DISCLAIMER: I don't own Conker. Rare does. Man, if I only did own it…then I would be really rich!

CHAPTER 4: Hunt-ator.

Tekna sits angry on his futuristic looking chair. In his hands, he holds a bottle of nitroglycerine, and drinks it. He burps, and fire shoots from his nose. ,,That  you can drink that stuff. If I would try that, I would turn into a pile of  ashes!" Says Berri, disgusted by the dragon and his favourite drink. ,,SHUT UP!!!" Yells Tekna, and he stands up. Berri falls over  by the looks of the mighty dragon, that now looks like it's 3 times bigger than Berri. ,,YOU SHOULD HAVE FORCED THE CODE OUT OF HIM!!! THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO GET INTO THE VAULT! AND NOW HE KNOWS THE SECRET OF MY MUTAGEN, SO HE WILL DESTROY IT!!!!" Yells Tenka, and little flames come out of his mouth. ,,Wow, easy, lizardbreath! I thought you said that dragons can't breathe flames." Tenka "shrinks" to normal size, and he says with a big smile: ,, It's because of the nitro. Impressive, huh?" ,,Whatever. But what are your plans now?" Asks Berri. Tenka laughs, and then, the door of the lab opens. In walks the mob boss, but when he sees Berri, he looks frightened. ,,O, shit." ,,YOU!!! YOU FUCKING MOTHER*****!!!! I WILL RIP THAT HEAD OF YOURS AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, SHOOTING ME!?! AND NEVER, EVER CALL ME DOLLFACE AGAIN!!!" Yells Berri, and she pulls out her machineguns. She wants to fire it, but Tenka's tail grabs the guns and throws them away. ,,Easy, Berri. He is here to help me. Eal Wapone, do you have received my blueprints?" ,,Yeah, I have them. And thanks to the crashed spaceship, my people have  build it. Now, we can talk about the money. 1 million dollars. In cash, no cheques." ,,WHAT!?! Alright. How about 1 million bullets, you asshole?" Says Berri, and she pulls out a pistol. Tenka gives a threatening look at her, and he says to Eal Wapone: ,,I know something better. When it is launched and I have destroyed the bank, you can have all the money in the main underground vault, and I will give you the command over all of mine weapon industries." ,,Wow. Alright, you got yourself a deal. But I only want the money and a safe place to hide in your 'Mutant Wars'." Says Eal Wapone greedily. Tenka nods, and he says happily: ,,Good. Then we will move all this to the launch platform on the island. I only hope that  they won't have discovered it in the ruins of the Tediz Island." ,,Whatever. I just want to leave this place. I need some fresh air, not this stinking air." Says Berri angrily. Tenka smiles, and then laughs, a long and maniacal laugh. ,,Men, what's up with those evil monsters and their stupid laughs? O, well. At least they pay good." Says Eal Wapone, while exiting the place.

,,KING!!! KING!!! WE HAVE DISCOVERED ACTIVITY ON TEDIZ ISLAND!!!" Yells Franky, while jumping to Conker in the throne room. ,,What? O, my giddy aunt! This may be it! I bet my tails for it that Tenka is behind this! Organise an attack force! Who knows what he is planning!!!" ,,Right, Conker! We will leave in an hour!" Says Rodent, and he walks away.

The sergeant, 10 well- armed squirrel soldiers, Conker and 5 weasel guerillas stand in a armoured carrierboat. They load their weapons, and the captain yells: ,,TEDIZ ISLAND, DEAD AHEAD!!! But it looks like no-one is there. But I can see the ruins of the fortress…o, my god!" ,,What, captain!" ,,It looks like a launch platform, with some kind of spaceship, King! But I don't see forces!" ,,That Tekna wants to go into space? Good, then he can join his teacher in space!" Says Conker, and he grabs his shotgun. Within a few minutes, they have reached the island. The hatch opens, and they jump out.

A green armoured imp runs to Tenka, and he peeps loudly. ,,Well, well, well. Looks like an attack force has landed on the island. Eal Wapone, prepare the launch sequence. And don't worry about our playmates, because they will find an ugly surprise in the jungle…" Tenka laughs softly, and he prepares himself for the launch.

Conker and his troops quietly sneak trough the jungle, and the sergeant says: ,,Listen! I haven't heard such a sound since the last war." They listen closely, and hear some mumbling. They follow the sound, and then find a camp with Tediz. ,,Hold it! They were all wiped out in that explosion! How is this possible!" Says a squirrel soldier frightened. ,,Yeah. But with that dragon, nothing surprises me anymore. Sarge, you have some grenades?" ,,Of course! Let's blow those Tediz ***** sky high! Those stupid shitheads!" He says happily, but then all the Tediz got sliced, and a red alert goes off. ,,What the fuck? We didn't do anything!" Says Conker suprised, but then a truck rolls to a dynamite storage, and the camp blows up. When the smoke has cleared, every Tedi is dead. ,,Let's take a closer look. I want to know what's going on." Says Conker, and he grabs his machineguns.

