iyes, I know the html screwed up on one of the chapters, and no, i have no idea why. as I don't have microsoft word, I can't upload the chapter's from that. Maybe i'll get Kira to do it. Anyway, enjoy? And no lemon yet./i
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brbSevered 03/b
brbr
As he and Seishirou rode the elevator up, Subaru noted with some suspicion, his sister's absence.
brbr
Memories of a previous evening in Tokyo Tower alone with Seishirou floated to the surface of his mind as he stood in silence. However, they only brought with them despair over what he wanted but thought could never have.
brbr
Seishirou on the other hand, noting Hokuto's disappearance, began to feel slightly worried at what they might find when they stepped out of the elevator. His suspicions were confirmed a few moments later when they arrived and the doors slid apart to reveal the observation deck completely barren.
brbr
Subaru released a sigh. "Why am I not surprised...?"
brbr
Walking over to a large window, Seishirou replied with, "I'm not either actually."
brbr
Subaru followed the dark onmyouji and stood near him by the window. "Seishirou-san...", Subaru cleared his throat before continuing, "why did you hug me earlier? And... and ask me not to let go?"
brbr
Seishirou was a bit startled as he had not been expecting this iparticular/i question. But, now that it had been asked he realized that he did owe Subaru an answer to it. He heaved a slight sigh. Seishirou had never been one to articulate his feelings, he had never been one to deal with feelings iat all/i for that matter. He found the mere concept of this difficult.
brbr
However, as the Sakurazuka had made him aware of earlier, he had not honored his sister's dying wish to use his heart... to feel. Seishirou felt a twinge of guilt at this. He had deeply loved his sister, was in fact joyous that she was not truly dead, but the fact remained that after her death he had taken the selfish path and had hidden his emotions within the recesses of his heart.
brbr
The silence of the abandoned viewing platform crept between them as the minutes passed. Subaru was patient however. He had waited nine years for Seishirou to respond to him on isome/i emotional level, he felt that he could certainly wait a few more minutes.
brbr
Seishirou leaned against the railing that was in front of the glass on the observation deck, gazing out at the city. "Subaru-kun," he began, slight hesitation creeping into his voice, "when you severed our tie, I realized how dependant I had become on it. I found that I... missed it."
brbr
Subaru caught his breath. His right hand tightening its grip on the railing, turning the knuckles white. His heart began to flutter like a trapped butterfly. These were things he wanted to hear so badly, but now that he might be faced with the reality of them he was no longer so sure.
brbr
Seishirou turned his mismatched gold and white to Sumeragi emerald and held the gaze. These were things that he needed open between them, but that did not lessen the effort that it took for him to say them. "When I hugged you earlier, it was because I realized that I needed you."
brbr
"Seishirou-san..." Subaru's eyes had started to shimmer with the beginnings of tears, so he simply clenched them shut. His left hand began to tremble so he knotted it in the fabric of his coat.
brbr
Not one to give up, Seishirou simply continued. "I asked you not to let go because..." He paused to steel himself. He had never given Subaru the slightest bit of encouragement, or truth, and he reflected that his slight discomfort at admitting all of this was certainly adequate punishment. Seishirou opened his eyes, not knowing when he had closed them in the first place, and continued, "... because it felt so good, and I thought that you would leave. And you did."
brbr
Subaru lowered his head in the realization that he had hurt Seishirou.
brbr
"Why did you leave Subaru-kun?" Then he uttered a word that perhaps no one had heard since he was a small child pleading with his dying sister not to leave him: please. "Please tell me why."
brbr
"Gomen ne, Seishirou-san. I never wanted to hurt you." Subaru lifted his head to look at his counterpart. Seishirou gave him truth, Subaru knew; and he wanted to give it in return, but it was a truth that Subaru had not fully admitted to himself yet. "Its so hard, to know that you feel... that you care. About me. I wanted it for so long and so badly, but I had resigned myself that you never would... never could."
brbr
"You --" Subaru cleared his throat as his voice almost broke with emotion, but he controlled himself and managed to continue, "you were the hunter, and I was your prey." Seishirou winced, barely noticeable, at Subaru's reminder of this. "For a long time, I thought that was all there was and all there ever would be."
