Damphyr 4- Lovesongs

by Colleen Hillerup

Billie Summers tied her long, curly brown hair back and looked in the mirror. "Hm," she said to herself, "not bad." She picked up a tube of lipstick and a brush from her dresser and applied the bright red colour to her mouth. "It'll do." Picking up a hot pink jacket from her bed and slinging it over her shoulder, she went out into the corridor of the hotel where she lived and knocked on the door beside hers. "Hey Dad, you up?"

Spike opened his door and looked out at his daughter. "Yeah, pet," he said, "just getting dressed for the night. You going out?"

"Meeting friends. All work and no play, right?" she turned towards the staircase. "See ya later."

Spike reached out for her arm and turned her back, gently. "Wait a mo', love. Let me look at you." He scanned her with his eyes and frowned. "Too much cleavage. Too much lipstick."

"God, Dad, you'd think I was still a kid in high school." She drummed her fingers on her hip impatiently. "My friends are waiting. I gotta go." She pecked his cheek, leaving a dark red stain. "Love ya." Running down the staircase she waved up at her father. "I won't be late," she called.

Spike crossed his arms and leaned against the wall of the corridor. "When did she get so grown up?" he asked himself. "She was just a baby yesterday."

******

Spike sat in the lobby of Angel's hotel, catching up with Angel, Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia and Fred. It was his first night in LA with his daughter, and the Angel Investigations gang was doing their best to make sure that he felt welcome. Cordelia Chase sat beside him on the couch, holding his hand sympathically. "If there's anything we can do to help you settle in..."

"Thanks luv," he replied. "I'll be fine, just as soon as I figure where to stash my gear." He turned to Wesley. "Thanks for this job, mate. I need a little...distance...from ol' Sunnydale."

"Hey, no problem," said Gunn. "Wesley's glad to get you. You really kicked butt the last time you were here."

"Exactly," added Wesley. "You'll be a great asset to the firm. I understand that you're quite good with computers as well. That will be very helpful."

"Yeah," replied Spike, "funny about that. I was looking for a way to make some cash, and Willow offered to hire me for her company, if I could pick up a bit of computer savvy. I was right shocked the way I took to it. All easy, really."
"Wow." said Cordy, "Easy. Maybe you could teach Angel a thing or two."

"Oh," he winked, "I can always teach Angel a thing or two." Angel didn't reply, just looked at him pointedly. "Still the Luddite, old mate?"

"I get by," said Angel.

Screaming burst forth from the baby monitor connected to Billie's room. "Mommy," she cried, "I want Mommy." Fred looked stricken with concern. She knew the terrors of being alone in the dark.

"Gotta go," said Spike, as he rushed up the stairs towards their new second floor suite. "She's been doing this a lot."

"Poor little kid," said Cordy, as Spike vanished at the top of the stairs. "New bed, new city, no Buffy."

"Yeah," added Angel raspily. No one was surprised at the catch in his voice. "I'm glad we hooked up the monitor. I hate to think of her screaming up there with no one to hear her." He looked down at his feet. "No kid should have to be alone. Especially not Buffy's."

********

Billie flicked the cigarette from her fingers and crushed it with the toe of her shoe, as she saw her friends Cindy and Valerie approach the entrance to 'The Hot Box'. She looked at her watch. "Late enough, guys? I ran out to meet you, and I'm the one who ends up waiting. Thanks a lot."

Her friends jostled against her and laughed. "Hey, Billie," Valerie said, "Since when are you Little Miss Punctual?"

"Since when I have an early class." she answered. " Let's get inside, if we can still get a table." She hustled them through the entrance. "I need to let loose tonight. Gotta dance."

*********

Spike cradled the frightened three year old in his arms until she went back to sleep. He slowly pulled his arm out from under her body so he wouldn't wake her, and started to creep out of the room. He stopped when he saw Buffy's stuffed pig, Mr. Gordo, sitting on the dresser. He picked up the toy, went into the other suite bedroom and lay down on his bed, sitting the pig on his chest. "Well, Gordo old boy, do you miss her too?" He patted its head distractedly. Putting it under his head like a pillow, he said sadly, "You even smell like her. I envy you, old pig, you had longer with her than I did." He looked up at the ceiling. "Buffy, love," he whispered. "I'm trying, I really am. I'm trying for Billie's sake. But it isn't easy."

*******
Billie cradled her wineglass in her hand and sipped it disinterestedly. "Hey," said Cindy, "I thought we came here to have fun. This is not fun." She saw Billie watching the dance floor. "Oh, I get it. You thought Mark might be here tonight. I don't think he came."

Billie snapped out of her reverie. "Mark who? Yeah, well okay, busted. But he isn't here, and I say we have some fun." She jumped up among the dancers and started to sway with the music. As the beat took over, she let herself be carried with the song, until she crashed into another patron and lost her balance, falling to the dance floor. A strong hand helped her to her feet and she looked up in surprise.

"Angel," she exclaimed, "what are you doing here? I thought you guys were going out, you know," she dropped her voice, "demon hunting."

"Slow night," he answered. "Wes and your dad are still cruising, but I gave up and came in here. I needed a little break. Nice atmosphere. I like it." He looked around. "You here with someone?"

"Sure," she replied. "Come over and meet my friends." She took his arm and led him to her table. Her friends looked at him appreciatively. "Angel, this is Cindy and Valerie. Guys, this is Angel. He's an old friend..." She started to say, "Of my parents," but realized that seemed a little farfetched, considering that he looked younger than thirty. She instead said, "We go way back."