They walk to the camp, but what they don't notice, is that the weasel soldiers disappear, one by one. ,,Strange. Hey, where are the weasels?" The Sarge asks surprised. And then, a soldier gets shot by a plasma blast, and he explodes, scattering blood and organs everywhere. ,,Ah, great. Not another movie monster!" Says Conker annoyed, and then a cloaked figure jumps from the bushes. They start firing, and the Sarge grabs an 9 mm mini gun and starts firing everywhere. ,,DIE, YOU MOTHER*****!!!!" They stop firing for a minute, but then a soldiers head gets pierced by 2 blades. The blades pull trough his head, and the parts from his head fly everywhere. Now the monster makes his entrance. His cloaking device goes up, and a Predator like being can be seen, only this one has a skull helmet, guns on both of his shoulders, and a green skin, and large legs and arms with long blades on his hands. The creature screams, and Conker yells: ,,RUN!!!!" They start running, but the soldiers all get sliced or shot, and within a few second there is blood and organs everywhere.

The Sarge and Conker stands there afraid, while firing. ,,How do we defeat this monster?" Asks the Sarge afraid. Conker thinks, and he says: ,,I can only think about one thing: RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES!!!" Then, they start running as they never run before, while the monster pursues them.

They jump over ridges, trees and rocks, while the monster climbs trough the trees. After a while, they come to a broken jeep. ,,Come on!" Yells Conker, and they jump behind it, and then start firing at the shadows in the tree, knowing that every shadow is a hideout for the monster. ,,Hey, watch out with those guns, okay?" They turn their heads, and see Berri in camo- gear that fires with a bazooka at the trees. ,,Berri? What are you doin' here?" ,,I said to Tenka that I would go away to get some fresh air, but I wanted to check on you guys. I was the one that send you that tip, and I got worried when I heard of his little Frankenstein Experiment, a super Huntator. I you ask me, he watched to many movies." ,,O.K., but why are you helping us? I thought you hated me." Asks Conker suspicious. Berri ducks to dodge a plasmashot, and then says: ,,Because this is his first Mutant: he used the most important ingredient of the Mutant Gene and then mixed it with a lizard. But without the proper stabilising, it would even kill the Tediz Guards. And you're my only chance to discover more of his intentions." ,,Say, do you know his weak spot?" Asks the Sarge, and Berri says: ,,Yeah. He ha a huge weakness for many, but I don't have any money with me." The Sarge looks at Conker, and Conker asks: ,,What? O, wait, I'm not sacrificing my million dollars! You know what kind of trouble I went trough to collect them on my bad fur day?" Berri aims her bazooka at Conker, and he quickly says: ,,Alright, I'm doing it, I'm doing it!" Conker jumps over the jeep, uses his helicoptery tail thing, and throws his money away.

As soon as the Huntator comes close, the money yells: ,,HEY, WE'RE OVER HERE, SHIT HEAD!!!" The Huntator grabs the money, and starts counting it. Conker grabs his machineguns, and runs towards it. Conker aims the Uzis, and starts firing with al his bullets at the monsters head. The beast howls, and then falls to the ground. Conker walks to it, and puts of his helmet. Conker gasps in horror by the ugly face. ,,What is it, Conker? A pig?" ,,Or, like, a lizard?"  Conker turns around, and he says: ,,Worse. It's a...LAWYER!!!" They scream in horror, and the hunt-ator stands up. ,,Yes, sir. I love money. And I'm going to sue you, and I already know the perfect punishment for disturbance of the law."  He laughs, and it presses a big red button on his left wrist with 'Don't ever press this you mother****!' on it. ,,WARNING!!! SELFDESTRUCT IN ONE SECOND!!!" ,,Ah, gimme a break!!!" Says Conker, while he runs away with the others.

Within a second, a explosion wipes out the area, while they are running as heard as they can to stay ahead. After a while, they reach the launch platform. ,,Alright, I will help you get in. But you need to hurry: Tenka will launch it within one minute!" Warns Berri, and Conker says: ,,Thanks, Berri. Come on, Sarge!" Then, they quickly run away, trough the entrance door. Berri snickers, and she says: ,,Farewell, suckers!!!"

