Title: Faith in Love! #2

Started: 19th May 2002

Finished: 25th May 2002

Disclaimer: As per part 1.

Genre: Angst

Rating: G

Summary: How will Tess cope with facing her past?

Authors Notes: Many thanks to one of my best friends, Penny. Thanks also to Caterina and Rel who have also given me feedback as I wrote this part of the fic. Thanks to everyone who sent feedback on the last part, it's always welcome.









~*~*~*~



"Hey Tess, you gonna open it or what?"

"Huh?" Tess replied without looking up to meet Jonesy's quizzical stare.

"You've been staring at that envelope for the last half an hour, it won't bite," Jonesy laughed at his own intended joke.

"Oh…ummm, it's nothing," answered Tess realising she had been caught out. They were supposed to be watching a video together, but her mind was elsewhere.

Tess felt somewhat embarrassed, watching a video with Evan with her mind on Jack. It's not that she didn't want to be with Evan – she did but she was finding it difficult being with him knowing she had written to Jack.

She knew the envelope contained his reply but so far she couldn't bring herself to open it. It wasn't so much fear of his reply but a fear of the unknown. Her feelings were so confused; she loved spending time with Evan, but at the same time yearned to see Jack. Her decision to see Jack, made nearly one month ago now, had only served to further increase her befuddled mental state.

"Evan I'm really tired, do you think we can call it a night?" Tess asked in a quiet voice.

"C'mon Tess it's only eight, live a little," Jonesy replied still joking around with Tess.

"Nah, I've really had it, I need some sleep," Tess stood indicating the night was over.

As Jonesy stood he reached over to give Tess the kiss they always shared at the end of a night together. The confusion on his face was evident as Tess moved her head and the kiss landed on her cheek.

"Tess?" he queried.

"Not tonight, I'm tired and…look…it's not you okay…I just have a lot on my mind. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah right," he muttered as he left the watch house.



~*~*~*~*~*~



Tess walked over to the coffee table and snatched the envelope from it. She stared at her name on the front, his writing hadn't changed - stupid idea to think that it would have really. She walked through to her bedroom and flopped down on the bed. Her fingers trembled as carefully she opened Jack's letter.



~*~*~*~

Dear Tess,

Never in a million years did I expect to hear from you again. I returned your bail money; I wouldn't have blamed you if you hated me. But you have so much more to hate me for, don't you?

Tess, I'll keep it short. You can visit if you want – I don't get many visitors. Mum tries but she gets really upset every time she comes down.

I can't understand why you want to visit me, but I guess you'll tell me when I see you.

Love, (am I allowed to put that?)

Jack.

~*~*~*~





Tess rolled onto her back and rested her head on the pillow - she stared up at the ceiling. Hate and love, such a fine line. Jack was right she did have so much to hate him for.

A fear burned deep inside her that maybe she was tossing away the best thing in her life by going to see Jack. She didn't want to hurt Evan – he was such an important part of her life; they shared a deep friendship, a respect for each other and an attraction that was so strong. But she couldn't help having this need to see Jack.

How would she tell him? What would he think? Jack was a subject neither of them had ever broached. Jonesy knew he had replaced a bent copper. He also knew that Tess had been badly hurt by a lover in her past – but the fact that they were one and the same had never been revealed.

Tess slammed her clenched fist into her pillow. Decisions had to be made now – the waiting for Jack's reply was over.



~*~*~*~*~

"Morning Tess, can we have a chat?" asked PJ soon as she entered the station at the start of her shift the next morning.

"Have to see the Boss PJ, can it wait?"

Tess knocked on Tom's office door, "Boss," she said as she entered, "I umm…need some time off."

"How much time are we talking Sergeant? I know we're not busy right now but we really can't do without you. Is it urgent?" as usual Tom fired off a round of questions.

"It's personal Boss, I'd really rather not say why though."

"Okay, we'll manage without you…but you can only have three days," Tom started. "I hope everything is okay Tess," fatherly concern entered his voice.

"Well that remains to be seen Boss, but whatever happens I won't let it interfere with my job."

"Sergeant I 'know' you won't. Now when are you leaving?"

"Is today too soon?" Tess asked. "If I leave now I will be back in two days."