"Hi Angel," said Cindy sultrily. "Where has Billie been hiding you?"

Valerie leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Triple threat; tall, dark and handsome."

Angel looked at the girls and smiled, "Well, nice to meet you." He turned to Billie and asked, "Don't you have an early class on Wednesdays?"

She looked at her watch, "Bloody hell," she said, "I'd better get home. 'Night guys."

As she turned to leave, Angel stopped her. "It's late," he said. "Let me walk you home." She smiled at him with pleasure. "After all," he added, "your dad would never forgive me if I let anything happen to you."

Billie took his arm and said goodnight to her friends. Cindy winked at her and said, "See you tomorrow. Don't forget. Early class."

*********

Billie despaired at ever finding a friend. All the other kids got to play outside at recess, but she always had to stay behind and help the teacher, or draw at her desk. Even in the warm Southern California climate she wore long sleeves and light gloves. When she went outside she always sported a wide-brimmed hat, dark glasses and a turned up collar. Worst of all, she had to wear a little plastic nose shield to protect from the burning rays. It wasn't a new experience; this had aways been her way of life. The few vampiric qualities she had inherited from her father left her with an ultra-sensitive reaction to the daylight. Even indoors, she had to be protected from light coming through the large classroom windows. The highest level of sunscreen couldn't stop her skin from blistering painfully with outdoor exposure. The older she grew, the more she felt alienated from the other children.

"Dad," she asked one night at dinner when she was nine, "Am I a freak?"

"What?" he exclaimed with surprise. "You most certainly are not." He poured a bit of blood into her glass of milk and continued, "You're my beautiful little girl. Not a touch of the freak about you. Why do you ask?"

She looked down at her rare steak. "Jimmy says I'm a freak."

Anger flashed in Spike's eyes. "Who's this Jimmy bloke, then, eh? I'll deal with him, don't you worry."

She was afraid that he would react this way. She looked up into her father's face and answered, "Jimmy's just a kid in my class. It's not just him. All the kids think I'm weird. I am weird. Dad, none of the other kids have to dress up for school! None of the other kids drink blood!" She pounded the table with her fist breaking off a piece of the corner. " I am a freak!" She burst into tears and ran from the table.

Spike sat and looked at his plate in confusion. "Well," said Cordelia, "aren't you going to go after her?"

He dipped his fork into his potatoes and swirled them around the plate. Without looking up he replied, "And what would I tell her? Tell her that she isn't a freak, because I'm not? I'm not sure that I believe that."

"No," said Cordelia. "Tell her that you love her. Tell her that the other kids don't know, that kids are cruel for no reason, that anyone would be lucky to have a great kid like her as a friend." She remembered the unfair pressure that her father had put on her to be popular. "Tell her you're with her no matter what."

"You know, luv, that sounds like good advice. When did you get so smart?" he asked.

"When I learned to be myself and not worry about what other people thought," she answered. "Now go help your daughter."

********

Billie and Angel walked home in silence. Neither noticed that she hadn't let go of his arm. A cool gust of wind blew through her light jacket and she shivered. "Whew," she said, "It's getting chilly. Didn't expect that."

Angel took off his long coat and put it around her shoulders, but the petite brunette swam in it. "Nope," he laughed, "That's not going to help." He put the coat back on, then draped his long arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "Warmer?" he asked.

"Yeah," Billie gasped, "Much." Curious sensations were running through her body, feelings that had nothing to do with the weather. "Weird," she thought, "This is Uncle Angel. I've known him all my life. Of course," she added mentally, "he isn't really my uncle, but still..."

Angel looked down at Billie and wondered, "Why didn't I notice how blue her eyes were, before? She has such a beautiful face. I always thought that she was just a kid. When did she grow up?"

Billie felt her hand slip down into the tall vampire's. He didn't object, and they continued to walk quietly up the street to the hotel. As they neared the front entrance, they walked slower. "I'm not sure that I want to go in yet," said Billie, quietly. She looked up into Angel's face, hoping to see the same reluctance in his eyes. His expression was intent; tender.

Suddenly he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. She felt herself melt into his arms. His body stiffened, and he pulled back. "I'm sorry, Billie. I don't know what came over me. This is wrong." He bolted through the front door.

"Yep, Billie," she said out loud. "Loser again."

*********

Billie maintained her freak status throughout public school and into high school. Very few of the other students would play with her, and none would ask her over to their homes. Some of her teachers would take pity on her, and would let her come into their classrooms after school for long talks, but they were no substitute for her peers, and would invariably lose interest the next year when she was no longer in their class. She would have been an even sadder and lonelier little girl without the support of her father and his friends.

In grade ten a sign announcing a Sadie Hawkins Dance gave her momentary hope. Maybe one of the boys she liked would go with her if she asked. She waited outside the biology class door for Sean Miller to come out so that she could try. Sean was not a popular student, a quiet, studious boy, but Billie thought that he was very nice. He was one of the few boys in school who hadn't called her "Invisible Man", her student dubbed nickname because of the protective clothing she was forced to wear. Maybe he would take pity on her. She knew the battle was lost when she saw him leave the class hand in hand with Harley Thompson, captain of the debating team.