brbr
After some hesitation, Subaru decided to get to the heart of the matter: Seishirou's question. "I left because I was afraid," Subaru lowered his voice to almost a whisper as he continued, "... of letting myself love you."
brbr
"Even after you killed Hokuto, I still loved you; and I felt so guilty because of that. I didn't iwant/i to love you because you had killed her, and because you broke my heart, and then you left me alone... when that was the last thing I wanted."
brbr
Seishirou released a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. Subaru had just admitted that he loved him. He experienced immense relief at that thought, but it was quickly overtaken by guilt and despair at Subaru's other words. Seishirou's hands balled into fists at his sides. "I'm sorry Subaru-kun."
brbr
Subaru's head snapped up at those words. He had never expected Seishirou to apologize for what he had done, never would have entertained it as a possibility. He came to the conclusion that he might have to rethink just how much Seishirou felt for him.
brbr
But, like a breeze stirring the fires within him, Subaru felt a flash of anger. "How can you say that to me? You have no idea what I lost. You... you took everything from me!"
brbr
Seishirou just stared at Subaru for a long moment and watched as those emerald eyes rippled with emotion. Subaru had always been one to feel everything keenly, which made it all the more odd that he seemed to stir the same within Seishirou.
brbr
"I ido/i know." Subaru blinked back tears before they threatened to spill and stared at the older man in shock. "Do you think that you are the only one who has hidden from their pain, Subaru-kun? I came home from school one afternoon to find that my mother had shoved her fist through my sister's chest. Her dying request of me was that I always use my heart."
brbr
"But, I didn't do that did I? I locked away my feelings for years and then made the only other person that I loved experience the same pain of losing a sister. And why? Because iI/i was afraid. I was afraid of knowing what it meant to love you. I was afraid that you, with your Sumeragi purity, would leave me when you found out that I was the Sakurazukamori. I was afraid of being hurt iagain/i by someone that I loved."
brbr
Subaru could no longer control his tears, and they spilled freely in rivulets down his face. Seishirou reached over, putting a hand against Subaru's cheek, and used his thumb to wipe tears away. "I iam/i sorry... for everything."
brbr
The younger man grabbed the hand that was pressed against his face, turned his head and kissed the palm. "I know."
brbr
Seishirou took this as an invitation and leaned closer to Subaru, pinning him against the railing. Subaru's left arm slid up Seishirou's right until he had his hand on the other's neck, while his right reached behind himself and clutched at the railing. Seishirou leaned toward the Sumeragi, gently pressing against his lips, a request, to which Subaru acknowledged by bringing Seishirou closer to him with the hand around the other's neck.
brbr
Their first kiss was full of emotional tension, but they quickly relaxed into it. They stayed like that for a while, just kissing, each enjoying the feel of the other near him, taking pleasure in the experience, reveling in the warmth and safety that they gave one another.
brbr
After a few eternal minutes, they parted. Out of breath, their faces were flushed with passion.
brbr
* * * *
brbr
They stayed for hours it seemed, although it was only less than one. Seishirou stood behind Subaru and held him as they looked out onto the city together. "I suppose we should head home, it's getting late," he said with much regret. He was reluctant to let these moments end... they both were.
brbr
After pondering for a moment, Subaru finally replied. "Can I stay with you?"
brbr
Seishirou buried his face in the crook of Subaru's neck. "I was hoping you'd say that... but I don't expect you to --"
brbr
Subaru cut him off by turning around and putting a hand against Seishirou's cheek, "I know. It's just... I don't want to be away from you."
brbr
"Ok." Was all he said, then he leaned down to kiss Subaru again.
brbr
This time the kiss was filled with desperation as well as passion. They each wanted more, but neither were ready. For two who had been apart for so long, all the while desiring each other, to suddenly have the thing that they wanted was almost overwhelming.
brbr
The final conclusion of the kiss was a long time coming, but when it did, they walked out of the tower together.
