This chapter was every bit the doozy I knew it was going to be. But so far I'm real proud of it. Lemme know what you think.


In my haste to post last time I forgot to mention MCG (Mean Chris Grump) While he's never actually posted a review he has read the story and allowed me to bounce ideas off him via e-mail. And hey Chris. Where's Back Lash II? I've been waiting for it, man. There you go. Hop to it. Chop chop.


By the way, I'll do another big Thank You in another two or three chapters.


Thanks everyone for allowing me my character building stuff. After this chapter the action will balance with the character building, I promise. Even a patient guy like me needs to shoot stuff.



~~~~~~***~~~~~~



I walk down the stairs knowing fully well the significance of this place. This is the basement of the Magic Box. This is where we keep a lot of the artifacts collected during our adventures in slaying. In here is the rod which split me into my strong and weak sides, the broken remains of Spike's Sex-Bot, the bazooka which blew up the Judge (packaged in a non-descript crate to avoid suspicion) and a whole slew of gadgets and mystical whatzits. It's sort of our own private little Cave of Wonders.


Also, this is the place where I proposed to Anya. This is the last place where we made love. The last time I really talked to her and let her know just how much she meant to me, was here. Maybe I should feel weird about coming to this place but strangely I don't. Truth is, I really like this place. A lot of nostalgia runs through here. Memories don't scare me, because they're pieces of the past.


It's the future that's got me worried.


In the future, I have to deal with Willow. In the future, Buffy and Dawn might lose their home. In the future, I'm going to be alone… My friends will move on with people they love, while, I'll still be alone.


That's why I don't mind being here and why I hate going to my apartment. This place represents the past, where I can look on fondly. My apartment represented a home; what could have been and, now, what never will be.


As I walk around I stumble upon a white stuffed bunny. It freaks me out for a second because I know what this is. This was the bunny that scared Anya. I remember…


She said, "No, no, it's an omen. It's a higher power, trying to tell me through bunnies that we're all gonna die. Oh god."


I think about that for a second. Maybe it was an omen.


And if I had never had that omen I never would have had my chance to propose to her before she died. That's enough to allow me a small smile.


"I miss you, baby."


I decide to take the bunny with me. It doesn't seem to belong here somehow. I mean honestly… How in the hell did a stuffed bunny end up with this stuff, anyway?



~~~~~~***~~~~~~



When one hears that someone is on "patrol," many images may come to mind. Perhaps soldiers marching cartoonishly in front of a gate counting their footfalls in cadence. Or maybe even a security guard in a poncho keeping silent vigil over a protected area. One does not, however, normally imagine a trio of girls walking around a graveyard chatting away quite loudly, unless they were a Scooby.


Which these three were.


"Cordelia actually thought that Harmony was gay?"


"Yep. She thought that the whole sneaking into her bedroom and talking about 'urges' meant she wanted to jump Cordelia's bones." The three girls laughed. "She was actually very relieved that Harmony was a Vampire and not- and I'm quoting here- a 'great big lesbo'."


Both Tara's and Buffy's eyes widened before they burst out laughing again.


"So you're telling me that she was more freaked at the idea of Harmony being gay then being a vampire?" Buffy's voice was incredulous. Willow nodded. "Did you tell her about you and Tara?"


"Uh-huh. I could actually hear her squirming on the other end because of the 'lesbo' comment. If I hadn't been concerned for her safety I probably would have been laughing." More giggling filled the air.


Considering the dark atmosphere, one wouldn't expect such cheery tones. But most people don't do this nightly as a part of their everyday existence. It's truly remarkable what a human being can become accustomed to.


Like, one, Xander Harris, who at the sound of his friends laughing tracked down their location. He had been looking for them, or more specifically Willow. He was tired of having someone he cared about be so deeply afraid of him. Today he had taken many steps in his recovery of losing Anya. This was another. Everything so far had been slow. Baby steps.


Xander was tired of baby steps. He wanted forgiveness in the worst way and this night he wanted to know what exactly it was going to take.


After a few moments of comfortable silence, Buffy decided to confront her friend. "Willow?"


"Yeah?"


"I want to ask you something serious." Xander froze. Instinct told him something important was going to occur and it would be best if he laid low. He prayed that his curse of incoordination wouldn't come to call in the next few moments.


"It's about Xander."


For once, his flawed sense, jokingly dubbed instinct, came out on top. It would have been a relief, if not for the nagging need to know what was going to be said. He wasn't just anxious or nervous. Xander was truly scared. His grip on the stuffed bunny increased.


