Okay I'm so sorry if you guys don't like this part....my writers block has been horrible.



Max rubs my back soothingly and my sobs die down, I look up at him.
"You okay?"
I shake my head.
"Want me to take you home?"
"I..."
"I have a feeling you need to talk with your brother..." He stands up and pulls me up gently, grabbing his keys from the table. He keeps hold of my hand, even after we get into the car. My stomach tightens and nausea fills me. What am I going to say?

The car stops and I look over at Max. He smiles, "You'll be fine. Call me in the morning," He kisses my forehead and I climb out. Giving a small wave, he drives off and I walk up to the house. I enter quietly and I hear someone digging through something and I panic. Is someone....wait. I peek around the corner and see Michael, cleaning up.
"Hey," I say softly.
His head whips up and his panicked expression softens, "Hey."
"I don't hate you...I didn't mean what I said."
"Hey, Lizzie, it's all right..." I interupt him,
"I remember everything."
He looks like a deer caught in headlights, "You...You remember?"
"Yeah. I know what he did and I know what you did. And what Mommy did. She....you....God. What he did to you Michael. He beat you....and he...." I feel the nausea again and I barely make it to the trash can before I start retching. He hold my hair out of my face until I finish and hands me a towel when I sit up, "Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
I need my razor. I can't help it, I just...."I'll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom."
He nods, "Enough said."

I smile and get up, hurrying to the bathroom and locking the door. I grab the razor and pulls of my shirt. I cut down my whole left arm and watch the blood flow. I lean up against the cool tiled wall and slide down, my sobs too soft for anyone to hear. My body's shaking and my head's pounding, the blood is ddripping onto the white tiled floor. I reach out and touch it, suddenly facinated by it. A strangled sob escapes my throat and the next thing I know Michael's pounding on the door, "LIZ! Elizabeth, what's wrong?!?!?"

I know he won't leave until I open the door and I can't even talk, all I can do is mechanically open the door. My mind and body working like a robot. He takes one look at my arm and gathers me to him. He grabs my shirt and picks me up, taking me out to the car. He drives out towards the hospital and that's when I glance at my wrist, that's when the tears fall. I didn't realize I slit my wrist, I didn't know. And now I'm going to die....I don't want to die.



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iI'm in a church dressed in a black dress and in heels. Everyone is crying and there's a coffin. Someone has died, but I don't know who. I start to walk and I feel hands on my shoulders. It's him. And he asks me, "Do you even know where you're going?" I turn around and he's gone. As I look behind me I'm not in the church anymore, but a graveyard. "You think you know....." I look around for the source of the voice and there's no one. Just silence and graves. I walk along, looking around as I walk and stop at a freshly dug grave, it's still open. His arms slip around my waist. "I care about you, but....." I whip around and he's gone again. I sigh and proceed down a gravel path and hear footsteps behind me. I stop and glance over my shoulder....nothing. I start walking again and hear them again. I start running and they're chasing me. I trip and fall. When I get up I'm in a white bedroom. I see my cousin, Caitlin. She says, "I was wondering when you'd show..." I reply, "What?" She ignores my question and tosses me some white sheets. "Help make the bed." I look at her in confusion and help. When we're finished she smiles in satisfaction. "Perfect..." She whispers. "Who's this for?" She again ignores me and walks out. I try to work things out in my head and look into a mirror. My black dress is now white and my reflection is smiling. I reach out to touch it, to see if it's real and it is. I turn around and a man in a black cloak, I can't see his face, grabs me and stabs me in the stomach, then throws me out the window. I land on my back and see my mother smiling down at me as she twists the knife.
"Mommy, please stop," I choke out, crying from the pain.
"Why honey? You're getting what you always wanted...death..."
"Mommy...why? I didn't know....I never thought...."
"You're so selfish! You always thought that it was your father who protected you, but it was me...can you live with that?"/i

My eyes snap open and I see Michael holding my hand, crying. I lay my other one over his and he looks at me.
"I....He....Michael..." He gathers me in his arms and lets me cry.


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Now I could really pretend that it was all pretty and pleasant and heartfelt after I finished sobbing, but I won't lie to you. You don't deserve that. I sobbed and when I was finished, it was silent. But I didn't leave it at that. So I screamed at the top of my lungs. I'm tired of being used and I'm tired of all the secrets. I want the fucking truth and I want it NOW! Oh let's not tell Lizzie that her fucking father raped her, beat the shit out of her brother and mother. Not to mention the fact that my mother didn't do jack shit. She didn't tell me, Michael didn't tell me....NO ONE! GOD! How could I be so fucking blind? WHY? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! Why would he do that to me? Was he some kind of perv...wait of course he was...he fucking raped me....HIS DAUGHTER!! And he left without being punished. WHY didn't anyone tell me? Did they think they were protecting me? Well guess what....they DIDN'T!! They made everything worse. SO here I am with stitches and bandages around my wrists, screaming my head off and Michael trying to calm me down. It's bad enough that they did this to me and what I did to myself, but now I'm going to look like a nutcase. This can't get any worse....WAIT! Stop, rewind and freeze. It CAN get worse and it WILL. It always does. Dammit, I just jinxed myself. Go figure. Michael holding me down, telling me that I'm scaring everybody..but I don't care. Why should they care? Do they even know that Daddy raped me Michael, didn't think so. DON'T TELL ME TO STOP!! Jesus I can't even say these thing cause i'm screaming. Go figure. It's the same thing over and over and over again. I'm so tired of this shit. I'm being SELFISH! Damn straight I am. I want to be selfish. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE...I wanna throw a temper tantrum and kick , scream and bite. I wanna pull at my hair and roll around on the floor. But I can't, because Michael's holding me down. Damn him. Finally I stop screaming. The doctors have the sedative ready and I look around at all of them. I smile lightly and whisper, "I feel better now."
They all seem to relax.
"NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!!"
Michael just bangs his head on my lunch table repeatdly.