable of using many deadly weapons being put in place by such a petite woman, seemingly weaker woman. "Angel go get some rest, and Doyle! Stay still...ahhh!"
Cordelia dropped the cloth she had in her hand, and started to clutch at her head, falling but never reaching the ground as Doyle's warm arms broke her fall. Angel came running back in, panicked.
Everything was a blur, the scene so undistinguishable. There was nothing, no voices, no sounds...nothing but silence. She felt overwhelming heartache, regret, guilt, but most of all a soul searing love. A flash of brown hair suddenly lit up the black and white scene. The scene became clearer and she saw countryside passing in a blur, heard crying in the background, a window, and in the window a petite brunette who felt oddly familiar. The scene shifted and she felt once again heartache, pain, guilt, and a sense of loss and confusion. This time she saw a grave, she couldn't make out the name, but it was a freshly buried grave. She saw a tree, two figures, and then the same grave, but a lone figure standing in the dark.
She let out a soundless scream, trying to warn the blonde. The blonde whirled around and grabbed the brunette's arm, the two struggle. She saw a flash of the knife once more, and a third figure not too far away, chanting. Suddenly a bright light engulfed the two struggling females, and when the light finally disappeared, the blade dropping to the ground, and the third figure, evil eyes and laughter, picked up the object.
Cordelia gasped and tears rolled freely down her cheeks. She opened her eyes slowly, as if expecting to see the evil eyes staring back at her. Instead she saw friendly green ones and she clung to Doyle. "Doyle." She cried. Angel was next to him, his eye filled with worry. "Cordy, are you ok?"
"It was horrible." She replied, remembering the vision. She shivered and hid her head in Doyle's neck. "I'm so sorry." He replied, shaking his head. Cordelia could sense the guilt radiating off of him. She looked into his eyes, "I can handle this Doyle, I'll be ok." She gave him a brave smile through her tears.
"Do you need something?" Angel asked, holding a glass of water in his hand. Cordelia took it appreciatively and gulped it down. "That was...so different from all my other visions Angel. I felt what she felt. She felt so sad, guilty, and confused. But I knew her...I think I knew her. She felt so familiar but I never saw her face really." Cordelia searched the vision for more that she could offer to Angel.
"I remember the country flying by. Not like country-country but California country. Near Sunnydale. Angel, and the girl was a brunette...she and a blonde were fighting. There was a knife too!" Cordelia reached for a pad of paper and a pen. When she pulled the picture of her and Liz came crashing to the floor along with all of Cordelia's paperwork.
"I'll clean it up," Doyle replied, already picking up the broken glass.
Angel nodded to Doyle and turned back to Cordelia concern pouring out from him in waves. Cordelia continued drawing, though conscious of the world around her, and she didn't look up when she scolded Angel.
"I said I was okay Angel. Please stop worrying."
But inside she wasn't okay, the visions kept coming back and the emotions were hurting her like they were her own. She sensed Doyle as he cleaned up the glass at her feet, and she felt Angel's eyes on her, but she kept drawing, trying to concentrate on the blade and not the evil eyes that were seeming to mock her. Her mind went to the two females, they had just disappeared. How could that be? No one could just disappear into thin air...okay they could, but something still didn't seem right about this. Added to all of that, her mind kept flashing to Liz, wondering how her little cousin was doing.
"Here." She handed the drawing to Angel. Doyle leaned around his shoulder to take a look at it too. "It doesn't look like something I've ever seen."
"It looks a like a normal dagger to me." Doyle said as he examined the beautiful etchings on the hilt of the knife.
"Maybe Wes has seen it before?" Angel suggested, and no sooner did he say that did he hear the front door open.
"Seen what before?" Wesley came in with Fred tending to him like a mother hen. Angel handed Wesley the picture, and Wesley grabbed it with his good arm.
"Hey Angel, how was Buffy?" Fred asked as she greeted Doyle and Cordelia with a smile.
Cordelia's vision flashed before her eyes, "OH MY GOD!!"
Everyone looked at Cordelia, and she looked straight at Angel when she exclaimed with no hesitation in her voice, "It was Buffy!"
Angel looked fearful and was about to say something when Fred suddenly spoke up, "Hey cool knife."
Everyone turned to her, and Fred noticed the silence. Looking up she asked, "What?"
A/N the song is Better Days by Faith Hill