"Oh."


That's it! "Oh?!?" Xander mentally begged Willow to be more specific.


Tara, who had been by her girlfriend, noticed the importance of this discussion. And suddenly felt uncomfortable. She decided to leave before she would be asked to; despite the fact that she knew just how deeply her girlfriend might crave her proximity in the next few moments. "Umm, maybe I should leave you two to talk."


The begging of her to stay did not come from Willow but, surprisingly, Buffy.. "No Tara. You should stay. I value your opinion, too." Tara looked momentarily shocked. She hadn't expected to be asked to stay. Usually people would just not want to have her around at all; especially, at the parts where something important was going to be said.


It warmed her heart that Buffy asked her to stay for her and not because of Willow. She still hadn't gotten used to being wanted or respected.


"Oh. Sure. Whatever you need, Buffy." She couldn't repress the silly little smile that began to form right away, but she did when she felt Willow's shaky fingers interlace with hers. Instantly, she remembered that she was here for support, so her face, once again, regained her normal features.


Xander listened in, hoping that it would give him some background into where he stood with his oldest friend.


"Willow, are you still uncomfortable around Xander?"


Once again, Xander squeezed the bunny.


Willow's face looked pensive for a second. Then her mouth opened a few times in silent babble, before she could finally vocalize her feelings. "It's not like I'm scared of Xander."


His heart did a somersault…


"I mean, okay I'm a little scared of Xander."


…And then landed flat on its ass. She was scared of him. She admitted it.


"It's just… I don't think I know him anymore. I mean I still know him. It's not like I'm suddenly, 'Xander Who?,' but it's more like he's changed. And I'm not sure I like the change. Or if I'm just confused by the change. Or maybe I changed and he hasn't. But he's still Xander and yet he's not like the Xander I knew. Or… something." She looked to her feet and appeared to be completely flustered.


"Trust me. He's the same Xander. He's just grieving. A-and…That can change a person. I mean I should know." Buffy was quiet for a second.


"Buffy, I know that grieving can be hard on someone but… Xander… When he did those things that night, he… It's like he wasn't there. You remember how he was when he mentioned killing Ben, before we took on Glory… He hated himself for even thinking it."


"Watching someone die in your arms is powerful, Willow."


"Buffy, I know what it's like when something hurts someone you love… Do you remember what happened after Glory hurt Tara?" Willow look over to her lover sadly. "I was scared. A-And angry. And I wanted Glory to pay. But I showed emotion. When Xander killed Ben. There was nothing in his eyes. He just went to him like he was going to help him…" Willow's eyes widened in fear at remembering what happened next. "He calmly talked to him and then… God… Buffy, I will never forget that noise. Ben was… he was…His neck was bent… wrong. Like Miss Calander." She shuddered. "These years fighting on the Hell Mouth, I've seen some horrible things. Some done by people I've trusted. But… I never thought that Xander." Tears began to flow down her eyes. "It feels wrong, okay. People can be bad. People can be just as bad as Demons but not Xander. Xander is safe, and loving. But he's not… Oh God."


Willow began crying and she was comforted by Tara, who pulled her into an embrace. Buffy came up to Willow and hugged her too. They were so busy comforting each other that they didn't hear the very person they had been talking about run away.


Xander never looked back. He ran. His oldest friend had just compared him to a demon. A monster. A soulless creature.


