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~~~~~~



"Do you want to talk about it?"


Xander nodded slightly and his eyes shift back down to the floor. "Yes. But not right now. Tonight before patrols, I promise."


Giles withdrew his hand slowly and smiled what felt like his first genuine smile since Anya died. Xander said he wanted to talk. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a step in the right direction. Before, he had only talked about how Anya's death had affected him to Buffy and Dawn, but now, Xander said he would talk to him about everything personally.


Xander still needed more time. There was no debating that, Giles knew. Still, he had come that much closer in getting back the young man that had long been the heart of their family.


Progress, however small, had been made.


"I look forward to that," said Giles.


After cleaning himself off a bit, Xander turned to leave the store. He was going to talk to Giles about everything, he promised himself. Anya would want this. She would want Xander to reach out to his surrogate family. He took comfort in that thought.


He was interrupted from his thoughts about an Anya smiling on him from up above by the jingling bell of the swinging door of the Magic Box. The shop wasn't officially opened for another hour, so he shouldn't have been too surprised by the entrance of a certain redheaded witch and her girlfriend.


It still knocked the wind right out of him, though.


"He-hey Willow." His voice sounded small even to himself. The tension between the two of them had been like some sort of scary, cold, insurmountable wall that neither had tried to get anywhere near let alone go over.


"Hi, Xander." There was a trembling slip in her words which cut to Xander's very soul. Her hand reflexively moved into Tara's grasp seeking comfort and strength. It was trembling a little. A fact that did not go unnoticed by Xander.


Doing his beast to mask his hurt by Willow's unconscious gesture, Xander decided to cut his losses and run. "I'll see you guys later. I have to go… do some…things," he stammered out unconvincingly. "Bye Willow… Tara." He nodded to each in turn and walked past the two of them.


Xander wished with every fiber of his being that he hadn't heard the audible sigh of relief that escaped from Willow's mouth.


Once inside of his car, Xander says to himself, "Well, that wasn't the least bit awkward."



~~~~~~



Susanna was completely confused. She couldn't understand why all of the sudden Mr. Griswold had decided to be nice to her and let her stay at the motel. Granted on the condition that she pay him back with twenty percent interest, but it still was a heck of a lot better then the alternative.


The alternative being trying to cross the border with no money and no car. Not to mention the fact that the only Spanish she knew had been taught to her by the Taco Bell Chihuahua. But she had bought a book and she was learning a few phrases. Not much, but a start.


Now if she could only find a job. Preferably one where they didn't ask any complex questions like, "Where are you from?" She thought about asking Mr. Griswold if she could work at the motel; but now that she was living here and owing him money, the idea had lost some of its beautiful simplicity.


God she wished that Jerry could be here to help her. But that was impossible. She watched him die herself.


Her daughter cooed from the makeshift crib she had put together by tying some string and making a wall with a blanket on a cushion chair. She had finally fallen back to sleep after staying up all night yelling her head off. Not that she blamed her. Susanna cried right along with her beautiful baby girl. She missed Jerry, she missed their tiny little apartment, and she missed school.


She yawned. She needed to get a little rest and then she'd head off to find a job.



~~~~~~



"NOOO!"


"Anna stay out of it."


"But he'll kill you."


"No he won't! I won't let him. You and the baby mean too much to me. Remember what I told you. Don't go to Canada. They'll expect that. Head south and get out of the country." He didn't feel the confidence in his own voice as he spoke but he needed to be strong. The pain in her eyes made Jerry wished he could hold her and kiss all the pain away. But he knew that if he gave into that desire he'd never be able to let go again. The baby needed him. Anna needed him.


"I love you, Jer."


Jerry nodded and grinned at her. "I love you, too." His mouth curved in that grin that always brought a smile to Anna's heart. "And I love, Melissa… I will find you, again. I promise."


Anna watched as Jerry turned around to fight. He didn't take a step before something grabbed him. Something evil. Something pure evil.


No. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She, Jerry and Melissa were supposed to live happily ever after. How could this world be so cruel?


She didn't see the face of the monster who had his hands around her husbands neck. All she could concentrate on were the sickening sounds of Jerry struggling against his attacker and gulping for air that would never reach his lungs.


Then Jerry's eyes turned to stare at her. His mouth moved and the words "Help me," could be made out even with the lack of sound coming from his lips.


