Chapter 2 - To learn to kill
The professor glared at the paper in his hands. A secret code written in blue was shining brightly on at the piece of paper. I gripped my bag tightly hoping J would get it over and done with. Finally, he put it down and threw it in the rubbish bin. My eyes widened and I stared at him in shock.
"Next time memorise the number. Only trust what comes from my mouth to yours. How do you know someone didn't take the number down while you were asleep. Keep everything in your head. Next time I ask for a number, remember it and don't write it down. Understood?" asked J.
I nodded sadly and turned to leave for school.
"Wait," he exclaimed and rushed towards me.
I stopped and turned, staring at his old face. He threw out a pocket knife and gave it to me. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do with it, but I took it cautiously.
"I want that stained in blood by the time you come home. Don't come back without blood on it. I don't care what blood it is. Yours, an animal's, another person's, JUST blood," said J.
I almost fell over in shock. I tried to imagine me stabbing a person or animal. It was just a little too scary. Sure, I had a gun but I had never used it and didn't even KNOW how to use it.
J grabbed me by arm and dragged my outside angrily, slamming the door in my face.
"Remember what I said! Don't come home without blood on that knife," screamed J from behind the door.
I turned and slowly walked towards the bus stop. My day wasn't getting any better. My hopes were all gone as I entered the bus. Was it a mistake to have gone with J? I didn't know then, I don't know now.
I walked onto the bus, my leg aching a little. I had never seen so many kids my age before and it was quite terrifying. I clutched the knife in my pocket for reassurance. Not only were all these kids friends with eachother, I was the odd one out because I had come late in the year. I slowly approached an empty seat next to a girl. I wasn't sure what to do, and neither did I know what a girl was like.
"This seat is minded. Who the hell are you anyway?" asked the girl in a piercing high voice.
I stuttered a little, not knowing who the hell I was myself. The boys turned to stare at me.
"Look, he's blushing! New guy likes Stacey," exclaimed one of the boys with red hair.
I closed my eyes in shame and walked away from the girl. I looked at the boys, especially at the red head who was now grinning mischievously at me. My hands shook a little as I tried to turn away from the boy before he said anything else.
"My name's Jacob, and you better learn it, cause I'm boss around here. New guys aren't appreciated in this school. They have to make it up to us, by being our slaves for 2 months," said the red head boy.
"Oi, Nathan! Where's my lunch money?" screamed another boy next to Jacob. He held a book, labelled Simon. I stared in shock as a boy wearing glasses nervously rushed up to Simon and held out some money. The bus halted and the doors flung open as the boy made his way to the door to escape the bullies. Simon carefully counted the money. After all, we were only 8 year olds back then and some people couldn't count properly.
I followed the boy out the bus, ignoring Jacob's screams from behind me. I found Nathan quickly and began walking next to him hoping he was in the same grade as me.
"Those boys, I hate them! There is nothing you can do to stop them once they start. I suggest you just do as they tell you, to save you the torture you get for trying to stand up to them. They take my lunch money each day so I starve. Its really not that bad and I've gotten used to it. Plus, my two months are almost over. In three days, I get to be free and become like one of the other Grade 2ers," said Nathan. I looked him over as he turned the corner, into a bright room. He was a scrawny little boy and obviously didn't get enough food. He had a slight bruise on his cheek, but I didn't bother asking him about it.
The class turned to see who had entered the room, and at seeing me their gazes went directly at me, staring at me as if I was a fish in an aquarium on display. A couple of boys got up from their chairs and walked directly at me, shoving Nathan out of the way.
"I'm Sam, and that's Harry. Who are you?" asked the boy in front of me.
I opened my mouth to tell them I didn't know who I was but the door flung open revealing Jacob and Simon staring angrily at me.
"You better watch out for them. They always make up strange rules and scare newcomers. We only hang out with cool people, but you seem pretty alright and we aren't against newcomers like Simon is. Anyway, watch out," whispered Harry before returning to his seat.
I ran the new names over in my head trying to ignore Simon and Jacob who were circling around me, observing me as I stood completely straight. I felt stupidly nervous and worried as if I cared so much what there judgement would be.
"Nathan: other new boy, Sam: cool guy, Harry: cool guy, Simon and Jacob: bullies," I thought, trying to figure out who I should befriend.
"Hey I'm talking to you loser! What's your name?" asked Jacob angrily, interrupting my thoughts.