What was there left for him other then heartbreak?



~~~~~~***~~~~~~



Susanna left the shop feeling more then a little depressed. She was well aware before starting her little quest to find a compassionate person to give her a job where she could watch over her baby was probably going to be fruitless. But that certainly didn't mean it didn't hurt when her plan completely blew up in her face. Well, actually, her plan hadn't completely blown up in her face. There were still plenty of businesses she hadn't checked yet and she still had those numbers to call on Monday.


She still had options. Just not many.


It was dark and the Ice Cream Parlor where she was staying was preparing to close for the night. All around here the stagnant smell of old disinfectant mixed curiously with ice cream and the cold humid air to create a very artificial smell that drove her steadily insane. It gave off a very alien feeling to the business that made her uncomfortable.


Sooner or later she would have to leave and go back to that dingy motel room and her dignity demanded that she leave on her own accord rather then be told to. Small things like that were all she had left of the proud woman she once was. The proud woman her Jerry helped create.


She could still remember one conversation in particular…



~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~



"Jerry, I'm no good at this stuff. People are going to expect me to be… Well I don't know. But I'm pretty sure, whatever it is, I don't have it."


Her fiancée smiled into their bedroom mirror and struggled with his necktie. "They're not going to expect anything from you, Anna, other then you."


"But they're your friends. Scratch that. Co-workers and Employers. As in people who decide your future. I'm going to mess up. And it's going to hurt you. I don't wanna hurt you."


Jerry's eyebrows lifted in amusement for a moment while his smile lowered to a slight grin. "You're right. What the hell was I thinking, wanting to show you off to my bosses? I mean, they're just going to take one look at you. Be insanely jealous because of how utterly beautiful you are. And then they're going to fire me because, while they make more money then me, they don't get to sleep in the same bed with you every night. My career is doomed! Damn your nymph-like beauty!"


Anna threw one of their pillows at her still-smirking fiancée. "This isn't funny!" The grin on her face that she fought tooth and nail to keep from surfacing betrayed that logic, though. "I don't think I can be good enough." Her tone was somber and her posture insecure. It's moments like these that Jerry can't help but fall in love with her allover again.


He stopped fiddling with his tie and sat himself down with his wife-to-be. "Anna." No response. "Anna, listen to me." His left hand moved to grip her shoulder while his right cupped her chin so lovingly that it made Anna's heart ache. She couldn't help but wonder what she had ever done to deserve him.


Jerry's words were soft and from the heart. "You are amazing. I mean that in every possible way. You have a beautiful heart. A stunning intelligence and grasp of the world around you. You're witty. Funny. And did I mention unbelievably beautiful? Those people are human. Just like me. They're going to fall head-over-heels in love with you because no human being in their right mind wouldn't. If anything, they're going to ask me if you have a sister and if she's available."


Anna smiled and Jerry returned it. "Thank You."


"You're welcome." Anna never physically said what she was thankful for. There simply was no need.


Her hands moved to his still-undone necktie. She playfully pretended as if she was moving around the ends and tying it. "Y'know? If I had any idea how to tie one of these it would be incredibly romantic."


"Not to mention real helpful… I knew I should have bought the damn clip-on."


Anna pulled the ends and forced Jerry closer to her for a kiss. "Shut-up, wouldya? I'm trying to be romantic, here."


They were going to be a little late for his bosses' birthday party.



~~~~~~End~Flashback~~~~~~



Susanna got up, cleaned the ice cream off of Melissa's shirt and face and walked out. A part of her felt like she was returning to the motel room in defeat. But the other side of her knew that she was far from that.


Jerry died so that Melissa could have a life. Come hell or high water, Susanna would give it to her no matter what the cost.



~~~~~~***~~~~~~



Xander sat in a local bar called "The Gold Miner." It supposedly harkened back to the days when Sunnydale was a prosperous mining community; which, explained the extensive network of caves in the area. It wasn't as upbeat as the Bronze or as rowdy as the bars closer to campus. The Miner was a somber place. The kind of bar someone goes to simply to get drunk and forget about their problems between shots of vodka or tequila.


It was as good a place as any for Xander to sulk in.


Originally he had wanted to go back to the Magic Box for a little one-on-one with Mr. Punching Bag, but with Giles more then likely there he didn't want to have to go into some long explanation. His opening up to Giles now meant that he couldn't just vent his frustrations like he used to without having to sit down and dredge up the painful emotions again to explain them to him.


By, supposedly, moving on he had lost something he had counted on to vent daily pain and angst. It made him feel all the more miserable and he needed something to take the edge off. Something to make him feel numb because it seemed like a drastically better solution then simply allowing the pain to feel so raw.


Xander wasn't a big drinker. Memories of his father being so abusive had instilled in him a primal fear of becoming an alcoholic. Whenever he was at parties he would rarely drink and when he did he never allowed himself to get anything but buzzed. He had never ever come close to getting drunk for fear of what it would do to him. He had already had two beers and was about to order a third, when he changed his mind…


And asked for something stronger.


"Hey! Uhh, Beer… bringing… guy?!?" A bald man with a dirty goatee turned his head toward Xander.


"You callin' me?"


"Yeah. Bring me something stronger. What kind of rum you got?" The bartender listed about five different rums from all around the world. Xander had no earthly idea what the difference was, having never drunken rum outside of eggnog before. "Bring me that last one. Bah-something."


"Bacardi?"


"Yeah. That'll do."


"Been awhile since somebody asked for Puerto Rican rum around here. Mostly people want beer or tequila."


Having little interest in the bar's liquor history, Xander waved him off and told him to bring him the rum. He laid his hands down on his arms and tried to let the Alcohol burn through his system, hoping for the numbness to settle in soon.


He was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder and a slurred voice. "Andy ith that you?" Xander's head lifted to regard the voice. In front of him stood a man on shaky legs. His hair was long and unkempt and his face looked to have not been shaven for quite sometime. His eyes were red and waxed over with probably more then a substantial amount of alcohol. "Andyss? You look diffwent, man. Loth th-thome weight or thome'em'?"


Xander's eyes widened in realization as he realized why this man had called him Andy.


Andy was his father's name.


"No. I uhh,…" Xander was interrupted by the bartender who brought him the first shot of rum.


"Here you go, Pal. This stuff I'll do you good. I love it with juice or soda myself."


Xander didn't hear a word of it. He simply stared at the drunk in front of him and said, "How much do I owe ya?" The bartender looked at him confused for a second and then tallied up the cost, while the drunk looked on, even more confused then the bartender. Xander paid what he owed and then left the bar.


He left the rum untouched.