On the way home she spotted Harry Dickerson, the biggest loser in the school. He was an insipid little twit, immature and universally regarded as a mama's boy. She was certain that no one had asked him. Almost without thinking, she ran up beside him and said, "Hi, Harry, going to the dance?"

He looked at her with distain. "Not with you, butt ugly," he laughed, and ran off down the road.

Spike awoke to the sounds of crying from his daughter's room. Tapping on the door, he called softly, "Y'ok, pet?" When she didn't respond, he opened the door a crack and peeked in, to see her prostrate on her bed, sobbing into her pillow.

He sat on the edge of the bed and put his hand on her shoulder. "What's the matter, love?" he asked softly.

She rolled over and looked up at her father's concerned expression. "There's a Sadie Hawkins Dance at the school," she choked, "and n...n...none of the b...b....boys will go with me. They think I'm u...u..ugly."

Spike brushed the tears from under her eyes with his finger and said, "Right bunch o' prats then, not wanting to go with a beauty like you." He kissed her forehead. "Probably you haven't asked the right guy is all."

She swallowed her tears, and wondered if it could be true. "Who would go with me, Dad?" she asked.

"Well," he replied, "Me, for one."

As mortified as Billie was with the suggestion that she show up at the dance with her father, she was grateful for his compassion, and his willingness to spend an evening with some high school kids. Considering the possibility, she said, "Okay, Dad, you should take me. They already think I'm a freak. Now they'll know I'm a freak that's proud of my dad."

The night of the dance, Billie entered the gym on Spike's arm. Heads turned as the lovely young woman in the lavender dress, her soft, long curls bouncing down her back, walked into the room. A few of the girls huddled in a corner, looking at Spike and giggling to each other. Sean walked over to Billie and asked, "Do you go to this school? I've never seen you here before."

Billie laughed. "Sean, silly, I'm in half your classes."

Sean looked at her in amazement. "Billie?" he queried. "Billie Summers? Wow, you look different."

"You know I have a sun allergy. Doesn't bother me at night." she glanced over at her father and smiled gratefully.

Spike wasn't sure that he wanted to abandon his daughter to the sharks he was sure would gather now that they had seen Billie by night, but he knew that he was a fifth wheel. He walked over to her as she now talked to the giggling girls in the corner. "Sorry to interrupt you and your friends, pet, but I have to go. Call me and I'll pick you up later."

"Okay, dad. And thanks." she hugged him close, and whispered in his ear. "This is a little embarrassing. My friends think you're hot."

"Bloody right," he said, leaving.

********

As Billie walked through the door in confusion, she overheard her father, Wesley and Angel in deep conversation. "Hi dad, guys," she called. "I'm just going into the kitchen for a before bed snack." She opened the door to the kitchen, but stayed by it, listening to what they were discussing.

"Thanks for tracking her down, mate," said Spike. "Hate not knowing where she is."

"Anytime," replied Angel. "I'd never want to see anything happen to her. She's family."

Wesley was the dissenting voice. "I think you are being overly cautious. Billie is a grown woman now, and quite capable. There was no evidence that Richard was anything but a rogue, and that the Council had anything to do with Billie's abduction. Spike, that was over twenty years ago. Surely, if they wanted to harm her, or capture her, they would have tried something else by now. You can't look over her twenty-four hours a day, or intimidate every man she becomes involved with, just in case the Council has something to do with him."

"I don't trust the Council. Look at all the things they did to Buffy," Angel said grimly.

"Nor do I," acquiesced the former watcher. "I'm only saying that I don't think they are going to try anything with Billie. They would have done so by now. Look at how young all the Slayers have been. Billie is an adult."

Billie returned angrily into the lobby. "That's right, Uncle Wesley. I'm an adult. I know mom was a Slayer, dad's drummed it into me all my life, how great she was, but I'm not. I'm just a girl trying to get on with her life. I don't need my father to hold my hand." She glared at Angel, "And I don't need a babysitter!" She ran up the stairs dismissively.

*******

Billie was playing Barbies with Fred in the lobby when her Aunt Willow rushed through the door. "Where's Angel?" she asked breathlessly.

"He's in the office with Cordelia," Fred replied. "Hey, Angel," she called, "Company."

Angel poked his head out the door. "Willow?" he said. "What are you doing here?" He gave her a big hug as Cordelia came running out to join them.
"Hey, Will," called Spike from the big stuffed chair in the corner. "What's up?"

"I have such great news," she said, hugging Cordy. "Sit down, Angel." She saw his reluctance. "No, don't worry. This is awesome."

Angel sat and listened attentively. "I have found," pronounced Willow, "the spell," she inhaled, then breathed out in one breath, "to end Angel's curse without losing his soul thereby integrating it into his vampire body permanently." She flopped on the couch triumphantly.

"You've what?" asked Angel incredulously.

"Please don't make me repeat myself," laughed Willow, "I'm pooped."

"You're sure." said Angel.

"Hurray," cried Cordy, jumping onto Angel's lap. "This is the best news, ever." She embraced him as they kissed enthusiastically.

"Hey," said Fred, putting her hand over Billie's eyes, "Not in front of the child."

"I don't want to burst your bubble, but do you think this is really a good idea, Willow?" Spike dissented. "I thought you weren't going to do that sort of thing again. Ramifications, an' all that?"

"I know, Spike. I said I'd give up magic and concentrate on computers, but this is so easy. I kick myself for not seeing it long ago. I could do this spell with my eyes closed. In fact," she smiled a Cheshire grin, "I already did."