brbr
* * * *
brbr
A nervous flush rose to Subaru's cheeks. He had only been to Seishirou's apartment once before, and that was earlier in the day; and even then, he hadn't stayed for very long.
brbr
Subaru took his coat and shoes off, walked over to the couch and sat down while Seishirou did the same. He just sat there with his hands pressed between his knees to keep them from shaking.
brbr
Seishirou walked over and ran light fingers through Subaru's hair. "Do you want to take the couch, or are you willing to share a bed with me?" he asked in slight amusement.
brbr
Subaru just smiled to himself, stood up and gave Seishirou a quick but firm kiss. "What do you think?" Seishirou just grinned, then he retreated into the bedroom leaving Subaru with the choice to follow him.
brbr
When he entered, a pair of black silken pajamas was dropped into his hands. "You can wear those, although I think they'll be a bit too big." Then he pointed to a partly closed door and said, "you can change in there."
brbr
Subaru, who was still a little nervous, nodded his thanks and retreated into the bathroom.
brbr
When the younger onmyouji was gone, Seishirou just grinned to himself. He was happy, he had every reason to be. The one he loved was here with him, his sister was still alive, and the Sakurazuka was being merciful and had decided to leave him alone for the evening.
brbr
Seishirou normally slept in a pair of flannel pants, nothing else, and that was what he changed into. It would be interesting to see Subaru's reaction at this.
brbr
Subaru emerged swimming in Seishirou's black silk. He had rolled up the sleeves and pant legs, which Seishirou thought looked adorable, so he said so. "You look adorable," he noted from his position in the bed.
brbr
If Subaru was apprehensive at all about the fact that Seishirou was not wearing a shirt, he didn't appear to be. He made his way over to the bed and climbed in next to Seishirou.
brbr
The only light in the room was provided by the city as it filtered through the closed blinds of a large picture window.
brbr
When Subaru was settled, Seishirou reached over and pulled Subaru over to him. Subaru tensed a little for a second and then relaxed when Seishirou kissed his hair.
brbr
"Aishiteru, Subaru-kun."
brbr
"I love you too," he replied. Then he lifted Seishirou's hand from his waist, kissed the back of it, and then put it back where it belonged: around himself.
br
brbSevered 03/b
brbr
As he and Seishirou rode the elevator up, Subaru noted with some suspicion, his sister's absence.
brbr
Memories of a previous evening in Tokyo Tower alone with Seishirou floated to the surface of his mind as he stood in silence. However, they only brought with them despair over what he wanted but thought could never have.
brbr
Seishirou on the other hand, noting Hokuto's disappearance, began to feel slightly worried at what they might find when they stepped out of the elevator. His suspicions were confirmed a few moments later when they arrived and the doors slid apart to reveal the observation deck completely barren.
brbr
Subaru released a sigh. "Why am I not surprised...?"
brbr
Walking over to a large window, Seishirou replied with, "I'm not either actually."
brbr
Subaru followed the dark onmyouji and stood near him by the window. "Seishirou-san...", Subaru cleared his throat before continuing, "why did you hug me earlier? And... and ask me not to let go?"
brbr
Seishirou was a bit startled as he had not been expecting this iparticular/i question. But, now that it had been asked he realized that he did owe Subaru an answer to it. He heaved a slight sigh. Seishirou had never been one to articulate his feelings, he had never been one to deal with feelings iat all/i for that matter. He found the mere concept of this difficult.
brbr
However, as the Sakurazuka had made him aware of earlier, he had not honored his sister's dying wish to use his heart... to feel. Seishirou felt a twinge of guilt at this. He had deeply loved his sister, was in fact joyous that she was not truly dead, but the fact remained that after her death he had taken the selfish path and had hidden his emotions within the recesses of his heart.
brbr
The silence of the abandoned viewing platform crept between them as the minutes passed. Subaru was patient however. He had waited nine years for Seishirou to respond to him on isome/i emotional level, he felt that he could certainly wait a few more minutes.
brbr
Seishirou leaned against the railing that was in front of the glass on the observation deck, gazing out at the city. "Subaru-kun," he began, slight hesitation creeping into his voice, "when you severed our tie, I realized how dependant I had become on it. I found that I... missed it."