CHAPTER 5: METAL FEAR FURRY

After a while, they reach a metal door, which is to big for the Sarge. ,,Ah, crap this shit! Looks like you're on your own from now own, king!" ,,Damn! I knew something like this would happen!" Says Conker angrily. ,,I will help you over radio, kid. I'm going back to the boat and ask for assistance. Good luck." ,,Yeah. I will do this. I'm gonna find out what his plans are." Says Conker, while the Sarge returns. He sneaks in trough the door, and comes in a lockers room. ,,Well, well. Looks like I can swift my clothing. And hey…there's a nice one!" Conker walks towards a box, and grabs from it a rubber, black suit with a bleu jacket. Conker pulls it on, and grabs his shotgun. Then he puts on a bandana, and he says: ,,Yeah, let's do this. Ho, hold it, hold it! Whose **** idea was it to give me this bandana? It's already a humilitaion that this is a parody from Metal Gear Solid! I refuge to wear this bandana!"

C: ALRIGHT. WE'RE SORRY.

The bandana disappears, and Conker says: ,,Thanks, guys."

C: YOU'RE WELCOME.

,,O, and one more thing. Can I get an other weapon than a shotgun? Like a sword?"

C:  NO.

,,Ah, fuck you."

C: ALRIGHT, CUTIE.

,,No, I was just joking, just joking! Go fuck yourself."

C: PARTYPOOPER.

,,Yeah, I know." Says Conker, and he fires his shotgun at the screen. A dropping body can be heard, and he says: ,,That will teach Rareware to hire Big Guy Al. And now on. Seeing that this is a Metal Gear Parody, I can better be careful." Then he walks away.

After a minute or so, he comes to the launch platform, that's heavily guarded by Tediz. ,,Where did they come from?" Says Conker surprised. He looks around, but there's no safe way in. Conker looks around, and he sees a big machine gun. ,,Well, I guess I should do it the hard way. A big machinegun, guarded by 10 Tediz. I love a challenge." Conker runs to them, and quickly shoots the first 5 trough the head. The others ran to him, but he jumps over their heads on the machine gun, and starts blasting them. Within seconds, Tediz- mint is every where. But then, the real forces come bulging in. ,,Alright. This is just like the wasps hive, only they have guns and I don't have an honey shield." Says Conker scared, and he starts blasting them. They keep swarming in, but they are soon scattered in pieces and the walls have a green- yellow colour. ,,O yeah, what a rush!" Conker says thrilled, and he jumps of the machine gun. But then he can hear a female computer voice: ,,LAUNCH OF SHIP WITHIN ONE MINUTE!!! EVERY INTRUDER THAT WANTS TO GET ON, BETTER BE QUICK! HURRY UP, YOU IDIOT!!" ,,Well, better do what it says." Says Conker, and he walks to the ship. But then, he gets blasted away by a missile. Conker looks around, and he sees a huge robot. It has the shape of a metallic Green Raptor head, 2 iron legs and 9 mm miniguns as arms, and 2 missile launchers on it hips. The beast dodges fore ward, but Conker yells: ,,TIME-OUT, TIME-OUT!!! I want to speak to the programmers!"

C: WHAT NOW?

,,I don't mind wearing a bandana and play in a MG Parody, but why do you need to use an Metal Gear rip- off? Huh?"

C: YEAH, WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS?

B: UHM, MINE.

C: GREGG? THAT'S IT, YOU'RE BACK TO YOUR OLD JOB!!!

B: WHAT? BUT YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

C: NO BUTS!

Then, Gregg appears with a 'poof', and he mumbles: ,,Man, I finally got a decent job, then I got fired by the stupid powers that be. Stupid Rareware…now it's back to bloody cats and squirrels with to many tails. Ah, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." ,,Alright, now get rid of this guy here. I don't even have time to battle it."

C: ALRIGHT. WE'LL GET RID OF THAT STUPID OUTFIT OF YOURS TO.

The Metal Idiot collapses, and Conker says: ,,They don't build them as they used to." Then Conker's normal outfit reappears, and he says: ,,Thanks, guys. Alright, it's crocodile hunting time." Conker grabs his shotgun, and runs to the elevator that's connected with the ship. The elevator goes up, while there's only 6 seconds left…

5 seconds, 7 floors…

4 seconds, 6 floors…

3 seconds, 5 floors…

2 seconds, 4 floors…

1 second, 3 floors…

Then, the spaceship is launched, but Conker quickly grabs a ladder that's still connected to it, and he climbs to the airlock, while the heat of the atmoshpere gets worse and worse. And then, he makes it just in time to the airlock, and he jumps in it. ,,I made it…now to kick some lizards butt."