~~~~~~***~~~~~~



Susanna was walking swiftly back to her motel room. She had never been afraid of the dark as a kid. Ever since she saw the original Dracula she was fascinated with the creatures of the night and the music they made. In the most literal sense. She loved the sounds of crickets chirping, or frogs croaking. It was very relaxing. Jerry had even bought her a CD, with night sounds on it, that she used to sleep.


That was before she suddenly became responsible for a little girl. Before she lost Jerry. Before she believed in monsters, human and otherwise.


In her hurry to reach the relative safety of her motel room, she didn't realize she was being stalked. Stalked not only by a monster but by the one she feared most.


The one that killed Jerry.


"How's it going beautiful?"


That voice, so familiar, one that haunted her when she slept, one she had once looked to for support; but now, belonged to a monster.


She didn't turn around. She didn't scream or panic. She simply ran. She ran for the life of her baby.


To stay was to die.


Unfortunately for her, this monster couldn't be outrun. It had always been bigger, stronger and faster then her. But now that it had changed, it was the same evil in a more powerful wrapper.


The Monster appeared in front of her in a flash. His smile was mocking, his eyes were feral and his posture was threatening.


"Now why'd you do that, baby?" He moved in closer to her. Taking small, slow, lingering steps. The swaying of his body as he moved reminded her of a pendulum. And this pendulum counted the seconds to her doom. "Well aren't you going to say something, baby?"


The ability to vocalize thought through vibrations in her throat had long been forgotten by Susanna. His voice grew more ominous and impatient. "Aren't you?!?"


A small gasp was her only reply. She started shaking and clutched her child.


He relaxed visually for a second; his own outburst, seemingly, forgotten by him. "Y'know, baby, you shouldn't have run from me. Shouldn't have made me look for you. Especially when it's to find you in the arms of some Dick. Pregnant with his bastard child."


Susanna couldn't say anything, though she desperately wanted to. Instead, she backed away.


His fingers wagged side to side. "Nuh-uh-uh. You run and it'll only hurt more."


She stopped.


"Good girl," he said deceptively soothing. "I thought we should give 'us' another chance. I know things have been… difficult, in the past. But that's behind us. If you say you're sorry, I'll take you back and we can be together again. Like we were before the problems, baby. Do you remember that…" His voice quickened with anger and contempt. "When you cared about my needs! Before you became such a slut! Before you ran away and told the police all those lies about me! Huh?!? Do you remember that, you bitch!?!"


His eyebrows disappeared as his forehead came together menacingly. His once piercing blue eyes became a predatory yellow.


That was the face that haunted Susanna.


"We're meant to be together, Suzy, whether you realize it or not!"


At that she snapped. "MY. NAME. IS. NOT. SUZY!!"


"You heard the lady." The monster's head turned just in time to see a tire iron collide with the side of his skull. "She don't like being called, Suzy."


Xander smacked him in the chest and he flew back a few feet and hit the pavement. He yelled to Susanna, "This way!" He grabbed her wrist just as the monster yelled.


"What the fuck you waiting for?!? Kill him!"


A fist crashed into Xander's stomach and his universe exploded in pain.



******To*Be*Continued******



Well what do you know? My first chapter that ends with a cliffhanger. Won't be my last. I promise.


Down the road, I'll reveal the name of "The Monster" and his past relationship with Susanna. Though you probably picked up on the none too subtle clues by now, I'll bet. Plus, you're probably wondering how he tracked her down so fast. That'll be explained too.


Also, more background for our protagonists. Some action. Some drama. And some tough choices. All coming up.




-- Now might be a good time for something heroic.--

James Marsters as Spike in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (Spiral)