"What?" cried Cordelia. "No curse? Nadda?" She slid off Angel's lap and tried to pull him off the couch. "Upstairs, mister, now."

"Hm, Cordy, do you think this is a good time?" he replied, "I mean, um, okay." He raced her up the staircase.

"This had better work, pet," said Spike to Willow.

"Well," she replied confidently. "We should know soon."

Half an hour later, they did.

********

Dawn was supposed to come and live with her niece and brother-in-law after college, and had every intention to do so until she met Bryan. He was kind, gentle and very handsome, and she loved him deeply. Still, she missed Spike. He had been her best friend and protector long before her sister admitted her feelings for him, and, truth be told, he was her first crush. She had accepted him as a person when everyone else, including her sister, saw him only as a creature of the night, irredeemably evil. As much as Buffy had come to love him, Dawn thought of Spike as her own.

Dawn looked at her reflection in the bride's room mirror. It was difficult to believe that this day had finally come. She was startled to hear a voice behind her, since she saw no other image but hers, and she spun in surprise. "Spike, oh Spike," she cried, throwing her arms around his neck. Oh, I didn't think you were coming."

"Now, now, Little Bit," he said, "Don't wrinkle that pretty dress. Let me look at you." He sighed. "Aren't you the one. All beautiful and grown up. Happy, love?"

"He's wonderful, Spike," she replied. "He's everything I could want. Handsome, brave and loving. A lot like someone else I know." Spike would have blushed if he could. "Is Billie here?" Dawn asked.

"She's the sanctuary with Willow," he replied. "I wish I could stay, love, but you know, a church." He could enter the building, but had no desire to suffer the pain of a religious service. He had married Buffy at City Hall, and regretted not giving her the fancy wedding she deserved.

"I wanted you to give me away, you know," she said to him. "You... or Giles. I miss him." Spike brushed a tear from the corner of her eye. "Xander was so happy when I asked him, though. I'm a little afraid of his speech at the reception." Spike laughed. Dawn looked down at the hem of her gown. "I'm sorry, Spike," Dawn said.

"For what, pet?" he replied with surprise. "What could you possibly be sorry for?"

"I feel selfish, putting my own happiness first. I promised that I would come out to LA and help you raise Billie, but I'm not going to make it. I let you down."

Spike took her hands in his. "Never say that, Dawn. Never. I've let you down far more than you ever could me. And Billie and me, we're doin' okay. We have friends, good friends, people that love her. We'll be fine." Adjusting her headpiece, he smiled. "Beautiful." He kissed her tenderly on the forehead and slipped out the door.

Dawn wiped a tear, and picked her bouquet off the table, to the sound of the processional. "New life," she sighed, and smiled.

********

Angel was waiting for Billie in the lobby as she left for school early Wednesday morning. She ignored him and walked past. "Billie, wait," he said, "We need to talk."

"I think I heard all I needed to hear last night. Daddy asked you to get me home safely. Well done." She looked at him angrily. "Did he ask you to make out with me too, because I don't get that part."

"Oh, Billie," he sighed, "Billie." He touched her cheek with the back of his right hand. "Don't be angry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You have a funny way of showing it, mister." She headed for the front door, turning up her collar and adjusting her fedora.

"Wait, Billie, please," he pleaded. "Meet me in front of 'The Hot Box' at 7:00. I really need to talk to you. I have to make you understand."

"Sure. Maybe. If I'm not busy," she answered. She rushed out the door and into the morning light. Under her collar, where no one could see, she was smiling.

********

The quintet of mourners entered the hotel quietly. Billie kissed her father's cheek, and said, "I'm going upstairs, Dad. Goodnight." She turned to the taller man next to him. "I'm so sorry, Uncle Angel."

"Thanks, Billie," the dark haired vampire replied, "You're a good kid." Fred and Wesley made their good nights and followed the teen-aged girl up the stairs.

"Sit down, Angelus, I'll get you a drink." Angel fell onto the couch and sat silently. Spike went into the kitchen, found the bottle at the back of the refrigerator and poured two large glasses of human blood. He warmed them, and pulling a bottle of vodka from the cupboard, poured a healthy shot into each glass.

"Here ya' go, mate," he said to Angel, handing him a glass. Angel took it, but held it on his lap, not making a move to drink. "It's the good stuff, Angelus, don't waste it." He took a large mouthful. "I'm getting tired of this funeral thing. Gunn, Giles..."

Angel looked up at his friend with empty eyes. "All the things she had to face; the visions, the migraines, demons, monsters. Why cancer?"

"Dunno, mate, dunno," Spike answered. "Why anything?"

Angel wasn't listening. "She lay there in that hospital bed, the life draining out of that beautiful face, those beautiful eyes..." He paused for a full minute before continuing. "Those doctors, they've done so much in the last twenty years, I mean they cured aids, but they couldn't help Cordy. Why?"

Spike took the drink from Angel's hand and put it on the table. He sat beside his old friend and patted his shoulder. "Look at me, Angel. It doesn't make sense and it never made sense. Their lives are so fragile. Ours are so fragile. We can live forever or go in a cloud a' dust. You had some time with her. You loved her. You made her happy. That's all we get."

Angel started to cry again. "It hurts, Spike. It hurts so much."