brbr
Subaru caught his breath. His right hand tightening its grip on the railing, turning the knuckles white. His heart began to flutter like a trapped butterfly. These were things he wanted to hear so badly, but now that he might be faced with the reality of them he was no longer so sure.
brbr
Seishirou turned his mismatched gold and white to Sumeragi emerald and held the gaze. These were things that he needed open between them, but that did not lessen the effort that it took for him to say them. "When I hugged you earlier, it was because I realized that I needed you."
brbr
"Seishirou-san..." Subaru's eyes had started to shimmer with the beginnings of tears, so he simply clenched them shut. His left hand began to tremble so he knotted it in the fabric of his coat.
brbr
Not one to give up, Seishirou simply continued. "I asked you not to let go because..." He paused to steel himself. He had never given Subaru the slightest bit of encouragement, or truth, and he reflected that his slight discomfort at admitting all of this was certainly adequate punishment. Seishirou opened his eyes, not knowing when he had closed them in the first place, and continued, "... because it felt so good, and I thought that you would leave. And you did."
brbr
Subaru lowered his head in the realization that he had hurt Seishirou.
brbr
"Why did you leave Subaru-kun?" Then he uttered a word that perhaps no one had heard since he was a small child pleading with his dying sister not to leave him: please. "Please tell me why."
brbr
"Gomen ne, Seishirou-san. I never wanted to hurt you." Subaru lifted his head to look at his counterpart. Seishirou gave him truth, Subaru knew; and he wanted to give it in return, but it was a truth that Subaru had not fully admitted to himself yet. "Its so hard, to know that you feel... that you care. About me. I wanted it for so long and so badly, but I had resigned myself that you never would... never could."
brbr
"You --" Subaru cleared his throat as his voice almost broke with emotion, but he controlled himself and managed to continue, "you were the hunter, and I was your prey." Seishirou winced, barely noticeable, at Subaru's reminder of this. "For a long time, I thought that was all there was and all there ever would be."
brbr
After some hesitation, Subaru decided to get to the heart of the matter: Seishirou's question. "I left because I was afraid," Subaru lowered his voice to almost a whisper as he continued, "... of letting myself love you."
brbr
"Even after you killed Hokuto, I still loved you; and I felt so guilty because of that. I didn't iwant/i to love you because you had killed her, and because you broke my heart, and then you left me alone... when that was the last thing I wanted."
brbr
Seishirou released a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. Subaru had just admitted that he loved him. He experienced immense relief at that thought, but it was quickly overtaken by guilt and despair at Subaru's other words. Seishirou's hands balled into fists at his sides. "I'm sorry Subaru-kun."
brbr
Subaru's head snapped up at those words. He had never expected Seishirou to apologize for what he had done, never would have entertained it as a possibility. He came to the conclusion that he might have to rethink just how much Seishirou felt for him.
brbr
But, like a breeze stirring the fires within him, Subaru felt a flash of anger. "How can you say that to me? You have no idea what I lost. You... you took everything from me!"
brbr
Seishirou just stared at Subaru for a long moment and watched as those emerald eyes rippled with emotion. Subaru had always been one to feel everything keenly, which made it all the more odd that he seemed to stir the same within Seishirou.
brbr
"I ido/i know." Subaru blinked back tears before they threatened to spill and stared at the older man in shock. "Do you think that you are the only one who has hidden from their pain, Subaru-kun? I came home from school one afternoon to find that my mother had shoved her fist through my sister's chest. Her dying request of me was that I always use my heart."
brbr
"But, I didn't do that did I? I locked away my feelings for years and then made the only other person that I loved experience the same pain of losing a sister. And why? Because iI/i was afraid. I was afraid of knowing what it meant to love you. I was afraid that you, with your Sumeragi purity, would leave me when you found out that I was the Sakurazukamori. I was afraid of being hurt iagain/i by someone that I loved."
brbr
Subaru could no longer control his tears, and they spilled freely in rivulets down his face. Seishirou reached over, putting a hand against Subaru's cheek, and used his thumb to wipe tears away. "I iam/i sorry... for everything."
