"Hope, Courage, Friendship and a Fat Squirrel" by Luke's Dragon

Disclaimer

It's not mine, and it never will be.

Part II When You Can't Believe in Yourself

~~~

TK laid in his bed, his face buried in his pillow and he cried, tears soaking his pillow as he cursed his own weakness, he had let Davis kiss him, and what was worse, he had enjoyed it too. Of course he had enjoyed it; it had been all that he had wanted for as long as he could remember. Hell he wanted far more than a stolen kiss; he wanted him and Davis to be together, a real relationship the first real relationship he had ever had. Damn it all what was he saying? It was wrong, wrong, wrong he couldn't be in love with Davis, Davis was a guy, and he was a guy so they couldn't, shouldn't have done anything. Besides there was no way he ever wanted to get close to anyone, falling in love, needing someone those were surefire ways to get hurt. TK wished so much that he had someone to talk to, but Matt and Kari, the only two people he trusted would be busy tonight, and not want to talk to him and as for Davis, his best friend that was a non-starter. Just like when his parents had split up, and taken Matt away from him he felt so alone, that no one in the whole world wanted him or cared about him at all. No, he thought that wasn't true, Davis wanted him but wasn't that just perfect the one person he didn't want to care about him was the only person who did. Just like when he was a little child TK cried himself to sleep, wishing that things were so much better.

***

Davis also sat alone in his room, he was not crying but he felt like it would help. Had he made an awful mistake when he had kissed TK? No, he had felt something there between them, hell more than something there had been sparks, fire, passion but then TK had just ran from him. Davis was confused, he was more hurt than confused really but that wasn't really fair was it, surely TK would have had some reason for acting like he had done, if only Davis knew it. He considered ringing TK up and trying to talk to him but decided that this would require tact, a quality that he was fully aware he did not possess. He'd also thought about calling Tai, his mentor of such to ask for his advice but he had ruled against this since he thought TK would not appreciate anyone else knowing about this with the way he had reacted. Davis was confused, he didn't like not knowing what to do, and worse he didn't like the only thing he could do to be waiting, he wanted to do something to make TK realize how much he cared about him, even if TK didn't feel the same way about him. But he was sure the feeling was mutual he had looked right into his friend's eyes as they kissed and seem the emotion in his eyes, but there had to be something, some reason that TK had acted the way he had done.

***

As he woke up the next morning TK felt as if he had no tears left to cry, but he still felt numb he still felt as if the whole world hated him. He didn't know quite what he was thinking, fear perhaps the fear that he was so weak that he needed someone. That had always been the case, he had always needed someone to comfort and protect him, his mother, Matt, Kari or Patamon and now Davis. He hated himself for being so weak and pathetic, he had always been such a crybaby. Why someone as lively, as wonderful as so damn sexy as Dai would ever want to be with such a pitiful specimen such as him was totally beyond TK. The only thing he could think of was that Davis would only be with him to hurt him, to make him cry again just like he had always done. Maybe that was the reason Davis had kissed him last night, so that he could tell the world that TK was gay, so that everyone would hate him even more. TK started to cry again, today was Friday, which meant he had to face school and Davis again. He didn't know what he was going to do if he saw Davis, he didn't think he could face it. TK didn't know what he was going to, probably cry, he thought to himself, that's always been my answer for everything. Anything ever happens and cry baby TK just bursts into tears. He gave an involuntary shiver of dread as he heard a knock at the door, glancing at the clock he saw it was a quarter past eight, which meant, just like everyday Kari would be calling for him on her way to school. And just like every day in less than twenty minutes Davis would join them, and then TK would have to face him. Wiping the tears from his eyes TK went to answer the door, still half considering pretending to be sick. Shame Kari would know he was lying, then she'd try and find out what was really wrong. Knowing how weak he was TK knew he'd either burst into tears again, or worse still tell her what happened. As he opened the door and saw Kari's happy smile he wished, not for the first time that he was as strong as Matt. Matt would handle this so much better, he'd always looked up to his big brother but not even he could help him now. TK locked the front door and with a heavy heart walked out to meet his destiny.

***

Not too far away Davis was also filled with a building feeling of fear, although not as muddled or full of self-loathing as TK he was still not sure exactly what he was going to do when he met his friend. Hell would he even still be friends with TK after everything. Knowing him, TK would probably either be deathly silent, or pretend nothing was wrong. He just wished that TK would talk to him, as much as Davis hated relying on words he thought that just maybe if he could get out how he felt it would help TK feel a little more confident. If this plan failed Davis wasn't sure he had a back-up plan, possibly racing headlong into a dangerous situation would help. But this was school on a Friday in the early summer not the Digital World, life and death situations were mainly limited to chemistry class, and Davis only had that on Monday and Wednesdays.

Davis arrived at the wall he always met Kari and TK at; everyday they would be there waiting for him but not today. I wonder if he's even coming at all it wouldn't be unthinkable that he'd just not turn up. Don't know what he thinks that'll achieve we have to meet up again sometime. Davis waited until he glanced down at his watch and noticed he only had two minutes to do a five-minute sprint if he wanted to avoid yet another detention for being late. He almost succeeded too.

***

TK had managed to persuade Kari to leave him behind and give him a little time to 'sort his head out', she had no idea what was going on in his head but let him go anyway. TK waited for her to be out of sight and walked the opposite direction to the school, he had no intention of going today even without the fact he couldn't face the thought of seeing Davis today, or anytime in the near future for that matter.

