Ch.6: Face of Reality

I walked up to the door in the kitchen. I could smell pizza coming from inside. But I wasn't hungry. I had this bad feeling in my stomach. It was as if I had been punched there. I looked through the window that was on the door. I didn't see Grace. I was hoping that she was in the corner or someplace where I couldn't see her. I opened the door and walked in.

"Oh, hey. We ordered pizza." Rick said as he turned towards me. Grace wasn't there.

"Oh, okay." I said wondering where the hell my daughter was. "Where's Grace?" I asked, even though I had a good idea where she was.

"um, I don't know." Blurted Jessie. "You want me to check her room?"

"What, she's not here?" I asked, as I was shocked at the fact that Jessie would actually cover up for Grace. It's weird. The way they get along.

"I thought she said she was going to the library." Said Eli. Right then, I knew they were lying. Eli has never been good at covering up for people. Especially Grace.

"Look, why don't we just-." Began Rick.

"She's not at the library." I said as I threw down my purse and coat.

I walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I opened up Grace's door and took two steps in and then stopped. I eyed the room and guessed where I should start looking. And I knew what I was looking for. It was that damn book. She had been so damn secretive over it. Something was in it that she didn't want me to see.

I walked over to her dresser and opened up the top drawer. I began throwing her clothes onto the floor until the drawer was empty. Then I would move on to the next drawer. I heard Rick walk and stop outside of the door. But I kept my back to him. I had to find that book.

"Lil, come on out of there." He said.

"How could you let her leave." I said as I slammed the drawer shut.

"I didn't- I didn't let her do anything." He said as he slowly walked into the room.

"Well, she's gone. I'm sure she's with him." I said as I went over to her nightstand.

"I've been her for 10 minutes." He said as I dumped her top drawer from the nightstand onto her bed. "Lily, you don't want to be doing this."

"Yes I do. Cause I need to know the truth." I lifted up her bed and felt underneath. My hand hit something. I grabbed it and pulled it out. It was the book.

"What? What is it?" He asked as he looked over his shoulder and back at me. He took a few steps towards me.

"Oh my god." I said as I read the inscription.

"What are you doing. Get out of my room." Grace yelled as she made her way to the room.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"I can't believe your reading that. That's private."

"So I see."

"Give me back my book."

"We had an agreement Grace."

"We never promised, mom."

"You said you'd check with me before going out.

"I'm sorry mom, but I couldn't keep that promise. Actually, I'm not even sorry." She said as Rick left the room. She eyed the book and then looked back at me. "Mom, give me back my cook, please." I opened up the book and then I read the inscription outloud.

"[For the girl with the loveliest eyes.]"

"Mom, don't."

"[Love always, August.] So you call him August?"

"No, I don't."

"Grace, you'd better tell me the truth."

"I don't know what I call him."

"Why is he-." I slammed the book shut. "He shouldn't be writing you things like this."

"Why not. Why-." She began.

"Oh stop it Grace."

"Just please-."

"You know why not, Because it's wrong. All right."

"Please Mom, just give me back my book."

I stood their holding/looking at the book. And for some reason, I gave it to her. I can't believe I did that. Now, I don't regret that.

"And it's not [the loveliest eyes]." She said looking up at me. "It's [For the girl with the loneliest eyes]. You read it wrong." She turned and walked away.

Right then I knew that so much had gone on. But then again, so little. Rick had told me, later on that night, that there was going to be a meeting at the school. "August" was supposed to be there.

I tucked Zoe into bed. She asked me why Grace and me were arguing. I couldn't tell her and I couldn't lie to her. So I just told her to go to sleep. I kissed her on her forehead and brushed the hair out of her eyes. I kept thinking about my two little girls. There not so little anymore. They were growing up. And I didn't like that, it was too soon for me.

It was another night with little sleep and many thoughts running through my head. My stomach started to growl. I remembered that I didn't eat. So I went downstairs to the kitchen.