CHAPTER 6: CLASS REUNION

Conker walks trough the corridors of the spaceship. It looks like the Vault in the Heist Chapter, only with more wires and light.

After a while, he reach the cockpit. It's the same size of the Vault and the same ship, only without the airlock and the panels and the drivers seat are on the risen plateau. However, there's no one there. ,,What the fuck is going on?" Asks Conker surprised, but then he feels cold iron against his head and hears a familiar voice saying: ,,Gotcha."

He slowly turns around, and sees Tenka in a spacesuit, holding the gun. Behind him is Berri, who has captured the Sarge. ,,O, come on. Did you really, like, thought I would help you? You was the one who let me almost being killed. You know how much those bullets hurt?" Tenka laughs, and he says: ,,Since I can't reach your safe, squirrel, I have something else in plan. Professor Weasel is still floating in outer space, and I'm going to get his corpse for the information in his brains." ,,Man, that plan is ridiculous! Even if you can find his body, won't you think it's exploded by the space pressure? You stupid little idiot." Conker laughs, but then Tenka points out to Berri. Conker stops laughing, and says: ,,O, yes. You got me there." Then, the monitors start flashing. Tenka smiles, and he says: ,,Ah, good. We have reached the spot. Berri, I'm going outside. Keep an eye on them, will ya?" ,,Yeah, whatever." Tenka walks away, and Conker sits in an corner, together with the Sarge.

,,Sarge, you think we can escape?" Whispers Conker, while Berri is playing a Gameboy Advance game. ,,Well, it's easy to knock her out, but there aren't any escape pods. That Tenka is pretty overconfident. Fuck the bastard to hell." ,,Yeah." Conker looks around, and a minute later they hear the airlock open. Berri looks an the monitors, and she says: ,,Huh? Why is he going to the surgery room, near the weapons room and the shuttle bay?" ,,Okay. It's now or never." Says Conker, and they silently stand up. They walk to Berri, and then knock her out with their heads.

Sarge rips the ropes with his muscles, and then frees Conker of his handcuffs. They ran down the hallways, and then they come in the weapons room. ,,Oh, where do I start?" Says Conker drooling, while looking at the countless weapons. The Sarge grabs an Avenger, and Conker a Super Dragon, that are both featured in Perfect Dark. ,,Long live Rare!" They yell together, and they go into the dress room. A minute later, they step out in Lost in Space- clothing. ,,LET'S DO THIS!!!" They yell, and they charge trough the hallway.

They blast every security camera, and they run as fast as they can to the shuttlebay. And after a while, they reach a long entrance hall. ,,Where could this lead to?" Asks Sarge. Conker thinks, but then, they hear sounds behind them. Conker turns around, and in the distance, they see walking mines, but now with nasty chainsaws instead of bombs. ,,O, fuck that shit!" Says the Sarge, and they run for their lives. They reach the end of the entrance hall, and they see an elevator. Conker quickly presses a big button on the side of the elevator, but the elevator is really slow. ,,THEY'RE COMING CLOSER!!!" Yells the Sarge, and he starts blasting them. ,,We can only wait! BLAST THEM TILL THE ELEVATOR COMES!!!" Yells Conker, and he blasts the closest one. They just keep coming, and then the Sarge says: ,,NOW IT'S  ENOUGH!!! I'M GONNA BLAST THAT DOOR AND THEN WE JUMP TO THE SHUTTLEY BAY FLOOR!!!!" The Sarge activates a laser, and he starts cutting it, while Conker blasts the things with the grenade launcher function. Then the door falls, and they see that the elevator is already on the floor. ,,Wait a second. This bloody thing was all this time on this floor?" Says the Sarge surprised and with an angry tone. ,,Must have been jammed." Says Conker, and he jumps in. The Sarge jumps also, and the elevator goes too the shuttlebay level.

They enter it, and they see a little red spaceship, big enough for 2. ,,Come on. This is our chance!" Says the Sarge. Conker shakes his head, and he says: ,,No. We must defeat Tenka first." ,,ZAT IS A LITTLE CHANCE, YOU IDIOTZ!!!" Yells a familiar voice, and they look up to see hatches on the ceiling. From the hatches comes turrets, and they blast the spaceship into oblivion. ,,Oh, fuck that shit! Why did Rare steal so many movie scenes? I watched Episode 1, and I am NOT planning to escape in an troopcarrier full of enemy forces!" Says the Sarge, but then a mechanic Alien drops from the ceiling. ,,O, does it NEVER stops?" Complains Conker, but they duck to dodge the acid beam that the robot spits. Then, a voice calls: ,,HEINRICH, STOP! ZEY ARE MINE!!!"