A sudden panic rose within me. I didn't quite know what my name was. I was enrolled as Heero Yuy, but that wasn't my name. I felt so confused my head began throbbing.
"I don't know my name," I stuttered, glancing at Sam and Harry who suddenly broke into fits of laughter. Soon the whole class was roaring with laughter, pointing their fingers at me and whispering secrets to eachother. My ears felt hot in embarrassment. I felt my eyes sting suddenly as if I was about to cry and Simon seemed to notice because his lips broke into a smirk.
"That's right! Cry if you want! It will only give me more pleasure," exclaimed Jacob pushing me backwards.
I realised then I had no chance of having any friends. They thought I was stupid and an idiot. Why didn't I just answer Heero Yuy? That is after all my name isn't it? A tear rolled down my flushed cheek as anger burbled in my chest and throat. I couldn't take it in any longer. My hand reached for the pocket knife and gripped it tightly in anger.
"Don't come home without blood stained on that knife," J had told me. If I couldn't imagine myself stabbing a living thing before, I found it perfectly appropriate now that I had the chance. My hand lifted out of my pocket, bringing the knife out too. Before anyone realised what was happening, my knife was slicing at Jacob's shirt and ripping his skin. His scream rose into the air and I realised what I had done but it was too late. The blood was dripping down the knife and onto my shaking hands and a teacher raced into the room to see what the commotion was about. One look at the knife brought her into hysterics as she grabbed my knife-free hand and dragged me out of the classroom, slipping the knife out of my fingers.
"I'm calling your parents right now! What are their numbers?" exclaimed the teacher, pointing to another teacher to go help the bleeding boy.
"I don't have any parents," I said through tears.
"Oh, you're the new boy Heero Yuy aren't you?"
"Yes."
"I can't believe you did that. Class had barely started and you already got yourself into trouble!"
"I don't know what came over me. I've been having trouble at home. I'm so sorry. Is he going to be ok?"
The teacher looked at me with the same sympathy as the maid had, when J took my dinner away from me. Her eyes were filled with sadness and her grip on my wrist lightened.
"Why you absolute moron," growled a harsh voice behind me. I twirled around to see Dr J standing there, his face red with fury.
"Excuse me, who are you?" asked the teacher politely.
"I'm his guardian. What did this imbecile do this time? Burn down the building?" exclaimed Dr J. Before the teacher could reply I found J's cold metal hand gripping my wrist and pulling me away from the worried teacher. His other hand struck my face just as some students in the class turned the corner to see what had been done with me. I felt hot again with embarrassment. I felt like I had no dignity and my pride had been replaced with shame. How could school be so horrible?
"Walk boy!" screamed Dr J, slapping me on the arm again. I hurried, hoping to get away from the building where the teachers would stop staring at me with such sad, sympathetic eyes. The minute we left the building Dr J let go of my arm and kicked me hard in the shin. I collapsed in anguish and stared at him with terrified boys.
"You stupid boy! Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten yourself into," said Dr J.
"But I was only doing what you told me. I was only following instructions! You told me to stain the knife with blood not caring how I did it, so I did exactly as you told me," I exclaimed.
Suddenly Dr J's face softened and for a moment he looked like he was remembering something pleasant from a while ago, but his face turned stone cold as quickly as it softened.
"Common sense! Don't you have any? You could have gotten yourself in jail and now everyone thinks you're some kind of murderer, and you aren't even one yet! Next time, learn to take care of things properly. You shouldn't have stabbed the boy like that when you knew you'd get into trouble. If you wanted to stab a boy, then you should have done it from the back and skilfully so no one would have seen you. Not only did you make your intentions clear, but you lost the evidence they could use against you. Luckily I came to your rescue and stole the knife while the teacher wasn't looking," said Dr J showing the knife I had used to stab the boy.
"We have a lot of skills to work on boy. As far as I'm concerned your useless. If you don't shape up and start showing improvement by tomorrow, I'm throwing you on the streets. I didn't take you in so you could laze about and act stupid," continued Dr J. He paused and stared at the tear trickling down my cheek. Back then I couldn't control my tears, and how they streamed and so many times!
"Stop crying jerk! Be home in 5 minutes, or else you'll get a horrible beating from me," said Dr J stepping into his car and racing off before Heero could even wipe away his tear.
Of course I made it in time, but my spirits were down. How I made it through those times, I don't know... but I don't like remembering about it now. I remember that day well, the first day I ever drew blood, and it was definitely not the last. In fact, the next day I had a new mission, that traumatised me for 3 years after...