"I can't."



~~~~~~



Susanna woke up from her dream panting as if she had just been running. Frantic, she ran to Melissa and checked to see if she was okay. Once she saw that she was, she sighed in relief. She took in her surroundings somewhat glad to find the disorganized, barely hygienic hovel that consisted of her current personal residence.


The dream wasn't exactly like the real memory. But it was close enough that it still hurt and frightened her. Nightmares of that horrible night were the bane of Susanna's existence.


God she missed being called by Jerry's nickname for her. She missed it so much she hated even referring to herself as Susanna. It sounded so prissy and pretentious to her now. Anna, Jerry told her, sounded more dignified and that's exactly how she wanted to feel again. But unless by some miracle Jerry came back, delivered her from this hellish existence and allowed her the luxury of dignity, Susanna was what she would call herself till her dying day.


When Jerry died, Anna died.



~~~~~~



Xander parked his car in front of Buffy's house and mentally prepared himself for the soul-sucking chore of standing around a cramped office and telling your qualifications to a clerk who, honest to God, couldn't care less. Granted, for once, it wouldn't be him getting mentally drained at the glares these clerks would hand down as judgment for not having a college degree. But the experience was like reopening a wound and pouring salt allover it.


Painful.


He stepped out, killing his engines, and knocked on the door, waiting to be let in. After a few moments, the door was opened by a grinning little mass of brown hair. Dawn was dressed fairly casually with her standard jeans, top and hair, brushed long. Xander walked in and asked if her sister was ready for the hell of the Unemployment Office.


Dawn smirked at Xander's exaggeration. "My sister has been to an actual hell. I'm sure she can manage the dreaded Unemployment Office." She added with a mocking, "Wooo-oooooo" and putting her hands up in mock fright..


Completely un-phased by Dawn's remark and actions, Xander added, " You just remember that when I have to drag your butt down there, Missy."


"It's just a job."


"No… It's someone critiquing your life and deciding your worth to society. It has all the glamour and civility of a slave auction. Trust me, Dawnie, it sucks."


"Uh-huh." She rolled her eyes.


Deciding to ignore that last part, he asked her, "So is your sister ready, yet?"


"I don't know. Lemme check. BUFFY, ARE YOU READY, YET!?!"


Xander made a show of rubbing his ears as if they were in pain. "I coulda done that."



~~~~~~



Buffy stood before her mother's full-length mirror, taking in her appearance. Her hair was brushed and layered neatly around her face and she had on a yellow blouse with a navy blue jacket and matching skirt that came down to her knees. A pair of stockings and black pumps completed her outfit. It belonged to her mother; a fact which made her feel uncomfortable, but she needed them. She owned nothing that would allow her to look more like an adult. Somehow she didn't think that coming in wearing tight leather jeans and a halter top would impress anyone with her maturity.


"God, why couldn't I own any grownup clothes?"


The continuation of her thoughts on the subject was interrupted by her sister's shrieking voice. "BUFFY, ARE YOU READY, YET!?!


"YEAH. JUST A SEC," she called back. Truthfully, she had been ready half an hour ago, but she had been fidgeting and feeling extremely nervous of about, not only her need to keep the house, but Dawn's reaction to her wearing her mother's clothes.


It was now or never.


She walked downstairs, whilst mentally preparing herself of her sister's remarks. Upon reaching the staircase, she held her breath for a second and then said, " Well… How do I look?"

Xander and Dawn turned their heads to the top of the staircase and watched as Buffy stood there with her hands at her sides in a questioning manner; obviously, waiting for their approval.


Dawn spoke first. "Isn't that Mom's?"


Buffy nodded. So far her sister hadn't shrieked at her, which was definitely a good sign.


"You look great. Mom'd be real proud." The genuine smile that lit her sister's face eased Buffy's racing-a-mile-a-minute heart.


"You look very mature Buffy. Very impressive. You'll knock 'em dead… After breakfast though, because I'm starving."


"Thanks guys."



******To*Be*Continued******



Thanks to everyone who has supported me thus far with their comments and feed back. Without it, I'd never had been driven to write even half of what I have. Every kind word of encouragement spurs me to write my next piece all the more quicker, so if you want the next chapter up soon. Yell it to me. Give me hell about it. Write me e-mails about my lack of quickness with the postage. It's all appreciated.


My demons thank-you.


Next up will be Giles confronting Xander. Willow explains her fear of Xander. A little more background for Anna and Melissa. And my favorite, the introduction of a -dum, dum, DUM-- plot.



--You just listen to the old Pork Chop Express here now, and take his advice on a dark and stormy night. When the lightening 's crashing, and the thunder 's roaring, and the rain 's coming down in sheets thick as lead; remember, what old Jack Burton does when the Earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the Pillars of Heaven shake… Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old Storm right, square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, Pal…I can take it." -


Kurt Russell as Jack Burton in "Big trouble in Little China"