A platform drops to their level, and on it are Berri, Tenka ( who is satisfied smiling ) and the Weasel Professor, who has now mechanical legs and a new, black labcoat. And in his right arm, he holds a shotgun.

,,Oh, fuck." Says Conker, and then he quickly blasts the new Heinrich with a grenade from the Super Dragon. ,,Hey, like, whose idea was it to bring weapons from another game?" Says Berri surprised. Tenka looks ashamed, and he says quietly: ,,Sorry about that." ,,Well, I can forgive you." Says the Sarge taunting, but that was the limit to Tenka, who is easily angered.

He grabs a bottle of nitro-glycerine, and drinks it till the last drop. He jumps to the Sarge, and burps, spitting out the deadly flames. The Sarge quickly runs away, and the flames are awfully close. Then, Tenka stops. ,,Fuck! I need a bigger bottle!" He looks to a container of nitro-glycerine, and runs to it. Conker and the Sarge both wait, and when Tenka is near it, they start shooting it. It explodes, together with Tenka. But Berri and the Professor are unimpressed, knowing that Tenka has also multiple lives. But then, the Weasel Professor looks frightened.

They look around, and see that the explosion has caused a giant hole in the bays door. ,,Oh, fuck this shit!" Says the Sarge, and then he got sucked away. He quickly grabs the Weasel Professor by his new legs, and the Prof says: ,,LET GO OF ME, YOU NEANDERSQUIRREL!!!" ,,LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE COMING WITH ME, PROF!" Yells the Sarge, and they both get sucked away. Now, also Berri flies towards the hole. She desperately tries to grab something, but she doesn't succeeds. Conker quickly runs to her, and grabs her hand. Then he grabs with his free hand a pipe that's combined with a pillar. ,,DON'T WORRY, I WON'T LET GO!!!" Yells Conker, but then they fall to the ground, like the pressure is stabilised. They look around, and see that a hatch has covered the hole.

Conker looks to a lever, and sees Tenka there, still holding it. He smiles evilly, and he says: ,,You owe me one. And you can repay me with your LIFE!!!" Tenka jumps to Conker, but Conker grabs his Super Dragon and blast Tenka in the leg. ,,FUCK!!!" Yells Tenka, and he walks away. Conker jumps to him, and shoots him in the arms. Tenka cries in pain, and he grabs Conker by the neck with his tail. But Conker grabs a knife, and slices the tail right- off. ,,O, NO!!! MY TAIL!!!" Tenka yells, and he crawls away. Conker stands before him, and he says: ,,If I'm gonna kill you, what is sure to happen, I will kill you slow and painfully, all tough I know you will return." Tenka looks angry, but then he is shot in the head. Conker looks around, and he sees Berri holding a gun in her hand. ,,I always wanted to do that." She says satisfied, and then she aims the gun at Conkers head. Then the Professor walks towards her, dragging an unconscious Sarge.

,,What should we do with them?" Berri asks. The Professor thinks, and then he says: ,,We vill blast zem in a garbage container to ze Frunchie village. After zhat, we can better start working at ze gene, to keep up at schedule." ,,Hold it, doc! How did you return? I mean, you WERE sucked into space." Asks Conker, while he tries to find a way to escape. ,,O, zhat is easy. Tenka is a real genius. He can bring back ze dead by activating a brain and body restorer, and that stupid Gregg ze Grim Reaper was forced to bring my soul back. I mean, if my body is alive, why would I stay in that God forsaken place any longer?" ,,You mean hell?" Asks Berri. The Professor shakes his head, and he says: ,,No, worse. A everlasting special appearance in the Teletubbies, to entertain those stupid motherfuckers at Rareware." ,,Hey, now you pushed to the limit!" Yells Conker, and he jumps to the Professor. The Professor grabs a trash can and puts him in it, and after that the Sarge. ,,Hey, it's kinda busy in here! CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT!?" Yells Conker. The Professor smiles, and he says with an taunting tone: ,,No." After that, he opens a tiny- sized airlock, and throws them out. Conker and the Sarge (who is now awake) are screaming, whole the way down.

Will they survive the fall trough the atmosphere? Of course they will survive, they are both squirrels and both have tails. And why does the Professor wants to crash them there? And what are they planning to do with the earliest supply of Mutant Gen? And wazzup with that Mechanical Heinrich? In the next chapter, the horrible plans of Tenka and the professor will be revealed…

THAT'S IT FOR NOW!!! PLEASE, R&R!!!