"Okay, hand over to Ben and we'll see you in a couple of days." Tom dismissed Tess.



~*~*~

"Can't stay long PJ, having a few days off," Tess knocked and entered PJ's office.

"Tess?"

"What?" Tess asked.

"Jack rang me last night. He seemed pretty anxious to me, on the edge."

"Oh!"

"Well, do I have to beat it out of you or are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," Tess was deliberately evasive.

"What about Jones…?"

"Yeah what about him?"

"C'mon Tess, I'm not stupid. I was there with you and Jack. I know you and Jones are together."

"But…we tried…"

"Yeah, you tried to keep it a secret. It aint hard to see when you're in love though Tess."

"You think I'm in love with Evan?"

"Seems that way to me – what I don't understand is why you're running off to Melbourne to see your ex-lover. I could hazard a guess, I reckon you're getting scared of being hurt again."

Tess stared out the window, deep in thought, "It's not that, well I don't know maybe it is in some way," she said quietly. "For some reason I can't stop thinking about Jack, about what he did. Maybe I could've done something to stop him. I really like Evan but I don't want to stuff things up again. Sometimes I wonder if I still love Jack, maybe that's why I'm holding back with Evan."

"Tess it wasn't your fault - Jack chose his own path. Okay he wanted revenge more than he wanted you but that doesn't mean it was your fault and it doesn't mean Jones is going to hurt you either. And for what it's worth I don't think you're in love with Jack. I've already told you – you're scared of getting hurt again."

"I have to see him PJ. I need to know, for myself and for Evan."

"Okay Tess, I can see nothing I say is going to change your mind. You have told Jonesy though."

Tess looked down at her feet, her answer obvious to PJ.

"Tess, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me he knows," PJ implored.

"I didn't make up my mind till last night and he's on a late shift today."

"Now don't tell me you don't talk to each other outside of work, don't try and tell me you don't have his mobile number. I'm not stupid Tess and neither for that matter is Jonesy. You have to tell him."

Tess looked at PJ, "could you…would you please tell him I got called away on a personal matter?"

"Tess, please don't put me in this position. I won't lie for you. Don't risk losing what you have for what might never be. This going to see Jack on a whim…well you don't need me to tell you I think it's a stupid idea. Type of stunt I'd expect Jo to pull – not you!"

"I'm going PJ, you won't change my mind. I'm heading off now and I'll be back in 2 days," Tess turned and made her way to the door.

"Hell woman, I hope you know what you're doing. Just do one thing for me – think how hurt Evan will be. How would you feel if he took off to see an ex- lover without telling you? Tess please talk to him before you go," PJ asked.

"I can't, I don't know what to say to him. PJ, I have to go, I'll see you in two days," Tess closed the door quietly behind her.

~*~*~

Tess stared up at the imposing structure in front of her. She decided it didn't matter how hardened you were, and being a copper she 'was' pretty tough, no matter what - jails would always be depressing.

Tess rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand, her other hand clutched her bag tightly to her body. Tess' whole body was fraught with tension; her head ached from concentrating on the drive down to Melbourne and the lack of sleep the night before. As she entered the confines of the prison enclosure Tess looked back as the gate shut behind her. She tried to imagine the feeling of total captivity, of never being allowed to walk back out those gates. It was an alien concept and one she didn't relish the thought of.

Tess calmly went through the prison processes before being allowed to see Jack – all the while her thoughts running rampant on what she was going to say to him. She had tried to imagine seeing him after all this time. Tried to role-play their meeting in her mind but whatever context she used she could never quite find the right words to express her feelings.

Jack entered the tiny room, eyes downcast. Tess turned form where she stood to look at the man whom she had loved so much. The man she had made passionate love with, the very man who she would never have thought would end up in a place like this. As their eyes met, Tess, unable to deal with the raw pain and suffering she saw deep in Jack's eyes turned towards the prison officer.

In a panic-edged voice Tess softly said, "I'm sorry…I really am sorry, I just can't do this."

With no emotion showing on his face the guard opened the door to allow Tess her freedom. Tess took one last look at Jack's haggard face before walking from her past



Two softly spoken words haunted Tess as she walked back through the prison corridors.



"Tess…please."