"I know, mate, I know," he answered. "When Buffy died, I asked Willow to stake me. She wouldn't, of course, which is probably why it was her I asked. For days I sat in the dark, and I thought about Buffy, and nothing but Buffy. The only thing that got me out was my anger. You're not me. It will take something else. But one day, trust me, you will go on."

Angel looked up at Spike. "I thought about turning her. Maybe..."

"No, mate," Spike answered in horror. "Never that. If you'd seen Buffy..."

"I know," Angel said, "She would have hated me for it." He sighed. "But I'd give anything to get her back."

Spike looked at his friend with compassion. "It will get better. You won't believe me, but it will. It's worse for our kind, you know. The least little sound, least little scent, brings the memories back so clearly. But one night you'll wake up and facing life won't seem impossible. I wish you could believe that now. I know you can't."

********

Billie had intended to play her meeting with Angel nonchalantly, but she ended up getting to the club ten minutes early. "Damn," she said, looking at her watch, "He'll think I'm eager."

"Talking to yourself?" said a voice behind her.

She turned around. "Angel," she said, "stop sneaking up on me. You're as bad as Dad."

"So are you?" he asked expectantly.

"Am I what?" she answered.

He took her hand. "Eager."

She ignored the comment. "Want to go inside? Dance, have a few drinks?"

"If you don't mind," he answered, "I'd rather go for a walk." He hadn't let go of her hand. She walked with him, silently, as they had on the previous night.

She broke the silence. "Look, Angel, you said you wanted to talk. Are we going to talk, or are you just trying to get some exercise?"

He led her to the bench at the nearest bus stop and sat beside her. "So," Billie said, looking into his deep brown eyes, "What happened last night? I mean, you started it, and I was into it, and suddenly you shut right down. I figured that was it, and now you make this date, or whatever it is. Please explain things to me, 'cause I'm a little confused right now."

"Billie," he said, "I didn't expect this. It's the last thing I expected. Your dad and I, well, there are a lot of things you don't know. And your mom. She was once... very special to me. My world revolved around her. And you. I've known you since you were a baby. I've watched you grow up. There are too many strikes against this."

"Okay," said Billie, "You used to be mom's boyfriend. I know that. You and dad used to hate each other. That's not news to me. Don't think that I expected this, either. But whatever happened last night, happened, and ignoring it isn't going to change history. If you want us to stop now, I'll try, but I don't think it's what I want. Is it what you want?"

He held her hands and stroked them with his thumbs. "Billie, when your mother died, it hurt like hell. And when Cordelia died..."

"I saw what happened," she said. "I missed her so much. She'd been like my mom, her and Fred. But the hardest thing was watching you in pain. It broke my heart."

"There's a part of me that never wants to go through that again." He brushed a long curly tendril from her face. "But last night.... Have you ever seen some one that you never saw before, not really, until one moment when you looked at them and everything had changed, and you thought, 'Maybe, just maybe I could love this person."

"Sure," she answered. "Last night."

He kissed her then. There was nothing left to say.

*******

When Billie was four, she decided that she wanted to go out for Hallowe'en. Her father was against the notion. "Silly tradition," he said, "trick or treat. Mind, I always liked the trick part." Remembering the mayhem that often accompanied the festival in Sunnydale, he became even more adamant.

Cordelia defended her little friend. "Ah, Spike, let her go. All the kids around here go. Or we'll take her to a better neighbourhood, if you like, and I'll go with her, and Fred. She'll have fun."

"And candy," Fred added. She smiled. "I always liked the candy."

"I'll go too," said Angel, "She'll be safe."

"No," said Spike. "She's my daughter. If anyone takes her, I will." But on Hallowe'en night, Cordelia had a terrible vision, and Wesley insisted that Spike go and fight the demon, since the vision indicated that his participation was vital, so he reluctantly agreed to allow Angel and Fred to take her shelling out.

Billie walked door to door with delight, holding on tightly to Auntie Fred's hand, while Angel walked behind them protectively. He knew why Spike was so worried, how he and Buffy had almost lost her right after she was born, and he was damned if he was going to let her down now. He was concerned that Spike would worry her right out of a normal life, a life that already was unlikely to really be normal, and he felt sorry for the poor little kid.

"I'm tired," Billie cried. Angel picked her up in his strong arms and carried her back to the car. Fred looked with anticipation at the candy in the bags, but 'Daddy has to check through it first,' was the rule, and the two hungry girls looked longingly at the treat bag as the car sped home.

Spike was waiting when they arrived back at the hotel. Billie ran to his waiting arms. "Daddy, Daddy, I got candy. Check it Daddy. Auntie Fred wants some."

"Let's look at you first." He smiled down at his daughter, but frowned when her costume registered. "Hey, whose bloody lame idea was this?" he lifted up the hem of the black plastic cape with distain. "Dracula?"

"I thought it was cute," said Fred dejectedly. "It's the one she wanted in the store."

"Oh, well then," replied Spike, "If that's what my pet wanted, then I guess that it's okay."

********

Billie sat quietly in the front seat of Angel's car. "Are you sure about this?" he asked. "Because if you're not, I'll turn right around and head home."

She squeezed his knee lovingly. "I'm sure." she said softly. "A little scared. Very excited."

For weeks she and Angel had met secretly, trying to carry on their relationship under her father's watchful eye. He seemed oblivious to the covert glances, the 'accidental' touches, the quick kisses when no one was around. Every night they could get away from work or studies, they met by 'The Hot Box' for rendezvous; dancing in the club, or going for long, romantic walks. They felt like they were going to burst under the pressure of secrecy.