The more he though about things the more confused he seemed to be getting, as far as he could tell he seemed to have three personalities all arguing inside his head. Firstly there was the homophobic one who sounded suspiciously like his father, telling him that any feelings towards Davis, or any guy for that matter were evil and corrupt. He shrugged this voice off maybe there were people who thought like that but he sure as hell wasn't one of them. All he knew was that kiss with Davis was the most passionate experience he had ever experienced and if that made him a queer or what ever other names people would throw at him then so be it. For the first time that day TK smiled, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, he just wished the other voice were so easy to banish. This was the voice that had plagued him and indeed his brother too ever since they were both little. This was the voice which said 'if you ever get close to anyone, you'll end up getting hurt' the one that told him everyone he had ever loved abandoned him at some time and falling in love would be the very worst thing that he could do. And as for the third voice, that was a quiet little one hiding at the back of his head somewhere, it sounded a bit like Patamon, and was the voice of an eight year old boy who had once believed in his crest of hope. It was just a shame he never listened to it.

TK had walked for most of the morning, the humidity was starting to get to him he had thought about going to Matt's apartment and seeking his brother's advice, but he wasn't sure what he'd say. Something like I'm gay and I'm in love with Davis' although summing up his situation wouldn't be easy to say. He knew full well that Matt had no problem with his best friend, Tai's sexuality but still he was a little frightened. Eventually he had ruled against going to talk to Matt, since he thought that all he would get at best would be advice. He didn't want advice he wanted to find some sort of peace and an end to the total despair and confusion he was feeling. From somewhere deep inside he thought he heard a frightened little voice telling him that what he really wanted was not to be alone and afraid any more. The world felt a cruel place indeed as TK walked onwards feeling as if the weather was about to break.

***

The morning at school passed painfully slowly for Davis, he was so distracted wondering where TK had gotten to that he couldn't even concentrate at his soccer match in PE. He'd tried finding Kari to see what had happened on the way to school, but had been unable to locate her until lunchtime. Kari as usual was with a large group of girls about her age that, as far as Davis could work out, seemed to spend every break discussing girl things like boys, kittens and shopping. Whatever, he felt a little nervous walking up to the group since they were laughing about something, hopefully not him. That's stupid, why would they be laughing about me? Unless TK said something, no he wouldn't have done that. Damn it Davis pull yourself together. He walked over to the group, who appeared to be lost in the study of some photos, tapped Kari on the shoulder, starling her into giving a little shriek of surprise.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you"

"What do you want?" It was strange but every time Kari was with her friends she seemed to be a totally different person. Not that strange though, I suppose I'm different around my soccer team than when I'm with TK.

"Where's TK gotten to?"

"I don't know, he didn't come to school, something about clearing his head"

"Oh, thanks Kari"

"Did you two have a fight or something?"

"I'm not sure, that's why I want to find him". As he left Davis noticed that the girls were looking at photos of what looked a little bit like a rabbit, but more like a squirrel being held by a boy with blue eyes and blonde hair. Had he been looking a little closer he might have noticed that the boy was wearing an unusual gold ring on his right hand.

***

For all his faults Davis did not like skipping school, he had been in enough trouble lately without this as well, but he reasoned something's are worth anything. He just hoped TK felt the same way as he did. He wasn't sure where to start looking, and he was equally unsure what he'd do or say if he found TK. plan number one was probably kiss him again, true it hadn't been as effective as he'd have liked last time, but it had felt damn good. Davis hoped that TK had felt that way too, no forget that he knew that TK had felt something, the look in his friend's eyes had been real. Davis smiled as he walked onwards, now all he needed to do was convince TK of this and everything would be all right.

Davis headed away from school, and away from the main town center, knowing TK he would want to be alone somewhere. After walking for nearly twenty minutes Davis was sweating and starting to feel a little tired, the heat and humidity of the warm summer afternoon was starting to really get to him. Deciding that collapsing due to heat stroke would not help TK he opted to take a break. Happily he was near one of the few local beauty spots, a park with a small river running through it. Davis knew it quite well, he had played soccer here on numerous occasions walking down to the bank of the river he led back to rest a while. Davis was considering the merits of tanning himself in the sun for the rest of the afternoon when he felt a few drops of rain splashing onto his cheeks. Feeling that slight tingling sensation that comes just before a storm breaks he stood up and looked around for cover. He was half way to the sanctuary of the car park when he notice a boy with a daft looking hat stood underneath a tree about a hundred meters or so to the left of him. He called TK's name out loud and was relived to see the boy look round at him as the rain started to come down in sheets of water. Since TK was making no effort to move towards him, and he was starting to get extremely wet he started running towards his friend. Seven seconds and sixty five meters later a bolt of lightning struck the heart of the tree TK was standing under splitting it in two and sending two flaming logs crashing into the ground below.

***

Davis: Is that what is called a dramatic ending?

Matt: Yep like that bit about the ring it's supposed to build up tension and make people want to read the next part

Davis: Ah Ha! You gave away there was going to be a next part this time

Matt: …

Davis: Anyway what's all this about a ring, aren't you and Kari too young to get married?

Matt: You'll just have too wait until Part III

Davis: I'd better get some serious Takeru action after waiting so long…