Simply Believing

  I recall the first time I saw you. Yui and I had just gone into the book for the first time, and had been captured by some guys. We attempted to fight, but I know that if you had not appeared in time, we would have probably been raped... or worse. You demanded money, muttered when we did not have any, and left.

  Believe it or not, I remembered you even when we returned. I couldn't study properly for the examinations... you were my distraction. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your clothes... I was not surprised that I could remember everything about you so clearly. I fell in love with you from the start. Then I made a mistake. I wrote about you in my diary. My mother read it, and she scolded me, calling me irresponsible for going out with a boyfriend when I should have been studying for my exams... I shouldn't have been so furious, but my mother, the one who should have known me the best, accused me with such little proof...

  So I went back to the book.  No exams, no school, no mother... I could live life the way I wanted it. What I noticed most about Ancient China was how different it was. I have not revised the history chapter on it yet, and I felt afraid, slightly overwhelmed by everything. Where were you, the elusive man with the 'oni' character upon his forehead? No one knew.

  Then I found you again. Or rather, you found me. I was so happy to see you again. Perhaps it was a good thing that I tried to take the emperor's jewels from his crown... I didn't want to lose you. Besides, you were the only person I recognised, or even trusted. We managed to get into the palace, and there we found Hotohori and Nuriko. I still feel uncomfortable when I remember that I thought Hotohori was a lady the first time I met him... He is so beautiful; no wonder Nuriko loves him so much. But Nuriko hates me, because she thinks that I am trying to take him away from her. I have no such intention. You have taken my heart... no amount of money or position will be able to move it. When he told me that he wanted to marry me, I was too shocked to say a word, but I know that I could have never agreed. To be an empress, millions of people under my rule... I know that many would call me foolish for not taking that. Somehow, it didn't matter. I love you, and that is that. He tried so hard, and I tried to stop him, but he refused. He does not really understand; I hope he can love another in the future.

  Then at the marketplace, you went with Nuriko to sell my chewing gum. Now that the people knew I was the Suzaku no Miko, it was essential that I disguised myself, only to follow you. And to ensure that Nuriko did not... do anything that she would regret later. Then I was captured again. Arigato for saving me time after time, only you would have so much patience. But you refused me. You insisted that you didn't love me. That I was being foolish. And that I had thought wrong. Like the baka I am.

  But as I sit here in my bed, Tamahome, I know that I cannot make you love me, but I can only show how I love you. And to hope. I am simply believing, Tamahome, that you will love me someday.

  The way I love you.