Now they were taking things to the next step, heading for a upscale, uptown hotel. Angel pulled his big car to the front of the building and handed his keys to the valet. They took their overnight bags and walked hand and hand into the lobby, where Angel picked up their room key. The elevator to the tenth floor seemed to take forever.

Once inside the door, Angel kissed her and unbuttoned her blouse. She undid his shirt with trembling hands as they moved toward the big central bed. He was gentle, and considerate, and expressed his love tenderly and passionately.

Billie glowed on the bed beside her lover. This had been worth waiting for. She propped her head up with one bent arm as she twirled her fingers through his hair with her other hand. "Do I look like my mother?" she asked.

"Whoa," he exclaimed, "Where did that come from?"

"I just want to know. Do I?" she hoped with all her heart that the answer would be what she wanted to hear.

"I've always seen some Buffy in you, I guess," he answered. "It's there," he traced her mouth with his fingertip, "in your smile. Your eyes are Spike's, but mercifully not his cheekbones, and I see some Dawn, too. Even some of your grandmother. But the package," he kissed her, "The package is all Billie Joyce Summers."

"Good answer," she said, nestling in his arms.

*******

Billie's first date had been a disaster. Sean Miller picked her up to take her to a movie. As he was waiting in the hotel lobby for her to finish getting ready, her father gave him the third degree.
And an ultimatum.

"Treat her good, boy," said Spike threateningly, "or suffer. And keep your hands to yourself."

Billie bounced down the stairs in her new outfit. "Your beau and I were just having a little chat," Spike said to his daughter. "Weren't we, Sean?"

"Ah, yeah," Sean answered nervously. "Come on, Billie. We don't want to be late for the movie."

After finding seats in the theatre, Sean went back to the concession stand and picked up some popcorn and a soda with two straws. He brought it back to Billie. "Ah, Sean," she asked, "can I get my own soda? I'll pay for it."

"No," he said, "that's okay. I'll go get you a Coke." He climbed back over the other patrons and waited in line a second time to by the overpriced drink. When he came back into the cinema the feature had started. "Great," he muttered under his breath, "I wanted to see the beginning."

Back in his seat, he handed Billie her soda. She groped in the dark for her purse, and pulled out a small bottle, from which she poured some of the contents into her drink. "What's that?" he asked.

"Medicine," she answered, spilling a bit of the liquid as she poured.
"Shh," said an angry movie patron in the seat in front, as they quieted down to watch the film. Billie waited for Sean to make some move, to try to put his arm around her shoulder or hold her hand, but he kept his fingers tightly wrapped around the popcorn container. As the lights came up at the end of the film, Sean looked at her and exclaimed, "Hey, what's that down the front of your shirt? Looks like blood. Did ya have a nosebleed or something? The movie wasn't that scary."

"I spilled some medicine, that's all," said Billie, flushing with embarrassment. "Can we leave now?" she asked.

"Sure." he replied. She was hoping he would take her out to a restaurant, or even for a walk, but to her disappointment he headed back towards Angel's hotel. Thinking that he might be shy, she decided to make the first move and grabbed awkwardly at his hand. She was a little too aggressive. "Ow," he yelled, "Hey! I think you broke my wrist. What are you, anyway?" He left her at the hotel door. "Listen, Billie, I think this was a mistake. I'll see you at school, but no more dates, okay?" He bolted down the street.

Billie sobbed as she walked up to her room. "What's wrong, love?" her father asked with concern. "He didn't try anything, did he?"

"Boys are stupid!" she shouted, slamming the door to her room.

******

It was nearly dawn when Angel and Billie walked hand in hand to the back entrance of his hotel. They stopped to embrace for one last deep, passionate kiss, oblivious to their surroundings. "I love you so much," Angel said to her softly, kissing her again.

"I love you too," she replied. "We should go in. The sun will be up soon. I think..." her voice was muffled by his lips on hers.

"What the hell is going on?" said an angry voice from the back of the building.

"Dad," Billie said with shock. "We were just, I mean..."

"I see what you were doing." Spike replied coldly. "Angelus, get your hands off my daughter."

Her heart chilled. "Daddy, no, you don't understand," she pleaded.

"Billie, go inside and wait in your room. I mean it." Spike opened the door and pushed her inside. He walked over to the taller vampire with determination and slammed his fist into Angel's face. Angel refused to fight back.

"Spike, listen," he said, wiping the blood from his mouth. "We were going to tell you. She hates deceiving you. But she knew you would react like this." Spike hit him again, on the jaw. "I won't fight you, Spike. I won't hurt you." He tried to put his hand on Spike's shoulder, but the blonde vampire shrugged it off. "I love her, Spike."

Spike looked at his old friend with stabbing blue eyes. "Billie and I will be leaving tomorrow," he said, turning and stomping back into the hotel.

*****

Billie crept silently into her father's room and opened the bottom drawer of his dresser carefully. It squeaked a bit, and she looked over to Spike's prone body in fear, but he remained in his deep sleep. She reached her hand into the bureau and pulled out a small, flat book that she knew had been her mother's. She put the book on the floor and carefully closed back the drawer. Taking the book in her hand, she sneaked back to her own room and sat down on the bed.