brbr
The younger man grabbed the hand that was pressed against his face, turned his head and kissed the palm. "I know."
brbr
Seishirou took this as an invitation and leaned closer to Subaru, pinning him against the railing. Subaru's left arm slid up Seishirou's right until he had his hand on the other's neck, while his right reached behind himself and clutched at the railing. Seishirou leaned toward the Sumeragi, gently pressing against his lips, a request, to which Subaru acknowledged by bringing Seishirou closer to him with the hand around the other's neck.
brbr
Their first kiss was full of emotional tension, but they quickly relaxed into it. They stayed like that for a while, just kissing, each enjoying the feel of the other near him, taking pleasure in the experience, reveling in the warmth and safety that they gave one another.
brbr
After a few eternal minutes, they parted. Out of breath, their faces were flushed with passion.
brbr
* * * *
brbr
They stayed for hours it seemed, although it was only less than one. Seishirou stood behind Subaru and held him as they looked out onto the city together. "I suppose we should head home, it's getting late," he said with much regret. He was reluctant to let these moments end... they both were.
brbr
After pondering for a moment, Subaru finally replied. "Can I stay with you?"
brbr
Seishirou buried his face in the crook of Subaru's neck. "I was hoping you'd say that... but I don't expect you to --"
brbr
Subaru cut him off by turning around and putting a hand against Seishirou's cheek, "I know. It's just... I don't want to be away from you."
brbr
"Ok." Was all he said, then he leaned down to kiss Subaru again.
brbr
This time the kiss was filled with desperation as well as passion. They each wanted more, but neither were ready. For two who had been apart for so long, all the while desiring each other, to suddenly have the thing that they wanted was almost overwhelming.
brbr
The final conclusion of the kiss was a long time coming, but when it did, they walked out of the tower together.
brbr
* * * *
brbr
A nervous flush rose to Subaru's cheeks. He had only been to Seishirou's apartment once before, and that was earlier in the day; and even then, he hadn't stayed for very long.
brbr
Subaru took his coat and shoes off, walked over to the couch and sat down while Seishirou did the same. He just sat there with his hands pressed between his knees to keep them from shaking.
brbr
Seishirou walked over and ran light fingers through Subaru's hair. "Do you want to take the couch, or are you willing to share a bed with me?" he asked in slight amusement.
brbr
Subaru just smiled to himself, stood up and gave Seishirou a quick but firm kiss. "What do you think?" Seishirou just grinned, then he retreated into the bedroom leaving Subaru with the choice to follow him.
brbr
When he entered, a pair of black silken pajamas was dropped into his hands. "You can wear those, although I think they'll be a bit too big." Then he pointed to a partly closed door and said, "you can change in there."
brbr
Subaru, who was still a little nervous, nodded his thanks and retreated into the bathroom.
brbr
When the younger onmyouji was gone, Seishirou just grinned to himself. He was happy, he had every reason to be. The one he loved was here with him, his sister was still alive, and the Sakurazuka was being merciful and had decided to leave him alone for the evening.
brbr
Seishirou normally slept in a pair of flannel pants, nothing else, and that was what he changed into. It would be interesting to see Subaru's reaction at this.
brbr
Subaru emerged swimming in Seishirou's black silk. He had rolled up the sleeves and pant legs, which Seishirou thought looked adorable, so he said so. "You look adorable," he noted from his position in the bed.
brbr
If Subaru was apprehensive at all about the fact that Seishirou was not wearing a shirt, he didn't appear to be. He made his way over to the bed and climbed in next to Seishirou.
brbr
The only light in the room was provided by the city as it filtered through the closed blinds of a large picture window.
brbr
When Subaru was settled, Seishirou reached over and pulled Subaru over to him. Subaru tensed a little for a second and then relaxed when Seishirou kissed his hair.
brbr
"Aishiteru, Subaru-kun."
brbr
"I love you too," he replied. Then he lifted Seishirou's hand from his waist, kissed the back of it, and then put it back where it belonged: around himself.