She trembled with anticipation as she looked down at the book with 'Buffy Anne Summers, Personal' hand-written in a space on the cover. "Mom's diary," said Billie to herself. "Rats, it's locked. Ah well, doubt that Dad has the key. Probably never read it."

She easily broke open the small lock holding the diary shut and opened it randomly. "Hey," she thought, "this is about Dad." She read the passage in question. Angry tears in her eyes, she dropped the diary on the floor and stalked back into her father's room. "How could you?" she screamed at him. "How could you do that to her?"

The vampire bolted upright in surprise. "Billie?" he asked disorientedly. "Billie, what's wrong, what's happened?"

"I read it, Dad," she cried, "I read Mom's diary. How could you do that? How could you lock her up and threaten to sic that woman on her. That woman that killed Mommy. How could you claim to love her and frighten her like that. She was afraid, Dad. She was afraid that you would kill her."

Spike leaned forward in his bed and folded his arms over his knees, resting his head on his forearms. "You weren't supposed to see that, pet. You're too young to understand."

"Too young?" she yelled. "I'm twelve years old. When would I be old enough for something like that? I thought you loved her, that she loved you. Were you lying to me, all along? How can I believe anything you say now?"

"Billie," he pleaded. "I didn't want you to read your mother's diary yet. I was saving it 'til you were older." He pushed himself off the bed and stood beside her. "But now that you've started, read the rest. See what happened. Yes, I was a bloody idiot. I didn't know how to make your mother love me like I loved her. But she did love me, in time. She loved me and she loved you." He tried to hold her, but she pushed him away.

"I'll read it, alright," she replied. "But that doesn't mean I'll ever forgive you."
*******

Spike stormed into Billie's room, his anger growing with each step he'd taken up the staircase. He had never been so disappointed in his daughter. He pointed his finger and said loudly, "Angel is not for you! Do you hear me?"

Billie replied coldly, "I don't think that is your decision to make, Dad. I'm an adult."

Spike tried to regain his composure. "I'm afraid that it is. Pack your bags. We're moving back to Sunnydale."

"No," she replied, "I'm not."

"Billie," he pleaded, "you don't know what you're doing. That man, he's caused so much pain. He'll hurt you." He took her hands and sat her on the edge of the bed. "He...he slept with your mother."

"I know," Billie replied. "Once. Thirty years ago. That has nothing to do with me. This is the man I love, Dad. The beautiful man who has helped take care of me all my life. The man who made Cordelia happy for ten years, who watched her waste away and looked at her with love when she was skin and bones and her hair had fallen out. I want that kind of love in my life, Dad. I want him."

"Billie," he said, "all my life I have given the women I love what they want to make them happy. But it stops now. I can't give you this." He tilted her head up in his hand, and looked into her clear blue eyes. "Don't you see, he only wants you because you remind him of Buffy?"

"Of course he loves the Mom in me. He loves the you in me, too. But he loves me." She tried to make him see. He wouldn't listen.

"Buffy was his life. Cordy was his heart. You'll never be the love of his life." Spike tried to convince her.

Billie looked at her father angrily. "Love of his life, what does that mean? What is that? I don't know what that is. I love him now. He loves me. It's enough." She put her hands on her hips and looked at her father with angry defiance. "Who was the love of your life, Dad? Mom, or the whore who murdered her?"

"I can't talk to you when you're like this." Spike said, turning to leave. "I'm going back to Sunnydale."

"Then go alone," she called after him, "I'm moving in with Angel!"

********

Spike came to the mall office at the security guard's call. His daughter looked very tiny in the large office. He was angry. Billie had disappointed him.

The guard was surprised to see the teenager's father. He looked far too young. "You Summers?" he asked. Spike held out his hand reluctantly to the guard.

"William Summers. I'm Billie's father. What's she done?" Billie looked up at her father with tears in her eyes. She knew she had violated his trust.

"Minor shoplifting. Picked up one of those hair thingies and put it in her pocket. I ran her though the database, and there were no priors, so you can take her home. This time. However, I found these in her pocket." He showed Spike a packet of cigarettes. "Tobacco is illegal, you know. I'm confiscating these." He shoved the pack into his own pocket. "I won't bring the police in this time. Just don't let it happen again."

"Thank you," said Spike. "We appreciate your help." He turned to Billie, "Don't we, pet?" Billie didn't answer.

"Right," said the guard. "I'll leave you two alone for a minute. I'm sure you have a few things to say to your daughter." He turned to Billie, "Just you straighten up and fly right, little lady. You're headed down a road that you won't like travelling." He left the office and closed the door behind him.

"Right," said Spike to his daughter, "What's the deal here?" She stared at him blankly. "Oh, come on, Billie, you don't need a 'hair thingy', whatever that is. Why are you stealing?"

"You used to do it," she said softly. "Dawn told me that you used to do it when you were shopping with her."

"Your Aunt Dawn," he replied, "never needed any coaching when it came to the five finger discount. And what does that have to do with you?"

"I don't know," said Billie. "I just wanted it."

"Right. And the cigarettes?" he asked.

"You smoke," she said.

"Well," he replied. "Less than satisfactory answers. In any case, we have a little punishment waiting for you at home." He pulled Billie out of the chair and walked her towards the door. "You are going to clean every bathroom in the hotel. Whether the rooms are being used or not." Billie looked at him with shocked eyes. "And pet," he said quietly, "I'm not exactly the poster boy for high moral standards. But I've tried to raise you right. Don't disappoint me again. It hurts."


*******

"Hello, Spike," Willow Rosenberg, founder and CEO of Rosenberg Digital Computers greeted her old friend as he walked though her office door. "It's so good to have you back."

The vampire sucked in an unneeded breath at the sight of his former, and now current, employer. He hadn't seen her for a few years, keeping in touch through emails and chats, and he was shocked at the change. Worry lines had invaded her once pixy-like face, giving her the appearance of an aging leprechaun, and her once vividly red hair was faded and streaked with grey. She noticed his expression, and understood.

"Things change, don't they old friend?" she said, running her fingers though her short bobbed hair. "People change. I'm forty-four now. Doesn't seem possible."

"Forty-four?" he thought. "Buffy would be forty-four." But Willow didn't look forty-four. She seemed twenty years older.

"I know," she answered his unasked question. "I'm tired, Spike. Wearing out. You were right. About the magic. There are... ramifications." She took his offered hand and stood up. "But it was worth it, most of the time. Worth it for Buffy, no matter what she thought, and worth it for Angel."

"Thank you for taking me back," he said, changing the topic. Angel was something that he was trying to escape.

"Of course. I'm not just doing it to help out a friend. I need you here. It's getting harder for me to run things every day. I won't be around for ever." She paused at his worried expression. "Oh, don't worry Spike, I'm not going anywhere for quite some time. I won't leave you the company yet. Your presence will be comforting. I need a familiar face beside me."

"Life is short, my friend," she continued, "You may not see that, living immortally as you could, but I see it."

"I see it," replied Spike. "I think I see it more clearly. People I care about seem to last the length of a breeze."

"Ah," she said. "Then isn't life too short to be apart from the ones we love most? Why are you here, Spike? You have another life in Los Angeles. As much as I want you here, why don't you go back to your daughter? She must miss you terribly."


"Will, it's none of your bloody business." He regretted the sharpness of his tone. Softer, he continued, "I can't forgive her. Or him." He looked at her with eyes of pain. "The hurt goes too deep this time. Every woman I've loved, he's had. I'm damned if he'll have Billie."
"But," replied Willow, "doesn't he now? He loves her, I know that, and she loves him. But her heart is breaking because she hurt you. I know that too."

"Willow," he said, tears in his eyes, "what do I do?"

"Forgive her," she answered, "and if you can't, then accept her. She's a grown woman, not your little girl. She has a right to her life. He may hurt her, probably will. I'm sure she'll hurt him too. That's part of the dance. But it's their dance. You can't protect her."

Spike put his arms around her and held her close. "You're a wise old bird, luv."

"Just a friend," she sighed, "just a friend who loves you."

******

Fred and Spike were bringing Billie back from the playground. She dropped her ball, and ran to catch it. Before they could stop her, she was out in the street, and a car was careening wildly towards her. With a sickening thud it hit the tiny body and threw it into the air. Fred and Spike ran to her still form, and Spike feared the worst.

The car veered into a lamp post and crashed. The vampire ran towards it in a blind rage, and ripped the door from the passenger side. He pulled the drunken occupant onto the road, baring his fangs and preparing to strike, his face distorted like a parody of animal rage. Suddenly he dropped the frightened man as excruciating pain flooded the inside of his head. He growled in frustration at his impotence, wanting no more than to rip the driver's head from his shoulders.

"Daddy," a little voice said beside him. "Daddy, you okay?"

His face instantly reverted to human as he held his daughter close. "Billie, baby, Billie, you're alright." He looked up into Fred's frightened eyes.

"She's okay, I think. She's really strong." the young woman said. "She isn't even bleeding. Maybe you should get her to a doctor, but I don't think that there's anything wrong."

"Oh Billie, pet," cried Spike, tears streaming down his face. "Never do that again. Daddy never, ever wants to lose you."

*******

Billie checked the messages on her email reader. She opened the one marked, 'William Summers, RDC'.

"Hello, pet." said her father's voice. "I want to say that I'm sorry. I was selfish. I thought that this was between Angel and me, but now I see that it's all about you. Your happiness." Billie smiled with surprise. "You're a big girl now, and it's time to let go, at least a little. I won't be coming back for a while. Your Auntie Willow needs me here, and it's time I made my own life too. Maybe I resent Angel, just a little, because he was able to move on."

"Be happy, love, and if you need anything I'll be there in a heartbeat. You are, and will always be, the most precious thing in my life." Tears ran down his daughter's face. "You tell that big ponce, though, that if he ever causes you any pain, I'll rip his bloody throat out."

"Give Fred and Wesley my regards. I love you always." The email shut off.

Billie picked up the small reader and ran down the stairs with it. "Darling," she called, "You have to listen to this. It's Daddy. He loves me."

Angel took her in his arms. "Of course he does, Billie. You're his heart."

******

Spike and Buffy sat on the benchseat of the night bus to Sunnydale, their newly-retrieved baby daughter nestled between them. "She's so beautiful," Buffy said. "I feel like I just got my heart back. I never want to let her out of my sight again."

Her husband gently touched the sleeping baby's curls. "She's so perfect. I can't believe she came from me. So innocent."

His wife smiled and kissed his hand. "You should see you when you're sleeping."

"Buffy," he asked, "do you think... do you think that I can make it as a father? I'm nervous. This is all so new to me."

Buffy smiled. "Just love her." she answered. "Just love her like you love me. Everything will work out fine."

THE END